Aug 20 2007, 01:16 AM
Octinoxate: I did indeed tell the boy he did well. Repeatedly.
Mouse: Yeah, I am very pleased. I mean, there is room for improvement but . . . yeah, pleased. :-)
Laurenann: I agree with what Octinoxate said. Ignore the friends. Just be upfront with the boy about what you want right now. If you're not ready for anything serious, say so. Making out like high schoolers is the best. ~grins~
Nothing really new to report here. Virgin Boy went on tour with his band over a week ago, got a drunk phone call from him Saturday night while I drunkenly headed to the bar with some friends. Was supposed to hang out with Film Boy on Saturday but his parents got him too drunk to drive out. Emailed one of the email crushes, Exchanged texts Saturday night with the other one.
How were your weekends?
Aug 20 2007, 09:51 AM
mouse, oops my bad.. my mind was in the gutter again
octinoxate, going with the flow is a good plan indeed!
ImDancingBarefoot, his parents got him drunk? that's awesome.
Its been pretty much uneventful for me this weekend as I worked all weekend,(boo!) the crush worked, and we could've gotten together but... her social calender is apparently more full than mine. Something tells me I should start looking at other options in the dating scene as I hardly ever see the person I'm sort of dating. We're not exclusive, I suppose there's no rule against that. but I really like her. I'm trying not to over think things. I get kind of frustrated that she's always
busy! Though, we have plans for tonight after work.
have happy monday all!
Aug 20 2007, 09:55 AM
okay then, after this weekend i think i may be done in the crush thread and on to freaking out in the general relationship advice thread. what have i gotten myself into?? this guy is SO awesome, SO sweet, SO hot, but he is gonna SO scare me off. like, we hung out until midnight last night and he just called me now to see what i'm "up to" today.
love to hear about other's weekends...
Aug 20 2007, 11:57 AM
Wow, crushies! So much has happened since my last post here......one would think i've gone to another world....well, i guess i will be joining laurenann in the dating thread. i've been hanging out bunches with my neighbor crush and things are going really well until i start thinking along the "what if" lines.....
anyway, mouse - sounds like lawyer should go IMO
and to all the others - best of luck with said crushes - maybe I'll lurk on occassion just to keep up!
Aug 20 2007, 07:18 PM
laurenann, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, girl, jeeze! oh, poor you, your crush pays attention to you and wants to know what you're up to. *smack* i mean, kidding aside, i can understand running from intimacy full well, but on the other hand, don't let that jeopardize what sounds like it could be potentially amazing. seriously.
snarky--CONGRATS! not like we didn't see it coming from a mile away
have fun with it! awesome!
muffy--finding other prospects would probably do you wonders. not only would it give you things to uh, occupy yourself with when your crush is busy, but it would probably make you more desirable to her if you weren't always readily available. i know that smacks of "the rules" but a little mystique never did anybody any harm. go for it!
as for my weekend--well, i didn't see lawyer at all (as was expected--he had a friend in town) but i did come away with two new crushes. HAHAHA. one is very mild and probably only because he is the first straight boy i have met in ages full stop, but he is pretty damn dreamy and is also a good friend of one of my good friends. however i'm sure that there is no chance of him being interested in me; we hung out in a large group for the better part of sunday and he did not really pay me much attention at all. which is fine, i know when someone is out of my league. but he was very nice to look at. the other is one of another friend's new roommate and a LADY but goddamn if she does not pretty much embody everything i find attractive in a girl. *sigh* she's incredibly good looking and incredibly cocky and sweet as well. i paid for her to get into the street fair this weekend and she declared that she would have to take me out to dinner as recompense. she bummed cigarettes from me all day and we both ended up basically carrying our other (wasted) friend home from said street fair and hanging out afterwards. i think she is devastatingly dreamy but i am a shy boots and there's also that whole lesbians-run-screaming-from-bi-girls thing, and i am not hot enough for that factor to be overlooked (she was making comments about drunk friend's straight roommate all night, who apparently IS hot enough). SIGH.
wondering if i should call lawyer. i don't think i can let this one go until i've slept with him, or else i will regret it afterwards. eh.
Aug 20 2007, 08:30 PM
I had an awesome weekend. My best friend in San Francisco came down to visit me and we partied it up. We went to that pool party where Bcrush would be and everything went 'swimmingly'. There were oodles of hot mamas in bikinis but I consumed the right amount of liquid courage not too get too insecure about my pasty skin and no boobs
Anyway, Bcrush and I had some conversation but still no flirting. My friend says he seems like he likes me but is shy. Eventually the cops came to break up the party (technically, no one had membership at this pool and we weren't supposed to be there--ha!) My friend and I were the first to obey the cops and make an exit, and as I was saying goodbyes Bcrush told me that he was going to try to get everyone to continue the party at his house and that he would call me. Sooo, sure enough he does call and says that the group splintered off and he will not be throwing a party,..*but* that my friend and I should go over anyway and hang with him and his housemates! Squeee!
