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possum
Dang. Wish I had tonsils to get tonsil snakes.

I had mine out when I was 27. I posted about it already so I won't go through it again, but the REAL fun began when I started swallowing (accidentally of course) my own throat scabs!

Not high on the gross scale, but yesterday I put in some earrings after not having worn them for a few weeks. It nudged out the skin in there so I had that lingering dead skin funk smell on my fingertips for awhile. Herm.
mouse
that old-piercing smell is SO GROSS. why does it happen??
bklynhermit
this is a pretty old one, but all the talk of piercing smell got me thinking about it.

a couple weeks ago i repainted my kitchen. in repainting it, i also did a serious deep cleaning, including hauling down all the crap my roommate stores on top of the cabinets (we have the kind where there's a good foot between cabinet and ceiling). when i climbed up there to bring it all down, i realized that THE TOP OF MY CABINETS SMELL LIKE PUS.

what. the. fuck.

why would my cabinets smell like pus? there was nothing rotten or dead up there, just dust bunnies.
lucizoe
this isn't even fun gross. this is just gross-gross.

I had a new client today, two golden labs and a shi tzu. Oh, christ. These dogs don't walk well. Not the point, but still. Poorly trained. Anyway - the gross: of them is five months old and lives in a crate, in which he had had diarrhea prior to my arrival. And then rolled in it. And stepped in it. And pawed all over his cage.

And then jumped on me when I let him out. And there's puppy poop all over my clothes now. I spent an extra forty minutes, for which I will not be compensated, cleaning up the puppy diarrhea, including hosing it off in the tub and scrubbing down the main part of his crate. The smell was biblical.

Like I said, not fun gross. Gross gross. Gross.
possum
Oh. Animal doody.

The last time I took my cat to the vet (regular shots/checkup)... ogod. I put him in a carrier. Poor guy wailed the entire time. Earsplitting wails. I felt awful for him. I decided to hold him in my lap and pet him to try and calm him down (yeah I know it's not the safest thing to do while driving, but he was REALLY freaking out). He quit wailing, so I'm like "OK, yay, it's working!"

And then the sensation of something warm and oozy on my lap.

Then the smell.

Cat emptied his bowels all. over. my. lap. And it kept coming. Ogod. Rivers of shit. It went all on my lap, across my shirt, on the seat belt on the car. I started screaming and threw the cat back into the carrier. Opened sunroof and both windows. Called my dad and was like "OMYGODTHISCATISSHITTINGONMEAAAAA!!!!" and he starts laughing. I hang up. Arrive at vet's covered in shit and about to cry. Vet (longtime family friend) laughs at me too and sprays me with Glade. Says I can drop cat off and go home to change, but I said to just give the cat his shots, clean him up and I'll take him and my stank-ass self home. They kindly clean his butt and give me a towel.

I got home, washed the clothes but still threw them away afterwards. Worse still was having to go to the car dealership and have them use industrial-strength cleaner to get the cat shit out of my seat belt and from between the seats. They laughed at me too and I am still known as the Cat Shit Girl.
lucizoe
oh, god, possum

You win. I bow down in sympathy and offer you many packets of handi-wipes. Which I too will carry from now on.
cellijenni
ok..I lurk here all the time. now, its time to post.

So, the boy is in the bathroom after taking a shower and I notice this swollen area on his chest. He's a fairly hairy chest kind of guy...so I figure its just an ingrown hair. I point it out to him. He looks at it in the mirror...squeezes it and out comes this long thick, black piece of SOMETHING...i can't even categorize it, because it doesn't even seem like something the body could produce on its own. It was at least 3/4 of an inch long. I almost threw up watching this happen.

As if this weren't enough, it began to flow clearish liquid. Copious amounts of clear fluid. GAG.

He just wiped the area with a tissue and walked out unphased.
puppykitty
WTF cellijenni!?! A black thing? That's weird. I would have held on to it and examined it further. Oh how I wish I had a microscope so I could look at blackheads and pus and goo up close and see what kind of bacteria and shit was living in me.

My ringworm is back with a vengeance. All over my chest. It's so effing gross. I think I need to see a doc because it just won't go away permanantly.

I love the story about the tallywacker dislodging the tonsil rock!!!! That's so awesome! I truly wish I had tonsils that produced big stones I could squish. Or look at under a microscope.

