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Bekanator
When I lost my virginity with my boyfriend, we pretty much knew what we were doing. It was missionary, and it just felt very lame. There was nothing to it. Thankfully, I knew from talking with some of my friends that the first time would garner some "THAT WAS IT?!" reactions. Eventually it got better, after we got a bit more experienced and a bit more creative.

And boy, isn't sex great?
starkitty
Rats. Back to square one. Well, if all else fails then when I visit him at college I'll just jump him in the morning when he's all groggy and such. Hahaha. I've never experienced this side of myself before, so at least that's interesting.

Well, I'm sure all of your help will be very useful once we get back to that point. rolleyes.gif
edie52
I lost my virginity when I was 15 (well, almost 16!) and I didn't have good sex until I was about 19 (a few years ago). Though I'm sure it doesn't take that long for everyone...

I'm having probably the best sex of my life with my boyfriend now. It makes sense, as we probably get better at it over the years, and also less inhibited. I'm having orgasms during intercourse for the first time ever! The first time I thought it was a fluke and didn't expect it to happen again, but it's happened a few times since then (not every time, but I'm still psyched). It's almost like my body had to learn how to do it, and I also had to learn that it feels different than when I'm masturbating and rubbing my clit super-hard (though when I orgasm during sex, there is some clit contact, as well as really deep thrusting, and man does he have an excellent penis). Yup.

*hoping I'm not jinxing the good sex by bragging!*
candycane_girl
Okay, I wasn't sure if I should post in here or one of the Our Bodies threads but here goes.

I'm on birth control and always use condoms but here's the deal. I'm on a pill called Minocin (for my skin) which can decrease the effectiveness of birth control. Anyway, I was having one last fuck with my fuckbuddy and the condom came off inside me. What do you gals think the chances are of me being pregnant? I should be getting my period any day now but I haven't been getting the usual pre-period signs so I'm a bit nervous.
shinyx3
candy, there is a pretty good posibility that you are just nervous and over analysing everything your about your body. altough there is a chance you may be pregnant it should be reduced by the birth control that you are on even if it is made weaker by the minocin.

keep us posted.
candycane_girl
Yep, I'm definitely paranoid. I got my period today, yay! I just don't understand this condom slipping off business. This never used to happen to me! I mean, we didn't even use lube, and the guy is fairly well endowed so I don't know why it just slipped off.
dayglowpink
That's happened to me once with a guy who had a big dick also. I have no idea how it happened, but it was funny, because we didn't realize it until it was over, but we both said something like, yeah that was feeling really good, and then it started feeling REALLY good. Damn, I hate condoms. It's nice to have my iud and be in a condom-free relationship for the time being.
candycane_girl
I've honestly never noticed a big difference once it slips off, it's always the guy who notices. The first time one slipped off in me was just last year and it was with a guy who was so big that he needed those Magnum condoms. Later on we had run out of those so I tried to get him into a regular condom and it just looked too tight and painful.
midoggirl
Hi, I'm new here and still finding my way around. I was wondering if you ladies could give me some tips about handling a situation I've never encountered in my 16 years of sexual activity. I recently met and started having sex with the man of my dreams. I simply adore this guy, in every way. He's in his early 30s like me, but unlike me, he hasn't had much sexual experience. He also said he didn't really start masturbating till he was in his mid-20s because he found it difficult to come.

I love all the cuddling and touching we do, but it doesn't seem to have much of an effect on his erections. There have been a couple of times making out pretty heavily when I thought he must be rock-hard and when I touched him, he was barely erect. Sometimes he does get a real erection, but he seems to lose it very quickly, especially if we attempt any kind of penetration.

I'm not quite sure what's going on here, and I try not to make a big deal out of it, figuring that that certainly won't help matters. I've more or less stopped trying to take the lead when it comes to actual intercourse, so that he doesn't feel any pressure. He clearly enjoys all the stuff we do do, but he rarely comes from any kind of manual or oral stimulation. Does this sound like something that needs to be checked out by a doctor? Do you have any other ideas of what I can do to make things easier/better for him? Should we stop making out all the time in order to let things built up a bit for him?

