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geekchickknits
QUOTE(starship @ Feb 3 2009, 09:58 PM) *
why do i go off them as soon as they fall for me:/



I believe it's called "The Thrill of the Chase."

or to quote (I believe) Groucho Marx,

"I wouldn't want to be in any club that would have me as a member."
starship
haha. yeah i guess i know that really but it doesnt make me any less of a pain in the ass. bad me.
hellcat
I'm trying to think of a way to trick yourself into liking him again Starship...no dice. I mean, obv, you liked him for something or, well, it could have just been to achieve. Sometimes, I just want to know that someone likes me just to remember (when I can't on my own) that I am likeable.
My feelings for my crush is like the moon and now it's beginning to wane. Bah. Now, after I spent all this time on the most awesome Valentine ever I don't even know if I want to send it. I haven't really heard from him lately. I was just having so much fun flirting over little emails and facebook exchanges. I guess I ought to send it since I made it for him...it'd be nice. It isn't a serious LOVE valentine or anything.

Wow. I must stop dwelling on the card.
anna k
I really enjoyed my dance class Tuesday night. I didn't see the guy, so I assumed that he wouldn't be there. After the first ten minutes, I had moved to a different spot, and went back to the first spot to get my water. I looked up and saw he was there and looking at me. I just smiled and gave him a little "what's up" nod, and went back to my place. I didn't even think, I just did it.

I didn't talk to him, except exchanging "thank yous," (him opening the door for me, me letting him pass with some equipment). When I look at him he looks more ordinary, but still cute in a way. But I like seeing him in the dance class anyway, it makes me happy for some reason.

I also got messaged by a guy who I dated two years ago. We chatted for a bit on OKCupid, and he sounded fine, but it was more of a "hey, what's up?" email, I didn't get that he was looking to go out, having just ended a relationship and scouring around profiles.

I get awkward about my looks. I wear glasses and am busty, and still feel like I look like some kind of nerd. Even if I've lost a ton of weight and look better now, I still feel like a shy nerd inside, and work to overcome it.
hellcat
Anna_k, I seem to always catch your posts around the boards and just wanted to say I that I find you quite insipiring. It seems like you are really pushing yourself to get out there and participate in life! I hope that doesn't sound lame. Even if you are on the "nerdy" side I can't help but think of all the girls I know who adore "nerdy" guys (not the new trendy nerdy style, the fo' sho' deal) and it makes me think that there ought to be guys on the other side thinking the same thing about girls. I too am bust and wear glasses. I just got a new pair of frames not too long ago and I really feel like they've helped me out. They are even how I got my username, they are called "hellcat". A new pair of frames can make a huge deal! Anyways, back to topic.

I have nothing to add in my romantic dilemmas. To send or not to send- 'tis the question. I need someone new, and local, to crush on. I actually wish it had been appropriate for me to hit on the guy that gave me my interview for the school board I applied to. He was so cute, and we obviously had similar interests seeing as he is a recruiter for teaching. I'm sure (???) that we flirted in the interview - alas, it would have been super unprofessional.

~*~**~*~cursh vibes for all ~*~**~*
geekchickknits
No real movement on my crushes lately, but....

When I went out for dinner the other night, one of the men sitting at the table behind me asked me what I was reading. When he left, he asked me out for coffee! I said yes. I don't think I'm interested, but he had the nerve to ask, and what the heck, it's only going to be an hour out of my day. He's a criminology professor, so at the very least there will be some interesting conversation.

My friend who works at the restaurant referred to him as "creepy," but he didn't seem that way to me - just socially awkward (talks too loudly, leaves his cell phone on loud and talks on it in the restaurant) but if he was to do something like that when we're out, I would probably just say that I find that dis-respectful to the people around me, and hope he doesn't take offence.

~~Crush vibes all round~~
anna k
That's great, geekchickknits! Good luck!