Hey - I think I told you this already. Remember when Heikki got two tonsil stones, asked me to dislodge them with q-tips, then proceeded to throw up on me? What a great memory.
auralpoison
Okay. Poop story. My mother once shat on the dog. The dog was a cocker spaniel, so it was the needy type of dog that was constantly under her feet. She had food poisoning & was hurling & shitting to beat the band. She bolted into the loo to begin sicking anew. The dog was right ahead of her & no matter how many times my mom begged her to move she didn't. She yells for me to come get the dog. Too late. She hurled all over the floor & shit all over the dog. The dog came out into the hall & looked at me like, "Why did she shit on me? Why?" I got my mom settled with a fresh trashbag & took the poor dog out back to power wash the poo away.

The dog she has now likes to roll in goose poop at the park. If you don't shout the phrase, "No rolling," again & again, he'll be covered in shit from nose to tail.
cellijenni
seriously though, puppykitty. i'm usually all intrigued and into examining things. but this almost made me hurl. it was like a thick, black slug that came out of his body...and it oozed clear..not blood, not puss. I felt like something was living in him.
Eww!!
tyger
cellijenni, i have stuff like that (though itty bitty) i chalk the black things up to lint squished into a pore somehow. and the clear ooze is prolly just white blood sent to fight off the evil lint
jemisoutrageous
Too late. She hurled all over the floor & shit all over the dog. The dog came out into the hall & looked at me like, "Why did she shit on me? Why?" I got my mom settled with a fresh trashbag & took the poor dog out back to power wash the poo away

Ahahahahahhahahaahahhahaahhahahahahahahhha
ahaahahahahhahhaahahahhahahahahahahahahaha
ahahahahahhahhhhhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
auralpoison
If you could have seen the dog's face, Jem! It was a champagne cocker with big brown eyes & she was, like, the Buster Keaton of dogs. One of the most expressive doggie faces I've ever seen. She stepped into the hall all splattered with shit & just turned & looked at me so balefully, "She gets mad if I'm left alone for too long & do my nasty business on the rug, but she shit on ME. I've only soiled the RUG! Oh, the indignity of it all!
auralpoison
It's weird. It just came to mind that it was French onins soup that made the she-devil so ill. I've never eaten it since.
mouse
oh man, ap, i had a terrible experience with french onion soup when i was about seven. i think i may have even told it on this thread before. i love it now, but couldn't touch the stuff for at least ten years.

speaking of, at this moment i am watching (because i have four channels and nothing else is on) the episode of "so you think you can dance" where the girl throws up off the stage. oh man, poor girl.
llamas
possum and AP, I'm at work right now and am glad that my boss is not around, as I am *crying* (from laughing) right now over your stories! Bravo!
quietmadness
Where are all the queens of Grodyland? Hmmm?

I have a HUGE hole in my nasal lining (septum?) from using nasal spray and from the old days of snorting...

So, sometimes, in the morning, it can get pretty sick while blowing my nose. Well, for about the last week, I've felt like there was something up there that REALLY needed to come OUT.

Blowing just wasn't enough, right?

So--I start digging, and sure enough--there's this hard, crusty booger that hangs onto my finger--and JUST KEEPS GOING...I SWEAR I FELT THAT DAMNED THING COME OUT OF MY SINUS CAVITY!!!

When I took it out and laid it on the tissue, it was about FOUR INCHES LONG--HAD TWO "WINGS" on the back end--

---and looked like---

charbroiled blackened burnt chicken.
txplumwine
Foul and totally awesome, QM. I've had a low-grade sinus infection for over a week, and oh, some of the goodness I've had come out of it! I wind up with large, dark yellow creatures at least twice a day.

I don't know if I've told this one before, but I have a dog story to share. I was about seven, and my mother, my grandmother and I had been on a short road trip to visit some cousins. We'd taken my little critter - a very *masculine* toy poodle - along with us. Well, my cousin's then-husband thought it was a great idea to slip the dog a piece of chocolate cinnamon cake before we left.

Now would be a good time to note that, thankfully, my dog survived this.

Anyway, we're rolling through a small town and little B had been getting increasingly more agitated. He was in my mom's lap in the front seat, and just before she managed to get him on the floor...he'd let it go on her lap.

So: picture a mid-20s woman gagging at the smell of dog diarrhea on her pants, her late-50s mother comforting a shaking, poo-covered poodle while holding his tail to keep his butt off the carpet, and a seven-year-old in the back seat yelling "GROSS!" at regular bursts. My mom managed to get the car pulled over at a small restaurant and rush in to clean herself up. My grandmother saw a garden hose at the side of the building, and I followed her as she carried little B - by his frontquarters - and set him down on the ground, turned on the hose, lifted him gently by the tail again, and proceeded to wash the poor dog's ass down.

