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mornington
*delurks*

woo! danny! and woo for mando too!

Freckle, I was an early bloomer too... I second the getting measured thing and going for simple at least to start. Give her lots of choice and make it fun - I've seen some really pretty (as in "I wish they made those when I was ten") training bras around but you have to hunt. I'd steer clear of VS until she's a little older (unless she wants to go there). And I don't think you went too far at all with PE. There is indeed a special circle of hell for those teachers.

I'm sort-of dating a man with an eight-year-old son. I'm lurking in preparation should this relationship become in any way serious.

freckleface2727
ok, VS is the only store I could even think to take to get her measured in in the first place, and she'll be home w/in the hour for us to go, so Quck- where else?!?!

she's very much the plain cotton no-frills un-girly-girl type, something I'm not even sure VS even offers as I don't personally ever shop there.
and lemme tell you.. her boobs are pretty damn endowed already, nothing ' little girl' ish about it, my poor love bug. its ZOOM past the training and jumping into the grown ladies w/ a Splash I'm afraid sad.gif

quick quick quick- penny's? sears? I live in such a wasteland I can't think what else is close.. belks? hects maybe?

welcome mornington!!

= standing by for advice before we go today (bc she knows she's going & is not putting up a fight so I must strike while the iron is hot!)
moxiegirl
any department store...jcpenny has a really good dept for the pre-teen set. that's where my 11 year old cousin went, anyways. we bloom early in our family...
freckleface2727
VICTORY!!!

and not as in the VS kind either!!

we started out at vs yes, and they actually don't even carry any minimizer bra's there- would you believe it?
had a really helpful young salesgirl w/ enormously large boobs herself, and only 18, so at a mere 6 yrs older than frecklette could totally identify w/ what she was going through.
measured her ( & me) & my beloved lovebaby is wearing damn near the Same Size As ME- at 12!!
(did I mention she's only about an inch shorter now too?).
so after having her try on several, we walked out w/ a $50** Imax or whatever their newest line is,bc of the bunch, it did fit her "close to the best" & we didn't know what else we might find as we Thought we were starting at the top of the pile so to speak?
$50** for One Bra.

so stumbling out of there (we're so not "mall people" and never know where we are going) we made a blind left towards Belk and it was then that the lingerie gods decided to smile on us, and bless us not only w/ an empty fully stocked lingerie dept, but a helpful & Patient mother of a same -age teen girl herself- AND a great sale on Vanity Fair.
frecklette tried on another 6 or 7 and finally we found 3 that were hands down Winners.! she was actually smiling in the dressing room!
AND when we were ringing them up, we discovered that 1 was $32.99 whereas 1 we thought was identical was only $9.99 so the clerk let me return & exchange it after she helped me find the last cheaper one.
she was truly, Wonderful.

ok so I bought 2 myself, and they were $20**each, but hey, I've had my boobs longer! ( & they make the ole girls look rather, uh, perky!! who knew they could still do Tricks?)

anyway, total damage for the 5 we bought today was close to $80**, AFTER we took the VS one back.

frecklette got 2 really good quality Champion sports bra's w/ underwire that should be good under her regular school clothes as well as in pe, along w/ a good quality everyday micro knit one too.

the mr's going to have a shit that we spent that much, but he really is completely clueless the ordeal this involves. I would have gladly spent $50** Per Bra if they were a good fit, and then bought her several.
as it is we bought her literally the only 3 in styles & Fit that worked best for her. if luck stays with us we'll be able to go back & get larger sizes of those if needed now too. I was happy, no wait, Thrilled, with the 3.

anyway!

thankyou all for your <hee!> support & advice on this.


mando, I still can't believe our/Your ( I want him to be Ours, bc I want him to grow up to marry frecklette) is in High School.
who said that was ok?

seems like just yesterday he was a nervous 7th grader himself.
bmic.
I'm so glad he is loving it so much and has made the transition so easily.

geeze.

and I'm sorry if what I said about the 11th was insensative sweetie.
I am obnoxiously dense when it comes to this stuff. you were so close honey, you have Every Right to feel as you do with no apology or sensorship needed.

forgive me?


moxie- now you know- send your cousin to belk's ladies when she is ready to move up! smile.gif
thankyou thankyou for your advice! I so heart you !

mornington,
do you want to talk about your relationship that has the boy-child ?
I'm taking it that you haven't met him yet but think it's coming?
we're so glad you are here, so please, come talk to us about whatever smile.gif
mandolyn
"... and I'm sorry if what I said about the 11th was insensative ..."

no no no! i didn't mean to imply that AT ALL! i was just trying to convey that i'm still very emotional, conflicted, anxious, etc ... and just can't really talk about 9/11 rationally. i see images of the towers, even in the past, still standing, (forget the smoking crumbling images) and i lose it. and i'm pretty convinced it's going to happen again. only it will be much worse next time. which is not something i should even say, to young mothers. because the world's agonies are all so much worse and so much scarier once you have kids. which was the main reason i didn't want kids. (remember the scene in terminator 2, where she imagines the kids on the playground incinerated in a nuclear holocaust? um, yeah. that was my worst fear in the universe, brought to life. and on the morning of 9/11, when i was half-convinced it was coming true ... i was too frozen and clueless to even go get my kid from school. ah, shit. it's a long story. i had my reasons.)

see? this is why i shouldn't even talk about it. i'm a nonsensical alarmist.

but really, i'm sorry to even make you think i was offended ... and please, talk about it all you want. just don't mind my being quiet.

so glad you had such a good bra-buying experience. i'm proud of you both!

and yes, i know all too well that VS doesn't carry minimizers. for a place that made it's name with boobies, i hold it against them that they don't care about those of us with DDD's.

my bra's all cost upwards of $50+. i'm used to it. *heavy sigh*
freckleface2727
I have to agree w/ you mando about vs.

