Oct 6 2007, 05:22 PM
octi--when it rains it pours, eh?
i don't have any advice to offer you as i've never been in that situation, but i think probably as long as you feel comfortable with it and none of your paramours have had "the talk" with you, it's probably fine. enjoy!
not a peep from boy who i met wednesday. it's still early, but he seemed so interested i'm a little surprised he hasn't called yet. i'm not sure if he's just real busy, not actually interested, or trying to play it cool...if it's the latter, well, it's working--i can't stop thinking about it. hah. irony.
anyway, i will of course report if anything new happens.
Oct 7 2007, 03:52 AM
Mouse, how did you leave things with le boy? Did he say he'd call? Or was it a more general "let's be in touch" kind of thing?
Thanks for the input on dating etiquette... that was along the lines of what I was thinking, so we're probably right on
So, tonight Mr. Paramedic took me out to a Halloween/Old West Fright-night kind of thing with his friends, then met up with me for dancing with some of my pals. Tomorrow he's taking me to the opera. This man knows how to treat a lady, let me tell ya! I've been thinking that although I'm more compatible personality-wise with another one of the boys in my life, Mr. Medic certainly is more fun & easy to date. Wish I were snuggled up with him under this warm cozy blanket right now (it's our first "cold" night of the year)!
Oct 7 2007, 09:30 PM
Whew! I'm back in the game!
On Friday afternoon I got a call from a younger guy that I had hooked up with TWO MONTHS ago (see Mouse, some boys take long) and he wanted to know if I would go to a concert with him that night. I was like "huh? You took two months to call!..and wtf, kinda last minute date planning, dontcha think?" He apologized and said he had been insanely busy, but that he thought of me because he remembered that I liked the band--so I thought what the hell, I didnt have plans, I do like the band, and this kid brings out the cougar in me (he looks like Lou Pucci--grawr!) Anyway, after we get there my phone rings and its Pcrush!!! He wondered if I wanted to grab a drink with him! I told him I was out but maybe we could on Saturday.hee! making a date while on a date! I swear thats never happened to me--but before I get gloaty, what is with the last-minute calls on a friday night? Were their other choice dates busy?!? hmmm.
ANYways, the show was cool and I allowed the boy to make out with me a little, but I think hes too young for me to be a serious crush. plus it'll probably be another 2 months before he calls again :/ Sooooo, on to Saturday night, I had to go to a birthday dinner and the restaurant was walking distance from Pcrush, so I told him he should come by after the dinner for drinks. He did, and since there were other people around it wasn't exactly datelike, but the two of us ended up talking for nearly three hours! So that was a good sign that hes interested, but I was kinda bummed that his body language was very closed off. He didnt look at me all that much when we were talking, and I noticed his hands were kinda balled up. And we ended the night with just a friendly hug. Luckily I had gotten my make-out needs outta the way the night before, cuz I dont want to screw things up by coming on to strong with this one. I'm really crossing my fingers that he'll want to hang out again and get more comfortable with me. How long do you guys think it takes shy boys to make a move? Or at what point do I figure he just wants to be friends? Kinda foreign territory for me.
Oct 8 2007, 09:16 PM
*flails into thread* beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i have a date on thursday i have a date on thursday! and for once i think i actually might LIKE the guy ZOMG!11!
i was getting tired of maybe boy not calling so i figured i'd call him because i'd rather KNOW than be left hanging--i called and left a message. bad sign. i fretted about it for about an hour, when he called back and like a perfect enthusiastic still-interested gentleman asked me to accompany him to the downtown artwalk.
YAY YAY YAY someone might like me and it might not be a lawyer YAY
ok, enough about me.
greenbean! yay jailbait makeouts! as for shy pcrush.....ummm, really, what's stopping you from making the first move? i think with shyer people you just have to be more obvious. sometimes that means making the first move. it doesn't mean you automatically have to call the shots from then on in, it just means you want to jumpstart something. heh.
octi--yay for being treated like a lady! sounds like you might have a good one on your hands
*bounces out, despite hacking, nose-dripping cold and cramping, bleeding delicate area--this has automatically made my sick day so much better
Oct 8 2007, 10:41 PM
YAY, mouse!!!! I'm happy for you! Good for you about calling him up, too! And you made me laugh with the "and it might not be a lawyer" line
greenbean, i don't have much good advice for you about shy boy (because if i did, i would have taken that advice myself and might be with shy PrettyBoy right now). But mouse seems right on about just making the move. I think lots of times shy boys assume that outgoing girls like us will make the move... and assume that if we're not it means we're not interested. otherwise why the hell would we hold off, right? i don't think it crosses their minds that we would actually wait for them!
things are still good with The Gentleman. (I need to come up with an actual bust-worthy name for him.) The opera was nice, then we had a nice dinner, and nice sex, nice nice nice. Nice is good. Nice could get a little boring, but right now I really like nice. (But damn, I do wish the man were just a little less nice--eg vanilla-- in bed... he's pretty damn hot and our sex life could be smoking if it got kinked out a little... but I guess that's a topic for another thread
good vibes for the lovely mouse and charming greenbean and their hot dates !
