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funnybird
Okay, I've been meaning to post about this for ages. The London borough we live in is big on re-cycling, and has recently starting collecting food waste from residents for use in a giant communal compost/wormery. We have these small plastic buckets with carbon filters (to keep smells in) in the lids for the kitchen, and larger containers with lids to empty them into, which are left outside for collection by the council. It's a great idea; very green and ethical, and the carbon filters are very effective, but if not emptied frequently enough (and our's never is) the results are often spectacular. The other day the Boy opened the container in the kitchen to deposit some orange peel, and discovered that the contents were steaming and had grown a huge fuzzy coat of mould which looked like fur. We thought about naming it; it was probably the closest thing we'll have to a pet! Also, I must mention the the smell at emptying out time; it's like the vomit of someone who's been eating shit. I have to hold my breath while I'm doing it. I'd love to know where it goes after it's been collected. Imagine how stinky that must be!
girlygirlgag
Hey, bklyn, Hello Pot, this is kettle!

If you can't take that somebody might think your sexual perversions are weird and nasty, you get out of the kitchen! Who died and made you the BUST police, you have balls for being a newbie. In all my years here, I have never seen anyone call out like you did in the Gross thread. I have been here for almost four years, that's a long time, so congrats!
msgoofball
this morning, mr. gb asked for tweezers...says he's got a zit inside his nose....so automatically i perk up and say 'oh is that so?' so i have a try at it but its in such a precarious place that i am nervous....

so i hand off the tweezers...turns out there are 2 pustules....to which he squeezes with no fan fare...i pass a q-tip...he dabs...and he's done. thats it. but when i looked at his eyes, one was watery..so i know that it hurt...poor babe...
herculesgirl
A sneeze snuck up on me today before I had a chance to grab a tissue, and I sneezed a great big yellowish warm loogie into my bare hand (had a touch of a cold recently). It was SO gross, I felt the need to share.
puppykitty
Hi guys! I have returned to the bustie world with something a little bit gross to share.

I moved into a new apartment on Thursday. I spent my first night here on Friday - no problems. Saturday night I went out and get a little tipsy and came home at about 4:00 AM and decided to read for a little while. While I was reading, I detected movement in the corner of my eye. I looked up from my book and saw a little round gray mouse scurrying around my bedroom. I screamed and threw my book and was really quite shaken up. I was tired but afraid to sleep because I heard it rustling around in my kitchen.

I finally didn't hear anything for a long time, so I shut off my light and tried to sleep, all the while jumping at the slightest sound.

I drifted away to sleep, but then I felt someting on my neck, and the mousey climbed onto my cheek!!!!!

I grabbed that motherfucker and tossed it against the wall, and it ran back into my bed and scurried across my legs back into the kitchen. (My bed is a mattress on the floor)

I finally fell asleep after the sun came up.

The next day (yesterday), I phoned the apartment maintenance and told them about the mouse. They couldn't do anything until Monday, so I went to the store and bought some traps and poison pellets. Poor little duder. But he's got to go.

When I got home from the store, the little mousey was out exploring and scurrying about. I carefully put the traps next to his favorite hiding places and placed the poison pellets nearby.

I later heard som munching - maybe - just maybe some munching. The mousey then ran off into my pile of clothes on my bedroom floor. I'm such an idiot!

Now the mouse will eat (or already ate) the poison and will die in my messy bedroom where I won't find his decomposing corpse!

I spent the night at my friend's house last night to avoid getting too close to my visitor, and today I haven't see it yet. I just hope it crawls into a convenient-for-me hidey hole to die. I regret those poison pellets now. Shit.

herculesgirl
OMG Puppykitty! The mouse climbed onto your FACE...yikes!
lady_ell
*shudder*

mice are things that seriously make me want to scream and cry and curl into a little ball.
bklynhermit
i secretly think mice are cute, but ON YOUR FACE! oh my. this is precisely why, when i had to replace my futon last year, i made sure to get something involving a bedframe.