I actually walked out of there, twice, w/ out being tempted by more than perfume ( their Halo Divine does really smell that way & I am pretty sure I MUST have it asap).
all their things are fitted towards anorexic size 2's.
the thing is.. I Used to shop there. constantly. back when the mr & I were dating & early married and I had Big Boobs back then too & never had a problem finding lingerie there. my store ( I worked at a mall) was directly across from them and so I knew when they got new shipments in ( fyi the girl's were all bitches there back then too) but my point is... when did they start changing from being All About Bra's, to pointless & unneccessary?

anyway!

$50** each time you buy a bra?
oy vey but that is crazi!!

I personally have thought for some time, that for trully Neccessary Items, such as Eyeglasses & Contacts- Hearing Aides- Bra's & Underwear, SOCKS- these things should be Free.
yes FREE.
you can't function w/out them, really, so it just makes sense.
then everyone could have what they needed, instead of it being so divided up into the Have's & Have Not's.
if frecklette had been say, 1 of 3 kids, never ever would that much $$ been spent yesterday, and the mr didn't even bat an eye.
but then, I do tend to prefer my inner Utopia in my head to reality... le sigh.


as to the 11th.
I don't know.
I am seriously thinking of keeping the girl child home that day, but then, isn't that sort of crap bc A) it's Expected, B ) it's " letting the bad guys win", and C) shows how freaked out & how pathetic & over-reactive I still am over it.

and no mando, I didn't directly know anyone in either location either, and wasn't even in-country, let alone as close as you were, and I still carry this weird sort of paralyzing terror with me too so sweetie,

it's ok. talk.

heck if you did it might make me feel alittle less crazi myself even.. bc I hate feeling this way.

I wrote a bunch of other stuff just now too, but if y'all read it, you'd call the people w/ the big nets, so instead,,


hugs & kisses,

freckle
mandolyn
wait a minute. why would you keep frecklette home this year over any other? is it because it's the 5th anniversary and it's a round-enough number for the terrorists to do something else this monday?

i hadn't even thought of that. that's how far in the sand my head is. gah.

but i don't think danny would let me let him stay home. he's not a worrywort. he's his father's son in that regard, thank god.

and i know i said i wouldn't talk about it anymore, but the reason why i let him stay in school on 9/11/01 - and even let him go to his regular after-school program - was because i was on the phone with the mr (when the phone lines were working) and he kept telling me "if you go get him, it'll freak him out even more." i desperately needed the time to adjust myself, and get my gameface on. (and i owe whatever strength i was able to muster that day to bust - especially my beloved kvetchettes - who helped more than they'll ever know.) plus, in true, sheltering mama-bear fashion, i wanted him to have a few more hours of normalcy before life changed forever.

it happens again, i go get him. period. end of story. i don't care if he's 22, in college. it was pure torture not having him "safe" by my side until 4 pm that day.
moxiegirl
not to make this a 9/11 remembering place, but we work 1 block from the detroit federal courthouse, so we were evacuated on 9/11. the expressways were totally clogged, and i was just freaked the fuck out. the worst (and best?) part was that moxieman and i were in the midst of serious relationship issues, and the only place i could go was home to him. That was the first night since since our "troubles" began that we said "i love you" again. So, in a way, it was very bittersweet. I always feel a little guilty about that. We think of summer '01 as our second "anniversary" time, so its kind of a milestone year for us too...new baby, 5 years, etc.

Danny's in friggin HS?!? Isn't he 10? God damn...i'm gonna go pull grey hairs and examine my stretch marks now.
freckleface2727
you know you might be right.

I think I will ever so casually mention it to frecklette and see how she responds.
as she now Lives to go to school and socialize I can pretty much anticipate her answer.

but no, I hadn't put any specific thought on it being the *5th* ann of it.
it was just in general. last years day fell on a Sunday, so otherwise I probly would have been thinking the same thing; it's just me.

we were in germany & the base went into total Lockdown. we even put up blackout curtains, like people did during WW 11. T called to tell me to turn on the tv & then said he didn't know when he'd be home, and I anticipated it could be several days before we'd see him again, which I was wrong about.
it was late late, but he did come home that same night. (we were 8 hrs behind the States).
everything changed so much from that point on. living where we did we Always had to be aware of the Threatcon, bc so often US bases were targets anyway, and it wasn't super uncommon for there to be a rumor of a threat to all the dependents of soldiers. ( & yes, while we were there, there was a small attack at a px in mannheim I think it was,but no one was seriously hurt.)
frecklette's school had heavily armed soldiers on the roof and playground and inside and all the public buildings were taped off w/ police tape so you couldn't park too close w/ a car bomb. ( did they do that back here?) and it was probably a week before we ventured outside to do more than run to the store to get milk & bread, and the first time we went to the playgound next door & the kids saw the fully armed humvee w/ the gunner in the turret cruise by the perimemeter of our place I pointed out that it was somebody's Daddy or big brother or uncle & they were just keeping us Extra safe. the kids took it in stride. all of Us were freaking out, but the kids were more or less used to this and seeing soldiers like that bc they were just People; daddy's & mommy's etc etc.
it's really remarkable how adaptable kids can be.

I think I will try, instead of dwelling on the darkness of the day, to instead do something really special for T & frecklette. make it a day to celebrate our wonderful strong familie.

after all - isn't living well Always the best revenge?

thanks for helping me put this in perspective.
mornington
freckle, no, I haven't met him yet... he doesn't live with his father. I guess it's just worrying me 'cos the kid is only eleven years younger than me. I should stop worrying for a bit though

As for the 9/11 thing... I can't give much input, obviously, but... kids are adaptable and I really do think the best thing is to carry on as normal as much as possible.

Ah, the cost of bras. $50 sounds about right... my father blew his top the first day my mum presented him with the bill for my three "proper" (ie underwired) bras. In the sale. tongue.gif . But they are damn important.

