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mouse
nope, see, the depressing thing? not even that famous. not really famous at all actually. they should be, they're just as good as the lonely island guys, but they've just had i think a couple things on late night cable and have a rabid internet following.

i'm actually tempted to mention it to one of the other guys, like "dude, please tell ____ to stop being a douche" because i think part of it is i've always felt like he's always harbored a bit of hostility towards me for dumping him. but i don't keep in touch with any of them and i don't want to seem like i'm protesting too much.

regardless, "dude, just google me" is a fucking hilarious thing for someone to say in seriousness.
anna k
Reminds me of my college campus when some guys would be the campus stars by hosting the college TV station shows and be known all over. One guy had a bit of an ego as "da man," with his groupies and shout-outs in the paper.

My first thought was the Upright Citizen's Brigade.

"Just Google me, I don't have time for a long conversation. Do your research."
knorl05
mouse: something that may be comforting.. most of the people he's gonna deal with from here on out are gonna be fake. they're gonna have ulterior motives. they're gonna be users. and when he's not hot shit anymore, they're all gonna drop him and move onto the next guy who comes along and makes them laugh.
curiouskat6
I have a bit of an issue that is no big deal but for some reason its really bothering me. This is something I said that was pretty idiotic of me but it is still inhibiting me...

The boyfriend wasn't in the best of moods last night after giving blood earlier yesterday and then having an energy drink and a glass of wine later on last night. He became really tired at about 9:30, kept telling me that he was going to kick me out at 10:30, he says that every time that I come over...He didnt kick me out, I stayed and I lied down on the couch and he lied down next to me and put his arms around me making me stuck, so I had to try to escape...it was all in good fun. He started to tickle me, I am very ticklish and after awhile I was telling him to stop, please stop and laughing while I was saying this but he wouldnt stop, I would grab his hands away but he is stronger than me so of course I lost.

Now someone please tell me what words during a time like the above are to not be said and if they are the mood will be shot?
I can tell you one word to never say, and when I said this I was totally kidding, not serious for one second, I think I said this because saying "stop, please seriously stop" didn't work.

I said the "R" word (rape) and as soon as I said this the mood was gone, he said that is not funny, I take it seriously. He said that if anyone heard that they could call the cops and I could go straight to jail. As soon as I said the word though I said kidding kidding, just joking, I'm sorry. I apologized numerous times. So after lying there with him on the floor hiding for about 20 minutes I decided to go, I feel like I overstayed my welcome and that the next time he plans on kicking me out at a certain time, I will leave at that time, period.

I wrote him a note saying that I was sorry and that I shouldn't have said the word, and that I loved him, he just lied on the floor the entire time that I was writing the note, I was trying not to cry thats why I left when I did, I showed my self out and balled all the way home.

Sometimes relationships aren't perfect, I wasn't expecting mine to be but so far in the 5.5 months that we have been together we have never ended on a bad note like this where he didn't say one word to me and if I touched him he said "I'm good, seriously, I'm good"

I lost sleep because of what happened last night, its just like me to kill the mood, I've done it before, even with friends, I guess I'm good at killing the mood, I'm a mood killer.

I don't know what I want to be told out of this situation by any of you fellow busties, but if you have any advice of how I should feel about it, should I get over it, etc. I would greatly appreciate it. Share experiences where the mood was killed for some reason or another, I just needed to vent this to someone. Thank you for reading.

maimy
Curious, this thread is supposed to be a funny spot where we post dorky things our dates have said to us. And you already posted this entire thing in General Relationship advice. And you have gotten advice there.

I know you don't particularly like the advice you've been receiving here, but continuing to post the same thing in multiple places won't change that advice, or garner the reinforcement of this bad relationship you appear to be looking for from us.

I am sorry the situation is so bad for you. But the solution - to leave the situation - is not one you have wanted to hear. Unfortunately, there's little else that will actually fix the problems for you. And the problems aren't going to magically disappear.
curiouskat6
I only post in this thread because what I said was stupid and I wish I hadn't said it but also because there have been times when my posts haven't been answered for days on end. Im sorry
hellotampon
The other day I asked my boyfriend what what the deal was with that hideous lamp in his car. I said it dumb and ugly, etc. and he replied that it was an art project of his.

Ack.
maimy
Curious, nothing to be sorry about. We all go unanswered; it's the nature of online life sometimes. Just - this is supposed to be a light, funny thread, so I figured a heads-up might be in order. I did answer you elsewhwere ...

