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mouse
the other day the guy at the post office told me my drivers license picture was prettier than i am in real life. i was picking up a package and had to show my ID and his first reaction was "this not you!" (he apparently has very bad english). i swore it was me and after saying "this not you!" several times, he finally pointed to the photo and went "you prettier here".

WTF? just because you don't have a good grasp on english doesn't mean you can get away with shit like that. i'm sure that's offensive in any language. it's one thing to say "hey, that's a good picture of you" (and i'll admit, it is a flattering photo, especially for a license photo) its another to say it's PRETTIER than i actually am.
edie52
Mouse, that sucks. My health care photo is crazy flattering, and while people have said "wow, that a REALLY good photo of you," and I know that the subtext is that the photo is prettier than me, it would sting if they actually said that. That's just plain rude.
ihateoly
I feel your pain, ladies. I photograph well sometimes and I get that a lot as I am a chubby girl. Meh. Everyone has days where they look fabulous and those photos don't lie. It's just that we all have so-so days also and who has the energy to put forth the effort to look super hot all the frakin' time anyway? Freaks, that's who.
auralpoison
Um. this is gonna sound horrible, but I spent two hours getting ready for my ID photo. The one before it? Let's just say I'd had more than one person burst into laughter it was so bloody awful. People always tell me the new one is a good picture of me, little do they know I busted an ovary to *ensure* it did.
zoya
AP... I've done the same thing. In fact, not only did I do my hair, make up, experiment with which top would look best in photos, etc.. but when I got my last passport photo done, I ended up going to 4 different places in one day and having them all do a photo, so that I could pick the best one. Call me vain, but when people all over the world are going to be looking at my photo for the next 10 years, I'd rather look fabulous than shitty.
auralpoison
Seriously, a guy at Heathrow nearly pissed his pants at the horrible picture on the passport I got at fourteen. He actually called another guy over to look at it! I was still fighting the teenage uglies & was sick as a dog when it was taken. I vowed never again. The new one I primped & preened forever to make sure it looked goooood.
ihateoly
I get that not only with pictures where I look nice, but when people see my husband. I swear, I have heard "that's YOUR huband?", "You're MARRIED?", "Wow, your husband is cute" more times than I care to count. I'm not a bad lookin' girl but I am chubby and so, people seem to be surprised that I am a)married in the first place or b)married to someone attractive and interesting. Ugh. Most of that was from bitchy co-workers, btw. Mean-assed bitches. dry.gif
auralpoison
This wasn't so much idiotic as it was really funny. I almost peed on him it was so funny.

G watched his very first episode of the L Word with me tonight. At one point he started giggling madly & I couldn't figure out for the life of me why. It wasn't a funny episode except for Dawn Denbo's comeuppance. Finally, in between gasps & wheezes, he said he may dress like a hick country guy, but I dress like an upwardly-mobile, high-powered LA lesbian. After I stopped laughing, I thought, I'll take it, those ladies are sharp dressers!
RobotLordsofTokyo
There was a guy who liked me. I was not so fond of him.

I was married, he had a girlfriend. He told me he loved me.

He would often call me when he was drunk and tell me things. Like, he found some girl off of craigslist and had a sexual experience
that lasted for hours. I asked him how often he drank, he denied that he had a problem.

So, let's see:
drinking problem
cheats on his girlfriend, but is in love with me.

I threw this fish back into the water. What a loser!!!
acewalker
i've been dating a guy for almost 3 years whose mouth generally moves quicker than his brain. thus, too many classic moments to even recall, some very hurtful, and some hilarious.

