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mandolyn
blanche, i'm afraid i have nothing to offer other than to ride it out. i have a little addict too, and whereas i do impost limits, i do probably overindulge too. (so so hard for me not to let him have what his heart desires.) he gets bored eventually. or, well, actually, he just goes on to his next computer/video game addiction. tongue.gif

is it really OCD though? it sounds to me like a pretty typical kid thing. also, legos are really cool and creative. at least he's not addicted to a violent vicious game like madden. (actually, even tho i now LOATHE AND DESPISE the sound of john madden's voice, my kid is now an EXPERT on all things pro football and knows more than his football-addict uncles. i'm actually quite proud of him at this point.)

glad to hear your mr has a handle on it. diversion sounds like the key.

poor frecklette. hopefully the replacement teach will also be a winner.
pepper
oh man, i've been on a felt stuffy making spree and i swear it now, i am gonna replace alla the plastic crap he owns with a hand-made felt one, oh yes i AM!! check my pics in ab-fad in the crafty thread. i am LOVING the felt, loving it i say!

ok, well the time off from work doesn't hurt either. wish i could homeschool, we'd do arts and crafts and eat healthy stuff all day, nary a cupcake to be seen....

eta little has finally started drawing recognizable people. trouble is, they are a bit TOO recognizable. he draws everyone naked and then colours in their clothes, the dog included. imagine my surprise when i pointed to this and that saying "what's this?...what's that?" and got the answer "well, what do you think? it's his penis!"
*dies laughing*
freckleface2727
smoke in his room?
that bugs me infinite amounts more than the teeth rot.
how hard it's got to be for you to let him go there,, does the mr have any input on the smoking around him concern? maybe you could buy her a Clean Air Machine for x-mas but leave it on her door anyonymously ?wink.gif

pepper:
that is THE' FUNNIEST THING I think I've ever read online here at Bust, and considering the goofy wacko's we have here.... biggrin.gif out of the mouth of babe's ! love it love it love it.

the Teen Trip to Busch Gardens was a wild wild & fun-filled Success !!
these kids (5 girls/7 boys/2 moms/1 dad/2 soldiers)who didn't know each other before meeting for the first time at 6:30Am Sat, totally jelled and almost instantly became like brother and sister to each other and to us our kids-only-better. they were polite & respectful & considerate of one another, while at the same time teasing and playing and being sillier than I knew kids could be sometimes.
it was a Blast! Mandi- so right.
not as many rides there as you'd think and a LOT of walkingwalkingwalking. I had the self-named "Scardy Cat" group, kids that didn't ride 'coasters, and so we were limited to really just a few but I let them lead and do whatever and buy whatever and I had as much fun if not more than they did. smile.gif frecklette was NOT in my group as she decided she wanted to be adventerous and ride the big stuff this time, and did, and went thru the haunted house even, and when I saw her once, was absolutely Blissed OUT and having the time of her life. y'all don't even Know how crazy proud I am of her. bc she was so shy at the start that I Made her go into the van where the other girls were so she could make friends and she was pissy at me for it.
ha. Mama really Does know best!

and then that night, we drove out onto an actual airfield, hazzard lights flashing and all, and to the hanger, and the kids, as I had promised, had a knockdown no mercy pillow fight til finally around 2Am we had to say enough bc we were up again at 8:00 to head home. to which the group planner woke the kids up w/ a megaphone and loud '80's rock, inciting pleas for mercy to turn it off. laugh.gif

all in all it was like a super hyped up summer-camp experience for All of us and I would'nt hesitate to take these kids anywhere in the world again. we are talking about sledding / skiing & ice hockey games& maybe a Big Trip to Dc at some point too. these-kids- ROCK.

that said, I am still so physically exhausted 2 days later that I am probably going to take a nap shortly.

.. 'night! smile.gif
pepper
smoking in his room. how can that not be child abuse? wtf, go outside already you utterly pathetic excuse for a parent. ugh. smoking in his room. grrr.


we had a catastrophe this weekend. the mister's dog bit little's face while we were out of the room. i have NO idea what he was doing that provoked an otherwise fairly docile dog to lay teeth into him but frankly, i do not care. there is a very small puncture wound (yes, i held him on my lap and cried a river of regretful guilty tears when i first saw that) and teeth scrapes across his nose, cheek and (*!!!*) eyelid, one right next to the upper lashes.
needless to say, we aren't going over there again. i don't care if he was pulling that dogs ears right off, barking is acceptable, biting is NOT.
pollystyrene
I had a friend at my old job whose step-daughter's mom was like that- she'd smoke and drink (both pretty heavily) when the daughter went to visit her (they were in Chicago and the mom was in CA, so she'd visit her for like 2-4 weeks at a time). It bothered the daughter, who was about 10, and they had to re-negotiate it into the custody agreement, that the mother wasn't allowed to drink at all and had to smoke outside during the time she was there. Is something like that an option?
freckleface2727
QUOTE(pollystyrene @ Oct 25 2006, 01:24 AM) *

I had a friend at my old job whose step-daughter's mom was like that- she'd smoke and drink (both pretty heavily) when the daughter went to visit her (they were in Chicago and the mom was in CA, so she'd visit her for like 2-4 weeks at a time). It bothered the daughter, who was about 10, and they had to re-negotiate it into the custody agreement, that the mother wasn't allowed to drink at all and had to smoke outside during the time she was there. Is something like that an option?


see, That's what i'm talking about. simple common sense negotiations like that, in the genuine best interest of the child. I really hope maybe something like that can be worked out for you blanche. as much as I hateyhatehate smoke you cannot escape from, I hope it is soon too!


pepper: holy schnapp! that is scary!
however, I tend to take the side of the animal in cases like this, bc they cannot speak to defend their actions; altho I don't at all know the history or temperment of the dog in question of the age of your little . either way, staying away awhile is probably best.