Oct 9 2007, 09:02 PM
Yeah!!! Mouse got a date whos not a lawyer!!!
Octi, I feel ya on the "too nice" thing. I know I'm being redundant but thats a big part of what scares me off from nice guys: the vanilla sex.
Maybe you can talk him into some kink?
As for Pcrush, I did send him a myspace message that I had a good time Saturday, but he hasnt read it yet (which is kind of a good thing, hes a little to old to regulary check myspace
) The person I met him through is in New York right now, so I hope when she gets back they will talk about me and she can advise me on how he feels. Hes a tough one to crack though...when he first started asking about me she asked him "why, do you *like* her?", and he said "no", but she says that he said it with a boyish, ah-shucks-bashful smile and cast his eyes down,. Arg! Talk about mixed messages!
Oct 9 2007, 11:51 PM
*caveat: is drunk*
greenbean. first of all, let me say that now that i have met you in person, i have absolute authority to point out that you are a Hot Girl. seriously, you are the kind of girl that even hot boys are intimidated by re: hotness, so i can pretty much 99.9999998% guarantee that if you were to put the moves on Pcrush he would not say no. the way you talk makes me wonder if you have ever been the first one to make a move, and if the case is no, then goddammit, girl, what the hell are you waiting for? this boy is obviously shy about you but he's making an effort--meet him in the middle and plant a goddamn kiss on his goddamn face next time you see him. HE LIKES YOU@*$&Y*!^$
re: shy people and vanilla sex--give 'em a chance. you have no idea what they're thinking of behind their shyness. shy does not equal vanilla. it can, but it doesn't as a rule. i think mostly what it equals is (speaking as a shy person who is not vanilla), they are more nervous about what YOU want to do, and are more likely to go along with what they think you want than they are to voice their own preferences. octi, maybe try subtly taking things a little further with mr. gentleman, especially in the heat of the moment. once he's really into it, bust out with a little dirty talk or something and see how he responds. if he doesn't immediately go "whoa, hey, what are you doing!?" that is probably a good sign. keep pushin it, and let him know that you're not going to shoot him down if he introduces something a little different.
i am inordinately excited about thursday. i am also nervous because i feel like the fact that he didn't call signifies that he might not like me that much. but the fact that he responded enthusiastically means that he liked me at least a little....
i am really invested in this one at this point because he is the type of guy that i picture myself with when i picture a boyfriend. most of my past boyfriends (the ones that have broken up with me) have been the type of guy where i've been like, holy crap, how did i land such a hottie? where they are kind of out of my league and i am astonished that they even look at me. but this guy is what i would think of as the dude equivalent of myself. like on the hotness rating, we are both maybe 6.5 whereas said previously mentioned boyfriends have been like 9s. which is promising.
Oct 10 2007, 02:08 PM
mouse, you are so cute
I would love to see you drunk in person, 'cause I bet it's adorable. also, i want to say that i really appreciate hearing your shy person advice; it's priceless to have that perspective.
things did advance a little bit, in a favorable direction, with mr. gentleman last night. in the heat of the moment (just like you said!) i did break out some dirty talk and got a good response! i had busted out with a little bit of it before and didn't get much in the way of reciprocation, but last night i think he let go of inhibitions a little bit and briefly got A.) dirty and B.) bossy. Both of which I love. Afterward I tried to positively reinforce it by saying something like "wow, you were really sexy just now!" hopefully things continue in this direction... we're going to a strip club together tonight (which I've never done, at least not as a date) so we'll see if that fires things up a little, too. i'm not sure yet how i'd feel about seeing him getting a dance from some other chick-! i guess i'll find out.
mouse, you go ahead and let yourself get all excited! new crush prospects and dates are fun, and you should enjoy it for all it's worth! and yes, I definitely think that him responding enthusiastically to your date proposal is a good thing... there could be any number of reasons he didn't call you, so I wouldn't worry about that too much. so.... what's he like?? what else makes you see him as boyfriend material, besides the idea of being in the same "league"?
gb, i totally say that if the dude was asking the mutual friend about you, he LIKES you, and whatever he says to the contrary is bogus
i second mouse's advice to "plant a goddamn kiss on his goddamn face"
let us know how it goes!!!
*~*~*~ good date vibes for miss mouse in case i don't get back in here tomorrow! ~*~*~*~
p.s.- mr. gentleman and i had our first sleepover last night. quite, ah, nice!
Oct 10 2007, 07:51 PM
hehe octi! come to LA and greenbean and i'll get you trashed and we can all talk drunkenly about crushes in real life!
fantastic news about mr. gentleman (whose handle i adore, btw--makes me think of the venture brothers' doctor girlfriend). it's all about being comfortable with the person. he's opening up to you! and my my, going to a strip club as a date? who says the man isn't kinky!
i've done that with boys before and it can be fun. it can also be RILLY WEIRD, but i think you probably both have the right attitude about it. i've never watched a guy get a lapdance though--not sure about that one. but if you're both sitting at the bar staring up at some girls thighs while he surreptitiously reaches for yours, that can be pretty nice
so, i also had given maybe boy my email, and today he wrote to apologize for not being more communicative and that he had been really busy since we met, and that he is looking forward to tomorrow. GOOD SIGN GOOD SIGN yay.
re: boyfriend material, i really have no clue, it's obviously way too early to make any sort of judgement on that. i just like that he feels "in my league" because it makes me more confident. we also, so far, have a lot of things in common, so we had a ton to talk about. i haven't had a crush that was promising in like two years, so i'm getting all bubbly about it. who knows though, and i definitely don't want to get ahead of myself. anyway, i'm pretty sure tomorrow will be really fun.
