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treehugger
Spot on-no pun intended, but I think your last post is Spot On! LOL! I've posted before that I'm a solid B-cup...but it's a TIGHT 38 band size-perhaps coming up on a 40. When I was a 32-34 band size I was an AA to an A. I felt better before-my boobs may be bigger now, but so is my waist, my abdomen, my hips...

Damn the beer anyway...I'd love to lose the thirty or so pounds that I should.

And...that sounds self-hating. I really don't hate myself/my body. Just saying I was a little happier as a 32-34 A-AA, than I am as a 38-40 B.
Aithinne
QUOTE(strongirl @ Dec 24 2009, 08:16 AM) *
Buttercups, your paragraph below is one of the best bits ever posted in here on the cuteness issue. And you are SO right - it does have a fundamental and visceral appeal that people respond to in a very positive way. Men ARE attracted to cute women like us, so let's enjoy it, respond playfully and flirtatiously, and just have fun with it! It is as you say, very shocking and exciting when a cute girl acts naughty and sexy! Enjoy!


I don't understand how it could have a visceral appeal, per se... Maybe my definition of visceral is wrong. I've just never heard of 'cute' inspiring erections. Gah, I think I just hate it because sex is very important to me, I love it soooo much, and that word makes me feel like I can't express that part of myself, that I can't have and enjoy the sex I want. The word just doesn't make me feel sexy in the slightest, like sexy is an R-rated movie and I'm too young to get in that club. Then I start feeling insecure, being surrounded by stunning women, and then I end up in a wacky depression for days that is extremely hard to snap out of. I'm really going to try not to think about the whole stupid matter over the holidays, but it may rear its cute ugly head again on New Year's Eve, since I'm actually going out on the town that night. But I have a guy friend who is willing to help me at least dress in a way that suits what I'm trying to achieve- not whore-ish, but definitely not pedofile-fodder. Maybe if I pull it off I can get a New Year's kiss on midnight...we'll see.


I do agree that you're much better now Buttercups, compared to many of your previous posts. I'm glad too. The other ones make me want to fly wherever you are and give you big hugs. On the in-shape issue vs. boobie volume issue, I think however makes you feel best and healthiest, you should go with that one. I'm sure consuming unhealthy food or having other unhealthy habits makes you feel bad, and that's an issue you can actually do something about. Granted, you may have to sacrifice a little boobie volume, but I think you'll be better off in the long run by sticking to healthy eating and excercise routines.
Aithinne
QUOTE(buttercups @ Dec 23 2009, 08:22 PM) *
I do get called cute all the time and sometimes it still bothers me ( I think my bf is the biggest offender. The other night he told me that cute is just "who I am" and I won't be able to get rid of it no matter what I do). I'm a tiny girl..errr woman...with a young looking face and a tiny chest. That is who I am, I can't do shit about it.


Buttercups, I think it's depressing (from my POV) that the bf thinks cute is just what you are and you can't get rid of it. I guess i just wish I could choose how I am perceived by people on first impression, but I guess it is impossible. It makes me frustrated though. I think the only way I could get rid of it is to start smoking crack or do meth for 10 years. Wish to high heaven I could get rid of it though, at least for my early 20s! I'm feeling lost right now, don't know what to do. Sometimes it makes me want to cry, because I feel so helpless. It's so stupid, but it still makes me 10 degrees of emotional.
buttercups
Thanks so much ladies for once again making me feel like I've come a lot farther than I've noticed myself. Of course I still have my bad days like everyone else, but I'm making a true effort to avoid triggers now, and that has helped alot. If it's a guy-oriented movie filled with nothin but "T n'A" I change the channel immediately. I've stopped focusing a lot on magazines that only show that perfect air-brushed impossible figure and I've become a lot better at recognizing the things that I'm sensitive to. I used to think I was being overly sensitive to these things, but now I've stopped trying to make myself feel bad about it and just understand that I am affected by pictures of girls with giant implants and shows and movies about men who only care about a woman's chest size (which is a surprisingly common theme, doesn't it ever get old watching guys trying to get girls to take their clothes off??). Anyways, avoiding these things has helped, and of course I always keep your wonderful advice in my mind.

I have had a minor slip-up when my mom got me the new VS bra that adds 2 cup sizes for Christmas. She gave it to me early bc she knew I wouldn't want to open it in front of the fam. As much as I appreciate it and it's definitely something I've wanted to try on, I feel like now it's going to be a new thing for me to rely on when I was getting a littleeee bit more used to just being myself. I have the bra on now as we speak and I hope I don't make it an essential part of my wardrobe, though it is a lot easier to wear than big padded inserts stuffed into your bra like I'm used to.

Aithinne, thanks for all of your support, now I want to give you hugs. I completely understand how you feel. I know exactly what it's like to feel a certain way on the inside and not have it match at all how you look on the outside. Honestly I should send you a picture of myself, I don't think anyone can describe me as anything but "cute". I've felt that stomach-sinking feeling when you go out feeling semi-good about yourself and then you're in the bar and you look around and you suddenly feel like a little girl surrounded by grown women. It doesn't help me being so short either, and it's really hard when other women literally tower over me. I can feel pretty decent about how I look and then go out and it instantly feels like I'm put in my place. All those women represent the impression that I want to give off- the long legs, the full breasts and hips, the bigger frame in general, that more mature look that I don't have. But the other day I was at a bar with my gorgeous friend- who is all of those things- and she said she always feels "gigantic" when she's out. This girl is anything but gigantic. She is tall with long blonde hair, legs for days, and the most beautiful smile, but I got the impression that she'd rather look petite and "cute" like me. Anyways, you said that you can't see cute inspiring erections, but I think it does alll the time. Look at all the lingerie out there- I know a lot of it is white, pink, and lacy things that are cute but also totally hot at the same time. School girl outfits are definitely cute-gone-sexy. You can be exactly that: cute-gone-sexy. There are so many movies too where the cute, adorable girl is also totally sexy, and she's still the same girl. Look at Jennifer Gray in Dirty Dancing. She is this cute, innocent girl in the beginning of the movie (with small breasts btw) and she has a very young-looking face. But you can't tell me that by the end of that movie she is not sexy, because she definitely is smokin! And she still has that cute look goin on at the same time. I mean they call her "baby" for chrissake and she gets to screw Patrick Swayze- the hottest of hot (RIP Patrick I will always love you!)! Ok so real life is not Dirty Dancing (as much as I wish it was), but I can just think of so many situations where cute = sexy. And I don't love it that my bf tells me that cute is just "who I am", but he says it with so much love for me and for that part of me that it doesn't seem half bad to me. I know that with a simple "cute" look I can make him melt, and with that same look I can make him do pretty much whatever I want ; ) My bf does have problems with performance anxiety, but I can turn him on by being adorable and then asking him in the sweetest voice to do the worst things. It drives him wild. Aithinne you are as hot as you feel inside, and some guy (dare I say most) will be so turned on by a cute girl who loves sex-come on that is hot! I don't think anyone can deny that!