I am sooo sorry the bite came so crazily close to his eye. yikes. no stitches I hope? having been bit (in a case w/ no provication) before is awful, no matter what your age. I hope though, that you won't let your little become scared of dogs Period from this point on, bc they are ususally such wonderful loving friends. (says the woman who has been tripping and yelling at my 70 lb "shadow" all morning long smile.gif )


2 tall treeee's are down at our house as of a little while ago!
2 tree's that desperately needed to go as they were endangering both our house & the neighbors and our front porch as well. frecklette was sad to see them go, so we told them goodbye & thanked them for the gifts they've given us and the house over the years.
pepper
we've talked him blue in the face, he's still too little and dopey to really get it. not so young that growling and a bark wouldn't have made him back right off though and that's my point. my mom's dog was totally docile, you could take food Out of Her Mouth and she wouldn't flinch. that's the kind of dog we're gonna have to have or no dog at all. certainly not a great dane lab cross, huge and too lazy to bark when he's pissy.
and no, little is not afraid of him. funny because he got knocked over by a few frisky pups when he was really little and was freaky about them for a couple of years but now he LOVES dogs. he's a fan of all creatures though so...
no stitches or real damage, just scrapes and one small puncture. enough, more than enough for me!

freckle, that's nice what you did about the tree. very nice.

good luck blanche. we're all pulling for you here.
freckleface2727
pepper,
sometimes if the child and dog are face to face in height, it can bring out the alpha-dog in them and cause them to be agressive; might that have been the case?
I had Lucky (my golden retriever) at petsmart tues and he is like a Puppy Rock Star there (seriously) bc everyone wants to pet and love on him; including a small 3 yr old girl we encountered. he hasn't been around kids that small before and I wasn't sure how he'd do. he was uber gentle tho, like he knew she was smaller, and so very docily let her practically hang from his neck (w/ me Right There) as she hugged him.
I was a very Proud puppy mama smile.gif but the point is, if you mom's dog is normally so good, maybe that might have been the reason.
just trying to think of what might have happened, don't mean to be so judgey judgey or anything.
I am just So glad that it wasn't worse. scary stuff all around, reasoning or no.

my in-laws are arriving today.. think it's too late to train my dog to Attack? sad.gif

freck & I are Insane to go to the season kickoff of the local ice hockey team tom night, but I betcha we don't bc of Them.
pepper
no, no, i mean my mom's dog would never, ever get agro for any reason but the mister's dog did. he's usually very tolerant and gentle but we weren't in the room at the time so mehbee there was some alpha dog ness going on with the wee man. they are equal in head height because the dog is so huge.
ah, who knows. i just don't trust him now though.

i missed an assembly at school today, the kids recited a poem and sang a song and i wish i could have gone but i'm babysitting my neighbours sick little girl all morning. oh well. i love how they gave us the heads up Yesterday, wtf. why does the school do that? are we all supposed to be stay at home mom's able to drop by the school mid day at a moment's notice? flipping inconsiderate is what that is.
pepper
blanche, last time the teacher freaked me out by requesting a conference it was because my little and two other boys were more interested in talking and goofing off with each other than sitting quietly and paying attention in class. well Duh, they are boys after all, and FIVE, hello.
i couldn't believe she panicked me over that, what exactly did she think i would be able to do about it? i'm not There, how am i supposed to make him pay attention, and isn't that kinda her job? she decided to separate them (my, isn't she brilliant) since they were all seated close to each other.
what i'm saying is don't panic. i was in tears when i got that call, over Nothing it turned out.
moxiegirl
SO, what are some conversations to have? Right now, moxette is pretty wee...so we talk about her new fascination with toast.
mornington
toast is great! sounds like a perfectly sensible thing to talk about if you ask me /student tongue.gif
freckleface2727
I love toast and ate it for supper laste night.

Toast Rules!!!!!! tongue.gif


last night was a bust.

I had the pumpkins carved and lit, and little character lanters ( a witch, kitty, ghost & 2 pumkins) strung all along the porch rails, frecklette & I sat out in the chairs w/ a big bowl of candy and in the end ?
only got about 20 trick or treaters, and of that only maybe 1/2 were little kids, the other 1/2 were teens not even in costumes. it was a huge disappointment and letdown completely.
all the years where we took frecklette out for candy, I felt we Should give back now that we have a bonafide house and she's older.
huh.
stupid neighbors. if more on our street had lights on, I really think we'd have gotten more kids.
- anyone up for about 3 lbs of Twizzler licorice?

how was the parade Mando? I think I saw footage of it on the news and thought " Hey! Mandi is there!!!!!!"
did you guys dress up for it too? how FUN it looked!

how was everyone eles's night? lots of hyper-inducing sugar highs and fun?

frecklette's big appointment w/ the specialist at Duke is friday afternoon.. have gathered ALL the info on her condition I can put my hands on to "educate" the dr as I'm sure he won't have heard of it before.
am really not sure what her Ped hopes to achieve by her being seen but hey- he's the dr so he knows best right? will let y'all know tho I don't think it'll be any big deal.

