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girlygirlgag
http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/eraser.asp
pepper
ok, i rechecked, this isn't a hoax. this is a picture of the arm of one of children of a poster at the other mama site i visit, it's not rumor or what-have-you, she is a regular poster there and this is her kid's arm after contact with a magic eraser.

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c85/cubs...aser-burn-2.jpg

does this link work? she said it was burned like that for a month.
pepper
are any of you watching Kid Nation? man, am i EVER proud of those kids. wow.
pepper
ok, i'm turning into my mother. her "sayings' keep leaving my mouth, even the really bad ones. urg.

ketchup mr mustard (he's a slow-poke)
quick like a bunny, hop to it

this one's really, really stupid and i bite my tongue when i feel it coming on;

moron? sounds like he's got more "off" than "on".

*groan*
hypocondriaque
Hello ladies,

It's been a LONG time since I last graced the Bust Lounge, and I am not sure what led me here again... a few moments of quiet to myself?

I am the single mom of a 10 1/2 year old girl. I wondered if there are any other long term single moms of girls/boys this age on the thread? We've been having an awful time lately. Last year, my daughter started slipping into a bad attitude, and it's spiraled into something worse since then. Refusal to help when asked to do chores, refusal to eat what's for dinner, bossiness, insults, unreasonable demands, temper tantrums that become screaming (high pitched) violent (hitting, throwing objects and chasing the dog) episodes. She regularly cries and screams for two hours at a time. I feel like my head is splitting apart, and I am starting to get really depressed...

I was in a relationship with a guy I thought might be the one. He was significantly older than me (50 to my 30.) He was really troubled by my daughter's behavior, so he started spending less time around us. When he was around, he was often critical of my parenting. It started to become really hurtful. I know my daughter, and I have been a really strong and sensitive parent for 10 years on my own. It is amazing to me that so many people without children have opinions and suggestions about how people should parent their kids. He seemed to feel his life experience had taught him enough about people and children to put in his two cents. Our relationship ended a few weeks ago, because he could not agree to stay out of what was happening between my daughter and I. I had been to a therapist, to facilitate family therapy, and she had suggested taking a break from discussions about my daughter's behavior. He couldn't agree to it, and it made him furious that I would ask...

I don't have any doubt in my mind that it was right to end the relationship. It was making things more difficult, and I was already weak with grief over my daughter's behavior, without feeling the strain of my boyfriend's judgements. But since then, I have heard my daughter say outright that I shouldn't have a romantic relationship with anyone. I begin to wonder if she was inadvertently making things difficult, because she resented that I was involved with someone who showed an interest in her wellbeing and behavior? How are you single parents of older children dealing with things like this?

Thanks for listening...
pepper
still on vacay, back soon though! more later...
hypocondriaque
Thanks Blanchedeveraux, I will stick around!

Sorry to hear about your custody situation. I went through that about ten years ago. My daughter's father would often not show. When she was a baby, she probably didn't notice the difference, and I could usually fill the time with more mom and baby fun. But as she got to be a toddler, it was harder. Her father had a new live-in girlfriend who didn't like having my daughter around, so he would often be a no-show, no-call. Since I was in school full time and working 30 hours a week, this posed some serious problems for me, when, at the last minute, I would need to find alternate care. Not to mention, I would have to console a screaming, disappointed toddler who missed her daddy. Eventually, he remarried a single mom, and she welcomed my daughter into her home. Then he joined the Navy, and shipped out. He now sees her about once a year for a week, if we're lucky!

During these ups and downs, we often argued about the custody arrangement, and I remember thinking fairly often that I wished he would just disappear altogether. His being a phone presence only has caused my daughter a lot of pain, which makes her angry. And you can guess, she'll turn that anger on the closest person to her: me.

Hang in there. There are always ups and downs with custody agreements. Some years are good, others are rotten. The most important thing I have learned is to remind my daughter, every day, that I am sticking with her, I am never leaving. She's very secure in that fact. When other friends have had to deal with crazy exes and co-parents, I have often said, "It's important for a kid to have one sane parent. Good thing your kid has you!"



QUOTE(blanchedeveraux @ Jan 8 2008, 06:56 PM) *
Welcome, hypo-
I'm sorry I'm not in a similar situation but I certainly sympathize... Stick around. You'll get a lot of wise advice and have fun with the women here.

That being said, where is everybody??

