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mornington
*sticks head in*

snarky, has your son met his dad's gf lots? I'd recommend it, make sure they get used to each other before he goes to visit, so he's not thrown in at the deep end. Also, is your relationship with your ex good enough that you, him and new lady sit down together and hash out some rules? - it really, really, really helps if you're all on the same page, particularly acceptable behaviour from him and her (what you might consider cool might not be alright with the gf) and boundaries. Make it clear that he doesn't have to like her, but he does have to respect her and be polite (kinda like a teacher). And that, like a teacher, if she does something he's not happy with, he can tell you - or his dad. But at the same time, if you don't like her, you also have to make every effort to respect her and be polite, because he'll pick up on your behaviour.

I know it sounds like a lot, but if you try now, there will be less problems when he gets older. Good luck!


Quick poll - age when kidlet started/should start potty training? And any tips for weaning said kidlet off the tv... (he's not mine, but when the tests come through, he might turn out to be my bf's... he's three and a half)
snarky7
thanx blanche and morning. i'll definitely take your suggestions to heart... i appreciate the thoughts. for some more background, they've spent a decent amount of time together and the boy says he likes her, tho i think he feels a little "second-wheel" when she's around them. poor kiddo.... i wish it wouldn't have to be that way. he's with his dad half-time, so it's a bit of a trial sometimes to keep him talking to me...especially after he's been at dad's for the length.

as for potty training, morning, depends on the gender i think, but at age 3 both should have started at least. snarkyboy was just 3 when he showed interest. after a month or so, we put the regular big boy cotton undies on first, then a pullup over the top - it worked like a charm! he could feel he was wet, but it didn't go all over. smile.gif tv weaning is tougher...i'd simply suggest any activities to get them away from it. keep it off and turn on the radio, go out for a walk or a bike ride or to the park or swimming.... just don't give them the time and they'll not get to watch. if they whine about it, just remind them of the fun things you did instead and the whining will soon be minimal. good luck!
pepper
Sorry, so busy and no internet at home yet. blanche, that's crap, give 'em heck girl! what kind of camp has tv and video games? dude, that's the lamest ever...
mornington, i unplug it and pretend it's broken and going for repair. after about 15 minutes (or less) most kids will find something else to do. this, of course means that YOU also can't watch it but that's actually a blessing sometimes. without any tv whatsoever i'm getting an amazing level of stuff accomplished, even with a new wee one! good thing too 'cause unpacking and setting up is endless...

things are terrific, chili pepperette is up 4 lbs already (6 weeks) and the little darlin' sleeps nearly through the night. no joke, she's an angel baby. and little is a gr8 big bro, but didn't ya just know he would be? he's awesome. i have stories but they'll have to wait.

caio bellas! c u all soon!
freckleface7
QUOTE(blanchedeveraux @ Aug 15 2007, 01:25 PM) *
I’d like to have a little discussion about censorship. I severely limit Mini’s screentime, but as he’s been getting older, he’s getting more freedoms. For instance, he can use the remote and surf around during his TV time, BUT I have the parental lock on basically every station that isn’t educational or for kids.
My Aunt, who is another Mom Hero of mine, rarely, if ever, censors what my cousins (9 and 11) watch on TV. She never has. I think the only thing they are not allowed to watch is “Deadwood.” My cousins have great taste in TV – they like History channel, discovery, Monty Python, and also Spongebob. I wonder what came first – the good taste, or the lack of censorship. If I gave Mini more freedom, would he opt not to watch the godawful “Pokemon: Diamonds and Pearls?” Or would I find him in front of something totally inappropriate?
My cousins are in no way potty-mouthed, or violent. Yet, they watch whatever they want – when I visited this weekend, they stayed up and watched “Adult Swim” on cartoon network!
What are your guidelines, if any?

blanche,

we don't have the parental controls set on our tv ( we don't know how to do it and asking frecklette to show us would be counter-productive) and trust frecklette to "do the right thing."

granted, she's such a conservative little republican sometimes anyway but the worst I've ever discovered her watching was some mtv '80's flashback stuff, which is ok, but anytime mtv is on (almost never) I want to know.
seriously, I think that the good foundation of what is OK vs Not Ok and WHY ( after we established what defines that; we have always just used the key/codeword: Grownup w/ her) lays the base for the future for them.

we have like 100-something channels sinse we upgraded a few months ago from basic cable to digital and frecklette's big thrill is being able to watch Hannah Montana & Drake & Josh on the disney channel whenever she wants.

