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angie_21
As for the music video.. there's a reason I don't watch mainstream TV or listen to mainstream music. It's an extension of the advertising industry, it's all a big scam, pure unadulterated crap intended to make us feel like shit about ourselves so we go out and spend money on stuff that we think will makes us look and feel better. It has no entertainment value, and certainly no artistic value. I hate to say it, but as long as you are hooked on this stuff, you are going to feel like shit once in a while. It's what this stuff is meant to do. Yeah, there are guys who buy right into it just like girls do, and expect girls to look like that. But they generally aren't people I hang out with. The music video is nothing more than a teenage boy's fantasy, used to sell what in my opinion is a pretty crappy song.

QUOTE(flatgurl @ Jul 11 2009, 09:58 AM) *
no one has ever made me feel this stupid before and i can't tell if its because of the way i look to them or the fact that my interests differ from them or what. its just really hurtful that my own bf cant stick up to me to his friends. am i making too much of this or what? what would you girls think?


Feel free to bring questions like this to other forums here. theres a whole bunch of relationship ones, I don't know how to link to them though. Anyways, it sounds to me like they are trying to make you feel stupid because they know you are smart, and some kinds of guys can't stand that (like the quote strongirl had from utube "hoz is stupid thinkin they important, yall know u just ho'z to us") I've experienced it too when I dated a guy in high school who well, wasn't all that bright (everyone remember twinkie man? this was him. we all do dumb things in high school lol) he took any chance he could to make fun of me when I did an occasional stupid thing, as we all do, because he didn't like feeling dumb next to me. I know it sounds snobby to say it like that, but whatever. It really sucks for your boyfriend to let that happen, but really it sucks that those are the kind of guys he hangs out with. My current boyfriend knows that he would be kicked to the curb so fast if he behaved like that, whooee. Not that he ever would. I can't say, maybe your boyfriend really is a nice guy who just can't stand up to his friends, but that would have been the last time I hung out with his friends. Life's too short to waste it hanging out with idiots.
strongirl
I think it would be nice if your boyfriend stuck up for you, Flatgurl, but it would be more powerful if you stuck up for yourself. You deserve your own protection and respect at the very least. Right now it sounds like you're holding him to a standard you won't uphold yourself, in terms of standing up to those assholes.

And I agree with Angie_21, those so-called "reality" shows can't be helping your self-esteem any, when so many of them are showcases for overblown paychecks, overblown boobs, overblown egos, overblown houses/cars, and overblown needs for attention. I'd suggest diversifying when it comes to "guilty pleasures" - there are so many lovely ones from which to choose! smile.gif



flatgurl
Yea I agree, I have stuck up for myself against these guys a few times but sometimes im just like come on act like my bf! i guess why it hurt so much was because he was commenting on how i look 12- and i automatically equate that with a dig at my small chest. but i do agree with you ladies, and what i should have said was "yea i guess im the hottest 12 year old youll never be able to get" or something like that..dont you wish you couldve come up with those good comebacks when youre in the moment?
Persephone3
Hi, I was wondering if you girls had any opinion how much meaning there is in what guys say to their friends as compared to what they say to you. I know that there are many women that have left guys when they have overheard their guys talk badly about them. Sometimes I wonder if guys (not men) make themselves seem 'manlier' amongst their friends, even though it may not represent how they really feel. Or are they being disingenuous to us? Any thoughts?
strongirl
This is sort of off topic for this thread but in my experience and from what male partners and friends have told me, guys are more open and honest with their women and with their female friends than they are with other guys. For example, every man to whom I have been close has cried in front of me at some point. But I don't think any of them have cried in front of other men.
karategrrl
QUOTE(flatgurl @ Jul 11 2009, 09:38 PM) *
and what i should have said was "yea i guess im the hottest 12 year old youll never be able to get" or something like that..dont you wish you couldve come up with those good comebacks when youre in the moment?

I SO know you feel, gurl. But the ability to have quick comebacks is a skill fostered through years of bullshit. Guys are great at it because so much of what they do is chest-beating and they develop lots of comebacks. You were hurt and probably frozen in that hurt moment, reeling with shock at the unmerited attack. I know the feeling. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I wouldn't hang out with those dicks ever again. And I know it may sound harsh, but it doesn't make your guy sound very good if he just stands there and lets the abuse happen.
angie_21
I consider how my guy acts at any given point in time to be a reflection of who he is. There may be different facets of his personality, and I think I see more than most people, but all the facets add up to a single real person. If they didn't, I would be questioning which parts of his personality were genuine. People always have a choice. There are a small few instances where bad behaviour is at least understandable, such as having to brown-nose a boss, or to not rock the boat to prevent a fist-fight in a bad situation. Hopefully people try to avoid most of these situations in the first place, but sometimes shit happens. But with friends that he *chooses* to hang out with, well, clearly it's his choice to act that way, too.

I've gotten better at come-backs over the years. I've found that it's sometimes mandatory to keep your head above water when you work with mostly men. Sometimes it just takes a few correctly timed insults mixed with flirtation, and guys will forever afterwards smile and do anything you ask of them... and you don't have to be a supermodel to do it! unfortunately it only works with certain men. younger guys aren't gentlemanly enough to play these games.
flatgurl
Yea it does not reflect well on him that he didn't say anything. we ended up getting in a big fight about it after which he apologized profusely and then ended up calling his friends and setting up a boundary. it made me feel a little better, but it doesn't count as much since he didn't do it at the time it was happening.

It also just hurt me alot bc he knows how sensitive I am to comments about how young I look or anything like that bc I automatically think they're talking about my lack of a chest. I brought it up to him last night and told him about why it effected me so much. He was supposed to help protect me from those comments so that I could feel better about myself and I was disappointed to see that didn't happen. I am going to start taking care of myself more and sticking up for myself, hell I don't need a guy to do it!- it just wouldve been nice I guess to have that support.

I'm just getting really sick of people making any sort of comments about my body. I know I'm small, I know I have small-to-no breasts, so I don't need anyone to point it out to me. My whole life I have been getting negative comments about being flat. I wonder sometimes that if no one ever said anything to me about my chest, would I have ever thought anything badly about it? I remember being about 14 or so and living happily in my body and then I remember when my gfs at school started to say how flat I was and that's when I remember the self-consciousness and agony came in. I just wonder how different my life could have been without those comments. Would I even be on here now or would I be completely satisfied with myself and not even ever think anything was wrong with me? I hate how much impact other people can have sometimes.
Persephone3
QUOTE(strongirl @ Jul 12 2009, 03:12 PM) *
This is sort of off topic for this thread but in my experience and from what male partners and friends have told me, guys are more open and honest with their women and with their female friends than they are with other guys. For example, every man to whom I have been close has cried in front of me at some point. But I don't think any of them have cried in front of other men.