Aww, thanks hellcat. I don't really feel too inspiring myself, it's just making myself do things to get past being insecure and shy and socially awkward, and learning from past mistakes to improve for a better future. That sounds really corny, but I've had a lifetime of being diagnosed as having a mild autistic disorder and having to work to get through depression and social anxiety and all this crap, so it's just a matter of making life as good as I can make it, and growing up.
starship
QUOTE(anna k @ Feb 5 2009, 05:27 AM) *
I get awkward about my looks. I wear glasses and am busty, and still feel like I look like some kind of nerd. Even if I've lost a ton of weight and look better now, I still feel like a shy nerd inside, and work to overcome it.


psht, i've seen some of your pics youve posted and i'd kill for that gorgeous womanly figure of yours! &i dont even recall you having glasses which probably means other people dont really notice either. must mean they suit you

Hmm, i actually kinda think that im still not ready to be in a relationship again but this guy coming along who i like has totally thrown the little plan i had mapped out for myself in my head. i feel like im being evil and playing him about. but im not. well, not intentionally. im kinda split 50/50 about whats best for me so sometimes ill flirt like crazy with him, but the next minute these little sirens go off in my head like 'abort abort'. ramble. i need to behave myself. but it's hard when i know he likes me too:/

anna, have you tried a conversation with this guy yet? sorry if you already said- i tend to flutter in and out if this thread:/

hellcat- send the damn card:P what harm can it do

oh and geekchick i love criminology! bet he'll have a lot of interesting things to say:)
anna k
starship, I spoke to him a little, but not much. I once told him he did well in the dance class (since he was new to it), and he looked sheepish and said, "it's not my best." If he wants to talk to me, he will, I'm not going to push it, it's really not that important.
geekchickknits
Thanks guys! I'm glad thing seem to be moving for you too!

anna k, you sound a lot like me. I've never been diagnosed autistic, but I am very shy. No one believes me because I force myself to talk to people, but if I was to follow my instincts, I would clam up, and observe instead of engage. In school, I went through three years of having no friends, so when I moved from middle school to high school, I forced myself to talk to people and put myself out there.

Hellcat, I'm with starship - send the damn card! To quote Cordelia Vorkosigan, "you may regret not having done so, but you will never regret having done so."

I came to the conclusion yesterday that both of my crushed are only interested in friendship. *sigh* It's too bad, but I'm letting them go.

Apparently criminology dude is attracted to my gene pool. I was telling my cousin about him and she knew his name! They went out for dinner together last year. She got all excited and told me he was a really, nice, interesting, successful, respected guy! She also thought that we would make a lot of sense together. Crazy!
hellcat
The card is....SENT! Thanks for the push. It should get to him on Thursday. Now I'm v. excited for a response of sorts. A positive one would be much appreciated!
anna k
good vibes for hellcat and her valentine!!!!

geekchickknits, I too am naturally shy, and it's been years of work to overcome social difficulties to be more adult and more friendlier rather than closed-off, and it's been great recently, just changing some of my habits has worked great. I just always wanted to be normal, and felt embarassed by being shy or reserved.

I feel like I'm getting over my crush. The more I see him, the more that I think he looks alright or not as cute as I thought, and since he doesn't talk to me, there's really no point in having a crush, it seems pointless. Plus, I don't feel any strong attraction like I did before. And I'll admit, it hurt my ego a little to see him talking to my friends but not me, like I wasn't pretty or likeable enough. So that's that. Tomorrow night I'm going on a meetup.com event, where a group are going to see Friday the 13th. I'm not interested in the movie or spending a bunch to see something crappy, but I'd like to meet with the group beforehand, and then maybe I'll go or not, depending on the group.
girltrouble
i ran into an old acquaintance today at the grocery store....

i had a mad crush on her a few years ago. she and i hung out at a bar then a neighbor, her cousin's place, drinking. i knew she dated women, but it was the way that she treated me that gave me the crush... that hand on the small of my back as we walked back to the building, a certain gentleness in the way she addressed me, the way, after a hug, her hand caught mine for just a second longer than it should have....the way that she used pet names in a way that made me weak in the knees... i think of all the butches i've known she would be top 5 easy. she's cute, yeah, but shorter than me (who isn't?), but it's the way she carries herself, nah, she's a sexy motherfucker. it was good to see her, but the best was how she kept telling me how good i looked...

heh... yes i do.

part of me wants her to call me, and to go out, i have a feeling since i've known her and crushed out on her, that i'd get those butterflies when she kissed me, another part of me hopes she doesn't. i want to be single for years, and i could fall for her hard.
hellcat
So, gt...did she call?

Any other group movie trips for you Anna_k? I read that the last time was something of a success! *high-five*

I have had no response to the Valentine but it hasn't even been a week so I should really just get over it, and I'm reminding myself that I'm not actually that in to him (snort).