I really care about this guy, and want to be with him for a long time, but I can't figure this one out. I guess I've always been fairly in charge of my sexual desires and activity since I started, and don't know how someone can explicitly learn this kind of stuff.

Thanks!
Catherine
culturehandy
Hi Midoggirl, welcome to the lounge!

Every man is different, and some men take longer to turn on them women. With that said, I am curious if he is on any medications which may prevent him from getting an erection quickly. I know my ex could maintain an erection, but sometimes he just couldn't have an orgasm as he would go numb. This was caused by anti-deppresants.

Can your partner orgasm from actual intercourse? If he can I'd not be concerned that there was a physical condition which prevents him from having an orgams from manual or oral stimulation. It could be pstchological in nature, or perhaps he just can't. I've been with some men who couldn't cum from oral sex. It happens to some men.

If you are to bring this up, I'd do it outside the bedroom, as bringing up sexual issues in the bedroom is a terrible idea, the results would be disasterous.

I would just work through it, stopping the activity, at least in my opinion, probably wouldn't make him feel very good. .

I'm sure some of the other BUSTies can offer further advice!

Good Luck!
dani837
QUOTE(culturehandy @ Aug 15 2007, 12:22 PM) *
This was caused by anti-deppresants.



I was thinking that! Maybe he's on medication? or maybe he's one of those guys who arent just that sexual
missclaire
hi all!
first off, i am new to the bust forum, although i've enjoyed the magazine on and off for a while. anyway, it's nice to be here!

second: i'm not sure if this is the correct thread, but i figure if it isn't, someone will point me in the right direction. i have a pretty straightforward question, but here's the background: i've been dating a guy for about seven months- it's the first serious relationship for us both (we're 19) and while we haven't had too much sex (slow start/didn't see each other much over the summer), i decided that i wanted to look into birth control (i'm leaning towards the nuvaring). the boy and i are both kind of naturally quiet people, and being vocal about sex isn't exactly our forte (i'm working on that..), so i wasn't sure how to bring up the issue of BC. i ended up just saying "oh hey i'm probably going to start birth control" one day in the car- he asked me if i was okay with it, and i said yes and that was that. but, now i feel like i should have maybe given him more input in the situation.

i guess my question is something like this: is this a "my body, my decision" type-scenario, or is this something that we should discuss as a couple?
i think deep-down i'm worried that we're not communicating well, but i don't really know anyone who has been in this situation, so i thought i'd put it out there.
thanks!
Mr Pugs
Set aside some time and talk with him about it. I personally don't like the my body/my decision stance (even though it ultimately is), you are in a relationship you should at least try to include him in relationship decisions. That's just my stance. Ask him the questions you want answered. If he's too shy to talk about it, he shouldn't be doing it. Don't assume guys know anything about birth control other than the banana/condom demonstration in sex-ed. All types of birth control pills and what-not have side effects which he (or you) might not know about. It also doesn't protect you from STDs. I know you are both young but you said you guys aren't too vocal about sex, but just because it's your first serious relationship, doesn't mean you guys haven't had sex before.

I'll climb off my soap-box now,
Mr. Pugs
pepper
ahem, what about condoms? the mom in me is cringing at the nuvaring option. not that it's not viable i just wonder (and worry) about young peeps forgoing condoms.
would you consider bringing him along to a safe sex clinic? i think that's a great way to get talking about sex in general. it's a good thing to do as a couple.
missclaire

mr pugs: thanks for the input! i haven't actually gone to the gyno yet, so i still have time to discuss it with him in more depth. i do think that he's not really sure what the whole hormonal-birth-control thing is about, and i want to answer any questions that he has about side effects and whatnot. i think that i tend to overestimate his shyness, and that if i bring up the topic in a hey-what-do-you-think kind of way, he'd be open to talking about it.