GREENBEAN. ASK THAT BOY OUT.
Oct 12 2007, 01:41 AM
ohh, jebus, that was weird.
soo....first of all, i think he is much more of a nerd than i realized. hahah. he showed up wearing this horrible dark blue plaid-ish button down shirt over a perfectly fine tshirt (that he had silkscreend himself, with a silkscreening studio he set up in his bathroom--major points) and i am such a shallow bitch that i really had to work to get myself over that. we walked around the artwalk for a while and he was being awkward and i was just kind of feeling supremely uncomfortable. i liked everything he said, his observations and his descriptions of his projects and whatever else, but every time i looked over at him in his terrible shirt swinging his arms i just kind of got embarrassed and then automatically hated myself immediately.
we went to dinner and that was better (though we ran into one of my friends and her girlfriend along the way and that was kind of totally awkward). he is so much more fucking cute face on sitting down. oh i am a terrible human being and way too picky than i have any right to be. ugh. but we talked a lot, and seemed to enjoy each others company. we talked about our families and our jobs, but didn't ever broach the subject of the fact that we were on a date, which was kind of weird.
we split the bill straight down the middle, without any offers on either side to pay for the other.
then we went to a bar, and i bought him a beer, and we talked for a little longer and i thought it was going well. then it was getting late and we both have to work in the morning, so he walked me to my car and i drove him to his. he said he had a wonderful time and asked if i wanted to hang out "next week". i said yes. he went to get out of the car and i was like, don't you wanna give me a hug or something? so he gave me a hug.
weird. there was no physical contact during the date and the conversation never really turned flirty. i think he likes me--he wouldn't want to keep hanging out if he didn't right?--but i think he is also probably shy about girls. which is a little annoying. i like my boys like octi likes her boys--dirty and bossy--and i'm not sure he'll be able to step up to the plate. i can push things only so far, he's gotta pick up my slack at some point. but i'll hang out with him again, and see how it goes. maybe in a more intimate setting? bleh.
i guess i am feeling both disappointed and hopeful.
/end long post about self
Oct 12 2007, 08:06 PM
I've been following this thread and I love you ladies! I'm finally just sort of getting back into the dating game with the guy that I mentioned in Frustrated Singles.
mouse, nerdy to me usually equals cute but I would probably find it weird if there was little to no physical contact on a date.
octi, I hope your strip club date goes well. Tell us all about it!
greenbean, from what you've said it sounds like he really likes you! Go for it!
Oct 13 2007, 11:02 AM
Welcome candycane girl!
octi, I'm glad you got mr. gentleman to break out the sexy stuff! I'm jealous!
Ahh Mouse, looks like you got yerself a shy boy too! See how frustrating it can be? Things should probably get easier next time you see him.
As for me making the first move, er, I'm actually NOTORIOUS for kiss-attacking boys. And while none of them have tried to stop me, it doesn't mean they really *like* me. Thats the tough part. I mean, I admit that if I go to a bar, determined that I'm going to find someone to make-out with or take home, then I can and will. BUT, when I want to find a *relationship*, guys can smell that on me, and no matter how attracted they are to me, if they dont want a girlfriend they arent gonna bite. Perhaps thats whats going on with Pcrush, as he HAS read my myspace message by now and hasnt responded...and I'm not going to ask a boy out if he cant shoot an easy, "thanks, I had a good time too" to me. It *did* seem like he liked me, but he's not being consistent, and i don't want to press it.
Besides, I'm still not over BritBoy. He emailed me yesterday after being m.i.a all month, and he is stringing me along again and its pissing me off!!!! My head knows what he's doing: he's not in love with me so he cant handle one of us moving for the other, yet he likes drama and the ego-boost of the girl across the world who is crazy about him,..so he does the bare minimum to keep in contact and keep me crushing. I KNOW this, yet I can't freakin tell him to FUCK OFF!! Uggg!
I think I'm going to go to my parents house and hug my cat.
Oct 14 2007, 04:52 PM
What is up with guys like Britboy? I've never been in that situation but I have a friend who broke up with her bf a while back and just when she's getting over him he calls and says "I miss you"! Ugh, that would drive me crazy!
Does anyone else find it really difficult not to call a guy that you really like? I called the boy that I've seen twice now waaaaay to many times last week. But he never returned my calls! So then I kept calling. Ugh, it just made me look pathetic and desperate. Anyway, eventually I sent him an email and that's how we set up our second date. But he even said in the email something along the lines of "you really don't need to call me that much". I'm still embarrassed at how I acted, it was like I was 13 again.
Anyway, we had our second "date" (if you can call it that) on Thursday. I've been dying to call him or even send him an email but I keep telling myself to be strong and give it some time.
