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_octinoxate
QUOTE(adnarim @ Dec 5 2007, 03:05 PM) *
The tension that comes from having a crush (does he/she like me, do they know I like them and think I'm a weirdo, am I wasting my time??) is actually kind of fun and exciting,


i'm trying really hard to see it this way, because right now it's just kinda stressing me! can i get some opinions here, ladies? with almost all my past dating experiences (with men), i've felt pretty at ease-- not self-conscious, not feeling the need to impress. honestly, i've tended to date whatever man came along at the right time, and they were always very much... "in my league", or whatever. but this girlcrush i've been going out with? well, i've been picky about finding a woman to date, and now i have the sneaking suspicion that she's "out of my league"-- i mean, she's so smart, funny, attractive, personable, and, well... sorted out. she has a professional job and tons of money and a sweet condo, etc. etc. by any standards, she's a catch. and for whatever reason (a bout of low self-esteem?) i'm having doubts that i'm gonna end up "measuring up". i guess i'm wondering if I'M the popcorn for once, and i really, really don't like that. (not that she's given me any indication i'm popcorn. actually, she seems to like me quite a bit. still, i'm putting this pressure and insecurity on myself.)

the result of all this is that i end up feeling self-conscious and like i need to make a great impression every time we go out. and that tends to make me nervous, not myself, and therefore not as cool/charming as i actually could be. nor do i have as good a time as i could! so... damn. what does one do with that? zoya, ophelia, how are you dealing with the feeling that you're the popcorn? catlady, any plans to get back into behavior becoming of a professional woman? wink.gif

sorry about the self-absorbed post! i look forward to any input anyone has about, ah, wondering if you're the popcorn.

*~*~*~*~good crush luck to all y'all~*~*~*~*
opheliathemuse
hey everyone

CCL: popcorn! Let's make some. I wish I could go for some right now, really I do. Just kind of not really wanting even the wallpaper atm.

Octi, seriously? You have always impressed me with your insight and intelligence. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have kissed you. Just don't let other people's opinion's get to you. Material goods don't matter in relationships. I know I am totally a hypocrite for saying this because that is why I get intimidated by men sometimes. I'm oftentimes the "lesser" monetarily, but it doesn't mean I'm worth less as a person. It's just money. I'd rather be happy than have money. She probably would too. Again, that is the western privilege talking, but you know what I mean.

Possibly being popcorn? I don't mind it say, at work or school. Those are appropriate places for popcorn. But when I am seriously looking I am not interested in being used for entertainment. As soon as I get that feeling I start losing interest...I am always completely honest and appreciate the same back. The mind fuck works on me only when I am not really paying attention; I just don't really get it. I admit I love the thrill of the chase, whichever way, but there is a right way and a wrong way to doing things...have to say I am not used to it. maybe it's cosmic retribution.
I don't know, I just accord people the amount of respect and dignity with which I want to be treated. I wish that they would do the same?
I don't know as I am being treated with disrespect at the present time.

Again, it all comes down to not being motivated by others' opinions...
adnarim
I was talking to a friend of mine last night, who also happens to be good friends with crush, and he said that before I do anything about crush I need to decide what my expectations are. Do I want him to just be "popcorn" or am I looking for something more? (He didn't use the term "popcorn" - that would have been crazy!) So, now I'm baffled. Do you really think it's a good idea to start out having expectations like that? In a way, I can see his point. But, in another way, I think maybe the best thing to do is see how things go. I mentioned that I have no idea if crush is even interested in me at all and friend said that he definitely would be because I'm attractive and smart and funny. Which of course made me roll my eyes.

I guess when I said that the tension of having a crush if fun, I meant that it is really only fun if it goes away after a certain point. If you continue to feel shy/anxious/insecure once a relationship has started, that is no fun. Maybe, octinoxate, you are just feeling this way because you have never had a relationship with a woman before? I mean, guys can be hard to figure out, but women are more complex IMO. I don't know though, I have never had a relationship with a woman.
opheliathemuse
Imo, you have to decide whether you'd like to simply just sleep with your crush or be in a relationship with him. That is the main difference. Choose a goal and go with it. I referred to Sonic, who was specifically chosen by me as popcorn just to lust after idly. I didn't want anything more than that and neither did he. Ultimately, when I actually tasted it that was more than enough for me and I moved on the next day.
Also, just try to remember you really are smart, attractive, and funny. Don't let your emotions poke holes in your self-esteem when someone you are attracted to is around. Executive cock...