Saturday is a meeting of the mr's unit's Teen Group to plan their Xmas party. frecklette is WAY excited bc hopefully most of the kids from the weekend trip will be there and they were such terrific kids it ought to be really good.

updates on everyone and everything please and uh, more Toast for all! biggrin.gif
mandolyn
think about it. the first screensavers were of flying TOASTers! laugh.gif

unfortunately the stars didn't mesh properly for us to make it to the parade last night, freckle. and since we're having a new roof put on and all is quite the mess (and because i'm a lameass and october frickin kicked my butt, hectic-wise) i didn't even put the decorations up. but danny felt bad last minute and ran and got some candy, and i tidied a little and found a punkin votive and our squeaky rubber rat ... and then wound up with all of SIX trick-or-treaters. our block is totally lame, even tho there are little ones. maybe they all go to the mall because the parents are so afraid nowadays?

so then we went to help out my mom, who has a GREAT block and gets HOARDES of kids. she went thru 100 baggies in less than 20 minutes, and then we tried to stretch out the individual candies ... but wound up shutting down ops at 7:10. i love that danny loves handing out the treats to the little ones. he and i try to compliment each and every costume.

my favorite kid was the hyperactive little monster who ran up the outside of mom's concrete steps and tried to take a flying leap for her punkin flag before dad - luckily! - grabbed him. i said, "ok. he's cut off, no more sugar for him!"

there was also a very large sylvester. gotta love the people who invest like that.

alas, it would've been a great night for the city ... it was a gorgeous 60 degrees!

moxie, was moxette in costume? i'd so love to see pictures!

please let us know how you guys make out on friday, freckle!
pepper
ok, little hasn't had ONE single piece of halloween candy. the bag is hanging right out in the open on the closet door knob, he passes it every day at least a dozen times and has only asked me for some twice, both times before dinner so i said no. that's it.
not ONE piece. except for the two i took out and shared with him on the night of, hee hee.
i'm gonna throw it out. i'll save a couple of pieces that aren't too heinously bad for him and toss the rest. he won't even notice, he hasn't so much as sorted it!
freckleface2727
wow pepper, um, are you sure your little is even totally human?

I mean, the kid Does realise it's CANDY and not a special kind of vitamins or something?
(not a bad idea actually... wish I had thought to tell that to my freck in way years past,, damn.)

just kidding of course, you are a better mom in that you don't let your little have much stuff like that, and so they don't go all crazy bc they already understand moderation. my hat is trully off to you! smile.gif

but just please tell me at least that you & the mr plan to totally secretly horde the rest of the loot and eat it on the fly?


frecklette's appt at Duke w/ the Pediatric Orthopedist was good.
nothing earth shaking, and she ( LOVE that it Was a She, and one of the best in her field in the country at that- Thanks Tricare!) explained that the surgery option Was open to us to explore,but that of those she knew who had done it, none were happy with the results and in worst case, the bones re-grew in the original shape of fused regardless over time again. but we had no intention of persuing that anyway, it was still interesting to learn the facts. then as far as what freck can and cannot do, she was Totally positive about finding her own ways of doing things (she pointedly avoided using the word limitations) and really talked to her about self-esteem and educating people in a way that wasn't a big deal.
she was very, Very cool, and said that if say freck did ever tho break that arm or anything, it might be best to have it re-set by them there and that if freck thought her Occ Therapy was helping, then by all means to keep at it, but otherwise she was free and clear. and that they at Duke would always be here if we needed another consult too. very nice, intelligent, did most of the talking TO & With frecklette.

and now frecklette has a new girlfriend sleeping over & they have obscounded the tv downstairs to watch Disney, and I am trapped upstairs trying to be invisible.
the ~teen years~ !!
pepper
he is WAY more interested in tv than in candy i'm afraid. oh well, it doesn't cost at the dentist but it rots his brain instead of his teeth.
he is actually badgering me for a movie right now and has been for the last twenty minutes at least. Non-Stop too. he's just running around the house saying 'give me a moooovviie, right nowwww, i really neeeedd oooonnneee, nothing can make me stop buuugggiiinnnnggg yyyyyooouuuuu, i want one Now!' what a pain. he's not getting one though, not after this little performance. i never give in, that's my secret.

i threw out two thirds of the candy. any and everything that had suspicious looking (ie hydrogenated) ingredients. there is absolutely no safe level of hydrogenated oils and they NEVER leave the body so... i'd rather he go without candy than condemn him to certain heart problems later on. i'm really strict about that one.

i did eat a little chocolate though. i confess.

ugh, the teen years. something to look forward to dry.gif
laurenann
sorry to barge in to the thread, but i have one quick question.