"nothing could be worse than your name" (he meant better?)
"i'm so sick of people telling me the same different things!" (excuse me?)
"i do the same for you...." (when i said i love you, luckily not for the first time)

those are just off the top of my head soundbites.
but he also gave me an honest answer to the question "what did you see in her?" which i thought was like a universal etched in stone question-not-requiring-a-real-answer.


the worst though, had to be when, after years of struggling, and dating him for awhile with very little emotional support (he was super busy all the time, and tried, but just didn't get it), and being diagnosed as bipolar, i was finally given my correct diagnosis of temporal lobe epilepsy. i was terrified and confused and a wisp of who i was supposed to be, basically. the first words out of his mouth, in a completely casual (dare i say jovial) tone?
"i knew you weren't crazy!"

took us AWHILE to get over that one....
nakedmolerat
when i was first dating my current boyfriend, he called me his ex-girlfriend's name when he told me he loved me. ouch. that one sucked. then to play it off, he tried to avert my attention and pointed out a decoration in the car parked next to us, like- oh hey! look at that! wtf? then to explain when i was obviously upset, told me it was a habit because he had dated her so long. i eventually forgave him, but i still cringe when i think about it. ugh.
acewalker
oh man, that's a good (bad!) one. no really though, OUCH.

something i will still always cringe about:
he got tickets for us to see the hives, which i was THRILLED ABOUT, and then lost my ticket on the day of the show and didn't have the money or willingness to go downtown and get me another ticket even though it was hours before and i was busy. so he decides to just go to the show without me because "sometimes you just have to put yourself first."

then he got mad that i hung up on him.

thank god he's grown up!
crazyoldcatlady
QUOTE
he got tickets for us to see the hives, which i was THRILLED ABOUT, and then lost my ticket on the day of the show and didn't have the money or willingness to go downtown and get me another ticket even though it was hours before and i was busy. so he decides to just go to the show without me because "sometimes you just have to put yourself first."


you know, that would make a great FML (see the Bizarro thread):

"Today, my boyfriend lost my ticket to see The Hives on the day of the show. He said he didn't have the money or willingness to go downtown to get me another ticket... so he decides to just to go to the show without me because 'Sometimes you just have to put yourself first.'" FML.



DAMN YOU, CH!
starship
ha,dunno why but that reminds me of when my ex was trying to get me back (after he'd basically done every crappy thing he couldve, topped off with a nice little affair)- "but I always intended to come back to you" said in a totally serious 'she'll be falling at my feet any minute fo sho' tone. flabberghasted.
it was more of a fuck your life moment tbh dry.gif





(love that site)
acewalker
haha good call! i'm totally going to do that, and thereby add to the legions of time that people (like me) waste on that entertaining site...


and starship, what did you even say to that? i'd have been like "funny cause i always intended to kick you in the shins right now" (and then do it)
foryoursplendor
Once a guy told me that he didn't like having sex at my apartment because my room mate was gay, and he was scared he was going to walk into my room one day and catch us. Huh?

He didn't last long.
auralpoison
blink.gif What did the guy think was gonna happen? The gay roomie was gonna come in & magically plug him while he was going to town on you? That's a new one.
zoya
when having the break up talk with me

"we'll always have good memories of fun times and great sex."


um... that does NOT help.
Persiflager
Haha zoya! I got "Well, I'll never have another girlfriend with tits as good as yours". I think he was trying to make me laugh to stop me crying. Made me angry instead, so it sort of worked!
zoya
ugh.. i hate that stuff... It's like, if they like stuff about you so much, why are they breaking up with you??? I don't get guys.
Persiflager
I just felt patronised, like I was meant to be all "ohh, I was really upset but now you've told me I look pretty I feel all happy and validated! Thank you for fixing my fragile self-esteem which was totally dependent on your opinion of me!".

Honestly, the egos on these guys - does he think you've never had fun times or great sex with anyone else before?!
lilacwine13
I think I might have told someone that when we were breaking up, I was just trying to be nice and not sound bitter. I have a tendency to be socially awkward, though.



This is one that happened a while back:

In the bedroom, fooling around, and after he tells me I'm beautiful I hear something along the lines of this:

"You must excuse me, it's been a long time since I had a naked female to play with."

Yeah, it didn't go well after that. dry.gif
sybarite
Some years back this guy was stringing two of us along and lying about it. I finally found out and he ended whatever the hell our relationship had been. His parting words were 'you have good instincts. You should trust them.' Gee, thanks.