on the occassion that we want to watch even a pg-13 movie, SHE is the one who points out that some of the stuff might not be appropriate for her to see, but I think that's mostly an escape attempt at trying to get out of watching a movie w/ her parents. tongue.gif

I don't think it's censorship when you are being proactively protective of your child blanche.
yah, it is sheltering, but there is time enough for your Mini to see and learn all about the world out beyond your borders when he is old enough to understand it better.

bottom line: talk talk talk. I know he's a lot younger than my frecklette, but give his intelligence the chance to be used once you explain to him why you feel as you do about certain shows that he might want to watch.
plus, you can always watch them together and then use some of those shows as an opportunity to discuss things.
I'm finding that especially helpful w/ sex issues bc maud oh mama but that's a tough one even still.

hope this helps & hugs~
mornington
blanche, could you give him more "channel surfing" time at certain times of day - say, before six pm, when there isn't going to be anything too dreadful on the main channels. Most kids would be freaked out by the porn/scary movies, but at seven (mini is seven, right? thereabouts) he needs to know that that stuff is out there, but he doesn't have to watch it. I don't think there's a lot of harm in the simpsons, or some of the documentary channels. Maybe watch a few "older" documentaries with him (I loved nature programes as a kid, my brother the history docs) so he has someone to talk to if he doesn't get it.

good books for starting kids on reading, anyone? I'm taking a present over to the three-year-old kidlet, and I thought I'd take a book as A. books last and B. from what I've heard, he doesn't have many - if he has any at all.

pepper, yay for the bebe and little!
pepper
this is so funny. hoo, i laughed like a hyena

ebay auction
grenadine
hey, moms,--

i'm delurking to ask you a potty training question...we're in the throes of it right now, and the bean is 2 weeks past two. he started going in his potty at home a few weeks ago (all on his own, but only when naked, which is often when we're home). we've been at the beach for a week and we let him run around naked while we're in the house, and he's been using the potty every time. typically he'll go, "pee (or poop) in the potty," then run and do it, then resume his activity. he also enjoys dumping it in the toilet. he basically trained himself. the only thing is that i think it will be much harder when he's in an environment where the potty is less accessible and/or he has too many clothes on (like at the coop playschool we're going to be attending 3 mornings a week, where the potties are shut in the bathroom and he might be very far away. anyone have any ideas to facilitate/encourage pottying? i'd love for him to be reliably potty trained by the time our new baby comes (ok, maybe too ambitious as i'm something like 36 weeks now, but still).

mornington, if he doesn't have "in the night kitchen" by maurice sendak, that book is genius. much more so than "where the wild things are," although that's good too. i also love ruth krauss's quirky "a hole is to dig" (charmingly illustrated by sendak) and l. leslie brook's book of traditional nursery rhymes (great pictures). i had a great "a child's book of poems" by gyo fujikawa (ill.), but i don't know if it's still in print.
snarky7
AAAARRRRRGH! **pulling hair**
Anyone out there have suggestions for helping my 5-year-old to stop "streaking" his shorts every day? He knows better and it is never a lot in his underwear, but I've HAD IT! I can't stand having to soak or scrub or even just cleaning his butt cuz it gets all over him.........!!!!!

I've tried timeouts and spankings and special sticker charts for rewards....just is NOT working!
Please...please help!

THANK YOU
pepper
no boy will ever get his bum clean without those flushable wet wipes. they're cheap, you can get them everywhere and some of them come in cartoon covered containers. i know it's frustrating but shameing them about anything potty can lead to big problems later on so do what you need to do to make this work better for you.
i look for dark underwear when i'm shopping for him too. wink.gif
pepper
AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! FIRST DAY BACK TO SCHOOL!!!