It's now past midnight where I am, so it's officially Christmas. Merry Christmas my lovelies hope you're all asleep awaiting Santa wherever you are!! <3

Aithinne
QUOTE(buttercups @ Dec 24 2009, 09:21 PM) *
Aithinne, thanks for all of your support, now I want to give you hugs. I completely understand how you feel. I know exactly what it's like to feel a certain way on the inside and not have it match at all how you look on the outside. Honestly I should send you a picture of myself, I don't think anyone can describe me as anything but "cute". I've felt that stomach-sinking feeling when you go out feeling semi-good about yourself and then you're in the bar and you look around and you suddenly feel like a little girl surrounded by grown women. It doesn't help me being so short either, and it's really hard when other women literally tower over me. I can feel pretty decent about how I look and then go out and it instantly feels like I'm put in my place. All those women represent the impression that I want to give off- the long legs, the full breasts and hips, the bigger frame in general, that more mature look that I don't have.


Wow, most of the time I have a hard time explaining how I feel, but you sucked the feelings right out of my brain and turned them into words! The same thing happens to me- you get all dressed up, think you're looking damn fine and all, but then you actually get out into the fishpond with all the competition and that's when the feelings of invisibility and "wallflower" set in. Here's all these adult looking women who turn male heads, and in walks little me, the puppy dog/toddler in the room, the one who looks like she tried too hard to fit into a group that she doesn't belong in. And I also understand completely about how you feel like you're put in your place when you insert yourself into the adult woman crowd. It feels like it's not even a competition- I go to the bottom of the ladder straightaway just by existing in the same room. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I don't like going out...I HATE competition as a general rule unless it's a board game or something. Gah, I'm going to start rambling if I keep typing, so I'm going to go home now.
angie_21
Merry Christmas everyone! I read your quesiton earlier this week buttercups and had some time to think about it, and having been on either extreme ("flat" and veeery thin, and kinda "fat" with almost B's), I can say that it doesn't make a helluva difference overall. I personally loe having the extra weight on me, I love feeling a bit more feminine and being able to wear shirts with a little more boob showing. But I also used to love being able to expose my belly at the beach and be proud of it instead of vaguely self-conscious. But the thing I always remind myself is, my belly should be no more or less embarassing to me than my small chest. It's just my body and as long as I feel physically healthy and can still use it to do the things I want to do, I don't give a good god damn what people think. End of story.

If you do try to gain weight, keep in mind it's a lot harder to get rid of the weight afterwards, and try to gain "good" weight by eating good nutritious foods in high quantities, and by shifting your workouts to strength training over cardio, rather than stopping workouts altogether. There's a huge difference between having some weight on you, and just letting the flab pile up lol

Aithinne, sweetie, I really wish there was some way we could convince you that your feeling of being too cute is so much more in your own perception of yourself than it is in your actual, physical body. How you act, how you walk, how you dress, and how you fuck say a lot more about your womanly sexuality than curves or height ever will. And not to be too vulgar on Christmas, but if men hated cute, slim, tiny girls, can someone please explain to me the "barely-legal" and "asian" (sorry, racial stereotypes as a fetish really rub me the wrong way, but I can't really think of a better way to write it out since that niche in porn does exist) sections of the adult video store, and why they're so popular?
Aithinne
QUOTE(angie_21 @ Dec 25 2009, 08:34 AM) *
And not to be too vulgar on Christmas, but if men hated cute, slim, tiny girls, can someone please explain to me the "barely-legal" and "asian" (sorry, racial stereotypes as a fetish really rub me the wrong way, but I can't really think of a better way to write it out since that niche in porn does exist) sections of the adult video store, and why they're so popular?


I do wonder how many men look at the barely-legal porn because they like fantasizing about underage girls, or if it's just the physical look of the girls? Maybe the asian porn is a better representation of men liking adult women with a certain look, but the barely-legal stuff is just creepy to think about. It's concerning to wonder if a guy is attracted to you because you look like a child. Idk.

On a (very) happy note, I was talking to a guy friend last night and we somehow ended up hinting at what a fling between us would be like. He said it was very "tempting"... it made me so happy to be "tempting" to an awesome quality guy! I was doing a little happy dance in my head and gave him a big hug because it made me smile. For the first time in a while I didn't feel like a completely hopeless lost cause in the attracting men department. I felt on top of the world til I went to sleep last night. It's nice to know there's a possibility for attracting men who see past the cute face. Maybe some of the more observant men in the crowd won't dismiss me on first glance and see something in me worth taking a second look at. Maybe I haven't been giving men enough credit that some of them would be able to see past the face (that I didn't choose to have) and see the real me. New goal: Believe that some men are actually observant and don't judge books by their covers. Maybe I'll make it my New Year's goal.
chicaloca
Happy holidays busties!

Regarding "cute". One of the many positives is that if you look young, it probably means you have great, beautiful skin. I think what people actually mean by "cute" is not that you're cute and asexual like a puppy or kitten, but that you're sweet. And being considered sweet is good, since it has more to do with character and attitude. At least that's what I think.

I think what guys like about sex with a sweet looking girl is not about fantasizing about underage girls. I think it's the thrill of the unexpected. The "girl next door" thing. Having a down to Earth girl who they can have a conversation with, who is naturally beautiful (no need for lots of make up and fakiness) who also happens to have a naugthy side is heaven for them. I've heard many guys say they like subtlety, even though one would think otherwise.

Oh, and buttercups, I know how frustrating it must be to hear your boyfriend say those things! But I guess in his head he's giving you a compliment. Guys are so terrible with words! My boyfriend has said many things that just sounded awful, even though he can't understand what he said wrong. Guys can be clueless about such things, and most of the time they mean well and are trying to compliment us, but their words come out wrong. I'm sure your boyfriend means that you're a really sweet and awesome girl.
Aithinne
QUOTE(chicaloca @ Dec 26 2009, 11:39 AM) *
Happy holidays busties!

Regarding "cute". One of the many positives is that if you look young, it probably means you have great, beautiful skin. I think what people actually mean by "cute" is not that you're cute and asexual like a puppy or kitten, but that you're sweet. And being considered sweet is good, since it has more to do with character and attitude. At least that's what I think.

I think what guys like about sex with a sweet looking girl is not about fantasizing about underage girls. I think it's the thrill of the unexpected. The "girl next door" thing. Having a down to Earth girl who they can have a conversation with, who is naturally beautiful (no need for lots of make up and fakiness) who also happens to have a naugthy side is heaven for them. I've heard many guys say they like subtlety, even though one would think otherwise.


Thanks chicaloca, I needed that!
karategrrl
QUOTE(buttercups @ Dec 25 2009, 04:21 AM) *
If it's a guy-oriented movie filled with nothin but "T n'A" I change the channel immediately. I've stopped focusing a lot on magazines that only show that perfect air-brushed impossible figure and I've become a lot better at recognizing the things that I'm sensitive to. I used to think I was being overly sensitive to these things, but now I've stopped trying to make myself feel bad about it and just understand that I am affected by pictures of girls with giant implants and shows and movies about men who only care about a woman's chest size (which is a surprisingly common theme, doesn't it ever get old watching guys trying to get girls to take their clothes off??).