So we go over, and its very cool. It was just five of us, two guys three girls, and we just goofed off and watched Degrassi JH dvds. Still though, nothing that could remotely be preceived as flirting by Bcrush, other than him being nice. The next day he sent me an email saying he had a good time and that he "hopes to see me around again" :/
So what gives? Does he just want to be pals or could he like me? Looks like I'm in good company with you, octi! I too am just gonna have to be patient and stuff. The problem is, I don't usually like shy guys though. I mean, I've only dated two shy guys before and I didnt have sex with either of them because I got scared that it'd be dull. Then again, the cocky guys I tend to fall for never want to commit, and the bottomline is I do want a crush to turn into more.
Hrmph!! What do you guys think?
Aug 20 2007, 08:53 PM
greenbean, i think he's probably into you. i doubt a guy who wanted to just be friends would take the time to email you. i think usually dudes will go to lengths to make sure you know they're not into you. like i've said before on this forum, give the shy ones a chance. make a move. if it sucks--well, at least you tried right? and don't necessarily write shy off as dull in bed. once i'm convinced someone likes me, i'm quite happily "dtf" as they say, but it takes a bit to convince me and until i'm convinced, i'm not giving out much. this guy could well be the same. good luck!
Aug 20 2007, 11:33 PM
Ha, GB, once you figure out what the hell is going on and how to handle it, you come let me know, you hear? Re: shy guys being boring in bed-- I wouldn't be so quick to assume so, because while I think generally you can gauge what someone would be like in bed based on various factors, I have sure been surprised once or twice!!! One of nerdiest, most awkward guys I've ever dated turned out to be one of the most kinky and exciting in bed! I was pleasantly SHOCKED.
Lauren, your boy sounds really sweet! Do you feel like it would be necessary and/or comfortable to tell him you're "not looking for anything serious right now" or something along those lines? So you're off the hook, so to speak?
Mouse, have fun with your dreamy new crushes! Are you sure you're not selling yourself short too fast? Either way, sometimes crushing is fun in and of itself, I think, no?
I'm feeling really ambivalent about my own crush lately! I saw him again this evening, briefly, at work. We had a nice chat until I had to run to meet a friend. Whenever I talk to him, it's like I'm torn between feeling 1.) happy/giddy/flustered/pleasantly crushie! and 2.) crappy because he doesn't show any signs of crushin' right back. I'm going to give him a call tomorrow to see if he wants to run an errand with me to our town's cutesy, award-winning toy store to buy some presents, and maybe grab lunch while we're at it. Hopefully his feelings will become clear soon, one way or the other. In the mean time, I keep reminding myself to chill the fuck out, and to flirt more! I don't know that I really know how to flirt per se, since I'm normally more direct-- and/or friendly to everyone equally!
Snarky, good luck with your budding relationship!
Muffy, that situation sucks. Do you know if she's seeing other people or not? (I'd hate it if my sorta-GF were too busy for me because she was out dating other folks!!!!)
Aug 21 2007, 12:38 PM
quick drive by -
Had dinner with SB last night. A bit awkward at first on my part, he sensed it and asked - I kinda wussed out on talking to him about stuff - him dropping out completely for a couple of months, that talk we had where I way jumped the gun, etc. I think he would have been receptive to it, I didn't 100% wuss out, but I was just awkward. He told me it was ok.. he's still not in the place to be in something, but I know it's alright.
then we walked around and had a drink, walked around somemore
then went back and had sex all night then woke up to some sex then laid in bed until 3 when we got up and got lunch.
there you go (for now.) we'll see...
Aug 21 2007, 10:18 PM
omg zoya!! it was with SB!!
Aug 22 2007, 05:51 AM
*does happy dance* yaaay zoya
Aug 22 2007, 07:28 PM
Zoya!!! Oh my gawd!
About the shy guy thing,.I know its not right to assume they're bad in bed, I just get nervous about it cuz its not what I'm used to. Bcrush isn't very nerdy, and hes very tall and has striking features--not the kind of person you'd think would be shy--so I find him very mysterious in that way. I'm very curious about what hes like in bed, and I fantasize that hes the type that whispers drrrty stuff in my ear...*sigh* but alas, I gotta be patient with this one. I hope I see him this weekend, but I'm not even sure I will since no plans have been made. Bah.
Aug 22 2007, 09:13 PM
zoya, cool! glad you seem to be enjoying how things are going!
i just got back from hanging with PrettyBoy and am feeling sort of bummed. I'm more and more convinced of the "he's just not that into me" hypothesis, rather than the "he's really shy" hypothesis. though we continue to enjoy each other's company, he continues to put out no signals nor anything that could possibly be conceived of as flirtation. i've been trying to be a little bit more flirty myself, like some of y'all suggested-- the old prolonged eye contact, telling him that i have fun spending time with him, getting out of the car to give him a hug goodbye instead of a simple wave and "so long", making the occasional innuendo... but to no avail
he never seems to up the ante, so to speak-- he rolls with what i say/do, but he didn't invite me in, didn't do any flirting or move-making of his own. and so far, it has been me doing the inviting/ initiating about hanging out (though he always seems genuinely enthused to accept).