Oct 15 2007, 04:10 AM
went out for friend's bday tonight. other friends' band played. noticed boy in said band SUPER CUTE (apparently all of a sudden i have a thing for blonde dudes with moustaches....OKAY......??). against better judgement (am getting over cold that seems to be now comign back) went over to OTHER friends' house for afterparty, where said dude was going to be, even though he is basically out of my league. OF COURSE did not talk to him atall, except for one sentence. where i failed at grasping an opportunity to introduce myself.
i am beginning to think that i just should never have crushes. nothing ever comes of them. the only things that ever work out for me are the things that i feel totally halfassed about, or worse yet, uncomfortable about. so bascially i am doomed to be single and celibate (albeit with a ton of friends, which is really nice, but man, a girl needs some attention every once in a while FOR CHRISSAKES) for the rest. of. my. life.
seriously, why do my friends all think i'm awesome, whereas hetero boys I THINK ARE CUTE never look twice at me? am i fooling myself? am i really less awesome than my friends lead me to believe, and in which case, why would they lie? but if they aren't lying, why the HELL don't the boys see it???
i give up.
Oct 15 2007, 08:53 AM
mouse, I feel the same way as you. I have friends who say that they love being around me and I've had a good number of gay guys tell me that I'm gorgeous and beautiful so what the hell is up with the hetero guys?
The blonde dudes with mustaches thing is kind of funny though. That's one of the few looks that I truly hate. I just think blonde guys shouldn't attempt facial hair. At all.
Oct 15 2007, 05:04 PM
Old men always hit on me. I scare younger ones with being either too intense or something. Or they want too much. Arrrgh. I miss you guys but have no crushes except the one person who seems to be ignoring me at present. My next photo shoot is on Orion Ave. I'm going to cry.
Oct 15 2007, 07:36 PM
candycane girl, i don't mean like towhead blonde, i mean blondISH, as in, not-brown. can i prove you wrong?
for some reason, this is my *exact* type right now. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHJAAHDWFQHHQWF
and i don't even find ryan gosling especially attractive in any other incarnation, but i saw the trailers for this movie and was like GUH. this is also what boy in band looks like, and what maybe boy looks like if you add a scruffy neckbeard and ten pounds or so.
o'muse, what's going on? (((ophelia)))
Oct 15 2007, 10:26 PM
Mouse, O and I broke up because 1) I was pmsing and feeling very. very. lonely and depressed at the time, and I thought he just stopped caring. It was an attempt on my part to get him to fight for me, which was very ill-thought out. 2) we both had some major life issues that were intersecting and we were coming to a resting point. And I was posting last night in a fit of anguish.
I just regret acting impulsively and now it's too late.
Oct 15 2007, 11:55 PM
Ahhh, mouse, I see what you mean now. I thought you were referring to a blonde like Spencer from The Hills.
I couldn't find a picture of him with facial hair but if you've seen the show you know how horrid it looks.
Ryan Gosling is a hottie but I'm still not into the stache. what movie is that image from?
I am trying incredibly hard not to call the guy I've been out with twice. Actually that's a lie, we haven't been "out". Instead it's just been me going over to his place and us fooling around a little. Anyway, I chased after him way too much last week and I felt like I came off looking like a stalker. So this week I'm just giving it a rest, if he wants to see me the he can call/email/whatever!
Oct 16 2007, 01:51 AM
((((ophelia)))) i'm so sorry to hear that. i hope it all works out for the best. from what you've posted in the past it sounded like you guys had a really strong relationship; maybe you'll still be able to talk about it. "too late" isn't always necessarily true. of course i don't know the situation, but i do wish you the best of luck
candy--EWWW!!!!! i've never even seen that damn show but that is one unattractive young man. i have to say, i really don't find ryan gosling sans nerdy 'stache attractive, but for some reason that "look" really gets me right now. hahaha. the movie is "lars and the real girl" which actually looks really good. he plays this utterly socially paranoid guy who suffers from a delusion where he believes that the "real doll" he ordered from the internet is a real girl, and his family and town deal with it by pretending that she is real as well. i want to see it--and not JUST for the blonde 'stache action
so, i guess maybe boy is supposed to call me at some point this week for us to hang out. i kind of have a feeling he won't and i'll have to end up calling him again, if only because he borrowed a book from me (it was in my car when i dropped him off and he thought it was interesting) and i want it back. meh. part of me hopes something happens with that; part of me doesn't. so i guess i am fine either way.
re: calling boys too much...i think that it's a balance. if you called so much that he mentioned it, it's probably a good idea to lay off and let him make the next move, just so you don't come across as obsessed. if you don't hear from him for a week or so maybe shoot a coy text his way, but hang back for a little. it is such a fuckin delicate balancing act tho! good luck!!!
Oct 16 2007, 08:16 AM
mouse, I've heard about that movie! I just didn't realize that's how he looks in it.
Also, I am completely addicted to The Hills. I can't stand Spencer, not only is he an ass but he's sooooo ugly. Heidi is a pretty girl and I just don't get how she was ever attracted to him in the first place.
ophelia, sorry about the way things went for you. I think anyone can sometimes act impulsively and say things they end up regretting. I've done it so many times that my mom says I have an "acid tongue"! But maybe enough time will pass and you can try talking to him. I don't know, I'm not so great at relationships but I'm sure something will work itself out.