((((extra vibes for octi))))


Right now I am writing a very long paper and must hie my way back to that.

octi--thanks for the remind no expectations=more fun...I tend to get too uptight if I don't know the outcome of a situation. Living with the moment is one of the hardest and best things to do.
_octinoxate
ophelia, thanks for the input-- and for the compliment! that makes me feel good. you know, the money issue is funny, because i would never *dream* of including that on a list of reasons to feel insecure if i were dating a man. i guess that seeing a woman, i feel more of a desire (and maybe some expectation?) to take her out to dinner, buy her flowers, treat her nice, you know the routine smile.gif but ultimately, you're right: it's just money. it doesn't matter and it's (clearly!) not on her list of priorities for a dating partner. (if it were, i wouldn't have made it this far!) it's kinda funny: i've been in this situation before, but in *her* role-- i've dated a couple guys who were always wondering if they were good enough for me or if just lucked into it. and i thought they were wonderful--apart from the damn insecurity. i'm trying to remember how attractive confidence is, and just relax.

adnarim, i think you're right in guessing that i'm feeling like this because going out with a woman is foreign to me. i AM indeed finding it extremely complex. i'd like to get into some of that stuff, but i don't think the crush thread is the place for it-- but the "boys? girls? both?" thread is usually pretty dead. hmm... ?

adnarim, your question about expectations is a good one, and i'm looking forward to hearing other peoples' input on it. personally, i never go into things with expectations. i mean, how the hell do i know how i'll hit it off with any given person, and what they might inspire me to want (or not want)? people change their minds all the time. to me, no expectations= more possibilities and less disappointment. still, things can mucked up without expectations, too. one danger is that you end up dating someone who turns out having totally different desires than you and one person ends up really hurt. (i'm dealing with the aftermath of a situation like that right now... not fun.) but i dunno, i think you run that risk of hurt anytime you get involved, period. anyway, one vote for making a move on your crush and seeing how things go! (and reporting back to us!)

adnarim
Well, I had an interesting night....Went out to see crush's band play again, got so so drunk, mentioned to crush that he was the only guy there not hitting on me (which is true, actually, almost) and he told me that's because he is happy being single and does not want a girl in his life. I felt like I had been slapped. Shot down before I even said anything. So I proceeded to act like an idiot and cuddle/hold hands/chastely (sort of) kiss the band mate that has a crush on me, while glaring at him across the room. Yeah....But then at the end of the night we all (about 6 of us) went back to his place to unload band equipment and as I am standing in the hallway, spacing out in a drunken stupor crush walks over to me grabs me and kisses me (like a really gooood kiss). I pulled away and he just pulled me back and did it again. I asked what he was doing and he said we needed to go somewhere we could talk alone. So we went outside, where he told me that he really likes me and can tell I like him and thinks it's great but really doesn't think he is in any shape for a relationship (he has a lot of personal drama...a lot) but wants to know what I want and doesn't want to hurt me and wants to upfront about everything. So I told him I was fine not having a relationship because my life is pretty insane anyway and we could just be friends who fool around occasionally. At that point everyone else came outside so I went in the house to use the bathroom and as I was coming out he pushed me back in and we made out for about ten minutes. Then I slept over and broke my two year (yup, you read that right) hiatus. But today I feel horrible. Partly hung over, partly guilty because of the band mate, partly because "friends with benefits" never seems to work. It was interesting though.....
opheliathemuse
Adnarim....good that you got the outcome, kind of....I would suggest that you tell bandmate (sounds like you already know you should) what is up.
As for friends with benefits, weeeellll.....if you feel like you can do it with him, then why not? No sense in worrying about the future already. =)

Been pondering my next step. Hmm.
mouse
adnarim! aw! that is hot. but yeah--you guys need to talk. whenever anyone says they aren't ready for a relationship, you take them at their goddamn word hahahaha. but like o says, if you think you can do a FWB sitch, what's to lose? if you're already emotionally invested though--sucks, but it might not be a good idea. either way, good luck!

i have discovered that wcrush is officially batshit crazy...i'm not going to say how because i feel like i've already divulged way too many specifics on him here and am getting a lil nervous, but suffice to say he is 1000% more absolutely ridiculous than i even realized. above and beyond, people. the worst part? it only makes me like him that much more. ugh. what is wrong with me!

then again--i do tend to fall for ridiculous boys. my second-to-last ex was wearing a gold lame raincoat and plaid shorts when we met, and that is why i loved him.

as for gcrush--i am going to get real drunk and party at her place tonight. regardless, nothing ever happens, so whatevs. i'll get trashed and dance and cry.
opheliathemuse
mouse, that was the best mental image...lame+plaid????
you make me want to party w/ you, my life is so English-rose tame right now.