My mother walked out, saw the look on B's face (like, "Oh, the caninity!") as my grandmother earnestly completed her task, and managed to burst out laughing...before saying, "Give me that hose, mama, I have to get the rest of it out of the car."
princesslala
Great stories, Grossies!
I particularly love the nasal cavity ones.
I just went to the washroom to squeeze a lump on my jawline - it's been bugging me for a week.
And lo and behold it sprayed not once, not twice but THREE TIMES onto the bathroom mirror. Chunks and watery white pus. It's the kind of expulsion that dries almost instantaneously and you have to use a damp tissue or something to get it off the mirror.
I just stared at it. Then as an added bonus, I noticed a whitesnake came out of the top of the actual lump. Unrelated further clogged pore.
Fantastic.
possum
Ogods I have what I'm pretty sure is a zit on the inside of my nose, like a little ways up, and I cannot get to it... I don't think it's ready to pop or anything either. AGH and it's all sore if I touch it. It's making me apeshit! How could I get a zit inside my nose?!
txplumwine
It happens, possum. I remember waking up one morning when I was about 12 with severely restricted breathing out of one nostril. At first I thought it was allergies...then I got a look in the mirror and realized that a huge zit - just inside my nostril - had occluded about 7/8ths of the opening! Strangely, I don't remember what I did about it...you'd think that part would stick with me.

Anyway, I get them a couple of times a year myself. GameBoy had one last week. The only thing that's certain is that it will hurt like a motherfucker no matter what you do. :-(
llamas
Possum, I get those occasionally, too--ouch!

I finally have some minor but lurvely grossness to share: I currently have the mother of all below-the-surface chin zits, and have been trying to leave it alone to avoid serious facial nastiness. But I just gave in and squeezed it gently (while at work--always fun); it produced two nice spurts of opaque greenish-yellow pus, the second with a slight popping sound, and doesn't seem to be looking any worse for it. Yay.
sonik
Oh, you guys are the best!

I did somehing yesterday that i have to share; i shat all over the hallway and around the toilet in the working-place building i have my office in.

Yesterday i went to the park with my sis and my bf (P) and we took some food with us. Some of it was probably not ok to eat, because i got bowel cramps. My working place is not far from the park (there are no public toilets in said park) so i went walking to do a nr 2. When i was halfway i got cramps so severe i was almost sure i would shit in the street right then and there. I almost got really panicky, but eventually i got control of myself again. People looked at me strangely because i was walking funny. But i literally couldn't give a shit, i needed a bathroom so bad. When i got to the front door, the prospect on doing a big dump got the better of me. I made one flight of stairs, and being one metre from the toilet i shat myself. My undies got filled up and then it dribbled on my legs and everywhere exept the toilet bowl.
It was not even my toilet. The storey i was on is occupied by a recording studio and they work all times but regularly. I was so afraid someone would be in the studio....

But there was no one, and i managed to sort of clean it up. My dress was stained, so when things looked more or less clean i rushed to my working place to phone P. He and my sis were very amused. They helped me mop what was left of the mess up. They cringed at the stench though. P said he found it unbelievable such a stench could come out of a human being.

But man..when it happened i sort of looked back on it at the same time (with a distant kind of amusement). When walking through the hallway i had to make sure all poo trail was picked up.

mouse
oh. my. god. sonik! that is the most horrifying thing i've ever heard. i am so glad you are okay but i am so sorry you had to experience that!!!


i have some really annoying junk on my chin and right under my nose that are not going away. they got whiteheady and i popped them (unsatisfying, painful and no clean "pop"--more a pain-filled, difficult oozing) and now they are getting gross and scabby. i want them to go away SO BAD. i went off bc in the past couple of months and my skin has been so much worse, plus i am not used to the air conditioning in my new office and it is wreaking havoc on my skin and lungs and hair. gah.
pollystyrene
I had a couple of really gross tonsil crypts yesterday. I'd been having a lot of them in the past few weeks, but they were mostly small, not-too-old/stinky ones. I'm thinking that the yellower and stinkier they get, the older they are. Until yesterday, they were mostly slightly yellow and were vaguely stinky, not pungent. The ones yesterday were deep yellow, fairly large and very stinky. I think they were the source of my bad breath for the past couple of weeks. Ick.
hellotampon
Speaking of shitting in hallways...

My friend works at the casino and she was in the hallway behind one guy, and he kept stopping every few steps to shake his pant legs. Everytime he did it, shit would roll out onto the floor.