pepper- thanks as well- i don't really have anything against condoms, and neither does he (as far as i know), but for my own peace of mind i would like to try something a little more effective. however, having said that- if we decide to use BC and it makes me crazy/unhappy, i would not hesitate to go off it, and use condoms again. i'm not married to the idea of hormonal BC (far from it), and i know that the side effects might not be worth it.
LoveMyPugs
I have to agree with Mr. Pug on this one. I think if you are in a relationship birth control should be discussed and all the details that go along with it. Mr. Pug and I always talk about stuff like that. Even when I decided to switch to lunapads and stop using disposable tampons and pads we talked about it. I think there are a lot of women who think that these decisions are for the girl to make and the guy has no say. This is technically right but it's nice to start communicating early by being open and upfront from the start about everything. That's just my opinion.

pepper - I agree. Mr. Pug and I used condoms until we knew each other well. First we were very young so we didn't have sex until we were together for almost six months then we started off with condoms. Later on I went on birth control and we discussed all that went with that. Young couples should wear condoms. Especially if you just started having sex. You really don't know each other well enough to be going oh natural with each other in my opinion. However, I'm kinda paranoid about stuff like that myself so...I stressed the issue of condoms with my little sister and her boyfriend. Condoms, condoms, condoms. Very important in the beginning. STDs are real and scary in my opinion.
pepper
i think a back up (nuvaring, whatever) is ok so long as condoms are Also being used. hormonal birth control doesn't protect you from std's at all. unfortunately there are so many std's that can't be tested for so you never know if you're gonna get one or pass one along without that small latex barrier between you. nothing like the burden of herpes from a relationship that only lasted long enough to catch it eh?
stargazer
missclaire, welcome to the lounge! i hope you visit the bc thread in the our bodies our selves section. you might get more responses.

that being said...the today sponge is a great OTC option. you can go into your local drug store and buy 'em. it is a barrier method and you have to be comfortable with using your fingers for insertion. i've had no problems with it.

the above makes me think of the episode of roseanne when they were discussing birth control options for becky. and jackie tells her that the sponge/condom combo is fort knox protection at a price you can afford. laugh.gif

tyger
it's something you should talk to your boyfriend about, but it's entirely your decision to make, because it is your body. it's good to know his stance on it (is he for it or against it or indifferent and why). don't go without condoms until you're both sure you're both std-free or whatever.

when the boything and i started having sex we talked about it, and our decision was to use condoms. Actually, i decided i didn't want to put synthetic hormones into my body, so if he wanted to get any tail his penis was to be firmly sheathed in latex, and he wouldn't have sex without condoms even if i were on BC. Just remember, you should discuss it with him and take his views/concerns/opinions into account, but the final decision will always remain with you, because it's your body and nobody can tell you what to do with it.
shinyx3
missclair, welcome to bust. i am pretty much in agreement with the other advice, particularly pepper's advice. and on that note, you may want to check out the std thread.
zoya
missclaire -

I think everyone has given great advice... I just wanted to add that having a matter-of-fact conversation with your partner about birth control is a totally normal, adult thing. You're 19, and when I was 18 - 19 (hell, into my early 20's) I too, was kind of shy about bringing that stuff up, and having an actual conversation with my partner about it. But just so you know, people talk about that stuff all the time.

Now that I'm in my 30's, I have had that conversation a bunch of times with guys, and as they get older, they're more frank about it too. It's kinda weird and akward the first couple times you have it, but honestly, it's nothing out of the ordinary. I think I can probably speak for all of us here when you asked if anyone had had that kind of conversation before when I say that we've probably all had it at one point in time.

That said, it is ultimately up to you what you use as it's your body - but I'd strongly suggest (as the other people here have) that you use some kind of bc that helps prevent std's.

pepper
natural lubricant?

this guy's cool anyhow.
mouse
christ on a crutch i need to get laid.