I've been absent myself, having been putting a lot of time in on the pregnancy thread - woot!
There's some shit happening with Mini, though, that I haven't been able to vent much about. Remember the whole custody battle situation? Well, we "won," and he has had "weekly" hour-long supervised visitation with the Biohazard since October. Unfortunately, she has started canceling and being a no-show at their visits (since November - did you do the math? yeah she only managed one full month). SO... we're right back to the old situation where I get to break bad news to him every week and watch him be disappointed. Eventually if she keeps it up, she's going to lose her right to visitation, which is the only "parental right" she has left. She's definitely back on drugs - this is her typical drug behavior. It seems so wrong, and it hurts so much to see him sad each week, but I do hope this is the beginning of the end. For the sake of her son she ought to just slip of the face of the earth, already!

*whew* sorry I didn't know that would turn into a rant.

How's everybody doing? Did we all make it through the holidays in one piece?

pepper
well, this is interesting. little doesn't want to go to school today because he gets a headache from how loud all the kids are together, especially during lunch. you know, i always wondered how they could take that volume of noise and not be bothered by it, it hurts my ears. now that we're on about kid's toys being loud enough to damage their hearing, i wonder about the sheer decibels on the playground or in the gym. hmmm.

on another note, little has a friend who comes over once a week for a play date. nice kid mostly, kinda mouthy though. his mom seems like a bit of a pushover in the disciple department too. so last week this little pisher got plain beligerent with me on the way to drop him off to his mom, it was unreal! i told him how it is in no uncertain terms, nixed the "you're not my parent" thing from him straight off, and let his mom know what happened. i'm sure he went straight home and told her what a big meanie i am along with his version of the story but no idea what she thinks yet as i haven't had a chance to talk to her about it. their play day is coming up though and i wanted to have a chat with her BUT yesterday grandma picked him up from school and informed me that my little big mouth told both boy and mama that the friend isn't welcome to come over and play! wtf, i've never had to do this kind of damage control before, yikes! i put it off last night but i have to call her and straighten things out today. dang it. *uncomfortable*
SpRiNkLeS
Hi everyone! I know this thread is titled “Busty mom’s of NOT SO WEE ONE’S” but the only other forum is for midewestern mamas and although I’m not from the midwest I decided to check that one out but once I got there I realized kids are not being discussed at all. It’s like about reunions. I am a 23 y.o. mommy of a toddler and I seriously need to rant. I am a walking zombie half the time and I’m sick of wiping shit off my baby’s butt. I’m sick of the tantrums and my place being taken apart piece by piece. NOTHING is safe. I am mostly sick of not being able to be selfish when that is what life is supposed to be about when you are in your early twenties. My whole life is only about my son and sometimes I just want it to be about me!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and lets not forget about the fact that you plan your whole life with this wonderful man because you think he is the one. You both are totally in love and then oooops! SURPRISE! The wee one comes along but you know what that’s ok because we want to grow old together anyways. WELL then after your little bundle of joy comes along the son of bitch fucker cheats on your ass I don’t know how many fucking times and then decides that the whole baby thing is just not for him so he splits and your whole world crumbles and you are left raising a little boy all by yourself not knowing what the hell you are doing.

AHHHHHHHHHHH! That felt oh so better. Wow, writing it out really helps. I think TaeBo is in serious order here though. So is this the room for me or no?
moxiegirl
sprinkles...there is a well hidden thread in the SEX forum...Hip Mama's. I'll repost your post for you there!
SpRiNkLeS
Thankyou Moxiegirl!
pepper
oh, i am a big ole wussy and haven't said a thing yet. granted it's been a very busy week and g-ma has picked him up more than once but... on the play date day i the boy didn't want to come over and none of us talked about it.
i will deal with this soon, really i will. as soon as i find my will power. *avoids confrontation like the plague*.
pepper
ah man, that sucks a bunch.
there's been a lot in the news lately about more and more police officers getting caught in lies and cheating. it's a tragedy when we become socialized to strive for "getting away with it" above pure and simple honesty.
what a drag.

i am not usually such a controversy avoider, i'm just tired and wimpy with this second baby. i don't even feel like going outside this winter at all! i'd rather have cosy time all the time. i'm hybernating emotionally too i guess.
pepper
OMG Best.Video.Ever

cross posted everywhere. pass it on.
pepper
oh, that is the best news! i mean sad too but ultimately good. how's the little man dealing? is he doing alright in school and such? little is behind his class in reading but really it seems that he's making great progress to me. why do they push them all to be exactly the same? i don't like that.
freckleface7
= forgive me mama's for I have not posted in.............. sad.gif