As for the calling, I'm still staying strong. I haven't even emailed him! It's actually been somewhat easy to just get him out of my head and think of other things. It's kind of funny because I discussed my obsessive calling with my mom and she started giving me all sorts of dating advice (mainly, don't call!). I think I always felt that acting like this was silly and that I would be playing games but I'm starting to think it's just how it is. If he wants to call he'll call, if not then he won't. Whatevs!
Oct 16 2007, 08:16 PM
I love Ryan Gosling. I think what makes him so cute is he seems so cool. My housemate spotted him the other day at a restaurant and I was so mad I wasnt there.
((Opelia))! I'm sorry! Maybe things will work out. We're all rootin' for you!
Candycane, I hate those games we have to play. Like, we have to be coy but not too coy,..and we can't be TOO interested. I hate it.
I really can't believe Pcrush turned out to be such an ass. I mean how hard is it type up a short response to an email?? I don't get it, I thought I was doing everything right. Whatever, he wasn't my type anyway. The Youngin' however, did message me saying he enjoyed my company that night we saw a show, and like to go to another show with me sometime, but doesnt know of anything right now. I messaged that I know a good band thats playing on friday, and I'd buy us tickets if he was interested....and he hasnt gotten back to me yet. I swear if he doesn't say yes, I'm with you Mouse and totally giving up. I think I'll start spending my weekends voluteering at the animal shelter or something.
Oct 16 2007, 10:25 PM
Ugh, I've suddenly started feeling really down and lonely today and it has taken major restraint not to call the crush boy.
I mean, we had our date last Thursday and I feel like it's taking him forever to call me. I went back on OK Cupid today and it was difficult just seeing his picture there under my matches. Ugh, why do I fall so hard?
gb, I am soooo not used to this whole game thing! I mean, after calling him so much last week and then not calling him at all this week am I gonna look like i'm...I dunno, bipolar or something?
Oct 17 2007, 01:45 AM
but ryan gosling isn't cute (to me) unless he has the nerdy moustache!!! *stamps foot* like not even the beard. JUST the moustache. uh huh.
greenbean, if YOU are giving up, then i am fucking DOOOOOOOMED. thrthly. animal shelter sounds good.
candy, just hang out for a while. maybe boy hasn't contacted me since friday (and that was only to answer texts i sent him). but then again, i'm not that hung up on him. i think games are totally lame, i fully agree on that point, but i think that there is also an art to balancing how you feel and what is appropriate for you to show at an early point in the relatiowhateveritis. i don't think it's a game, you're not trying to manipulate him into anything. i know myself when i fall for a guy inside my head it is CRAZY, like WELCOME TO CHANNEL BOY ALL THE TIME SPECIAL FEATURE!!!! TODAY: SPECIAL GUEST BOY! MUSICAL GUEST: BOY! AND NOW, HERE IS YOUR HOST....BBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOYYYY!!! but even though i would want someone i liked to be feeling that about me, if they acted on it i would get furrrrreaked out superfast. there's definitely a lot of adrenaline and excitement going on with new crushes, but it's also the point where you're most delicately navigating the interaction of two super new to each other people, and anything extreme can upset things. it's ridiculous and ironic, but it is what it is. regardless, i hope he calls you soon!
Oct 17 2007, 07:55 AM
lol, mouse, I think you just articulated exactly what I was feeling after my first date with the boy! But I do feel like I'm trying to manipulate him into calling me. If that's even manipulation. Ugh, it's just so weird. I realized that for the last 3 years I've had nothing but casual sex and now that I want to get into a relationship I feel really vulnerable.
gb, I can totally relate on the email thing. There's this guy I went to see in New York, Jefferson (I've written about him a bit in my blog) and I sent him a few emails and no response. Nothing. If it was anyone else I might think they're just busy but it bugs me when I see that he has the time to update his blog a few times a day but not answer a freakin email!
Oct 17 2007, 04:55 PM
hi ladies!! sorry to have gone AWOL, i was out of town without net access. busy busy in this thread this week! though i'm sad to see it's a not-so-good type of busy. i'd much rather see tons of posts about awesome boys who have enough sense in their heads to get with all the fabulous bustie girls!
mouse- it's a pity that maybe boy is... well, only *maybe* boy. too bad he wasn't more what you were looking for... ah well, it's good dating experience/practice, right? any more news there since you last posted? BTW- i love reading your posts, girl! you really hit the nail on the head a lot of times describing dating dynamics
oh, and- regarding your question on why hetero boys don't see your coolness the way your girlfriends do- i think the only explanation is that hetero boys are usually dumb
candy, oh lord, i TOTALLY hear you about how hard it can be to not call a crush. totally. actually, for me (dork alert) it's about text messaging instead of calls, because i'm not much of a phone person. but yeah, when the person is on my mind, it's damn tough to not obsessively get in touch with him! (haha, one way i've coped with the current crush is that since we text back and forth a lot, i usually have older messages from him in my inbox and i can re-read those instead of sending him new ones. god, what a nerd!