what kinds of things do 9-11 year old girls like these days?

i mentioned barbie and disney movies and got horrified looks.

i was just thinking about that and thought maybe some mamma's could give me some insight smile.gif.
moxiegirl
My 8 and 11 year old cousins LOVE Hillary Duff...maybe a cd? They are also becomming clothes horses. And board games.

pepper
my cousin is in that age group and i was thinking of getting her a beading kit, something interesting but not too difficult to use on her own. i like the gifts that inspire creativity myself.
freckleface2727
laurenann,
a subscription to a mag called New Moon (.org I think) would be great; it's a mag for girls By girls and it's like a non-hostile fem mag that doesn't bash boys and really encourages finding and using their own voices in positive ways. if barbie got that kinda look, it may be just the ticket.
however, if you want to go more commercial and accessible (toysrus carries it), there's an electronic game called Dream Life that plugs into your tv set and lets you do chores/go to school, to earn money to buy things. (not the best explanation) my frecklette (12) asked for it for Xmas last year and still plays it often a year later.
other than that, there are some cool step by step learn to knit kits you can get from Target, or some paint your own pottery stuff too; just depends on what kind of girl she is.

hope this helps smile.gif
laurenann
thanks all smile.gif 'tweens are such a big market, and those are good ideas!

inthepinkheifer
hello all

got back from vacation it was good. kid did well w/band. they finished the season w/a 2nd and best genarel effect in their division. got to see my bother in abq. also. we all went out had good food, good beer and my brother got himself a new girl. great week
freckleface2727
that is wonderful news inthepinkheifer,
and a special congrats to your kid for such a great job w/ band. smile.gif
freckleface2727
I am the worst mother in the whole entire world.

I went to frecklette's parent/teacher conference, and left w/out speaking to any of her teachers.
the way they had it set up was all the teachers in her team were in One classroom and there was just a long line that didn't move. after 25 minutes in the same spot, I said screw it and will email them my concerns (of which there are a few bc frecklette still isn't turning in her homework or projects and can't seem to give us any better an answer besides ' I don't know.').

a Good Mother would have stayed no matter how long it took.

but.. they didn't even have chairs out in the hall and no order to the set up whatsoever.

sad.gif
freckleface2727
and O K O K so another part of why I gave up and left was bc of the other mom's there.

BITCH-O-RAMA.

the Guilt is Killing Me right now for this.

am I a MOM or a mouse?

there were 2 "high class" mom's in line in front of me, 1 very professional looking, the other very Professional MOM looking (in that well heeled clogg and fluffyfeathery Perfect way)and they were talking and talking and I was just standing there.... and finally another Mom came up and started talking to Clogg Mom and they mentioned math and talking to the teacher and I asked 'about Ms M?' (as in the one who is gone that we loved) and they said ' oh HER. so GLAD SHE'S GONE.' and I asked why and this woman's eyes positively GLEAMED in that icky bulgey way and made snide and snotty comments about how she couldn't control Her Class and that there were rumors that some Internet Thing might have originated from her room and good riddance to bad rubbish.

and the whole time I am standing there completely confused by all this, them looking at me w/ something close to pathetic pity (same word?) for being so Out Of It and finally I said ' well we LIKED Her. a LOT. my girl was really learning with her and I thought she was terrific too and what a loss that she's gone.'

lot of bravado maybe for standing up on her behalf but after that I said Fuck It and looked at Frecklette and told her we could just email to conference from home (which I already did tonight) and let's go.
she was like " COOL!"

seriously, as soon as I post this, I'm going to look up all-girl's schools for her, private schools, ANYTHING, but this bitch-infested den of snottiness.

gah.

my kid deserves better and damnit, so do I.
mornington
gah, freck, that's horrid! and I don't blame you for leaving; don't they put time limits on these things. you are not a bad mother and you know it. and so does everyone else, especially frecklette and that's what counts most of all.

I hate hate hate snotty parents. I can remember in my last two years of school we had to go to parent-teachers with our parents; my mum was out of the country and so I had to go on my own and got all these pitying looks. The next year, after I'd left, I went to my little brother's in mum's place (she works overseas) and the new deputy head man gave me a dirty look - as did the snotty overdressed mothers as me and the Boy Wonder just had a laugh and talked to whoever we could find (not neccessarily his teachers... just teachers we knew and who didn't have anyone waiting). My mum was the boho nutter in the wacky clothes who refused to be all cliquey, so it wasn't much different from when she was there, mind you.
pepper
freckle, i don't like my kid's school either and i'd LOVE to transfer him but then i think what the hell for? aren't they all like that anyhow? he's on the waiting list for the alternative school in town so hopefully next year will be different. my friend's little girl goes there though and i still hear similar complaints from her. wish i could homeschool but then he'd grow up a math idiot. he'd be able to make good banana bread though. that's a fair trade, isn't it? who needs math...

the school folks can be so clueless. the little came home with picture samples last week but there was no notice about picture day and it wasn't included in the monthly calendar the school picked out wtf. thanks so much for letting me know. thankfully he was wearing something ok that day. the look on his face though? priceless. love how they pose for the camera with their eyes scrunched up and the weirdest ever psuedo smile plastered on their little kissers. ha ha. can't wait to send copies of that one out.

