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nakedmolerat
hahah i'm sorry to laugh, i'm not laughing at your situation, but i love the term you used. f*cksticks. that is great! yeah, FWB are hard to find. i had an opportunity for one who was really cool, but i wasn't attracted to him in the slightest. then i was dating this guy and proposed the idea, but he wanted all or nothing. i was shocked. i thought he'd be up for it, but he actually wanted a relationship and i didn't. it's hard because a lot of times, one person ends up having feelings. i met this guy and we started hanging out and having playtime, and i started to really like him and then he invited me for a threesome. not that there is anything wrong with threesomes, but i realized he didn't feel the same way about me. and i was right. he didn't. he ended up cutting me out of his life the minute he got a girlfriend, too. which is understandable. and then i had a high school buddy and we hooked up after 8 years of friendship, and then he told me he was in love with me. i felt so bad, i learned my lesson to be very upfront about expectations because i just assumed he and i were going to stay friends. i lost his friendship over it. and the sex wasn't even good. sad.gif then karma bit me in the ass when i hooked up with a different old high school buddy and fell hard for him- and he didn't feel the same about me in the slightest. I'm really bad in these situations, I would way rather be in a relationship. I'm in one right now that is great, except our baby has put a dent in our sex. Also, I just had an iud put in and the doctor told me not to fuck for 3 weeks. blah.
zoya
I do think it's definitely best to be up front about expectations - I had a situation a couple years ago where it seemed to me that all indications were that we were moving into us being a couple, and then he told me that he just considered us fuck buddies. (granted, I also found out later he was fucking like 3 girls in 3 different places, but that's another story...) it SUCKED - but it also made me realize that I should have not assumed anything, and gotten on the same page way earlier with him. With this last guy I was seeing, once I knew that there was interest in getting physical, I told him that I didn't do the f**k buddies thing, that if we were going to go there, we should get to know each other better and that there had to be some interest in things potentially progressing forward. Not to say that I wanted some commitment, or to jump right into some big relationship, I just needed to know that there was some interest and openness to things possibly going somewhere. I don't think that's too much pressure or anything, but more just saying "get out now if all you want is a f**k buddy, cause I'm not into that." Nothin' wrong with that. Or the flip could be the case - that one tells the other person that they aren't into anything moving beyond FWB, and that's all they want. I think that setting some boundaries early in the game not only gives the other party the option to get out early if they can't deal with it or don't want that, but it also shows that you're someone who knows what they want, and that's always attractive, even if the other person isn't into the same thing at that point.

I can't do the FWB thing, either, though. I've only been able to do it successfully once - and that was after over a year of sheer hell of it starting out as us seeing each other, him blowing me off out of the blue, me being all fucked up about it, us not talking for ages, and after about a year he grew up and decided on his own to talk it out with me. We've been good friends ever since. I don't know that I'd call it full on FWB, we've hooked it up a couple of times and it was fine, no weirdness, and no desire on either end to be more than friends. But I don't know that I see it continuing that way next time we see each other - I think it's more morphing into just platonic.

For me, it's either seeing someone with the intent of seeing where it will go in terms of relationship - or if I just want sex, I'd rather just pull someone and have a one night stand, no strings attached. I can't do anything in between. Too difficult for me.
thepointybird
Y'know Zoya, I don't think I've ever really had a FWB. Most of the time I either have one night with a guy, or we get together a few times then it peters out, of else we just end up properly dating. It's an idea that is more and more appealing to me the more I think about it, but I guess that it's just going to be harder to come by as I get older (I'm 34 now), because men my age or around my age just don't tend to be single - in fact, I very rarely meet single people in general! (If I wanted to go down the road of shagging married or attached men, however, it seems I would be spolit for choice, but that's probably a story for a different thread!) Is it just me, or does the default setting for human beings seem to be coupledom? At the minute I just don't ever seem to meet anyone EVER. I can't do online dating as those kinds of sites are banned at work and I'm not online at home. Coupled with the fact that that I'm currently working 2 jobs totaling about 55 hours a week and have 15 hours a week commute time on top of that, so I hardly ever have the time or energy to go out or socialise at all. I am just despairing of ever having sex again. I was with my ex for almost 2 years, and before I hooked up with him I hadn't had sex for over a year - as I remember it from then, after I hit about 6 months I gradually just started to lose interest, so I guess maybe I just need to wait it out until April and then start the long, slow slide into celibacy. I think my only problem with doing the FWB thing might be this - if I find the guy attractive enough to want to be shagging him on the regular, and we get on well, and we're both single, then I might end up wanting to date him officially. I guess I'd need to find someone that is attractive to me but whose personality I can only stand in small doses! tongue.gif