....just thought i'd put that out to the internet. what happened to the "frustration" thread anyways?
shutterbug
Hi, I'm not exactly new here, but it's been a long time since I posted, and my old login (Zahia1996) seems to have disappeared from the system. I don't mean to interrupt the thread, but I was wondering if anyone could point me in the direction of a topic. Are there any threads/posts dealing with lower sex drive in your partner? I don't want to waste anyone's time asking for your advice if this has already been covered ad nauseum somewhere else smile.gif Thanks!
starkitty
Hi ladies!

I just wanted to thank you for all your advice awhile back (if anyone remembers, I was attempting to have sex for the first time, and having some difficulties), and report my success, lol. Yay. smile.gif
candycane_girl
pepper, that lube sounds interesting. Personally I like to use O My and they say it's made with hemp seed oil.

starkitty, congrats!


shutterbug, as far as I know no such thread exists so I'm sure you could just ask in here.
suzukibeane
Is there a "He/she did WHAT during sex?" section? I have one and I have to share and see if this is some new phenom since I got married and recently divorced...
zoya
suzuki - I think that this thread would be the best place to share - we typically don't like adding too many threads, since it takes up bandwidth and makes the lounge a bit harder to navigate. I don't know that there would be enough activity to make a thread all it's own - I'd say share here, and if the discussion warrants, we can bring up starting a new thread for it!
pepper
there's the 'say WHAT?' thread.

and, of course, boys are dumb.
culturehandy
Candycane, I'm with you on the O My. It's a great lube!

I like the idea of a say what sex thread! I know we already have the say what thread, one dedicated purely to sexual mishaps would be fun. IMHO.
zoya
there used to be one for funny sex stories and the like... but I think that was before the big changeover to this software, when a bunch of the archives got eaten, because I can't find it anywhere.

I think that a separate one here in the sex thread would be good, because the "say what" thread is more about idiotic things that dates have told us, whereas the one in the sex threads I think could be for funny stuff (like farting during sex, oh lord I slept with a guy once who had the worst gas, I wanted to die) or like suzuki mentioned, if a guy (or girl) does something in bed that you weren't used to - asking if anyone else has had that experience... etc.

so I"m down for it. (heh) I'll bring it up in the community forum...
edie52
Yup. I'd be there too.
vermilionkiss
found out i have an internet stalker.... deleting all my posts.... : )
Mr Pugs
Holy shit vermillion....after I read your post, I think that sex should be a little lower on the list. It's a shame you can't afford counselling. LoveMyPugs and I believe that sex is the true indicator of how healthy your relationship is. I think you need to do a little soul searching and see if you still want to be with him. I couldn't even think about doing even one of those things to my fiance, let alone all of them. Strip clubs, eh, maybe once in a while, but I've only gone when it's a special occasion (my 21st, bachelor parties etc.), but a whorehouse?!? I'm not sure about all the shorthand on this site, but I take it he's your husband? What about the vows you took? Don't let him tell you that he needs this for his sexual health, there are other ways to take care of it besides going to a whorehouse. The shutting you down for porn thing says that you wanted sex but he preferred to take matters into his own hands says he's on the same page (maybe subconsiously) about your relationship health. And the whole friend thing? WTF? I don't even know what I'd do about that! I'm sure an ultimatium would have come up one way or another.

To sum up my what the hell rant,
You guys need to work on your relationship (either fixing it, or ending it) before you worry about sex. The sex will come naturally when you feel safe, loved, and can trust him again. I think what you are going through is very unhealthy for you and again, would suggest counselling if you want to stick it out with him. (Maybe he could pay for it with his stripclub/whorehouse money)

Mr. Pugs
shinyx3
omg, vermillion! drugged by his friend? there seems to be a huge lack of respect here. none of that is what i would equate with love. i think you may want to seriously look at your relationship and determine if it is one that you want to be in. if so . . . lots of hard work! if not . . . get out.

that may sound harsh and i am sorry for that but i just can not fathom the things he done.