all but three peices of candy are left in the bowl. he's just totally stopped asking me for it altogether. the other day he wanted a piece of my dried papaya for dessert and yesterday he asked for some organic bunny shaped honey graham crackers. i think it's because i don't make it a practice to have dessert unless it's a special occasion and even then it's something healthy like homemade pie or cookies. and i don't put sweets in his lunch, daycares and schools ask you not too but most kids get that junk in their lunch anyhow. not my poor health food eating little guy. ha ha.

mandolyn
(((freckle)))

in the middle school, we had an afternoon devoted to parent-teacher conferences. we made appointments for private 7-minute meetings with each teacher. which translated into my taking off from work early and then waiting for up to 45 minutes for each teacher, because the conferences invariably went over the 7-minute allottment. by the last year, i only went to one, and didn't even make the mr go to the other one.

this year, in high school, meet-the-teachers night was held in the gym, with each department at a table. which translated into waiting on long lines to talk to the selected teacher for all of 4 minutes. not to mention the parents who cut lines. (grrrr!) the mr and i divided and conquered, because i loathe and destest waiting on any line anywhere for anything. the main mission was to gather email addresses.

so when the october progress report came in with lower-than-expected grades, i went online and did my thing. which worked infinitely better. the science teacher preferred calling me, and we had an excellent chat. the teachers were thrilled to hear from me, and promised to keep me in any and all loops.

there's much to be said for email and phone-call interaction. i prefer it, actually.

although, you know, i've pretty much cemented my rep as "annoying email mom". hee.
girlygirlgag
Hi Mommies,

Do any of you have children with ADHD? My step/bonus son's teacher thinks he does, and I think she is right. He is doing really badly in school and at home. He is not listening, he is lying, sometimes taking things that do not belong to him, acting out of control, etc. He is only 6.
We want to start him on some kind of regiment without pharmaceuticals. Any advice?

Thanks!
mornington
GGG, I don't have anything helpful but... my best friend from elementary school has ADD (which is the same think as ADHD, I think for us in the uk) which wasn't formally diagnosed until he was in his mid-teens. He's just graduated uni with a 2:1 and is going back to get further qualifications this year. My 18-yo brother is getting tested too... unless it's a serious case (and is seriously affecting his development... how is he in the reading etc stakes?) I honestly don't think it impinges on them that much, everyone develops differently.

The more seriously-affected kids I used to be a classroom aide with (who all had severe dysleksia and other problems) used to be on a strict diet (especially with sugary foods/additives), short activities (reading for fifteen minutes instead of half an hour, that kind of thing) and very active learning - if you can work with him out of school, noise and movement helped more than "sit still be quiet" learning. Maybe some sort of reward system as well that you could work out with his teacher?

Good luck!
POfeminist
Excuse me for butting in but I have to mention something to pepper. I have been lurking in here for awhile, and I realized that you are pregnant. You have two kids (different dads?) you always seem to be complaining that you are poor. You don't really have much education, and the guy who knocked you up is a fuck buddy and a totally unsuitable father figure. Did you think maybe you shouldn't have this child. Because "you like having babies" isn't a particularly good reason to keep a child who will have no father, you also drink to much from what I can tell and you don't have enough money to raise the kids you have . Use some common sense. Is this another welfare check to you? I can't help but compare you to the so many people who just have kids who they can't support, and who won't have stable family to give them. I don't think there needs to be a father, but it always helps. Also, especially if the father is a man you bang here and there, what kind of example is that? If you don't want to have an abortion, give it up for adoption. I just see no reason for why you would keep this child when you have your hands full already. It is not anybody's choice but yours, but I fail to understand how a 30 something year old gets knocked up by accident and then makes the poor choice to keep it when she is not bringing it into an ideal world. You aren't 17 anymore, why the continued bad choices?
freckleface2727
woa woa woa there POfeminist.

I don't know who you are or where you came from, but take a second and back up please.

first, if you have opinions here to share ( & clearly You DO), take a minute and introduce yourself.
- have you stopped in the Bust Lounge For The Newbies thread yet?
we are a self moderated board here yes, but it's our shared protocol that all newbies sign in there & give at least a brief into to the group at large, which will also be the place to learn the do's and don't's.

are you a Mama?
if so, tell us about yourself and your child.

we don't always agree with one another, but we do tend to try and be supportive regardless and though I don't believe that your post was meant to be so harsh ( or I don't know, maybe it was), it certainly came off as such. implying that another child would be just another welfare check is about one of the ugliest things I've ever read here and I really Really hope that it was poorly communicated thought rather than actual Intent.
if that's the case, I invite you to keep on truckin' bc we will all surely put you on Ignore and you can keep your ugly biase's and opinions to yourself.

otherwise, please clarify your post for us.
were you not to, and to revert back to being a lurker, you'll only reinforce to all that Trolls can and do infiltrate everywhere.

ball is in your court ~

freckleface
POfeminist
It was harsh. Maybe too harsh but at the same time, I don't think anyone should be supporting bad decisions. I have two children who I intended to have, and wasn't accidentally knocked up at age thirty-something by my friend who I get drunk and I have sex with. Of course no one could ever mention this to pepper because from what I have witnessed by her behavior, she is extremely defensive and combative. The hallmark of someone who is deeply insecure about their decisions and their position in life.

