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epinephrine
Bah. Long-distance crush. I've been thinking about R lots since I came to China. Wonder what it'll be like when we finally see each other again. I want to stay friends, nothing romantic, but...time has proved that that sexual tension isn't going to go away on its own!

On the other hand, several guys here seem to have crushes on me. It's actually a little weird. Three different guys, all older, all from Africa, all very forward, all living in my dorm, have been pursuing me since I got here. Two of them are roommates, which is even weirder. All the foreign students give their numbers to everyone here - networking is how we get by in a foreign country - so I didn't think much of giving them my number, but all three of these guys have called and/or texted me to see what I'm up to and if I want to hang out. One keeps calling and texting me late at night to ask if I want to come over and "watch movies" in his bedroom. His roommate just told me today that he wants to take me out to the club. The other is a little more shy and reserved in his approach and told me the other day that "he had something to say to me but he was afraid it was too soon." I gave him a smile and told him politely that maybe it was. And the other day a bunch of Chinese students volunteered to take the foreign students on an orientation around the campus. I ended up in a group with my roommate and four volunteers - two guys and two girls - and my roommate overheard the girls talking about how the guys both really liked me and wanted to date me. Although I seriously doubt their judgement on one guy - I've hung out with him a few times since and I'm convinced he's gay.

Anyway, it's just a bit overwhelming. I don't really have the same feelings for any of the guys. There is this one girl in my dorm, though...she's Thai and doesn't speak English, so we can only communicate in our broken Chinese, but I just get a vibe off of her. I like her and I don't even know her.
stargazer
Yay for epi! It sounds like you are doing fine in China. Also, like you can get still post here on the interwebs. wink.gif
epinephrine
I totally have a best friend crush on my adorable new Chinese gay boy friend, B. He's just such a sweetheart. We've been hanging out pretty frequently and seem to be building a really nice friendship. He gave me my birthday present today, because he was too shy to give it to me yesterday in front of my other friends - he made me a seal with my Chinese name on it, the kind you use to stamp your name in red on calligraphy scrolls and stuff. He's been teaching me calligraphy in his classroom after hours - I'm horrible at it, but he's very patient and we always have a laugh at my diseased-looking characters. He's also great to practice my Chinese with. We basically speak to each other in Chinglish - I try to speak Chinese with him, but I frequently have to use English to ask questions and explain things that aren't in my vocabulary, and he usually speaks to me in English but answers my language-related questions in Chinese. The other night we spoke almost exclusively in Chinese, which was awesome. Some of his classmates were there when we went to the classroom today to practice a bit, and I had a little thrill when I heard one of them say to him (in Chinese) "oh, this is your good friend you told me about?" Awww, it just made me feel so special...

He's so awesome. I wish you could all meet him.
anna k
Yay epinephrine!!! I like reading your updates about life in China, and I am really impressed that you've picked up Chinese so quickly and meeting such interesting people. You're just living such an amazing life, I'm proud of you.
epinephrine
anna_k!!! Girl, where have you been? It's so good to see you on here again!
jade
anna--your posts have been missed
anna k
Thanks jade! I haven't posted much here anymore. Lately I've been busy with two part-time jobs, working on writing assignments, hanging with friends, all that stuff. I haven't had any crushes to post here. I have passing crushes, but nothing that is really big or interesting. I went out on a pretty good date lately, where me and the guy saw a play and hung out and talked. We may see each other again later this week.
buttercups
I've missed you too anna k, you always have such great things to say!
anna k
Aww, thank you buttercups! I enjoy reading your posts as well, you have interesting things to say and are a cool person.
futura
You go, Epi! And you're in China! Man, that's great. I hope you have a lovely time.

Good to hear you had a good date, Anna!

I was procrastinating, reading the archives about what i have posted in here. Some of it was embarrassing, some of it made me laugh out loud. It did show me i'm moving on quite nicely. That whole sorry debacle with fc has completely fizzled out. I don't contact him anymore. Small talk in public, when we accidently meet, is fine, but going out for a drink is not. He asked me to go to a music event with him. I was like 'i dunno'. Which means no, but there's no reasoning with this guy. He calls, but i don't call him back. He even has the audacity to call me in the middle of the night. My ex does that too. I won't be answering those calls anymore.
So no, we're not friends. He will get the memo eventually. I'm not his social worker. I have nothing to say to him anymore.