(((((((((((((((((Blanche))))))))))))))) that so Rocks!
I'm so sorry I didn't see your great news till just now but geeze I'm happy for ya!!
- have you told mini yet?
he's going to make a Fantastic Big Brother !!

biohazzard. bleh. I'm so glad of the suspension of visitation, even tho well over a year ago + it seems we were discussing how insane the courts were to not term w/ her and just grant you full custody/no vis to start with as none of this is new and/or Healthy for poor mini.

and now mini's teacher is being a MORON for math?
if the kid Gets It, and he OBVIOUSLY Get's It, let him be!
I always struggled w/ math, but every great now & then a concept, usualy one of the more complex ones at that, would magically make sense to me w/ no explaination why. never lasted and never evolved, but I'd take it for the freak gift that it was.
mini's teacher needs to back off him w/ this and put her focus on helping him develop more in writing.
play to his strong suits, like math Word Problems, maybe have him write out some of what she's insisting he Chart?
just an idea.

pepper: way back when frecklette was small we were told "struggled" in reading (1st grade I think it was so pshhhaw to it anyway) but you know, I've always been a huge believer in kids brains developing in Their Time and ways as opposed to a set pre-determined schedule. (but do I keep her in Public School still? yes. bc I am apparently STOOPID.) let him read what interests him and eventually he'll "catch up."
and for the record: that stoopid AR Reading Program stinks.
puts ridiculous pressure on kids who do struggle, and is limiting to kids who love to read but are reduced down to only "certain books for certain points."
gah. dumb and dumber all around.

frecklette is doing ok.
her grades could (always) be better, but she's growing up!
high school next year now and a bonafide Teenager with another b-day approaching in a few months.
she's going to Washington w/ a youth group in a few months (the first time she'll have gone so far w/out any family w/ her) and the mr & I are actually o k with that.
in fact, we'll probably board the puppy's (we adopted 2 wee puppies about a month ago and our house is totally centric to them & their Constant Needs. - like having non-potty-trained twin toddlers!) & take off for the coast while she's gone. smile.gif

for her b-day, I am encouraging her to want to do this uber cool wind-tunnel thing.
it's one of those Indoor Skydiving places, and one just opened near us last year.
the down side is it's $$$, so we could only let her choose one, Maybe 2 friends to do it w/ her ( & that's if I/her Dad don't do it too) but what do you think?
each year I try to come up w/ original idea's for her special day, and I think this may be the best idea yet, if she's willing.
.. and then maybe we'll drag out that huge tent I insisted we buy for Last Year's party for her.. that the mr still gets mad about, so at least we''ll get more useage out of bc frecklette & I still- don't- camp tongue.gif

((((((((bustymama's)))))))
pepper
i don't know what to tell you about that, there must be some kind of trigger exercise that you can practice to help him remember stuff like that. a "feeling awareness" thing. are you seeing anyone these days? a therapist might have some suggestions for kid awareness exercises. maybe there's a student counsellor at the school that might have some ideas.
it might just be something that he'll grow out of/into/around. huh. boys are weird.

so i had a talk with little the other day, stuff he brought up about god and spirit and death. heavy for a 6 year old, i know. i don't believe in an afterlife so touching on that with him is tricky. my mom is the organist at church so he gets exposed to lots of that and i am very spiritual in my own way which i'm very honest with him about. we talked about reincarnation and such but it's distressing to him that i believe that our consciousness doesn't go on past this life. it was hard to give him a simplified version of it all too but i did tell him that each person is able to choose what they want to believe and that i fully support him in whatever he wants to believe in. i freely admit that i don't Know anything for sure, that no one does. he is afraid to die. how does our culture encourage this attitude? it's a very western thing, this fear of death. i wonder about the subtle and not so subtle influences that he encounters in his life and how i can offset them. a fear of death is such an unhealthy thing imo. it's simply a part of life.
then again, it took me years to come to terms with those ideas myself. perhaps this is just one of those character shaping things that we all have to go through on our own.
pepper
heh, i told him about how buddhists take care not to crush any bugs because you never know, "that might be your grandmother." so i asked him what does he believe? he says he thinks that we come back in another life, as a person or an animal or a bug. it plays into his love of animals and his vegetarianism, it's a good thing for him.