They are 5 and 8. I have been married for 10 years. Although by no means do I think you need to be married to have children. That is not the objection I have with this.

Most of the time on this board all I see are women who are afraid to speak up even when the situation at hand is so obviously a mistake. Clearly though, once a decision like that has been made, the person must bc supported. The welfare check thing was not meant to sound that harsh, bad idea on my part. The fact is though, is that pepper does indeed complain about money, and I fail to see how bringing another child into the world when you cannot adequately support the two you have is a good idea. It sounds to me as though she has some deep seated issues and likes to have children because they love her unconditionally. I think it is irresponsible to bring a child into this world (or not give it up for adoption) under much less than perfect circumstances, especially when you are older and should know better. "Because I like having babies", by the way, is not a good reason when you are in a bad position to raise said children. Especially when the man who got you pregnant is an incompetant moron who you will probably never get a child support check from.


PS- A troll is someone who goes into a thread like all those religious people and spams the thread with non-nonsensical copy-and-pasted crap. It is not someone who says something you don't like.
pepper
if you'd actually been lurking for any sort of time at all maybe you'd have your story straight. i have one child, this will be my second. this baby's daddy is not a f-buddy. that relationship ended when i reconciled with my x, a man who i was with for over a year and who may not be perfect but hey, who's mister is? i am college And university educated and when have i complained about being poor? i'm not rich, certainly, and i grew up poor but right now i have plenty, not from welfare either smarty-pants. drinking too much for me was a brief stint (as in four months max) of having two glasses of wine at night, on occasion three which is a LOT for me because i am a light-weight. it was fun but i'm really only into having wine with dinner now and then and i had entirely stopped before i found out i was pregnant with this baby. generally speaking i'm a very healthy person, lots of raw and vegan etc. etc. health is one area that i am fairly well educated in, in fact. and, hello, i haven't made it a secret that i wanted another child. we weren't intending on trying for it so soon but we sure weren't Not trying either.

so, i forgive you for putting your foot in your mouth and making assumptions and i'll also give you fair chance to prove that you aren't a troll. any more attacks like this one though and straight on ignore you go.

have a nice day.
POfeminist
I don't think disagreeing with a decision that is very obviously the wrong one is being catty. I admire many busties from my months as a lurker, however, I don't see much honesty on this board.

For me, being a feminist includes calling it as you see it. Alot of what goes on here is alot of superficial back-patting and high fiving eachother even when the truth about the matter is like a pink elephant in the room. However no one ever wants to say it. Often when i do actually see honesty, that person gets attacked. Go ahead and label me a troll, but I do not believe I have in any way been un civil. Pepper, you putting me on ignore is very typical of your normal behavior of not being able to take criticism or hear anything you may not agree with. I hardly think I am the only person who can see this about you. You are as transparent as a window.

I apologize for any mistakes I did make about your life. I still think having a baby in your situation would be a huge mistake. However, good luck to you.
pepper
awesome blanche, that's so cool about the eatting (and thank you for your kind words. i am Loving the ignore function for times just like this). it's so hard because feeding them is something parents think of as their job so if the little one doesn't eat it's like you did a bad job that day. sneaking in a snack as a way to see them exist on more than what seems like air some days is just how it goes. it is amazing how quickly those things can become habit and start to change the daily routine. for sure, letting my little guy stay up later on the weekend or if something special is happening seems ok to me at the time but it always, always backfires into crabby little over-tired fussy pants and that is just No fun. you think i'd learn my lesson already but i still do it, it seems mean somehow to adhere to strict bed time when there is a friend over or something else going on. we both end up paying the price. where to bend? it's a hard call.

today was one of those days. he lost his first tooth which was interesting. no crying but some blood (not his favourite thing). then we were going down some stairs and at the top i was about to remind him to hold onto the hand railing and he stumbled and fell down them (AAAHHH!!). slow-mo only a couple of steps and he was really well padded with snow gear but still, minor nose scrape and scared enough to have a good little crying jag on my lap. then tonight at dinner he made some kind of wiggly maneuver that landed him on his noggin on the floor. yikes, more screechy crying. i don't know what was up with him, he's usually not quite so accident prone.
cute-yes. coordinated-apparently no.
mornington
I found out when my dad woke me up trying to put fifty pence in my tooth-box (he knocked my glass of water over on me). I think they broke santa to me about the same time (I was eight/nine, I think... although santa might have been earlier). It seems a good age to me - introduce them to christmas shopping for sibs/parents and the whole "playing santa" thing (I got to do it for my little brother, it was a big secret biggrin.gif )

pepper, I'm clearly really behind, but congratulations. does Little know yet?
freckleface2727
frecklette held strong to the Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy/Lucky the Leprechaun til she was about 10 or so... I remember quite clearly when she was in 2nd grade her coming home from school telling me she'd almost gotten into a fist fight (crazi if you knew my girl) bc some kids were Insisting there was no Santa and She was Sure There WAS.
..I felt kinda bad for that one... altho, the mr & I also thought it was sorta uh, funny at the same time... ( talk about BAD PARENTS!! biggrin.gif ). 10 might be a litle old to still be believing in this day & age yes, but the mr & I worked hard at maintaining the mystery of it for her still, bc as I've said many times here, there is progressively less and less mystery & magic in the lives of our children today and where do imaginations feed from otherwise?
I still try to go on w/ the Leprechaun bit, bc for me it's the funnest and I can tell she's still maybe a wee bit on the fence about it.

