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knorl05
yummymum: i have noticed. many times the only reason we strive to be better, is simply to be better than someone we feel is better than ourselves. you guys obviously think very highly of eachother to be so motivated by eachother's success. the only problem is when it comes in the way of the friendship (or sisterhood). there is a way to strive to do your best, and then also support the other in the process. i think you most definitely have to confront her on it! it sounds like she is just stewing in her jealousy over your accomplishments. i'm sure if it's brought to light she will realize how petty she is being. not only that, it is something that really bothers you, really seems to hurt you, and you should address it simply for that reason. she is the one with the problem.. but be compassionate and understanding of that. realize she may feel very insecure, so dont attack her over it. just discuss it with her.. as adults.. in a mature, rational manner. if she gets embarrassed or upset over it.. oh well, you really have nothing to lose.. considering she seems to be distancing herself from you anyway. just dont let it go, if only for your own peace of mind.
crinoline
I'm sorry to barge in, but I need to vent.
My best friend of over a decade now shares an (expensive) apartment with me. When I told her that in light of my family's financial situation, I would need to move somewhere a little more affordable, she agreed to help me. So the first apartment we looked at today was MORE expensive than where we live now, but she was *sold* on it. She told me that if I couldn't afford it then she would live with her sister and I could find my own place. She even signed papers while we were there.
I of course realize that it is not her responsibility to find me a place to live, but I had expected perhaps a little more sensitivity to my situation. I feel that she is being a bad friend, but I don't know how to tell her. (we've had the straight-forward "you are a bad friend" talk in the past, it didn't work)
To make things worse, Crinoboy is furious with me for "letting myself get screwed". I did not enter this situation on purpose, and I don't know what to do.
Hmmm. I feel a little better after writing it out.
Phantom
I've been working a third shift temporary job to get some extra money, and there was was a girl working there named Lisa. I talked to her a few times, and she seemed relatively friendly and unassuming.

The day after our final day of work there, I got a phone call on my cell phone from a girl claiming to have worked with me. At first she tried to get me to recognize her by her voice, but of course I couldn't, since this was my first time of hearing her over the phone. She tried to set up a blind date with me, but somehow the offer threw up red flags, so I didn't accept. After a while of this charade and several inquiries of her indentity, she identified herself as Lisa. (Based on some of her statements, I can safely conclude that it really was her.)

I had been asking her repeatedly how she got my cell phone number, and after dodging the question several times, she responded cryptically, "You can find anyone on the Internet."

She asked me how I felt about her, and I truthfully responded that she seemed nice and I enjoyed talking with her. She pressed to find out how I felt about her body. Here's where it gets really creepy.

After some awkward conversation, she asked, "What would you do if she showed up at your front door naked?" The most frightening part about this is the insinuation that she also knows where I live.

As calmly as I could, I told her, "I would not respond positively to that."

"So you would just leave me out in the cold?" she tried to sound cute.

"You would be in the cold of your own will..." I didn't know what else to say.

"So you wouldn't take me in your arms?"

After some more awkward conversation, she said that I wasn't fun anymore and she hung up.

All I ever told anybody at that job was my first name. The only way I figure she could have gotten the correct spelling of my last name (which is really hard to spell) was to look me up is by looking for my first name in a company document. How she got my cell phone number from that is still a mystery to me, since only home phone numbers are listed in the phone book. I just hope this doesn't escalate into something...

This girl is borderline psycho. Her face is actually pretty, but she looks like she weighs about 300 pounds, so I'm figuring she's not used to guys paying as much attention to her as I did. I'm guessing that's why she approached me in such a socially unacceptable way. The irony is that if she would have just asked for my phone number and invited me on a date like a normal person instead of hunting me down a la Fatal Attraction, I might have given her a chance. What do you guys make of this? For that matter, how in the hell did she get my cell phone number?
herculesgirl
Phantom, there are lots of places online where one can find unlisted and cell phone numbers. She may have had to use a pay site to find it, but it can be done.

And yeah, she does sound troubled. You might want to change your cell number if it's really creeping you out, and make it very clear to her that you find her actions disturbing. This may have just been a one-time thing, and she might just be clueless about how to approach someone she's interested in, but there's a definite creepy factor added with the looking up of your personal cell number. Good luck.
Sststststutter
crinoline, that was pretty sucky of your friend. especially considering she's been a friend for so long. how could an apartment be more important than a person? what are you going to do?

i'm having roommate issues as well, so i also came here to vent. i live with three other girls right now, and today i went to dinner with a friend who remarked, "you and you're roommates really seem to get along well. that's really nice." i heartily agreed because it's usually true. but ironically, at about 2:30am my one roommate sent me an instant message to pick an hour-long fight with me over a comment i made to her this morning that was apparently "coldhearted" and "unfeeling". this is so ridiculous that i'm almost embarrassed to be posting it it. she was upset because my other two roommates and i....MADE A GINGERBREAD HOUSE WITHOUT HER. she was home that night when we made the house-we were all even in her room with her when we decided that we were going to make it-and she had many opportunities to yell down to us, "hey, would you mind waiting for me to make the house?" so today, she made a point of telling us each individually that she was sad and that she felt left out. one roommate was texted; she ignored the message out of annoyance. the other was called; she responded with sympathy frankly because she' an enabler and probably didn't want to hurt our roommate's feelings. i was confronted in person; i initially responded with an "i'm sorry", but as she continued to support her reasons for not participating and for feeling left out i became more and more irritated. Basically, i wasn't interested and i made that pretty clear. to me, communicating feelings like that is for preschoolers who are learning social skills. she should have said she felt left out initially when she heard us "laughing and having fun", or better yet she should have came down and joined us, and i refuse to take responsibility for that. and who, at 21, feels left out anymore anyway!? especially when we weren't intentionally excluding her, since she was invited to help? the worst part is that everyone else feels the same way i do, but i'm the only one who spoke up, and so i'm the enemy. ARGH. i know she's insecure and that i should take that into consideration, but i just won't take responsibility for her insecurities either. what she says is coldhearted to me is plain blunt, and i just wish that she'd get over it. losing sleep over a gingerbread house. really!
Phantom
QUOTE(herculesgirl @ Dec 15 2006, 02:59 PM) *

Phantom, there are lots of places online where one can find unlisted and cell phone numbers. She may have had to use a pay site to find it, but it can be done.

And yeah, she does sound troubled. You might want to change your cell number if it's really creeping you out, and make it very clear to her that you find her actions disturbing. This may have just been a one-time thing, and she might just be clueless about how to approach someone she's interested in, but there's a definite creepy factor added with the looking up of your personal cell number. Good luck.