(((bustiemamas)))
freckleface2727
mornington,
I can kind of understand that 11 years isn't a huge gap between you & the boy.
at this stage of the game, several of my mr's youngest soldiers are and have wives that are a mere 6 years younger than my frecklette. every time I meet another one I have some serious psychological adjusting to do after words, bc it does very bad things to my mind.

and though I am going out on an limb of no expirence, it just seems smart to view any relationship that involves offspring, custodial or not, w/ a bit of a grain or bag of salt.
bc custody Can change, you know? at the very least there is bound to be some co-mingling on summer breaks and holidays.

I believe pretty much everyone else here knows much more than me about this stuff, so I'll just hush.
please know though, you are Totally welcome to stay & discuss or add anything you want smile.gif


frecklette <sigh> had a very BAD day at school on friday.
seems this time it was her Creative Dramatics class where they were doing sensory Exercises that involved holding & feeling things, and then passing them overhand and she, bc of her arm, coudln't do some of it, and the teacher didn't understand what she was trying to explain to her, and though her teacher was nice, it was still a bit of a scene. she came home & cried and called her friends and had very little to do w/ the mr & myself the whole afternoon & evening. really,aside from PE class, I NEVER thought to explain it to her other teachers. clearly I was sorely mistaken.
so, I'm making an appt w/ her Ped to get a Written Medical Explanation of her condition (to go & meet w/ them all), as well as a list of Medically-Recommended Substitutions for the things she cannot do, IF they won't just medically Excuse her from it from here out.
the mr ( who is a major work out fantatic as he is in the Army) finally conceded that as long as she commits to doing some sort of PT here at home, walking, riding her bike, the cross-training machine whatever, getting her out of gym might just be best for her. now that HE'S seen her cry.

I believe he has even finally seen my reasoning behind thinking of legal action.

hurrah hurrah, for a change he doesn't think I am over-reacting!!

and ps: the sportsbra's DO work great!
mornington
freckle, I'm only 20, so...he's a nine. blink.gif I don't get on with my stepmother, so I'm a little wary to start with. We're nowhere near serious though...

surely frecklette's heath problems should be on her file or something... but it's good her dad's starting to see things your way. I hope she has a better week this time round!
sybarite
Mornington, fwiw, my ex-stepmother was only nine years older than me. She's a bit of a role model for me in my relationship with the mister's daughter; she treated me with respect while clearly outlining the boundaries of our relationship, insisting (for example) she wasn't my mother as I wasn't in need of another one. She didn't use any false labels, just took us on board on a day to day level which was unambiguous and ultimately reassuring.

It also wasn't a stereotypical trophy second wife relationship between her and my dad. She was very much her own person, even if she was relatively young. She demanded respect from the start.
mornington
Cheers, syb. I know I'm probably worrying about nothing - after all, I've never met the kid, and won't for a long while. I guess it just boggles me though - there doesn't seem to be much of an age gap between me and G, but he was younger than me when his son was born... I don't want to ends up being a stepmother to him, and I doubt I ever will, though - at least not in a traditional sense. *wanders ot*

How's it going with the mister's daughter though?
sybarite
She's gone back to her mum's place so I won't see her for yonks. I think we left it all right. I am always torn because I know it's important that she feels at home staying with us; on the other hand our place is too small so we all end up on top of each other, which is annoying. In a way going on holiday is easier. Unfortunately, living somewhere else isn't yet an option, unfortunate because I think it's the only solution: she needs more space of her own.

Thanks for asking though; I went a little o/t there myself!

Also I think there are many many ways to have a relationship with your (potential) partner's children. I think the traditional 'stepmother' figure is problematic for all sorts of reasons, not the least the word 'mother' in there! But I digress--again. smile.gif
moxiegirl
blanche- my kidlet is very wee...but our BFF's are in just your shoes. The bio-mom is a train-wreck with only 1-weekly supervised visit, and the "step" mom is the MOM. Anyway, i am hitting up the PTA for moxette's "school" (daycare via public schools) next tuesday. How hard is it not to be the, um, instigator? I hate to admit, that despite being one myself, I have elitiest disdane for surburban moms...i think its the competitive streak...and the SUVs.
freckleface2727
QUOTE(moxiegirl @ Sep 14 2006, 09:04 AM) *

blanche- my kidlet is very wee...but our BFF's are in just your shoes. The bio-mom is a train-wreck with only 1-weekly supervised visit, and the "step" mom is the MOM. Anyway, i am hitting up the PTA for moxette's "school" (daycare via public schools) next tuesday. How hard is it not to be the, um, instigator? I hate to admit, that despite being one myself, I have elitiest disdane for surburban moms...i think its the competitive streak...and the SUVs.


I so Am the surburban Mom, but am really an imposter.

I don't drive an suv, I'm not remotely competitive with other parents and I'm unapologetically a name- only member of the pta.
the parents at frecklette's open house were so snooty, I told the mr to remind me to actually Dress Better for the next one- and this is a Public School! I do volunteer occassionally there though, I do the fun stuff or sometimes the boring stuff, and give what I can When I can on MY schedule, and have long given up getting chatty w/ any of the other moms bc apparently I'm just too different, which now that I've accepted and embraced that, feels right. sometimes I even actually skip going up the sidwalk there, just bc I know it freaks people out. today, much to frecklette's chagrin, I'm wearing my black chuck's and have to pick her up for a Dr appt. shock value alone at these times is priceless.

the best way to deal w/ crazies dear blanch, is just like w/ the trolls, simply don't feed them.
they can't spar w/ what's not sparring back. express genuine happiness at their child's success and then equal (or more) joy at your child's, and disengage.