the split personality in me is freaking out wacko.gif

one of me is so totally spazzing and the other one is so happy and relaxed.
we live a block from the school (yes, on purpose) so i'm picking him up to bring him home for lunch.
home for lunch. what is this, the 50's?! ha! happy.gif
pepper
it went fine except i got him back late after lunch, he had to poo RIGHT before we left. the principle made some comment about telling him to go earlier (hmm, yes, i'm sure i'll be telling his wee body to follow your schedule only) and the office gave him a LATE slip to take to his class dry.gif , hello it's grade ONE, and what's with the late shame? f-you establishment values.
i love that my little critter is an ungovernable free-thinker not a conformist follow-alonger. i'll be encouraging that "think for yourself" attitude for the rest of this life. school bites my ass. grr.
whew, i'm getting all mad remembering how much i HATED school, gah, i wish i could home school.
pepper
men are funny yo. this girl's papa wanted to parent little the same way he was parented. not consciously either, he just fell into the pattern and when i'd say "hey now, that's not right. whatcha doing that for?" he'd have no idea but bluster about how i was babying him, stupid shit like that. if i'd say something to him about how 'that's what his parents did to him and he hated it and thought it was wrong so why was he trying to do it to another kid?' his face would just fall and he'd be all flabbergasted at himself. parental auto-pilot. duu-uummbb.

socialize in social settings. that's what play groups are for, school if for turning you into a good little factory worker not a human being. we gotta fight hard against the system so our kids retain some sense of themselves. they aren't just little cogs in the machine but they'll grow up thinking just that if we aren't vigilant. no joke. the gov't doesn't PAY for public school without an alterior motive and i DON'T think i'm being paranoid about that.
moxiegirl
You aren't paranoid at all! But, I do think that learning to work the system is a worthwhile reason to be in public schools. Granted, I'm the big sister who told my then 12 year old brother to make his "western town" diorama about saloons and hookers for his history class. Poor kid got in TONS of trouble for that, but bless our parents, they took me, and a note from MY HS history teacher, explaining that it is a valid representation of the reality of old western town life. The teacher caved and admitted that we were right. See? Working the system. This teacher STILL keeps in touch with my brother, actually...15 years later.
pepper
shoot, that's funny.

i never learned to work with the system, i just make a LOT of noise and knock heads together and then deal with the fallout later on. not the finest approach, i'll admit but i learned it from my mama. it's a struggle to be diplomatic sometimes, it feels like a Waste of time but i guess in the long run they both equal out.
grenadine
investigating alternative schools is definitely worth it too...where we are there are a bunch of "charter" and alternative schools, among which one that's mixed-age grades, no hall passes (pepper, that late pass thing is such b.s.!) and was known, when i was in the neighbouring school as a child, for being full of pot-smokin' class-cutters. i totally intend to send the bean there if we're still here when he starts kindergarten, even tho it's across town. now, i'm no pothead, but i skipped TONS of school from fifth grade on. my last year of H.S. i only WENT twice. (and i am now a college prof! so at least you know i didn't flunk out. actually, it was in college that i learnt to go straight to the dean, lay out my case, and get to bypass all the rules.) i agree with mox that it's totally worth learning to work the system, but i also think you need to know when to tell the system when to go get stuffed. so when the mister asked me what i would do if the bean started skipping school later on, i said..."uh...nothing." and then, after further thought, "as long as he can READ, and he's skipping because it's BORING, i'm all for it."

so my mission is to make sure he goes to the kind of school that will look the other way if he turns out to be like me (and i know i'm very, very lucky to have had teachers who understood that in HS i had other things to do and was in no academic danger, rather than teachers who tried to break me like a wild mustang just for the sake of their own conformity power trip).

p.s. blanche, thanks for the idea...i asked the bean if he wanted underpants and he explained to me very seriously that "those are for kids" and "i'm too little for underpants." so i think we'll just wait a bit...precocious little bug.
moxiegirl
gren, as a professor, what contact have you had with students who did the International Baccalaureates program? OUr school district has a primary/middle school international BA, and is moving the HS towards that curriculum (although it can't be "certified" at that level, b/c our county also has an IB high school). We will sooner rather than later have to decide for moxette IB program or neighborhood elementary (which will use many of the same curriculum). Hmmm...
grenadine
good lord! haven't these people read "the hurried child"? my contact with IB grads has been limited as i now teach at a state school that draws from the region, so most of my students aren't at that achievement level; however, i did interviews for a prestigious school on the east coast and had an IB program at my own high school lo these many years ago, so if you're asking "is it a big advantage..." i'd say from a college admissions standpoint it depends on how big/well-known the high school is and how well she does. if it's a HS that they get a sizeable amount of applications from, the admissions people will be aware that there is an IB program and a competitive/high-achieving student who was not in it will raise a few eyebrows, though it's by no means a death knell. if it's a lesser-known HS or not one that tends to have a lot of applicants to a particular school, they won't care. i'd advocate strongly for investigating what the IB program really MEANS in terms of moxette's education and making the decision based on that; if it doesn't mean much (and it often doesn't, as they often use the same curriculum/teachers/core and only change what's necessary for requirements), then you might as well do it on the theory that it may be of some benefit.