I did, however, have some crushy fliratations at a funk show I went to. Unfortch' the boy I had my eyes on (glasses, tight brown curls, aced the head bob) wouldn't dance to the funk-eh get down jams! Pffft. I guess that told me what!

(sidenote: are my post maybe more appropriate for the moooving on thread? or general relationship?)
anna k
haha yeah hellcat it was good. Next month there's a writing workshop planned, but I'm not looking to hook up with anyone, that was just a happy surprise.

Yeah that sucks that you haven't had a response to the Valentine. Ah well.
hellcat
Wait...what was that sound?

*crush*

The Valentine was not as well received as one could have hoped. Although, the response (email) is quite confusing but I think the general tone was "not right now". I honestly need one of my friends to read over it for me because it seems really confuddled. Now I'm feelin' a lil bummed out. I was really enjoying our flirtations and I'm thinking he thought I was wanting a lot more. I'm thinking he may not have been that far off the mark seeing as my reaction feels a little bit like heart break.
flanker_ji
((hellcat))

I'm in the middle of the most epic crush I've ever experienced. I do beleive he'll be mine. But right now, we're un-officially courting at a rate of slowness I never realized was possible before. His good friend/roommate has started trying to move things along with us now, I wonder if he's tired of talking about it with this guy. We're both so afraid because of the past... Also, he's a father of two, and even more so isn't someone whose going to date casually because of his boys (they're 4 and 6). Dude he is sexy and my soulmate in so many ways it's insane.
anna k
((((hellcat)))) I'm sorry it didn't work out, but you took a chance, and can now move on from it.

flanker_ji, I like your post a lot, about the sexy awesome guy. I wish you all the luck in your courtships of each other. smile.gif

edited because I didn't feel like posting the same thing in multiple threads.
flanker_ji
Thanks anna! 've really enjoyed your posts about your success with reaching out to people in new ways. I remember similar experiences very fondly. smile.gif
StarLightBright
theres one guy i have a crush on and i really actually like him but it seems like he doesnt like me and I'm over it but it would be so GREAT if he actually did show me...basically we met at the gas station and he is the one that approached me...so obviously he was physically attracted to me...he wanted to see me everyday for 2 weeks straight then all of sudden it stopped all together...he stopped calling me...so i didn't call him either...and every time we do talk he tells me how much he missed me but i feel like its all BS lik last friday i had 5 missed calls from him and when i called him back he wanted to hang out with me but i already had plans so i told him he can come see me...and he said ok so when i called him to meet up with him he never answered my calls to at the end of the night i texted him calling him an A Hole lol and he texted me in the morning around 9 am saying he was really sorry and that he had fallen asleep but im sure it was bs and then when i ignored that text he called me around 10 pm 10hours after the text lol asking me if i got the text he sent me so i told him yes and he asked me if im out with my sister cuz he feels much more comfortable when i am with her suposedly cuz since shes younger i would be much careful with her around but i dont know hes weird i just think theres nothing there from his side. what do u guys think
flanker_ji
Go with your gut, SLB.

And please, please use puncuation. It's really hard to read and pay attention to a long post like that when there's nothing breaking it up. You aren't texting here.
futura
Flanker! That sounds really good!

Anna, you've been around a while on these boards, right? I think you made real progress! It's great to see you feel more comfortable reaching out.

I can't find it right now, but i think someone somewhere in this thread said that no matter how causual two people are about both having sex and hanging out, it always ends in one person having feelings and then it's just hard.

I don't even really know if i'm in that place right now. I'm single and happy with that. Last year i met this guy and we hit it off right away in regard to mutual interests and such (i might have mentioned him before). I didn't want to admit it to myself but i got this mad crush on him. Still, i didn't want to label it, and i didn't feel i had to pursue anything. I was fine with how this were (friends with sex thrown in).
I was fine until he began dropping remarks that can't be read anything else than that he thought about a relationship. It was clear and vague at the same time. In hindsight i think any other girl would definitely read it as making a move relationship-wise. I think he just didn't know what to do and try and make me define what was going on. And i wasn't to. If you want to say something say something. Don't let me label it for you. I always thought i wasn't going to be that girl.

So at last we met up and we concurred that nothing good would come out of it. So i was fine with him pulling out. There's just not enough to make it work. And his whole fear of commitment came up again. So i was understanding, giving him space all the time. I never claimed him. He owes me nothing and vice versa.