26 or not, you're in the war now sister, so map out your strategy & memorize it to heart.

welcome Mama Blanch ( I will not address the step bc a Mama is a Mama and they come in all ways as long as there is love.) we are Very glad you are here ! smile.gif
freckleface2727
she clearly feels threatened by you blanch, which is really funny to me seeing as you said that both your kids are the same age; unless she has an older child too, and therefor feels she knows more than you due to that?

there are the talkers and then there are the doers.
ya don't gotta shine your own spotlite to get stuff done.

very high school, only w/out the cool music.

chuck-wearin' mama's Unite!


frecklette's Dr.'s appt:

she's def staying in Pe.
she had changed her mind & decided she could handle it (totally independently of any input from me & the mr) and the dr totally agreed, and then wrote out the medical explanation note for me and supported my plan of action for using it.

the dr also wants her to be seen by a Pediatric Orthopedist at Duke Hos and was putting in the referral for it. he asked us if any surgical options had been discussed and I told him yes, but that as we understood it was for much more extreme cases ( the bones are surgically broken and then seperated and held in place w/ pins til they grow freely of each other w/ cartilidge joining them) and it wasn't anything that we were interested in. ( as far as we know, her arm isn't anywhere near bad enough to warrant that.)
still, if he feels we ought to at least see what the specialist says, ok. (thank goodness for our insurance bc so far, they've been great about approving all her various dr's & treatments.)

he also then sent us over to a civilian hos to get x-rays on her arm so he could see better for himself, and seems interested in educating himself on her condition.

as for her pains in her heart, the same ones I've had for the last several years, monitor them as I do and if she has them again (they are very sporadic & it may be weeks or months) bring her in.

= whew!=

this mama business is Work!

on a liter side, my girl is growing up in some very important ways too:
she has a friend, once a very close, ( the daughter of the same (preacher) parents who got all weird on me last year) who is getting bossier and bossier and won't stop trying to get her to go to church & lectures her about it. well my girl has about had Enough and wrote her a letter about it and told her she needs to Back Off bc she's already made her views on church and religion totally clear to her and she doesn't appreciate being made to feel Bad about it just bc it's something Important to Her. just bc they're friends doesn't mean she gets to boss her around and if that's what she thinks then maybe they Shouldn't be friends anymore.

I am Sooo PROUD of my girl right now!
she's maturing.
it's alittle sad but mostly just such an amazing thing to witness.
she's always been on the passive side, content to cheer her friends on from the sidelines and follow a little behind but is getting more confident finally.

yah and yaaah!

ps: she & I (big GG fans) have an understanding for my Golden Years.
when I am 'of that age' I told her it was ok to put me in a Home, just as long as they feed & clean me.
the rest, ey, what will I care anyway? so from time to time, we now joke about it.

we pulled up to the x-ray place yesterday & what do we see but an activity van for Whispering Pines.
I nudged her and said " look! it's a Shady Pines field trip!" and we both cracked up biggrin.gif
moxiegirl
Frekle- HOLY COW! What a great mama day you have had! I would love to meet your little miss. She just sounds so great. Especially for a 12-year old. People are already asking me if I "miss" moxette being newborn. Um, nope. I mean, I remember it fondly, and she was cute and all. But, seeing her SEE things and KNOW things and start to COMMUNICATE is overwhelming in its awesomeness.

My hope, as she grows up, is that I can enjoy her for who she is at any given point, and not pine away for the past. That's reasonable, right?

Blanch- does this uber-mama know you're technically "step" mom? Maybe she's misguided about what it takes to be a real mother- time, effort and not just an egg/womb combo? My BFF had that issue with her older son at first, especially before she and the dad married (they lived together for 2 years). Kid didn't call her MOM until the wedding day...even through he told everyone she was his mom. Ok...sleepy digresssion over.
freckleface2727
moxie,

I don't want any more kids, but I do admit that I'd very much like to shrink frecklette to say, maybe age 3 or so, and re-grow her again, just as a replay exactly the same way.
I miss her littleness.
she was this uber cute curly haired shirley temple charmer but wasn't spoiled.

le sigh.

each stage offers it's own unique specialness, some stages you just have to look a little harder and with a more open minded vantage point to see.
the day before she got in HUGE trouble for her mouth, til I finally just revoked her ability to speak to me unless she was adressing me first as Maam and finishing it w/ yes Maam. ( I know that sounds totally harsh but she had been telling me to shut up- no kidding! like she forgot who she was talking to!) and so then she counters back with " Uh Mom? it's called FREEDOM OF SPEACH. Like as in the Constitution?"

yes
she
did
so!

I swear to you I was thinking that the child (had some really big cojones <hee!) had plum Lost Her MIND!
so I ever so gently (while internally cracking up) reminded her that our home was Not a Democracy and this was in reality Mama's House and that in the times that she chose to be so disrespectful to me ( & in turn also to her father as what you say to 1, you are saying to Both) it was MY RIGHT to limit her freedoms until the day she turned 18 and she can then Choose to be disrespectul Somewhere Else.

= whewee!==

then yesterday, she & I, in much better moods & circumstances, were discussing it, and I told her truthfully that while I admire her fire and fight, I was thinking she was either brave or suicidal to take that argument as a defense, considering that her daddy is a US Soldier and actively defends the Constitution for a living.
she just Grinned, totally proud of herself.

yup.

some stages, you gotta look mighty hard.

blanch, yes, I know about telling someone a lot and then wishing you hadn't.
can make you squirm a little, but you know, rise above her. she would be what my crazy ex bff would call
'a little person.' as in she has a little mind, and little aspirations and interests.
it does make it hard when there are kids involved but keept it light and friendly and don't acknowledge any anything, you know?

it's so sad that even as grownups (or passably disguised as one anyway) women still act this way.
pepper
"lice has been discovered at the school..." that's all i had to read. i got out the clippers, no guard. man, it's good that i have a boy. he is so bald right now. there will be NO head bugs in this house. ugh.
pepper
is it weird that i seem to be the ONLY one who is freaked out by the appearance of BEARS right next to our apartment building? hello, this is only two blocks away from the grade school and along the route that the kids takes to school, many of them on their own. i spoke with the principal today and she seemed incredibly nonchalant about it all while i am totally freaked out and have been on the phone all morning with the conservation office and local bear aware program. am i just that much of a city girl or what?
freckleface2727
BEARS ?!
like the kind that forrage through the forrest and eat things and hybernate in the winter?
bears belong in the woods, not in your schools!