He got his a few years afterwards though... dry.gif
auralpoison
"You laugh like a Teamster."
lanyo
these are really funny!
a guy i kinda dated in high school, and then dated really a couple years ago asked me during this second time around "what made you lose all that weight?" i had to explain pudgy teen-ness, and now being a grown-up.
on our first time out (this second try) when the bill came i dug out some cash. he glanced over and said, "so, this isn't a date?" i told him "i don't like other people paying my way. especially on a date"
he was a cutie-pants tho. le sigh
rubberdollz
AP... you had a date tell you that you laughed like a teamster? What the hell?!?!?!

I was always pretty reserved if and when I dated someone. I was kind of sort of seeing this guy who was a friend of a my really good friend. So I asked my friend about him before I agreed to actually hang out and he tells me "well he's not an ax murderer or anything." I didn't know what kind of comparison that was?

I did end up agreeing to hang out with him and we did a few times and I'm pretty shy and reserved, there are some things I don't talk about in the beginning of a relationship. He decides to start telling me about "dutch oven," I had no freaking idea what that was? He explained to me and I nervously laughed it off but I was pretty grossed out that he brought that up. We didn't last too much longer after that.....
zoya
so I text for a bit with this guy yesterday afternoon, he asks if I'm getting up to any mischief since it's a friday night, I say I'm going to dinner with friends later, does he want to join? He says no, he's meeting up with friends in a few for some drinks, not sure about later. I respond saying cool, not sure what we're doing after eating, but to text me later. None of it a big deal, we had no plans, all fair enough.

at 11:30 pm I'm at a bar with my friends drinking and I get a text from said guy: "get yer pussy ass out partyboy"

2 minutes later he sends a second text: "That somehow went to the wrong person"

I respond: "that's ok, I get that text all the time......" (funny me.. ha)


to which I receive no response. it's now 3 pm Saturday, and still no response. ass.
acewalker
actually, on my first ever date with that same guy, (this is basically 3 years ago) he somehow got onto the topic of pus. specifically, how there are (apparently) two different types of pus. their attributes. etc.

it was actually kind of funny though.
ketto
I feel kind of bad for putting this here, but the boy does one thing that actually bothers me a fair bit. Earlier on when we were talking about dirty talk I gave him some examples of things that turned me on that other partners had said in the past. I did this in the hopes he would get an idea of what kind of things i like to hear...instead he's recycled them. It's kind of creepy but I don't want to tell him during sex not to do it, and I keep forgetting to tell him at other times. Current boyfriends saying ex partners dialogue...not good.
angie_21
(In high school) "I think kissing is kind of something you would wait to do in college, isn't it?" Needless to say, that was the last date.

Oh wow Ketto, that would creep me out! Maybe you can just hint that more variety would be nice? Or start saying new things of your own to try to distract him? Maybe he is just shy to say new things that haven't been specifically approved by you, in case he offends you.
ketto
He's new at things so I know he is still figuring out what to say (so am I for that matter, I've always been one who likes to hear dirty things but I know I need to be more vocal for him too). I think next time I'm over I'll just have to mention it in the least non-creepy kind of way I can.

Ang-e-la-la
"There's this story in the bible... It says that some people eat out of necessity, and others eat for pleasure. Those who eat out of necessity should not judge those who eat for pleasure. So it's okay if we have sex."

(from a 24 y/o virgin, trying desperately to justify pre-marital sex to himself).
humanist77
wow. some moron on my dating site sent me this today in regards to my pictures:

"smile honey , it will be alright, you need a good man!"

i don't even know where to start with a response. I would just ignore him, but he needs some schooling rolleyes.gif

ETA: what's that site where you can submit awful personal's site messages??
Persiflager
Ha ha, that's awful humanist! And you know he will never understand why.