That's pretty much what I was thinking, too. Thanks for the second opinion. I haven't heard from her since, so apparently it was just a one time thing.
whitelightning
stutter,

i know i'm going to regret admitting this, but i could be your oversensitive, emotionally infantile roommate. reading your post, i was laughing at what a loser your roommate is to get upset over gingerbread houses when i realized - i am that loser. in the past 6 months or so, i've been feeling "left out" and hurt by some actions of one particular person, with whom i am sharing a house. i was so upset one summer day that i wasn't invited down to the river, i cried. then i was offended when she didn't ask *me* to edit an email. the list goes on...

your roommate's obviously going through some shit and feeling really, really down about herself. which has nothing to do with you. and i'm not making excuses for her; she needs to grow the fuck up. i'm just providing an explanation - take it from someone who's feeling pretty shitty about herself right now.

you're doing a good thing by not letting her off the hook with this. however, i do think you should reiterate everything you posted here and just let her know that while this is not something you're willing to tolerate/put energy towards, you're there for her if she needs to talk.

...maybe that's just what i wish my roommate would say to me...

good luck with it!
go_kayte
I'm feeling pretty discouraged about one of my friends in particular right now. I've known him for quite a few years which makes it more confusing and disappointing. He lives with two of my close friends, and I was hanging out there last night. We were drinking beers and listening to records. He started bitching about his boss being incompetent. My other friend goes "You shouldn't have to work for a woman like that" and he replies "I shouldn't have to work for a woman." All nonchalantly. Three second silence, then polite (?) laughter from other people. I didn't say anything...I just excused myself. I went home feeling like I don't really know this person that is my friend and I don't really want to be around him. I'm not sure if confronting him about it would solve anything, or if I should just stay away from him--but I don't want to stay away from my friends that live with him... I told my boyfriend and one of our good friends about it and they were both sympathetic, agreeing that it was a stupid comment but said it was probably just a joke that misfired, and I shouldn't worry about it. I'm not sure. All I know is that as soon as he said it I just wanted to get out of there.
I just wish he could understand that I hear shit like that at work and school and on tv and everywhere and I really don't wanna hear it from my friends.
What should I do about this dude?
LoveMyPugs
Kayte-

I’m in the same boat as you. A friend of my offended me and I’m not sure whether to say something or not. New Years eve my friend got very drunk at the party we were all at. When he gets drunk he gets very sexual. This doesn’t bother me cause I get the same way. The difference is that I talk about sex a lot and he gets kinda grabby. We both were dancing to music that was playing. We weren’t dancing together just in the same room with other friends. I turned to go sit next to Mr. Pug and my friend smacked me on the ass VERY HARD. ohmy.gif It really stung and kinda took my breath away for a second. I turned around and said, “That really hurt!” He said, “Sorry, I’m really drunk.” I told him if he ever did that again I was going to kick him in the balls. He just laughed. Later on when we were getting ready to leave he smacked me in the tit. Not that hard this time but still. My friend is gay so I don’t feel like he’s touching me in an “I want you” type of sexual way but I still feel it’s very inappropriate. Mr. Pug saw both incidents and when we got to the car to go home he told me he was really pissed at our friend and wanted to kick his ass. mad.gif We haven’t spoken to him since. Not that we are avoiding him, we just haven’t seen each other. I just know Mr. Pug wants to say something next time we see him and I kinda want him to say something but what do you say to someone who isn’t doing it to be sexual only funny and was drunk at the time. I guess you just say please try to control your hands when your around me and drunk. He is a very sensitive friend too and will debate you to the end about how he didn’t do anything wrong. This has been very heavy on my mind. If my friend were straight, Mr. Pug would have laid him out right there on the floor. Being gay shouldn’t give him a free pass to touch me like that right? Being gay has nothing to do with it in all honesty. It has to do with respecting me.

You and I have a situation where our friend is trying to be funny and they’re not. I guess just tell your friend that it bothered you and you’d appreciate if he’d think before he speaks. Good luck with your situation. Hope it goes well whatever you do.
go_kayte
Pugs,
I'm thinking now that I'll let it go but won't forget it-- and if he ever says anything questionable again I'll speak up about it. Your story reminds me of my boyfriend's old roommate. He was gay and VERY handsy when drunk, but he thought people wouldn't feel threatened by him because he was gay. So he would like run up and just start humping me or my boy to be funny, but he did it so much that it got really uncomfortable. My boy is not at all homophobic, but he was worried that if he told his roommate to cut that out it would come off as homophobic. Haha. I don't think we ever ended up asking him to stop, we just sort of tried to avoid him when he was drinking.
mouse
*delurks*

i have to say, one of my pet peeves (and that's a light term for it) is gay guys who think that they have a free pass to touch you or comment inappropriately on your body just because they're gay. seriously, who fucking cares what the motive behind it is? no one is allowed to grab my tits unless it's someone i WANT to grab my tits. it's infuriating, and what really bugs me is that there are girls out there who let them do that, who think it's funny, so they don't learn.

a couple weeks ago i was at a local gay bar with a bunch of friends and we were sitting outside on a bench. this guy comes up and pats my ass and tells me "move your fat ass, honey, so i can sit down too!" i wasn't in an indignant/revenge mood so i just sort of looked at him incredulously and laughed, but my gay guy friend sitting next to me got really pissed off and started tearing the guy down. it was pretty funny to watch him backpedal--"oh my god, i was just trying to be funny, i swear, you're not fat, i promise, oh my god!"--as we just sort of rolled our eyes and then started bitching about the kind of guys who give gay guys a bad name.

*relurks*
kickitkickitkickit
QUOTE(mouse @ Jan 5 2007, 02:22 PM) *

*delurks*

i have to say, one of my pet peeves (and that's a light term for it) is gay guys who think that they have a free pass to touch you or comment inappropriately on your body just because they're gay. seriously, who fucking cares what the motive behind it is? no one is allowed to grab my tits unless it's someone i WANT to grab my tits. it's infuriating, and what really bugs me is that there are girls out there who let them do that, who think it's funny, so they don't learn.

a couple weeks ago i was at a local gay bar with a bunch of friends and we were sitting outside on a bench. this guy comes up and pats my ass and tells me "move your fat ass, honey, so i can sit down too!" i wasn't in an indignant/revenge mood so i just sort of looked at him incredulously and laughed, but my gay guy friend sitting next to me got really pissed off and started tearing the guy down. it was pretty funny to watch him backpedal--"oh my god, i was just trying to be funny, i swear, you're not fat, i promise, oh my god!"--as we just sort of rolled our eyes and then started bitching about the kind of guys who give gay guys a bad name.