) anyway, i don't see you as being manipulative! i just think that you refraining from calling this week shows that you got the message, that you know the ball is in his court right now. BTW- i'm envious that you can get sound dating advice from your mom, that's awesome. my mom's advice is mostly just good for a.) comedic value or b.) knowing what NOT to do!
in what way exactly are you feeling vulnerable, candy? i'm feeling a little bit skittish myself as i move toward what could be a relationship with mr. gentleman... (see below)
(((((omuse)))))) that's really rough. i'm sorry to hear about your break up. is it still irrevocably over? or has anything shifted? take care of yourself, hon.
GB, i like your "animal shelters are cooler than stupid boys" idea
actually, as i get more dating experience, i find that most dates i have are inferior to an evening spent with a great book. i used to think i was missing out on so much! but so much of it is a waste. anyway- so did youngun come to his senses and accept the invite, or what?
as for me... things are cool with mr. gentleman. really cool. i had been out of town for 6 days, during which time we texted a ton and sent dirty pictures to each other
he also scored major points because he was supportive when i was getting all upset about some medical problems that flared during on my trip-- he kicked into his paramedic mode and was being all caring/protective of me over the phone. (and then after we got off the phone, i got a really sweet text message: "we have so much potential, baby. i WANT to be here for you. besos.") anyway, last night i went over to his house when i got back into town, so we could have a sleepover... and we had unprotected sex for the first time (we'd talked about STDs, I'm on the pill, all's well there). and then, shit, this morning we were lying in bed together before he had to get up to go to work, and i found myself having this conversation:
ME: "it would be damn easy to fall in love with you."
HIM: "that's what i was thinking the whole time you were away."
what the fuck is happening??
Oct 17 2007, 07:13 PM
aw, octi, that sounds so great! I'm the type of person who loves looking over old text messages. Unfortunately, the only message I have from this guy is "I have vodka, do you want to bring 7UP?" So...yeah.
I really, really, really want to call him! I hate that the ball is in his court because the fact that he has not called now makes me feel like he's not interested.
God, this whole dating thing is bringing down my self esteem!
Anyway, by feeling vulnerable I just mean that my emotions are now at risk. When I was just having sex with fuck buddies it was so easy. We both knew it was just physical and didn't get attached or anything. But now that I want a relationship that means that I have to involve my *gasp* feelings! I'm just not used to it.
Oct 17 2007, 08:16 PM
aw, chin up, candy! don't waste your self-esteem on a boy who doesn't even have the manners to call you back. maybe it would be good to ah, put a few more irons in a few more fires, you know what i mean? you met him online, right? i imagine you had other matches/ interests there?
p.s.- you asked about the strip club date-- i don't want to go into detail 'cause i described it in another thread (the "okayers" thread). basically, it was pretty interesting, pretty hot... and cut short b/c mr. gentleman had a panic attack (unrelated to the strippers!
) we're gonna re-do it sometime soon!
Oct 17 2007, 09:39 PM
ugh, I fucking caved and called him. No answer, as always. I don't even know why I called since he never answers his phone but he responds to email.
There have only been a few other people in my list of matches that seemed interesting. And it seems like most of the ones that I message don't end up messaging me back. Ugh, I fucking give up. He was so cute too! Tall with dark hair. And we have a lot in common! It's not fair!
Oct 17 2007, 11:10 PM
candy...i hate to say it, but dude kind of is starting to sound like a douche. unless he's really busy and has a good excuse, he's coming across like an asshole.
fingers crossed you find a boy who recognizes your brilliance superfast.
OCTI! what exciting developments! keep us posted even if you migrate into the "general relationships" thread...*nudge nudge* yay!
i texted maybe boy a little "poke poke..what's up yo, i'm still here you know" text (not in so many words of course, but yknow) and he hasn't responded. he's fuckin hard to read. i can't tell if he's disinterested or just terrified. if it's the former, well, that's fine i don't really care, but at least have the freakin' decency to tell me...also i want my book back harrumph. if it's the latter, freaking get a hold of yourself, pussy. if i'm texting you, it means i'm at least marginally interested, and that's your cue to pick up the slack. if you can't respond to THAT, then you're probably too scared of a boy that i would want to date anyway. HARRUMPH, twice. I FUCKING HATE DATING. i went out to lunch with my coworker today who is getting ready to move in with his gf of a year or so (i only met her once but she seems real sweet, i approve--she is a biologist, and i am always in support of female scientists!) and i was complaining about dating and he was like "yeah i am SO GLAD i don't have to do that anymore". i wanted to PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE.
p.s. octi, the fact that you like to read my posts made me all glowy and warmed the bitter, frigid cockles of my heart but GODDAMN, if i have relatable advice about dating, then WHY THE FUCK am i doing it SO WRONG?
