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possum
I don't have tonsils anymore but never had tonsil stones that I know of... and even if I did, it seems I'd gag uncontrollably trying to squeeze them out. Wouldn't you just gag like crazy reaching that far in your throat?

Then again, I have a quick gag reflex, which can be really annoying when doing the deed.
pinkmartyr
my boyfriend got a grease burn from the fryers at his work. there are three bubbles on his forearm, filled up all fat with pus.
he will not let me pop them.
then he pointed out a zit he has on his butt. its a good one... all ready to go. and i'm like, oh, you can't reach that, let me help you. he said no, so i offered him five dollars, and he still said no.
i must break him of this "hands-off" policy before we wed next april!!!
quietmadness
My super cool and evil "Miss Crazy Cat" killed a mouse out on the carport the other day.

I didn't find it until...it was all stiff and dried out. Thought I could just pick it up by the tail with a leaf, but...GGGAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

There was this retched "something's dead around here odor," and maggots about 1/2 inch long underneath it.

They were all grey-green-blue-yuck nasty, too...

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
treehugger
"I can't believe that shit about the shit in the casino. That's effing pathetic. I was going to say that I can't think of anything I would not want to stop so I could shit in a toilet, but then I remembered that when I was a kid, I used to turd in the lake because I didn't want to stop swimming.

And everybody thinks Minnesota lakes are so pristine."

puppykitty, you never swam in little swan lake, did you??? Or Lake Florida, or Eagle lake???? please please please say no.....

(I can't figure out smilies but imagine a smiley with popping "shocked" eyes)

Oh, well. Guess I lived. Hee..
puppykitty
Don't worry, treehugger. Probably a big walleye ate the turds. The big walleye you caught and ate for dinner!! BWA-HAHAHAHAHA!
treehugger
eeeewwww...

Actually we never ate fish out of those lakes. Dad hated cleaning them, so it was strictly catch and release.

So THAT'S why so much algae in the lakes... ;)
falljackets
so mrfj woke up with an earache/clogged ear the other morning after swimming the night before. he was really having a time with it and was afraid he was going deaf, so i talked him into going to the doctor on monday.

thankfully i was able to join him.

after hearing what happened, the nurse asked him if he used q-tips and he said yes and she proceeded to tell him what a no no it was (which was funny because it was all the same stuff that *i* had told him, but he didn't believe *me*. hehe). anyway, she peered in his ear with the scope and said she couldn't even see his tempanic membrane it was so covered with wax. and then. she let me look in his ear. oh. my. cod. it was awesome. this HUGE ball of brown wax just sitting there, with all his little ear hairs sticking into it! wow! it was like science class! so they decided to irrigate his ear. she filled his ear with peroxide and water using a tube attached to a spray bottle. then she put this bowl like thing under his ear and let it drain into it. yukky brownish water started draining out, with chunks of brownish black matter!! oh, it was GROSS!

and then.

then!

THEN!

she looked in and said, "oh, here comes the big kahuna!" and pulled out a long black chunk of ear wax. AAAIIIIEEEEE! looked like a turd! hahha!

and suddenly, mrfj could hear again. in fact, he said he hasn't heard so well in years.
msgoofball
omgosh.....eww....'a long black turd'.....ugh....nasty....
pollystyrene
I don't have the excessive ear wax problem that my boyfriends does- he's had to have it irrigated a couple of times. The second time, though, he had some timid nurse who didn't do it long enough and nothing happened, so he knows there's something good in there.

I keep bugging him to go get it done again somewhere else because it's been a couple of years. Every now and then I find little orange/brown balls of goo in the sheets. Eeewwww!

He also gets canker sores, like a couple a year and now he has one on the underside of his tongue. He keeps showing it to me because it's been there for a couple of weeks and won't go away. He was telling a friend about it last night, a friend who also regularly gets them and they were comparing cures. Our friend said that he squeezes it and a little pus comes out, then swab it with a dry q-tip to get any more pus out, then hold a q-tip with peroxide on it for awhile, and it's gone in a day or so. Yuck!

I'm so glad I don't get canker sores- they sound awful. I do get the occasional cold sore, though- those just hurt.
pollystyrene
damn double post!!
herculesgirl
OMG EAR TURDS...how delightfully disgusting!!!
treehugger
polly,

for canker sores, (I get them all the time), your guy needs alum. Pinch a bit of the powder and hold it on the sore as long as you can. It really stings badly but it seems to absorb all the crud and dry it out. It'll heal with that. Use it a couple, two or three times per day.
possum
OMG I wish I could've seen that ear drainage thing too! I go freakin insane over ear wax/ear stuff! I clean my ears all the time so I'll likely never get such a good wax buildup. I have one of those ear scraper things.