Now i found out he has a girlfriend of some sort. Seriously, i go 2 months without seeing him. Out of sight out of mind i guess.
I mean, i have met other people in the meantime. I have fun. And i know i should definitely move on. But i can't get rid of this resentment i have built towards him. Somewhere he's a good guy at heart, but at the same time he seems clueless. I mean fear of commitment?! Come on! I feel betrayed. And i know i'm not being reasonable, but right now i don't care. I know we weren't meant to be. But still i feel this way.
I mean, how can he say to me he thought about us being together. There have to be feelings right? So he can do a 180 in a couple months huh?

Oh well. Live and learn, eh? I know i'll be fine in the end. I can handle this. But right now i feel like i never ever want to contact him again.
hellcat
Of course you can handle this futura! It's like when you're a kid and you stop playing with a toy, you don' t even really like it all that much, but then someone else starts playing with it and you want it back. Or maybe it isn't like that at all. Might be a good idea to keep him out of sight again.

I still haven't repsonded to my burnt out crush. I feel like I almost got dumped even though we weren't together. Bizarre. The good thing is that I keep neglecting to contact him because I'm busy with other things. Not fine crush specimens but with other worthy stuffs.
futura
Yeah, you may be right, hellcat. I've been pondering the past days. I don't want to be with him, i don't miss him, so why do i feel this way? I think it'll eventually fade out. We're both on different levels in what we want in life, so even if we'd tried the relationship thing it would be dead by now and i'd feel a lot worse. The problem is that i give guys way too much credit. I have to be realistic and move on.

Which i did, btw. I met this guy and he is..intriguing. Man i don't know what to make of him. And in regard to what i wrote above i learnt that i have to tread carefully. 'No strings attached' and all that jazz.

Hellcat, i get why you feel almost dumped. Somehow you build up to some sort of thing that might be happening. You put a lot of work in the card.
It's good to keep yourself busy, to do stuff that centers on you, not on other people. I think you'll do fine.
hellcat
How is the time apart going for you futura? Fading?

I've been watching The City (groan, if you must) and am finding myself about to quote from Diane Von Furstenberg (sp?) as she tells Whitney a quote from Roger de Bussy-Rabutin:

Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.

Hmmm...I don't know how often crushes turn into love but hey- I figure it is some how relevent. Maybe...sorta...I'm not sure.

Newsflash on my end. Mr. Valentine has called me to schedule me in to his short visit to the city. I'm just getting over it and should avoid him- but I can't. At least I don't think I'm quite able yet. I'm not feeling so butterfly-y over him these days and I'm hoping to be surprised by my lack of feelings for him. That, however, will be bittersweet.

Any other crushes out there? New guy/gal at work? Neighbour? Transit rider? Come on!

I had a brief and fleeting crush on a man only because I helped his little girl in the ladies room that he couldn't go into. A nice 3 minute crush!
flanker_ji
Well, my crush and I have finally made official moves towards dating!

Last night, I hung out with him, my friend, and her boyfriend. At the end of the night, I wrote him a note asking him to call me with my phone number and dropped it off on his bed on my way out the door, while he was in the dining room with everyone else. As I was heading out the door, he stopped me and asked me for my number. smile.gif
Now it's time to play the waiting game.

Belated thanks for the encouragement, futura!

Hellcat, I love that quote. Have you seen Mr. Valentine yet?
futura
Flanker, that's really exciting!

Hellcat, have you met with mr Valentine? And yes, great quote; i always find great comfort (!) in watching series like The Hills et al. And there's some real good quotable gems in those to boot!

Yes, time apart is going well. I mean, i have discussed it in length with friends, and they were all like; you didn't want it anyway, you're just out of a very demanding relationship. You don't want to be the responsible one yet again. It felt really good to vent here. It's weird you know, that i choose to have such a selected memory when it comes to this issue. I keep forgetting that there were ample signs where i questioned the whole durability of this fling. And when he kind of cut it off i felt bad.
I think there are issues i have to deal with. I have never known anything else than mutual trust and commitment from an S.O. I am used to someone favoring me all of the time. I think i feel like even with a fling i should have all the attention an dedication, even if it's unrequited from my side. That's not right and i know it. These are my first steps into the single life and i think i need to learn a lot.

Anyway, the other guy i mentioned has quite some baggage and drama attached, so it's best to keep things light.