I am very non-excitedly avoiding thesis, eating popcorn, and have wasted time composing something encapsulating said restlessness and wantings; I did send to proposed chocolate, but then I am eating popcorn at present.


adnarim
Band mate and I and my 2 year old (yes, I have a kid) went to the park yesterday for a picnic. He is not mad at me. He does think I made a stupid choice. I'm starting to wonder if I agree. I don't know. We had so much fun at the park. He was playing with my daughter. I don't know. They have another show tonight. I'm wondering if I should even go. (Though you know I will...)

Wait, you are literally eating popcorn?? I think I need to literally eat some chocolate....yum.
candycane_girl
adnarim, I'm glad things went better at the park. Do you know what you're going to do with him? Friends? Just FWB? I hope you figure it out.

mouse, sometimes I think crazy people just make life more fun.

I had a greaaat date with cute blondie musician. He came over and he was hungry so I gave him some enchiladas which he enjoyed. Also, the second he got into my place he kissed me. After the enchiladas we kissed more, ended up in my bedroom and he went down on me twice. Then we cuddled a lot and finally we went out to see his friend play at a club.

I don't know if I'm being cheesy but I thought it was sweet that he walked me alllll the way back to my place instead of just going our separate ways when he got to his subway stop. Gah, he's too damned cute! And sweet! And...I just want to cuddle with him all day.
stargazer
((((mouse))))) you are so adorable. and i know what you mean about being into a guy who is such his own person. gold lame or whatnot. and i can totally understand why workcrush is driving you crazy. ha. good luck with girlcrush! i expect a drunken post soon if you are gonna party with her. hey! i can't remember if you said she was women friendly. wink.gif what's the deal-io...

(((O))) i love procrastination too. you better work up some vibeage that i can come out your way next year. then that english rose shit will be shot to hell. man, i make myself sound devilish. i'm really sweet. hee.

adnarim, that sounds complicated. i think you should definitely talk with him if your kid is involved. meaning, he is spending time with the kid. a real man doesn't shoplift the pootey. you hear.

candy, cool that you are enjoying time with the musician.

as for me, um, i'm realizing i need to pull back with the ecrush. but, damn. there is this unspoken sexy thing about him. and i totally love that he is not my type. he has this raw sexuality thing. amazing and drives me up the wall. blah.
opheliathemuse
teehee...I was eating popcorn literally! I realized what I was typing and started laughing!

Stargazer!!! I would be soooo excited if you came out here. We could dig up the red hot chili busties...

Adnarim, I agree with Stargazer if one is being truly a friend, a man, and a gentleman to you, and the other one is not. If they both are and both want portions, pick your poison.

Ms. CCG, glad to hear things are working out the way you want 'em!

Stargazer, I have experienced that before...the ever-mentioned Sonic was also a work crush and had that same quality. Would *never* have dated him, but damn. Just wanted to lick the wallpaper. Are you attracted to his mind too? For me there's always some split between sexual attraction and intellectual attraction. I never know if that's how other people work too?
Hence me lusting after this recent person-he seems like maybe both...zow!
Why do you need to pull back, if he's just popcorn...not like you're touching...
bwahahha. I am such a bad influence.


eta: mouse! let us know about girlcrush...
mouse
went to gcrush's party, of course nothing happened. i don't think i cross her radar at all as far as attraction goes and i don't really know how to get myself on there without being too blatant or tacky. oh well. i think she is kind of popcorn at this point anyway. meh. i just get depressed.

BUT. tonight i went to a coworker's holiday party (not to be confused with the upcoming company party which i have a feeling is going to be interesting) and the host was pretty drunk and he and another girl (the one who wcrush and i go to happy hour with) and i were talking about wcrush and all of a sudden host interrupts with "wait--does he have a crush on you??" (we weren't talking about anything related to me or crushes, btw--just about this dude) i turned bright red and went "NO!" none of my coworkers have ANY clue that i like him, and that is how i want it to stay--the only one i would tell would be the girl, but then our happy hour dynamic would be ruined and i don't want that. but later the girl and i were talking about weird office dynamics and whatnot and she brought up that he mentioned that, so i just real casually was like, "huh. i wonder what THAT meant. do YOU think _____ has a crush on me?" and she was like, maybe he does, and said she had thought that the times when he's been adamant about walking me to my car or the bus stop after we go out.