Hello, I wish I could count the number of times I have done things like that. Oy.
smarttart
last year after i broke up with my live- in boyfriend (asshole) of two years he wouldn't give me back some of my belongings. Important stuff like my passport and computer programs. He said it was "BREAK-UP TAX"

PS. i did finally get it back after taking a police officer to his house
p_176
the guy i had a date with this past weekend asked how big my boobs were. it was totally funny. he was like, i don't want to be an ass, but i've been checking them out all evening. LOL he said, wow! when i told him how big they were....he had to struggle not to touch them....hehe

but, breakup tax?? whatever!
tyger
when me and my boything are making out and being silly every few minutes he'll stop and tell me what random thing he's thinking about (like crackers, squirrel houses, etc). I think it's kinda funny.
so, the other night we were doing homework and he got stuck on a math problem, so we started making out when...
Him:"I've got it!" *starts writing stuff down on the page*
Me: "So instead of (list of random crap) now you think about your homework when you're kissing me?"
Him: *still writing* "Don't think about it too much."
the_geiger
That's hilarious tyger. I think about things like that when I'm making out, too. My ex-girlfriend (the rebound girl) would always ask me what I was thinking about when we were making out, expecting some romantic shit, when really I was thinking about Torchwood, or making scarves, after awhile I just quit answering the question.
tyger
my friend cougarlion now claims i provide 'mouth to mouth intelligence' (or inspiration? i don't quite remember)
knorl05
in the midst of having really intense conversation he says to me:

"you know its funny how you can sit there and have a conversation with the most attractive person and ignore what they say because everything coming out of their mouth is nonsense.. but then you can talk to someone who is not so attractive or kind of weird and everything they say is interesting."

hmm. which category do you think he thought i fell under. *humph* at least he thinks i'm interesting i suppose..

but then he tried to backtrack with.. "and then there are those who fall right in the middle" and i reply "yeah the grey matter" knowing full well he thinks i'm a weirdo. oh well.
_octinoxate
Tsss, what a conversational klutz! (For the record--though I'm certain you're both fascinating AND hot!-- I'd rather be interesting and not so hot than pretty and boring any day.)


Here's a good one-- not a dumb thing *said*, but *done*: As I'm putting big-time moves on my current guy, and just as things are starting to get underway, he stops and says "I didn't turn my humidifier on!" And this has happened MORE THAN ONCE, believe it or not! rolleyes.gif It's become a running joke.
knorl05
(((_octi))) you are the best. smile.gif thanks for the words of encouragement.. i really do think i'm not the guy's type tho, which is entirely ok with me.

ah ha ha. that's funny... i wonder why at that moment he would worry about something like that! it seems like it would be a total kill. that's like me running to the bathroom to go pee in the middle of sex 'hold that thought'.. oh yeah, that's hot.
maimy
Interesting lasts.

Pretty rarely does, and isn't even the same thing from one beholder to the next.
maimy
Interesting lasts.

Pretty rarely does, and isn't even the same thing from one beholder to the next.
culturehandy
any time I hear the phrase "my ex wife..." listen, I don't want to know about your previous marriage.
anna k
I didn't know where to post this, but I was accosted by two men today, and was annoyed by both.

On the subway, some cross-eyed looking guy who looked wasted was having various conversations with himself and one-sided conversations with other people. He saw me and another girl, and he started talking to her, and she ignored him by reading and listening to music. So he started on me, and after he drawled "You're hot," I got up and sat on the other side of the car.

Then when I was walking back on the street in NYC, a guy stopped me on the street to tell me about some Aveda sales, and he kept touching me on the arm as he spoke, tapping my arm. I said I wasn't interested, and not to touch me. I walked away, and heard him say, "Exccuuuuse me," then "Have a nice day."

Blech.
kittenb
This is not a specific comment, but today I got an email from someone I had a date with last summer. I think it was last summer. Maybe spring. Anyway, I did not think I could have been clearer in my desire to never hear from him again. I have blocked all of his known emails and yet today, in my inbox, was a note from him with a link to a story about being anti-social.

WHAT THE HELL?
Muffy
Anna,
I can't even imagine why some men think that being a complete ass is going to make us want them. Like what are you going to say to some drunk guy that say's hey your hot?!

you know what pisses me off is when guys yell to me when I'm just walking down the street minding my own business... I don't understand what they expect me to do other than maybe flip them the bird.
maimy
This wasn't a date, but a guy I have treated with more forbearance than pretty much anybody else who's ever met him. He knows kog3100, knows I'm utterly disinterested in him, knows that I'd rather go without sex for three YEARS than consider straddling his ass. And he greets me this weekend, without so much as a hello, by saying, "When're you going to let me take you home and shove my cock in your pussy?"

Moron. Fucking moron.
maimy
Well, you got me dead to rights, Rudderless. I was putty in his hands. We did it in the bathroom at the back of the bar, actually. Several times. Then he went to the boys' room and collected fifty cents a pop from all the other strapping young studs in the bar, and held up my underpants to commemorate Our Love. Just like in "Sixteen Candles" - so romantic.