Nakedmolerat, that really sucks that you and your SO aren't finding time to get intimate - is there anyone around who could even babysit for an afternoon (once your IUD weeks are up) and give you guys a bit of alone time? How old is your little one?
culturehandy
And I have to say that I'm on the other end of the spectrum, I can do friends with benefits, but relationships, fuck no.

Even in friends with benefits, even if you do have the boundaries conversation, it doesn't matter, in most cases, someone is going to get feelings and someone is going to get hurt. I know someone who's FWB friendships almost always turn into the woman going bananas head over heels for him.

But, as Zoya said, it's best to be upfront. I've straight up asked what a man's expectations are out of him and I.
hellcat
A FWB would be a nice addition to my sexless life, but, like y'all have said it is a tricky slippery slope at times. I have a current friend who could fit the bill, but unfortch' I don't feel him like that. We're great flirts but that is the end of it. I've had one FWB and the only reason it worked out was because I didn't know very much German he didn't know much English but we both knew gutteral groans! Ja!

Yes - a new toy. I should invest in one. Even though my frequent handy gettings-off have done little to curb my enthusiasm for flesh on flesh contact. I have recently ventured to some online chats to see how that all works out. I'm sure some think it is sorta lame-o and vulgar but I ended up having a fab raunchy chat session and then got to click "x". Anyone tried this to ease the frustration?

I got flirty texts from (duhn duhn duhn) THE EX last night but was sober...and now tonight I will be drunk drunk drunk and am slightly worried of what I will do. Infact, I know exactly what I'll do and will simply file it under "Drunken Misbehaviour". Hopefully I'll be to cheap to pay for a cab to his place or maybe he'll be out.

Maybe there will be other cute boys out tonight that I can try my single styles out on?
stargazer
dude, i don't know if it is spring fever or what. i wasn't feeling unusually horny, but i had 2 nights in a row of the craziest sex dreams. thankfully, last night, i was able to have a good night of sleep with the normal "i'm mad at a friend" dream. rolleyes.gif
mumblestutter
sex dreams sound sooo good right now. i've been single for SO long. for about the past week i've been oscillating between the notion that i'm just never going to have sex again and being cool with it because that's just the way it is... and conversely, that someone perfect is gonna come along... tomorrow because it's just been so long and it's really time i run into someone who's perfect.

hmmm.... tomorrow's in like 4 minutes now wink.gif
period_monster
I am beginning to crawl the walls. Sometimes, my Hitachi magic wand is just not enough. No sex with others since Thanksgiving, although I've only technically been single again for something like three weeks. I really wish I had the ovaries for a one night stand.
flanker_ji
I keep thinking about all the hot, sweaty, nasty things I want to do to my crush, and damn waiting for that time to come is hard!
zoya
I decided drunkenly last night that next weekend (when I'm off my period) that I'm going to find someone to just hook up with. once. never talk to again. I'm tired of meeting guys who I don't sleep with right off, then they stick around a bit (probably hoping they'll get laid on a subsequent time of seeing or hanging out with me) and then they turn out to actually be pretty cool and I CAN"T sleep with them, cause I realize I'd like to try and be friends with them, which sleeping with would just fuck up. Then we either get to be friends or they just fuck off cause they didn't get laid.