I should have mentioned that the guy was complaining to his friends about the size of the girl's chest to his friends. I have to wonder then why would he date her, if breast size is so important. So I just womndered who he was being more genuine with, them or her. (This is an issue that came up on another message board, and was just interested in your thoughts).
anarch
QUOTE(flatgurl @ Jul 13 2009, 03:50 PM) *
Yea it does not reflect well on him that he didn't say anything. we ended up getting in a big fight about it after which he apologized profusely and then ended up calling his friends and setting up a boundary. it made me feel a little better, but it doesn't count as much since he didn't do it at the time it was happening.


Hopefully, now that you've spelled it out for him (often, guys are clueless about these things until we spell it out letter by letter), if that kind of situation happens again, he'll say "Cut that shit out" or otherwise demonstrate that he's sticking up for you. That'll be the test -- will he walk the walk.

Persephone, I've left a guy because the way he talked about me with his friends was like that. Not about my boob size, but if it had been about my boobs I'd have still given him the boot. Yeah, it was all in an old-buddies-bonding-heh-heh kind of way and he didn't really mean it, he was just trying to keep up appearances, but so what. I wanted, was and am worthy of, a partner who honours the great stuff I've got to offer. Honours it in private and among friends. (I mean, "partner" implies supporting and not putting down, right?) I think all women are worthy of that.

I originally came in here to post this. I enjoyed a lot of the answers, the ones about how the total person matters more than one physical trait.
Allison-Shine
QUOTE(flatgurl @ Jul 9 2009, 07:46 PM) *
Allison-Shine, I'm sorry I really do think that you are justified in feeling the way you do because I understand that this culture is obsessed with really large breasts. Just also know that I would love love love to be your cup size and that there are people out there (like me) for whom that is their ideal size. So you should feel good about yourself knowing that some people would kill to look like you!


Thanks flatgurl (gee I feel mean calling you that, LOL) for understanding.

I have been fortunate to have very few negative comments from guys regarding the size of my breasts. Most of the comments come from females in my experience, everything from my 16 year old sister and some of her same-age friends. Its not just about breasts, but height and all the curves that are supposed to make one "womanly" or whatever. There is more to my experiences that I cannot address publicly.

Its tough sometimes when you go swimming or even shopping and see those a almost a decade younger than you (I'm 23) looking as filled out as you if not more. It's not just about breasts, but the whole "package". This should not bug me as much as it should but it does, whatever.

I can't imagine what those who are even smaller than I go through. I should count my blessings, someday maybe I will understand permanently.
strongirl
I know it probably isn't much comfort to you younger chicks bemoaning your small size, breast-wise and elsewhere, but I have to say as a woman who is pushing 50 (I'll be 48 this fall) I have aged surprisingly well and still get mistaken for being in my twenties. I attribute much of this to my smallness, which I think helps a lot in terms of aging well. I still get hit on by guys in their twenties and even, embarrassingly and very uncomfortably, in their teens. It's not a bad deal at all being small, as you go through the decades. I've mostly enjoyed it.

Plus I love it when my boyfriend does the "he-man" routine and throws me over his shoulder and carries me to the bedroom. If I were bigger, he would have trashed his back by now. smile.gif
KeraBear
Wow! Lots happening while I was gone! Great stuff I am reading here. I love you gals. wink.gif

Welcome FLatgurl. I know where you are coming from totally. I get those "you look like a 12-year-old" comments ALL the time and it does get oh so annoying. Like you i've always equated it with comments that I have no breasts and not a woman and I know that's not true! I am a tiny gal, AA cup. And I also feel you on the sister with bigger breasts, only mine is my younger sis (two now). unsure.gif But when we are older, we will apppreciate looking younger! I encourage you to look through these 100 (!!) or so back pages. It's helped me begin to appreciate and love my body for what it is. Hang in there!

To paraphrase Horton Hears a Who - A boobie's a boobie no matter how small! Heh...
MariCat187
I totally understand the "you look SOOOO YOUNG" comments too. But I've gotten better over the years. My boyfriend was talking to this girl we both know, and she tried to throw one at me, saying, "At least I'm not dating a little 12-year-old girl!"

I retorted back, "At least when guys see ME naked, they get hard!"

(True story behind it - My boyfriend's roommate told us that he and said girl were making out, and said girl took off her clothes. Roommate told us, "Yeah.... she got naked.... and...... it wouldn't stand up!" So that's where my reply came from happy.gif)

The girl went completely quiet and didn't say anything more to us. laugh.gif

*goes back to lurking*
angie_21
I just used to get people calling me scrawny when I really, well, wasn't. Just because ONE part of my body was skinny. I always figured they were just trying to "nicely" call me flat because skinny is supposedly a compliment.. right, well, not to me, thanks. I'm now fat and lovin' it, for the most part. if only the boobs had grown to match the hips, I'd be a freakin movie star. Though I do think that having a smaller chest still keeps me feeling and looking much thinner than I really am, and I don't mind that so much anymore

Too bad I don't get the age benefit - most of my friends are older than me, so everyone actually assumes I'm older than I am!
flatgurl
You girls are so right, I know someday when I'm older I'll appreciate looking younger, I guess its just the demeaning way they say it that gets to me. MariCat- that was an awesome comeback, wish I had thought of something like that! Thanks KeraBear, I've def been looking back and it has helped me so far. Ugh the worst comparison to my sister is about to come...my family goes to the beach for a week and my bf is coming too. I'm scared for him to see me in a bikini with my non-existent chest next to my gorgeous DD sister. She is married and all, and don't get me wrong I love her to death and I'm thrilled that she looks HOT and I wouldnt want her to have to suffer through this problem like me, but when I'm next to her it just makes me feel so bad. She always says that I should feel grateful that I don't have to deal with all the crappy attention she gets, but sometimes that makes me feel worse. Like what am I? Am I completely un-noticeable because I have no breasts?? I mean its not that I want negative attention from guys or anything but I hate when people say I should be lucky not to be noticed because I'm obviously that unattractive. I just get so down on myself every summer when this comes up and I really hope my bf doesn't think he picked the wrong sister. AA next to DD- and what makes it worse is that one of her bathing suits is the same as mine but in a different color, so then its even more evident how much worse I look in it. Oh well I'm leaving in a few weeks and I'm going to store up all the strength I possibly can from you ladies so that I can go out there and for once not feel so ugly and invisible.
angie_21
Hey flatgurl, have you checked out the swimsuit links we posted a month or so back, for the monokinis? they're really cool, and seem to be just made to fit & look awesome on girls with lighter chests. Some of them are under $50 too!