Then he wrote my number on the wall. It's been very exciting ever since. I can't believe how popular I've become, and all because of ... him ...



It is to sigh.

Ew.
rositachiquita58
Ha ha ha!

Last night I had a first date and the guy told me a story about how his friend asked him to piss in a bottle so he could pass a drug test and then (his friend) spilled the pee all over himself.

How do you get to your mid-twenties and think this is appropriate?? Otherwise I kind of like him, though.
zoya
rosita - ok, maybe I'm juvenile in my mid-30's, but I actually think that's funny.... then again, I am the girl who loves really wrong senses of humor...
archegonia
hey ladies,

my co-woker and i were just discussing a mutual aquaintance today. hes the kind of guy who asks out every woman he meets. in an attempt to impress he told her that his iq is so high that he can see ghosts!!! i didnt ask wether she bursted then or if she had the capacity to hold it in...
wink.gif,

a
rositachiquita58
Zoya--
It *was* funny; it just wasn't the kind of thing I wanted to talk about on a first date...maybe I'm just old-fashioned. tongue.gif
_octinoxate
here's a recent one:

me: "no, i'm not into politics, but social justice and reform are important to me so--"
him: "yeah! i'm totally into social reform. like: i was just thinking the other day, you know, SEVENTEEN should be the new EIGHTEEN."

cool guy, though. attractive, too... smile.gif
cinderflower

Ha ha ha!

Last night I had a first date and the guy told me a story about how his friend asked him to piss in a bottle so he could pass a drug test and then (his friend) spilled the pee all over himself.

How do you get to your mid-twenties and think this is appropriate?? Otherwise I kind of like him, though.


and I'm almost 50 going on thirteen so I should be old-fashioned but I think it's funny too. As long as he had plenty of other things to say.
maimy
I have to say, "Seventeen is the new eighteen" is right up there for me with "brown is the new black" and "Fifty is the new forty" and all the other Pronouncements from On High we love to entertain ourselves with for five minutes' worth of breathless fadspeak.

Awesome. Hee.
Muffy
I was wearing shorts and I am a very tall woman and yeah they were short shorts. I'm at a shopping plaza in a nice part of the city and some asshole makes the comment to me, 'your wearing your short short today' then he has the gaul to ask me if I can give him some money - I don't know this guy by the way. I suppose I was supposed to be so flattered by the fact that some guy is checking out my ass that I'd give him anything he wants?!

Later today I get an email, some guy was apparently on my website and is soliciting me, he asked me if I needed any male models for my art. I am not looking for models nor have I mentioned it on my website...
*slaps forehead*
They are coming at me in all directions today!
EllaMinnowPea
One-night stand: How would you rate this? On a scale of one to ten.
LustfullyPink
"Well... I've got three other girls who like me a lot more than you do so... I don't think we're gonna work out" WTF?! He'd already pulled the "I've got three other girls who like me" The above mentioned came in a later conversation. *laughs* Dumbass.
humanist77
I don't know where else to put this, but I have to tell. He definitely was not my date, but he was trying to hit on me.

Last weekend I was at a party with mostly familiar people, so I was a little drunk, and drunkenly dancing for a good laugh (I'm a terrible dancer), and this guy was apparently watching me. He was all emo-y looking, some vintagey t-shirt, tight jeans, and the black framed glasses. A little later he came up to me, and said awkwardly, "you know you're a really good dancer, yeah you know I really like a girl that can dance really well, but is also like emo, and into Bright Eyes. Like, I would definitely ask a girl like that for her number-can I have you number? Because I totally just like a girl that, ya know, can party and like have a good time, but also likes Bright Eyes."

I just laughed at him, but tried not to be too mean-I said "first of all, thank you, but I'm a terrible dancer, second of all I'm not a huge fan of Bright Eyes (where the hell did he get that?!) and third, I have a boyfriend, so...sorry?"

these silly emo boys-is Conor Oberst their fucking GOD?

He took it well, laughed at himself, and slowly backed away...
anna k
I was creeped out by a cab driver I had last night, who immediatelly started telling me about his girlfriend's search for a job, her hot sister who can eat whatever she want and not get fat, his two other girlfriends or may or may not know about each other, this 19-year old he was dating when he was 35 and how she's 23 now and wants him back (he's butt-ugly), and I let him talk to listen to what was going on in his life, but he seriously came off as a freak to me.
ginger_kitty
Years ago when I was dating, I remember this one guy freaking out because I didn't notice what a great job of parking he did.

Him: Pretty sweet parking huh?
me: What?
Him: I just noticed you didn't mention what a great spot I found, or how I pulled in.
me: Wow, great parking(thick with sarcasism.)
Him: Well you don't have to be condescending.