on the one hand, i don't want to be pushy... if he doesn't dig me, i can take a hint. i don't want to make a move and make him uncomfortable, or lose the chance to be friends with him, or feel awkward about going into the place that he works at/ i patronize.
on the other hand, he does indeed seem like the type of guy who would be really awkward and shy with a girl he liked. and to be fair, i'm not well-versed with this subtle signal-giving shit and maybe i'm just doing a bad job of it... besides, i'm friendly to everybody (and he sees it in how i interact with the other customers and staff, many of whom i've become friends with) so maybe he just assumes that he's not actually getting any special treatment. it would be a damn shame to miss out on getting together with him just because we're both making assumptions about the other person's level of interest.
so, gah- is there some way that i can clearly express my interest without inconsiderately putting him in an awkward situation if he is not interested? i mean, fuck fear of rejection, it's not a big deal-- i just want to know one way or the other! could i say something like: "i've been having a really good time getting to know you... and actually i've been developing quite the little crush on you. and since i'm terrible at sending and receiving signals-- i have no sense of subtlety-- i just wanted to tell you that straight-out." ? And then just see what he does with that? Would there be some smarter/ more graceful way to go about this? Eg, to give him an easy "out"? Or do i just need to keep my big mouth shut altogether?
also, i want to note that i'm going out of town on friday morning for 3 weeks. should i just say "screw it" and forget about this whole thing for now, and see how things have or have not changed when i get back?
thanks for listening to my teen angst ramblings, ladies! i'd appreciate any perspective you can offer!
good luck with your crushes and post-crushes
Aug 22 2007, 09:18 PM
double post, sorry!
Aug 22 2007, 10:43 PM
Outta town for three weeks!? Whoa, I say definitely wait til you get back, cuz you may not even have the crush anymore by then! And if you still do, you can start with a fresh perspective and maybe a more certain idea of how to go about it.
Aug 23 2007, 12:11 AM
octi, i would say wait until you get back from your vacay and hang out with him again. no sense in posing an ultimatum when you're not gonna be around. if it seems like nothing has changed once you get back, THEN i'd up the ante a little--put yourself out on a limb, confess your feelings, and see how he takes it. and confessing could also be non-verbal--going in for a kiss, or whatever. but i agree with gb--wait until you get back to make any developments.
i have another date with lawyer friday. it is the "third date" and i think if i don't freak out about it i will probably invite him over after. we will see how things go. if he is as mild in bed as he has been on dates, i think i will have to bring an end to whatever this is. i am suspecting that is how it will go. but i am still open to being surprised. we shall see.
Aug 23 2007, 08:03 AM
*delurks to high-five zoya*
Octinoxate, I respectfully disagree with the other advice given. If you've been crushing on him a while, I would tell him before you go, along the lines you suggest: 'I've developed a little crush on you' sounds charming IMO, even if not reciprocated. (Somebody said this to me recently and I was charmed, even though I'm in a longterm relationship.)
Also IME boys can take a little while to process their feelings. So: you let him know then allow him to mull it all over while you're away, and ideally miss you a bit. And saying something before you go might stop you stewing over things too. Go for it, albeit gently!
Aug 23 2007, 01:28 PM
Thanks for the advice, ladies!! I think I'll go ahead and wait until I get back to say/do anything more.... besides, i should be focusing on packing and other to-do's before leaving town, instead of a boy! but yes, syb, i totally agree about boys needing more time than women to process through their feelings! who knows, maybe he'll realize he has a mind-blowing crush on me while i'm away, even without me saying anything now
mouse, i sure do hope you get pleasantly surprised! good luck!! (BTW- is that photo of you? if so, you're so fucking cute!)
Aug 23 2007, 02:48 PM
Hi...I have a bit of a crush situation and would be ever so grateful for second opinions.
Earlier this month, I got to hang out extensively (in a group) one evening with PocketBassist, whom I've been crushing on from a distance for a couple of years now. We chatted, we flirted lightly; it was fun. However, unbeknownst to me at the time, my best guy friend, thinking he was doing me a favor, told him early in the evening that hooking up with me would be, in his words, like shooting fish in a barrel. My other friends who were there said afterwards that PocketBassist acted like he was interested, but given the information that he had, that he didn't make any sort of a move knowing that it was a sure thing makes me think that he wasn't interested at all.
But really, that's not the problem. I'm going to get to see him and possibly hang out again at the beginning of September, and with all the ambiguity (and him knowing that I want him) I have absolutely no idea how to interact with him. My instinct is to be completely breezy and nonchalant; does that sound good, or do y'all have other suggestions?
Aug 23 2007, 06:58 PM
llamas, well do you want him? acting nonchalent is fine and all but if you act too nonchalent he may think your over it. You don't have to act like your desperate or anything... maybe be subtle about still being interested.
Mouse, good luck with the third date, I hope you get to third base and have fun doing it
speaking of third base, way to go Zoya! at least someone getting some!
octinoxate, it sounds like perhaps he could possibly be shy or just not very good at making the first move, I myself am awful at making the first move. which means you may have to make the move yourself, if your up for the challenge. I kind of agree with everyone on waiting that way it doesn't ruin your vacation if he says no. But if you have his addy you should send a postcard, you know something for him to remember you by.