Apparently, this happened more than once. People don't want to leave their slot machines or whatever, so they piss and shit themselves instead of going to the restroom.
herculesgirl
Pissing/shitting onself because one doesn't want to leave one's particular slot machine...now that's what I'd call a gambling problem.
pollystyrene
Can you imagine the state of chair (*stool*- tee hee!) they left at the slot machine? How'd you like to be the next person there? Mmm, squishy and moist. Maybe people with gambling addictions are the ideal market for the Stadium Pal.
mouse
jesus. hellotampon, that was one of the rare stories in this thread that have activated my gag reflex.
hellotampon
Yeah, I don't want to get too off-topic from the intent of the thread but what's even worse is that children have died because their parents left them waiting in the car for too long while they went to go gamble. The casino keeps everything bad that happens hushed up.
msgoofball
eww....

my cat jake is sick...complete with boogers and sneezing fits that make the boogers fly. theres nothing like sitting there waiting for the cat to stop sneezing, boogers running down his face but you have to hold your hand out like a guard to block the boogers from flying on you. and then doing the quick wipe before the cat licks his nose, thus eating the boogers. and then finding that your hand didn't block all the boogers and you have a fat one on your white shirt.

this morning i woke up with boogers on my shirt, in the "i had to wipe my nose mom" fashion. crusty phlegm. eww. oh and the odor it has as well...gross. talk about post nasal drip odor...but i have been using a infant ball syringe to suck the boogers out of his nose. yes...he hates it but it works.
mouse
there is a hiding tonsil stone. i can feel it with the tip of my tongue but it's too far back to get out. and i can just TELL it is one of those really, really gross ones--soggy and huge, what i imagine the little hard ones start out as. man it would make me so happy if i could work it out.


i am sooo gross.
auralpoison
I wonder... would a waterpik help dislodge it? I don't have tonsils anymore, so I don't get those, but I was just thinking.
mouse
it might, but a) i am not going to go out and buy a waterpik on the sole premise of dislodging a tonsil stone, because i am very poor, and b) it disappeared last night. :-(
cleo44
a few years ago i was babysitting this little girl and i got the worst cramps i have EVER gotten. partly because i had my period but also in part because i had this massive bout of diarrhea. so i literally ran to the bathroom and just completely emptied myself. i honestly questioned whether the toilet would flush with all of the shit and period in it. so like two hours later it was time for the little girl to go to bed, but when she went into the tiny bathroom it STILL smelled, even with the high-powered fan going. she squealed and ran away as fast as she could. yeah, she went to bed without brushing that night...oops.
ps: I'm new to posting (but an ardent lurker), and if memory serves im supposed to introduce myself somewhere, but where?
pollystyrene
In the Newbies page.

And don't forget- try to run any new thread ideas past people in the Community Forum, just to make sure there's not a pre-existing thread somewhere else.

Ahh, a newbie that asks first- how refreshing :-)
treehugger
Regarding tonsil stones...I have tonsils. And I've never had, that I know of, a stone! Am I weird or do some people just not get them? Or am I unknowingly (eew) swallowing them or something?
pollystyrene
They sort of appear in the folds and crevices of your tonsils. Maybe your tonsil crevices just aren't conducive to them being visible. I'm pretty sure everyone gets them- they're like by-products of infection, so anytime you have a little sore throat, whether or not it develops into full blown strep or tonsilitis, the infection leaves behind the gunk. Maybe your gunk just stays hidden and your body re-absorbs it.

You'd probably know if you had them before they got swallowed- they kinda stay wedged in there until you pry them out or until they just pop out by themselves, which could take a couple of days. And if they're there, you'd know it either by the feeling of something rubbing against your tongue or throat or by the icky breath they give you.

I didn't notice having them until I was an adult, and trust me, I had plenty of throat issues as a child, so maybe you'll have them someday. The shape of my tonsils change everytime I get tonsilitis (which hasn't been in a long time, but there were a few years in a row, a few years ago, that I was getting it every year) so maybe the shape of yours will change and you'll be able to see them too.
mouse
some people get them, some people don't. i got them a ton in my teens, but now they're more rare. i really don't know the science of it, i doubt they've really been studied much. but damn are they fun to wedge out with the tip of your tongue--and they smell HORRIBLE. like the worst breath you've ever had, concentrated. mine usually don't smell until i squish 'em.
brett
the other day at the amusement park, a girl in line in front of me had a HUGE blackhead on her back. I couldn't stop staring at it. I wanted to pop it in the worst way!

...is that wrong?
puppykitty
No, brett, that's not wrong. It's oh-so-right.