as to the lice thing : short hair is always best when there is a threat.

also, boiling any linens and (clothing) things when you think they might have been exposed, altho, if they do get them, I'm pretty sure they still recommend just (burning) getting rid of all of that stuf bc they are nasty little buggers. when I was a teachers aid years ago we have some kids that chronically got them and it was an ugly cycle. RidX will work as a de-licer, and is available at the drug store.

ack. my head is itching just thinking about it! sad.gif
pepper
ha ha, burning is going a bit too far. hot laundering and lice shampoo works great. but he didn't have any, i was just making sure if any rode home with him i'd see them on his scalp. there's no where for them to hide now, he's got about an millimeter of hair.
the bears. well, we're on the edge of a small wooded area and really not too far from the mountain. they aren't that unusual here but still, the lacadasical attitude about them has me miffed. i mean, i'm scared! i sure won't be walking anywhere near those woods, nevermind the route straight through that i a lot of the kids take to and from school, yikes! very, very scary mama bear!
freckleface2727
I am actually ridiculously excited about Halloween this year, bc frecklette said last year was her last year for going trick-or-treating, and so I told her that from now on, we'd let her have a friend stay over and we'd dress up & pass out candy & watch scary movies all night.

all the years before now, the mr has been gone or working and so I've Always been the one to take her and as silly as it sounds, really look foward to seeing the kids in their costumes at the door.
I will also probably dress our poor harrassed golden retriever in his Darth Vader puppy costume and am actively encouraging the spider webs to gather on my front porch right now for authenticity.

freck's school will probably let the kids wear silly hats or something, but actual Parties are a no-go.
everything is so damned P C now. and yes, why NOT let all the kids wear costumes if you're going to let Some? at what age do these people decide kids are no longer Kids ?

pepper: bears & bugs? how goes either/or?
pepper
!!@#$@#!&%^(()*!!!

my babysitter bailed on me this afternoon.

i got home at 6:45, the daycare closes at 5:30. there was a message on my machine at 5:35 from the daycare saying, "we still have your child and we want to go home now." and then another one from a baffled neighbour saying that he had gotten a call and had my kidlet.
can i tell you, the heart attack! i had a total freak out.
she forgot. just plain forgot about him. i talked to her last night and left her a message today (that she got) and she just blanked it out. OMG, the absolute feeling of helpless terror. holy crap.
they call child services if you don't show up after a while.
ugh, still shaking. i might sleep in his bed with him tonight, i'm that weirded out.
freckleface2727
forgot ?

how do you "forget" a kid, esp a kid I'm assuming she's taken care of on a regular basis?

I'd be going nuts too! and probably scouting out other sitters too.
how awful.

was your kidlet ok? not freaked or scared or anything I hope.

yikes. childcare is Always so difficult.



(((((((((pepper & kid))))))))))
pepper
i know, i just don't get it. she picked him up from school four days last week, i talked to her the night before, left a message the day of and .... *poof* totally forgot all about him. she's really reliable too.
my little was just fine, he's kind of oblivious to that kind of thing, so long as there are toys he's a happy camper.
hells, childcare is such a giant crazy drag. i'm going to add every neighbour i have to that pick up list, that way they have a few more numbers to call in case something like this ever happens again.
i've been thinking about emergency contact numbers anyhow, like a phone tree for the building i live in. it's a parents co-op so we should have some kind of info for eachother for emergencies and such. this is just what i need to get on it.

*frazzled*
moxiegirl
Our godson (which is funny, b/c we're all atheists...but you get the hint), is also a very bright boy with a very active imagination. his 2nd grade teacher finally figured out he wasn't challenged enough in school, and kept up pace with him, sending extra work home (suggested activities) and putting him in higher levels of math and reading in school. Totally did the trick! You might see if the teacher can give him more challenging (read- interesting) work?
mornington
I'm with moxie - my brother was the same way, and I found first grade unchallenging to the point of tedium. although, he's six - he will learn. Is there any indication he's ahead of his age group in anything - reading, for example?
mandolyn
blanche, i would ask how much "free" time the kids have each day? then explain to little Deveraux that that's the time for him to "play". but work time is for work time. and even if he gets his assignments done ahead of time, he can read or color or whatever else the teacher deems appropriate for that time. it's a good lesson in responsibility and self-regulation. (k. i totally made up "self regulation", hoping you know what i mean, cuz i'm braindead today.)

too cute that he's so creative! a good teacher will recognize that that's a skill also, and will harness, guide and nuture it. again, though, there's a time and place.

my "bad mother award" from the past month includes telling my high schooler that it would be fine with me to slack off in french class, if he wanted to. the french teacher knew - by the 4th class - that he was ahead of everyone, and asked him if he wanted to fast-foward a year (and a credit - we're doing credits now!) to french 2. she left it up to him. i left it up to him. (see above.) he chose to accelerate.

i couldn't be prouder.

except, i think this will mean he'll probably be eligible for a trip abroad during senior year. which is probably what is motivating him. believe me, this kid is a-yearning. ack.

freckle, how ya doing? thinking about you non-stop, chickie.
pollystyrene
QUOTE(mandolyn @ Oct 5 2006, 12:34 PM) *
...a good teacher will recognize that that's a skill also, and will harness, guide and nuture it.


*delurks*

You hope so- I had an evil, evil kindergarten teacher who seemingly tried to squash every bit of natural creativity out of me (and the other students, she was just more successful with them)- everyone's art projects had assigned colors, so everyone's looked identical (I know there's value in making kids follow directions, but you don't apply that to artwork, you just don't); none of my daily work got hung up because I went a little out of the lines, only the major projects did get hung up, and I'm sure it was only because everyone else's was hung up. It was a terrible way to start my school career, and I think it was the foundation for all my self-doubt. Around the time I was in jr. high, she got fired for talking about her political beliefs to some older kids and for digging her talon-like nails into a kid's head when he wasn't behaving. Ha!