I've been working crazy hours this week but did manage to see the girl. We went out for dinner and a movie. We talked during dinner and before the movie, not about not seeing each other because I'm not that confrontational. Though there was mention of her feelings about relationships. I think she was subtly saying she doesn't really want a relationship - damn it! I guess I can have fun for now. And I suppose like Mouse had said, I can date around... maybe she'll change her mind if I'm too busy, I hear absence makes the heart grow fond. Or maybe I'll just meet someone who will make time for me. I did just got a new part time job next door to the local gay coffee shop!
Aug 23 2007, 08:20 PM
muffy--congrats on the job, first of all! yay! secondly--bummer that your lady does not want a relationship, but sounds like she still wants to keep seeing you casually right? that could be fun too. but definitely keep your options open--and, speaking as someone who worked in them for years, coffeeshops are about the easiest places to meet people besides bars--sometimes even moreso than bars. i'm sure you'll do fine!
llamas, i think you could go two ways. one, you could be totally cool and nonchalant and pretend like nothing happened and you guys are same as you ever were, ORRRR you could put the moves on him. him not shooting said fish in said barrel isn't, honestly, the greatest sign ever, but it does not definitely mean that he is not into you. he might just need some more suggesting
congrats on gettin' some zoya! i am not familiar with the history between you and SB but i am inferring that it is weighty. WOO!
octi, have fun wherever you're goin--and yeah, maybe prettyboy will miss you and suddenly realize his LUV. (and yeah--that's me! and thanks! aw shucks!)
i think my work crush was trying to flirt with me today. HE MAKES ME SO NERVOUS! that is when i know a crush is BAD, cos they make me drop things and forget basic english syntax. needless to say, lawyer does neither for me. whine whine whine. anyway--we both ended up at the taco truck at the same time again, and walked back upstairs together. i was kind of walking away but he got my attention and started talking just about totally random stuff, and he kept barreling onto the next subject so quickly that i didn't even realize we were talking about something new and my brain, overloaded already with flustered crush pheromones, got even more confused and i just basically stopped saying things that were actually words. but it was kind of cute, it was like he wanted to have as elaborate a conversation as possible in the little time we had together, so he tried to shove all the topics in there at once. wheee......now if only i could run into him outside of work! i swear to god if he didn't work with me i'd be throwing myself at him hardcore.
Aug 23 2007, 09:13 PM
Muffy, the new job sounds like an awesome opportunity to meet people! Never hurts to look, right?
Mouse, I totally sympathize with your nerves...PocketBassist makes me do that too! Be unable to speak coherently, I mean. And I appreciate your honesty about said boy...I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds the lack of fish-shooting to be questionable! I think you and Muffy are right that I need to maybe make more of a pass...dammit. Not only does the thought of being shot down by him make me feel like vomiting, but I have never in my 26 years made the first move on anyone (pathetic, I know), so I kinda am clueless as to how to do it. This could be interesting!
Aug 23 2007, 11:52 PM
Aug 24 2007, 07:12 PM
hey everyone. i was catching up on the posts in here, and you all are singing my song! i too am having trouble with making the first move with my crush, brown-eyed boy. i met him in a writing class we had together last winter, and i had finally plucked up the courage to ask him out on a date, ironically one week before he was to begin a 6month internship on a farm out of state, 12 hours away. he said he'd write to me while he was away, which he did (twice), and we also kept in touch pretty frequently over email and the phone. I even went down to visit him during a road trip i took with one of my friends; we stayed at his place and hung out with him for a day during our travels. now, he's coming home, and it's clear to me that i need to tell him how i feel about him. things are already so ambiguous--sometimes he sends me signals indicating that he likes me(telling me how i have a really awesome personality and that i always come through for him on a consistant basis), but then sometimes he says things to me that a guy would say to a girl friend (such as telling me he can't wait to come back to our city because he's starved for women...you don't say that to a potential love interest right!? that would just be crass). regardless, i do at least know he likes me as a friend, so i'm having that awkward "do i tell him, or do i just wait and see what happens" debate. but it seems like it would be best to just tell him. what do i have to lose compared to what i could gain? so i'm wondering if you all could give me some advice, some creative suggestions on how i can tell him how i feel with confidence, especially since there is a great possibility that he doesn't feel the same about me. unfortunately, i'm a terrible flirt, and i also feel inclined to just avoid the whole thing by latching on to the idea that he doesn't like me more than a friend and letting it sink in, but my friends think that if i do that i will be missing out. what do you think?
Mouse- your work crush sounds so exciting! is it the kind of thing that would be inappropriate to make a move? like ask to get drinks after work?