*relurks*


Well I whole heartedly agree with you that no one has the right to touch you without your permission. It's degrading, embasrassing, and uncalled for. And he claims he was trying to be funny? Last time I checked, you can make jokes and be funny without sexually harassing someone!! At least your friend was there to turn the situation around.
Phantom
I can't believe so many of you have problems with guys touching you unsolicited! I would feel way too uncomfortable doing that to enjoy it anyway. The best I can figure is that they're just trying to see what they can get away with.

I have an interesting update on an earlier post of mine:

QUOTE(Phantom @ Dec 14 2006, 08:52 PM) *

I've been working a third shift temporary job to get some extra money, and there was was a girl working there named Lisa. I talked to her a few times, and she seemed relatively friendly and unassuming.

The day after our final day of work there, I got a phone call on my cell phone from a girl claiming to have worked with me. At first she tried to get me to recognize her by her voice, but of course I couldn't, since this was my first time of hearing her over the phone. She tried to set up a blind date with me, but somehow the offer threw up red flags, so I didn't accept. After a while of this charade and several inquiries of her indentity, she identified herself as Lisa. (Based on some of her statements, I can safely conclude that it really was her.)

I had been asking her repeatedly how she got my cell phone number, and after dodging the question several times, she responded cryptically, "You can find anyone on the Internet."

She asked me how I felt about her, and I truthfully responded that she seemed nice and I enjoyed talking with her. She pressed to find out how I felt about her body. Here's where it gets really creepy.

After some awkward conversation, she asked, "What would you do if she showed up at your front door naked?" The most frightening part about this is the insinuation that she also knows where I live.

As calmly as I could, I told her, "I would not respond positively to that."

"So you would just leave me out in the cold?" she tried to sound cute.

"You would be in the cold of your own will..." I didn't know what else to say.

"So you wouldn't take me in your arms?"

After some more awkward conversation, she said that I wasn't fun anymore and she hung up.

All I ever told anybody at that job was my first name. The only way I figure she could have gotten the correct spelling of my last name (which is really hard to spell) was to look me up is by looking for my first name in a company document. How she got my cell phone number from that is still a mystery to me, since only home phone numbers are listed in the phone book. I just hope this doesn't escalate into something...

This girl is borderline psycho. Her face is actually pretty, but she looks like she weighs about 300 pounds, so I'm figuring she's not used to guys paying as much attention to her as I did. I'm guessing that's why she approached me in such a socially unacceptable way. The irony is that if she would have just asked for my phone number and invited me on a date like a normal person instead of hunting me down a la Fatal Attraction, I might have given her a chance. What do you guys make of this? For that matter, how in the hell did she get my cell phone number?


I recently ended up working at the same place where I met Lisa. She tlked to me as though nothing had happened. I was talking to her and some of her friends, and she asked for my cell phone number. Obviously, I was puzzled. After a second of thought, I went a head and gave it to her. What's the harm if she already has my phone number anyway? After I told her my number, she said she was going to call to ensure that it was mine. I joked that I shouldn't have given her the number of that pizzaria. tongue.gif

Here's the shocker: when she called me from her cell phone, her number showed on my phone! The other call was from an unlisted number. I later got another unlisted crank call at work (a sex survey at 3:00 a.m. - yeah, right!). After some thought and some conversations with others, I figured out that the original call was from somebody else - some asswipe who has nothing better to do than hunt people down and crank call them. That's why Lisa didn't act embarrassed or anything when she saw me again.

Lisa always seemed pretty nice. That prank call that I thought was her was what I had against her, not her weight (which I think I overestimated after seeing her again; I'm not very good at guessing people's weights). Since she didn't actually go psycho on me, I might even ask her out. Hell, why not!? Like some guys say, there's nothing wrong with some cushion for the pushin'! :naughty:
i-am-jan
I am sorry that happened to you...

I hear gay men critiquing womens' bodies all of the time. As though their opinions are highly valued by women. (?)

The thing that really sucks about this is that - to me personally - it's a bit offensive - knowing that they don't really *Like* women. And they're critiquing like that?

Sounds like a few people need to remember nowadays that beauty is *still* skin deep. For everyone. And that, to get too wrapped up in looks is *still* sort of distasteful. At least to me.

It's almost as though certain people can't come up with any *good* or *funny* jokes and so they take the low road. Mmm hmmm it really is.
hellotampon
I know this is long; I just need to vent. I can't stand this girl that hangs out with my friends from school. My boyfriend doesn't like her either. She dates our friend Paul and they constantly fight, break up, and get back together. They've been together since September and have probably broken up 12 times... this is college, not 8th grade!

She is pretentious, snotty, prissy, manipulative, and self-absorbed. This weekend I drove down to DC with a school group. She wasn't going to go, until Paul broke up with her and then all of a sudden she decided to come. I was doing a good job of not letting her get to me and then on Sunday night we had to get a hotel room, since we couldn't sleep in the church we'd been staying at the past 2 nights. Before the trip, we had all agreed to split one hotel room because most of us are broke (she is a spoiled rich girl). At the last minute on the way to the hotel someone called us and said that she told them she was going to get her own room for her, Paul, and the other 2 people in their car. In the hotel parking lot my boyfriend and I told her calmly but firmly that we were not happy with her decision because it was screwing us out of money that we don't have and it was not what we all agreed to. She started following us around and we said we couldn't discuss it right then. So while we're checking in at the front desk she sends one of our friends in to make us come outside "to apologize."

The reason she got another room was because the whole time, she assumed that her and Paul were getting a bed to themselves (we got 2 double beds) and my boyfriend mentioned that we were going to pull the mattresses off so we'd have the box springs too and no one would be stuck sleeping on the floor. Suddenly she started whining that her back hurt and that she needed a bed. Maybe her back hurt because of the gigantic bag of crap that she brought with her and tried to stuff in everybody else's car.

Another thing: A couple weeks ago we called Paul to hang out with us, and out friend Josh (not from school), and when we called, he was with her, so we had to invite her too. Then they got into a fight, she broke up with him and came over... never told us. We called him later and he said he wasn't coming because she just dumped him. Josh's car broke down and he asked her for a ride home (it was directly on her way) and she got pissy but agreed to do it. They all slept over and the next morning she hung around forever until Josh and my boyfriend left the room and then she huddle in the corner to call Paul and whisper that she really wanted to see him and she was going to his house. Then she goes over to me and says that she forgot she had plans and she can't bring Josh home because it's in the opposite direction now.