Congrats on Little's Tooth!

what is the going rate for a tooth these days now? once freck hit the jackpot bc I had absolutely Nothing but a fiver (not so much as even a penny or a dime to be found) and let me tell you... Big Mistake!
after that she was always disappointed. - huh. life is tough all over Toots, lol.

and one last word on the imaginary figures... after freck's little school yard incident (which could have really been ugly) the mr & I did discuss going ahead and telling her ourselves, bc we'd rather she heard it from Us rather than " on the streets." just a thought.

love to the mama's here ~ smile.gif
pepper
i haven't ever been comfortable with the pretending santa and such were actually real so little has always known that i am santa, the easter bunny, the tooth fairy etc. i told him that they were really fun make believe stories like superman and he has just been so cool with that. he knows that other kids believe though so he doesn't go round letting the cat out of the bag. he's a sensitive, intelligent little man sometimes.
i sewed him up a little felt tooth shaped pillow last night with a heart pocket on it and left it in his room with a dollar in it, he was so excited this morning! he knows and sometimes mentions that I am the toothfairy but he talks about her like she is some one else too. it's interesting. we did the great pumpkin thing too, put the rest of his candy out in a bowl and the next morning there was a present instead. he knows that's me too but still likes the story.

mornington, thanks for the congrats and yup, little knows about it. i was thinking about waiting until later because little ones don't have a ton of patience to wait long times for things but then my friend said she thought it was a good thing to include other kids right away and it rang true for me. when i told him his face split into a smile, he put his hand on my tummy and said it was a baby sister in there. wow. he's so into it, it's awesome.
mandolyn
POfeminist, a troll is someone who posts purely to get reactions. you mind telling me how putting pepper under your microscope and then delurking - seemingly just to psychoanalyze her publicly - wasn't meant purely to get a reaction? tell me you genuinely care about her and her offspring - go ahead. i'm listening (temporarily). because all i see behind your guise of "honesty" and "calling it like [you] see it" in the name of *cough cough* feminism is plain condescending meanness.

parenting is hard enough without strangers barging in and tearing you down. it's a game of constant second-guessing. for my part, i seek coddling and high-fiving wherever i can get it. *tongue firmly in cheek*

sorry to beat the dead horse, ladies. but, you know, grrrr.

we had a hard time with the tooth fairy, since danny didn't lose his first tooth til he was 4 or so. but he milked santa way past due. i think he was 11. i also think he was afraid of disappointing his overly-sentimental, protective mama. *wry grin*

freckle, please to 'spain lucky the leprechaun?
freckleface2727
holy sh*t blanch.

poor ss!

my heart is just breaking for that poor little baby!

I think it's time to enact............... the Mama Mafia.

seriously.

between your situation w/ the egg donor and frecklette's best friend, it's actually Past Time.

if only !

am so glad that ss has you & your mr to love and nourish and take such good care of him, and I believe you are right, down the road, hopefully soon, he will tell you he doesn't want to see her anymore and maybe you can do something about that legally.
too bad you can't wire him w/ a small camera when he goes over there,, throw her nasty smoky behind in jail w/ others of her ilke.

Huge Hugs & love to all of you (((((((((((((((((((((((blanch, ss & mr)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
moxiegirl
Santa- i can't WAIT for santa time this year! moxette is obviously WAY too little to get it, but like frek said, any magic and mystery we can give her is good stuff. I was almost 8 when i found out- christmas 2nd grade. I came downstairs, early as shit (duh!), and was wandering the house looking for our presents. On my dad's desk (in the same roomas the fireplace, hence the santa room!), there was a wrapped gift marked, in my dad's unmistakable handwriting: "to moxie, from santa". Yep- a clerical error alerted me. Being pissed, but not wanting to ruin things for the younger sibs, i moved the present to the fireplace. I told my parents the next day. They were sad.
mandolyn
oh (((blanche))). my heart aches for your little guy. no six-year old should be subject to any of that.
does he really have to go to her at all?
(((ss)))
girlygirlgag
I WANT TO BE MR. T!!!!!!!!!!!! B.A. BARACUS!
freckleface2727
QUOTE(blanchedeveraux @ Nov 13 2006, 12:49 PM) *

sadly, there's not much that can be done legally right now. I'm a little exhausted from explaining the details, so just trust me... we're kind of stuck for legal options. He sees her very little, and she's phasing out more and more as he gets older. Best I can do is love him and pray.

Mama Mafia sounds fantastic. Let's do it!
Can we have a van like the A-Team?

you know my mr Is in the Army and we do know people... !!

da- dadaaaa- dadada- can you hear the A Team theme music right now?

phasing out is good, but this cretin scumbag just needs to be Eliminated.
( I think I just coined our mafioso catch-phrase.)

seriously, again, I am thankful that ss has you to love and care for him.
when he is grown, he will realise what you've done for him.