The beach is definitely a tough place for girls like us.. I remember feeling exactly like that... but you know, it's just as tough for nearly every other girl out there - while you are envying their bra size, other girls are going to be envying your flat belly and lack of cellulite. Now I just go out there and to hell with what people think, I need to expose my skin so I can get a least a bit of a tan, dammit!

And as far as "attention" goes... one thing about being endowed in the chestal area is that you can see when you are being checked out, and it's really obvious. For those of us with nice legs or heinies, guys are free to check us out when we can't see it happening, and I never knew it was happening until my bf explained this to me. You are not unnoticeable, guys can just be less rude and obvious when they check you out. Also, something about boobies - of any size - just hanging out there for everyone to see does draw the eye, I mean, I'm somehow constantly checking them out too, and it doesn't mean I'm more attracted to girls with big boobs than I am to a man!
Allison-Shine
QUOTE(flatgurl @ Jul 15 2009, 04:49 PM) *
You girls are so right, I know someday when I'm older I'll appreciate looking younger, I guess its just the demeaning way they say it that gets to me. MariCat- that was an awesome comeback, wish I had thought of something like that! Thanks KeraBear, I've def been looking back and it has helped me so far. Ugh the worst comparison to my sister is about to come...my family goes to the beach for a week and my bf is coming too. I'm scared for him to see me in a bikini with my non-existent chest next to my gorgeous DD sister. She is married and all, and don't get me wrong I love her to death and I'm thrilled that she looks HOT and I wouldnt want her to have to suffer through this problem like me, but when I'm next to her it just makes me feel so bad. She always says that I should feel grateful that I don't have to deal with all the crappy attention she gets, but sometimes that makes me feel worse. Like what am I? Am I completely un-noticeable because I have no breasts?? I mean its not that I want negative attention from guys or anything but I hate when people say I should be lucky not to be noticed because I'm obviously that unattractive. I just get so down on myself every summer when this comes up and I really hope my bf doesn't think he picked the wrong sister. AA next to DD- and what makes it worse is that one of her bathing suits is the same as mine but in a different color, so then its even more evident how much worse I look in it. Oh well I'm leaving in a few weeks and I'm going to store up all the strength I possibly can from you ladies so that I can go out there and for once not feel so ugly and invisible.


Well being small chested should not equate to being "ugly". And I thought my "one cup size discrepancy" with my younger sister (she's a C and I am a B ) was a lot to deal with. But I can relate to you. It's best not to spend every moment at the beach with your sis and her hubby and try to get as much alone time with your bf and enjoy the beach and summer.

Its funny, if I go to the pool with my sister I try not to lay next to her. Always be two chaises or spots from her at least. Its a little thing but it helps.
strongirl
Gosh, I can't explain why I feel so differently from some of you, unless maybe it's the age thing and how much more emphasis is placed on boobs nowadays as opposed to when I was younger. But I've never felt unattractive in a swimsuit and I've always attracted an overabundance of male attention at the beach. My small tits have never seemed like a big negative in a swimsuit (or at topless beaches)...but gain 5 lbs and have my thighs jiggling and man, I'm miserable! And similar to Angie's comment, when I've gone to the beach with busty girls they're always bitching to beat the band about their tummies or asses or thighs or how pale they are. There's always something, I think, and it's in all of our best interests to just find a suit we're comfortable in, go on out to the beach, forget about our silly egos, and have fun playing in the sun and water! (Meanwhile, guys are worrying about their hairy backs, or beer bellies, or skinny legs....)


Allison-Shine
QUOTE(strongirl @ Jul 16 2009, 08:54 AM) *
There's always something, I think, and it's in all of our best interests to just find a suit we're comfortable in, go on out to the beach, forget about our silly egos, and have fun playing in the sun and water! (Meanwhile, guys are worrying about their hairy backs, or beer bellies, or skinny legs....)


Well said, that's what its all about.
karategrrl
QUOTE(anarch @ Jul 16 2009, 11:51 PM) *
Persephone, I've left a guy because the way he talked about me with his friends was like that. Not about my boob size, but if it had been about my boobs I'd have still given him the boot. Yeah, it was all in an old-buddies-bonding-heh-heh kind of way and he didn't really mean it, he was just trying to keep up appearances, but so what. I wanted, was and am worthy of, a partner who honours the great stuff I've got to offer. Honours it in private and among friends. (I mean, "partner" implies supporting and not putting down, right?) I think all women are worthy of that.

I second that emotion. I just wish I'd drilled this idea into my head yeeeeaaarrrrs ago--would have saved me a TON of anguish and pain in my life. It's one thing to know something's not quite right in a relationship--it's another thing to put your money where your mouth is and kick the fucker to the curb.

Young ladies, be strong. Don't put up with shit. Better to be in a love relationship with yourself and have your self-respect and dignity intact than put with crap from some asshole, all for the sake of holding a relationship together. And for what?? Sorry--just bitching.

"A boobie's a boobie no matter how small! Heh... "
Cute! Love it!
anarch
I think the age thing has a lot to do with it, on both a personal and societal level. I'm looking at 40 soon, and so glad to be here because I spent all my teens and much of my 20s feeling self-conscious and awkward about everything, but somewhere along the line I eventually got enough self-confidence to feel good about myself inside and out, and enforce my boundaries against bfs (or whoever) who made me feel bad about myself or didn't bring out the best in me. (Actually those two things went along together, most times.)

But I think there's much more emphasis on big boobs now than when I was growing up, and younger and younger girls feel the pressure to measure their worth according to how hot boys find them. Boob jobs are much more common now (giving them away on one of those reality tv shows right? can't really remember because I don't watch much tv). I really admire you younger women who are thinking about the pressures instead of blindly accepting them as the way things are.

karategrrl, "And for what??" is exactly how I feel, too.
flatgurl
Ladies, please send all your strength my way! I'm trying to go out in public without the inserts in my bra tonight. I'm almost about to have a breakdown and I feel so unsexy and unattractive, but god i want to get over this soo bad. I'm going to be the flattest girl out there tonight, but idk i just cant stand feeling this way anymore and i feel like radical exposure therapy might be necessary. i can't believe how utterly flat i am without these inserts in, i mean COMPLETELY flat- no breast tissue to speak of. sometimes i feel like there has to be something medically wrong with me. oh well im gonna try it. wish me luck that i can make it through the night tear-free
flatgurl
ugh ladies i failed. it was just too awful of a sight and too humiliating for me to go out like that. im in such a bad mood now and feel like im going to lash out at my bf just for not understanding, but im going to try really hard to just move on. i cant go out in public the way i am or even close to it. guess im a slave to pounds of padding...
Persephone3
QUOTE(flatgurl @ Jul 17 2009, 06:31 PM) *
ugh ladies i failed. it was just too awful of a sight and too humiliating for me to go out like that. im in such a bad mood now and feel like im going to lash out at my bf just for not understanding, but im going to try really hard to just move on. i cant go out in public the way i am or even close to it. guess im a slave to pounds of padding...