I've often pondered this myself, buttercups. No, it doesn't seem to ever get old, or at least no man will admit to it in front of his equally lunkheaded buds. I think your approach is definitely a good one. Of course, there will be times when you can't change the surroundings, and that's when you must stay strong and do all the positive self-talk. smile.gif
angie_21
Today I flipped the channel to spike tv (it's the "men's channel" on our cable) and got some show about the hooters dream girl contest. It was a bunch of blonde girls in bikinis running around doing dumb stuff, and after 5 seconds my sweetie went on a tirade about what a load of crap it all was and how he hated having supposedly "hot" girls shoved in his face all the time whenever he turned on the tv. It kinda surprised me, he was really mad about it. He said I like hot girls but I don't like dumb spoiled brats and I want to be able to watch a show without it assumed I want some girls tits in my face all the time. and then he stomped out of the room.
anna k
buttercups, I really loved reading your posts, you sound so much more self-confident and happy and comfortable. I love how you wrote about being cute is sexy, and I completely agree. I'm more softer-looking and have been called cute, but had a great fling with a guy who called me cute, and thought I was very sexy when we were intimate. It felt great to show a tough side or wildness beneath being "cute," and I see it more as being deceptive, of being strong and interesting underneath an innocent look. I'm 5'4, and sometimes want to feel like a taller, sexier girl, like more sultry and womanly and stronger, instead of looking girlish and sweet.

angie, your guy is awesome and so cool for saying that. It is playing to the lowest common denominator of going "hey dudes! you like chicks?!" and pushing them into the screen. I like the Spike TV shows Surviving Disaster and Deadliest Warrior, but try to ignore the hot chicks in ads.
strongirl
Totally agree re. Buttercups' posts. Her last read like a primer on how to enjoy being cute and sexy and was a great reminder/reinforcement about how much fun and pleasure can come from working that dynamic. Thank you, Buttercups!

On the tv "hey dudes, you like chicks?" and then serving up a bunch of implanted blonde bimbos, I see this as being directly equivalent to the marketing of fast food. Of course hetero guys are going to like chicks, and of course people are going to like food. But neither the bimbos nor the fatburgers are going to be healthful, nourishing, or satisfying in the long run...which is why their customers need more and more and more. Supersize me, right?

Allison-Shine
QUOTE(anna k @ Dec 27 2009, 10:57 PM) *
buttercups, I really loved reading your posts, you sound so much more self-confident and happy and comfortable. I love how you wrote about being cute is sexy, and I completely agree. I'm more softer-looking and have been called cute, but had a great fling with a guy who called me cute, and thought I was very sexy when we were intimate. It felt great to show a tough side or wildness beneath being "cute," and I see it more as being deceptive, of being strong and interesting underneath an innocent look. I'm 5'4, and sometimes want to feel like a taller, sexier girl, like more sultry and womanly and stronger, instead of looking girlish and sweet.

angie, your guy is awesome and so cool for saying that. It is playing to the lowest common denominator of going "hey dudes! you like chicks?!" and pushing them into the screen. I like the Spike TV shows Surviving Disaster and Deadliest Warrior, but try to ignore the hot chicks in ads.



I wish for the more womanly physicality myself Anna, to be a little bit taller (I'm almost as tall as you at 5'3"), bustier, stronger, comely, just more solid than this soft, thin girlishness that is charachterisitc of me. But like the guy you were with, my boyfriend nine years my senior thrives on my body type and loves to really give it to me sexually, he feels that he is nourishing my body with his manhood and loves to imagine that it makes me grow. Its weird but so wild and feels so right. I feel stronger and bolder when he takes me like that and gives me what he has. I usually don't worry about him straying because he thrives on my body type. I call him "Master of the Petite" and he so loves being called that too, not because its a complment in itself or an boost to his ego per se, but he really thrives on that role of physically loving a slighter woman like me.

My now 17 year old sister has pretty much become that "taller, sexier girl, like more sultry and womanly and stronger" she's 5'6" over 135 pounds (when I describe her, some people think that there should be concern for her weight, no way is that the case) and 36D. Even if I was a little less than her equal I would be happy. Despite what I just said about my boyfreind, I still sometimes think that he could go for a woman of my sister's build for sure. Like I said I don't worry much but I still don't have 100% confidence either. I still believe that most men by nature want that more sultry, stronger more built female.
Allison-Shine
QUOTE(buttercups @ Dec 24 2009, 11:21 PM) *
Aithinne, thanks for all of your support, now I want to give you hugs. I completely understand how you feel. I know exactly what it's like to feel a certain way on the inside and not have it match at all how you look on the outside. Honestly I should send you a picture of myself, I don't think anyone can describe me as anything but "cute". I've felt that stomach-sinking feeling when you go out feeling semi-good about yourself and then you're in the bar and you look around and you suddenly feel like a little girl surrounded by grown women. It doesn't help me being so short either, and it's really hard when other women literally tower over me. I can feel pretty decent about how I look and then go out and it instantly feels like I'm put in my place. All those women represent the impression that I want to give off- the long legs, the full breasts and hips, the bigger frame in general, that more mature look that I don't have. But the other day I was at a bar with my gorgeous friend- who is all of those things- and she said she always feels "gigantic" when she's out. This girl is anything but gigantic. She is tall with long blonde hair, legs for days, and the most beautiful smile, but I got the impression that she'd rather look petite and "cute" like me. Anyways, you said that you can't see cute inspiring erections, but I think it does alll the time. Look at all the lingerie out there- I know a lot of it is white, pink, and lacy things that are cute but also totally hot at the same time. School girl outfits are definitely cute-gone-sexy. You can be exactly that: cute-gone-sexy. There are so many movies too where the cute, adorable girl is also totally sexy, and she's still the same girl. Look at Jennifer Gray in Dirty Dancing. She is this cute, innocent girl in the beginning of the movie (with small breasts btw) and she has a very young-looking face. But you can't tell me that by the end of that movie she is not sexy, because she definitely is smokin! And she still has that cute look goin on at the same time. I mean they call her "baby" for chrissake and she gets to screw Patrick Swayze- the hottest of hot (RIP Patrick I will always love you!)! Ok so real life is not Dirty Dancing (as much as I wish it was), but I can just think of so many situations where cute = sexy. And I don't love it that my bf tells me that cute is just "who I am", but he says it with so much love for me and for that part of me that it doesn't seem half bad to me. I know that with a simple "cute" look I can make him melt, and with that same look I can make him do pretty much whatever I want ; ) My bf does have problems with performance anxiety, but I can turn him on by being adorable and then asking him in the sweetest voice to do the worst things. It drives him wild. Aithinne you are as hot as you feel inside, and some guy (dare I say most) will be so turned on by a cute girl who loves sex-come on that is hot! I don't think anyone can deny that!

It's now past midnight where I am, so it's officially Christmas. Merry Christmas my lovelies hope you're all asleep awaiting Santa wherever you are!! <3


Cute does inspire erections, my boyfriend who I just mentioned again just now is proof of that. I should definitely know. Yes you are as hot as you are inside and also what is inside you if you know what I mean wink.gif . That may sound kinda over the top but its so true.