((((((((((ss & blanche again just bc sometimes there's not enough))))))))))))))
freckleface2727
===== big huge sigh of Dread====

meeting at freck's school today to "discuss why she is failing more than 1 class right now."

well that would be bc she's Not Turning In Her Homework or Assignments, and No, I DON'T Know Why.

and neither does she. that's the kicker.
I have picked this child's brain cleaner than a wishbone after Thanksgiving and keep coming up empty.
( I think I like that line and will have to remember to use it later today!)
her teachers all say she is bright and capable and there must be a Reason for her to behave like this.

my mom has a theory that maybe this is her way of rebelling, bc we're pretty laid back as far as things she cannot do. (it's just Logic and she doesn't ask to do anything extreme, at least so far.) and if that's it- you name it and we'll tell her she Can't do it and then she will and she'll turn herself around academically again- right?

if only.

not making the mr go w/ me today bc one sobbing parent in the school will be bad enough.

however, the mr's new unit has an in-house family therapist that we met last night that is just Wonderful and so will probably be giving her a call when I return home bc school-issues is one of the areas she covers.

= beats head against keyboard= sad.gif
pollystyrene
I don't know the specifics of freck's issues, but I had problems doing homework in elementary school (and jr. high and high school, but it was a little better) and I've come to believe that I was depressed- I wasn't officially diagnosed until college, but my symptoms in college were the same as elementary school- I was overwhelmed with depression and anxiety (about school and other stuff), and I would just shut down and avoid doing my homework. I was in elementary school in the mid-to-late 80's/early 90's and I think around 2nd and third grade, they started testing me to see if I was gifted and bored or had a learning disability and didn't understand- I was definitely not LD, and not quite at gifted levels. I think, like freck, they assumed it was rebellion.

I was young and didn't really understand what all this stuff was for at the time, so I'd love to get a hold of my [insert dramatic lightening crash, thunder roll] permanent records to see what they were looking for in me, what they thought was wrong and if the "D-Word" was ever mentioned. I'm sure it never even crossed their mind.
freckleface2727
QUOTE(pollystyrene @ Nov 16 2006, 02:38 PM) *

I don't know the specifics of freck's issues, but I had problems doing homework in elementary school (and jr. high and high school, but it was a little better) and I've come to believe that I was depressed- I wasn't officially diagnosed until college, but my symptoms in college were the same as elementary school- I was overwhelmed with depression and anxiety (about school and other stuff), and I would just shut down and avoid doing my homework. I was in elementary school in the mid-to-late 80's/early 90's and I think around 2nd and third grade, they started testing me to see if I was gifted and bored or had a learning disability and didn't understand- I was definitely not LD, and not quite at gifted levels. I think, like freck, they assumed it was rebellion.

I was young and didn't really understand what all this stuff was for at the time, so I'd love to get a hold of my [insert dramatic lightening crash, thunder roll] permanent records to see what they were looking for in me, what they thought was wrong and if the "D-Word" was ever mentioned. I'm sure it never even crossed their mind.


you know that is exactly what one of her teachers thought might be the problem, Depression.
they all said she seems really lost in thought often and dreamy ( remember last year's diagnosis of mild add?) and anxious and yes, might be depressed about something.
I told them that her dad got a new job that was a BIG change from everything in our past & that it was taking some time to adjust to it, but that overall he was home more w/ us than he's ever been before too.
( a + w/ as much as he is normally gone) I also told them that I had spoken to freck about dad's new job and if she didn't like it (or worried more due to it) that She Came First and her dad could go back to his old job (really yes) and we just needed her to be honest & tell us what was going on and not what she Thought we wanted to hear. she said at first it was different but now she thinks it's cool.

so........ all the teachers were incredibly nice, something I hadn't expected.
they all think freck is one of the sweetest and nicest kids in their classes and really want to help her succeed, so are going to offer her some extra credit as a means of making up the lost work.
I already followed thru w/ calling the family dr and am waiting for her to call me back.
this woman just gives off a vibe of love and nutuering and I think freck will really be able to open up to her.

the teachers also seemed happy that we were being so pro-active about this and know now that freck does have parents that care but just don't know what else to do.

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. this parenting gig sure ain't for sissies!

thankyou polly, for what you said. all those years you probably suffered in vain; how sad.
anything you can share or advise me on I will gladly listen to.
(((((((((((polly))))))))))

ps: can you IMAGINE what getting ahold of == duh du DUUUUUUH== our permement records could do to our psyche's ?
pollystyrene
Yep, exactly- it was a lot easier for me to mentally check out of class and daydream or doodle than to pay attention and get my work done in class or at home. That coping mechanism plagued me through college- I was depressed and anxious, I got overwhelmed and put up a wall. Depression kinda runs in my family and there was some specific stuff that was making me anxious. Oh, I think another thing they theorized about me was that I was a perfectionist and was so afraid of failing that I just wouldn't try....huh? So I caused my self to fail anyway?!?! I know kids have some backwards logic sometimes, but that's ridiculous.
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