Don't feel like you failed! You didn't. I cannot go out without a bra that at least 'shapes' me. I'm not sure that I would even want to. But I do try and find bras that give me shape without distorting what I have too much. Oddly enough the prettiest bras I found were at Wal-Mart (super cheap too!). I feel as though when I have clothes on (without enhancements) that my chest looks non-existent. Women wear clothes all the time that hide or accentuate what they have (i.e. hip minimizers). What's the difference?
Persephone3
QUOTE(anarch @ Jul 13 2009, 11:31 PM) *
Hopefully, now that you've spelled it out for him (often, guys are clueless about these things until we spell it out letter by letter), if that kind of situation happens again, he'll say "Cut that shit out" or otherwise demonstrate that he's sticking up for you. That'll be the test -- will he walk the walk.

Persephone, I've left a guy because the way he talked about me with his friends was like that. Not about my boob size, but if it had been about my boobs I'd have still given him the boot. Yeah, it was all in an old-buddies-bonding-heh-heh kind of way and he didn't really mean it, he was just trying to keep up appearances, but so what. I wanted, was and am worthy of, a partner who honours the great stuff I've got to offer. Honours it in private and among friends. (I mean, "partner" implies supporting and not putting down, right?) I think all women are worthy of that.

I originally came in here to post this. I enjoyed a lot of the answers, the ones about how the total person matters more than one physical trait.


I also wanted to comment on the link that was posted here. I did too enjoy SOME of the responses that were posted, but many of them are exactly what bothers me. I would prefer that the men who would want bigger breasts just avoid me altogether. Who wants to be with someone that is wishing for something else?
I read one women say (not on this link) that she finds out if a man has a big breast preference on the 1st date. If she finds out he does she enjoys the rest of the date then never sees him again. I just wonder how to bring it up without sounding completely insecure?
angie_21
flaturl, you didn't fail! Going without the extra "support" (even if it is emotional and not actually physical support!) is a big step when you are still learnign to like your body the way it is. It's something I still occasionally have trouble with, just as it can be weird for girls who wear make-up every day to walk out of the door without foundation. We create an image for ourselves of what we feel we look like, and when the person in the mirror doesn't match that, we feel like we haven't met up to the standards we've set for ourselves. Instead, try to focus on things that have absolutely nothing to do with boobs to start out - loving your body by showing off your legs with killer shoes or shorts, or doing something fun and cool and physical like backpacking, rock climbing, canoeing, whatever. Anything to help your brain stop focusing on your chest. If you need the psuh-up bra to help you feel more secure so it's not on your mind, you're not being weak. You must learn to walk before you can run, or however they say it. It will take time to change how your mind sees your body, and once you've become more comfortable with yourself, then you can focus on showing that self to the world.

On the other topic - I dated a boob man once, and never again. Sure you could be emotionally compatible (we weren't anyways), but I actually have noticed there tends to be a certain type that prefers boobs and a certain type that prefers legs or booties, and the boob men just aren't my type at all. In my experience, anyways, they tend to like to be "mothered" and taken care of, and are the more traditional, homebody type. A massive generalization, I know, but it's how I see it. Even if I met a man whole was completely my type for every other reason, if I knew that he really preferred another body type, I'd always be insecure, and I would also know that the physical chemistry would never be quite right. But I also know there's not nearly as many breast men out there as everybody thinks!

on the other hand... brought up the subject with my boyfriend and he said he really doesn't understand the whole "typing" thing in the first place. He said, every girl has a feature (or 2 or 3) that stands out and makes her beautiful, and that is what you appreciate as a man checking out a woman. He loves it all, and he still believes most men out there do too. It's certainly held true in my experiences.
karategrrl
angie_21, I coudlnt' have said it all better myself.

Flatgurl, most people wear certain types of undergarments for one reason or another, for better shape, support, or whatever. Large-busted women usually wear bras to feel "supported," as do many men who wear jockey-style underwear. My ex used to wear a certain pair of bikini briefs when he wanted his pecker to stand out. rolleyes.gif Don't feel pressured--inner change will produce outer action, and all in its own time. Don't force it. Though I MUST say, just your being aware and your deciding to try and go braless, In my opinion, takes MAJOR guts. I admire you for that--whether or not you actually did it doesn't matter. You are going through big changes, gurl.

Soapbox rant of the day:
I used to beat myself up over stuff that bothered me--body issues, relationship issues, personal issues--thinking, "This is stupid, there are people out there with REAL issues--surviving war, rape, disability," etc. then I read something that totally changed my thinking. It was in a book written by a psychologist who had treated lots of people who were survivors of war, etc. Over and over, this psychologist noted that though these people had been through hell, what they wanted to talk about was the same shit we all talk about. It was like, "Well, I met this guy at the internment camp, and I'm afraid I'll never see him again when they ship us out to different places," or "I love this guy, but our families arranged for him to marry my sister," and such. In college, I knew someone with spina bifida, and her biggest concern was that she had a crush on her van driver who brought her to school (she couldn't drive), and she was afraid to tell him b/c she feared his rejecting her.

Though the outside factors may differ, our inner battles are essentially the same. Point being, flatgurl (and though I tend to ramble, I do have a point here), don't battle your self-image and deal with your BF and then beat yourself up again over doing so, thinking it's "stupid." It's not. I am totally NOT minimizing the "bigger" problems in the world--and there are tons of them--but you are dealing with big shit here right inside yourself. THAT'S brave, gurl. Give yourself some credit.

And not to bust your butt, but you really should get a new screen name wink.gif. How about "so hot and sexy I don't even need big tits?" or "tiny and tasty?" wink.gif <<<hugs>>>
auralpoison
I was looking for something this morning & stumbled across this, dunno if it's been posted before, but it annoyed the ever-living snot out of me: Your Free Boobs. I haven't seen either the MTV show or the BBC doc, but the article is right in that this kind of thing raises a LOT of questions.

It makes me want to start YourFreeReduction.com to see if I can get strangers to pay for other strangers reduction surgeries.
girl_logic
karategrrl your post made me smile.

and to Angie's and Persephone's posts, it's true, not all men (or women) are gaga over breasts, and the ones that are i'm just not interested in in that way. too much work. why suffer when there are so many other choices, not only in partners but in areas of one's own body to focus on?
buttercups
Hey ladies, I took your advice and switched my username from flatgurl to buttercups. you're right it was a self-deprecating name. so ill be posting under this from now on. I guess it wasn't such a failure but it sure felt like one at the time. I'm so sick of wearing these damn inserts but I can't seem to find an alternative that makes me feel like i look decent. yesterday i went out and tried to find padded bras that would help so i didnt have to wear the inserts, but they were all weird and made my chest look pointy- very unattractive so if anyone has any good padded bras to make a AA look like a small B please let me know.