Alas, no crushes. I had some fb drama with a guy, who turns out to be a reasonably well known record label owner. See the 'frustrated and single thread'.
Lunalu
hate to interrupt to the topic going on here so abruptly, but I've got a question for you all busties:
Has anyone here had a crush on someone impossible? as in someone who is your boss, or teacher, or doctor / therapist?
Gosh, don't know what to think, but I've got the hugest crush on a therapist / alternative med. doctor / student and don't know how to approach to the situation?
Like seeing him once a week makes me excited like crazy, but at the same time hurts like crazy because don't know what to do sad.gif
natulik
It has been centuries since I last posted or lurked around here, but I finally have a seemingly unresolveable boy issue that all my "physical" friends are tired of hearing about it, and I need some outside opinion.. so here I am. This might be long. Sorry.

So...4 years ago I started dating a guy who I wasn't crazy about. I thought a calm happy crazy-less relationship was something I had never had, so it was time to try it out and see how it goes. Big mistake. We stayed together for a very dysfunctional 3.5 years, some of which I spent away doing internships, and refusing to admit that my relationship was falling apart. We moved in together, lived together for less than a year, and I finally gathered the strength to leave him 6 months ago. I was feeling that he wanted to settle down, get a house, have kids, etc, and I still was deeply unsure about our compatibility. I'm euphorically happy about my decision, am thrilled to be living alone again, and can't imagine that I wanted to continue struggling to make it work. All good.

Concurrently...Less than a year into the relationship, I met a guy while working on a project. I was immediately attracted to him on every level, but discarded those feelings as frivolous. It was a short project, he was "way out of my league" intellectually, and I left town shortly thereafter, and assumed that he had absolutely no interest in me in any way. When I came back, over a year later, we ran into each other, realized we have an incredible dynamic, so started working together on things, and became very close friends. I'm pretty sure I spent as much time with him as with my boyfriend, and was definitely much happier around him. I realized I still had a crush on him, but because I wanted to stay faithful to C, and felt extremely guilty about it all, I put a lot of effort into cultivating a friendship and a working relationship (with the hopes of eliminating the crush). It worked, partially, and I gained myself a wonderful friend and colleague. I can't imagine my professional evolution without him now. My entire group of friends now is close to him as well, and he's become a huge part of my life. All good, wonderful, great.

Now the awful part of it all: I still have very strong feelings for him, and have absolutely no idea what to do about it, even though I'm now single. Until a few weeks ago, I did not feel ready for any sort of relationship, so couldn't bring myself to confess anything, not feeling ready for either outcome of it, and not wanting for it to be a rebound. A few weeks ago, he started seeing somebody. Even though it's not serious/exclusive (yet), I can see - as a friend - how much he likes her, and actually can imagine them together - happily. On top of it all, telling him my feelings jeopardizes the entire friendship/colleague dynamic - which has grown out of my crush on him, and which is extremely important to me now. And even though it has been at the tip of my tongue for weeks now, every time I see him, I can't bring myself to say anything, at the risk of it all going terribly wrong. As it probably would. At the same time, I feel like an awful friend, keeping this from him and not letting him make that decision for himself. I certainly don't act distant, and friends have said that it's extremely obvious that I have feelings for him, so I can't imagine him not knowing or guessing or considering it as a possibility... then why is he remaining quiet about it too?

So the whole thing is a giant mess and feels like a soap opera. I'm overthinking it from every possible direction, and feel completely paralyzed and unable to do anything about it, except wanting to be around him at all times.

Advice? Thoughts? Anything?


Synergy
That's a tough one natulik.
The only win-win situation is when you tell him and the feeling is mutual, but your story is clear that it isn't that simple. Are there any clues that he might be interested in you? Finding it out thru your mutual friends?
Friends have a clearer view on that sort of thing. Personally I would drive myself crazy looking for 'signs' and would probably see things that are not there or try to find explanations that put me in a bigger emotional mess then I would already be in.

I'm going to give this some more thought.
Persiflager
(((natulik))) Boo for drama!

I agree with Synergy about not looking for 'signs'. They can all be interpreted in multiple ways, and are a express train for CrazyTown. When I was getting to know my other half, I rejoiced in many subtle signs that I thought meant that he liked me - small things, like eye contact held a fraction too long, that don't bear up to objective scrutiny. Friends politely thought that I was reading too much into them. They were wrong! I've also got at least one very flirty friend that doesn't mean anything by it.

I notice that you said you weren't ready for a relationship until 'a few weeks ago', and that he started seeing someone 'a few weeks ago'. Is there a teensy link between the two? If he hadn't started seeing someone, would you be thinking about making a move? If not, then don't make a move now - it won't work if you're not ready.