Try Why Women Hate Men .
humanist77
That's a good one, persiflager-thanks! The one I'm thinking of is solely for posting terrible messages that people receive on dating sites. WWHM is pretty hilarious though-there are so many awful profiles! Poor grammar & punctuation, idiotic statements, unflattering photos. yikes.
thanks again!
kittenb
Humanist - are you thinking of Weird Dating Emails.com? I think that site (sadly) went down awhile ago. sad.gif
zoya
guy who I met (unfortunately) 3 days before I was leaving town, after going for a drink last night:


"give me a call next time you're in town - if I'm still lonely, and still single, we should definitely go out"


ok, the above statement was taken a bit out of the context of the convo, but still..... urgh.
treehugger
OMG persiflager...I just spent three hours at that site! Hilarious. smile.gif
zoya
Honestly, I think this might take the cake:

So last night at a party I see this guy who I hooked up with last time I was in town. We have a mutual friend who we're both very close with, so most likely we're going to cross paths when I'm around. No biggie. I don't feel weird about things at all, and I think the guy is cool. So this guy and I had some light conversation during the course of the evening, nothing strained or anything, but I just kinda felt a small vibe that there was this pink elephant in the middle of the room, and decided to just address it and diffuse things completely. So the next time I'm standing talking to the guy, I say "SO......we were pretty fucked up last time I was here, and you know, shit happens...." and was preparing to say something about how it's all good, etc.. when he says "Here's the deal, I can't have a relationship with someone who lives 5000 miles away."

WHAT???!!!!!! who the fuck thinks "relationship" after a drunken night running around with friends and subsequent hook up???!!! HUH???

I was so caught off guard, I was dumbstruck. All I could do was gape at him and say "wow. WOW. Uh.. that was not what I expected to hear, at all." I finally just had to tell hi m that I'd like to finish the conversation another time, because I really just didn't know what to say after that.

so either this guy is totally full of himself, or he's used to girls who actually think that, or I was not that far off base when I thought to myself back then that if I lived here, he probably would have asked me out. who the fuck knows.... dork!
Persiflager
Awww, I think he likes you!
zoya
....I dunno about that, I honestly think that he somehow thought that I wanted to pursue a relationship with him after that night. I'd told him we should keep in touch, but it was because I thought he was cool, and we have mutual friends. Not because I thought we'd end up in some kinda thing.... christ.
angie_21
Full of himself.. assuming you hadn't even talked since you slept together. Why the F would he think just because you slept together, you wanted a relationship, if you hadn't yet pursued any relationship before or after sleeping together?
roseviolet
Ditto what Angie said. Plus it seems weird that he felt a need to burst out such a blunt statement in that environment. I'm hoping he wasn't sober because then he'd have a decent excuse for that odd outburst.
auralpoison
I thought I might post this to tickle the funnybones: Psychotic Letters From Men. At one point or another, we've all known that guy. That guy that that read waaaaay too much into things, was simply clueless, or an outright psychopath.

A few years ago, I started talking to a guy in a writer's group I was in. He seemed nice enough, he was also interested in screenwriting. He lived/matriculatedl/worked about sixty-five miles away, so we exchanged IM info.

We talked a few times in one week, we got to know each other a little better, but I always turned the topics back to writing from personal talk because he threw up a few red flags. Like, he was pretty immature, had a poor relationship with all of the women in his family, he seemed a bit needy. He was also overly-effusive in his compliments to me, always telling me what a great find I was & how glad he was to have met me. I always brushed it off with, "Yeah, it's always nice to meet somebody else with unrealistic ideas about being a successful writer, haha." I didn't want to encourage his growing interest in me, but I also didn't want to lose a valuable filmic resource: he was a clerk in a HUGE indie video store, my own little personal QT & he *said* he said he was in the local uni's film program.

In the middle of our fourth conversation he abruptly asked me, "Do you think of me as a boyfriend? I just want to know now because that's where my mind is heading." I politely explained, not really, I didn't really know him very well, I wasn't into the LDR thing, & was fairly newly broken up. He was disappointed, claimed he understood, but did ask that I keep him in mind. Whatevs, right? Things got progressively worse.