Karategrrl thank you so much it seems like everyone in my life (including me sometimes) tries to minimize this breast issue i have. it does seem so stupid when other people have more serious things to worry about, like breast cancer, but to me it is a deformity and it is so hard to find people who understand. I can't really talk to anyone in my life about it bc they either respond with "well at least you dont get attention" (which, im sorry, doesn't exactly make me feel better abotu myself) or they say there are a lot worse things in life and who cares about boobs (well it would be easy not to if i looked like you and i had them).

Angie_21 and Persephone3, thank you too for your posts, its so nice to have this support and you girls are making me re-think the way i feel about myself, which is something ive really really needed.

As far as the topic on dating boob guys, i don't know how any of you ladies do it. I don't think its something I could ever do. I once found out that a guy i was dating was looking at porn and it crushed me. i guess if youre really secure with yourself you could do it, but i would always feel unwanted. i spend half my time now wondering if my bf is really a boob guy and if hes attracted to me at all. he has erectile dysfunction at 24 and even though most of the time i know its not my fault and hes just nervous, i always seem to take it personally. like if i had boobs maybe i would be able to turn my own bf on. this issue is just wearing on our relationship so much that at this point its like neither of us wants to have sex- he doesnt because hes so nervous and i dont because im so self-conscious and hurt. everytime we talk about it he says its not me, but i cant help but think it is. i mean i know im supposed to think there are other parts about me that can be sexy and everything, but i dont have boobs to shove in his face when he just can't seem to get it up, i have nothing. it makes me feel so much like less of a woman and i guess in my twisted mind ive convinced myself that he just finds my flat chest too ugly to even get turned on by me. i really love him and hes the first person in my life that i could see myself being with, but at this point im so messed up that i just want to get away from every guy on this planet. i want a relationship and i want to be happy, but i cant seem to be happy in this body if i have to show it to another person. alot of times i just think im never going to let him see me naked again, and that makes me feel better for awhile- but it doesnt always last and then i go to get intimate with him and he just cant seem to get interested for me. i mean not to give too much information but one time we went away on vacation and i was excited because we dont have much time alone since we both live at home for school. we were going to have a nice romantic evening with wine and a jacuzzi tub and he was ready to have sex if you know what i mean. but as soon as i took my clothes off and was in front of him it was like an instant buzz kill and he just couldnt get it up. if i had boobs would this reallly happen? i doubt it. i cant blame him he wants to be with a woman and i cant seem to get my body to cooperate with that. sorry i went on for so long, all of these issues are so pent up with no one to really talk to about it. i hate to be the downer on this forum but im not as far along as all of you in feeling comfortable with myself. i hope i can get a lot of my frustrations out on here and some day get to be confident like many of you.
karategrrl
buttercups (luv the new name!), don't automatically assume your BF's issue is caused by you. I'm no authority, but I do know that often men give themselves such unbelievable performance anxiety it causes the very thing they fear.

My first BF had a major sex hangup and since he was my 1st I had no other point of reference and couldn't believe how people loved sex so much. A couple of years and a new BF later, I found out BF#1 had what they call retarded ejaculation--it could take him like an hour to come--and he still had the issue after me, so it was NOT me causing it.

Not to say "it's all his fault," but it really may not be what you think. Maybe he should see a urologist or try a few sessions with a mental health counselor, if it is indeed an anxiety thing. Also, you are both young, in the grand scheme of things. Sex DOES get better with age, trust me on that. wink.gif
strongirl
Buttercups, my bf used to have occasional bouts with ED, most likely due to some inherited cardiovascular issues. In the years before we became monogamous to each other, it was worse with me than with any of his other partners, which made me insecure. We also had a couple awful experiences like yours, where we hadn't seen each other for months, scheduled a big night at a nice hotel with champagne, toys, lingerie etc...and when it came time to get down, it wouldn't get up. Not fun for anyone.

Subsequently as we got closer and more secure with each other, it happened less and less. Now it never happens (or hasn't in several years). We haven't really discussed it, but I think he had more problems with me because he was in love with me and somewhat intimidated by my sex life and other lovers, and it made his performance anxiety go through the roof. He was so worried about pleasing me, and losing me, that he couldn't focus on pleasure. I've always loved that he really tries hard as a lover - he works at it and I like that. But the same mentality can go too far and make sex a test, which is a total erection killer. I bet this is more what your boyfriend is experiencing, not a lack of desire for you or your body.

I have a friend who handled it really well when her new lover lost his erection when she took her clothes off, and confessed he had ED (by the way, she's very large breasted and has since had a major reduction, if that matters to ya). She said "Well, that's no reason why you can't give me pleasure. Your fingers and tongue are still working, right?" They proceeded to have a good time and after a few of these types of episodes, he started getting and keeping erections because hey, the pressure was off. I thought her response was brilliant.


chicaloca
Hey girls, I'm new!

I'm not exactly small chested (small B cup), but I was very touched by buttercups' posts. Especially her last one. It just shows ya how much society can negatively impact us... and what a huge toll it has. So much that sometimes it can prevent us from enjoying the greatest joys in life. Fuck society and the media. Heh, they piss me off with their crap, which can affect anyone in any aspect, really. Ok, rant over.

Buttercups, honey, I'm not a man so I know nothing about ED. But I agree with strongirl and karategrrl, it's usually about anxiety. From what I've heard (or read), some guys get ED issues BECAUSE they're so attracted/in love with the girl that they feel like they may disappoint her. I think what strongirl's friend did was brilliant. Guys can be very sensitive about their performance, so maybe he just needs a little confidence boost. Just try to be supportive, because I really doubt it means he doesn't find you attractive.

As I said, I'm not really that small, but I've also let society affect me sometimes, and I've also taken some stuff personally. Yeah, I know, it's easy to just blame society, but they truly piss me off. Their standards make a lot of people self conscious, insead of promoting self-acceptance. Like some posters from the large breasted forum said, the wonderful thing about this thread is that it promotes body love. Yeah, small breasts rock, as a girl I think AAs are freaking hot! I just think about what my body is capable of doing and making me feel whenever I get down about it, be it because of small breasts (and a lovely top doesn't fit!), cellulite or hairy legs.