I would KILL to look inside an ear like that! I am sick... sick...

Once I had a horrible ear infection. It was essentially a yeast infection in my ear. Yum. A nurse irrigated my ear and I held the bowl under it. When she was done I looked at the bowl and it was like... little spores of stuff all in it. Just chunky white spores. No wax. And it kinda stunk. The doctor said it looked like I'd lost a Q-tip cotton in my ear.

I wish they'd had a camera attached to the otoscope so I could see what my ear looked like. Eeeee!
mr_falljackets
Thank you, fj. There went my last chance to get laid by any of your Bust friends.
quietmadness
I used to work in a hearing aid business about 17 years ago.

I saw EVERYTHING relating to ears...but the *worst* by far was this dude and his wife that lived in this old Winnebago camper...yeah. One day they came rolling in, and he asked for a "free hearing test." Said he couldn't hear very well.

So the doctor goes about getting his equipment ready, and gives the test. Then, he takes the otoscope and has a look! Yeah. So--he can't see shit, 'cause this dude's ear looks like Sherlock Forest inside---all dark and stinky and foreboding, right?

He asks for "assistance" (which generally means handing stuff to the doc while he cleans out the ears/works on aids, etc.) He takes out his fluids and starts probing this guys ear with a pick..............

He pulls out a "plug" of build-up. It's about 3/4 inch THICK, almost an inch LONG-----and----it looks like








a maggot infested tootsie roll that's been left in cat hair!

OMG--all I could think of to compare it to was the "tree stump" joke he'd told me earlier that day. I am STILL laughing over that one. Oh, GOBS!
zoya
...how come all of this crazy shit with people's bodies always happens in india??? (has anyone else noticed this??!!!)
pollystyrene
:-( link's not working for me.
hellotampon
Well the largest industrial accident in history happened there 20 years ago and they still haven't cleaned up the site... maybe that has something to do with all the crazy shit.
bklynhermit
also i think the stuff that's openly talked about in the media there is, like, weird stories my mom has from working in the ER for years here. american hospitals are not getting in line to share their gross-out patient stories. it probably has to do with confidentiality, lawsuits, etc.
pollystyrene
Ok, link worked. That's yucky.
herculesgirl
Took the dog to the vet this afternoon for vaccines and a check-up. As part of the regular check-up, they squeezed the gunk out of his anal glands. Problem is, they don't do anything after that, like wash the area, so the smell is...oh dear God...the smell...I can only describe it as "ass to the nth degree". So now I'm airing out my car because it also smells like ass to the nth degree, I'm just glad I had the foresight to put a towel down on the seat. Then I had to wash my dog's butt when I got home. Poor doggy had such a traumatic day...
puppykitty
My mom used to squeeze her doggie's butt glands for him at home. I never got to see. I really really wanted to, but I was never there when she did it. She always knew it was time for a butt squeezing when Georgie would scoot his little butt over the carpet. It must itch when they get full. Eeeew.

I'm glad we don't have butt glands. What if we did, but we couldn't reach them and we would have to have a friend or significant other squeeze them for us and vice versa??? Hee hee.
auralpoison
Oh dear cod! *THAT* smell. It's singular. Like wine gone horribly, horribly acidic. I can't believe your vet doesn't clean up afterwards. That's just WRONG.

I had to have my cat anally expressed once & it was WAY worse than the dog. The dog just lets them do it & utters nary a complaint. Cats need to be expressed inside & out. I could hear him screaming from all the way in the front of the office. When the vet came back he'd, um, expressed himself all down her front. Made my eyes water, I tell ya.

Yeah, I did notice the India connection & wondered about it.
txplumwine
I hear that's as bad as skunk, if not worse. Thank Christ or Buddha or whoever that we've never had to deal with that.

FJ!!!! Is it just me or is it forever since I've seen you in here? And don't worry, Mr. FJ - I seriously doubt there's a chick in this thread that will think less of you after that story...some of us may, in fact, be *more* interested. *wink*

I don't have any good hardcore grossness, but I do have a miracle to report: GameBoy was futzing with his nose beard (remember: external, not internal) the other day and getting really frustrated. I asked him if he wanted to borrow my tweezers. He said, "It'll be faster if you do it." I tried not to jump for joy and failed. So the tip of his nose is hairless for at least another week.
sixelacat
O.M.G. aural, that skull link is, is, is.....indescribably AWESOME! His skull scab fell off! So rare, so fascinating, I wish I was there to examine it in person....