*snort* the rib of a man. oh dude, little kids will believe anything. try explaining the concept of "metaphor" to a 6 year old. le sigh, conformity at it's finest, get 'em young, tell 'em nothing eh?
pepper
US gov't concedes vaccine/autism case.

x-posted in the other mama thread.
pepper
pft, that's a funny quote!

here's a terrific book that i refer to about vaccines.
http://www.amazon.com/Vaccine-Guide-Benefi...s/dp/1556434235
it's written by an MD and has a great rundown of the ingredients, efficiency rates, side effects, and alternatives as well as causes and symptoms of diseases that we typically vaccinate against. a very enlightening read. personally i wouldn't submit to ANY medical proceedure without understanding it as much as is possible (for a layperson), this is no exception for me.
freckleface7
frecklette's 14th is now taken care of.

her best friend who moved 18 mo's ago, is coming down for their week of Spring Break and the mr & I are taking them to see 3 Door's Down in concert.
granted her b-day isn't for another 6 weeks or so, but w/ the price of 4 tix ( I'm insisting the mr go too) and her friend being w/ us for a whole entire week, this is going to be most of it.

and during the week I plan on taking them skating (probably roller, but maybe ice too) and to the mall and the movies (all w/ me trailing like a distant shadow) and set up the giaganto super tent in the backyard & let them have a few other friend's over too.

= whew!=
I am going to be very worn out by the end, but I think it's going to be good too.
this girl is a great influence on frecklette, she's very outgoing and a little goofy and really brings f out of her shell. + she think's I'm cool. laugh.gif

am still debating on wethere to have frecklette vaccinated w/ gardisil or not.
have been leaning towards Not for a long time now, but those commericials are damn convincing.
- any advice from any Busty mama's?

parenting: just so much harder than you realise.
moxiegirl
frek...you two have a GREAT relationship...you should ask her what she thinks.

(lurks back to not having to think about gardisil for 10 more years).

My kid will be 2 in 2 weeks. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
pepper
yikes. also glad i don't have to think about anything like that anytime soon.
by the time puberty rolls around for my sweet princess it will have been decently trialed though, so far i'm pretty sure it ain't.

yeah, no body told me it was gonna be so complicated either. ok, well maybe my mom did but i wasn't listening to her.
freckleface7
moxie-
you know I hadn't actually thought of asking frecklette- doh!
(this is why the mr oft calls me "moto: master of the obvious" laugh.gif )


the concert last night was good.
the mr got sick fri and is still feeling bad, so we ended up getting another friend of the girl's to go, and then she spent the night last night too.
our seats were good, high up, but it was a small venue and I don't think there was a bad seat there period and we were right in the middle w/ perfect view (minus the video-babe head-banger wanna be who was both tall & spastic & kept flicking her hair at me all night ' bill & ted called - they want their moves back' ).

3 Doors Down was a bit of a letdown Live, but that's how it goes sometimes, they sound fantastic on cd or radio but totally different in person. they also played a lot not on their old cd's but new stuff just coming out but the songs the girls did know they sang their little hearts out to.
and then spent the rest of the time gossiping & giggling over boys down the row from them, and a few other boys they all knew from school.

then when it was over, I bought them all t-shirts to mark the occassion & we hit macd's drive thru on our way home.


then this morning, there was some drama, bc the 3rd girl is really religious and wanted my 2 girl's to go to church w/ her ( it is Easter as well) but then her mom didn't have enough room for all of Them + 1 or 2 of Us to ride w/ them, so needed Me to drive them there & pick them up again, when I have a sick mr & 2 puppy's, all of which need constant supervision & care right now, and it ended w/ not even the Friend going & it hurt 3rd girl's feelings and she now thinks *I* don't like her bc I also said she couldn't come back to the house after church but for pete's sake! the poor mr has been staying cooped up to stay Away from 3rd girl (we think Friend has already been exposed to whatever he might have) & isn't this enough?!
but now I feel bad, bc I hate the thought of a young girl w/ hurt feelings at My hands.
frecklette has been both cool/antisocial, hiding out in her room while the 2 other girl's hung out (they were good friends 1st) but I think it's bc she was feeling over-loaded & pressured.
I ran 3rd girl home & explained to her mom, who also seemed upset but hey.