Anyway girls, great thread going on here, very positive, made my day smile.gif
buttercups
Thanks so much again for all of your wonderful responses. Karategrrl, you're right about having him seek some mental health- I know its not really a physical issue because it works when hes on his own..just not when hes with me. I have suggested it before but for whatever reason he just hasn't acted on it yet, probably from embarrassment. But youre right I shouldnt just assume its from me, even though thats been so challenging when he can stay hard until the moment i take my clothes off...

Strongirl that is awesome what your friend did! Haha if only I had the balls to do something like that. I guess I'm just so set in the ways of this society that the girl's pleasure doesn't really matter. Of course I know thats not true, but I guess i value my own self so little that I couldn't have that kind of strength. I have heard that that is one way to get over it though- by not having sex and just making him focus only on you. I guess that scares me because I don't want him to focus only on me..maybe then he'll be even more focused on how flat I am and how much he wishes I looked like someone or anyone else. My mind is so twisted I know. Maybe its something I need to work on.

Chicaloca, thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot. I should try to be more supportive, I'll have to try that next time instead of instantly getting upset and taking it personally like I usually do. "Fuck society and the media"- damn right!! I wish so much I could get their stupid crap out of my head!! Stupid boobs!!
chicaloca
QUOTE(buttercups @ Jul 20 2009, 06:21 PM) *
I should try to be more supportive, I'll have to try that next time instead of instantly getting upset and taking it personally like I usually do. "Fuck society and the media"- damn right!! I wish so much I could get their stupid crap out of my head!! Stupid boobs!!


I totally understand. It's really hard sometimes not to be all personal about it. Really hard... its just one of those things that well, it's hard to find a balance about. I really understand, and it's easier said than done, not taking it personally. I really think that strongirl's friend really managed it perfectly. Show him just how good he is at pleasuring you without a penis being involved... really it may work, and if it doesn't then you'll at least have some fun time, heh.

This is just my opinion, but sometimes I feel like guys are also too affected by the media. Like they think that sex is about the penis. That's what's culturally ingrained in their minds, anyway, and that size matters. It's really sad, because sometimes guys get expectations that have no base in reality and that makes them not enjoy sex as much.

I really hate the media, eh? Maybe I should take it less seriously, though. blink.gif
angie_21
QUOTE(karategrrl @ Jul 20 2009, 01:01 PM) *
Also, you are both young, in the grand scheme of things. Sex DOES get better with age, trust me on that. wink.gif


Sooooooo true. Buttercups (yay! love it) just remember to take it a day at a time, we all have setbacks but you will get there. The fact that you know you don't have to feel the way you do means you can get there, even if it takes time to de-program your brain.

Hi chicola, good to meet you!

As far as the sex thing goes.. if you look up my posts on other threads you can see that I've been going through some pretty personal problems of my own. after all this time dealing with my outer physical appearance, my inner physical body has started to get all weird on me instead. it's like a never ending battle some days. still, these things can be worked with, I'm a success story so far! But the "ED," it can happen to people for a lot of different reasons. I dated a virgin (who kept it a secret until we broke up) and he absolutely could not get it up the first time we did it, and we tried everything. it was up before, but when it came time for real action... well, another example of too much pressure for the little guy to handle. The next time things were fine. And when he finally fessed up 3 years later, it all made a lot more sense! It is not you physically, but you are both putting a lot of pressure on this. Not only does he embarass himself if he can't get it up, he knows he will hurt your feelings. One of the only things I've learned from daytime TV is that the way to solve sexual problems in a relaitonship is to take ALL the focus away from the actual act of penetration, and concentrate on everything else you can do to eachother. Not just for your pleasure, but his as well (then you don't have to feel like you're asking for anything, it's reciprocal!)
strongirl
QUOTE(buttercups @ Jul 20 2009, 06:21 PM) *
I guess I'm just so set in the ways of this society that the girl's pleasure doesn't really matter.


OMG, that comment is totally upsetting to me. In a way, it demonstrates that the power of American media and commercialism is as strong and oppressive as any fundamentalist religion that removes girls' clits or shrouds their entire bodies in burqa's...only it's operating strictly through our own minds. Buttercups, I just want to give you a big hug right now. Don't let those assholes steal your orgasms!

Chicaloca, I think stuff like this totally validates your hatred of the media/culture.

Buttercups, your pleasure from sex matters! It matters to me and I don't even know you. You, and all females, deserve every bit as much pleasure and satisfaction from sex as males get. Sex is here for us to enjoy, not for us to "qualify" for by having "perfect" bodies (perfect as defined by the media). Give yourself a break. Start focusing on your own enjoyment, not whether or not you measure up to someone else's sexual ideal. You have a right to pleasure like all other living creatures and it takes nothing away from anyone for you to get that.

As an added bonus, this could actually help a lot with your bf's ED. Guys get aroused by seeing a girl's arousal, and if you're mired in thinking about how you look rather than how you feel inside, your own arousal and enjoyment are going to be impaired. Help yourself and you will most likely help him, too.

I am sending you positive, sex-loving, self-loving energy vibes through the airwaves!

P.S. Recommended reading: anything by Betty Dodson.
angie_21
To further what strongirl said - you clearly know that it's our society's strange concepts about sexuality that are making you feel this way, which makes me think you hopefully at least know that you do deserve to be sexually satisfied & liberated, you just don't know how. That's something every girl has to struggle with, I think. I think you should take some time to yourself to fantasize, think about what YOU want that would make you more excited to have sex again. Not what you want to look like, but what you want your guy to do to you and for you. Then tell him! It's hard to bring the magic back once it's started to disappear, but building intimacy in ways that don't involve sex, or even taking your clothes off, can be a lot of fun. Flirting, making out, teasing and all those other things that people usually stop doing after they've been in a relationship for a while are still important later on. You can also think of bringing up this subject in this thread.