She pulls this shit all the time. No one else has hung out with her outside of school as much so they don't know how she is, and if I say I don't like her, I end up looking like a bitch.
LoveMyPugs
hellotampon -

I’ve gotten very close with my three guy friends over the years I've seen many girlfriends come and go and yet I've remained. I find that girls like the one you are describing below just need to be put in their place one time and they'll straighten up. Just get all in her face one time and she'll act right. I hate having to do it cause it always causes some tension between my guy friend(s) and me but sometimes it just needs to be done. They know I have the best intentions.

Just in the last few months I've decided that I don't really like being the kind of person who feels like they need to say something to these fucking bitches so I’ve tried to hold back and bite my tongue. My friends noticed immediately and asked why I was being so quiet. I explained that I don't really like having to put their woman in their place and that it's their relationship and they should speak up for themselves. Surprisingly, they always say that they miss the old me who would get hyphy about chicks with attitudes. Sometimes the old me gets the upper hand and I just explode on somebody.

This one time my guy friend Jay brought this chick over for a party he was throwing. We were all out smoking (back when I smoked). She made a comment like, "My guys cheating on me with a bitch almost as fat as her." and she motioned to me. I wish you could have seen everyone's face in that room when she said that and motioned to me. I was sitting back drinking and smoking and when I heard that. I sat up and put my drink down. ALL of my guy friends shot to their feet and came over to block my path cause they knew I was getting up to lay that bitch out. They started yelling at her to leave the room. She was apologizing the whole way out that she "didn't mean it like that". I was drunk so I was all laid back which probably saved her ass not to mention there were three guys between her and me. Mr. Pug just sat back. The guys were like, "Yo, dude you gonna help us out over here with your woman?" He was like, "Nope, that bitch deserves what she gets."

Here’s another example. My one guy friend Frankie has been dating this chick Sara for a long time. She always gets mouthy when she’s drunk. I’m used to it. She’s never directed it to me so what do I care right? One night she got really loud with me. I tried to be the bigger person and I walked out to cool off. I mean she was drunk right? Mr. Pug was getting our stuff together and saying goodbye. I guess he just took to long for me and my temper got the best of me because I went back in there and told that fucking cunt to check herself. I picked up a chair and through it across the room just missing her head. I got all in her face, towering over her while she sat her drunken ass in her chair. Frankie came over to calm me down and accidentally knocked me to the floor while trying to hold me back. While I was down she got brave and stepped up from her chair. I shot my fat ass up off the floor and told her to sit the fuck back down. She did and after I tore her a new ass I left. I was so upset the next few days. Frankie never took sides, which I know was hard for him. Sara and I didn’t speak for almost three months after that. Then one time I saw her at a party and she took me aside and apologized. She never got that drunk again around me and we are very close friends now. I’m going to be in her wedding.

I warn you to pick your battles though. If this chick is going to be around for a long time then I’d tell her how it is. Show her your true colors. If she’s temporary then just let her go and be stupid. She’s just embarrassing herself anyway right?

I'm feeling this way about one of the chicks I'm hanging out with right now. She’s technically family so I've done good just keeping my mouth shut. She's getting married in April 2008 and she's being ridiculous with the fucking planning. But it's not my shit so I'm not going to say anything. I just hope I can tolerate her for the next year.

I get my temper from my dad. We are the same when we are angry. Funny but I always hated my dad’s temper. Now I catch myself acting just like him. Sad but true.

Good Luck! If you are anything like me, keeping your mouth shut and temper in check is hard for you. Mr. Pug is a big help now. When I start getting loud he booms over me and says, “ENOUGH!” He doesn’t scare me but he brings be back from that dark place I go when I get really pissed and see red.

musicfit
I'm having a rough time because my friend just alerted me (with a rather nasty email) to my snapping at her every time we meet. Only I don't remember having snapped at her. I remember snapping at her a few days ago because she talked to me like I was an idiot because I hadn't heard of a museum that was close to me all these years (though I rarely go to Detroit, I just stay in my own little area most of the time). I don't remember having snapped at her EVERY time we've met. I only remember a couple of occasions when I have snapped at her. Apparently I have insulted her as a musician. I don't remember that, because I have always admired her. I do like this person a lot, she just gets on my nerves a lot. I don't know how to explain it. I guess I'm envious of her and all she knows and all the places she's been. I just do what I can to get by, other people seem to effortlessly do what they need to do. This friend is one of them. She seems to be good at just about everything and I fall short. How can I explain to her that I feel inferior to her without sounding like a complete heel? I don't want to be mean to her and never had a desire to make her feel bad. I admit there have been times when I have felt like smacking her because she gets upset over the tiniest things...but I am also like that. We are similar in that way, and perhaps that is why we don't get along nearly as well as I get along with my other friends.

But I don't want to lose her as a friend. I have decided to wait a couple of weeks and then call her to discuss this over the phone rather than over email. I want it to be a civil conversation, I don't want to be rude to her in any way. Any suggestions? Anyone been through this with a friend before?
lux
musicfit - i think it's a good idea to call her, to get some clarification on the matter. it can very well be that she overreacted. it happens in all kinds of relationships. and it's also possible that you have snapped at her, unintetionally and not beeing aware that you were doing it.

i've had a similar problem with a good friend of mine. We've been friends for a really long time, so we've developed some not so healthy patterns in our relationship. she has a tendency to be quite negative and give me negative comments and make fun of me. which i could take if it was sometimes, not all the time. so after years of this, i've grown up and gotten more awere of how ilet others to treat me. i tred once to talk to her about her commenting, but she was compleatly unaware of this. i didn't take it up after that, it's not an easy subject to take up and i didn't feel very motivated after her reaction. after that i've grown distant from her, but i don't lose her, since she can also be a good friend. now i'm getting to my point:) before taking the matter up with her, i felt like all she was doing was bitching. because it was bothering me, it was the only thing i could see in her. this might also be the case with your friend. and especially, if she's been thinking about this for a longer time, it might be that what she wanted to say, came out wrong. everyone who's ever been in a relationship, has said "you always leave...", without meening it quite so litterraly.

i hope you two can have talk about it and work things out. losing friends is hard.

more random bablin about me! as i said i never really worked things out with my friend. it's a bit of shame. we're still in contact, but i always feel a bit weird with her, because i feel dishonest not beeing able to say to her how i feel about our relationship. there might be an expiry date for some friendships, thought things are better. less bitching, i guess she' matured a bit. t just will never be the same way as it was when we were young.
ok, now i'm getting sentimental:)
bettieblank
musicfit- i think it is a good idea to talk it all out. I would wait a few days and lets things cool down. You never know if she was talking to someone else about it and if they egged her on and got her more worked up than she should be, it is easy for someone who wasnt there to hear you say whatever made your friend upset make you look like a total jerk. So let her cool down and then talk to her. Explain how you realize now that you snapped at her last time but you did it because of how she was talking to you. She might not even realize that she used that tone of voice about the museum thing, it could all just be an over reaction to a misunderstanding! It might lead to a good heart to heart, a nice healthy venting to clear the air.