anyway so, I just got a vegetarian lasagna in the oven as a suprise for Friend girl. she's a vegetarian and have been trying to accomodate her so she feels totally welcome & comfortable here.
I made it w/ baby bella mushooms & spinach leaves instead of meat, and then 6 or 7 types of cheese + the cottage cheese too, so I hope it's good? I am just wildly glad right now that she's not Vegan too!
oy vey!

but frecklette seems to be happy & having a good time, and Friend girl is sweet and cool & fits well w/ our dynamic & think (hope-pray) there is no more drama for the duration of her visit.
3rd girl wants her to come over yet but I don't think Friend want to go and we have other plans that are just for the 2 girls. (I'm taking them shopping bc freck is in dire need of new clothes & Friend is good at that sort of thing + has money to spend too.) 2 girls I can handle, but
3?
le sigh.

yes mama's This is what you have to look forward to in time!

=end rant as I dash back downstairs to check dinner=
sybarite
Freckle, as the mister's youngun has been staying with friends all last week I'm expecting her to suggest that said friend comes to stay with us for at least a weekend. Which seems only fair, but... ugh. Unless they hung out and amused themselves, which they may prefer anyway.

I wouldn't be fearful of drama as much as the mister's having to drive them around all weekend. I know: I'm a bad stepmom. It's just (as I think I've said before) there's living with the youngun, who is generally good company and we all get on well, I think we all have a fairly healthy dynamic. And then's there's all the activities swirling around her. Mind you, her dad's been doing the driving, as it's his car, so I have nothing to complain about really. He just gets frustrated and she doesn't always understand she needs to make plans in advance. She's learning though.

Liked your post over in CBC btw, I thought you perfectly summed up the issues that had been brought up, especially in regard to differences between moms and dads' perceived parenting responsibilities. I was wary of thanking you over there though as I feared people would think we were highjacking the thread! tongue.gif
freckleface7
sybarite-
I totally appreciate you saying that. I felt my post at the CBC was way too long & know some of them can get kinda of frustrated by the intrusion so really hope I haven't offended or irritated anyone there, but though I have frecklette, I have a very strong affinity & solidarity for the CbC'ers.

when I was a girl/teen, I remember doing the ' I'll stay at Your house this weekend, then you stay at Mine Next' all the time, so yes, probably you'll be having some company pretty soon! ( & as I recall, we did entertain each other, which now as a parent I see the absolute Beauty of. )

please excuse me for not being able to remember, but is your mr's youngun w/ you full time now?

the driving/scheduling can get old fast. frecklette is a total homebody, so that's generally not a problem for us, but lately, we've just had so much going on & again, I'm trying super hard to make sure her Friend has a really good time here. so far they haven't abused it but the time isn't up yet, lol.

off to check on some of the plethora of human & fur kids yet again~
pollystyrene
*delurks*

Freckle, you so did NOT crash the CBC thread- we really appreciate hearing from sensible parents who can be honest about their issues with kids.

Please feel free to visit any time!

*relurks*
snarky7
sorry to interject. cross posting here - I need all the help I can get!

Busties - I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!

I am having issues with my ex and snarkyboy. First, some background: snarkyboy is just 6, grade K, so smart and so sweet, but has troubles listening, especially at his after-K program. I realize he's only 6, and it's gonna happen. BUT. i recently signed up snarkyboy for soccer. first, his dad (the ex) was not so chipper about my decision to do so (we'd discussed, but he wasn't completely convinced). but the ex made a deal with snarkyboy that a red light (bad juju) at school would mean he couldn't play. harsh to discuss, but keep reading.... so. soccer has not even started yet, but the day came and snarkyboy got a red light for bullying. vamoose. soccer revoked. period. (per the ex)

OMG but can I say how HARSH I think that is? Does anyone agree with me? with my ex? I realize that a deal is a deal and that you need to follow thru on what you are telling your kids, but wow. All I can think of is that snarkyboy will miss all the BENEFITS of soccer: exercise, team building, sportsmanship, learning the rules (and please help him follow them!) - is there anyone that thinks I have a leg to stand on to go to the ex and ask for leniancy? Can I ask if snarkyboy can EARN soccer back with chores or by being better at school or anything?