this also gives me an oppurtunity to relate my recent mouse woes, which aren't so much gross as extremely annoying. my apartment has a mouse. my roommate and i put out poison. we noticed something was eating the poison. we laughed with evil glee, yes, soon, our mousie will be dead.

nothing happened. the mouse actually got bigger and fatter and healthier!

so we bought the snapping traps of inhumane death. i spread four traps liberally with peanut butter and put them in mousie's favorite spots. the next day, all four traps had been LICKED CLEAN of peanut butter, without setting off a single one.

this mouse is smarter than i am. we should just start charging it rent.
puppykitty
Yikes - that sounds like some kind of mouse mutant. It is intelligent and nigh invulnerable!

I hope my mouse is dead today. I'm not looking forward to finding its remains, but I'm also not looking forward to seeing it come scampering out at around 8:00 tonight. Keep your fingers crossed guys.

Oh - one more gross thing I forgot to report. Last Thursday, my friends and I went to a Mexican border town to raise a ruckus. We shopped for a while, then went to a nice restaurant with cute waiters who served us many many shots of tequila on top of margarita after margarita. I wasn't that hungry, so all I ate was some queso fundido with chorizo and tortillas. For those who don't know, it is an appetizer of gooey melted cheese topped with extra greasy spicy sausage.

The next day I was expecting a huge hangover. I woke up fine, and took a shower and got my uniform on for work (I'm a pastry cook). I was a little bit early, so I went to Walgreen's to pick up a prescription. Just as I was walking toward the exit, I felt a great amount of turbulence in my lower gut. I walked faster, but there was nothing I could do.

I shit my pants in the Walgreen's.

It was bad. It soaked through my pants and was running down my leg. I then had to *sit* in my car and drive home to change and clean up. That was awful. I was so scared that I would soak my car seat with liquid crap.

I got home and stripped down and cleaned up, and it was worse than I had imagined. Runny rust colored pudding with seeds in it. Where the hell did the seeds come from?

So, yes, I shit my pants. There. Are you happy?
herculesgirl
Puppykitty: yes. Yes I am.

quietmadness
Puppykitty: Have shit myself like 8 times as an adult.
You are NOT alone.

Had a "gastric bypass" 10 years ago, and it literally almost killed me 4 different times. I was clinically dead on the table the 3rd time. FUCK a gastric bypass, is all I can say.

ANYWAY--I was in the car once, on the way home. All of a sudden, I get the mad cramping that tells you of an imposing bowel-related explosion-to-be.

Yeah. I passed through light after light. Stop sign, and curves. All the while, I'm developing the "white-knuckle-syndrome" that would normally accompany such an event in one's life.

I could just tell, it was ALL watery and explosive. Finally, like 3/4 of a mile from my house, it happened.

The shit. It just sorta like spewed forth from my tightly clenched ass. Through the jeans. Into the seat. Down the legs.

Yeah.
Been there...
zora
Pssst- Get cheerios and place them on the trap. Make sure you hook it into the part that spings the trap. The mouse will have to remove the cheerio in order to eat it and the trap will spring. Works every time.
lurvpaint
oh! Welcome back Miss PK! poor girls with the explosive bowels. I can't remember if I have shared my favorite friend's awesome nylon crapping story.

PK are you allergic to the cats? If not, they say cats with big ears are the best hunters....