Good luck with yours, blanche- I was a daydreamer in school, too and I think it was caused by a combination of being under-challenged and depressed. It's probably a little early for a depression diagnosis, but I think I got depressed, ovewhelmed and went into like this shut-down mode and all 13 years of school were just hell for me.
freckleface2727
blanche I'm going to pull w/ the good teacher theory, and hope with you that she is one.
that she bothered to notify you at all bodes positivley to me, bc so often the teachers are just too overwhelmed to notice anything that's not a major disciplinary problem. seems she is on the ball and actually Cares.
I'd talk to her and see what all of you together brainstorming can't come up with, even like maybe giving him a wee "study buddy", a quieter or more focused buddy to help him stay on task?
my frecklette got an abominal 9 weeks progress report bc she's been Doing her homework ( I witness it every night) but just not turning it in.
grrr. she says she just doesn't think about it at the time and seeing the other kids around her turning Theirs in doesn't register either. I Think she's discovered boys & Friends and is distracted by it. and she's still prolifically writing her stories and now poetry too, and how do you stop a kid from That?? not like you can take away paper and pencil sad.gif


Ohhlala Danny!!!!!!!! I remember a field trip in 1st yr (my only as it turns out) French to the Art Institute in Chic to look at french impressionist paintings. we stopped and got crossaints & cafe' for the ride into town.
it took me another 15 or so years to get to Paris itself, but let him gooo Mandi if he gets the chance.
by his Sr Yr he'll be (close your eyes) MUCH Older. he's such a fantastically amazing & good kid. (who I (really want to betroth to my frecklette. seriously. I Do.)

polly:
I had an uber sucky 'garten teacher too.
she used to spank my friend scotty Every Damn Day (scotty was special needs but high functioning; this was before the days (1975) of seperate classes for that level) for climbing up on the desks. scotty was My Friend and it pissed me off bc it wasn't fair. so finally one day I'd had enough and spoke out to her against it (she'd also already had my older bro & sis & my mom worked at the school as a lunch lady so we were a well-known-family there) & I got sent to the Principal's Office.
at the ~Tender Age of =5=~ raging against the machine.
she eventually moved up to teaching hs and was much much better. some people should just stay away from small kids. and dogs. (she always reminded me of vampira. dark hair, super skinny, freaky long blood red nails, and creepy.)

(when I look back now, I Did know everything I needed to know in Kindergarten. that book (which I've never actually read) was Right! social work is where I am headed. wow. crazi realisation.)



pepper: so did you Talk to the sitter?
I love your phone tree idea, esp if you said your building is a parents co op? I don't understand what you mean by that exactly?
I'm really glad your boy is ok and wasn't scared.

(((((((pepper & boy child)))))))

it does get better, and then it gets worse again, and Then it gets better once more , chin up! smile.gif
pollystyrene
Did we have the same teacher, freckle? rolleyes.gif There was a kid who was in my kindergarten class (who was a classmate of mine all the way through elementary, jr. high, high school and he even went to the same college I did my first year- he wanted to marry me in 3rd grade smile.gif ) and I think he had a little speech impediment, and there was a girl in the class named "Brianne" and he pronounced her name like "Brain" one time and she blew up at him. I remember sitting there, thinking, "I think he just can't say the name, he wasn't trying to be mean." My teacher was scary, too- she was somewhat older, I'm guessing but she had this dyed black hair, in these weird curls, like a psycho Scarlett O'Hara, her face was kinda shiny, like she out vaseline on it and she always wore bright fuschia colored lip stick, that, I swear, she would intentionally put on her teeth so she could stand there and lick her teeth while she talked to you. She wore really tight outfits, always in bright pink and black combinations. I don't remember her in any other color. She had those long, scary nails. She reminds me of like, a fading starlet, like Norma Desmond.

My grandma was a kindergarten teacher, and I think she was really shocked by this woman- when I told her there was no piano in the room and we didn't sing, she was just aghast. This psycho would play a record of Disney's Cinderella soundtrack EVERY day while we sat with our heads down- to this day, I feel the urge to kill, kill, kill if I hear any music from Cinderella.
mornington
I got sent to the principles office for daring to ask for *gasp* left-handed scissors. I also got in trouble for reading too fast. Apparently you're not supposed to learn to read until you're six and five-year-olds don't pull those kind of tricks. Although the best was the teacher who made you go ask to be excuse to go blow your nose. And put your hand up before you sneezed. She got fired for slapping a kid.

mando mando let him gooooo. I'm with freckle. danny's a good, mature kid already. And paris is seriously excellent. and travel broadens the mind.
freckleface2727
so many of us here now had horrible scarring experiences w/ female kindergarten teachers...

leads me to deduce that mayhaps That causes Feminism?! j/k !

if only it were that simple, but really, "that woman" was at least for me, the first non-blood-related Female Authority Figure in my life, and I didn't like the control she had over me or others, and so I sought to define my own authority by challenging her; as did you morning, and you too polly.

probly I'm just talkin' smack here bc of my current state of muddled mind, but it Does kinda make ya think ! wink.gif
pepper
i LOATHED school. really, really hated it, right up through highschool.
i read faster and better than the other kids 'cause my hippie parents didn't give me any television, and i was against the man 'cause of my hippie parents and i dressed funny 'cause of my hippie parents. i was SO tormented by the other kids and so bored in class. and i had so many icky teachers too.

that homogenizing of the children's art is exactly what they do in Waldorf school. no reading until children are seven either. waldorf grade advancement is based on when their teeth come in too. so weird.
mandolyn
blanche, yay for pep talks and good days! sounds like he really is a smartie, and "gets it". good to hear teach is a good one, too.

i was a serial daydreamer. i honestly don't know how i passed any of my math/science classes.

and i hated school too. but more because of classmates-from-HELL, not so much the teachers. despite some pretty fiercesome hair-pullers (this was back in the day, pre-lawsuit-frenzy america, mind you.)
luckily i was blessed with more than a few good teachers, though, who made up for all the bad 'uns.

