Damona, reading your post, I was struck by the idea that there are two things going on: how you feel about your sexuality and how your guys respond to you. They overlap for sure, but they're not the same thing.
I can understand why you doubt that being highly sexual is a good thing, given past and current responses (those 'normal woman' comments can be thrown out of the window IMO) but it is something to be celebrated. 'Too much to handle' often means too much for them to handle, so you can dismiss what sounds like bullshit. It sounds like both guys, current situation notwithstanding, have revelled in your sexuality. It's a great thing, something to feel good about.
You do sound like you're very invested in how both guys respond to you, and take it as a reflection on you/your sexuality when they choose not to have sex with you, which then makes your self-esteem go way down. I went through this years ago, where I was way more interested in sex than my guy, and I was alternately hurt and frustrated by his lack of response, so I know to an extent how you feel--but I also learned that linking how I felt about myself to how badly my guy wanted me made me too vulnerable and gave him too much power. I mean, we're all human; of course we take someone saying no personally--especially if you've put yourself out there. I guess I'm just trying to say that it's not a judgement about you, or it doesn't sound that way.
Saying that, it also sounds, like ketto indicated, that they've both gotten into patterns of taking you for granted, and I agree with her that your Mr talking like this about other women is problematic--especially if he's not that into sex overall! But it also sounds like when do you have sex with him you're really connected. It is great you can talk to the Boy openly too. If he's having health issues that are getting in the way of you two having sex, he may feel more self-conscious than he wants to let on about them, especially if he's a bit of a young'un.
I don't have any answers, really, just my thoughts on what you wrote. Keep posting about this if it helps (((damona)))