SO. I need to just do some right off the bat no strings attached sex. I suppose I'm also wanting a bit of aggro, "fuck you" sex for all the dead end guys that seem to love to come into my world and cause me torment. Not that any guy I hook up with will know that, but there you go.

in short, I want to use some hottie for sex and a bit of bodily contact.
zoya
oh. mission accomplished. Except it wasn't someone I don't know, it was someone I would like to keep in touch with and get to be friends with. I slept with him anyway. ah well.....it was good sex anyway!
thirtiesgirl
I've been having sex for one since November and I think I've forgotten what it's like to have a partner. I'm so used to feeling up my own boobs, I wouldn't know what to do now with someone else in bed.
mumblestutter
dreams are SUPPOSED to be about mind blowing shit that can't happen in real life.

i just had a masturbation dream. it was a good masturbation dream...

but still. the only place i'm going to find another person is in my dreams right now. i wish my mind would accommodate this desire.
hellcat
I'm turning into a raging hornball. I don't know what is piking in my bloodstream or what but I just want to get.it.own. A few days ago I had to say "no" to ex-sex because I really ought to stop that as it is an unhealthy crutch. I'm not even thinking the same.

Example:

Today I thought it would be perfectly appropriate to screw some stanger just for letting me use his cell 'cause I had left my keys inside the building. I wasn't even that attracted to him, like I'd never stop and consider him in a different situation, but today. Oh man! I'm even regretting not jumping his bones now. Ugh.

I feel like I'm oozing with sexual energy.
konphusion26
QUOTE(hellcat @ Apr 12 2009, 08:14 PM) *
I'm turning into a raging hornball. I don't know what is piking in my bloodstream or what but I just want to get.it.own. A few days ago I had to say "no" to ex-sex because I really ought to stop that as it is an unhealthy crutch. I'm not even thinking the same.

I feel like I'm oozing with sexual energy.


Some ex sex would be awesome right now - any of them would do, I'm a desperate horny woman. I'm always oozing sexual energy. Just wish the one I'm committed to would feel it/understand it. It's like he's got a sex drive blocker on or something. WTF man? I don't know what else to do. I feel like my sex life is doomed. We've only been married 2 yrs.
auralpoison
Kon, honey, something has got to GIVE with you & the hubby sex-wise. I know you love your man, but you have NEEDS that aren't being met & it's not good for you or your relationship. Hubby doesn't own your vag any more than he owns your mind. Either he needs to be giving it up more or he needs to stop being such a fucking jealous pussy about sex toys for you. He needs to get over it or step up to the plate & swing that bat!

Sometimes solo sex is what you need: get in, get off, get out. Look at it this way, you could be getting down with the very human supermarket clerk outside of your marriage or getting down with Black&Decker in it. Toys are not something to impede intimacy or disrupt a relationship, they are but to get your nut with. There is no reason to get jealous of a toy; it's not holding you, it's not whispering sweet nothings, it's not spending lazy Sundays after church taking a stroll & having lunch. It's a utilitarian sex object that is kept in a drawer or some such until it's needed again for some relief.
konphusion26
QUOTE(auralpoison @ Apr 12 2009, 10:45 PM) *
Kon, honey, something has got to GIVE with you & the hubby sex-wise. I know you love your man, but you have NEEDS that aren't being met & it's not good for you or your relationship. Hubby doesn't own your vag any more than he owns your mind. Either he needs to be giving it up more or he needs to stop being such a fucking jealous pussy about sex toys for you. He needs to get over it or step up to the plate & swing that bat!

Sometimes solo sex is what you need: get in, get off, get out. Look at it this way, you could be getting down with the very human supermarket clerk outside of your marriage or getting down with Black&Decker in it. Toys are not something to impede intimacy or disrupt a relationship, they are but to get your nut with. There is no reason to get jealous of a toy; it's not holding you, it's not whispering sweet nothings, it's not spending lazy Sundays after church taking a stroll & having lunch. It's a utilitarian sex object that is kept in a drawer or some such until it's needed again for some relief.