I'm really at a loss here, busties, and would love any and all feedback about the situation. Be open, be honest. Tell me where I've gone wrong and help me understand. Pretty please?
freckleface7
snarky7,
going just from what you've written here, I actually rather agree with your ex.
if snarkyboy got in trouble at school for bullying, then I Do agree with it. assuming ex & snarkyboy had a full & clear understanding on cause and affect ='s consequences.
6 is right about that age where they start figuring out how to manipulate things, they learn that not always telling the truth sometimes gets them a better outcome, and so yah, it's also a great time for parents to start reinforcing non-negotiable Rules and respect for other's.

sports can be a great way for kids to learn good sportmanship yes, but maybe snarkyboy will learn this here & now and won't miss out next time?

frecklette has lost out on a lot over the years now, (usually based on her grades) and she understands that it's She and not Us who have the power to control or improve that situation.
- has it hurt her? yes, but she knows and will admit that if it's something important to her, she'll work harder. otherwise she just sort of continually blows things off. (le sigh)

we as parents give them tools to learn with.

hope you & your ex can come together on this,
freckle
pepper
i am feeling the reverse, consequences about video games, toys, tv and computer time, friends over, etc. ok fine. but being on a team means a commitment to your teammates no matter what. you don't just blow them off for no good reason IMO. i totally disagree with this as a punishment, it should fit the crime and involving all those other kids is not cool. now, you could say that the season hasn't even started yet but once you sign up i think that it has actually started and that commitment should be taken very seriously. there's my 2cents.

i'm putting little into gymnastics in prep for martial arts. it's a team kind of thing but one that encourages serious self control and discipline, something i think all boys need starting at a young age. a lot of martial arts teachers really emphasize respecting your parents too, total bonus. i think it helps deal with bullying from both sides too. a child has teh confidence not to be a target but the self control not to be intimidating. well, in a perfect world anyhow.
snarky7
thanks, freck and pepper. i know and can agree with both sides...hence my dilemma. i spoke with my counselor yesterday on the phone and will be seeing her tomorrow. she has a lot of family practice background too (parenting coaching, kid counseling, etc), and i'm hoping i can get a good addition to my thoughts. i'm also afraid that not getting him involved now will give his dad (my ex) that power to always put the good stuff out of snarkyboy's reach. the ex is selfish that way. SIGH. i wish there was an easy answer. keep the feedback coming!
freckleface7
snarky-
I really hope you can come to some sort of good resolution you feel comfortable with that is best for snarkyboy. it sounds as if you & the ex are not on the same page as to parenting.. but then, that is sometimes hard to do regardless.
the martial arts thing, as pepper 1st suggested, sounds really good for the situation so maybe it'll be something snarkyboy might be interested in that is realistic?
anyway, good luck talking to your counselor and let us know how/what you decide please?

on a different note: took frecklette for new glasses today.
she has suddently Very Much decided she wants contacts, but I am just as sure she isn't quite ready for them yet. close, but not just yet. but we talked to the eye doc & he (a father of 4) suggested a compromise, that if she can keep her bathroom Contact Lens Clean consistently over the next few months, to bring her back & we'll get her set up w/ them.
fair to both sides.
so, we ended up getting 2 pairs of glasses & we found the Cutest Black Cat Eye retro but still modern frames for her... I literally can't stop looking at her right now & then grin every time I do.
they are sophisticated in a way that is disconcerting in that she's still my BABY.
<dramatic Le Siiiigh>
then on sunday she's getting her hair cut, chin lenght bob w/ layers that will play up her wild & so far untamable curls. (currently her hair is down her back in a tangle of frizz so I think this will be ideal, if not at least cooler for the summer)

my baby.
sniff.
where does the time go? mellow.gif
damona
*peeking in*

hi mamas! i have a computer again! i am so happy to see some of the same people still here!

*waves* i'll be back!
snarky7
hey busties. thanks again for keeping the feedback coming. blanche-i liked your thoughts about positive versus negative reinforcement. i definitely am more on that positive reinforcement side. i think that's why this is tough for me. i might consider martial arts a little later or this summer, i just need to get past this current crisis (my crisis only, how to deal?).

anyway, i went to my counselor today and she had a great idea that i need to tell the ex that he has his way of parenting and i have mine. i'll respect yours, our choices may be different however, and i hope you will respect mine...that sorta thing. i realize it is parenting issue, but i've never had a leg to stand on, per se, with my ex, in anything. i could always be "pushed/coersed/etc" into whatever decision he thought was best. this is a big moment for me to tell him no on this issue..... i'm not sure i can do it. i am going to send him an email about it, so i can write it, read it, re-read it, edit, re-read, etc, until it sounds right and not overbearing or pushy or blaming either party (him or me). this both scares and thrills me. ack! smile.gif anyway, i'm hoping that i can at least get it "out there" that snarkyboy can do soccer on days with me (and as mentioned red light means no soccer that day, if on a practice or game day), and if his dad doesn't want that, then fine. i'll do what i can to give snarky some experience at anything - we're gonna do it!

on a more positive note (i have to brag a little), snarkyboy rode his bike sans training wheels tonight finally! he's always been so reluctant, and i've let him be that way. we broke the "scared" tonight. he did FAB!!!! Hooray! onward and upward...