Then through the entire date he kept bringing it up and wierding me out. It was our only date, of course. I really picked some winners.
kittenb
I cannot remember the exact quote but in the first five minutes of yesterday's date, here is what I heard: "You're a Pagan? Why don't you just give that up and just be a Christian? It's pretty much the same and you seem awfully smart to have any religious beliefs"

All I could think was, "I am going to need wine for this date."
hellotampon
I remember back in the day when I was working second shift I would be all by myself, and one of the customers said, "wow, you have the biggest breasts I have ever seen." I kinda gave him the "say WHAT?" look and he apologized, then continued to talk about them. "It's just that I've never seen such big breasts on such a tiny girl" etc. etc.
kittenb
Oh jeeze HT. That is just ridiculous.

On Saturday at 12:15 AM I rec'd a text from some guy that I had sent my phone number to over a week a go. We have never spoken over the phone or in person. His text just said that he was checking to see if this was a cell phone. When I woke up I wrote back "Is this ______?" 30 hours later I got another text from him saying that yes it was him. He had been at a lame party and he thought I might want to meet up with him that night.

So he text messaged a booty call to someone he had never met and never chose to call. Wow. Way to make a girl feel special.
magratheanrogue
Most recent "dude-quotes":

1) "Damn, if that isn't a badonkadonk butt, I don't know what is!"
- If the guy was trying to belittle my lovely ass, the joke's on him. I love my curves AND my booty!

2) "So, guess what? I found worms in my poop the other day!"
- Some guy who's been trying to get intp my pants for over a year. Keep in mind this was on a packed transit bus and spoken at a
very high volume. I had reason to suspect this guy was socially retarded, but now I'm convinced he's just plain crazy.






Typewriter

How about this?

"Don't tell anyone, but a few years back, some buddies and I were camping and we were making bets as to who could come the fastest. So right there in the woods, we all went our separate ways and had a contest. I won."

I figure the "don't tell anyone" doesn't apply in this forum. We're all pretty anonymous here, right?
Har, har, har.
The HBIC
This was in 11th grade: (We'd only been dating about a month)

me: Yea..I've always been self-conscious about my nose.
dick: Yea.. I did notice it was kinda crooked. Don't worry, I'll be making enough money to fix that one day.

WOW. I wish I could go back in time and spit in his face.

Now I totally embrace my crooked nose! No one's ever gonna "fix" it!
LustfullyPink
Oh oh oh oh OOOOOH I just remembered this one! A total jackass I dated for little bit awhile back.

We were at the movies and we had gotten some dinner in the foodcourt before the movie was supposed to start. He turns around while we are in line for the movie and says at the top of his voice:

"What's wrong? Want more Chick-Fil-A, Fatty?"
hellotampon
Oh my god WHY would he say that??? That's awful.

This isn't an idiotic thing someone said, I just thought it was funny and dumb- my coworker told me that someone walked into the cooler door and hit his face because he was turned around staring at me. I didn't even notice. Too bad, because I'm sure if I'd seen him do it, it would have been even more embarassing.
AnodeCathode
Hiya, your friendly neighbourhood Y chromosome carrier here. I came to this site originally looking at the Best Breakup Music thread for ideas. Read this thread in my further exploration. Hilarious stuff, I'm amazed at the stuff that comes out of peoples mouths.

From my perspective on the "Say WHAT", I've learned women can be far more devastating with three simple monosyllabic words, "Is that it?" (And I swear this was after at least 10 or 15 seconds rolleyes.gif )

AnodeCathode
maimy
Anode and Magrathean, welcome. I was going to say I liked Anode's sig, but Magrathean, I have to tell you the imagery of your second quote down there has my head *spinning* right now. (And the inevitable response, I assume, was, "Why YES, Worm Poops, I'd LOVE to invite you into my crotch tonight!!" Yes? ... No ... ?? Oy gevault.)
kcrile
Can I just say how much I am loving this thread!!!! I am at work and I'm trying not to just dissolve into peels laughter (thankfully I am working at a school and it is summer vaca so there aren't a lot of people around.)

I really wish I had something as good to contribute, but alas I do not!!
Lilith
My friends and I have a blog... there's a specific section just for Dumb Things Guys Say to us. rolleyes.gif

My favorites still have to be a tie between:

A. the guy I ran into walking home from the train station who said, "It's so weird. If we had never met before... then I wouldn't remember you." (Uh, no shit genius. You don't remember people you've never met).

B. the creepy Bosnian serial killer who approached us at the beach at 3am (yeah don't ask)... "You don't want massage? But I have van!"
doodlebug
Oh, I just remembered this one....how could I have forgotten? Maybe I blocked it...

Said by a guy I had just met and only ever went on one date with:

"I will take you to Las Vegas if you promise never to cut your hair."

(Oh, sweetie, really? Vegas? Wow!)

This was back in the days when my hair went down to my ass.

Of course, I've since cut it off and I'm never looking back.
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