AP I agree with you wholeheartedly! Trust me, I've been wanking like a mad woman and it satisfies me temporarily. But it just does not take the place of that intimacy I'm missing with my man. It does not fill that void but for the few minutes that it takes me to get myself off. After I recover, it's like "damn, I used to feel this way with him"; I don't know if it something i'm NOT doing that's caused him to get so lazy and selfish. I know he's not cheating because I'm with him all day except for the few hrs I don't see him at work. Even then, I know where he is, we work at the same place (different departments). He doesn't go anywhere after work unless I go with him. He refuses to go anywhere without me. I just get the feeling that this is going to hurt us sooner than later. I guess for him sex isn't that important. But for me, its necessary. Small Confession: I've seriously considered getting my thrills elsewhere, but I love him too much to do that. Plus, I feel convicted in my heart for even thinking about it. It's not really about how he'd feel or what he'd think.

Maybe he's just bored with us. I have tried everything I know to try short of telling him he sucks. LOL His ego/self esteem is so fragile as is. I truly don't want to hurt him. However, he knows that I'm hurting *just from life in general* and makes it a point to tell me he feels helpless to do anything about it. I dunno wtf we're going to do.

Perhaps my idea of relationships/marriage is skewed. This is the first serious relationship I've been in where sex WASN'T happening regularly. When it does happen, i feel like it was a waste of time and lube.

I guess I just need to get more aggressive. Go back to the Old T.
Aithinne
GAAAAAH I've been so friggin horny lately, it's not even funny. I haven't done it with a guy in over a year! And I really want to get a bf so I can get it on!!! I am a little frustrated because my bullet no longer works.. I think I broke the motor (teehee). So now I have to order a new one. Oh well, it lasted me for years. Will have a funeral for ol' trusty bullet though. One thing is good though, if I go out, I'll be radiating sexual energy, so maybe the guys will come like flies. I miss that feeling of interacting with a sexy man and feeling your temperature rise and everything gets more sensitive. Haha, I feel like such a caveman right now.
flanker_ji
I've been seeing aforementioned crush for the past month, we're having a great time, but he wants to hold off on sex until we know each other better.

I forgot my jacket in his car and didn't get it back until a week later. I put it on in my car on the way to a yoga class, and his smell enveloped me so completely, it was as if he was embracing me. I couldn't stop smiling the whole time I had the jacket on. I can't remember ever being so viscerally attracted to a man's smell.

I've never had to hold back physically with someone I was dating before, and I'll be amazed if I make it through without tackling him.
thepointybird
QUOTE(flanker_ji @ Apr 20 2009, 06:31 AM) *
I've been seeing aforementioned crush for the past month, we're having a great time, but he wants to hold off on sex until we know each other better.

I forgot my jacket in his car and didn't get it back until a week later. I put it on in my car on the way to a yoga class, and his smell enveloped me so completely, it was as if he was embracing me. I couldn't stop smiling the whole time I had the jacket on. I can't remember ever being so viscerally attracted to a man's smell.

I've never had to hold back physically with someone I was dating before, and I'll be amazed if I make it through without tackling him.


well, they do say waiting sharpens the appetite, so that could explain your reaction to his scent. I have to give you props tho, if I was seeing someone I found attractive and he was asking me to hold off like this, I would be going-out-of-my-mind horny! Good luck!
flanker_ji
You might be onto something there, pointybird!

The frustration has just begun - it all started a couple weeks ago when I got drunk and horny after a date, and had a MAJOR bout of sexual frustration as I was sobering up afterwards. There is definitely going to be some strategy put in place to avert that situation again.
thepointybird
QUOTE(flanker_ji @ Apr 24 2009, 04:44 AM) *
You might be onto something there, pointybird!

The frustration has just begun - it all started a couple weeks ago when I got drunk and horny after a date, and had a MAJOR bout of sexual frustration as I was sobering up afterwards. There is definitely going to be some strategy put in place to avert that situation again.


Flanker, if he's not up for actual physical stuff, would he maybe be up for a bit of sexual online chat etc? Might help relieve your frustration a bit, and I guess it's a fun, safe way to work out what makes him tick?
flanker_ji
I've been considering doing that, but I haven't been motivated to start a facebook account, which I think would be the most unassuming way to get it started. Might have to do that tomorrow...
epinephrine
Well I've been single for about 2 weeks now, but the last time I had sex was months ago. All I can think about is eating pussy. But, being freshly single, there's still a lot of emotional baggage attatched to sex - I just about cried while watching porn a minute ago. It made me miss the good days with my ex, when we'd have sex till 4 every night and we'd pass out exhausted and then wake up in the morning and fuck again until we were late for work and then we'd go to work with major pussy breath...We rarely had sex less than twice a day in the beginning. She was insatiable, and she tasted so good. I miss her.
MissB
You want frustration? Let me tell you a little story about MissB...