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
snarky7
I am so frustrated today about snarkyboy. All of this soccer stuff can get swept under the rug (maybe), but OMG can the kid stop getting in trouble any time soon? Of the last 8 school days, he's had 4 red, 3 yellow, and only one green light (green=great, yellow=a little tough, red=super big trouble). I give up! I've tried to offer him rewards for good days, punishment of some fave activities if bad days. But I just feel like I fail as a parent each day I go to get him and he's had a red light. I feel that the teacher thinks I suck and that I am not a good parent. I tried calling his school counselor who won't check him out because the unacceptable behavior is not during the day, but rather at his after-school program. I would get him into other counseling but then there's another situation that his dad (my ex) doesn't agree with - his dad thinks that stuff's not needed.

Can anyone give me some feedback about this situation? Anything work to fix in your experience?

Thanks, Busties!
pepper
his dad has zero say about you taking him to counselling when he's with you. that kind of bogus attitude about seeing someone is garbage. if you feel at your wits end and like you need someone impartial to talk to then Go For It, no consultation with dad is required. you support your parenting as you see fit, it's not up to him.
i went to see someone when little was getting to be a bit much for me at one point and she offered me Excellent strategies that i would never have thought up on my own. having that support was pretty terrific too, just knowing there was someone i could talk to about things. heck, kids don't come with a manual, asking around for advice from people with experience is completely rational and pretty darn smart if you ask me. no parent has all the answers on their own.

good luck.
damona
snarky, you do not need his dads permission to take your kiddo to a therapist. as long as you make the appointments for when your kiddo is with you, he can't complain. i know where you are coming from with the "bad" school days. little z has the same troubles at school. i was getting 2 or 3 calls a week from the principal. after many meetings with teachers, etc, we are down to 1 call every other week or so. is it sad that i consider this a victory?? big d goes to a therapist once a week and it has helped him immensely with his behavior. of course, the fact that we finally got his meds sorted out helps, too.
snarky7
had 2 good weeks in a row! hooray! and snarkyboy will do soccer on days with me - i sucked it up and told his dad. hardest thing ever (for me), but my ex took my comments surprisingly well. i'm sure he cursed my name as soon as he hung up.

small victories!
freckleface7
snarky7-
way to empower yourself and stand up to the jerk!
I often find it much easier to 'go kung fu' on behalf of frecklette than myself; that mama bear instinct just comes roaring out like a power surge on steroids. biggrin.gif
how is soccer/therapy going?

today is frecklette's birthday, and she is now (or as of 6:01 pm tonight will be) firmly enscounced in her Teen Years. = le sigh=

last month while her bff was down visiting, I took her & 2 friends to the 3 Doors Down Concert and that was her 'big' present, but then Sat we celebrated as a family and we got her the digital camera she was madly sweating and went out to eat & hit the bookstore too. the camera though, was/is about her upcoming trip to DC and we would have bought that for her anyway. and now she is a crazed shutterbug, snapping photo's EVERYWHERE and am kicking myself for pointing out the b/w feature on it bc my eyes are starting to strain for the lack of color in every-single-shot-she-takes now. blink.gif

after school (bc she insisted on going even tho I offered to let her skip & take her to the funfunfun place to play games & fart around all day) we're going to get Little Caesar's Crazy Bread & Papa John's cheese stix, and she doesn't know it yet but we're also going to watch '27 Dresses' that I am soonly going to pick up from the video store as it gets released today. ( I told her they won't have it for awhile yet & she's been wanting to see it much.)
the mr is traveling right now, so we'll have a total girl's night, capped off w/ mini chocolate donuts sinse I do not think there is another cake mix in the bowels of my pantry, altho al capone's place might be in there reasonably too wink.gif.
Lady Selena
Hey all!