I'm studying to be a biological anthropologist, so osteological anomolies *fascinate* me....and it's a great excuse to indulge in human GROSSNESS!
pollystyrene
It's much worse than skunk, txplumwine- we're talking long-forgotten potato rotting behind something in the kitchen. With some rotting chicken, as well.

A few months ago, I had the unpleasant experience of dealing with it- my dog was sitting on my foot (I had a shoe on) and I gave him a nudge to get him off. A few minutes later I couldn't figure out what that smell is that seemed to be everywhere I went. Nudging the dog's hindquarters must have jostled something and I looked down at the toe of my sneaker and there was this gray-ish, brown-ish schmutz on there- fortunately they were Chuck Taylors, so the toe part is rubber and I just had to wipe it off. ((shudder))
mr_falljackets
*arm around txplum* this could be the beginning of a beautiful cerumen fetish.
herculesgirl
"...we're talking long-forgotten potato rotting behind something in the kitchen. With some rotting chicken, as well."

Very accurate description, Polly. I'll take skunk smell ANY DAY over doggy ass-funk. But then, I actually LIKE skunk smell.
falljackets
how can i not know about this anal gland thing? i've had dogs and cats all my life. WTF??? that sounds vile! i guess i need to take grover to the vet, stat!!

thanks for the welcome back, txplumwine :-) i've been here lurking, but had nothing to share!
herculesgirl
Falljackets, some animals make a lot more scent than others do. My first dog never had the problem, either, so count yourself lucky that you haven't had to deal with teh putridness that is ass-funk!
ginger_kitty
Yuck anal gland!!! My sister in law is a dog groomer so she releases it for her client's when she grooms thier dogs. (Gross!!) On a positive note, Luckily, she doesn't mind doing it so occasionaly she does it for my dogs.
indiechick
once the vet released the stuff from my dog's glands and asked me if i would faint because i turned so pale immediately. for me, scents are way worse than stuff i can look at. yuck.
herculesgirl
More dog-related grossness: I changed the sheets on the bed today and flipped the mattress. I also lifted the box springs so I could pick up the dog toys that were under there, and OMG there were two GIANT WADS of partially-digested GRASS under there too. And they were DRY, which means they'd been laying there for who knows how long after the dog puked them back up. So nasty!!!
ms.gb
partially digested grass clumps???? eww

as for anal glands...i never had to express them on my dogs or cats..however...

dogs have these 'oil glands in between their toes..or at least fred did...and the foxtails would dig in there and 'hang out' , thus getting covered in this waxing substance which i can only compare to ear wax or electrical lube. (i know, i know, odd comparision but i used that stuff alot on my bronco so..there ya go).

once a week, i'd have to have him lay down and then check his paws with tweezers...he didn't seem to mind.
princesslala
Mr. Lala and I just got two puppies and I have to admit I am reading these dog posts with glee.
I wonder what foulness awaits us?
I'm especially excited about this between-the-toes thing.
The grossest thing so far is their breath.
It smells just like their poo and we were worried, but someone told us it's totally normal.
quietmadness
My old chihuahua has bumps under his skin sometimes that are really hard & white.

If I bust 'em, they have hard white-snakey nastiness in'em. Eww..... ohmy.gif
possum
Years ago my cat's anal gland RUPTURED. Scared the hell out of me. I picked him up and saw a puddle of what I thought was bloody diarrhea. Didn't care about the smell 'cause I thought he was dying or something. Took him to the emergency vet. They had to shave his butt and the vet tried to do it without sedating him since that messes cats up so bad, but I heard him wailing and I wanted to cry. In the end they had to sedate him and my baby had a HOLE in his butt that eventually had to be stitched closed.
pollystyrene
Oh, that's so sad, possum! Hope the recovery goes smoothly!

ETA: Oh, just read that the incident happened a long time ago, possum! I thought it was recently!
puppykitty
This reminds me of a story my dad told me long ago.

When he was a young man, he and his uncle went beaver trapping. They caught one beaver, and had heard that if you squeeze out the beaver's "castings" (anal glands) on to the traps, it would attract more beavers.

So they squeezed the hell out of this dead beaver's ass and spread the gunk all over the traps. They weren't having any luck, and my grandfather later came to check on them.

It turns out that they had squeezed the shit out of the beaver's ass and spread shit all over the traps. My grandfather called them both dumbasses and showed them how to express the anal glands correctly.

Poor beavers. But I thought it was funny when I was a kid.

In other news, I have been getting tons of little pale bumps on and around my chin. I squeeze them and express long whitesnakes. Tons of long whitesnakes. They don't really look like zits, but just little pale bumps that only show up when I pull my skin tight.