And there are couple others...still some progress to be made...
flanker_ji
Futura, in my opinion, there's a lot to be said for staying single for a while, and I hope you get some enjoyment & education out of it!

I found out that when my crush was telling his roommate about getting my note, he ended by saying, "I'm going to sleep better tonight." !!!
anna k
flanker, I am SO happy for you! That is so sweet and awesome that he's so into you!
flanker_ji
Thank you! *squee!*
futura
WOOT! for Flanker!

Staying single for a while..definitely.

I'm friends with past crush on a networking/friend-site. I decided not to look there anymore. For a while at least. I'm tired of having him in the back of my head. I need him out of there. Which is probably already happening.

hellcat
Just popping in for a quick HIGH-FIVE for flanker!
anna k
I'm done with my crush. I've had a couple of nice conversations with him, where I felt very confident and self-assured and happy, but I'm generally shy and reserved, and he seems indifferent to me, so it feels pointless.

I'm a little disappointed, but that's how it is. I've had pretty good luck with guys these past couple of months, with a nice date, a hookup, having good conversations with guys at a party I went to, and felt very confident and attractive and interesting, so when I'm around someone who I like who isn't into me, it can make me feel bad. But I've messaged guys on OKCupid, still wanting to date and have fun and use more of my confidence, it's all good.
futura
Yeah, Anna, sometimes it is like that. If someone isn't into you, try not to feel bad. I mean, i know that's so much easier said than done, but what someone thinks of you has nothing to do with you, you know? If someone can't see how great you are, then that's too bad for that person. He missed out on something.

Flanker! How are things? Still waiting game?

Hellcat? How are you?

This afternoon i saw former crush. I saw him talking to (mutual) friends outside, just as i was on my way to deliver something i had borrowed from a friend (i was at work). Since this friend was outside too i figured i might as well join them.

He seemed genuinely happy to see me. I was a bit off..i don't know. We talked a bit. I felt a strange sense of loss, as i don't know if we'll ever hang out again. At the same time i was like whatever. I don't think he would've visited me if i hadn't gone outside, which makes me wonder at what level he feels arkward. He's a couple of years younger than i am, and i sometimes feel like i'm too threatening..you know, knowing myself, knowing where i want to go, no games, just straighforward. Hanging out with him is fun, although sometimes it felt like he was competing when it comes to knowledge. Anyway..he still has earrings of mine at his place. I don't feel like calling him about it.

Anyway, everyone was going back to work. I went inside after saying something completely generic like 'good luck with work'. I didn't feel like saying anything...which is the way i get when something gets to me. I act all cool and detached while inside i care a lot. Even if i know it's a good thing there's closure and that i'll never sleep with him again.

This weekend i made out with a guy. He's kind of nerdy and we talked all night a some get-together. Still, the next day i felt guilty. I don't know why i take things so seriously sometimes. I had a great night out, but the next day i can't help but feeling like i led him on. I immediately got an email from him, saying he'd like to go out to dinner sometime. I think i would like that, because he's a very nice guy. But i don't want to take things further and at the same time i don't want to brush him off completely. I just moved to this city and i'd like to meet new people. So that's a good reason to have dinner with him. I think. I don't know. Coherency's hard to find today.

Thinking about it all sometimes makes me want to quit with men altogether. I mean, so much fuss for what? It seems so insignificant at times.

I hope i'll feel better at the end of the week, because then i have a date with a cute guy.
flanker_ji
No, he called me last Wednesday, and we went out on Saturday afternoon! Then hung out for a bit on Sunday!

It's been great, and he seems totally unafraid to see where things go with us. At the same time, I think he can deal with my current neurotic-ness. I don't date a ton because it's really hard for me. I get anxious easily, especially about being judged by others. But I'm feeling very fortunate about how easy it's been with him so far, since he's straightforward about his feelings, and at the same time isn't expecting too much too soon!

Anna - what futura said.

Futura, it sounds like you're out of former crush's league, and you're better off with closure. If I were you, I'd go out with nerdy guy, unless you really don't want to be bothered. Worst case scenario, you tell him you're not interested in taking things further. Maybe you just need to find out a little more about him to know for sure he's not for you. Let us know how the cute guy date goes.
futura
Sounds great Flanker! Enjoy!