this brings me to another issue, though, which is that there has been SO MUCH media coverage lately on how ridiculously competitive it has become to get into good colleges, and the expectations for a seventeen or eighteen year-old to have a polished, well-rounded, successful resume and "persona" are so high, that i wonder what our kids will do by the time they get there. i've taught at a big private school, a small private art school, and now this state school, and i think the vagaries of college selection are much more complicated than they used to be. and i think something's gotta give in the next decade or so, as the norming of overachieving is starting to make achievement meaningless (cf. what they did to the SAT scoring process some ten years ago, which basically hiked everyone's score up 100 points -- we discussed this quite a bit in the admissions office, since the president wanted us to know that a 1600 was no longer all that impressive!).
pepper
betch if you offered him a hug and gave it he'd shut right up. i mean that in a good way wink.gif
pepper
click on the animal school link

http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/
pepper
i know, it made me sad too. i wish i could homeschool but he loves the other kids so much. it wouldn't be fair.
and then i think sending him there at all isn't fair. it's a hard call.
pollystyrene
That was a really touching video, pepper.

Here's one that will make you laugh! (cross-posted in the YouTube and Hthread)

pepper
i passed that one along polly, too funny!

sigh, little came home with a catalogue of absolute garbage he's supposed to sell to our friends and relatives. as IF! is it worth it to appeal to the school's sense of environmental responsibility and suggest they just ask us for donations? i'd rather give them $20 and have them use it all rather than buy a piece of $5 trash and them only get $3 of it, not to mention the cost of the glossy colour catalogue.
why do they do this? it's so STUPID.
pepper
little changed the toilet paper roll! i went in to find a new one on there, i could tell 'cause the edge was still stuck down to the roll. brought tears to my eyes happy.gif

and then i lifted the lid and found his floaties, then i really cried! blink.gif

he can change the roll but can't manage to flush. ahh, kids...
pepper
hellooo!!! where are you guys???

this is ridiculously funny...

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning .... uphill BOTH ways, yadda, yadda, yadda! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter ...with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napster! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids' and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little brats!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire .... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled!!!!!!!!!

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980! Oh yea, and a seatbelt was Mom throwing her arm across your chest every time she hit the brakes
gumby_cc
lol. too funny
shinyx3
thanks for the laugh pepper. it was much needed.
moxiegirl
What do you mean, no winners in sport? Seriously? I'm suddenly very glad to have what seems to be a very girlie girl. Those leagues would rile me the wrong way.
pepper
the timer is a great idea. my friend used to do that with the oven timer to get her boy to clean his room and it worked great. teachers shouldn't be such wusses.
i, however, don't agree with competitive sports at all. i'd be happy to see them all go the way of the dodo. yes, i play cooperative games with little, the kind where you all help eachother win, and he loves them. the hippie in me is the one in charge happy.gif

here's another gem from my files:

And they call some of these people "retarded"...
A few years ago, at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants,
all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line
for the 100-yard dash.
At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a
relish to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is, except
one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of
times, and began to cry.
The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back.
Then they all turned around and went back......every one of them.
One girl with Down's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said,
"This will make it better." Then all nine linked arms and walked
together to the finish line. Everyone in the stadium stood, and the
cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there are
still telling the story.
Why? Because deep down we know this one thing:
What matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves.
What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it
means slowing down and changing our course.

pepper
that seems odd. what do they do at the end of the game? i mean, i actually like the idea of not keeping score at all and just playing for fun. i think people are freakier about winning and losing as adults if they played like that as kids and if they played cooperatively they have an everybody-win-together kind of attitude. only time will tell though, as the great experiment on my own unsuspecting children continues... huh.gif
Porn Star
QUOTE(pepper @ Sep 15 2007, 10:59 AM) *
click on the animal school link

http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/

Nice article. I loved it.....I love animals especially dogs. I had one once but I had to give it because I didn't have enought time to take care of him.
girlygirlgag
QUOTE(Porn Star @ Oct 12 2007, 09:49 AM) *
Nice article. I loved it.....I love animals especially dogs. I had one once but I had to give it because I didn't have enought time to take care of him.



I love this site Pepper.