He started trying to take it from the web (He tried to get me to friend him on Myspace, um, NO.) to the phone & when that failed he suggested I make a weekend trip up to visit him. Which I wasn't comfortable with, I barely knew this guy from Adam, I felt IM was enough. I didn't want him knowing my number, nor did I want to enter into his basement apartment in his mom's house (The mom he called the "Shrew"). Again, he was a resource, I didn't want to use him, but I didn't want to lose him either. I again explained I wasn't looking for a relationship, but that perhaps if we got to know each other better, I might feel more comfortable with talking on the phone. Basically, lets talk movies & get to know one another so that I know you aren't a total psycho.

And so the pouting & attempted manipulation began. "I had a really bad day. Could you please call me, I just want to hear your voice again. It would make me feel so much better." No, I don't know you, I don't trust you. This made him stamp his feet & pout. "Why don't you trust me?" Because trust is *earned*, not demanded. You don't get it just because you want it. He started sending me bad POETRY (If you'd like a sample, PM me!) & little missives about not trusting him, why didn't I trust him, why did I continue talking to him if I didn't trust him, how was he to get me to trust him if I didn't give him a chance. Again, I explained that if he'd stop being such a pushy dick & just talked to me like a normal person, he'd probably earn my trust much quicker than he was by making demands like a spoiled little kid. "If I act so much like a spoiled little kid, then why are you still talking to me?" Y'know what? You're right. Good luck with your writing, have a good life. "Fine. Whatever. You're a bitch just like the rest of them."

I thought that would be the end of it. I did. Then once, twice a week I'd get an "I'm sorry, please talk to me." or else a "Why don't you trust me?", "Why don't you like me anymore?" IM. But, because he was so darn clever, he'd send it in Latin or he'd hit up Yahoo Babelfish & send it in French or something. I let it go on for a bit to see how long he'd keep it up before I got bored & just deleted/blocked him.

Oh, he didn't go to the uni. He did work at the video store, but he was, again, that guy. The one all his seventeen-year-old coworkers & twenty-year-old manager had a pool on to see how long it took for him to crack up. The one that was thirty-three & had theme costumes for various horror/comedy movies. His pics on his social networking page? Were of him in the various costumes, most prominently a topnotch Ghostbusters suit with proton pack surrounded in the smoke of a ghostbusting gone well.
lilacwine13
The morning after...

Him: So I fingered you, huh?....It's weird, like some sort of instinct or something, but I've smelled my hand two or three times now and I've had this thought of asking you for a blowjob. Maybe I should wash them.


Sigh...I didn't have the heart to tell him that yes, certain odors can do that to a person. laugh.gif
auralpoison
This? Was awesome. Like awesomely awesome. I laughed so hard a little pee came out, even.

The guy from my post from 07/20/09 right down below? Fucking contacted me the other night. He'd apparently been neglecting his Yahoo & wanted to know who I was. I told him not to worry about it, delete me & move on. He said okay, but didn't really mean it. Every few minutes he came back asking for hints as to my identity, I kept telling him to forget it & move on. He finally had his "aha!" moment & figured out who I was. And started FLIRTING with me in his awkward, back-handed way. I was "secretive, but very funny". How much he liked my style, I remind him of some incredibly talented writer, blahblahblah. The kicker: HE ASKED ME IF I'D SEND A PICTURE OF MYSELF TO HIM. What the ever-living motherfuck? I had not IM'd with this guy in literally years, I severed our association because he was a big baby, but he still wanted a picture of me to call his own?! Yes, the crazy is strong in that one!
epinephrine
Ugh. I'm having Facebook issues with a crazy girl I dated a million years ago who won't leave me alone. I've been afraid to delete her because of the potential for upping the craziness, as we live in the same city and know the same people and we run into each other occasionally, and also because I haven't had any kind of beef with her recently that would justify it to her and thereby deflect some of the craziness. I know she'd notice if I deleted her, and I know she'd be really hurt and upset about it. I made the mistake of posting an open invitation to a possible Anti-Valentines party I'm thinking of having in my status, and she immediately invited herself. The girl's just really codependent and dysfunctional. She totally ignores things like boundaries and common courtesies, and she doesn't seem to notice the negative response people have to this behaviour. As they withdraw from her, she just tries harder. She has a way of inviting herself into people's lives, and when she quickly wears out her welcome with her neediness and lack of respect, she makes it really hard for them to get rid of her. She takes everything really personally and flies off the handle easily, making it difficult to do something proactive like just tell her straight up to back off and leave you alone. I don't know what to do about her.