I have a group of friends where we all have known each other since we were 10 years old. I had a similar situation happen with two of the girls in this group, the aggrivation came from an outside source and it blew up to be something way bigger than it ever should have. I talked to each girl seperatly and with one girl it all worked out and she was able to look at it and see what really happened and we are still the bestest of friends to this day lol. With her if something happens we have conversations about it, we can joke about our little arguments and just get over it and move on. But the other girl, our relationship has never been the same. It didnt matter what I said to her or what anyone else said either, there was no consoling her. It got so out of hand that her mom got involved and told the group of us how terrible we were to her daughter. We still talk, but we will never be as close as we used to be and it makes me sad because we were really close for so long!

My point: Talk it out, but be prepared for whatever happens.

I hope that helps
musicfit
There are some things I neglected to mention. She said I was more mean to her than anyone she has ever called a friend and that I am mean to her every time we meet. More mean to her than anyone she has ever called a friend is pretty serious. I have been known to say things I'm not aware that I was saying. This is just the strangest fight I have had with her, all these fights have been over email. It seems like she is so afraid of confrontation that she always sends emails about stuff. It all started with a bitchy email I sent her about something stupid that I was way out of line getting upset about. I don't think she ever forgave me for that email. In it, I basically insulted her because I was angry that she thought Paganism might not be a good spirituality because we knew one guy who was crazy and ran a Pagan group. I ripped her apart in the email (but not all of it was meant to be downright mean or to tear her apart, but that was how she saw it) email is not a good medium to get angry with. This email I sent was about 2 years ago.

You are both right, I really need to sit down with her and have a talk when she cools down.
bettieblank
Doing things over e-mail is tough because you somethings lose a part of their meaning when you cant hear the tone of voice or see their facial expression. When you are fighting through e-mail that is really rough because it never seems to end. WHat might be an apology or explaination can be taken the wrong way and make things worse. I feel the same way about text messages. I think it is always better to talk it out. Good Luck!

and if it make you feel any better Jackie(the one who holds grudges)when we were squabbling told me that I was the bitch of the group and she felt like If it were not for the other ladies in our group she wouldnt hang out with me to begin with. She said it in the heat of the moment and later on she said she felt bad and recognized all of the good things about our friendship. but still she chooses to keep a wall up between us. so even if she said you were always mean to her it might be something she said in the heat of the moment. If you are meant to her all the time then thats one thing and she is justified in having said it, but if you were snippy with her a few times over a few things then just chalk it up to her being upset.
musicfit
I have the tendency to say things in a certain tone at times that sounds mean to some people. There are mean things I have said to others in the past that when I found out that I said them, I couldn't believe it. If I am mean to her every time we meet, it is definately unintentional. If it was intentional, I would remember it, like the intentional anger I directed toward her after I thought she was being condescending.

lux
it's good that you want sort things out, musicfit. good luck! i hope you say what you wrote down there to her. then it might be easier for her to look at what she's said to you, and maybe realize that she might be a bit out of line. i mean calling someone "more mean to her than anyone she has ever called a friend", i pretty harsh. i don't know you, but you don't sound down right mean and evil in your posts.
do you know if she argues with other friends of hers? it might be that her expectations for friends, are that one never argues, and that why she's so upset about this. people have very different experiences and attitudes to arguing and disagreeing.

e-mail is definitely the worst way to argue with someone. also IMing with someone who's not used to the delays in the conversation. Somehow that can also lead in to an argument or make things worse. (just so you know, i also have friendships that work:))
erinjane
God, I'm getting so frustrated with one friend who's been one of my three best buds for going on 8 years now. I feel she just doesnt' care if she hangs out with us, her friends anymore. It seems like whenever she gets a boyfriend, it's all on him, all her time is sectioned off, and we're ALWAYS second best. I can understand putting your partner first, but she's been dating him for a year and a half and it still feels like she just can't make the time for us.

My friends and I were planning a trip to the states, but because a number of people couldn't go it got cancelled. I suggested we rent a cottage instead, and everyone else is down, but she emails me and says that all her weekends are called for, it sounds expensive, and that no one really wants to go. So she has time to go to the states for a week, but not to a cottage for a weeked? Expensive? If 8 of us go it would only be $25 a head for four days. No one wants to go? I have 6 people interested, not including her and her boy.

It's just like, how long am I willing to be treated like I'm barely her friend anymore, but I can't stop being her friend either because I love her and because her twin sister is my other (closer) friend. I feel like I should confront her but I don't want to have to deal with a big thing between us. I'm just sick of feeling like she's not willing to put the time in to be close friends, and I'm sick of expecting that she ever will again.
Muffy
erinjane, I'm sorry your friend has put you all second best.

oddly enough I'm having some problems with my two best friends only I'm kind of on the other side. I'm the one they're all pissed at because my job takes my time away from them. I think they're feeling the need to punish me by not returning my messages, blowing me off, and making me miserable - I've made efforts to get together with them! Last weekend I was going to meet up with them and they changed plans... Last night they didn't come to the opening reception for my art exhibit, no explaination they just didn't show up! I know they're upset that I can't spend alot of time with them like I used to. Its like I'm torn between my crappy retail job and my best friends! I just wish they could be a little more understanding of my situation. I'm looking for another job, but its been slow going and I'm certainly not going to quit my job when I have piles of bills to pay.

musicfit
Erinjane, it might not be that she doesn't want to be friends with you, it might just be that she has other things that she wants to do that she reserves time and vacation time for and that the thing you guys are doing is something she isn't able to do at this time. Granted, her saying "no one wants to go" is pretty immature. I wish you luck. If you feel that you are not that important to her anymore, I would talk to her about it in person the next time you see her. As you all know, I have tried having arguments over email that have all ended in disaster or in making the argument worse than it actually was.