Has anyone ever dealt with a child who is encomprassing their poops? My seven year old step son refuses to go until he goes in his pants and what is frustrating is that these are not "accidents". He knows he has to go, I know he has too, because he strats to stink and walk funny, but flat out refuses to go to the bathroom, unless you MAKE him..

I don't want to make him feel ashamed, but this is so NOT acceptable and I am at the end of my rope.
pollystyrene
QUOTE(blanchedeveraux @ Oct 16 2007, 07:17 AM) *
Calling all Bustie Moms!

I want to use some kind of plaque-detecting rinse with Mini, to get him brushing well. Unfortunately, when I looked up the only one I know of on the market, "Listerine Agent Cool Blue," I found that ALL OF IT was recalled a couple months ago!
Good thing I checked.

Does anyone know of another product that turns kids' teeth a color so they brush well?

I know I had something like it as a kid, but maybe it came from the dentist.


Yep, in my office, we use these things called disclosing tablets. We get the ones made by Butler. If you Google them, they sell them in lots of places.
pepper
little is 6 and i still brush and floss his teeth (he has a tongue brush and he rinses with mouthwash too). i use an electric brush (dentist rec.) at night. in the morning he brushes with a regular manual brush but i take over at the end and give his teeth a good once over. the dentist told me not to trust him to do it properly on his own until he's 8 and has the dexterity.


ggg, i think holding the poop can sometimes be a symptom of feeling a lack of control. when they're little practically nothing is entirely up to them (see above) and while it can be comforting, it's can also be stifling at times. holding in the bodily functions can be one way to exert a little power.
when this came up here before i seem to remember suggestions of creating opportunities for responsiblity and choice. not neccessarily related to toileting, just in general. beyond that i'd say a little counselling would work wonders. i'm big on the kids-having-someone-impartial-to-talk-to thing.
pollystyrene
Just think of it this way- by doing it, you're saving yourselves a lot of money on dental work.

I can't tell you how many kids we see with mouths as bad as their parents. It's the non-fluoridated bottled water and all the fruit juice. That's really only about 40% of it. The other 60% is that parents don't make their kids brush their teeth properly or at all. We have six-year-olds coming in for root canals. There's something wrong with that. But even if it's on a baby tooth, you can't just ignore it because the kid will be in pain.

Here in Illinois, you have to have something signed by your dentist saying the kid has been examined/cleaned in the last year before they can enter kindergarten, second, fourth and sixth grades because the number one reasons kids were absent or sleeping in class was because they were up all night with pain from their cavities.

We have this one patient, a six-year-old girl, who's been coming to us for less than a year. Her mother's truly poor white trash, just ignorant. Social services were called on her when the girl was sleeping her way through kindergarten (and is repeating 1st grade this year). They discovered it was because she wasn't sleeping at night because of her teeth. I wasn't working their at the time, but they said this child's gums were black. Black. She had infections in her gums. Of course, we couldn't just let this kid go on like that, so we did over $3,000 worth of dental work on this kid for basically nothing. Mom had a sugar-daddy boyfriend who paid some of it, but he's gone now, and the kid's still having problems because her mom still doesn't make her brush her teeth. We give her toothbrushes and toothpaste. Don't do any good if they're not used. She told the assistant once that "mommy scrapes my teeth with her fingernail in the car on the way to school to get the stuff off."

It's so fricking aggravating. Thanks for letting me rant, though. mad.gif
pepper
oh ugh polly. that's beyond yucky.

have to say though, there's a bus load of evidence that flouride in water is dangerous. it's not exactly meant to be ingested, especially the inorganic kind that's used it water. that's actually a biproduct of the petrolium industry and so far from natural flouride. more harm than good.
girlygirlgag
QUOTE(pepper @ Oct 16 2007, 09:11 PM) *
little is 6 and i still brush and floss his teeth (he has a tongue brush and he rinses with mouthwash too). i use an electric brush (dentist rec.) at night. in the morning he brushes with a regular manual brush but i take over at the end and give his teeth a good once over. the dentist told me not to trust him to do it properly on his own until he's 8 and has the dexterity.
ggg, i think holding the poop can sometimes be a symptom of feeling a lack of control. when they're little practically nothing is entirely up to them (see above) and while it can be comforting, it's can also be stifling at times. holding in the bodily functions can be one way to exert a little power.
when this came up here before i seem to remember suggestions of creating opportunities for responsiblity and choice. not neccessarily related to toileting, just in general. beyond that i'd say a little counselling would work wonders. i'm big on the kids-having-someone-impartial-to-talk-to thing.



