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periander
Ok so I need help asap. I have a boy coming over tonight for some well deserved (on my part) portions. My problem is that he does like to try and rub my clitoris like hes buffing floorboards or something. Now I tend to be a very blunt person but I don't want to hurt his feeling by just blurting out "what the hell do you think your doing". What do you thing is a nice and subtle way of getting him to be a bit more gentle with my bits.
pepper
give him a visual demonstration.
boblink
Periander

Having been there I can give you the straight scoop. He's doing what he'd want you to do for him until he learns better -- hard and fast. Pepper's suggestion for a visual demo is as good as it gets.

You might, also, explain that you and he have the same number of nerve endings, but yours are jammed into a tiny space compared to his. Consequently your sensitivity is much, much greater than his.

Presented as helpful info, rather than critical complaint, chances are it'll motivate him to want to "do it right."

Show him how to dive off the springboard and he'll practice until he gets it right. Show him how to hit a golf ball off the tee and he'll practice hitting it straight down the middle until he learns to do it well.

Have fun.

erinjane
periander, when that has happened to me I usually just hold their hand and say something like, it feels a lot better when you use less pressure. I don't think its too blunt.
periander
He canceled at the last min so I guess that was a lot of worry for nothing.
Oh well, I will just move my butt to the frustration thread ;).
indiechick
hi y'all,

as you might remember, i am new to the whole sex thing (and loving it by the way), and i actually do have another question.

we finally managed to get me on top but (isn't there always a "but"?) it seems that my legs are too short to move while being on top. if i place my knees next to my boyfriend's hips, i can't really move up and down since my boyfriend will slip out. is there any way to cure this?

thanks.
raskel
I'm short too, indie. I find it's usually best when I'm on top if we're in a place where I can get a foot on the floor. Sometimes he'll do some lifting if I'm having trouble moving. Practice really does make perfect in this case.
voodoo_princess
indie - start out standing and put your feet FLAT on each side of your fella (on the bed, the floor, where ever you are). What you want to do is figure out where your feet need to be in relation to his body to make it possible for you to SQUAT and have your vagina positioned over his erect penis. You're feet will remain flat on the bed on each side of your fella and you will use this position to leverage yourself up and down on his penis. Kind of like doing squats but don't come up very far. To help balance yourself and keep your legs from hurting (because they are holding ALL your weight) lean slightly forward and lightly place hands on your fellas pecs (chest). This is ONLY for balance, do not put all your weight because you want most of your weight on your legs which should be, by now, being used to move your butt and in turn, your vagina, up and down. Have I totally confused you yet? I'm sorry, this is hard to explain without showing you. Just imagine standing up and then squatting all the way down until your butt bumps the floor and leaning forward slightly for balance, then bouncing your butt. NOW imagine it naked, with your fella under you and his penis inside you. This way your upper thigh / legs are doing all the work, to move your butt up and down, and it doesn't matter how tall or short you are because you are not straddling him in the "conventional way" (you won't be sitting on him, it's more like hovering OVER him ) and gives you more "free" leg to work with.
raskel
i've tried squatting over mr. raskel, but our beds super squishy and it still doesnt work very well.
voodoo_princess
oh, that's no good.... i have short legs despite being 5'7" / 5'8" and the "squat" works well for me, and also the fact that Mr. is kind of slim. we have a queen mattress topped with a queen futon mattress, so it's not too squishy and close to the floor (no frame) so there is resistance.
well, how 'bout reverse cowgirl? would that work any better?
raskel
yea, that does work a little better. we've tried many ways with me on top. and really, the best as far as my being able to move are just if he has his hands on my hips/bottom and helps me out a little with the moving (I do think this might require a man with somewhat muscly arms tho) or if i can get a foot on the floor, like if we are on the couch, for example.
_octinoxate
I find that woman-on-top works better for me if the guy raises his knees instead of leaving his legs lying flat on the bed. With his knees up, I can lean forward with my hands on either side of his head and do more of a back-and-forth rocking motion (pushing back hard and fast until my bum hits his thighs, and then sliding forward... repeat) instead of an up-and-down motion.

It feels better for me, and from what I've heard, for him as well.
indiechick
thanks everyone. i made indiecock (maybe i should be looking for a better name...) read your suggestions and will be trying lots of them. :-) unfortunately, my leg muscles are close to nonexistent, so i don't know how long i will last.
maimy
I cannot IMAGINE a better name ... Hee.
indiechick
danke, maimy!
crazyoldcatlady
(not sure which thread this goes in...)

scenario:
new guy, 3 dates
intimate on date 2
erect when kissing, not erect when naked, said he was "nervous"--ok, i'll buy that
intimate on date 3
erect when kissing, not when naked, no mention of reasons behind flaccidity.

now, i got out of a 2.5 year relationship about 6 mo. ago, and i never had a problem in the bedroom. i'd like to think that i'm not rusty, that i'm ggg, but wtf?

i'm attracted to him, but i don't know him well enough to totally call him out on this. i can't help but think i'm doing something wrong even though i've never had this happen to me with other lovas....

sigh.
boblink
Catlady

You're OK; he's not OK. It appears that your only problem is him.