About my friend, I have decided to take a break from her and her girlfriend (they both have personalities that are different from mine). After going to a spiritual gathering last week, I have come to realize that the best way to deal with this is time. I don't really understand them and they do not understand me. But we have good times together, so I don't want to end the friendship. However, over time feelings soften. I'm going to talk to her about it either on the phone or in person, but not right now. I'm going to wait a long while. What she said upset me so much that I'm afraid I would say something I would regret later on. I know I've said some nasty things to her as well and it's better that we just not talk for awhile.
musicfit
Sorry, I was not intending to send another post.
erinjane
I talked to her sister, who then talked to her, who then talked to me. We chatted a bit, and I kind of feel like she's always trying to use excuses, but at least it was out in the open. One of the things she said to me was she thought we had a friendship where we could always be friends no matter what, and I replied that it's hard to stay close to someone you never even talk to. I still feel like there's this thing, but I dunno. Blah.
laurenann
*bump*

i need some advice and ideas!

i've been staying at my friend's condo since the beginning of june, when i moved out of the apartment i shared with my boyfriend. i thought about getting a sublet, but then decided to move to a different city, but that's not happening until august, so i've kinda just been here forever. she did say i could stay here when the break up first happened, but i don't think she was thinking i'd be here for two months. i just really did not have the energy to do anything about my living situation, and then when i decided to move out of the city i figured i might as well stay here until then. i totally feel like i am over staying my welcome, and i am SO grateful and appreciative of my friend and her husband for being so hospitable and nice. i think i'm a pretty good house guest, i try to tidy up the apartment a few times a week and i cook them dinner and try to give them enough time alone, but it still must be a pain in the ass to have someone crashing at your place for so long.

anyway, does anyone have any ideas about how i could possibly show them how much i appreciate them letting me stay here, and what amazing and helpful friends they are? i feel like there is nothing i could do to pay them back.
gumby_cc
Laurenann, how about a gift certificate to a really nice restaurant? Museum passes? Whalewatch? smile.gif I can't think of anything that is not lame. Good luck with your move! I hope your cat handles the car allright (I've been lurking in the kitty thread)


So I was a bridesmaid in June for my best friend's wedding. I really put a lot into it, and even though I was dreading it because I was broke and bridesmaidery stuff is not my thing, I got into it and had fun. She really seemed to appreciate all I helped her with. I've been engaged for 5 months myself, and am not having a wedding party at all. I got her reply card in the mail last week which said she wasn't coming. I was totally, completely floored. We talked on the phone the day after, and she just said, "There's no way I can go, because I can't take the time off of work and it's too much money". She lives in San Diego and her wedding was here in Mass, but the entire 5 months I've been engaged she didn't once even give me a hint that she was considering not going. I felt like it was such a freaking dis. She has been to every other bridesmaid's wedding (even the one in NYC last week), so this would be the only one she wouldn't go to. It's not that I wanted her to reciprocate all the hard work I did for her, I just wanted her to be a guest. We even talked the night she mailed the reply card out, and she didn't say anything then either. This was so unlike her. I sent her a letter saying how hurt I was, but I haven't heard back yet. I have no idea how she is going to respond. I feel like such a fucking loser for her doing this to me. I really consider her my best friend and I never in a million years think she would do this.
samiam
Laurenann -- how about a certificate for a professional cleaning service to clean the condo? Or just get the service to come in when you move out. I would LOVE it if someone did this for me.
nickclick
laurenann, what did you finally give? and how was your move?

gumby, i hope your wedding was great, despite her absence. did she ever respond to your letter?

so please tell me what to do. my friend makes a big deal over her birthday, so she booked a lounge and invited like everyone she knows out, including my ex-bf and his new gf. she only knows these people because she knows me. i'm okay that she's remained friends with my ex, and it's okay if she likes his gf, but i'm not okay with the fact that i'm her good friend and she's putting me and mr.nick in this uncomfortable situation. i really don't want to go. mr.nick either, but he says he'll go if i go. i really don't think she's done this on purpose, but she's being selfish and it's all about the numbers.

i'm gonna tell her what she did wrong, but should i before the party, so we don't have to show? or should i just go, drink a dozen rum&cokes, drop off her stupid gift, and tell her after? i'm in no mood for the drama.
LoveMyPugs
Sorry to interupt but I'm having the most awful instant message discussion with a friend of mine and i just have to say that she is being the biggest gold digging bitch I have ever met in my entire life. She is honestly making me ashamed to be a woman. I'm not even holding back anymore. I don't care what she thinks. She's just awfulness. I feel bad for her man. What a spoiled rotten brat. making me sick to my stomach honestly.
phobia
Nick -- I'd wait till after, but I'd make a token appearance and maybe not even stay for a drink. I think that would send the message that something was wrong -- maybe she'd even approach you to find out what was up (yeah right). But that's how I'd handle it. Go, make it clear you're not friendship-endingly mad at her, but also make it clear that you're not happy, without ruining her night. You should also have a really crappy excuse about why you're not staying, heh. Or maybe that's too mean.

At least you're not in my boat -- my selfish awful friend thinks it's fine to demand that everyone fly to New Orleans to celebrate her birthday (30th, but still) this winter. God the thought of it is making me so annoyed and I'm dreading it so much, and there's just no way not to go. Gah.

Pugs -- I'm sorry that a bunch of your friends are turning out to be total dumbasses (as we discussed elsewhere). Hang in there -- I'm sure not EVERYone is a total loser! Hang in there!
LoveMyPugs
phobia - this friend has had it coming for a long time. i'm actually glad that i finally told her what an asshole she really is. in fact i think the six year relationship between her and i is pretty much over now and i can honestly say that i'm not that upset about it. i'd love to elaborate but i gotta get to bed. early day tomorrow and all. thanks for the reply.
nickclick
pugs, good riddance. as i get older i realize i don't need extra baggage like that in my life, and the more i need good friends. once in a while we all have our moments, but if she's exhibiting this behavior often, who needs it?

phobia, thanks i will probably take your advice and just make an appearance. i hate being a baby or making a stink. that's not my style. and then i'll tell her how she made me feel. if she continues to be selfish, i don't need that extra baggage either.

and that's super selfish to expect you to fly to a birthday party! not everyone has the funds or the time off from work or school for such things. weddings and funerals are different, but a birthday party? ah birthday? one of many?

when i throw a party i want everyone invited to have a good time and not be sorely inconvienenced. why aren't our friends seeing this?
phobia
Nick -- totally! Also, I told her I could only make it down for one or the other weekend, and she got kind of pissy, like "why can't you come down the whole weeeeeek??? I did it over MLK weekend so everyone has an extra day offfff!" Um what? Who, aside from like bankers, publishers, and students, has off for MLK? Not a whole lot of industries, that's who. And also? Why the fuck would she think I wanted to spend MY vacation time doing stuff SHE wants to do to keep her from whining at me? MY vacation time is for MY vacation. I can maybe spare a day or two for a long weekend, but honestly, even pretend-acting like it's remotely understandable to spend a week on someone else's party? Yeesh. You've GOT to be kidding me. The more I talk to her about this, the more I dread going. We don't like the same things, we don't like the same activities, I like very few of her friends, and she's just incredibly selfish and annoying almost all of the time. Like, the kind of person who gets really pissy if my boyfriend and I are enjoying a private joke, and then insists we explain it to her. She gets really hostile if nobody is paying attention to her. So fucking annoying.