Wow my 100th post, and I felt so hot while typing it ! I hate working during a holiday week, slow and my mind and especially my body are wanting to be elsewhere ! wink.gif
Aithinne
QUOTE(angie_21 @ Dec 27 2009, 08:52 PM) *
Today I flipped the channel to spike tv (it's the "men's channel" on our cable) and got some show about the hooters dream girl contest. It was a bunch of blonde girls in bikinis running around doing dumb stuff, and after 5 seconds my sweetie went on a tirade about what a load of crap it all was and how he hated having supposedly "hot" girls shoved in his face all the time whenever he turned on the tv. It kinda surprised me, he was really mad about it. He said I like hot girls but I don't like dumb spoiled brats and I want to be able to watch a show without it assumed I want some girls tits in my face all the time. and then he stomped out of the room.


Hahhahaha!! I sure would have enjoyed witnessing that tirade... how awesome! I think if he was my bf, I'd have kissed him senseless for that! Talk about a turn on! Ah...music to the ears.
chicaloca
Wow, angie! Talk about the perfect guy, lol. You're so lucky!

I hate that type of shows... even if I know they're mindless, stupid shows for teenage boys and frat guys (or men who never grow out of it). I just can't stand them, especially since it's like they pay these women to act stupid, because I doubt anyone can be that dumb in real life. And to think these women earn more money for acting stupid on TV and showing off their implants than a teacher (I'm going to be a teacher and in my country it's not a highly paid profession) /end rant.

And every time I complain about that type of stuff to my boyfriend says "So what? It's society, you won't change it by complaining, so just ignore it and don't let it affect you. Guys like hot chicks, so what? What's the harm?". He doesn't watch that type of shows, but doesn't see anything wrong with them either, he says I shouldn't be bitter about stuff that I can't change and be happy with my life and my choices. I wish he was a bit more understanding, though. Well, he's young and grew up with the porn generation (I call guys my age like that... by the time we were like 10 porn was readily available online already). It's like every guy I've met has been into huge breasts and girls a la Pamela Anderson... actually my boyfriend was kind of a (nice) surprise to me in the sense that he's not that obsessed with it like other guys, and he actually prefers amateur porn (real amateur porn, with really imperfect people... there's some "amateur" that's actually pro disguised as amateur). He says he prefers big breasts, but that mine are really hot because they're perky and pointy... and also that he loves my very wide hips and small waist way more, and my thick thighs (although I don't like them, but he says he doesn't like skinny thighs), and my butt of course. All things that I've never considered sexy about myself, but he really likes them.

Even if he likes big breasts and doesn't see any harm in these dumb shows (which admittedly upsets me), I'm thankful that he's not the type of guy to actually tune in to one of those shows.
buttercups
hahahah angie, your man is awesome, if only they all could be like that *sigh *

I really hate those shows too, and it definitely fuels my fire in terms of feeling bad about myself. the other day I was watching "the ugly truth" with my family, a movie I didn't want to see because I knew what would be in it, and there were a few times where I had to remind myself "this is just a movie, do not let it get to you". I am so damn sensitive to that stuff. Especially the part where he says all women need to "get on the treadmill" because guys only care about how a woman looks and her tits and ass. I know the point of the movie is that he is an asshole, but I still hate even hearing that kind of crap anywhere. I just try so hard now to ignore it.

Chicaloca, I'm just curious, how do you feel about dating a guy who outwardly tells you he prefers big breasts? I know you're a gorgeous girl and obviously that's one of the things he loves about you, but I'm not sure I personally could date someone who told me that's what they preferred. I guess you must just be in a different place than me confidence-wise, but I've had my problems dating guys that I only thought didn't like small breasts, nevermind told me they preferred big ones. I think if my bf ever told me that I would never let him see me naked again, but lord knows I already live in fear. Just wondering what kinds of feelings you've had and how you've dealt with them. Kudos to you for getting past that if it's something you've had to get past.

Thanks again ladies and I love reading your posts too, they are always enlightening and keep me feeling positive!! Love you all!

strongirl
On the boyfriend who prefers big breasts thing, I have sort of an analogy. I prefer long hair on men. My bf has gorgeous blond hair that, when he grows it long, just makes me weak in the knees. I love it and he knows it's my preference. But recently he cut it very short - it was driving him crazy, had gotten pretty damaged and dry, and after several years with it long, he was tired of dealing with it. And you know what? It just isn't that big a deal. In a real, adult relationship there are SO many factors that go into it. An individual person is incredibly complex - you take two of them and put them together, and you're talking major complexity here! His hair is just a tiny part of what makes him attractive to me - there's a long list of other physical attributes I love about him, plus the much larger list of personality traits, relationship dynamics, shared memories and experiences, inside jokes, sexual compatibility, etc. Hair schmair. Boobs schmoobs. It's the relationship that matters. And in real life (not on tv or in movies or advertisements) that is just as true for males as it is for females.

buttercups
That's true strongirl, it is the relationship that matters. But I do tend to get caught up in the whole cultural/societal pressures thing. Guess that's something I'll have to work on. I know you can't have a relationship with boobs, but I hate when people make it sound like you can.

Just a little story to share with Aithinne and all you other cuties ; ) Last night I was with my bf and he was getting ready to leave and I didn't want him to, so I started doing a little striptease to get him to stay. But the whole time I did it I was also acting "cute", telling him how much I would miss him, doing the little pouty face. Needless to say it drove him wild (and he can be hard to drive wild sometimes). He wouldn't get off of me and kept saying how much he loved it that I could be "completely adorable and sexy at the same time". I instantly thought of all of you haha and was secretly saying in my head "take that! cute and sexy!!". So there ya go, proof that it does exist : ) <3
spot-on
Wow so much happening here! Just wanted to touch on a few things.

Buttercups, go you! I tried on the VS double cup bra, but for me it just added too much and I was shocked at the boobage. Will I get one? Maybe. I still haven't decided 100%. I will say I do like the fact that it's all padded with nothing to fall out. I love their Pink line they do, the straps seem shorter so more suitable for us petites. I have two of their Pink bras which are now my favorites and have barely been off since I got them. Slight padding in the push up but FIT in the cups, which is a rarity for me.

Cute DOES inspire erections, as has already been mentioned. My opinion on the "barely legal" porn issue, I often think it's not purely the physical side that is the turn on, but the sweet and innocent turned sex diva that is the erection inducing part. Most men like sweet and innocent girl next door types that turn into sex kittens. It's the looking pure and innocent but then knowing just what we're thinking (or doing) that is the turn on. Does that make sense? I guess that kinda goes with what Chicoala was saying, its the cute turned porn star in the bedroom that fascinates them, and we have that power by just flipping a switch. Like doing something suggestive but being "totally unaware" of what we're doing (when really we are). Drives them wild smile.gif

Most men are totally shocked at the stuff that comes out of my mouth smile.gif I am a bit of a tomboy personality anyway. I am 'one of the guys' but because I am petite they often forget, and it seems especially tough for newcomers to the group to accept that this petite brunette is swearing like a sailor and discussing sexual positions with the guys. I like the shock factor what can I say?