I am facing a situation that I have not had to face before. My 6 year olds goldfish died she won it at a carnival last year, and has been attached since then. What to do??
damona
wow, i don't know what to tell ya... we've had several small pets die, but the kids never got particularly upset by it. hmmm... maybe just tell her straight out and tell her that she can get another one soon? good luck!
auralpoison
Kids are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for. I think Damona's right, tell the kid the truth & get her another one if she wants it.
Lady Selena
Our dearly departed Nemo was flushed last night. We had a few tears and some happy memories shared. wink.gif Not 10 minutes went by and she was asking when she could get another one. lol I never really feared that we would have complete and total breakdown. Now if some thing would happen to the dog or cat....
pepper
just dropping by to post this... HPV vaccine linked to infertility.
freckleface7
wow pepper- that is really scary stuff!

I had not yet gotten frecklette vaccinated with it.. I was still researching and wavering.. feeling like I'd be a negligent parent if I Didn't, but then not trusting all the "good reports" about it either.
sort of like w/ my decision to Not get the essure permenent birth control done after I already had it scheduled, it is too new and I felt I'd have been a test subject and if I'm not willing to do that to Myself, I'm certainly not going to do that to my girl!

thanks so much for the information on it, I hope you cross-posted it in the Teen Spirit thread as well.

lady Selena- I'm glad the loss of your finned friend wasn't too traumatic for your little one. smile.gif


frecklette's trip to dc is coming up and she gets to go to the white house & the capitol and the museum of natural history (yawn), but Not the holocaust museum and we're both seriously disappointed.
altho they get to lay a wreath at Washington's grave I believe AND--- they get to raise a flag at the Capitol for ' The Flag's Journey of Rememberence' a really cool ceremony that I will post a link to bc I forgot all it's about, but it's really neat and Her Group gets to raise it, which is a really big deal.

getting a little more nervous about her going the closer it gets, but we're all still really excited for her too, her first trip on her own. - where does the time go? huh.gif
moxiegirl
blanche- some kids are just learn-by-doers. It sucks on parents, sure...but i've seen more of the learn by do-ers become genuinely resonsible adults than us "learn by readers" types.

I'm glad i have 9 years to see how the vaccine works itself out. Our pediatrician is great, and i've come to trust his judgement highly.
pepper
blanche, how come you were considering the vaccine? just curious, it's not effective if you have already been exposed and as far as i know you and hub are exclusive.

yes, many years to see the results of this "in the field" testing. at least they have stopped advertising it so aggressively since this research has come out. i've gotten pretty sick of hearing it called the "cervical cancer" vaccine. that's just a bit misleading, how do they even get away with that?

gah, this packing and moving business really bites. little is childminding for me upstairs in my room at the mo'. i'm in the basement hefting boxes up the stairs. do i ever love this, oh yeah dry.gif .
pepper
O.M.G. now that's disturbing. imagine how many women trusted her and said yes to that. wow.
Lady Selena
My Darlin and I had talked about if we would get our daughters vaccinated when the time came. I am so glad that this information is coming out before we had to make that decision. I struggled with getting pregnant the second time it took such a toll on us. I can't imagine how they would feel if they wanted kids and could not have them.
snarky7
hey all - been a bit since my last post here. just lurking awhile. some serious stuff there with the vaccine - makes one want to not follow the "norm" and never vaccine your kids, but only to think of ALL the bad stuff without them too! Sigh.

An update on snarkyboy (and cuz i'm needing to release a little again) - i decided against therapy yet. tho am regretting that more and more. after nearly 5 months being pretty good on potty stuff, we have had a bit of a backslide again. is it boys? is it him? is it something caused by being at his dads? (sorry but i think the worst things) is it something i do to him? something i don't do for him? UGH UGH UGH UGHish! he'll go for a few days doing really well, then dirty shorts at school - the worst is he doesn't tell his teacher. even tho we've told him a hundred times that he won't get in trouble if he does. school has discovered more than once and has threatened to kick snarkyboy out. i cannot handle that.
anyway, does anyone have any suggestions? the pediatrician suggested today a physical therapist? huh? what? i don't understand how that will help. and i don't want to have them do something weird. looking for anything, thanks.

on the positive side, we are actually near the end of soccer season. how can that have happened? snarkyboy got to enjoy about half of the season (what there was when the weather wasn't snow or pouring rain) and he does really really well. hoping to sign up for fall soccer too.

hoping everyone else is handling their not-so-wees....
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