I used to pop my boyfriends' blackheads when I was younger. For some reason, now, if I *had* a boyfriend, I wouldn't dare.

I can't believe that shit about the shit in the casino. That's effing pathetic. I was going to say that I can't think of anything I would not want to stop so I could shit in a toilet, but then I remembered that when I was a kid, I used to turd in the lake because I didn't want to stop swimming.

And everybody thinks Minnesota lakes are so pristine.
jemisoutrageous
Oh ,come on, we've all wated to do it. Remember life before Tivo?
I would totally shit the couch rather than miss a single second of The Facts Of Life.
princesslala
Oh Jem! Did they have any idea of their ardent fan-hood?
Well, it finally happened.
Mr. Lala let me pop not one but two of his pimples.
They were on his back and I broached the subject casually, then rather more quickly than I'd like to admit, I nearly resorted to begging.
I mean they were red and angry and fully white-headed.
They were ready to GO!
I was trying to effect some sort of trade and the conversation went something like this:
"I'll do whatever you want."
"You already do."
"I'll give you all the head you want."
"You already give me all the head I want. That is not a barganing tool. There is nothing I want that you don't already do. And love."
"Hmmmmmmmmmmm. I'll, I'll, ummmmmmmmmmmm, I'll...."
Mr. Lala sitting up and presenting his back to me.
"Oh, just go ahead and do them. But don't think this is a regular thing. Just get it over with."
So I grabbed the duvet cover (we were doing laundry that day) and squoze the first one.
Very satisfying mini toothpaste-like emission.
Pure white, thick and no smell. I tried a go at it again, and he advised it was time to move on.
The second one I thought would kerslode, but no such luck.
It did pop (run of the mill pus, white, runnier than the first one, no smell), but by that point I was feeling a bit contrite so there wasn't that sense of elation I was anticipating.
He really doesn't like it, yet he doesn't complain or anything.
It's grim resignation.
So I'm not going to do it anymore.
No matter how much I LOVE squeezing zits, I LOVE Mr. Lala way more.
I'll have to wait 'til the kids hit puberty.
Then I'll prey upon them.
mouse
giant tonsil stone this morning!!!!! biggest one in years! wow! woke up and, on the way to the bathroom, felt something, and there it was, hangin stuck behind my goddamn uvula! it must have gotten dislodged during the night and then.....attached itself to the top of my throat. OH GROSS. but to think i almost lost it!
seraphine
brett, your story reminded me of my first (and last) day at the waterpark. There was a late-teens guy trying to have a great time at the park... however, he was suffering from some severe acne because huge yellow zits covered his shirtless, damp back, dripping puss-water. I was maybe 5-6 people behind him, but my god. I excused myself from that slide's line, vowed to never complain about my acne again, and hoped to GOD the water had enough chlorine. ICK.
herculesgirl
I always wonder about the water in those waterparks, especially after seeing scads of little kids in soggy diapers jumping around in the shallow ends. Ew, indeed.
hellotampon
I don't understand why anyone WOULDN'T enjoy getting their zits popped! Or popping them, for that matter- my boyfriend hates doing it to me.

Last week I gave him head in exchange for his blackhead-popping services.
walkingbitch
whispers

I pluck MM's nose hairs.... that grow on the tip of his nose... on the outside.

nuff said.
txplumwine
Ooh, walker, GameBoy has that too! He lets me mess with the ingrown hairs on his arms and legs, no problem...even enjoys it...but gets really pissy when I go after his nose beard. I keep telling him: do it yourself and we won't have this problem.
princesslala
Oh Grossies
Mr. Lala is in the same boat.
I don't say a word about it.
He seems to deal with it covertly on a fairly regular basis.
I don't care about how it looks....I'd just LOVE to preen and groom him.
On another note
Last night he was taking out the garbage and when he lifted the bag out of the bucket a whole bunch of MAGGOTS fell on the floor.
He quickly put the bag back in the bucket and carried the whole thing outside.
But there were MAGGOTS on the floor!
Squirming as fast as they could for the baseboard.
I grabbed some tissue to catch them and pick them up, but then saw there were too too too many and I started shrieking for help.
Mr. Lala swooped in, swept them up and disposed of them. He encouraged me to make sure he hadn't missed any. And he hadn't.
Then he kept sneaky smiling because I was trying to do the dishes but didn't want to step where the MAGGOTS had been. Which was right where I needed to stand.
It was gross, I tell you, super gross plus.
MAGGOTS are disgusting even if they are just baby flies.
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