HARRUMPH A MILLION TIMES
Oct 18 2007, 12:39 AM
candy, i have to second what mouse said-- this bro is starting to seem LAME.
mouse, what's up with boys that can't even return a frickin' text message-?? again, LAME. hm... i doubt that you're doing dating "wrong"-- and not that i am any sort of useful source on the stuff-- but i know it sometimes helps me to step back and look for patterns. 'cause usually they show me why i keep getting similar results, ya know? are there certain identifiable patterns in your dating life? like, certain tendencies the boys have, or certain interactions/issues that pop up? for me, for instance, i find that men i get involved with are often an "overcorrection" from the last guy... like maybe guy X1 is smart but boring, and then guy X2 is not so smart but exciting, and then guy X3 is smart but boring... ?
oh! BTW, mouse, i know a really awesome (single!) guy who's moving to LA in 2 months!!!! hm.... !
Oct 18 2007, 01:28 AM
SWEET, octi! greenbean and i can fight over him!
ETA: forgot to mention semiflirting with workcrush (ya, remember him?) today eeeeeeee......i swear to god if i ever run into him in a non-work situation i am utterly throwing myself at him. i don't even care. "oh, hi, ___, what a surprise running into you here! now, how about you take me home and [CENSORED]"
oh ALSO---i don't even know if i wanna post this here because it is SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS, but i just learned that the girl i was crushing on (i say was because, like every other crush i have, nothing will ever come of it since i am a pussy and nobody apparently likes me enough to have the balls to do anything about it, because i'm certainly not, but i digress) actually was on an episode or two of a new horrible, unmentionable television uhhhhhhhhhh....dating show. HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAKILLME
Oct 18 2007, 05:50 AM
hi all... octi - how the hell do I fix a pattern of every guy I meet is really great and together and single etc and then they just back out?
eh, whatever. I'm over it. Sick of looking. Just gonna go out drinking with my friends. It's more fun anyway!
in other news, I just got a new job which I will need to relocate for in January. Ready for this? Right next to the city that SB lives in. Never in a million years did I forsee that happening. That should be interesting. (granted, he might be gone, last time I spoke with him he was looking at moving to another city for a job offer he'd had)
Sometimes I feel like I'm living inside an episode of sex and the city.
Oct 18 2007, 08:01 AM
zoya, I don't know much about your dating history, who's SB? Either way, good luck with the move!
I don't know what to think about this boy anymore. I mentioned that when we first talked on IM we just talked and talked for like, two hours. That was a Friday. Then we talked briefly on a Sunday. I called a few times later that week and there was no answer so that was when I gave up. And then, lo and behold, he called me a week later to set up a date!
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that right from the beginning I got used to him not answering his phone and taking a long time to respond to things.
Anyway, after thinking to myself "Why did I call, he usually just responds to email" I ended up emailing him! Ugh, pathetic, I know. That was around midnight last night and so far no response. The thing is though, I know that he works all day so who knows if he has internet access from there and if he's anything like me he never checks his email before going out for the day.
But yeah, if he doesn't respond to this email then I'm done. It just sucks that most of the cuties I message on OK Cupid don't respond! Is there something horribly wrong with me that I'm not seeing?!
mouse, there is one guy in my life who sees my "brilliance". Unfortunately he lives in California. The upside is that next week he is coming to visit and I can't wait to see him. We care about each other a lot and I can't wait to just fall asleep in his arms (among other things).
Oct 18 2007, 05:49 PM
Well, it's over, we broke it off over msn. Next, please!
Oct 18 2007, 09:57 PM
Well its thursday and the Youngun has not responded to my invite for tomorrow. I officially got no game. What happened to guys wanting to get laid? This dude has already made-out with me so I know hes not repulsed by me..yet we havent gotten nekkid so he still has something to chase...but apparently he's 'meh'. And whats with these guys just flat out ignoring us?!?! What did their mothers teach them!? (ok, I know its terribly unfeminist to blame moms for dumb boy behavior, but sometimes I wonder.
anyway, I'm doing the animal shelter for real,..talked to someone today..
Oct 19 2007, 01:53 AM
stupid boys that don't know a good thing when they see it. i'm glad y'all are moving on!
GB, i hear what you're saying about "what happened to guys wanting to get laid?" i've wondered that myself, many times! in fact, i wondered it tonight...
the evening with mr. gentleman was a bit of a bust. we went to a matinee movie which was cool, and then grabbed something to eat... but then instead of heading home for a nice shag (which i was waaaay in the mood for) we went to this bar to meet up with his pal first. there's nothing inherently wrong with that-- in fact, i like knowing my fellows' friends. but the next several hours basically consisted of mr gentleman and his buddy talking about movies i hadn't seen and people i didn't know... and his buddy saying offensive stuff, like about how bums are worthless (i'm applying to be a social worker with homeless folks!!). finally we leave, go to mr gentleman's place, and he puts on the tv-- some violent show (which i ask him to change), then some really offensive comedian (which i also eventually ask him to change)... and then finally he turns off the TV and by this point is so tired that he falls asleep almost immediately. and i went home, totally un-laid. (and then, on my way home, he texts me saying basically that i could have had it if i'd initiated and been on top, etc.). so, poop on all that. sometimes i wonder... we sure do like each other, but we sure don't have a million interests in common... i'm confused about why exactly i'm so fond of this one, and vice versa!
thanks for listening to all that
GB, i think it's very cool that you're actually doing the animal shelter idea!
and mouse, i like your line for workcrush
i'd fall for it!
zoya, good luck with the move/ SB! ! that could be intense!