Incidentally, so this post isn't completely off topic, this girl had some real gems, too. Like I said, it was a million years ago, so I don't remember the exact phrasing, but she used to talk incessantly about her exes and how - horror of horrors - they all dated men after dating her. She got a total complex about it and viewed it as a kind of betrayal. I've always identified (hesitantly) as bi, and I remember her telling me, not long after I finally managed to break it off with her, that "bi girls always screw her over." And no, I wasn't dating any guys. She just thought anyone who broke up with her was screwing her over, and it was because they weren't 100% lesbian. Which she actually wasn't either. Every time she brought it up, I wanted to say they were all scared to date women after her. And I did end up dating a guy. I just never told her!

Yeah. And all the times when she tried to defend her view that she "could never date someone who wasn't the same race as her." That shit was the deal-breaker. Well, her whole personality was a deal-breaker, but that was the most obvious deal-breaking feature. That was like the eject button. She actually told me, quite proudly and self-righteously, as if she was the most progressive person in the world, that she "almost dated an Asian chick, but then she didn't, because they were too different."

And the now-infamous line she used on me three weeks after we first met and went for coffee, which I'd thought was just coffee and which I'd only agreed to because I was drunk when she asked: "Guess what! We've been dating for three weeks!" Aaaaaaagh!

Yeah. She tricked me into dating her. I should have just listened to the little voice screaming at me to run away when I heard that, but...I was bored, I guess, and wanted to get laid...stupid epi.

So...should I just delete her and suffer the crazy, needy, unpredictable consequences?
zoya
epi - you don't have to delete her, just create a friend list for her and her alone, then set the privacy settings on that list so that she can't really see anything. You can set it so she can't see your status updates or even your wall, only the photo albums you want her to see, etc etc. that way she's not deleted, but she has very restricted viewing of your FB page....
ketto
epi, I'm sort of dealing with the same thing. I dated this guy two years ago who just will not get out of my life. Reading your post, my instinct was to say just cut the ties and let it go but I haven't done that either. He has a bunch of my DVD's but at this point I'm ready to let them go. He texts me or emails me every so often trying to get me to go out and I've got his favourite belt (yeah, i know) so he's always asking if he can come by sometime to get it. I don't want him to know where I live though because he texted me on NYE and said, "Happy new years, I love you". I've been in another relationship for a year and a half and we LIVE TOGETHER.

I think we should both just delete these people and hope they disappear forever. tongue.gif
epinephrine
Well, I put her on a list and discovered that on FB chat I can sort of switch that list off so she can't see I'm online, because whenever I log on and she happens to be online she messages me within seconds. I also deleted her comment on my post. Just before I figured out how to switch her off I logged on and she immediately sent me a message asking me what's the deal with the party and telling me how much she'd love to see me. Yikes.

I know that honesty is the best policy when dealing with everything, especially friendships, but I just don't know what to do when someone is kind of crazy and the normal code of conduct doesn't seem to apply. Just passively ignoring her and hoping she'll go away feels like such a shitty thing to do to someone, but I honestly don't feel like I could have a discussion with her about this. She just always comes on really strong - like, willfully oblivious to my personal space strong - and it totally freaks me out. The fact that she doesn't seem to have a clue that she makes me uncomfortable makes me even more uncomfortable, and also kind of worried. I hate confrontation, and this girl is very confrontational.

There's gotta be a diplomatic way to talk to her about this so she'll cool it and I won't have to deal with a lot of drama over something I have no reason to feel bad about. Fuck it. Maybe I should just do what I want and let the situation come to a head so I can just deal with it and get it over with. I just want her to leave me alone.

...God, can I ever pick 'em.
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