Most harsh judgement: do you honestly want him as your boyfriend? Or do you just want him permanently available as your faux-boyfriend, without any commitment on your part? I'm just sayin'.... you've known him three years, and you wait until he starts seeing someone to bring this up? Okay, I can understand not cheating, and not wanting a rebound, but your timing is a little suspect.

Sorry for harshness! But I've done that. It's amazing how much chemistry you can think you have with someone when it's compared to a stale relationship. And given how happy you are being single, I think you should be really honest with yourself.

If none of the above applies, then I think you should talk to him. Go to dinner, acknowledge the crappy timing, but tell him that you have feelings for him. Don't declare your love! Let go of the drama and the back-story, just say that you like him and would like to go on a proper date with him and see where things go. Then leave the ball in his court.

The following scenarios are possible:

1) He likes you too! You date, he dumps the other girl, you have a relationship which may or may not work out.

2) He likes you, but is already seeing this other girl and wants to pursue a relationship with her. You accept that the timing was bad luck, cry a bit, start dating other people and eventually find someone else. Unless they break up and you two strat dating, in which case see 1 above.

3) He's not interested in you romantically. The suckiest of all. But at least you will be sad (which heals with time) and not stuck in drama-craziness (which gets worse with time). Your relationship may change a bit, but I think this is unavoidable - you already have these feelings, and he's aware of them on some level.

Good luck.
natulik

Thank you so much for the harshness. I really needed to be faced with a verbalized version of what's been nagging me. There is a fair bit of truth in what you're saying - not entirely, but just enough to make me question both my judgement and my intentions with all this. That's not to say that we don't have an amazing dynamic, or that I don't really want to be in a relationship with him. He's still one of the most incredible people I've ever met and likely the first guy I could actually imagine myself being with in the long run. But the other stuff makes it more complicated and less 'clean', there are other factors - basically what Persi described - and I want them gone if I decide to act on it. Not sure how to clean the slate, and it's still incredibly hard that he's dating someone, so more clarity on what to do next would be great - but I feel closer to at least understanding the nature of this mess. I guess it helps that I'm leaving for a month next week, and really doesn't help that I'm getting back to Montreal on his birthday.
buttercups
Hey natulik,

sorry to hear about your sucky situation, however i have to wonder like Persi if you are starting to really feel this way now that you know that he is dating someone. Sometimes it does take that push to light a fire under our ass so we actually go after what we want, but there is also a chance that you are only wanting him now because he is technically off-limits. I think it is really good that you're leaving for a month, that will give you some time to do some real soul-searching and try and figure out if he is what you really want or not. If he is, well, it's tricky and I agree again with Persi that then you have to talk to him or it might be something that you always regret. Luckily the relationship is new and there is still time to reveal your true feelings without too much damage being done. If you think hard enough about it and come to the conclusion that this is something you really truly want, then I say it is worth a shot and the worst that could happen is he doesn't like you back and then you're a little humiliated but life goes on right?

Let us know how it works out and best of luck!
zoya
ok. I'm going to post here, because....well, this is where I usually post. yeah, It's been awhile.

so, remember how I have always said in here that I felt that, though life has it's everyday issues that people / couples need to deal with, that the basis for a relationship - the desire to be there, things just flowing, should be easy overall?

well, I'm happy to report that I was fucking right.

and despite the sheer irony of my situation (ie: ALL the things that I said I'd "never" be into: meeting someone via internet, being set up by friends, long distance) it's actually really fucking easy when the other person is 1) a fully formed human being who is comfortable in their own skin and has had their own life and thus 2) knows what they want and that "what" is you.

so there. tongue.gif

Persiflager
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations, Zoya!

Share the hunky, hunky details!
futura
Zoya, i'm so happy for you!!

And you're so right about despite people having issues, the overall flow should be easy. I should know, because i met someone. I'm so glad i met someone who understands my quirks, as he has plenty of his own. I never dated anyone like him before. But i feel so comfortable around him. And the feeling is mutual. He's so...grown up. And hot. And smart, oh my, he's very smart, and that's why i fell for him. Finally someone who's on my level! Yay!

zoya
Kind of in a hurry now, but will write more later..

yes, totally. grown up, cute, VERY smart (I get really hot for sexy brains) funny as shit, quirky - and yes, the MUTUAL feeling is so nice. and yeah, being on my level. I was beginning to think that life consisted of me having to convince someone to like me (although I knew that should never be the case) thank fuck this one came along.

yay for you, futura!! I'm down with two thousand fucking eleven, yo!!





QUOTE(futura @ Jan 10 2011, 09:56 AM) *
Zoya, i'm so happy for you!!