Oct 19 2007, 06:19 PM
posting from work (DANGER DANGER!) because i am like the only one left here. ugh friday.
OKAY SO--after a couple friendly, noncommital yet utterly unreplied texts to maybe boy, i get an email telling me about how #1: he is just out of a rough 5 year relationship and #2: his ex lives in my neighborhood, therefore it will not work out. CHRIST. like candy says (hey i love that song): NEXT PLEASE!
seriously, is mercury in retrograde or something? why is everyone sucking? and not in the fun way?????
ETA: i would like to also point out that i've dated way too many boys with serious ex-girlfriend problems...christ on a crutch, bitches, STOP RUINING BOYS FOR THE REST OF US!!!!! and boys: get a fucking backbone, and get over it like the rest of us!
Oct 19 2007, 07:48 PM
oh god mouse, that sucks sucks sucks. what is up with the ex-girlfriend issues? i second what you say-- can we all just be respectful and mature and not ruin boys for everybody else? damn, that sounds frustrating!
at least you didn't like him much anyway.
better luck next time, i suppose.
Oct 20 2007, 11:11 PM
why is everyone sucking? and not in the fun way?????
Mouse, I just had to mention that that really gave me a laugh!
Also, why is it that even though I felt lukewarm about the guy, his image still sticks in my mind?! I hate that he was the perfect specimen physically because now I just can't get his face out of my head!
Oct 21 2007, 06:59 AM
Actually. mercury is in retrograde
Which, truthfully, probably explains how I managed to meet a boy that I really like. And he kisses well, too.
Oct 21 2007, 09:03 AM
um, kitten, you can't come in here with news like that and NOT share!! tell us about the dude. and yeah for you!!
Oct 21 2007, 01:21 PM
HA, i knew it!!! now SERIOUSLY, kitten, SPILL!!!
Oct 21 2007, 04:15 PM
so, last night mr. gentleman asked me to be his girlfriend.
i (really nicely) said no. not yet. he's awesome and i'm very fond of him, but not ready for commitment now. does that mean i get to keep hanging out in this thread instead of the "relationship" one?
...on second thought, even if i don't qualify for the crush thread on account of mr. gentleman, i sure as hell qualify for it on account of the really, really cute girl he got to dance for me at the strip club last night. after she gave me the dance, she stayed there sitting on my lap for 15 minutes, chatting with me about books and psychology!
then she gave me her email address... not sure what to do with that... in other circumstances i'd totally get in touch, but i feel like it's a bit inappropriate given my involvement with mr. gentleman. but then again, isn't that the difference between just dating and being someone's actual girlfriend? that when you're just dating, you're still allowed to flirt with other people? i am clueless about these things.
Oct 23 2007, 01:12 PM
Oct 25 2007, 10:49 PM
man, i am just getting worse and worse at this. ran into cute band boy with mutual friends last night, sat down next to me twice and i couldn't even look at him. my god. then he went outside and smoked a cigarette with a cuter girl. i suck.
possibility of getting to hang out with work crush this weekend. also probability of hangout with new girl crush. however, considering that apparently i am now TERRIFIED of anyone i'm attracted to, most likely it will be wretched.
Oct 25 2007, 11:10 PM
aw, mouse, hang in there, don't give up!
it's awesome that you have two potential crush-ins this weekend, and i wish you luck with them! ooh, who's "new girl crush"???
do you find you're also shy around someone who you *know* is attracted to you, or even whom you're dating already? because i'm thinking if the answer is "no", maybe you could just assume these folks totally dig you (or you could even pretend you're an item), and act accordingly
not much news on the "crush" front here, per se... mr gentleman told me he's falling in love with me, though, so that's some kinda news! (i think it's great, but still too soon.) we seem to be becoming boyfriend/girlfriend by default, almost... for instance, yesterday i ran into an old crush (let's call the boy ArtCrush), chatted a little bit, and we talked about me coming to his studio to check out his work in the coming evenings. well, that's all well and good-- i sincerely want to see this person's art, first of all... and second of all, he's really cute... but even without an official "commitment" with mr gentleman i still feel like it would be inappropriate to even flirt with or kiss ArtCrush if we hang out.
i think i'm super sexually charged right now or something, because it seems like everywhere i go it's really easy to spot a man i'm very attracted to. luckily the new job i'm starting is in social work, so it'll be almost all women!! (although on second thought, since i'm apparently VERY into women lately too...uh oh!)
good luck mouse! go get 'em!
Oct 26 2007, 12:24 AM
mouse, don't worry about it, just act natural!
omg, ok, that was probably lame advice but it's nearly 3am and I am all fidgety and weird from my stupid anti-depressants.
I don't have much to report except that I was on OK cupid tonight for only 5 minutes and suddenly 3 different guys were messaging me! So yeah, that was kind of awesome.
Oct 26 2007, 01:18 AM
ooh, candycane, work that!!
Oct 26 2007, 09:47 AM
Whoo, 700th post!
Okay, now that I've got that out of the way, I will definitely try to work it octi! There were two that seemed really cool, the other one was kind of boring.