Ugh, I know. Young Son is all about control and I keep telling Mr that this is the case. (Mr thinks it is because of physical reasons) I have been suggesting counseling for a long time, but Mr doesn't think he needs it. The poop thing is not the only issue, he has listening issues as well.

Thanks for the advice, I am still going to hound Mr about this.

Blanche, have you ever used fiber based laxatives or something like Activia so she can't hold it? I read that may work but it sounds like it could lead to a disaster.
pepper
ggg, i never really understand that attitude that kids don't need someone to talk to. of course they do! can you imagine if we as new parents had no one to talk to or if we were considered deficient somehow if we sought out someone else's advice? you know how they always say that kids don't come with instruction manuals yadda yadda? well, kids don't get an instruction manual to help them out either and they have WAY more to learn about life and living than a full grown adult has to learn about raising a child. i mean, the poor little buggers, having to muddle along with not much to guide them but our best of intentions and the examples of their equally confuddled peers.

ALL kids need someone to talk to about their stuff, be it an auntie, a spiritual advisor or a therapist. it doesn't mean that they are broken, it just means that they are human and sometimes need a helping hand. just like us.
and hey, holding in the poop in at seven isn't broken but sounds like a pretty loud cry for help.

one last thing. when i was 5 my mom married a terrible, abusive man. during kindergarten i started exercising control over my physical self a few ways, one was to not scratch an itch. i want you to imagine this~ you are five and when you get an itch, mosquito bite or whatever, you Do Not scratch it, you force yourself not to.
pretty intense for a five year old.
perhaps check out what's happening at school and make sure he isn't being intimidated by something or bullied by another kid. it's funny to think it's totally unpoop related but it wouldn't surprise me at all.
girlygirlgag
I know Pepper. Mr, though a fairly progressive man, still has those old fashioned notions that you ONLY seek counseling when there is somethign wrong. He is very stubborn about it.

Young Son has been doing this for years. Young son is a lovely, brilliant, difficult, stubborn child. Pooping takes too much time and it hurts. (He holds them in so long that they become the size of my arms, and he doesn't want to *MISS* anything, he used to wet himself because he would be so fixated on what he was doing, he would not want to stop). His mom and dad are both control freaks who have to be right, so this is a hereditary thing. (I love his mom and dad to pieces, and they know this about themselves, so it is no secret) Just on Sunday, he was walking funny, so I pulled him over and smelled him (he smelled like poop) and sent him to the bathroom. Well then the battle of wills ensues and it took arguing and physically standing there and making him poop it out, to get him to go.

Ugh.

It is so frustrating and since I am the step parent, I am limited to what I can do.
So yeah. I
pepper
looks like you got the start of another thought out there... what's missing?

about talking to someone, that old adage 'an ounce of prevention beats a pound of cure' applies here too. i'd much rather head that kind of thing off at the pass than deal with a phobia or other difficult issue down the road. that sort of stubborness is unfortunate. hmm, doesn't he think pooping in the pants is something wrong though? would he at least talk to a regular doctor about it? maybe teh doc would recommend some counselling, or have you gone that route already?
good for you for handing out the tough love. maybe with some consitancy it will become a habit to go when the going's good. best of luck with it anyhow. washing out baby poop is gross enough for me dry.gif .
girlygirlgag
QUOTE(pepper @ Oct 17 2007, 07:35 PM) *
looks like you got the start of another thought out there... what's missing?

about talking to someone, that old adage 'an ounce of prevention beats a pound of cure' applies here too. i'd much rather head that kind of thing off at the pass than deal with a phobia or other difficult issue down the road. that sort of stubborness is unfortunate. hmm, doesn't he think pooping in the pants is something wrong though? .



It's like he thinks it is totally normal. We got into a wicked argument about it, and he brought up how YS has problems wiping, which that is fine, I understand skidmarks. I was trying to stress that this is not a skidmark issue, this is a pooping your pants issue because you can't hold it anymore.

It's like he thinks I am being mean, when I'm not. YS knows he shouldn't do this. He hides turdy underwear in the hampers that I find with poop smeared on everything in there. He also hides them in his clean underwear drawer. It is not safe or sanitary.

Can you see where the stubborness comes from? blink.gif laugh.gif

I feel like I am fighting a battle that I will never win.