Yeah. I know. This too will pass. I'm not sure if it's just lust, you know. He's so darned goodlooking. but anyway, closure. Yes. Good thing.

Nerdy guy; i dunno. I'm quite new to dating and if there's one thing i hate, it's getting your hopes up for nothing. I already told him i'm not looking for anything serious. And hanging out and talking has been cool. So maybe i want just that. I don't want to brush off someone i don't really know. God, sometimes i think i'm superficial.
Right now it kinda feels like too much. It was already daytime when i arrived home and the same day i got the mail. So i was like whoa back up the truck.

I know cute guy from last year, we hung out, share the same taste in music. It was fun. The works, like. So i'm going to have a good time and enjoy myself.

anna k
Thanks futura. I'm not really upset, I just felt dissappointed. But I've been having a lot of luck with guys lately, so this isn't a big deal. The guy to me just seems like a regular 'bro who probably wouldn't be interested in my nerdy self anyway. And I don't get an excited crush feeling around him anymore, no feelings.

Tomorrow I'm planning to go on a day date with a guy from OKCupid. He seemed alright and I like chatting with guys and feeling comfortable.

Yay for flanker!!!!

Futura, I hope you have a good time on your date, and maybe give the nerdy guy a chance if you want.
futura
Anna, i understand. Moving on is the best option. It sounds like such a cliche, but there are so many guys out there. Granted, there are asshats amongst them, but you know, good ones too. Let us know how the date goes!

So. I'm beginning to fall into that category where dating guys with kids is like, normal. I myself don't think it's normal at all, at least the 8 year old in me seems to have that opinion. I mean, it's so adult! I don't want kids. Cute guy has kids. My friends have been teasing me like crazy about it. Kids are only wih him on certain weekends though.

I have been flirting with a guy in the same building where i work. I gave him a drawing. He wanted to pay for it and i was like hell no. It's kind of a doodle and my friend told me this guy liked it very much. I told the guy 'just take me out for a beer, then we're even. What guy doesn't understand that? After that i got a sweet email telling me i was beautiful and all that and that he hung the picture in his living room. I'm not really doing anything now concerning him. Just waiting 'til he makes a move.

And there's this guy i mostly have contact with over the internet. I know him from school. He lives 3 hours away. Some time ago i was in the town he lives in, so a couple days before we agreed to kind of meet up. Only it was a meetup with lots of other people including my ex. So it was a bit arkward. He left early. But the next day i got a message saying he enjoyed talking to me and that we'd have to do that more often. The day after that i got a text saying that he got my number from a mutual friend and that he'd call when in town. This weekend we were flirting like mad online. I'll just stick it out. Something will happen eventually.

I'll give nerdy guy a chance. But since my weekends are full to the brim, it'll take a while before we can meet up.

I'm still not comfortable with being intimate with guys and then seeing a side of them which makes me feel i'm too close. You know, even a man stroking my hair or looking at me a certain way makes me freak out. I get all distant in return.

Oh well. It's spring eh? Hormones come out come out wherever you are!
hellcat
Glad to see everyone has got something on their plate! Just heard from Mr. Valentine and his trip out is a bust. I'm pretty pleased with myself for not being torn up about it. I was looking forward to it, but more so in a science experiment way. I've been fooled before with this sense of over-it-ness and have found that the true test is to be in close contact. This boy and I have mad chemistry and I can feel my body react to him. Crazy, right?

I just got a new job and am now super busy and will continue to be until then end of June. I'm a teacher (haha this is the first time I actually get to say that seeing as I just graduated- feels funny) and most other teachers are women. No crush potential here.

Oooh - but guess what? I flirted with the guy who sold me my watch! He may only have been 19 but he was scrumptious! Also- I may not have actually flirted...but we talked. Ugh - I'm silly sometimes. I mean, it is his job to talk to me. Sigh.

How was the date Anna? I've just joined some online dating sites but haven't had the balls to put up a pic or even finish a profile.

Futura, sounds like you have lots of potentials. I think your right to go out for you dinner date. Being new in the city the best thing you can do is get out and about. Just make sure you stay honest with the guy.

Flanker I'm so happy for you that this guy isn't makin' you anxious and crazypants. That has to be a good sign! Keep on keepin' it slow.
flanker_ji
Yes, I love it when the crush thread is hopping. You could definitely see how Spring has sprung this past weekend at the lake - so many couples out walking.