Ok, end rant! Off to lunch!
nickclick
so do you think you're still going to go? flying and staying in a hotel etc. are big commitments if she's not going to appreciate it.
phobia
Oh, yeah, we'll go. Just for a long weekend, though. She'll appreciate it in her own way. I think I make her out to be a lot worse than she is...

See, the real thing is (WARNING -- RANT AHEAD) is I'm kind of stuck with her. Her mum died when we were little, and her dad pretty much left her to raise herself. When we were BFF in high school her dad met someone new, an experience that ended... badly for his daughters. Her sister tried for years to reconcile with him, despite the fact that his new wife got child support services called on her because the sister turned up at a friend's house (friend's mom's a social worker, natch) with bruises all over. Sister wound up dissapearing a couple years ago -- we think she just snapped. Luckily, M made a better decision and moved in with us. My parents and my "real" sister and me. Our house is pretty much "home," my mom got mad at her for staying out late and making bad decisions (something that she confessed to me had never ever happened to her because nobody cared enough), she spends holidays with us and our extended family (usually spends Xmas day with mom's family, though). For all intents and purposes, she's my sister. Which unfortunately means I'm stuck with her, BFF anymore or not. Luckily, I'm well versed in this, as my "real" sister and I don't neccesarily get along, so I don't mind biggrin.gif That's what sisters are for. She just drives me nuts and I feel like I can't tell her off, 'cause she's my SISTER and she's had such a HARD LIFE and has such a fucked up brain. Le sigh.

Honestly, though, she's not that bad. I've crashed with her on short notice before to absolutely ZERO complaints -- not even little snide under-the-breath stuff. Whenever I happen to be nearby for work, she makes every effort to get together, and she can be a lot of fun sometimes. But sometimes I have a feeling that she's letting herself use her bad past as an excuse to act badly now.

Which reminds me -- do any of you guys have problems with "work friends?" I've got a friend at work who I really like a lot, but who unfortunately is a bit nutty and can be very moody. I feel like she uses our out-of-work friendship to act meaner to me than she would ordinarily. But when I try to minimize outside contact she gets sort of needy, and I feel bad, because we get along SO well, and the rest of her friends are so awful. Very sticky situation, eh?
nickclick
yeah, i guess you're stuck with her, but at the same time she should appreciate you that much more, that you've been there for her when needed, so if it's a hassle to go to her birthday, it's not because you wouldn't do such a thing, but you just can't.

are you saying your work friend is too sarcastic or something at work? i'm not sure i get what you mean. but from what you said about her having otherwise shitty friends, you can't assume that problem as your own. i've done that waaay too many times with friends.... invited them on dates or to other friends' parties because they didn't have something to do on a weekend, only to have them complain about something or sulk. sometimes i get tired of always being the mommy.

and that's what i think happened sort of with my friend and her upcoming gala of selfishness. she invited my ex without asking because i'm usually the level headed cool as a cucumber one, so if the thought did cross her mind that it might have been weird for me and my bf to be hanging out with my ex and his gf, she may have dismissed it as something i could or will just handle.

okay my rant is done.
phobia
As far as the work friend goes, I mean MEAN -- snapping at me for no reason, just being generally rude when I try to talk to her even if it's about work, stuff like that. I don't care if people at work want to be moody or bitchy, but if you want to call me later to chat or go out, you know, that's not cool. I'm starting to feel like she thinks because we're "friends" outside of work that she can just take shit out on me. So I've been trying to keep my distance, but then if I do that, she gets all "how come you don't wanna hang out with me anymore?" But half the time if I do call her up and invite her somewhere, she either doesn't want to or says she will and then I get a text message at like midnight that says she fell asleep on the couch (I'm not kidding -- it's always the couch excuse...maybe she needs a less comfy couch!). I have no idea what her problem is but I'm getting really tired of it, and I'm starting to feel I'm being taken advantage of. Urgh...

Speaking of always being the mommy... Yeah, me too. Yeesh.
nickclick
phobia, there's no reason for you to be her verbal punching bag, at or away from work. let her sleep on the couch forever.

so the no-fun birthday party is coming up this saturday. (to update, my good "friend" invited my ex and his girlfriend without asking me or warning me first) my boyfriend will go, and i even convinced one of his friends to come along to entertain him, but he keeps asking why i want to even bother going, and what i really get out of my friendship with this friend anyway. i really can't answer except to say that i'm avoiding confrontation i guess. and although she's being a jerk, i can't bring myself to ruin her party and/or her b-day (hopefully all exes and new sig. others will behave and the party won't be ruined anyway). and after the party i'll send a polite but stern email saying why she hurt my feelings. that's more my style than freakouts. if she considers that a friend break-up, then so be it.

i really can live my life without her. she's always been one of those friends that's good to shop or watch a movie with. up until now, she's been only a minor annoyance now and then. and although she knows enough about my breakup with the ex to know we'd all be weird around each other, she isn't the first one i call with problems or good news or anything.

i may be an a-hole to say this, but even tho she's not my closest, i'm probably her closest friend, and many of the invitees to her party are people she's met through me. so the mommy in me is often worried about her fun.
hellotampon
Okay, so my roommate has had pots and pans sitting in the kitchen sink for 2 weeks. They're attracting bugs and they interfere with me washing my own dishes because I have to work around them all the time. Not to mention the fact that I can't use the pans for anything until they are clean, and one of them is a nice, huge pot with a lid that came from my mother's house.

I only moved in with my boyfriend of 3 years a month or two ago, and the roommate has been living here for years. So I feel really uncomfortable saying anything, but this is getting ridiculous. Since I moved in, my boyfriend and I have been making all these improvements (cleaning out closets, getting rid of stuff, redecorating) and I've been keeping the place really clean. For a couple weeks I was the only one doing any housework at all so I talked to my boyfriend and now he's pulling his weight.