QUOTE
It feels like it's not even a competition- I go to the bottom of the ladder straightaway just by existing in the same room.


Girl I hate to be the one to sit you down and slap you upside the head but this is SO NOT TRUE! True sexiness and confidence comes from within. I've seen girls with "perfect" figures and looks be turned over for someone 'lesser down the ladder' because they didn't believe in themselves. I have found this myself. For me it was clothing that was the issue. Wearing the clothes I wore when I was 30lbs heavier they hung off me, covered what shape I had and I FELT unattractive. Cut to a few months later, wearing junior sizes that fit snug and look amazing (hey, not narcissistic just honest, I do!) I FEEL attractive and FEEL beautiful. Guess what? I get more double takes, more looks and noticed MUCH more. Not because I look that different, or dress different, but because I ACT different based on how I feel. Not that I'd do anything with the attention being married already, it's just nice to be appreciated smile.gif If you FEEL and ACT confident then NOBODY is above you on that ladder! Hell most popular people will admit they get to the top by bluffing their way through.

Naked women - nope doesn't seem to get old. Each tecnological advance we've made men have used to look at naked women more and more. Printing press, TV, Video, DVDs, computers, the internet, home video, each has made it possible to watch more images of more naked women.

Porn generation - this is why we NEED more small breasted women in porn! Otherwise the boys growing up in this generation are going to think boobs should look like 2 airbags stuck on a womans chest. It's not bigger the better, if it were why aren't penis implants the norm too? This was my argument with the American Pie Love book movie I mentioned before. These 'actresses' are playing high school kids and almost all have had implants!? WTF? It is NOT NORMAL for 17 yr olds to get implants and IMO should be illegal considering the body hasn't stopped growing through puberty yet. Movies/media do hold some responsibility to portray at least SOME real life.

Strongirl for me the difference with your analogy is hair grows. Boobs for the most part don't. You cut hair it grows back. I equate hair to that of make up or other external factors as it something that can change daily depending on what you do to it so in that respect it is totally different to boob size. If my husband said he prefered bigger boobs a'la Pam Anderson I know it would affect me big time but that would be MY issue, preying on my own insecurities. That said my husband is physically different from when we met, but then I fell in love with HIM, his personality, not based on how he looks. I would hope the reverse is also true wink.gif

Wishing you all a happy new year! I say we make 2010 the year of the small breasts! The world will embrace us, and we will conquer the mountain of implants!
angie_21
you go buttercups! that is so awesome! smile.gif

I think part of my boy's outburst has to do with that fact that I discuss this message baard with him every once in a while and he is continually astounded by what he learns from it. It makes him really sad to hear that there are so many cute, smart girls that could possibly think they were ugly, even worse that they would be unhappy for something he thinks is great.

I terms of going out with boys who prefer bigger boobs. there are a few things I take into consideration. There's a big difference between a preference and a fetish. Some guys have very strong preferences that I see as partly immaturity (honestly, if physical appearances affect their sexual arousal that much, they have problems that are already going to make me not want to date them!). But usually the preference is just that, and just like strongirl said, it's more than just one physcial trait. I prefer my men tall, fit, with long dark hair and a deep sexy voice. My boyfriend has about half of those things going for him, so am I going to dump him for the other half? No way, not when he's also smart, thoughful, sweet and fun to spend time with. And even though I prefer a nice lean, perfectly muscled body (who wouldn't lol), I also have a thing for the big cuddly teddy-bear type even if they are totally out of shape, and have been insanely attracted to the scrawny type when there's something else there I like. Why do we not give men credit for being equally complicated?

chicola, my bf loves all the same things, big hips and thighs and a tiny waist. He's never really had a thing for boobs one way or the other, but if if they're cute and perky, he's more than satisfied!
Aithinne
QUOTE(angie_21 @ Dec 29 2009, 12:00 PM) *
I think part of my boy's outburst has to do with that fact that I discuss this message baard with him every once in a while and he is continually astounded by what he learns from it. It makes him really sad to hear that there are so many cute, smart girls that could possibly think they were ugly, even worse that they would be unhappy for something he thinks is great.


Aww.. he's so sweet! I say again, I wish guys like that had indicator lights or something, so they could be found by us cute small-boobied women. It would cut out so much angst and stress! But sadly, life doesn't work that way, so I guess we'll have to keep rolling the dice and hope one finds us. I almost wish your bf had more angry tirades, because he gets angry about stuff that makes me angry and I feel better hearing about it from you! Lol.

I also agree to the preference thing, and thinking about that has helped me get over my issues with my boobs. I am most attracted to brunette men. I think if I made a list of the celebrities I think are hot, the top 15-20 would be dark-haired men, but that certainly hasn't stopped me from being very attracted to men who look very different from my so-called 'ideal'. I had a fling in college with this guy who was by all accounts, a pretty skinny guy and not someone I would probably give a second glance to normally, but the way he looked at me made me absolutely hot. He had one of those piercing looks that made me feel like he could see into my soul or something. So there is something to be said for the people and situations in those shows (where bimbo huge boobied girl gets all the guys) and real life, where real people can surprise your socks off and be way more stimulating than some random fake girl on TV.
Aithinne
QUOTE(spot-on @ Dec 29 2009, 11:47 AM) *
Cute DOES inspire erections, as has already been mentioned. My opinion on the "barely legal" porn issue, I often think it's not purely the physical side that is the turn on, but the sweet and innocent turned sex diva that is the erection inducing part. Most men like sweet and innocent girl next door types that turn into sex kittens. It's the looking pure and innocent but then knowing just what we're thinking (or doing) that is the turn on. Does that make sense? I guess that kinda goes with what Chicoala was saying, its the cute turned porn star in the bedroom that fascinates them, and we have that power by just flipping a switch. Like doing something suggestive but being "totally unaware" of what we're doing (when really we are). Drives them wild smile.gif

Girl I hate to be the one to sit you down and slap you upside the head but this is SO NOT TRUE! True sexiness and confidence comes from within. I've seen girls with "perfect" figures and looks be turned over for someone 'lesser down the ladder' because they didn't believe in themselves. I have found this myself. For me it was clothing that was the issue. Wearing the clothes I wore when I was 30lbs heavier they hung off me, covered what shape I had and I FELT unattractive. Cut to a few months later, wearing junior sizes that fit snug and look amazing (hey, not narcissistic just honest, I do!) I FEEL attractive and FEEL beautiful. Guess what? I get more double takes, more looks and noticed MUCH more. Not because I look that different, or dress different, but because I ACT different based on how I feel. Not that I'd do anything with the attention being married already, it's just nice to be appreciated smile.gif If you FEEL and ACT confident then NOBODY is above you on that ladder! Hell most popular people will admit they get to the top by bluffing their way through.