Aug 24 2007, 08:52 PM
man i wrote a whole long post and then my internet crapped out and i lost it.
i broke it off with the lawyer. i feel like a jerk because i did it over the phone and an hour before the date, but i feel that was kinder than making him drive out, take me out, and then telling him. it really had gotten to a point where there was never going to be an appropriate way or time. anyway, he didn't seem hurt, he was like "well i couldn't really tell so i'm not too surprised" and i think i did it with enough time so that he could still salvage his evening. ugh. but the OVERWHELMING RELIEF i feel tells me that i did the right thing. honestly i thought this was going to be a social experiment teaching me how to date people, but what it really ended up teaching me is if you know you don't like someone, best tell them RIGHT AWAY or else you will have nervous breakdowns about it and feel like more of a jerk the longer you wait.
workcrush is still cute. he deals with my files after i finish them and i have such an evil temptation to deliberately make mistakes so he has to come ask me about them. BAD MOUSE BAD! and stststststststutter, unfortunately it's not a situation where i could ask him to hang out outside work without a glaring "EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS IS BASICALLY A DATE" sign on my forehead, and i don't want to risk that at my workplace. hmph. once before we all went out as an office after work, and i feel like if that happened again it would be easier to suggest going somewhere else after, but i don't know if or when it will happen again.
as for your boy, i think you should tell him (of course. that is always my advice. tell him!) but i think you should wait until he is back in town. you should tell him so that he can kiss you right away if he agrees
Aug 25 2007, 03:31 AM
Sststststutter - I think that you should ask him to get together and do something when he gets back, so that you can see how the vibe is when you're together. Like dinner, or just hanging out or whatever. It doesn't sound like it will be an issue, it seems like, from what you've said, that he'll be in to doing something together.. I'd say do something fun so that there is no pressure at all in the air, just make yourself be in the moment and enjoy your time together. See how it feels. I've noticed that sometimes when I'm away from someone (or they're away) my sense of liking them is kind of warped - that is, I find myself liking them for what I remember, or for the little bits I get from them, and I need to actually spend some time with them and be reminded of who they ARE, so that I know for sure if there really is something there on my side.
Anyhow, if it feels right during hanging out, I say tell him that you like him and would like to spend more time together. Don't make it a big deal, and just be open to whatever he says. Who knows, maybe just you doing something together and having a great time will help him take the first step. You never know. If you aren't sure, don't say anything. Enjoy your time, and suggest getting together again. Wait until YOU feel good about it, for YOU.
I just think that if you come out and say it prior to you actually hanging out and re-connecting, that he might get a little freaked out (guys tend to do that, and I know this from experience. read the archives.. UGH) re-connecting and spending some time together can let him see how much he likes spending time with you and what he could have, and help you not to do all the work. Also it will allow you to decide for yourself if you even still do like him that way once you spend a little time with him IRL.
anyhoo, just my .02 cents.
Aug 25 2007, 01:28 PM
Ophelia come back! You still in lala land?
Stutter, i agree with Zoya. And how about you, Zoya,? how are things about SB? I know you said he's still not ready for a commitment,..but are you still crushing on him? Is he going to do better at keeping in touch?
Mouse, I'm proud of you. It was a good experiment I'm sure, and lawyer should be fine. Work Crush might work out eventually, just hang in there. Work and school crushes are great cuz you know you're gonna see them all the time and get to know them without having to make dates. Plus, you already know he respects you Mouse, because you are talented and a good worker. And art boys tend to be interested in art girls, cuz we 'get' each other.
My Bcrush is an art boy, which I think has helped aid our conversations. I still can't tell though if he is only interested in me as an art friend or more. Last night he texted me and asked what I was doing this weekend. I said I had plans for the night but asked if anything was going on for the rest of the weekend. He said such-and-such bar "would be cool" and that he'll give me a call. Eeeeep!! I don't know if thats a prelude to asking me out or if he just means "this is where I'll be, maybe I'll see you". I'm tempted to ask my friend (the one who introduced us) if he can answer my many questions about Bcrush, but I'm also scared to let the cat out of the bag that I like him...
...and another thing, if he does ask me on a date tonight what the hell am I going to wear?!? Are heels too obvious?? Aaaarg!!!!
Aug 25 2007, 01:43 PM
gb, depends on what kind of a lady you are! i think heels are not too obvious. i wear heels just going out with my friends, but i also like to dress up to go out regardless. it sounds to me like he likes you--if he is calling you personally and asking to hang out. i'll reiterate, i think a guy who just wanted to be friends wouldn't be expending so much effort to do so. i think he is interested.
ima be at f yeah fest tonight and tomorrow, and i'm gonna dress up and find someone to make out with. goddammit.
Aug 25 2007, 03:18 PM
hi greenbean -
yeah I still dig him.. it's still remarkably easy to hang out with him. I was a little more guarded this time, a little more..critical, I guess, for want of a better word... kind of just feeling things out. Like I said, I was feeling kind of awkward, 'cause it's been a long time - I didn't get 100% past the guarded thing the whole time, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I don't think it was too obvious, but hopefully obvious enough that he might get the vibe that he needs to do a little more work.
I wanted to bring up the keeping in touch thing, but I didn't exactly. I brought up to him at one point the thing about him dropping off the face of the earth for two months, but then I dropped it. I guess my train of thought was that after me jumping the gun back in April, I didn't want to be like "don't drop off the face of the earth again." I'm sitting back and seeing how things go, and if they progress, I'll bring it up.