WAAAAAAAAHHHGHGHG!

PS--o, you really wanna party with me? wink.gif greenbean and i sang karaoke together last weekend. you're somewhat nearby, you could come hang out? we could talk about crushes ALLLLLLLL NIGHT LONG!
zoya
....um.. hello... can I come to the LA crushie party? I'm in LA part of next week and all the week after next.... and besides, it's been what - 5 years since I met Ophelia at an old-school red hot chili busties gathering? and I've never had the pleasure of meeting mouse... biggrin.gif greenbean and I, however, have shared many a bloody mary..

... and Hat-Trick (as boytoy hockey captain guy has become known) has still been texting me and he called today.. oh lord. He is sooo not the guy. But it's sooo nice to have a distraction, one who is nice to boot. It's pretty innocuous, because our paths won't even cross for at least 8 months or more. So I'm not sweating it.. I think it's exactly like Ophelia said - he's popcorn.. light, fluffy. which is not a bad thing for me - I'm an all or nothing kind of girl, so exploring just letting something be fluffy is educational.
auralpoison
Aw, damn! I want to come! I could use some drunken fun in the sun with the RHCB! I could impress you all with my skillz at the Smog Cutter! I do a mean Dusty Springfield!
mouse
HELLS YEAH LA BUSTIES PARTY! ap, please teleport your ass here asap.
candycane_girl
Aw, I wish I could hang out with all you L.A. busties!

Sadly I am all alone here in the great white north. tongue.gif
glassk
Me too. Going home to winnipeg for christmas. Oh Joy, minus forty.

But, I get to hang out with my ex-bf. Haha.
candycane_girl
Ack, Winnipeg! I've never been there in the winter, only in the summer with those horrible, evil mosquitoes.
greenbean
Haha, I think I have to actually learn the tune of the next song I do at the Smog Cutter! Zoy, shoot me an email with the dates you can hang,..unfortch its a pretty busy couple weeks for me, but i'm sure we can all figure something out..Ophelia, you must come!

Mouse, when you guys rollin in Ktown? I wanna see this batshit crazy boy for myself!

I may have me some popcorn...last night I hung out with a bunch of boys...I was in hog heaven! It started out with Bcrush inviting me to a nearby bar to meet up with some friends of his. I had previously written off the Bcrush thing as going nowhere, but now maybe hes coming back into the picture. Heck, its been 4 months since I first met him and hasnt tried anything,..but at the bar he pretty much only talked to me, like we were on a date and people we knew just happened to be around. The guys we were with had been at the bar awhile before us and were shitfaced, and we all walked back to their house nearby and the drunkest boys started playing music (both from their computer AND instruments) loudly and ridiculously. Bcrush and I sorta hung back in the kitchen and talked more. *THEN* another previous crush of mine (Jcrush, the one with the bitchy girlfriend) calls and asks me come to another all bro-night at a different bar. I told him I was already with a bunch of dudes but I would happily hang out with his crew later. Then he asked me if Jenny McCarthy was there parading boys past me-- laugh.gif jcrush is always so quick with the jokes.

Anyway, I realized Bcrush lived near the bar that Jcrush invited me to so I asked if he wanted to stop in before he went home (we drove seperate)..and he said yeah. So we went...it was cool, ...Jcrush has a new roommate that I hadnt met yet who was there,..and hes cute and funny and was playing pool with incredible style and skill (I dont know where this pool player attraction came from), and I had heard form Jcrush that hes a great cook ..plus hes Jewish and i've always had a thing for Jewish boys. So now I have a new crush..Ecrush (!). At one point I was sitting between Bcrush and Ecrush in a booth and we were all hitting it off talking shop (we are all in the same field). ..but I felt like I couldnt flirt with either of them cuz I wasnt sure which one I liked more at that moment.!! Eeep!

In the end it was chaste hugs all around..(although Bcrush's tended to linger, but still didnt go for more) I went home feeling all warm and fuzzy and crushtastic!

Whew, boy do I like to write! I hope you all know this is exactly how my diary from when I was 13 reads!
opheliathemuse
sigh...GB, I am jealous.

Um, of course mouse! you're adorable! PM me and we will work on it! And Zoya, GB, you have to come!!

CCG, glass, AP (stargazer, since I know you're heeeeere), we will lift one in honor of you!


is it weird that the slang in this thread accumulates steadily? I love it...