Thanks spot on, I definitely am going to try my hardest to feel beautiful and SEXY before I go out on New Year's Eve night. Hopefully, my confidence won't dim once I'm surrounded by other women who seem to pull off the look that I'm trying (and probably bluffing) to achieve. I guess we'll just see how it goes.
strongirl
On the pref thing, it's true that hair grows but my point is more that a single physical preference is really eclipsed by all the other things about a person and a relationship. Like Aithinne's skinny college fling, it would be sad and a loss to both parties if he was so insecure about his body that he rejected her and withdrew in fear that she'd have a muscle guy preference. They'd both have missed out. Same thing when we withdraw over the breast preference issue.
angie_21
QUOTE(Aithinne @ Dec 29 2009, 01:22 PM) *
Hopefully, my confidence won't dim once I'm surrounded by other women who seem to pull off the look that I'm trying (and probably bluffing) to achieve.


Just remember Aithinne, we're all bluffing when it comes to these things. Appearances are just that, they're all for show. Those girls that you are jealous of are no more mature, intelligent, or sexy than you, no matter what you or they look like. And more often than not, they are feeling just as different on the inside from their outer appearance as you are.
Aithinne
You guys are awesome. I think I'm going to read all these recent posts before I go out. Maybe I'll make a quote my banner on my phone or something. You guys are inspiring. Much love!
anna k
I love reading all of your posts, it makes me feel really confident and full of happiness that so many women out there love their bodies and their individual sexiness and femininity.

It's ridiculous when I see women who talk about their "problem areas," especially when they already look fantastic. One friend who is thin and limber says when she gains weight it goes to her arms. Another fit woman I've seen at the gym would examine her stomach, and the instructor would tell her to stop it, saying that women think they look bigger than they really are.

buttercups, I've inadvertently worked that cute and sexy thing before too in sex. It's a way of coming off as both innocent and wild, like looking like a sweet shy girl but then kissing deeply or wanting something harder. Getting that reaction like, "I had no idea that was in you," or "You're much stronger than I thought," is very sexy to me.

I love that you guys do write about combining cute and sexy. While I don't have small breasts, I feel more girlish and look a little young for my age, so I don't always feel as womanly as I want to be. Seeming "cute" can almost feel like I'm not grown up. I don't mean wanting to be some cartoon image of sexy, but wanting to be a woman, not a girl.
Aithinne
Woo hoo, New Year's Eve!!! I'm so excited! I get to see my nephews today and go out later! It's going to be a good day. Nothing's going to slow this bad baby-faced girl down today!

I had some much needed self therapy last night. I only got a few hours of sleep because of it, which I might regret later today, but my heart/spirit/whatever feels calm today, in a way that it hasn't been for close to a month. I didn't want the cute issue to rear it's ugly head today, so I sat down last night and started writing a story that I might submit to literotica.com about it. I just started writing a story that basically started out with me at work, talking to that customer a few weeks ago who kept going on and on about how him telling me I looked like a cute minor was a compliment. The whole while I just wished he would shut up and go away before I punched the guy in the face. Anyway, in my story (not in real life though, sadly), I have a house with a male roommate who I'm insanely attracted to, but am invisible to, due to the 'cute' factor. And I come home so angry about the customer/yet-another-person trying to convince me the word is a compliment instead of simply understanding why I might not like it and dropping the whole conversation, so I pretty much decide to rebel and seduce my hot roomie into changing his 'kid sister' view of me. I'm to the part in the story where I proposition roomie to get hot and sweaty with me, in which I say in so many words, "Fuck me or move out".. lol. I don't know, now that I think about it, that line in my story is very much a "take me as I am or get out" ultimatum to the men of the world.. haha. I haven't gotten to any really juicy stuff yet, but the stuff I did write really lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.

Since I don't have a real life bf to get it on with every time my womanhood is "complimented"/attacked, my imaginary one will have to do for now. I'm so grateful, despite my lack of sleep last night, to have sat down and wrote out what I was feeling. I feel so much more like myself today, even at 6:30 in the morning, running on two hours of sleep. I feel calmer, lighter, not so anxious or wallowing in the angst of my cute invisibility. I think I'm going to write more while I'm at work this morning.

I thank everyone for all their support. I feel like I've stolen the board with my stupid issue, but I'm glad everyone has had so much patience. You all have helped me to not break down and cry every damn night these last few weeks. I even have a revised quote from you, strongirl, as a banner on my phone. My banner says "Could'a missed out". I couldn't get the whole sentence you wrote in my banner, because I only had 18 spaces to work with, but I think every time I start to feel bad tonight, I'm going to whip out my phone for a mini therapy session/pep talk.

I'm looking forward to a day of fun playing with the nephews, then more fun later partying it up for New Year's. Thanks to all you ladies here who kept me from drowning. I'll raise my glass to you all tonight and hope everyone here has a great New Year's celebration and some boobie kisses at midnight.

Btw, yay for my 200th post!
chicaloca
Aithinne, I don't think you've stolen board! As you can see many busties relate to the cute issue, I mean I'm only past teenage years (I'm 21), but I still get confused as a high schooler sometimes. But as I said before, it's great skin, lol. And like anna said, it happens regardless of breast size. I think we can all relate in some way or another.

Oh and I think your story sounds hot!

On the preference thing. I think I just kinda accept it because as I grew up, I noticed all guys I knew prefered big breasts and went on and on about it (like teen boys do). But then again, I saw those same guys go after girls with both big and small breasts alike. So I figured maybe they had such preferences, but in the end they still went out with small girls. So I thought maybe it wasn't so important. It also helps that my boyfriend told me this after dating for 2 years already. So I already knew he liked my body and that he was in love with me. If he'd told me when we first started going out maybe it would have been different. When he first told me it was a bit of a shock, and I kinda felt bad, but then again when I told him how that made me feel he was *very* reassuring if you know what I mean.

And whenever I feel a bit low about my breasts, he tells me he loves them because they're so perky and firm. When I'm really optimistic I think to myself "Well, I must be really hot if I could attract a guy who prefers big breasts, when I have small ones". He's also told me sometimes he thinks sometimes maybe I'm too hot to be with a guy like him, but I tell him that's not true, lol, I think he's hot too. Well, and he's also more of a butt man and he really loves my big hips and small waist as I said. If he were a true boob guy, then it would probably be a different story for me. I am quite insecure about my breasts though, and most of the time I find it a bit hard to believe that he really likes mine so much. But I also try to remind myself that his actions have spoken louder, lol, and that it's probably my insecurity that skews my perceptions of him sometimes.

Well, I also know that his ex is probably a AA or maybe less. She is really gorgeous, and I think her breasts suit her very well.

So I guess he may say that he prefers big breasts, but he really doesn't care about breasts so much as one could think. I think I give more importance to breasts than he does. In a way, I do think it's like the penis issue for guys. Sometimes we tend to equate breast size with femininity or attractiveness, which is as stupid as saying a guy has to be hung like a horse to be attractive or a good lover. I also remind myself of that.

Happy new year busties!
strongirl
Aithinne, I agree with Chicaloca, you haven't stolen the board at all and your issue is definitely not "stupid". On the contrary, your posts are an important part of the rich mix that makes this board so amazing and awesome. We all use this board to help each other and help ourselves and the incredible thing is that without ever having met each other, it feels like we've gotten to a place together where we are all elevated to a higher level, a place where we are more joyous, more loving and supportive of ourselves and others, more sexually expressive, more generous, more free. When you think about all the other people whose lives we touch and how that positivity is getting shared and amplified, wow - that's pretty powerful stuff for an online message board! It's very cool!!!! Let's take that positive energy and send it right on into the New Year, like blowing a kiss into the future.