Futura, word on dating guys with kids - this date was by far the most adult date I've ever been on. If I didn't work with kids (I drive school buses), I probably wouldn't be going out with this dude.

Thanks hellcat - things will be slow for sure. Neither one of us seem to be in a rush, thank goodness. Glad you're working your rationality over the chemistry between you & Mr. Valentine. Enjoy getting your flirt on, wherever the source. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to start really enjoying flirting...
futura
Warning! Long-ass post ahead!

Yay for adult dates!

I haven't really been on a date yet. With former crush it was all hanging out and after alcoholic consumptions we got it on.
I have been in an accident, and am now recovering. Because of that i take the bus to work. I virtually pass his house every day. It takes strength not to think about him then. The thing i can't wrap my head around is that after another drunken romp he said to me we really should try it sober. And when we finally did he was very uncomfortable. He even refused a bj! You must be SERIOUSLY MENTAL if you refuse a bj from me. I felt so stupid when he did.
Also, the night before that happened, he had a party at his house with friends, whom i knew for the most part (cod, there was this hot guy sitting across the table and i was like 'damn that's too complicated right now'). When i entered everyone grew silent and greeting former crush was very arkward. When i gave him his birthday gift he put his hand on my knee while saying 'thank you'. It probably sounds like no big deal, but that gesture in front of all his friends...it made me feel like he marked the prey or something. I am not the person for intimate stuff in public so i was weirded out. And the things he said later (the relationship-move i talked about earlier). Man, i don't know how any other girl would've reacted to his antics.

It's funny. Today i thought about it and i think it could've been any other guy. I miss the excitement of the fling, the whole crush-thing. But this guy told my then bf he liked me and that i was probably wild in the sack right? My bf remained discreet whether this was the case but ofcourse he told me. That's what set the whole thing off; somebody was interested in me! I had to check that out. It's probably one of those you-want-it-when-you-know-you-can't-have-it-and-when-it's-there-you-don't-know-what-the-fuck-to-do thingie from his side. When i confronted former crush with these facts later he said he didn't remember. Jeez.

Anyways. Had to get that out. I think it's because i'm reading the archives now...inspiring!!

With the drama guy, things have been most adult yet. Lordy, he knows how to treat a woman. He smokes in bed. It's so French! He has a bit of that Serge Gainsbourg thing going on. He's much prettier though.
anna k
I had the date with the guy today. We met at a Starbucks, and got along well. He had long hair pulled back, kind of a grungy look, grew up in NYC, son of an actress and did acting himself, and had kind of a vagabond look to him. I didn't find him particularly cute, but liked the conversation. We talked about various stuff for about an hour and a half, walking around the neighborhood, and he seemed to dig me, I could tell by his body language moving towards me when we sat on a bench. When we talked about what we liked about each other's profiles, I said I thought he was interesting-looking and liked his music/film tastes as well as other stuff, and he said he liked my background and that I had a gorgeous smile. I didn't feel a strong attraction, but would see him again just to try for a second date. It made me feel good, and I hate to say that it gave me more confidence, but given that I'm naturally shy and reserved, it makes me feel happy when I can talk to someone and they can be charmed or interested by me.

I've felt pretty good these last few months, of having changed social habits and been more open with people, getting over past insecurities and shedding an old skin, and despite that I can still feel like an insecure nerd with self-doubt, I like being where I'm at now than before.

futura, that former crush guy sounds bizarre. You dodged a bullet there. And I like your description of drama guy as Serge Gainsbourg!

hellcat, flirting is fun! I love whenever I feel pretty and ladylike and flirt with a guy, I feel like some kind of classic lady to be courted, I enjoy it.
flanker_ji
I should be calling dude tonight, but I'm not. I have a good get-together to invite him to.

I'm afraid that he won't make time for me if he has to find someone else to take care of the boys. I think this fear might be totally irrational and a reflection of the idea I have to fight in my head that a man won't prioritize me.

I'm going to try hard to call him during my mid-day break tomorrow. Even if I get his voicemail it's better than waiting to call after another long day of work, I think. For now, I gotta get ready for bed.
futura
Anna, dating gives one an ego boost. Even when there are no fireworks, it's great to feel someone's interested i you, no? Sounds like you had a good time!