Once upon a time MissB always hoped for a fairytale story that would follow her poetry and prose. So after a relationship with the woman she fell out of love with and was actually engaged to ended, she felt like she lost nothing 'cos she wasn't just sexually attracted to her. She found herself wanting four girls at the same time... one she dated over a month, the second she wasn't attracted to but only was with because the woman was attracted to her and wasn't used to the special attention, the third and fourth were just probable friends or one night stands.

She fell in love with the first one... but always shielded how she felt because the woman was doing the same. The sex that was only had the one time was the best she's ever had. So when the woman got diagnosed with ovarian cancer and left for Florida for soul searching as well as the surgery, she put her guard up so MissB was never able to get into her. She gave up and only a week ago finally let go even after a HORRIBLE one night stand.

So now she's back to the drawing board, wanting to have that immediate closeness and chemistry with someone BUT wants sex so incredibly bad since haven't had any at least two months. She however has met two girls she's extremely attracted to but they don't want her. So she's sexless, a tiny percentage friendless, and masturbation DEFINITELY never works. Orgasms are always stronger with someone else.

The end.
auralpoison
Hi, MissB, thank you for sharing your story. Welcome to Bust.

Do stop by here, our newbies thread & introduce yourself to the whole community.
turner
hi!

i have a tiny problem that i fear will become large and unruly unless i nip it in the bud (so to speak). i am a 20-something lady gaye living in phoenix. i have this amazing gf, that is really amazing...but, like most ltr-ers we are finding ourselves in a "less-sex-than-i-would-like" rut. i can't tell if she just genuinely is not as libido charged as i am, or if this indicates a problem. in brief convos with other relationship-y folks i have discovered that after a year or so in any ltr, the sex kinda takes a nose dive. but, this feels horrible to me. talking about sex rarely helps anything in my experiences...so what is a gal to do?
thirtiesgirl
I haven't had sex with a partner in over 7 months, and I'm supposedly in a relationship. ...Or still in the dating stages, really. The LD boy never made it down to LA, due to various circumstances involving the DUI and money. I stuck to my guns and didn't drive up to see him, hoping that he'd find some way to make it down here and come see me. He never did. ...Until now. He's due to fly down on June 12 to see Neko Case with me, a few days before his license suspension is up. I don't know where he found the money, but I think his parents helped. I also don't know why he couldn't have made this work before, except that he didn't want to ask his parents for money. The only reason he's done it now (if that's how he afforded his flight) is because his birthday's in June, so perhaps this is their b-day present to him. I'm trying to psyche myself up to see him. I mean, I *am* excited...but at the same time, kind of not. Seven months is too long. My feelings have been in limbo and now I'm supposed to let them out to play, but they're not ready for it yet. They kind of don't know what to do.
culturehandy
cough*troll*cough
girltrouble
looks like i am 2 for 2.

the second person that i was thinking about starting something up with has just announced they are getting married. seems if you date me, but it doesn't work out because of timing, the next person you date you will marry.


*goes to hunt for a fork to gouge her eyes out*
zoya
GT - welcome to my world. FIVE - count 'em - FIVE of the guys I've dated have gone on to marry the next person they dated. And if they didn't marry 'em, they got serious with the next one. I was kinda wallowing in self pity about it for awhile, but finally I figured, fuck it. if they're not ready for me, I"m sure as shit not giving them anything they can learn then take to the next one.

BLEH.