Chicaloca, your posts reflect such a balanced, well-adjusted perspective. There was a chick who used to post in here a good while back whose boyfriend told her he preferred large breasts and it just f'd her up from here to Sunday. She was in a self-imposed hell over it. I wish I could extract a bit of your healthy outlook, bottle it, and take it back in time to give to her.

Aithinne, it makes me feel really good that something I said made you feel good, good enough to put it on your banner. And I think it's awesome that you're writing that story - I love erotica and think it can be both stimulating and therapeutic at the same time. You should definitely post it somewhere when you're done! Have a wonderful, fun time tonight!

Happy New Year, everyone!
spot-on
Aithinne you haven't stolen the board, this is what we are here for, body issues and helping one another over a barrier and reflecting how others see us rather than how we perceive ourselves. Glad you are feeling better about yourself and hope that soon you get a chance to use the kick ass woman and her attitude in your own life!

Happy New Year Busties!
anna k
Aithinne, I love reading your posts. You always have something interesting to say, and are really articulate and interesting. And congrats on writing a great piece of erotica! Have a great night tonight!
angie_21
yes, happy new year everyone! Let's all resolve to be happy and at peace with our bodies all year long.

This board seems to go through waves and cycles, it will be quiet for a while, then someone will bring in a new issue, and we all get to think about it, discuss it, and learn from it. Aithinne, you haven't been imposing, you've been bringing up a lot of new ideas and thoughts for all of us, and that's great! I am glad it's helped. Any time a smallie feels better about herself is a victory for everyone (including the guys out there who will benefit from our new confidence wink.gif )

Chicola, I think it is very true with guys that actions often speak louder than words, especially when it comes to their sexuality. Men have a lot of confidence issues, just like us, and high school locker room talk is all one big bluff. "Big boobs" is a topic they can all bond around without it actually meaning anything (to them, anyways), just like football, poker, beer, etc. None of those things have a huge personal meaning to most men, which is the reason why they're really common topics, it reduces conflict and helps everyone feel like they fit in.
spot-on
Its the new year and I thought I'd share a quote with you all that seems apt for the conversations we've had recently and I hope that some of you can use in in the year ahead, I know it's a very special quote for me personally

"life isn't about finding yourself, life is about CREATING yourself"
buttercups
Hey ladies, I've been having a bad week what with becoming sick right before new years eve and then finding out my ex bf that I dated for 6 long years is with another girl yesterday (don't know why I care but you can read all about that in the moooving on thread), so what did I do? I went shopping!

My ex and I were on the same phone plan so today we went to separate into individual lines (bc even though I had insisted for almost 2 years about getting off the same plan, now that he has a gf it's ok for me to not be on a family plan with him, but anyways) and I really was dreading it bc I didn't want to see him. I played it casual and cool even though he had been mean to me on the phone the night before telling me about how much better this new girl is in one week than me in 6 years, and I was trying not to let him see my hands shake. Afterwards he said he wanted to "walk to my car" so I said "no thanks, I can handle it I'm not leaving the mall yet, bye!" and right in front of him I walked into a lingerie store and started picking out hot nighties to wear for my bf. It really was good therapy, especially when I found some cute XS things that look great on us little busties! I got a hot pink and black lace nightie from H&M- I think it's pretty sexy. And then I got this beautiful white lace babydoll nightie from Gilly Hicks. I would recommend everyone tiny to go bc they fit little boobs so perfectly and the really expensive stuff is way marked down right now. My white lace nightie was originally $50 and I got it for only $6.50! Gilly Hicks won't exactly give you the "I'm-hot-take-me-now" look, but it will give you the romantic and pretty look. Here are just some of the tops on clearance, but the one I got isnt on there:

http://www.gillyhicks.com/gh/index.html#/C...S/31326/577579/

I really like the dark blue nightie second from the left. It also looked good on, but I didn't buy it bc it was $20 and I had already spent enough haha.

Anyways, next time any guy makes you feel bad about yourself, go shopping for something sexy. If I didn't have a bf, I would be shopping for something hot that the next lucky guy will get to see, either way I think it can make you feel better. <3
anna k
buttercups, I'm happy that retail therapy helped you to feel beautiful and sexy, like finding something that just brings that out in you. I like finding leggings that make my legs look thin and long or fitted tops that make me feel hourglass-y.

Your ex sounds like an insecure prick trying to brag about his new girl, and trying to make you jealous. Forget him, your boyfriend is so much cooler and nicer.

That's a good quote, spot-on, and one to remember.
karategrrl
Hey ladies, I'm checking in here after not reading the posts over the holidays. I just love you all so much!!!! I can't possibly comment on everything I've enjoyed reading just now, but:
  • YAY for the BF totally POed over bimbos with huge fake tits being shoved in his face
  • YAY for retail therapy (and BARGAINS!! LOVE THE BARGAINS!!)
  • YAY for the new year and positive intentions and self-lovin'
    YAY for juicy, thick thighs, womanly hips, little waists (sheet yeah, big ones too!), little perky breasts and all the men and women who adore them!

Hubby attacked me the other night in bed, when I thought we were laying down to SLEEP. Totally hot--spooning-style f*cking with his hands groping me all over, including my breasts. What a turn-on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aithinne
Ooh karategrrl, that sounds divine.

Buttercups, your ex is a cocksore. Glad you found some sexy things to wear. I'm sure your bf enjoys them and looking at your hot self, which your amoeba-brained ex failed to appreciate. Just imagine painting a target on his junk and playing darts... darts dipped in hot sauce and salt. I'm sure that will make you smile and counteract any negative feelings.

Wow. I'm evil. Teehee...

My New Year's was lots of fun. Went to a house party with my guy friend who I'm trying to turn into a hot & sweaty sex partner. After the party, we went back to the hotel where I got a room so we didn't have to have a DD, and had some mild, but very sensual fun. Massages and snuggling. A pillow fight that turned into a tickle fight that I had fun losing because he had to hold me down (yum) to stop my squirming. It was fun getting thrown around on the bed and pinned. *Shiver* And yesterday, said guy friend and I had another tickle fight which ended with me bent over the counter and him behind me. He gave me a short back massage from that position too. Yay. So while I have yet to do the deed, the foreplay is delicious and makes me feel sexy! So THERE.. take that cute! Lol.
strongirl
Karategrrl and Aithinne, your descriptions of your recent activities are getting me all worked up! My poor bf won't know what hit him tonite! LOL
treehugger
Yeah, I'm getting worked up too.......
anna k
You two are some very lucky ladies, and clearly have some major magnetism going on. smile.gif
Persiflager
*delurk*

Happy small breasted postsecret!

*relurk*
karategrrl
Haha, glad Aithinne's and my sexcapades are inspiring! Let's all share these wonderful stories when they happen!! I enjoy hearing all of yours!! Ha, hubby and I had a tiff last night and at that moment you couldn't have paid me to have sex with him. Yes, the brain is the most important sex organ...