Am I still allowed to be here even though I have no crush at present?
Dinner invitation after Christmas with old crush whom I haven't seen in quite some time, should be nice to see him again.


sybarite
*delurks*

I have always had a thing for boys playing pool...

*relurks*
llamas
And I have a thing for girls playing pool. biggrin.gif

I emailed PocketBassist again last night...all breezy and flirty, but nonetheless. Why do I insist on trying to get my heart/ego stomped upon?
*headdesk*
crazyoldcatlady
QUOTE
then again--i do tend to fall for ridiculous boys. my second-to-last ex was wearing a gold lame raincoat and plaid shorts when we met, and that is why i loved him.

as for gcrush--i am going to get real drunk and party at her place tonight. regardless, nothing ever happens, so whatevs. i'll get trashed and dance and cry.


one, gold lame? loves it! two, dance and cry? double loves it!

yo, so like look atchya'll! moving forward on the crushies.
adnar-i second ophelia and star;
ccg- wheeee! (sorry, i have nothing more elegant to say, i've had a mental block all day)

crush has been demoted to wallpaper. 1, the whole convo on "executive cock" made me realize i ain't got time/too good for these reindeer games; 2, i think i just need to go underground/pull back (star, i was gonna ask you why you felt like you need to, but i think i understand, too); 3, saw my friend this weekend, she asked how crush was, and her boyfriend was like, who's that? so she says, "some dude catlady's gonna close out." so i say, "close out as in lock up or fuck up?" and she says, "fuck up." FUCK ME. when even the BFF has no faith in you....

sigh, i feel a shitty week coming on. i feel like i need to batten down the hatches in all aspects of my life this week and ride out the impending storm. pull back to minimize the trauma.
stargazer
lots of crushes goin' on in here. yeah!

well, the reason i said pull back cuz the sexual tension is so palpable and obvious to some fellow trainees. and i don't want to seem foolish and unprofessional. so, i'm gonna play it cool. and i suck at playing cool cause i'm too goofy. this should be interesting. trust me though, there is nothing more i would love to do then throw him on some desk and bang the livin' daylights out of him. but, like i said, play it cool. heh.

men are serving as alot of wallpaper lately. nice scenery. no one of executive cock worthy. trust me busties. i've been holdin' out. it has been 1 1/2 since i got any play.

cocl, um, dude, that wasn't cool for your friend to joke with you like that. but, i think i've given friends shit before too. but, still.

kittenb
Hello all. It's been awhile since I've posted in here but that is kind of b/c I don't know where to post. Am I in a relationship? I think so but it feels so weird that I am not ready to post in the "Committed" thread.

I don't know how to be a girlfriend. I only know how to be me. And I am a single person. Like, deeply, perpetually, pathologically single. I want to relax about it and the great thing is that when I am with him, I almost am relaxed. Almost. There is always a part of me watching what I say and what I do just so I don't scare him off. We have talked about my issues and I am beginning to learn about his. So far it seems that our nerouses blend well. God, I even laugh at his endless punning and puns just aren't even funny. They are not so why do I find his so amusing?

B/c as they said in the Kvetch thread, I am a "smitten kitten." When I am with him, I want to be touching him. He is a better cuddler than I realized that a guy could be and if I can get him to stop snoring, sleeping with him will become one of the most favorite things in my life. And the sex, well the sex is pretty good too. We are learning each other and it is so much fun. Everything about me is waking up because of him.

So why was I wanting to break up with him last night? There is no real reason. It is like I wanted to break up with him just to prove that I could. Like in the two months that I have known him I might have lost the ability to be self-reliant. I know that is not true. I am still me when I am with him. I also know that breaking up with him just to prove that I could is a bitch-ass mean thing to do and he does not deserve to be punished for crimes other people committed.

So I deep-breathed my way through it anc talked about it with a friend. It's just that I was alone for so long (longer than I am going to admit here but trust me I have you all beat, I'll bet.) The time I spend with myself was good and needed and healing. And I like being with him way, way waymore than I like being without him. He is so much of what I have been looking for and began to doubt was out there.

I just need to remember that while I come with baggage, I am worth it. I told him that a few weeks ago and I still believe it is true. And I think he believes it too.

And I guess I will learn how to be his girlfriend. I may never be comfortable posting in the sex threads but at least I finally have stuff worth sharing. rolleyes.gif And as for the rest, well, I have you ladies, right?

Thanks.