In the end, like strongirl said, seeing you turned on and having fun (instead of being self conscious and miserable) is probably the #1 thing your guy would like in bed right now. I know that it's not something you can just turn on and off by thinking about it (I wish it was!), but as far as I know, one of guys' favourite things to see is a girl all worked up and turned on. NOT a bored or uninterested girl with big boobs and a flat stomach. It's not just about what someone's body looks like, but about things that are viscerally sexy, and felt instinctively instead of visually and through the filter of our cultral ideas abotu sex. ...Did that make sense?
edie52
That made a helluva lot of sense, angie, well said!
buttercups
Thanks girls, you are all so wonderful and soo right! I know I need to change and strongirl your comment about how i need to focus on my own enjoyment rather than measuring up to someone's ideal really changed my perspective. I know that if I could act like I was more turned on then maybe it would make a difference. If I felt like I was sexy at all I think I could do it- and I know that that can come from within I just have to somehow find a way to do it. What do you girls do when you're not feeling particularly sexy? I know that sometimes buying lingerie and stuff can help, but Ive never been able to really find anything "hot" in my size and beyond that I pad (A LOT) so it would be hard to wear something that fits bc it makes me look so..deflated. He's never actually seen me transition from shirt to bra to bare chest because of the inserts. As ridiculous as this sounds I actually make him close his eyes when we have sex so that I can undress on my own and not have to worry about him seeing silcone pads in my bra- I know it sounds so unhot and ridiculous when I say that. I just can't bear the embarrassment of him seeing the pads in my bra even though he knows theyre there. I introduced it to him once when we were on a trip alone and there was no way around it. I made it a joke and was like "I have to put my boobs on now" and even let him play with them, but that was awhile ago and I haven't pointed it out since. Plus it wouldnt exactly be sexy having him take the pads out of my bra and then take my bra off. God if there is anyone younger or thinking about padding their bra this is my advice to you- DONT DO IT! You will not only get addicted to it like I have and feel incomplete without it, but others will get so used to you looking like that that you just can't turn back. I'm currently trying to transition to a regular bra with a little padding built in, but if any of my friends or anyone were to see it they would notice the drastic difference since I'm COMPLETELY flat like this and I look like a B cup with my padding in (im really a small small AA).

on a slightly different note my older sister was over my house today and as much as I love her soo sooooo much it can be sooo incredibly hard to be around her. Her body is just so...perfect. Still doesn't make sense how she can be a DD and I can be a AA and we can be full biological sisters. Whenever I feel my insecurities rise around her I always try to tell myself how happy I am that she looks like that and that she doesn't have to deal with these issues and feel bad about herself. I try to think of it as my secret sacrifice, like I will take this pain and struggle with the low self-esteem so she doesn't have to. It sounds crazy but it makes me feel better in some weird way. It's not even that I'm jealous of her fantastic body (well dont get me wrong I'd LOVE to look like that), but its more of a longing feeling like I'm missing out on something. I don't have to have a perfect skinny body like hers with big breasts, just the imperfect body I have with SOME breasts. One of the few times we talked about it she said I should be happy that I don't get all this 'attention" but like i've mentioned before sometimes that only makes me feel worse like no one should ever notice me. It doesn't help that we also look almost identical in the face and people always say things like "you two look almost exactly alike, except...." we all know what that except is! I dont know why I can be ok with myself one minute and then as soon as she pops over I'm like reminded of what I don't have. I love her to death and I am so glad shes gorgeous and would never ever wish this on her, but I wish sometimes that I could have at least a B cup if shes a DD. I just think of all the problems she doesnt have and cant relate to since our bodies are completely different. She has a wonderful sex life and has never once had to be ashamed of her body when shes in bed with her husband. True I could have that too if I tried hard enough, but she just doesn't have to work at it -the confidence is there much more naturally. In fairness I'm quite a bit tinier than her- Im a size 0 and shes probably a 2-3 (so she's still really tiny) and I know she doesn't think shes perfect, but she doesn't struggle with any body problem on nearly as high a scale as I do. She is proud of her body- and who wouldnt be lookin like that?? She can not relate to me at all on this level and has just told me before to just buy underwear that makes me look sexy -but easier said than done right? Ugh I don't know why this post is so long or why it has gotten to me so much and brought tears to my eyes. Guess that means its time to stop for now or youll all be reading a small novel and I'll be bawling. Sending my love to all of you!
Allison-Shine
Wow a lot of material to read and digest but bottom line good new name you chose buttercups. Much better choice, glad you find us helpful.
strongirl
Buttercup, I keep wanting to hug you. Please don't cry. You are going through some very important and positive changes and you're doing a great job!

Angie had some great suggestions and I think it would be very helpful (and hopefully fun) for you to focus on your own fantasies and pleasure right now. That was part of why I recommended Betty Dodson - she's got wonderful books on how to enjoy sex more - solo (ie. masturbating), in a couple relationship, and in non-traditional open relationships.

You don't have to answer this if you feel self-conscious but I wonder if you touch your breasts when you masturbate. I bet if you give some love and pleasure to them yourself, they'll feel better to you, in every way. Play with them when you're alone and do things that make them feel good. Look at them naked in the mirror and see them as the sexy, sensitive, erogenous zones that they are. Love them. Please them (rather than expecting them to please others). They deserve it and so do you.

Allison-Shine
QUOTE(strongirl @ Jul 21 2009, 07:29 PM) *
Buttercup, I keep wanting to hug you. Please don't cry. You are going through some very important and positive changes and you're doing a great job!

Angie had some great suggestions and I think it would be very helpful (and hopefully fun) for you to focus on your own fantasies and pleasure right now. That was part of why I recommended Betty Dodson - she's got wonderful books on how to enjoy sex more - solo (ie. masturbating), in a couple relationship, and in non-traditional open relationships.

You don't have to answer this if you feel self-conscious but I wonder if you touch your breasts when you masturbate. I bet if you give some love and pleasure to them yourself, they'll feel better to you, in every way. Play with them when you're alone and do things that make them feel good. Look at them naked in the mirror and see them as the sexy, sensitive, erogenous zones that they are. Love them. Please them (rather than expecting them to please others). They deserve it and so do you.



I can speak for a lot of strongirl's post. Focusing on my own fantasies and pleasure has more than helped me get by, buy thrive too. I do touch my breasts while masturbating too. Despite my insecurities about their size in comparison to others, I do derive great pleasure from them.


Very good post strongirl. You said things that I would have not had the courage or thought to post. I will have to check out Betty Dodson's works as well.
angie_21
Buttercups, honey, I want you to slow down your thinking and realize some of what you're saying. I know you are learning and these things take time, and I am happy to see that you are changing some of your ideas already. But there are so many destructive thought patterns in what you are saying, for instance that your sister doesn't have to be ashamed of her body, but you are. You don't have to be ashamed of your body. You just don't. The idea we should be ashamed of our body is an archaic religious belief used to control people in the past, and used as part of the advertising industry in the present. It's so so wrong, and it's hurting you. I can guarantee that this shame you feel is not even about your physical appearance anymore, it's something you've internalized as part of yourself.

When I am starting to get down on myself, I usually wallow for a bit, then get up and do something completely unrelated. yoga, cooking, reading a book, watching a movie, whatever. Then I'll dress myself a bit more the next day, wear some make-up, put on my sexy booty pants, something that isn't the thing I was feeling ugly about the day before. Or call up my friends and go out and remember that there are so many more important things I need to do in life than care about how I look! When I genuinely want to feel sexier, lingere can help - Do you own some stockings, a garter belt, and some nice heels? wink.gif
chicaloca
Sometimes, just talking about it helps. We need to vent sometimes in order to feel better, so it's part of the process that you come here and post, buttercups. Crying about it is normal too. I've always thought people underestimate crying (maybe because I'm a crybaby, lol). I too wish I could hug you.