He did bring up a couple of times that I should come up and visit him or he should come down and visit me... it really depends on our (as of now in flux) schedules, so we'll see. I was really adamant about saying "well, we'll see what our schedules are and make a plan" ...I didn't say anything about playing it by ear or anything like that.
I have not heard from him for nearly 3 days, though...but all I can do is just remember that I'm me, I rock, he knows that, and (hopefully) still feels that, and that he'll come around if so.
so there you go.
yeah, Ophelia, where are you? what is going on with you? update, please!
and has ANYONE heard from AP? I'm worried about her.
Aug 26 2007, 02:54 PM
You do rock, Zoya!
Me, ugg. This crush I have is a doozy. I did see Bcrush last night and I did wear heels, but it was totally NOT a date. Turns out the bar he invited me to hired him to take photos of the place/band to put on their website. So basically he was there to work but wanted friends to come. When he told me this on the phone I was a little disapointed and thought maybe I wouldn't go, but I had a couple of friends who wanted to go out so we went there. When I saw him he was nice and we made small talk, but I felt more nervous than usual and the conversation didn't flow very nicely. It was a loud bar though, not the best place to talk. My friends and I hung around for about an hour and then one of them went outside for a smoke, and the bouncer wouldnt let her (or anyone) back in because the place was past capacity. Frustrated, and not feeling very successful with Bcrush, I decided we should go somewhere else. I found Bcrush and told him I had to go, and he said thanks for coming and gave me a hug (our first physical contact) and then said sorry he was busy and couldn't hang out much, and then hugged me again, this time more sexy and lingering, hand dragging across my waist like a caress kinda thing. Aaarg!! Why am I getting such mixed signals from this dude? On one hand he didn't make much effort to give me attention, didn't offer to buy me a drink,..but then two hugs? One being the sexy kind I don't usually get from 'just friends'? Is that something or am I reaching here?
Anyway, my friends and I bar-hopped around downtown and I got super wasted and now I'm hung-over and totally depressed. Good thing its cloudy today, makes me feel less guilty about staying inside in my pjs at 2pm. Blech.
Aug 26 2007, 04:15 PM
IT IS ACTUALLY RAINING IN LA RIGHT NOW HOLY CRAP
gb, i don't think you should write him off just yet. if he was working, he was probably too busy to give you too much attention. why not ask HIM out?
i did not make out with anyone last night. i most likely will not tonight either. i did get told i looked adorable by five million random girls who liked my outfit, and learned that one of my gay friends considers me the girl he would date if straight. THANKS GUYS. if my adorability is obvious to people who are not hetero males, why are said hetero males so oblivious to it? meh.
Aug 28 2007, 05:56 AM
ok, so update on SB - I've not talked to him or heard from him since late last wed night when we talked on the phone -save for me saying hi on IM for about a second on sunday. I don't for a second think that this is premeditated or that he's 'over it.' I just think he's fucking clueless, and he's subconsiously put me on the shelf while he's busy doing whatever (most likely work) - based on his past M.O. In fact, this is almost a play for play repeat of the last go-around.
I'm not making excuses, just sayin.
That said, I'm pretty fucking over it. All I need to hear from him is something as simple as "hi. I'm fucking slammed right now." and it would be fine. I don't expect him to call every day. I don't expect anything, other than it feels pretty fucking strange that we hang out for almost two days straight, have a great time, talk about visiting, (actually HE talked about visiting when we're both not working, several times. I never brought it up) and then I dont' hear from him, not even a "Hi, how's it going"
the only thing that I really wish I'd done was address the going AWOL thing when we were together. I had wanted to, but I know I wussed out. Not because I was afraid of any response from him, I just know I was playing it safe in that area, since I was kinda sitting back and seeing how he handled things. I mean, no fucking way do I want to be the girl that doesn't have any contact with him and then when he finally gets in touch and wants to hang out is like "ok..!" Come the fuck on.
whatever. The only thing that could really redeem him now is if he was to say hello and have a really good reason for disappearing. And being busy with his friends, etc doesn't count. I don't even care if he's busy. All he has to do is say so. It's just the gesture. That's all I need.
I'm so fucking over the whole guy / crush / relationship thing. I just wanna go home from this work project I'm on, sleep in my own bed, hang out with friends, and not fucking deal with the whole guy thing in general at all.
oh yeah, and I have a kidney infection. and I'm PMSing. and I feel like I'm getting a head cold. And the car I was driving in the other night got run off the road by another car and almost flipped into a ditch. So that doesn't help a whole lot either.
sorry for the vent.
at the risk of the above being completely selfish and self-pitying sounding, I'm just gonna give a blanket (((crushies)))
Aug 28 2007, 06:53 PM
What a stinker!
Mouse, yer right, while Bcrush isn't very foward he is showing some signs. But I won't be asking him out just yet because--
first the bad news --he's going on a trip for the next 2 weeks!
But *good news* is-- he called me last night to let me know!
He seemed really nervous, in like "you may be wondering why I'm telling you this" sorta way, but I'm stoked cuz it means he thinks were at some point of knowing each other where I should know that he won't be around. And he says he'll see me "when he gets back", eventhough he didnt make a date. But hey, the boy has a pace and I'm just gonna have to wait for 2 weeks and see if it picks up.