Suggestion: Get in bed and snuggle, kiss and play without pressure to perform. Chances are he'll pop right up ready to rumble. Keep him wanting a little more than he's getting until you're reasonably sure he's ready.

If that doesn't work you probably need a new man.

Good luck and good loving.



obelix
Catlady-
My current guy has the same problem. Luckily, we were able to have a long talk about it. He's nervous, and he probably has performance anxiety. I agree with the idea of kissing and snuggling without the pressure to perform. Other than that, all I can suggest is talking about it and letting him know that you're supportive and you enjoy all the stuff that you have been doing.

My gripe: The new guy's come is so dag-nasty. He tastes like he's perpetually dehydrated. But I love giving head, and I love even more how much he seems to enjoy it. I'll head over to the oral sex thread, but I don't have the guts to tell him yet, so I can't work on changing his diet or making him drink more. Just wanted to vent.
maddy29
What is come supposed to taste like? lol, but really? I don't know. My dudes is just very salty tasting, like hot salt soup. TMI, sorry. How do you get it to taste better?


catlady-definitely agree with the other posters. Probably he's just nervous/excited and it's putting some pressure on. It might just take him some time to relax enough or whatever.
obelix
Don't worry, maddy, I don't think there's such a thing as TMI in the sex threads. It sounds like your guy tastes like most guys. My guy isn't salty. He's mostly bitter and really strong. Guys can change the way their come tastes by staying really hydrated and avoiding alcohol. It also depends on what they eat, but I'd have to look it up to have examples.

But I do know that consuming mass quantities of fenugreek can make it taste like maple syrup. Maybe I'll start slipping it into his oj pitcher.
kungpaoketchup
about the fenugreek-- it doesn't really take mass quantities in my experience. A strong cup of fenugreek tea (which is easily obtainable at a health food store) a day really does make you smell and also taste like maple. Sadly, the tea doesn't taste like maple going down the first time. It's tasty, but doesn't taste like maple.
raskel
mr. raskel doesn't taste like much. but he eats a diet of steamed vegetables, whole grain brown rice, fruit and chicken, and drinks TONS of water. so there's not much in his system to make it taste or smell weird.
angelle321
isn't pineapple also supposed to have a positive influence on flavor? or just pineapple juice maybe it was? Supposed to make it taste sweeter.
opheliathemuse
mmmm. pineapple kicks arse! strawberries too.
indiechick
since i got maimy's okay to hog this thread, i actually have another question.

how do you make the spooning kind of sex work? my boyfriend's penis is of average length but whatever we try when we lay my-back-to-his-front, we can't make it work. there must be ways, right?

maimy, where are you? :-)
obelix
Indie- try leaning forward more. Sort of like you're having sex standing up with you bent over, but you're both on your sides. He should be able to get better penetration that way. Then you can bring your back up to his chest once it's working.

And my favorite: he's on his side, I'm on my back in front of him. I throw one leg over his waist. Tah-dah! Penetration, and he can diddle me at the same time! It's not quite as romantic as spooning, but we can look at each other.
pepper
pineapple really does make a difference. did i tell you guys about the dude i fooled around with who drank so much espresso that his junk tasted like coffee? and not in such a good way either, bitter and nasty more like it. eww.

i second the leaning forward for indie. it's good if he holds a hand against you back sort of pushing you forward and the other hand on a hip pulling you in. very sexy.
venusindisguise
I debated putting this in the frustration thread...but I don't just want to vent- I want help. I am in a casual relationship with a very nice man. It is pretty much a "friend's with benefits" type thing.
It seems like the benefit part of this relation is becoming less frequent...or rather it has stayed constant but we hang out more. The time frequency is off. I'm starting to feel guilty over my high sex drive- there are some contributing factors. He is older than I am and he has a bad back (3 fractures) that often interferes. Either his back is in a lot of pain and he has just found a spot that hurts less than other spots or he has taken his meds which tend to make his stomach upset.
He turns me on so much that I want to jump him all the time. He feels bad for denying me, I catch myself looking pouty and then we both feel a lil shitty. I get so frustrated...in my head I'm going "you can just lay there just let me get on top!" or "does your hand hurt?".
I think even w/o the bad back it'd still be a bit of a problem. I don't know how to not be such a horndog. I know it is super silly...but each time we don't have sex when I've wanted to I feel rejected. Stupid, but I can't help it.
raskel
I do that with Mr. Raskel. He works doing manual labor in the summer and is up at 4:30 in the am 5 days a week to shovel rock. And when he's tired or sore, I'll sometimes get all pouty and then I end up feeling guilty when he's like "okay let's have sex."
maimy
Indie, sorry! I haven't been on in several days.

Pepper's push/pull with the hands has always been the way it worked for me, often combined with a leg thrown over him backward at least for a few beats at a time.