((((GT))))
girltrouble
i'm sure you know this already, zoya, but this club sux.
candycane_girl
Gah! Frustration for me right now is getting an email from CC_boy telling me how badly he wants to see (ravish) me and then realizing that we just can't quite work it out because of our schedules. Oh well, I still get to see him tomorrow but dammit, I just wanted to get laid like...now!!
thepointybird
Hey all, I just had to come in and tell you that MY DROUGHT HAS ENDED! biggrin.gif Excellent 2 night fling last weekend with cute boy I met in Scotland, friend of a friend that I was staying with. Sorry, I'm not gloating or anything, just supremely happy and relieved. However, I shall now be returning to my regularly scheduled frustration. I'm just glad I got a brief break from it.....
flanker_ji
Congrats, pointybird!! That sounds great!
thepointybird
It was, especially as he gave me what was (probably) the best head of my life. Great skills in that area!
zoya
oh god, the last time anyone has been in here was in July. great.

I am so sex starved, that lately I've started having sex dreams. arrrrggghhh!!!!
candycane_girl
Every time I text my fuck buddy he doesn't end up responding until I'm asleep! I know that when I first met him we usually hung out pretty late at night but dude, just come over and fuck me right now please, not two or three hours after I've called.
treehugger
you know, I have been waking up horny for like three days out of every week for the last few months. Almost makes me wish I lived with somebody.
candycane_girl
I finally got in touch with him! Thank god!
epinephrine
Wow. I forgot what a sensual experience sexual frustration can be. I'm so horny and preoccupied by sex right now that everything turns me on. All my nerve endings are hypersensitive and every touch creates heat.

So, yeah. Mildly interesting side effect. But I'd really like to get laid now.
rogue
epi, I echo your sentiments. I don't think I'm nearly as bad off as you seem but I definitely wouldn't mind being fucked - and fucked hard and good. A few times.

I really don't want to be in a relationship but a fuck buddy would be nice (more in the way that you have, CCG, definitely not like the previous guy I was fooling around with) - the sad thing is I know a few men who would be willing but I'm not because they all have girlfriends/wives! Hello, if you want to fuck around with other women don't stay in a relationship! Bah. I feel bad for those poor girls - there's one guy (who has been a friend of mine for three years now) and I honestly want to tell his GF what a dog he is but I don't think it's my place. *sigh*
epinephrine
Well, damn. Looks like I'm going vibrator shopping today. I somehow managed to jam my pocket rocket closed yesterday, and couldn't get it open again without bending the metal conductor bit beyond repair. I switched it with one of the bits from one of my 2 other broken pocket rockets, but it doesn't seem to be working properly and the stupid thing keeps snarling like a lawnmower and dying on me at crucial moments. My little bullet vibe seems to lose power whenever I apply pressure, and my "back massager" isn't nearly powerful enough to get me off.

Yes, I am a vibrator's worst nightmare.

candycane_girl
lol, epi, I managed to break one of my vibes. It's a rabbit knock off and the dildo part just doesn't vibrate at all. I still use it though because the clit stimulator works just fine and that's all that really matters.
zoya
to hell with the heightened sensory perception of an extended dry period. I need to get laid. I swear, since I got my IUD, I'm even more horny. There is no physical reason for this, so I can only chalk it up to subconsciously knowing I can't get pregnant.... The damn IUD hasn't been taken for a drive since July, however and I'm GOING FUCKING NUTS!!!
epinephrine
I can't stop masturbating, but I haven't been able to get off in two days. I think I'm broken.
BustiRubi
Feel like I've been unsuccessful at writing out fantasies with my...long distance lover/friend? My period makes me so horny, but what bugs me is I was more horny during the day and I waited to talk to him and I'm just not into it now that I am talking to him. Part of it probably has to do with my insecurity of not knowing what to write. He's so good at it and I struggle a little bit with it , I've never done this :/ I like it though.

I'd prefer to have him in my bed right now..for realz...this frustrates me.


epinephrine
Coming up on a year. God help me.
twelve_percent
I'm on like. . . 4 months. It was hard at 2 but now I'm good. I can just wank repeatedly in a day and I'll be satisfied. OOOO!!! I got a Hitachi Magic Wand!!! But that's something for another thread.
sageykins
I guess it hasn't been that long really- 2+ months, but ever since he and I broke up- it has equaled one incredibly horny me. Holy. God. Above. I want sex like I haven't wanted it in FOREVER. ARGH.
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