And you're so right about despite people having issues, the overall flow should be easy. I should know, because i met someone. I'm so glad i met someone who understands my quirks, as he has plenty of his own. I never dated anyone like him before. But i feel so comfortable around him. And the feeling is mutual. He's so...grown up. And hot. And smart, oh my, he's very smart, and that's why i fell for him. Finally someone who's on my level! Yay!



stargazer
Sounds like some folks have upgraded to "dating" in here. wink.gif
epinephrine
Yay Zoya!

So I've got a crush on a girl in my dorm that probably won't go anywhere, but I'm enjoying it anyway. She's an adorable, curvy, sexy little spitfire from Brunai. She's friends with the transgirl that lives in the dorms here and I knew she was gay-friendly, so I started dropping hints about myself. Last night we were out drinking and she straight-up asked me if I like girls or guys, so I told her I like both and she said "oh, me too!" She's got a boyfriend, so that's too bad, but I'm still looking forward to some good flirting. We've got a gay bar date after spring vacation, too!
Synergy
QUOTE(epinephrine @ Jan 16 2011, 03:24 AM) *
but I'm still looking forward to some good flirting. We've got a gay bar date after spring vacation, too!


Yay for you and your good flirting, eventhough she has a boyfriend. Someone told me that it is ok to just enjoy, wether it's going to be something or not.

I'm single for almost a year now, although i've been greeving over the whole thing long before i finally broke up with the shitfuck.

So i'm 'out there' just for the fun of it and meeting new people, but this week i met someone on the internet and we talked a bit. Only this guy moved straight past the concertina i've rolled around me so perfectly to safeguard my feelings. I'm telling everyone who wants to hear it i don't need a man and i really believe i don't, but since i had the talk with the concertina-dodger i can't help but thinking maybe he would be someone for me. The thing is i can't get him out of my head. On one hand i would like to follow up on my friends advice and just enjoy it and on the other hand i don't want to get carried away and go on a rollercoasterride as far as my feelings are concerned. Sometimes i wish it could be a littlebit more simple, but i'm afraid the rollercoaster is coming anyway and i have no other choise then to step in.
I have to go now; he's on MSN smile.gif
epinephrine
I'm starting to like a boy in my class - a boy with an intimidatingly muscular build, an Alabama drawl, great taste in music, and a teddy bear demeanor. He's a total sweetheart. I'm such a sucker for contrast. To look at him, he's the last guy you'd expect to compliment your new haircut. Which, of course, he did. When we first started class last semester the teacher had us all write out a bit of poetry from our home countries on the board and do a rough translation. He wrote "The Road Less Taken" - the whole thing - from memory. I'm pretty sure he's got a girlfriend (obviously), but I like him a lot and I wanna get to know him anyway. I do worry about the potential for serious ideological differences, though, given that he's from such a conservative place. Hope that doesn't cause problems.
auralpoison
QUOTE(epinephrine @ Feb 25 2011, 06:58 AM) *
I do worry about the potential for serious ideological differences, though, given that he's from such a conservative place. Hope that doesn't cause problems.

Statements like this? Are why I am always hesitant to tell people where I come from & why I get offended when people say, "NO! You CAN'T be from Kans-ass!" when I do. Just because we come from conservative places doesn't necessarily mean we have conservative mindsets.

I'm not even gonna poke at the other assumptions made therein.
epinephrine
Sorry, AP - I should have stated that more carefully. I'm perfectly aware that he's capable of having his own mindset independent of the place he comes from, and that his beliefs are his own and none of my business anyway. I don't require that everyone I associate with has the same beliefs as me, and I'm fine with encountering differences. That potential is always there with everyone I meet, no matter where they're from. In truth, I suppose I am making judgments based on where he's from. The south is just so infamous for its homophobia, which is obviously more than just an ideological issue for me, that I can't help but feel a little heightened sensitivity about it. Maybe I just sound like I'm making excuses...I dunno, I feel like an ass now.
Petal_Cove
Wow, I can't believe this thread died sad.gif I used to be on here a lot, I went by nakedmolerat, but I couldn't remember my password so I'm back on as Petal_Cove smile.gif

Crushes are so hard. I am not a teenager but I feel like one again, and it's for someone who probably doesn't really have any interest in me. I wish I could stop thinking about him, I don't know what's wrong with me, I've been trying to keep busy, I am clearly not what he is looking for. In all honesty I don't know him very well, but I've always thought he was super cute. And now that he is all grown up, he is more than cute- he's super hot! smile.gif Oh well. I guess this means I just have to channel all this energy into keeping busy with things that are going to benefit my son and me. I think it's time to avoid him, out of sight out of mind, right? eh.

Sending out lots of positive vibes to all you crushies out there.
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