nothing particuarly gross to report.
gogirlie
I had a lot of luck with the glue traps for my mouse visitors this past winter. They love peanut butter too. I hope it helps and they you just have to throw away the whole tray and not wait for the mouse to die somewhere.
bklynhermit
oooh, cheerios, that's good.
girlygirlgag
I call explosive bowels, a "rumble in the Bronx, southside". I have Chrohns, it happens a lot.
luleey
oh my cod...i usually just lurk here (i'm not a newbie, just post in the working grrls thread mostly) but all the pants-shitting stories made me long to share my own disgusting tale. so...
one day was feeling crappy all morning, stomach hurt, didn't know why, blah blah...though it could've been the bar food i ate the night before. finally got off work and headed into my car to go to my other job. on the way i started feeling even crappier so i stopped at a convenience store, bought a bottle of ginger ale and hopped back in the car, only to immediately be assaulted by killer i'm-gonna-poo-NOW cramps!! i just couldnt decide what to do...just start driving and poo my pants while doing it? scream at the convenience store clerk that i HAD to use their bathroom RIGHT NOW, and then probably shit my pants in front of him anyway? then i remembered i had a bunch of old plastic bags in the backseat. the rest, my friends, is history. i was just lucky to be done before the truck full of construction workers pulled up in the space next to me. it also helped i was wearing a long coat. i still had to clean my car afterward though, and needless to say, i called in sick to my other job. ;)
oh yeah, and it turned out to be some kind of stomach flu. heh!
{{re-lurks}}
msgoofball
wow....that beats mine...luleey...you have got cajones for dropping exploding bombs outside in plain view. kudos...i think.
herculesgirl
Today's grossness:

I went out in the backyard this morning and noticed something moving in the open grass. It was a rat, and because it didn't try to run, I assume it was sick or injured, left it alone and went back in the house, hoping it would go away. After an hour or two I went back outside, and the crows had found it, and killed it. They had moved it to one of the shale stepping stones in the yard and were eating it. They had opened it up and made a big mess, which I had to clean up. It was pretty nasty, there was blood and guts all over the place. Crows are messy eaters.
luleey
yes msgoofball, i was TOTALLY in plain sight! and NO ONE SAW ME!!! in a parking lot no less. at least, i think no one did...all i can say is i hope nothing like that ever happens again ;)
puppykitty
Herc - Heikki and I once found an injured squirrel in the yard. I think it's back was broken. It was struggling to move, but only its front legs would move. It was horrible. We called animal control, but they said they couldn't do anything. Hours later, it died.

We just left it in the yard. Everyday, Heikki would ask, "Ya wanna go look at the dead squirrel?" so we would go out and look at it in different stages of decomposition. Bloating, maggots, the works.

Finally, it was just a skeleton. But Heikki wanted to check it out every once in a while. Everytime we looked at it, he would look up at me with big, round, sad eyes and say, "poor squirrel."
glassk
puppykitty... i guess that was gross. but that last sentance was better than a unicorn chaser.
msgoofball
today i took a pooper...and it reminds me of guess what.....funnel cake. i kid you not...now i can't eat funnel cake for a while..sorry...my bad.
herculesgirl
LOL...funnel cake!

PK, I had to clean the rat up because I didn't want my dog eating it (he does that)...otherwise I would have let the crows have their lunch. Boy, were they mad at me for taking it away! I guess for them it was like getting the bum's rush at a nice restaurant...
puppykitty
Last night my friend told me that her mastiff has a sebaceous cyst on her hindquarters that is open and oozing grossness. I couldn't get her to share details other than that she squeezed it and "a lot of gross shit came out."

I will see her tomorrow at work and will probe her for more details like color, consistency, smell, etc.
taracat
If my HB ever reads any of this, I may as well drop dead of shame, but here goes. While I was dating him, I went over and spent the night. One bathroom of course. He is in there showering and here comes the wave of feverish, crampy, shit your pants treachery. I have nowhere to shit. Dear lord, (always pray to God to hold shit in my ass, not sure why)Should I Shit in the yard like a dog??? No can do, neighbors. Grab a friggin Walmart bag and go in his pantry and shit like a mad woman. Imagine holding a plastic grocery bag up to your spewing swamp ass and go to town. Horrible, horrible, horrible. 13 years later, I am still traumatized.
yummymum
Ohhhhh Taracat, I'm sorry to laugh. But that is quite the humorous situation. Now what the hell did you do with the bag???

auralpoison
Oh, I gotta know. How did you dispose of the poo filled bag?
msgoofball
omg....taracat you have my sympathies....honest....but we have to know...where did the poo bag go?
hellotampon
I've shit in a bag too!
luleey
well, if you're me, and for some inexplicable reason have just pooed in a bag in a parking lot, you scamper out of your car and slam it in the trash can outside the convenience store. no WAY was i driving home for 30 minutes with that thing next to me.