Flanker, call him! And, yes, leave a message if he isn't there. Please don't try to fill in what you think he'll think or do (so easy to say, i know!). I guess with kids, you may have to plan more. But hey, stop thinking, do it. For all you know everything turns out as you hoped!
period_monster
fellow crushers, I finally have a crush to report. This guy, Online Guy, and I have been emailing for the last week and a half or so. And it is so much fun. I fear that if we were to meet, it couldn't be as fun as the reading, the writing, and most of all, the painful anticipation involved as I await the latest from him. I have devolved into a squealing adolescent girl, and I gotta say, way more fun as a grown woman.

Good luck with all your crushes. It does do a world of good to the ego to have someone ahem, stroking it. tongue.gif
flanker_ji
I was still too chicken-shit to call dude during the day, but tonight I grabbed my phone to call him, and what do I see? A missed call and voicemail from him, asking if I have any free time this weekend so he can find a sitter! Freaking awesome! Thank you for your wise words, futura.

And hell yes, squealing like an adolescent girl is so much better as a grown woman!
biggrin.gif
anna k
Yay flanker!!! It sounds like things are going great for you and crush guy!

period_monster, you and online guy should meet soon. It may be great online, but you should take a risk and see if the chemistry matches in person. You never know.

Thanks, futura. I did feel a confidence boost, and felt very happy and elated afterwards, more from having a fun conversation and being flirty and sweet rather than a strong attraction to the guy.
futura
Hehe, Flanker what did i tell you;) Seriously sometimes life has a way of working out..go with the flow!

Period, that is so exciting! Keep us posted!

So..a dream about the ex just before i woke up. Freaky.
futura
Hey hey all! How was your weekend?

Flanker, you did get together with your crush? How did it go?

Period, have you set a date with your guy yet?

Mine was pretty damn great. Y'know, before a date i always analyze things too much. Like, maybe we won't end up in bed? It's possible, right? Not that i insist on things, it should come naturally, and i was going to have a great time no matter what. Needless to say we did end up together in bed.
This guy lives 2+ hours away, so sleeping over was pretty much the deal. Two friends of mine had to go somewhere in the vincinity, so they offered me a ride. Since the town he lives in is quite small, my friends expected to hear what had happened pretty soon (grapevine).

He picked me up, showed me his house (very minimal and clean in a responsible grown-up kind of way. Drama guy lives in this dump of a house & everytime i have to go to the bathroom he gives me a flashlight! It's too funny! I am amazed at how different men perceive 'home'). He had two bedrooms for his children. He loves his kids. It's very endearing.

So then we went out for dinner. The waitress picked up on the vibe i guess, because we kept forgetting choosing what to order since we were deep in conversation. She was like 'keep chatting away, i don't mind, have a good time!' This guy is from the same region i'm originally from, and dating men out of the same province as i am can be a huge dealbreaker for me. They can be standoffish peasants at the worst. I myself am standoffish. He's a bit like that. But when i was ordering two beers at the bar in a cafe, and he put a hand on my shoulder while saying 'i'm going to the bathroom, i'll be right back' i knew we were going to have sex.

Back at his place he asked me if i'd like something to drink. I said i would if he did. He said he was fine. Well i'm fine too then i said. So he says 'Ok, let's go upstairs then'...yeah, that's pretty forward. I mean, this is a date without physical contact outside the bedroom, mind you.
Anyways, sex was great. I mean, we fucked before, like 6 months ago. I don't know if he was more comfortable now, or someone showed him the ropes in the meantime...but man! Seriously, i am creaming my pants thinking about it! God, he banged me hard. Love me some morning portions as well. With former crush things turned somewhat arkward in the morning (i mean, talking in bed is great, but some sex thrown in wouldn't hurt). So i'm glad i meet men who don't have a problem going at it again the morning after. And he's pretty. Lean, kind of skinny, but muscular.

Later that day i visited BGP, and ofcourse she wanted to know everything.

He wants to stay in touch. I like that. This can never evolve into a serious relationship, but i like him.

period_monster
Yay for portions! I have not met the guy--still. Actually, I am trying my hardest to let this progress slowly. I am an impatient person, but this has created many issues for me in the past, where I'll continue with someone I don't know or even like that much because I need/want sex. Who knows what will happen, but I am enjoying the lengthy, slow flirtation. Did I mention I'm a bit of a masochist? wink.gif

Good luck with continuing crushes. They can be such fun. Why can't he be permanent, Futura?
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