I forgot my other thought!
pepper
i'm sorry your therapist was a no go for you blanche but i think it says a lot that the mr was willing to try it and i think it says a lot to mini that you set aside that time just for him, just to help him. it's morphed into something else that is no less representative of that intention and i think that holds a lot of wieght with your kidlet. that kind of focused positive attention is super healthy and healing. good for you girl.

little whacked another kid in the nose at school the other day, i got the fun call from his teacher. he had to miss a couple of recesses and eat his lunch in the office and he was super bummed about the whole thing. he told me he was playing tag and really didn't want to get caught and this little girl was getting in his way trying to tell him something and he paniced and flailed out at her and womped her poor little face. i believe him that he didn't do it on purpose, he is generally a pretty gentle person, we used to live in a parent's co-op so he' used to being around much younger kids and he always really loved them and played nicely with them. and he does panic if i ever chase him or try to catch him, he shrieks and runs away and has even flailed at me when i've gotten close to catching him. even though he's laughing i can see the potential for a real freak out, it makes him feel very vulnerable.

anyhow, we made her a little fleece kitty and a card to appologize and gave them to her in the school yard the next morning, she was totally ok. i think he just upset her, no real harm done.

poor little buggers. growing up is so tough.

here's the kitty though, ain't she sweet? her name is punkin. totally hand stitched (until 2AM, ACK!)
girlygirlgag
We have a strict schedule of outings. Every Saturday and Sunday we do breakfast out, the zoo/chrildren's museum/ swimming/ shopping/ last week we went to the pumpkin farm.

I know our life isn't perfect, but these kids are the focus of attention 100% of the time and sometimes it makes me wonder if that is th problem? Like controlling his bathroom habits, he has something that is his?

I dunno. wacko.gif
freckleface7
= peeks in=

hey everyone smile.gif

I know I haven't posted here in a long while, and it's bc w/ all the talk of wee ones, I don't so much relate as my girl is a teenager.
but- it's so good to see everyone still growing and trying and loving their poppets so much, it does my heart good! tongue.gif

frecklette got her braces off this morning..... and don't you just know I was sneaking in there while they were taking them off to take pictures too?!
the funniest part is, the ortho assistants said parents do that all the time!

she is beautifabulous if I can say so... and I almost cried when I saw how great and grown up she looks now.
<le sigh>

merry-happy everything everyone- Busty Mama's Rule! biggrin.gif
pepper
ok freckle, is she too old for halloween yet? if not what did y'all do? i posted pics in say cheese, we had a great time! the kids are NOT smiling in the pic though, littlest is teething so it's all hand-in-mouth all the time action and little was just so super bummed to have to stand still for even a minute! ah well, it was fun.
freckleface7
pepper-
frecklette stopped trick or treating 2 years ago, and so now we just hand out candy.
this year we were smarter though, and "put the word out on the street that we'd have a lot of good stuff so pass it on" bc last year we hardly had any kids and it was such a huge disappointment.
our house sits around the corner where you can't see it from the cross street, so I also hung out a white ghostie chinese latern that lit up from our mail box, making us more visible too.

we had a good time, minus any time frecklette thought she recognized anyone from her school and then she dove for cover, peeping out to see if they recognised her house.
such a goob!

glad you and the littles had a good time, teething and all;
frecklette's orthodontist gave her a bag of candy today when she was done and I was thinking it was Halloween, but No, it's all the junk she wasn't supposed to eat when she had her braces on ! tongue.gif
pepper
xposted in the other mama's thread.

Ok, I'm forwarding this to everyone so they don't make the same mistake. These burns were caused by a Magic Eraser sponge. The mom in this case let her kids erase their crayon marks off the walls and never even thought the sponges would have this kind of chemical in them that would cause this kind of burn or even hurt them. Learn from her mistake. Pass this along to anyone who has kids or grandchildren.

The photo is of Kolby - 24 hours after being burned by a Magic Eraser sponge. It was much worse the day before.

Here is the email we received -
One of my five year old's favorite chores around the house is cleaning scuff marks off the walls, doors, and baseboards with either an Easy Eraser pad, or the real deal, a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. I remember reading the box, wond ering what the 'Magic' component was that cleaned crayon off my walls with ease. No ingredients were listed and absolutely no warnings were on the box, other than 'Do not ingest.'

My package of the Scotchbrite Easy Erasers didn't have a warning either; and since my child knew not to eat the sponges and keep them out of reach of his little brother and sister, it was a chore I happily let him do.