ETA: Gosh even as I write this I feel clumsy and tounge-tied. I hope all of this made sense.
glassk
kitttenb, from what you've said it makes sense you're posting here. doesn't seem real?
it's sweet. hang in there. smile.gif
mouse
QUOTE(kittenb @ Dec 10 2007, 06:36 PM) *
It is like I wanted to break up with him just to prove that I could. Like in the two months that I have known him I might have lost the ability to be self-reliant.


kitten, i hear you. i'm also perpetually single and whenever i do find myself in a real relationship it's astonishing, like "this is not me! this is not my default! what the hell!?" so i can relate to the feeling of "am i losing my ability to be MYSELF?" and--not to scare you, but it's true--after my last relationship it took me longer than i would have liked to honestly be back in my own head (though i suppose the ex-sex that lasted for two years didn't really help...i wouldn't recommend that step). HOWEVER--there is something to be said for learning new things. you KNOW how to be on your own, how to be self reliant, and how to enjoy your own company. it sounds like you took your singledom as a chance to grow into being by yourself and to love that--maybe try looking at this coupledom as an opportunity to learn how to really be with someone else? relationships are, ideally, something that improves both humans involved. if it wasn't a benefit, no one would do it. this guy sounds very good--all signs point to this time with him as ALSO being "good and needed and healing".

you're never going to lose yourself, and if you look at this as the possibility of GAINING something more, it might be more appealing. it's something new you can learn to do--like a new skill, maybe! when i start getting freaked about being with someone FOR REAL, i think about it like that and it puts it into a different perspective. you're never doing to lose what you already have--yourself, your own mind, your abilities, your self-reliance--but you might gain something new.

GOOD LUCK! let us know how it goes! and for the record...i LOVE punny boys. it all goes back to the verbal sparring/riffing/play/etc...it's hot, even if it's corny, because it means his brain is making quickfire associations AND being goofy at the same time wink.gif
opheliathemuse
It is like I wanted to break up with him just to prove that I could. Like in the two months that I have known him I might have lost the ability to be self-reliant.

Yes.
I do this almost compulsively when I am in a good relationship. I break off every single good relationship I am in. In fact, I've broken up with all of my boyfriends. All of them. I love being in love, being in relationships, but intimacy scares the fuck out of me because sometimes they ask too much out of me. Or rather, maybe it's not the intimacy but the cheap imitation of it. Does that make sense? I want to feel that I am ultimately allowed to be alone and free and loved all at once. It's a fine balance.
Just take things as they come. Enjoy the little moments, and don't stress about your status change in society's eyes. it's who you are to each other that counts.

CCL, yow, it's ok...I have faith in you. Besides, your friend might've said that to galvanize you...
I react like a mule to things like that.

llamas, don't worry. Tomorrow is another day. Cheesy but true.


Sybarite, what are you hinting at darling? (good to see you!)


I am to be a good girl. Piffle. being good is -so- hard sometimes. Okay, I'm sort of lying about not having a crush. Not really a crush though since I count crushes as superficial interests that are light-hearted fun. They are usually not meant to go anywhere. heh. I have an interest I suppose. I can't focus on more than one person when I really am interested in someone, seems pointless to me. Doesn't it?

Sometimes I am completely baffled by the male of the species. Scratch that; I am honestly baffled by much of the species in general.
sybarite
Ophelia, I was just responding to GB's post about pool playing boys...

And try not to stress too much over current developments. From what I read elsewhere your interest seems to be interested in you--he's making meaningful contact, isn't he? Sometimes I think boys are less mysterious than simply working within a different time/space continuum.

Kittenb, others have given you great feedback and advice, so I'll just add: I totally, utterly understand where you're coming from. I am a committed person (I just like lurking in here) but when my mister and I first got together I felt like I was on the steepest learning curve. I'd had a good few relationships before but never really really committed to anyone to this degree. Everything you're feeling I felt. I still feel my default is being single and we've been together over 6 years. But then, I'm a bit obsessed over having space and autonomy. Fortunately for us, he is much the same.

All of which is a long-winded way of saying what you're feeling is natural. If you're enjoying yourself and relaxed yet turned on by him, go with it. And have fun!
katiebelle2882
Hey all my old crushie friends!