Aug 29 2007, 10:23 PM
Monday night I took a taxi at midnight when I got to my train stop, and the cabbie was this young guy with greasy long hair who was playing rock music like Judas Priest and ZZ Top from the rock radio station. He told me how he was the only one on duty that night and that he was late from picking up other people and driving around. Maybe it was the sleazy look he had, the late night, or the rock music, but I wanted to give him a blow job. I was too scared to act sexy and suggest it, but it came up in my mind, and I was intrigued by the idea of giving a blow job to a stranger in a cab. It's funny how my libido can be piqued by unlikely moments.
Aug 30 2007, 01:36 PM
anna k, you DO have the sexiest mind.
And I have been in Let's talk about Sex, more, but after a talk with Poet about how our relationship is just going downhill from here because he doesn't do commitment, I feel single again. Rather free-ing, I think, so I'm putting Poet back on the "Crush" shelf, and I'm going to start poking about for some new entertainment.
Rule: Must be an improvement over the previous crush.
And I also, still, think I ought not to go for anyone who frequents the goth night I go to. However, where else to meet people? ..... Hm.
Aug 31 2007, 06:29 PM
(((zoya)))) that's ridiculous. and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. good luck with the situation.
i don't have anything to report, except that i no longer can steal wireless from my neighbour and have set up my own (after 2.5 years!) internet connection in my apartment, but it won't be working till sunday. so i will probably not be around until then (at a cafe now, doing WORK. ugh. worst time for internets to crap out, ever).
Sep 3 2007, 09:55 PM
A friend said that she thought my old crush might be gay because his Myspace had pics of him looking homoerotic or appealing to gay guys, and his orientation was marked as "no answer." I thought it was funny, and still liked to fantasize about having a threesome with him and another guy so I could watch them make out or have sex.
I've been getting hit on this past week. I wrote about in the confessions thread that I liked it when some teen boys called me sexy and said I had a nice ass, and Saturday night I was flirted with again by some teen boys, some who were cute but looked too young for me. I was high off of it, but came off of it when I was on the train at 2 am and approached by a man who wanted to have a conversation with me, despite that I was listening to music on my headphones. He had a soft voice and creeped me out, so I told him that I wanted to listen to my music. It unnerved me and made me annoyed at being objectified as a target.
Saturday night I had an itching, and imagined going to bars and finding a guy to make out with, but I didn't want to stand around and look desperate or frustrated. I just bought a new vibrator later, and was satisfied with flirting and having my ego stroked for a few minutes to feel good and sexy and hot.
Sep 6 2007, 02:17 PM
Anna, I always find it interesting how the source of flirting/flattery can completely change how you feel about it. I totally enjoyed a carful of young teenage boys waving and yelling on the highway this weekend, but was creeped out last night by a guy whistling from a van.
Speaking of, last night I saw PocketBassist again, and am even more confused than ever. Had another lovely evening of both laughing and flirting our asses off, and then he walked me to my car. He gave me a very, um, extensive hug and pulled back a little bit like he was going to kiss me or something...then extricated himself and said "I'm sorry." I asked what for, and he replied, you know what, and walked away. Gah and wtf!
What annoys me so much is that I'm causing myself so much angst over a boy who, due to our situations, geographic and otherwise, can never be more than a friend and occasional hookup, just because I've had a raging crush on him for two years. I need to calm down, seriously.
Sep 7 2007, 01:47 AM
two new crushes from art school........
one the boyish yet manly J-Ocrush who I ran into, me dressed to the 9's and on my way home from the sketchiest part of town, and him, jeans/t-shirt, eyes averted from all the sketchcases there. SO I say, "Hi, J-O." And he was surprised to see me, started asking about school (we go to the same art school) and then stuttered to a stop as he started noticing what I was wearing...... oh, yeah. I felt SO hot. and since than I get hugs when I see him.
and the ripped street artist B-crazy crush who walked with me to the bus, and then when it was time for his stop, gave me a heavy kiss-on-the-cheek; wet and kindof scratchy from his beard. He does street art, repossessing advertisements, and big sculptures- the kind of art I'm into but haven't explored, and that is totally intriguing. Did I mention he's ripped? washboard abs on an artist...who would guesss?
Anyways, these two new artist boys are ones I shall see around this year, so I think school WILL be entertaining!
Sep 7 2007, 11:53 AM
I think I need to go back to art school.
Sep 7 2007, 08:03 PM
WORD, greenbean. holy god.
Sep 9 2007, 09:35 PM
damn I need to go back to school as well.
all that creativity mixed with raging hormones - no wait, that's me all the time!
I've gone on a few dates with the Ms. We're kind of dating but can see other people... yet I'm not and there's not alot of action on my end. I hope someone here is getting some!
Sep 9 2007, 10:59 PM
i'm still........sortof.......getting some from poetcrush........ sometimes.
bu Muffy! You nailed it: raging hormones and creativity!!! I always need more
Nothing new over the weekend
Sep 10 2007, 02:30 PM
Yay for hormones and creativity, always!