i never knew i'd have so many partners in poo crime.

i think i was praying, too...maybe i should behave myself more. it could come in handy in these sitches.
epinephrine
i had a major grody gross-out this afternoon. i was at the sally ann and i saw a bag of beautiful ukrainian painted eggs in the glass display counter, so i asked to take a look at it. they appeared to be quite old, and i noticed one was broken and there was something inside it. the lady opened the bag and this rotten wave of fishy garbage stench rushed out. the broken egg had a large, chunky brown ball inside it - the eggs had never been emptied before they were painted. over the years, the contents of the egg had simply congealed and dried into this evil, stinking little ball. i picked up one of the intact eggs and felt another one rattling around inside. i had a knot in my stomach for hours after i fled the store.
puppykitty
Yo - you guys reminded me of the time the toilet got super duper clogged, and I had to poo really bad, so I laid a huge turd in a styrofoam takeout box full of half-eaten chicken fried rice.

I took it out to the dumpster right away. But I told one friend about it who reminds me of it all the time.
jemisoutrageous
I have been majorly hungover and shat liquidy pooh while in the shower more than once. I was also once super hung over and the toilet was clogged so I hung my ass over the tub and shat Bud Mud into a plastic bag and then bundled it up and took it to work and threw it in the dumpster.

The smokers lurking outside were all ,"What the hell is that?" This was the job where I was (also) so hungover I called in and said that I had been sprayed by a skunk so as to avoid a Friday night rush with the shakes, explosive diahreah and while vomiting up cheap Jello Shots from the night before.

I'm so pleased that my tales of shitting myself enroute to the terlit the other morning has led to all these sordid confessions. You are all my sisters. ((((((dirty-ass grossie girls))))))
herculesgirl
Indeed we are.

:-)
luleey
i wonder how old those eggs were. it's like a mean joke from the easter bunny.
taracat
ggg- well, the truth is this... HB had no shit spray. I had the bag, (I actually wiped with coffee filters, no choice, and I put it outside in the trash, however, he smelled it when he got out of the shower, and I.... blamed the dog. ugghh.
Now on another side note, I fully believe someone on here has a voodoo shit doll, because when I was logging on here this morning, a little poo came out and that is the god's honest truth. What the hell?????
taracat
Since it is the weekend I must pose another disgusting and wonderous siutation. It appears that my HB cannot wipe his own ass properly. As I sit in dismay over his underpants, I am in awe of what I always find. Do his balls just simply hang over his ass so that he cannot possibly fully wipe? I have purchased wet wipes, dry wipes, ass spray, you name it, but he is entirely comfortable with the fact that he has skid marks. I, on the other hand am not. Since he has no idea that I routinely shit my pants (I never leave evidence, nor do my super special undies contain any left over remenants), I wonder if I am alone in this ........
luleey
aaaggg...taracat...about to move in w the bf and suddenly, horribly aware that i may too have unpleasant underwear surprises in my future. let's hope not.

i don't know about a voodoo doll, but maybe we should get onto a different grossout subject before we all start pooing in sympathy, or something.
quietmadness
HAAAAAAA! Bwahahahahah! (Hanging balls, and sympathy poo....)
Oh, Oh, Oh!
My Ol' Man rarely leaves skids, but then, when he shits, he wets toilet paper & wipes with that.
And, that in itself would be ok, but...


He leaves little "rolls" of shit paper dried and laying on the bathroom floor, afterwards!