I know I have been totally MIA for quite a while so I figured I would come back bc I miss the busties. My life was just busy and really, I am doing shit all summer long and never around so things got hectic. I know you all know how it is. So how is everyone? It seems par for the course in here and there are some new busties too. Yay! Just hope everyone is doing ok. I certainly have a crush but dont want to just jump in just yet since there is a discussion going on.
stargazer
QUOTE(kittenb @ Dec 10 2007, 09:36 PM) *
I just need to remember that while I come with baggage, I am worth it. I told him that a few weeks ago and I still believe it is true. And I think he believes it too.



i think the first sentence should be your mantra for yourself. there are things that happen in ourlives where we believe we are not good enough, worthy of a good relationship. kitten, i hope you remind how much work you have done on yourself to become the woman you are today and working towards everyday. i've been nothing but impressed with the level of maturity and openness you have been through this relationship. you've come a long way baby! wink.gif


omg! katie! good to see you around. keep coming back.
greenbean
Yeah, i feel like single is my default too. Even when I was in a 4 year relationship, I've never lived with a boyfriend because it scares the crap outta me. I keep thinking I want to be in a cohabital relationship eventually but then I think, "but that means he'll be around ALL THE TIME" and then i think maybe I want to be single forever and travel and have crushes and stuff.

Good luck kitten and remember, you can always make time for yourself even within a relationship.

Bcrush texted me earlier that a song was playing that reminded him of me,...it was a song I never heard of it, so I was like, "how? why?" he said "weird reason, cant explain". is that flirting??? i swear this boy is so strange! Hes throwing a James Bond theme party on New Years Eve so I've decided I'm gonna go and do something totally unlike me -- wear a SUPER hot and feminine dress--and if he doesnt go for it then I know he NEVER will.

Hi Katie!!
opheliathemuse
Hi Katie! long time! tell us more when you feel like it =)

GB, he sounds like he is flirting to me...
You might give him a heart attack.

oh crushies. I don't want to write this paper and yet it calls...

kaylafresh
Kitten B,
You are totally giving me hope. I thought your post was awesome and so relatable. A lot of times I too, will think about breaking up with someone for no reason. It's totally about self-worth... for me, too, it's "let me do it before he does it and I am hurt beyond repair." But I have to remember, healthy relationships aren't like that. I'm glad you talked to a friend and it sounds like u and ur BF really communicate, too. You sound so happy!
mouse
now find out team coworker told friendgirl wcrush in love with OTHER coworker forever. other coworker have serious boyfriend and team coworker information source dubious, but still. WHINE.

sad.gif

also, team coworker apparently on something highly resembling date with wcrush when first hired. friendgirl think wcrush now dislike team coworker because possibly failed date. *I* think wcrush dislike team coworker because team coworker sloppy with files and not greatest worker we have.

THIS GETTING TOO CONFUSING FOR YOU? BECAUSE IT GETTING TOO CONFUSING FOR ME. THAT WHY TALK LIKE HULK. AAAARRGGHHHHHH.

*temper tantrum*
glassk
mouse, crushes are 100% frustrating.... more often than not.
opheliathemuse
Mouse...I feel ya.

That is why I am not currently acknowledging the existence of any crushes. Therefore I am safe from any and all side effects that might occur.

katiebelle2882
Mouse,

I may be reading this wrong, (and forgive me if i am i am just catching up) but in my experience co worker crushes are THE worst. so, you have my sympathies, I know how hard and annoying and frustrating it all can be. god do i ever.

GB-he is definitly flirting. I am going to have to go ahead and assume your new years scheme will most likely work.

Ophelia- thats probably the way we should all go-not acknowledging them lol.

My issue is actually really someone i am dating and have been for 2 months. I just feel totally out of control with the situation. And by that i dont mean anything is bad, or he is bad, or whatever, its just that i feel like i like him so much, that A) i am not being myself and cool.gif that i am always uncertain as to where we stand, EVEN though he has introduced me to family and everything else. I think i get VERY insecure when i really, truly like someone, and that just makes me crazy.

for a little short backstory, i met him through a friend, hes NYPD, 36 and since his name starts with a B and GB already has Bcrush, ill have to use with Rcrush lol.

To be honest, i am so attracted to him, i cant decide whether or not i truly like him, or, i am just so insanely drawn to him in a sexual way, that i cant be objective. maybe its the cop thing, maybe its the uniform thing. maybe its the fact that he works in the worst part of nyc and beats the crap out of criminals. i have no idea. either way it drives me nuts. we only see eachother like once a week, and really its entirely up to him since hes the one with the bizarre schedule. i cant tell if he wants to see me more, or he has been a bachelor for so long that he needs alot of space. i just dont know. grrrr. anyway i am monopolizing things and i just came back into the fray. so ill get into it more later. all i know is that even when he texts me, my heart is in my stomach and i cant stop smiling. this is SO not me. oh well.

how is everyone? hopefully nothing catastrophic happened while i was gone!
stargazer
(((mouse))) sorry, but i was laughing at your post. and you do sound like the hulk! i wouldn't sweat the wcrush's fling with the other coworker. dude, he's flirting with you. at least it sounds like it in print. but i can understand your frustration.

katiebelle, congrats on the relationship. i think you are in a similar situation as kitten.

saw ecrush today. but, didn't get to do much flirting. i was trying to get work done, but ended talking with a coworker most of the time. should've hungout with ecrush. damn.
opheliathemuse
deleted.