Meanwhile, the roommate does nothing. I've never seen him lift a finger around here. He shits in the same toilet as us but has never cleaned it and he takes 40-minute showers every day yet has never cleaned the shower. Does not vaccuum, mop, wipe counters, clean sinks, empty trash, run the dishwasher, NOTHING. And I don't even care if he does that shit- I know these things are more important to some than others. But I do care when he doesn't clean his FUCKING DISHES.

To add insult to injury, he's been unemployed since May and doesn't attend college. My boyfriend and I both work full time and go to school. If anyone should be doing a disproportionate amount of housework it's him, not me.

I just needed to rant. I'm so pissed off. I don't want to start drama. If I say anything I'm pretty sure I'll get attitude about it, and passive-aggressive behavior, and it'll just suck mor ein the long run.

I just need to rant!
gumby_cc
Ugh, I can commiserate with you, HelloTampon. My last roommate (before I moved in with my boyfriend) was exactly the same way. He would go on vacation for two weeks but leave everything in the sink, knowing full well I was going to be home that entire time dealing with his mess. His room was so trashed that once my cat was sitting under his bed and we all thought it was a rat crawling through the mess. The building management company ended up throwing all his shit out that he had left on the balcony for three months....and when he came home he thought it had been stolen. Once I bought him a bathroom organizer thing, but after a month it fell under the bathtub, and it stayed there until we moved out, 6 months later. Geez, my blood pressure is rising just thinking about this. My advice would be to move out somewhere with your boyfriend. Sometimes it's just easier/better for your health than dealing with a character like that all the time. It's such a frustrating feeling expecting shit like that when you are going home and just want to relax for once.
hellotampon
Well I finally said something about it. I asked him if he was going to wash the dishes as nicely as possible, and he did, although he said, "I don't remember using this big pot." Maybe because it was such a long time ago! But he washed it, and I was finally able to clean the bottom of the sink, and I felt so much better.

Although he's been acting kinda passive-aggressive ever since. Someone tore up my boyfriend's dog's bed. My boyfriend's dog has a history of ripping things up, whereas my dog does not. Then we found out my dog was outside all day so he couldn't have done it. But ever since I asked my roommate to wash his dishes he's been saying that it was my dog that did it. He KNOWS this from "examining the bite marks" and concluding that it had to be my dog. He makes sure to bring it up at least twice a day. Ass. Get a damn job and you won't have time to examine fucking "bite marks" on a dog's bed. If you have time to be doing that, then you have time to scrub the toilet.
tankgirl
ive been in a similar situation ht, and all i can say is that once people get used to taking advantage of the fact that eventually, someone will clean up after them, its really hard to "train" them out of it per say. a lot of people are just so used to having other people clean up after them, they dont even feel guilty about leaving messes and not helping with housework. i dont have any advice except for to be as open about it as possible and try not to be passive agressive back towards him, because even though he may deserve it, it wont make your situation any easier.
kittenb
ht - you have my sympathies. I have no good advice on that one.

I rarely have complaints about my best friend but he just managed to irritate the hell out of me. This weekend, due to a mistake that was both our faults, we missed most of the wedding ceremony of a good friend of mine. I was so embarressed that I started to cry. That happend sometimes when I get embarressed or angry.

Well, he told his boyfriend about it and the boyfriend said "Why would she cry about that?" And my friend responds some thing like "Oh I don't know. She just gets weird about being punctual." When he told me about this I just snapped "Actually, I get weird about offending my friends and missing major events. I didn't want her [the bride] to be mad at me."

Sometimes it is just hard being best friends with a guy. I think a woman would have understood that one a lot sooner. dry.gif
hoosierman78
HT-
This is somewhat passive-agressive, but I have found it to be a useful last resort for roommates that forget that they don't have someone else to clean up after them anymore.

In college, I had a roommate that would leave his empty pop/beer bottles wherever he happened to finish drinking their contents, leave clothes wherever they happened to be taken off, and leave dishes piled in the sink until either me or one of my other roommates would wash them just to get the stink out of the kitchen. After repeated requests to pick up after himself, my other roommates & I decided to teach him a lesson.

Every time one of us saw him leave his mess for others, we would pick it up and deposit it in his bedroom. It really is amazing how a little motivation (and some funky ass smells) will get someone to pick up after themselves.

I actually employed this method on two different roommates. It took one of them about a week to get the hint. It took the other even less time. Naturally, this only works if the offender has their own bedroom (and you can lock yours to prevent potential retaliation).
walkingbitch
I don't know how you guys do it, and I give anyone that has a roommate so much credit. I haven't had any since college, and anytime I wander by here and read the tidbits posted I thank GOD that I have either lived alone with family (sometimes worse) or with my boyfriend that then became my husband, who actually would be posting stuff like this about me since he really is the house bitch.
hellotampon
QUOTE(tankgirl @ Sep 16 2007, 11:06 PM) *
ive been in a similar situation ht, and all i can say is that once people get used to taking advantage of the fact that eventually, someone will clean up after them, its really hard to "train" them out of it per say. a lot of people are just so used to having other people clean up after them, they dont even feel guilty about leaving messes and not helping with housework.


Yeah I'm pretty sure that he had one of those mommies that did everything for him. And I know that before I moved in my boyfriend would end up doing all the cleaning.

And I don't want to reinforce his lazy behavior, but I also don't want to let the house get really messy. My boyfriend would be a total slob for a week or 2 and let things build up before cleaning, and then start messing it up again immediately, but that's not my style. After a few days of not cleaning, the mess overwhelms me and I don't want to deal with it at all. So I just don't let things get to that point. And it's hard when one of the people in the house doesn't do anything at all.

It just annoys me that on a Saturday night I'll be on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor or something and my roommate is sitting RIGHT THERE in his room with the door open playing video games. It's like a slap in the face. And then he'll want to stand around uselessly and say little passive-aggressive things about my dog- he just STANDS there while I run around doing things.

I don't have a problem doing more housework than my boyfriend right now because the hours at one of my jobs has been cut in half temporarily, so i have more time than him. also understand that my tolerance for messes is lower than theirs. Meanwhile our roommate hasn't had a job in months and no other responsibilities either.

Boyfriend and I bought a squeege for the shower so we wouldn't have to clean it as often, and the roommate is even too lazy to use that. And he's the one that takes a shower for 40 minutes every day.

Sorry for all the long rambling posts. I have no one to talk to about this because all our friends are mutual.
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