freckle, i suspect danny's falling-out with english teacher at the end of last year was based on his forgetting to hand in assignments also. i chose to believe him and went to bat for him. but he knows full well, if i see a hint of that happening again, it's punishment time, plain and simple. "legitamate" B's and C's are one thing. but getting poor grades for forgetfulness and sloppiness, i have zero tolerance for. i'm sure many of you will disagree with me. what can i say, this one issues pushes my harpy button.

um, wait, about the "abroad" issue .... who the hell said anything about PARIS?! i was thinking more like ... MONTREAL or TORONTO!
IPB Image

mouse
QUOTE(pepper @ Oct 5 2006, 07:44 PM) *

that homogenizing of the children's art is exactly what they do in Waldorf school. no reading until children are seven either. waldorf grade advancement is based on when their teeth come in too. so weird.


*delurking*
um.....hi guys! not a mom but i lurk. anyway......i went to a waldorf school and i LOVED it, and my mother teaches at a waldorf school for children with mental disabilities. i grew up totally involved in that community. i went up until 8th grade; i don't think they're that great for older kids. but for younger, imaginative kids they are fantastic. i have to say.....it's not homogenizing at all. it's teaching a therapeutic technique, and it's the reason that, now, as a designer decades later, i know the color wheel without even thinking about it. it's not a limiting thing at all, and individualism is greatly encouraged. grade advancement is based on age, not teeth, but a lot of rudolph steiner's and anthroposophy's theories can sound whacko......but if you actually pay attention to them, they do make a lot of sense. it's the same sort of philosophy as macrobiotic farming--the belief that yes, everything in the universe is connected and so are we.

i'm not attacking, but i wanted to put my point of view in here, since waldorf school was probably the best thing i could possibly have done at that age.
pepper
definately better than regular school mouse, i even considered it for my wee imaginative youngster but... there is a very strong waldorf presence in the community here so i'm more than passingly familiar with the philosophy and it just doesn't all jive with me.
definately better than regular school though. no doubt.

i just found out that the french immersion program has a kindergarten, woot! i thought they didn't start classes until grade four or five but they're doing the whole grade spectrum, i am so excited! my little pierre is going to learn the mother tongue!

(that's not his actually name.)
mouse
yeah....there are things which could be improved upon--ie, i don't think that computers and television should be as prevalent in little kids' lives as they are today, but i don't think they should be banned outright either. i think, though (at least with what i've seen going on in my mom's school) that the anthroposophical community is largely "catching up" with the outside world lately. which is great, the flexibility and knowledge that the world changes and you don't always have to do things the same way. the basic philosophy is the same, but they are adapting it.

and yeah, the reading--i mean, i do think that for certain children it can be really helpful to learn that way, very slowly and steadily and with a lot of rhyming and talking and practice first. but i taught myself to read at around 4, and wasn't really allowed to make use of that in school until i was much older.

however, i love the fact that they integrate art into everything, i love the way everything is taught WHOLLY--you clap out your times tables or do stepping games instead of just sitting at a desk with a book full of numbers. and i love that they teach so much in depth history and geography and culture--no public school teaches the entire greek and roman myths in fifth grade, put on a scaled-down olympic games, and then put on a real greek tragedy. and i could draw every continent by memory by seventh grade, did shakespeare at age 13 (a full production of comedy of errors, fully memorized, choregoraphed, painted scenery, sang and played shakespearean instruments), studied french and german from kindergarten on, played cello from fourth grade on, was in an orchestra, sang in a choir, sewed my own eighth grade graduation dress, wrote and illustrated my own textbooks, built a miniature model of a japanese paper house in third grade, learned how to milk a cow, knit a pair of socks, crochet, embroider, felt, carve wood, in addition to being able to skip up to algebra 2, geometry and honors science when i got to public school....
pepper
he brought home an apple with toothpicks of fruit loops and mini multi coloured marshmallows as a "turkey" last week. and the latest general flier in his back pack had the hot lunch menu of hotdogs, pizza and submarine sandwiches outlined for 10 of the twenty school days in october.
i HATE public school.
freckleface2727
gah, I am too old to understand all this hullabaloo about kindergarten differences.
where I lived, it was public or private and not much of a difference between the 2.
- that was my way of saying I have ziltch to add to your discussion and I'm sorry sad.gif


progress for frecklette.
she is failing math.
Of Course she is Failing Math. my poor girl. she tries and tries and understands when it's explained but promptly forget it right after. note from her teacher requesting a conference. called her and she's going to modify her tests & homework & move her up front for better eye contact, and gave me a website for practice & then told me there's a math tutoring class at school on monday's, but I have a friend who is a math Genius that I've worked out a bartering system with, tutoring in exchange for babysitting. (only 1 wee girl who I consider my niece anyway) let's hope for the best bc she does really try.

got the referral and appointment for her to be seen by a Pediatric Orthopedic Surgeon up at Duke Hospital.
her reg ped wants her arm to be looked at by a specialist on the off chance they can do something with it; something besides the surgical option I hope. that is just way-too-extreme and none of us think her condition is bad enough to warrant it. (surgically seperating the bones and re-setting them w/ pins as they re-grow seperately w/ cartilidge, the way they are supposed to) if the mr cannot get off work that day (03 nov) then we re-schedule, bc no Way am I driving up there alone. it's too important that he be a part of this for a change.

and aside from that, I am searching for vintage scary halloween movies to watch, Night of the Living Dead, the Twilight Zone Monster on the Wing- and maybe the Blob, but all the original black & white versions.
frecklette is going to think they are lame but those movies are Classics smile.gif
freckleface2727
QUOTE(blanchedeveraux @ Oct 10 2006, 06:15 PM) *

Is frecklette too young for the ReAnimator?