Katie, I think sometimes we worry too much about those kinds of things. Enjoy what you have =)

Stargazer, remember? You wanted to back off! So, a little space is good...

eta: Stargazer: I will send some victoriana vibes your way...heehee.
I myself am relatively good about restraint I think...this latest one is the only one that I am so curious about that I have relinquished some dignity. Then again, my pride is a little out of control at times.

Scratch that. let's just say from now on, /nymph
stargazer
yeah, i remember what i said O. wink.gif restraint isn't my strength.
crazyoldcatlady
spurred on by bff's challenge, i invited c over to drink and smoke crappy cloves and have awesome platonic conversation. and i feel stupid 'cos i got drunkish and stained my lips. i'm a fool.
word.
be back lata to comment more, you ladies rock my world.
opheliathemuse
okay. I am posting obsessively now. gah!

CCL, you are awesome! rock on. you are not a fool. you are brave. excellent job. What happened?

I know stargazer must've seen bits of it, but I keep posting and deleting. Argh. did it again.

I responded to an im when I shouldn't have. But I feel slightly good about it; keeping things on a platonic level now. Believe will stop flirting and behave exactly like a friend.
opheliathemuse
Damnit.
candycane_girl
what's wrong, ophelia?
crazyoldcatlady

coming back in to do a proper/sober recap:

bff actually spurred me on positively this time, and what with it being 10pm and me being bored/deceivingly awake, i decided to throw out some bait via text message. c took it, and before i knew it, he was over here and we were drinking wine and talking about fun peripheral shit. and this went on until like 2am. but yeah, the wine had stained my lips, and i discovered it a bit too late. that was the fool part. but, you know what, fuckit. the only thing was, like our convo was totally platonic. no innuendos. no flirting. no touching, not even to goof around. and despite he little voice in my head saying "maybe it's because he thinks of you like a friend", i gotta say, on paper i think i have to admit even to my own critic that there's more than that. next step.............. we'll see.

welcome to crush anonymous, my name's cat lady.
okay, now on to you ladies:

ophelia- what's got you in the bell jar, girl? speak on it.

star-navigating the workplace crush is tricky, but let's face it, hiding that shit is half the fun sometimes. you got like a dept/division xmas party where you can molest/respectfully converse with ecrush?

katiebelle-you're back, yay! you are straight smitten. don't analyze the whole "is it his sexual prowess and promise of handcuffs vs. true love" aspect. just ride the wave and unabashedly giggle like a school girl.

gb- james bond party? wear a hot little number, and call yourself something like Kitty Hymen or something, in the grand tradition of pussy galore, octopussy, etc...

mouse- RARR. TEAM COWORKER HOT MESS, BORING. WCRUSH QUIRKY, MAKE FOR GOOD MOUSE
opheliathemuse
that sound rather gentlemanly of him to tactfully avoid telling you about your lip stain, CCL...
I'm glad you two had some nice conversation! Sometimes that is soooo hard to achieve if there is sexual tension of any kind.
Brava.

Ummm. Well, you know what I posted about behaving properly and platonically? Went out the window with actual chatting. I was quite good until rather far into the conversation. oops.

Now I am eating cheese. very late at night. and deleting more posts.
adnarim
Ok, so there was Crush. Last week, both drunk, we slept together. Two days later, on stage, as his band was setting up for their show, he told me he wasn't "ready" for anything - at all, oh, he likes me but has too many issues for a relationship - and he regrets what happened. So, upset, seeking comfort, I turned to his bandmate who had been telling everyone how "in love" he was with me and who is a super gentleman and really great with my daughter. We spent all week together, basically. Almost every minute. And it was good. Great, even. But, then today he came to the realization that he isn't over his ex (who recently got married) and that if she ever wanted to give him another chance he would do it in a instant. So, he's gone now too. And I cried a lot. Stupid crushes. I used one guy to try to get over the other one and now I need another one to get over that one. Vicious cycle? I think so. Sorry to barge in. I haven't had a minute to myself all week and really needed to get all this out. It sucks.
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