Persiflager, luuuuv the link!!!!

Oh yes, I also saw The Ugly Truth last week!! (Weird!!) and I tried not to let is piss me off, but I admit, I was in such a shit mood when it was over. Stuff like that makes me think maybe straight men really are just hopeless farm animals.
buttercups
You ladies rock! Aithinne you totally crack me up!! Cocksore hahahhaha, I love it! And yeah girl, what a hot post! This guy friend of yours sure is one helluva lucky guy, he obviously can't keep his hands off your sexy self, and can you blame him? Can't wait to hear more!

Persiflager that link was great, hope I get there before another 27 years passes by..I know I will!

Karategrrl, in so many of your posts I see we have a lot of the same viewpoints on men, which makes me feel better because I always thought I was being overly sensitive to things, and I'm probably being pretty sensitive, but maybe there are reasons. Sorry to hear that you and the hub had a tiff, always sucks and I know exactly how it feels to be like "unless you do something miraculous you're never gettin in these drawers again!", but I'm sure it will blow over soon and then he will confess his undying love and devotion for you and there will be hot make-up sex! The Ugly Truth definitely made me feel the same way..like do all men really want to see women wrestling in jell-o with all their giant inflated naughty bits hanging out? * sigh * sadly, I think most of the time that answer might be yes. Yea that movie put me in a bad mood for sure, if you haven't seen it and stuff about men only liking T n'A makes you feel bad, I wouldn't recommend it.

So the boy and I are going to be alone for a couple of days this week for one of the first times in months. He keeps telling me that I shouldn't be so self-conscious about my body when we're together, bc I do make an effort to put myself in positions that hide things as much as possible haha. As much as I'm more over it now than ever, I have this fear of comparison that keeps me from being open with him as much as I'd like to be. I guess it's reinforced now bc of all this stuff with my ex I keep thinking that, since I was his only other sex partner before this new girl, that now he will have a full-grown woman and think "god, this is what I've been missing, boobs!" So stupid I know, and what do I care what he thinks now anyways? But I feel like if I don't show my current bf those parts that often, maybe when he moves on someday he won't really remember as much to compare me to the next girl. Or he won't be able to compare me now to whoever he sees wherever. Have you just ever totally regretted showing your naked self to someone? I completely regret letting my ex ever see me naked, even though that was a 6 year relationship, and I don't want to make the same mistake with my current bf, bc let's face it you never know what will happen. I also kinda think maybe it keeps the mystery in some way, like if I let him see me naked all the time it would get so old and he'll get bored of me. We're not the most adventurous couple in the bedroom bc he's pretty shy and conservative about that stuff, even though I'm always up for shakin things up a little but I'm scared to initiate anything, but I don't want him to get bored of just seeing little me all the time..
Aithinne
QUOTE(buttercups @ Jan 6 2010, 08:11 AM) *
But I feel like if I don't show my current bf those parts that often, maybe when he moves on someday he won't really remember as much to compare me to the next girl.


OR.... you could show your body to him without shame, without embarassment, totally and completely accepting of how you were made. There is something primitively irresistible about someone who can stand there completely naked in the bright light, as if they dare you to find a flaw worth being ashamed of. Women seem to be insecure creatures, but imagine if you were the one who accepted yourself, your body, as it is. You would be the girl that he compares all others too, not because you have a so-called "imperfect" body, but because you had the courage, the stubbornness, the strength to stand in front of him without apology. You would be the stick he measures other women by, the high standard other women must live up to. The good thing is, you can do that regardless of whether you have small breasts, or no curves. The only challenge is making yourself believe you can do it (and you can), which is why this board is so empowering.

QUOTE(buttercups @ Jan 6 2010, 08:11 AM) *
Have you just ever totally regretted showing your naked self to someone? I completely regret letting my ex ever see me naked, even though that was a 6 year relationship, and I don't want to make the same mistake with my current bf, bc let's face it you never know what will happen.


NEVER regret being yourself or showing yourself to your SO. Regret is completely useless anyway. Every experience in life, whether good or bad, has an element of wisdom to learn from. You shouldn't be learning behavior that closes you off to others, it will not help you. You regret your ex seeing you naked because you're ashamed of your body. But if you're not ashamed of your body, you won't regret anyone seeing you naked. Your ex is your past, learn to live more fully, more wisely, and move on. Don't let him bring you down, and don't let him make you close yourself off to the world.

QUOTE(buttercups @ Jan 6 2010, 08:11 AM) *
I also kinda think maybe it keeps the mystery in some way, like if I let him see me naked all the time it would get so old and he'll get bored of me. We're not the most adventurous couple in the bedroom bc he's pretty shy and conservative about that stuff, even though I'm always up for shakin things up a little but I'm scared to initiate anything, but I don't want him to get bored of just seeing little me all the time..


Shame is not mystery. Fear is not mystery. Live without fear and shame, and you will be a mystery to others. They will wonder what secrets you have, what it is that makes you so confident and alluring. And confidence is never boring, regardless of your body shape.

Perhaps your New Year's resolution could be to work on stopping thoughts of shame, not giving them the reins to run away from you.
spot-on
Sorry for not being here much, crazy times over the holidays and looking like busy time ahead too!

Ditto everything Aithinne said, never be ashamed of your body!
especially this
QUOTE
Your ex is your past, learn to live more fully, more wisely, and move on. Don't let him bring you down, and don't let him make you close yourself off to the world.


Remember NO-ONE has a perfect body! It's impossible because they are ALL different, Each and every one is completely different to the next so you just cannot compare.

strongirl
Wow, Aithinne! That is really empowering and inspirational! Nicely articulated and great words of wisdom for us all.
buttercups
I second that, you really made everything make sense to me Aithinne. And I am going to make that my New Years Resolution! I'm going to take your advice and try to confident this time and not hide everything. I always feel like I look different from other girls like I'm transgendered or something bc my ex has made comments about "down there" too, so I feel like no part of me looks like a regular girl, but my bf now says that he won't think that way. I guess we'll have to wait and see bc I am getting sick of thinking through positioning so much to hide myself. I'm gonna do it!
anna k
QUOTE
Shame is not mystery. Fear is not mystery. Live without fear and shame, and you will be a mystery to others. They will wonder what secrets you have, what it is that makes you so confident and alluring. And confidence is never boring, regardless of your body shape.


Those are excellent words, Aithinne. It's better living life with little fear or shame, and just taking more chances. I've had much more confidence lately, and enjoying learning so much more things about the world, and feeling more engaged with it.

When I was naked with my former FWB, he told me how I seemed so comfortable in my body, and at ease. It wasn't something that I thought about, because I felt so engaged and busy with him that I didn't feel self-conscious or didn't think about my body as a whole, just individual parts. He also would tell me how beautiful it was, how long my arms and legs were or how I had a curved-in waist. It's those little things that I remember that makes me feel really sexy in my skin, as well as the challenges I take in dance and losing fear of doing more difficult moves. I have the bruises to show for it, but dance brings out confidence and sensuality and happiness in me, and is something that is a part of my body and life.
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