Well, supposedly PocketBassist made out with a complete skank (yes, I know it's neither nice nor feminist to call other gals skanks, but I know her and I promise she really is) last night. I give up.
Sep 14 2007, 10:28 PM
i am sorry, llamas--that sucks! but get the facts for certain before you give up...you could be wrong. fingers crossed!
workcrush is driving me crazy. nothing is ever going to happen with it but i can't stop fantasizing about it and it is Very Very Bad. bikecrush was a little more attentive last the last few times i saw him, but nothing out of what normal people do. he gave me a hug. but he gave everybody else hugs too. girlcrush is, i think, being a dick. she asked me (that day) to send her photos of our crazy weekend and rooftop danceparty, and i finally got them up on my flickr. i posted an awesome one of her dancing as a link to the flickr set on her myspace comments. she has it set so that she has to review the comments, and apparently she didn't approve mine. this was a few days ago, and mine has not shown up, and comments made after that are up there. and not a peep from her about the photos. now i know, getting cranky about myspace etiquette is really the lamest thing ever, but on principle i feel slighted. whatever.
as much as i know it would've been a bad idea, i am kicking myself for not doing it with lawyer. at this point i have gotten so. fucking. sexually frustrated that i would seriously consider anyone willing. UGH. THIS SUCKS.
Sep 17 2007, 01:31 PM
Mouse, maybe she didn't want the general Myspace populace to have access to the picture? Even if that's the case, though, it's definitely bad etiquette to just ignore your comment and not tell you why!
Well, there may be hope after all...I was venting to a friend about the situation, and she informed me that said other gal blatantly lied about having hooked up with two other boys of our acquaintance--at the same time!--previously. So she could be full of it on this one too, as no one else can confirm their salivary exchange.
(It's not that I expect him to only have gratutious fun with me, but more that my ego would be seriously bruised if he kinda blew me off and then promptly made out with someone whose ass I am generally considered to kick in the personality, and possibly also the cute, category.
Oct 3 2007, 01:10 AM
Have all the crushes fizzled, or what? Hope y'all are doing well. I'm just popping in because I just went on a first date with a gent who I am quickly developing quite the crush on--which is surprising, because I don't often meet men I get fluttery for. And I especially don't meet them at bars! But that's where this one came from. Respectful, confident, smart, great dancer, half-black (which I'm into), a paramedic (which I'm SUPER into
), a true gentleman (score again), doesn't drink/smoke/drug (so we match there)... all around seems cool so far. Tonight he took me out to dinner (complete with roses), then we went out to meet a friend of his at a bar. He also invited me to stop by the firestation to see him tomorrow when he's on duty, which could be cool.
Oh, he happens to be 17 years older than me, but doesn't look or act it. So, I tend to forget the age difference anyway, and don't foresee it being an issue.
And he also (more importantly
) happens to be a lovely kisser!
~*~*~ good crush vibes for y'all~*~*~
Oct 4 2007, 01:18 AM
eeee octi! congrats! roses, damn! yay! exclamation points!
i might have met a boy. he might be pretty cute. he might want to see me again. we might have a gajillion things in common.
i will report more on this as it develops.
Oct 4 2007, 10:40 PM
Can't wait to hear developments, Mouse!
To answer your question, my crush has kinda sorta fizzled out. Bcrush was on a trip for awhile, then when he came back he found out the company didnt need him anymore (it was a design gig, such a fickle biz!) and so he decided to keep on traveling. He did keep me on his radar during his trip, giving me the heads up that it was extended...but hes back for good now and though he did call me, he was vague about when we would hang out. Basically, I think hes leaving it up to me, and I'm not sure if I really want to pursue it.
I have another, newer crush, but he too is not very forward. We'll call him Pcrush. I had made his acquaintance a couple of times before I had a real conversation with him, and when I did finally get to spend some time getting to know him I feel like I sorta put my foot in my mouth a couple of times..but to my surprise he apparently keeps asking about me (he works with my friend). Soooo, hopefully I can arrange it where we can hang out again. He isnt my usual type but maybe thats a good thing.
Oct 5 2007, 09:14 PM
Mouse, any news with Mr. Maybe? Sounds exciting!
GB, good luck with Pcrush. I definitely think you're on to something re: the value of dating outside of our usual "types"... with the same type, you easily end up with the same relationship, right? Anyway, hope that goes well!
Sooooo... I slept with Mr. Paramedic today. Six days after meeting him. Oops
It was good. He's not as kinky as I am/ as I would like, but he's got good technique, which goes a long way.
Of course, now that I'm getting involved with someone else, the old crush (the guy I was in here getting advice about two months ago) starts acting somewhat interested. He was over last night hanging out til 1 AM. And not doing all the closed-off body language he used to. Great timing, buddy! I came soooo close to telling him that I'm attracted to him, but ultimately decided I didn't want to complicate my life like that
AND there is yet another peripheral crush in my life, with whom I may be hanging out this weekend. Now that I'm sleeping with one crush... at what point does it become inappropriate to go on a date (even an unofficial "let's hang out" kind of thing) with someone else? I'm not used to going on dates with multiple people and would love some pointers on contemporary dating etiquette