good luck.
vermilionkiss
sorry... deleted
smarttart
Hi All,
I posted about this a few months ago in the relationship thread, but I think I'm still not sure what to do. And I think I have a little more clarification in my head now.
I've been dating this guy for about 4 months now. And everything is wonderful, he's the perfect guy for me- everything that I want, we get along perfectly.... EXCEPT...I just am not sure that I enjoy kissing him. Kissing him doesn't really turn me on- it's just sort of awkward and messy. I am usually all about sex, and now, I feel I have to force myself. We've talked about it, I've tried teaching him what I like. But, it's still just "all-right". When we do have sex it is good. I think that I just can't get over the kissing. When we talked we decided to wait it out and see if things change, since we both don't want to give up this amazing relationship, but I catch myself looking at other guys all the time now and thinking that I'd love to feel excited with someone again!!! And that makes me feel guilty! Should I give it more time or just be friends?
shinyx3
oh, smarttart, IMO you had better just be friends, but only if he can do that with out getting hurt. if there is no spark and you are already looking at other guys i think the posibility that someone is goig to be hurt here is pretty high. maybe you can continue the relationship as friends and it will still be great.
smarttart
thanks ShinyX3,
I'm going to take some time to think about this whole thing again.
I'm trying to listen to how I REALLY feel- not what I think I need.
It's so hard for me to believe that I'm not attracted to him because I think he's totally
adorable, but kissing him.....just not diggin' it.
littlemartha
Hey ladies,

quick question! I was talking to a friend about masturbation and I ever since I was little I've rocked myself against a chair/pillow (something hard) to orgasm. My friend thought that having so much direct (hard) pressure on my clit in my younger years would desensitize me.

I can't cum during sex at all and it's difficult for me to get clit stimulation unless I mastirbate in this way! I'm a little freaked out and hoping I didn't irreversibly damage myself as a kid!

What do you guys think? Is this possible or am I just paranoid?

Thanks for the advice, it's appreciated!
candycane_girl
Personally I tend to require a lot of pressure on my clit compared to what most women seem to need. But everyone is different. Some people are supersensitive while others need a lot of stimulation.

I've heard that the only thing that can truly desensitize a clit is a piercing so I wouldn't worry about it.
p_176
most women need clitoral stimulation during sex, in addition to the penis thrusting. you're normal!
- p_176
edie52
Littlemartha, have you tried doing it with him sitting or kind of kneeling, you straddling? Because I also need lots of pressure to come, and that's my favorite position... although I have come in missionary or normal me-on-top, too. You can rub your clit against him as though it's the chair or pillow you described, and at the same time get really deep penetration.

I think you're normal, all women are different. I sympathize with you. Certainly we can become conditioned to certain types of stimulation. I have to masturbate in this really specific way, and now I can't even get off from oral as easily as I used to. It's kind of backwards- when I was 16 I could come all night from oral, and now it's maybe once if I'm lucky. But sex itself has gotten way better.
littlemartha
Thanks for all your replies!

I have tried a lot of different positions and can get pleasure from sex. I was just wondering if it is possible to desensitize your clit from too much hard pressure. I'll just keep working on it : ) and stay away from clit piercings!
culturehandy
In terms of clit piercings, you have to be very careful. The hood is a whole different story. Desensitizing your clit is a myth.
bunnyb
Does anyone else cry immediately after sex sometimes? Really good sex, intense orgasm on both sides, BAM! eyes flooding even if I'm smiling and saying "I love you". wtf?
smarttart
I've cried a couple times after sex, because it was just so intense, so emotional.
For me, It's usually when I feel really connected to someone. I think it's just an emotional release.
zoya
I totally have cried after sex - same thing, when it's super emotional and deep. I think that there is just so much going on emotionally and hormonally and in the nervous system at that point - everything is so heightened that emotions get jumbled and the tears come when you're not sad at all.
culturehandy
I third that, I've cried after sex. I hide it well, I didn't want the man to think that the sex was so horrible that he made me weep

Sometimes the orgasm(s) were just so intense, that it was a complete physical and emotional release.
p_176
i'm the opposite - when it's all deep and intense, i get giggly/giddy :-P
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