I know what it feels like getting hung up on just one aspect of oneself, and I also know what it feels like loving your sister to death, but comparing yourself and feeling you come up short. She's really smart, and sadly people have compared us, subconsciously maybe, even our parents. For example, she has a better temper than me. And my mom has let me know that a lot of times, which has made me lament that I'm not as nice as she is. And I end up comparing myself. For instance, we both participated in an essay contest in our faculty. She won, and everyone was going on and on about how smart and great she is. It took me a long time to get over it and realize that I'm just as capable and as smart. But I constantly beat my self up thinking she was smarter, and that I wasn't a good enough writer. I forgot about the things that made me different and unique... yes, we're sisters, but we're both unique, special, and smar in our own ways. Yes, she wins all the prizes. I've never got any prize. But I'm in a band, have written a couple of songs myself and had a blast playing small gigs. We're talented in different ways.

I think sometimes we take our bodies for granted. We fixate on the one thing we don't like, and forget all the other great stuff we have. I bet you have a very sexy stomach, very sexy legs, a very sexy butt... and most likely a gorgeous face. Plus - and I know I should take my own advice - just because we don't like something about ourselves, it doesn't mean that there is indeed something wrong with it, or that a body part is ugly. It's true that we're our own worst critics.

And yes, take the advice the other busties have given you - focus on your pleasure too. Your body is not only beautiful, but it's able to make you feel wonderful.

On an unrelated topic, I totally have a girl-crush on Agyness Deyn... she's so beautiful and hot.
http://fashionista.com/images/Agyness%20Deyn%20pose.jpg
starship
I only just realised that i never ever touch my breasts or even try to get any pleasure from them. I just don't associate them with pleasure.
I tried phone sex a few times with an ex and whenever he mentioned doing anything involving my boobs it totally turned me off

I posted a nakee pic of agyness a while back. hot
buttercups
God I wish I had come to this forum sooner, you all are really a godsend! I typically try not to involve my breasts much either, but that's because it mainly reminds me of how ugly i think they are. Maybe I do need to try to incorporate it more, and I do have a more positive story tonight..

I was with my bf last night and we were talking about breaking up. I told him a lot about how I felt and it was pretty much decided that we wouldn't be together bc I felt like I needed to take the time to build my self-esteem a little. After we finished talking he all of a sudden just kissed me really aggressively (and hot) and it was like that was it. We started making out like crazy and before I knew it clothes were coming off. One of the best things about it was that I was wearing just a regular slightly padded bra so there were no silcone inserts to worry about. He could actually take my bra off without me freaking out and making him close his eyes so that I had time to take all that padding out. It was amazing just to be in that moment and not worry about my padding for once. I was still feeling self-conscious and we started to have sex and then he looks at me with this really serious look and says "I love your body". I felt so shy and embarrassed that I just put my head down on his shoulder and he whispered it twice more in my ear. Then he said "I could stare at your naked body all day long" and he was looking directly at my (not-so-existent) breasts. I felt really shy again, but it also made me feel like maybe he doesnt hate my body. He also pays a lot of attention to my chest during sex, which I never quite understood but of course have never exactly argued with him about it. When all that excitement was over I was laying next to him and he told me to look him in the eye and he said "youre really beautiful". Well after all that I decided that I'm not going to give this guy up, so the breakup was off. He also told me that he likes the way I look much better without all that padding and that he loves just being able to feel my chest with these new bras. Of course I think it looks awful and expected him to be not so happy at how completely flat they make me look, but he really seems to like it better and kept on grabbing my chest through my clothes bc he could actually feel it. I hope all you girls have someone make you feel the way that he made me feel last night, and if you havent yet then just know theyre out there bc if i can find one anyone can! <3 <3

p.s. I also wore the barely padded bra all day today and went out and ran errands and though I felt self-conscious I was able to do it.

p.p.s. thanks ladies for helping me to find a little bit of confidence, hopefully there will be a lot more to come
angie_21
aww wow buttercups that is awesome! I love that story smile.gif That's a lot of good news all at once. It is good to get these things out in the open once in a while. Often guys don't like to talk about what how they think about our bodies at all because they're afraid of getting themselves in trouble by accidentally saying something to offend us, when they really meant to say something nice! Things will get better, you are on the right track! just remember to keep loving yourself, and that there is so much more to you than your appearance. Once you stop judging yourself based on your appearance, it is a lot easier to realize you were beautiful the whole time anyways.

I have had the opposite problem with guys when it comes to attention for "the girls". I loooove having my breasts touched, they're quite senstive (less so since getting my nipples pierced though, I love how it looks but I wouldn't really recommend it). Anyways, one guy I went out with ignored them in bed, to the point that I had to tell him to freakin give them some attention already. He said that he never meant to ignore them, but he was usually focusing on my beautiful legs instead. Nice enough, and he never disliked my boobs, but my current guy is much better, he just plain loves my boobs and can't get enough of them. Every morning when he wakes up he snuggles close to me with his face between them, and that usually leads to more attention, which is not good when we need to get up and got to work! (And I would like to repeat, I am a 36AA!)
edie52
Buttercups, I just wanted to chime in and say I've been following this thread (and have posted here quite regularly in the past). I haven't posted lately because you've been getting great advice from everyone else, but one thing I wanted to suggest is that maybe you should try to replace the negative vocabulary in your head with something more positive. For example, the word "flat" has really negative connotations, and suggests that something is lacking (same goes for words like unwomanly, ugly, childish, etc.). I recently saw these naked photos of Evan Rachel Wood on Fleshbot (beware, link is porny), where they described her body as "lithe," which I think is a sexy and relatively positive word for our body type.

It sounds like your boyfriend loves you and is really attracted to you; try not to second guess it, but also try not to find all of your validation through his approval. My boyfriend also loves my body, and doesn't see "what the big deal is" with big breasts, but he still gets very disheartened when I'm lacking confidence. Knowing that he finds me sexy and that my body type is in fact his ideal is not enough, because true confidence has to come from within. I agree with everyone here that confidence and knowing what you want in bed will improve your sex life more than anything else.

I also like this model, she's Romanian-Canadian. I don't think any of us should get into the habit of always looking to actresses and models for validation, because there's always the trap of "yeah, she's small too, but she's gorgeous/rich/famous/whatever and I'm not," but I do like seeing sexy images that I can see myself in, they give me a reference when I'm looking in the mirror or fantasizing. Click back through the thread for other photos that some of us have posted. Or just google Charlotte Gainsbourg, Lou Doillon, Selma Blair, Milla Jovovich, Jane Birkin...
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