Men. Nasty asses.
voodoo_princess
Oh my.... this IS funny!
I suppose I have to admit to being among the many with "Mr.'s with skid marks" but I got one better than skid marks in the underpants...... my Mr. is ANTI-underpants, soooooo..... guess where the skid marks are?????? That's right, actually ON the pants or shorts he's been wearing!!!!! I almost died when I first noticed while doing laundry (years ago) and now I just choose not to look..... I asked him about it once and he is in FULL-BLOWN skid mark denial! He says I make it up, AS IF! I asked him WHY he doesn't check to make sure he's all clean before he finishes up. He makes fun of me for wiping until nothing is seen on the paper, and actually checking to make sure. He says I'M weird. Well, I DON'T HAVE POO IN MY PANTS, NOW DO I? Who's weird now?
taracat
Hahahahahah ohlelololo. I am dying, in pain from laughter. I almost cannot even write I am crying. HB believes he has a clean ass as well. I check that toilet paper several good times to make absolute certain there is no residual shit. Bahahahaha. Too much, too much for me. I am in love with you all so much.. What would I do without you....
herculesgirl
BWAHAHAHAHAHA @ "full-blown skidmark denial"!!!
aaronsmom
Mr. Aaronsmom has been banned from sleeping a la nudie for many moons. I found the old skid-ly diddlies on my high thread count sheets and totally freaked out.

He also denies the skids in the underwear. I am gonna make him stain-stick his own stinkie drawers, maybe that'll teach him to wipe. Men are g-r-o-s-s!!!!!
glassk
uh. i just cleaned up my dorm room (mopped the bathroom floor now that everyone was gone) and i thought it was gross that there was black mildew in and around the toilet. and everywhere else that water stayed for more than 15 minutes....

But aaronsmom, taracat.... I'm speechless. YUCK.
aaronsmom
ok, glassk, I will be kind and spare you from what he does to the toilet (you think MILDEW is gross???) lol!
txplumwine
Thank the gods, at least, that GameBoy isn't in denial about them. I still ask him why it happens, though. He has a *bit* of an excuse, as back around the time we met, he had to have an anal fissure operated on and a bit of "leakage" from time to time is a side effect.

Also to his credit, though - he washes his own underwear so I don't have to deal with it. And the underwear seem to take all the damage.
possum
Eeeee! I am loving the shit stories!

My Tale Of Two Shitties:

1. My friends and I decide to spend a day at the zoo. Before the zoo, we stop to get some froofy coffee drinks at Starbucks. I got some vanilla cream thing. It's yummy. We go to the zoo. Everything's great until about 1 1/2 hours later. I can feel everything unload into my lower intestine. As we're leaving, I'm sitting in my friend's car and getting all squirmy/grunty and say something like "Uhhh, I don't feel so great." She's like "Do you need a bathroom?" And I'm like "Yeah. NOW." Fortunately there's a Circle K so I haul ass (har) and make it to the bathroom before my ass explodes. I pity the fool who had to use that bathroom after I was in it. I left no visible trace but ogod the stench...

2. Stomach virus. I spent a series of days sleeping, waking up, and having to shit rivers of diarrhea as soon as I felt myself wake up. So I'd get up and sprint to the bathroom (right next to my bedroom) but inevitably would get a little tributary of shit in my pajama pants running down my leg. I must've washed ALL my pajama pants like 3 or 4 times a day-- and that's the ones I didn't have to just throw out.
taracat
Me Oh My O', I am so happy and joyful that you can relate. aaronsmom, I clapped when I read your post, so flippin hilarious!! Skidly a diddlies bahahaha. Now on to more serious matters... The toilet issue. Yes, HB lies and says he doesn't piss around the toilet. I stand toilet brush in hand exclaiming that "I will never again clean the piss from the floor"' and he says it wasn't him.. Strange because the last time I checked there wasn't another person living here??? Or is there? Piss Alien, Piss Ants. When I really press the issue he goes into a very long dissertation about how the stream doesn't come right first thing in the morning, blah, blah. blah. I may bash his head in with the toilet brush one day.
On a side note, HB also feels his ass is clean because his underpants absorb all the filth his ass produces. Hmmm. I also have a shitty stain stick. May it never touch anything I own. Amen.
msgoofball
i make mr. gb wipe the toilet...all i can think of is a little camp ditty 'if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.'

i loved the title 'my tale of two shitties.' heheheeh
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