There is an old scary movie that is kind of a running joke in my family, "The Crawling Eye." It's not exactly a classic, but fantastic all the same.


what is the ReAnimator? the math program her teacher gave us is www.aaamath.com and has all levels of work. frecklette did 30 minutes on there last night already til we can get the tutoring set up and will probably continue on the days in between.

that movie sounds great! but then, I am the ~Queen of Cheese~ around our house anyway. tongue.gif
the other movie I am going to look for is Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
I don't think me & my sister & brother literally slept for Days after we saw it.

hee! I don't do chainsaw blood N guts scary, but cheesey- I- Am- There. biggrin.gif
freckleface2727
that spy program I installed on the 'puter for the mr made it do Bad Things, like eat the long reply post I composed about the scary movies and everything else.
= frustration!= mad.gif so here we go, shorter form, best I can recall...


that movie looks great! how did I miss it in the '80's tho? I Love cheesey campy horror movies, ( Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is another classic smile.gif ) but have had no luck finding any of the flicks locally, only online, which I really don't want to do, so who knows. we're upgrading our cable and maybe we'll get lucky & some will be on anyway?

stupidly I volunteered to take freck and her bff (same girl I write about in Letters) if she can go, trick or treating on the base bc they do theirs on a seperate night.
-- I was finally FREE of having to go out w/ it, and then go shoot myself in my own dern foot.
so, I will be punking them out and walking through our old housing neighborhood, where when freck was wee small, she partly grew up.
and then on whatever other night here in town, we will dress up again and hand out candy too.
freck said she can't wait to give candy to all the cute little kids at the door. what a girl I have smile.gif

and now, sinse we're talking about Stupid - Things, this weekend frecklette and I are going to Busch Gardens Williamsburg on a unit (the mr's job) sponsored Teen trip. yes Mandi- we're FINALLY going, but not as a family bc he has to work and wouldn't go even if They paid him. ( much smarter than I sometimes he is, lol)
sinse we don't know anyone yet, I won't let her go alone and she wants to go badly enough that she's ok w/ me chaperoning. we're leaving early sat, driving up, playing at the park all day, and then spending the night at the closest military base in an Airplane Hanger. - how cool is that? ( cool and undoubtedly LOUD)and then coming back on sunday.
the park is all decked out for Halloween w/ lots of creepy scary stuff and I'm sure it's going to be a great time. all the same, I bought snacks for the kids so hopefully they will like me and not turn against me, causing me to wreck the van bc yup, I may be driving (something I don't much like anyway) one in our caravan. pray for me. hard. please. for the weather and my driving. this could be a potentially awful awful combination.

what are all the wee and not so wee ones going to be for Halloween this year?
and also, what do you think the age cut off for going trick or treating should be?
mandolyn
i would imagine busch gardens in halloween-mode would be much better than in the heat of july, freckle. i bet you guys love it. let me know if you actually go on any of those scaryass rollercoasters ... i barely made it thru the carousel .... because i am old and boring now.

danny didn't dress up last year, but he did go to grandma's and hand out candy. (she gets HOARDES of kids on her street!) so i guess his official trick-or-treat cut-off age was 12. his last three years, he dressed as either a hippie or ozzy. he got off on wearing the wig. (he's growing his hair long now. oy.)

we're hoping to hit up the greenwich village parade this year. he's a little leary of the naked men. naked women, he has no problems with however. *severe rolling of eyes*
freckleface2727
blanche,
ok so I've been thinking on this sinse I read it yesterday, and what I'm thinking is... why Not give him what he says he wants? box up & take away Everything not star-wars related and store it away, and any down-time/free time (including at school w/ cooperation from his teacher ideally) he is ONLY allowed to do star-wars related activities. the video game, action figures, books, whatever.
while I anticipate it being really trying on your nerves, maybe over-kill or over-saturation would be the best way to deal with it. kinda like a cognizant Ground Hog Day movie over and over.

I really feel for you, bc this is such a tough situation.
freckleface2727
thankyou blanche,
but please don't be suprised if you try & it fails.

I am the same mama that when freck was 2 and she bit me, I bit her right back. (not hard mind you, just enough so to get the message across). I cannot tell you how utterly horrified other mama's have been when I have told them after they've asked me about biting.

(it did work tho wink.gif )


yah for Mr Deveraux !!
he sounds like an incredibly patient man.
sometimes with parenting, honestly, you wing it and hope to heck you get lucky bc you never really know what's around the bend to stymie you next.


on a sad note: freckette's cooler than cool female math teacher Quit this week.
no one knows why but I am going to call the school.
she was our Great White Hope (tho I don't really know what that means) for it being a breakthrough year for her. dang dang dang.
moxiegirl
*delurks*- at 2 years old, i think re-biting might be just the answer. Espeically for an over-biter (shit, sorry, lots of bad puns around the Lounge today...).

Ok, ours is way wee, but other parents who don't put limits on their kids food, tv, sugar, sleep, whatever already bug the bejebus out of me. We are WAY schedule oriented with moxette- she thrives on it, and so do moxieman and i. Not that we aren't flexible- if she's happy and playing well, go ahead and stay up longer, sweetiepie- but the routine is always the same- dinner, short nap or play, long playtime, book, bath, bottle, bed. All between about 5 and 9 pm. WHen i tell this to some other moms at the daycare, i get looks like i'm some alien or something..."what, you mean she just goes to sleep when you want her to?" or "you don't feel like you need to play, play, play with her when she wakes up at night"? Um, NO. Kids need structure. I'm a HUGE, firm believer in that. Our BFFs, who have the 10 year old and 9 month old, have a strict "screen time" policy, and their older one really thrives because of it.

Frek-any word on the math teacher? What about freklette's bff?
pepper
wtf, Play with him when he woke up at night? omg. only if i Wanted to be a complete basket-case the next day instead of just half a basket-case. what the hell, teach them that the midnight is happy-happy play time, how the heck will you Ever get them to sleep through the night? gah, parents are actually doing this? i'm tired just thinking about it.
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