If I had known that both brands (and others like them) contain a harmful alkaline or 'base' chemical (opposite of acid on the pH scale) that can burn your skin, I never would have let my little boy handle them. As you can see from the picture, when the Scotchbrite Easy Eraser was rubbed against his face and chin, he received severe chemical burns.

At first, I thought he was being dramatic. I picked him up, put him on the counter top and washed his face with soap and water. He was screaming in pain. I put some lotion on his face - more agony. I had used a Magic Eraser to remove magic marker from my own knuckles a while back and I couldn't understand why he was suddenly in pain. Then, almost immediately, the large, shiny, blistering red marks started to spread across his cheeks and chin.

I quickly searched Google.com for 'Magic Eraser Burn' and turned up several results. I was shocked. These completely innocent looking white foam sponges can burn you?

I called our pediatrician, and of course got sent to voice mail. I hung up and called the hospital and spoke to an emergency room nurse. She told me to call Poison Control. The woman at Poison Control said she was surprised no body had sued these companies yet and walked me through the process of neutralizing the alkaline to stop my son's face from continually burning more every second.


I had already, during my frantic phone calling, tried patting some numbing antibiotic cream on his cheeks, and later some Aloe Vera gel - both resulted in screams of pain. The Poison Control tech had me fill a bathtub with warm water, lay my son into it, cover him with a towel to keep him warm and then use a soft washcloth to rinse his face and chin with cool wate r for a continuous 20 minutes. My son calmed down immediately. He told me how good it felt. I gave him a dose of Tylenol and after the twenty minutes was up, he got dressed in his Emergency Room doctor Halloween costume and off we went to the hospital. They needed to make sure the chemical burn had stopped burning, and examine his face to determine if the burn would need to be debrided (from my fuzzy recollection of hospital work, this means removing loose ti ssue from a burn location). My son was pretty happy at the hospital, they were very nice and called him 'Doctor' and let him examine some of their equipment. The water had successfully stopped the burning and helped soothe a lot of the pain. I'm sure Tylenol was helping too.

They sent us home with more Aloe Vera gel, Polysporin antibiotic cream, and some other numbing creams. By the time we got home, my son was crying again. I tried applying some of the creams but he cried out in pain. Water seemed to be what worked the best.

After a rough night, I took the above photo in the morning. He was swollen and wouldn't move his lips very much. The skin on his cheeks was taut.

Today he is doing much better. The burns have started to scab over, and in place of red, raw, angry, skin we have a deeper red, rough healing layer. I can touch his skin now, without it stinging.

If you are a parent or grandparent, this post is meant to save your loved ones from the horror these parents went through. Please share it with other parents, grandparents, babysitters , aunts and uncles ~ anyone you know who spends time with kids.


(i couldn't attach the pics but they were AWFUL!)
pepper
O.M.G.

little just barfed in his bed and i mean ALL over. his pj's, his pillow, his comforter, his STUFFIES! ack! he's in my bed right now and i'm washing his things so i can make his bed (just made it yesterday!) so i can have room to sleep in mine. i had to shake his sheets outside (pizza for dinner) so of course it is on me now and all i can smell is throw-up.
oh, my poor little pumpkin muffin head. maybe i'll see if i can cram in there between the two of them so i can keep an ear out for more. i'm too tired to stay up through three loads of laundry in my itty, bitty machine anyhow. ugh.
pepper
get outta here, it's a fake? and i trusted the mama who posted it, darn it! my gf told me they burn her hands though so i'll still be careful.

man, am i ever exhausted. hours and hours of puke patrol last night. i look about 50 years old this morning!
moxiegirl
they don't "burn" my hands per se...but the do irritate them, as if i were using most other chemical based cleaners...the "scrubbing bubbles" of the cleaning world type. I suspect the chemicals in the magic eraser are similar to those.

And barf...ewwww. Moxette hacked up some phlem last saturday night, and all her "friends" got a nice bath.
pepper
oh, gross.

he threw up about 5 times, i was up with him until 4 and then dozed until 9, no real sleep. the peanut was awake for a while too (little is screechy when in dismay), we watched cartoons for two hours in the middle of the night.
a queen sized bed is not big enough for three people, even when two of them are small. i want a king sized bed and maude darn it, i'm gonna have one! i'll have to wash the top and bottom sheets separately though, they'll never fit together in those tiny machines i have happy.gif .
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