Anyway - I picked my face so much last night that I was embarrassed to come out of the bathroom, ONE: because I was in there for about 45 minutes, and TWO: my face was covered with red welts and blotches, as well as a couple of bleeding spots. Why do I do this to myself? It's fun, but not good for my appearance. But fun. Really really fun.
pollystyrene
I get those too, puppy kitty, on my chin and my cheeks, like under my eyes. I got a magnifying mirror for my birthday that attaches to my wall and has a light on it. I've had so much fun finding all sorts of things I had missed on my face, and it's great for plucking eyebrows.

And the beaver story, that's yucky.
battygurl
*closing my eyes in case I see something in here that will make me naseous*

I bike to work, and I kept noticing that at a certain point in my route, I would smell something...something that smelled like pussy. Pussy that's been trapped under bike shorts or something and hasn't been able to breathe for a few days. (I did a crotch check, it wasn't me.) The other day I realized that that point in my route was right by a brewery. I was smelling yeast. Somehow that brought pussy directly to my mind. I've never even had a yeast infection!

Makes beer seem a little less appetizing.
ananke
The other day me, my sister, my best friend and my four-year-old god-daughter went to the big mall so my sister could go shopping. She was starving as well so the rest of us sat at a table while she went and found some food.

About ten seconds after we sit down i notice this...smell. I couldn't peg it. I look at my friend and tap my nose, we're both looking confused. Then we peg the smell.

Stinky crotch.

Stinky, come-stained crotch.

It felt wrong because A: mall! and B: small child! It was just ick.
possum
Thanks anyway, polly. smile.gif Actually, that cat passed away three years ago. My current cat has had no anal gland issues, thank God.

Yesterday I was in a coffee place, sipping my drink and working, and a woman came in to get a drink. She smelled like foot and ass. I mean it was really hot yesterday, like 100 degrees, but it wasn't a hot sweaty smell. I can excuse that, given this heat. Nor did she appear homeless. Not only was it a not-showered-in-a-day smell, but it was kinda emanating from her clothes too. Eeeyuh. I held my hand across my nose while resting my elbow on the table, like I was thinking hard.


Though bad breath grosses me out more. Really I can't stand smelling people's breath AT ALL. I just get grossed out when people breathe on me, regardless, good or bad breath. But when it's bad breath I wanna die. Seriously, how do people not notice this? I'm never without breath mints. I know there's cases where people can't help it, where it's truly a physical issue, but damn... there's one woman I know who is always dressed cool, is great to be around, but half the time has breath that could kill people.
hellotampon
There's a guy with stinky breath that comes to buy cigarettes where I work. The bad dogpoop breath smell lingers in the air for a good 10 minutes after he's gone. He has rotten teeth, BLACK hands, extremely grimy clothes, and a ring of long, ratty grey hair around his head. Even the bald spot on the top of his head is dirty. He loos like he has mold growing on him.

He's always extremely happy and cheerful though. I've seen him mowing the side of the road in those machines so I know he works for the town or state. He just hasn't taken a damn bath in 20 years.

Last summer a very obese woman was standing behind me emanating this fetid bellybutton funk/feet/cheese smell. I wasn't even standing close to her either. I think she just didn't wash inside the folds of her skin. Ever.
ramsay
My tidbit of gross for the week....I'm doing my veterinary internship and the other day a dog came in with a small tumor on his eyelid. Well, the Dr. gave it a little squeeze and it popped. Thick, white, gooey slime oozed out all over for a good 20 seconds.
fuego_lento
Puppykitty, that beaver story made me laugh so hard...

I wish I had stuff to offer here, but lurking still makes my day.
ms.gb
oh ramsay, that reminds me of the time when one of my sheep, spice, got a foxtail embedded in her jaw. a huge pustule the size of a quarter formed. but she wouldn't let us near it. so one day i notice some oozing. i called for back up to help me hold her, and squeezed. huge chunks of pus oozed out. i cleaned her up with some peroxide and some 'neosporin for sheep' goo.

ah sheep stories...i gots lots. laugh.gif
ms.gb
dammit...the sheep story killed the thread....
ginger_kitty
I saw the grossest!!!!! show ever on either Discovery or TLC the other day.

This guy had eaten raw fish on vacation and gotten a tape worm. My husband and I just watched with morbid curiousity as they played a re-enactment of how he discovered the tape worm. It showed the guy freaking out on the toliet. He was like "oh no what have I done" then calls his wife for help. He apparently thought his intestines were falling out. I know it's not funny but we were cracking up! His wife knew it was a tape worm so they were pulling it out until they couldn't pull anymore then she snips it w/ some scissors. And they head off to the hospital. It was just so badly re-enacted that it was hillarious!
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