Sadly, no useful advice on the sex drive differential. I haven't had that problem since the guy I dated at thirty (my problem is 4,000 miles between me and sex! argh!), and we never did solve the thing. I did learn, though, that asking his friends what could possibly be so bad about fucking me wasn't the best therapy ... (I also learned quite a while later he thought the sex *was* actually incredible. That was nice to hear, though we didn't get to act on it.)
venusindisguise
Ugh. The guilt is nipping at my heels. The sex is usually amazing when we do get around to it, he is my 3rd sexual partner, but the first to ever make me come so consistently. I was actually so flabergasted the first time he made me come from penetration that I went out and got him a gold star sticker; that had never happend before. He has now started a collection.

I guess there is nothing new, I just wanted to ramble a bit because I am tempted to call him and apologize for my pouty and short behaviour earlier today. I just don't really feel that I need to apologize for wanting to sleep with him...I guess I should work on my composure next time.
To call or not to call? Help!
maimy
Apologies are never bad to give, and they open the door to clear the air. You can just drop an "I'm sorry" quickly without staging an intervention, but the door will be open - and apologies are always better than unspoken frustrations or guilt.

I may not have the specific strategy on what else to say, but there has GOT to be a positive way to spin your joyful astonishment with his prowess and personal appeal. That's not in any way meant to pooh-pooh your guilt, because I know it sucks when you feel "too demanding" for whatever the reason. But the reason being, basically, one of the most positive physical experiences of your life really seems like it ought to mitigate your ... "offense".

Maybe the only way to pose it is to say, "You've given me pleasure like I have never experienced, and I feel like my desire for more is too much in some way or another, at least at this very moment."

Then you can find out if this is a temporary imbalance, if he feels pressured perhaps to live up to something unrealistic, if maybe he's afraid the "friends with benefits" could be more emotional than he's able to give. Or if it's just a matter of his bad back. If it's that last problem, y'all can negotiate physical compensations, and if it's ANY of these problems, surely y'all can find a frequency balance that's acceptable for both of you (possibly augmented by acts other than penetration; ahh, the joy of options!) without asking too much of either one. There's got to be a point on which reassurance or negotiation can relieve both of you ...
venusindisguise
Thanks Maimy! I did apologize (over msn because i'm a scardy-cat)and got the "oh I hadn't noticed you being pouty"- hmmm. Anyhow- the sex thing has yet to be touched on, but when it is I will be back with more Qs and maybe some As! I guess I'll head over to the General Relationship thread. Bah.
hummingbird
Hello dere'
I am a newbie, I couldn't find the newbie thread, but anyhow, I need some tips on riding a guy. My guy has some really long lasting stamina. I cannot get him off by blowing him or by riding him. I would love to do both. Tips on either would be great!!
sikgrrrrl
i have a question about flexibility!! i want my man to be able to hold my legs open but i am so not flexible. does anyone have any suggestions for beginners
maddy29
Ok, this is from Cosmo, so yes, totally lame. But, it describes some good positions to try.

The Sit 'n' Spin
# Erotic instructions: With your guy flat on his back, face him, your knees on the floor or mattress, and lower yourself onto his penis. Have him put his hands on your thighs as you place yours on his torso. Gyrate your hips in a circle continuously in one direction, then switch directions.

# Pleasure payoff for you: This easy-to-do pose puts you in the driver's seat so you can control the speed and motion. Moving in circles like a belly dancer makes you feel extra seductive, and you'll get totally tingly with his shaft rubbing against your vaginal walls.

# Pleasure payoff for him: Besides the bodacious view of your breasts, he'll love the soft circling motions. And the unexpected twist in a new direction will keep him in a horny holding pattern, so he won't climax too quickly.

The Passionate Piston
# Erotic instructions: Have your man lie on his back. Lower your body onto his shaft by planting your feet firmly on the mattress or floor and putting your hands on his shoulders. (A wall or headboard will also work.) He can help steady you by placing his hands on either side of your hips. Using your legs for leverage, "piston" straight up and down his shaft as quickly as possible.

# Pleasure payoff for you: While you may not be able to piston like this for very long, the turbo-charged action kicks every sensation up a naughty notch and lets you alternate between ultradeep and more shallow motions. As the reader who created it says, your quads will get a good workout too.

# Pleasure payoff for him: The sight of your set jiggling and bouncing as your legs propel you up and down will drive him wild. This aggressive move is all about that amazing animalistic pleasure guys go gaga for.

Back to the Rodeo
# Erotic instructions: He lies flat on his back. Hop on top of him facing his feet, guide his penis inside you, then carefully lower yourself all the way back so that you are lying on top of him. Extend your legs straight out and slightly apart.

# Pleasure payoff for you: Woman on top has a rep for not producing much body contact, but this position provides that carnal closeness that makes doing the deed so damn steamy. The action is slow and penetration shallow ‑- a major plus if your dude is well-endowed. It'll also allow his penis to tantalize the supercharged nerves of your lower V zone.

# Pleasure payoff for him: He'll love that he can touch your breasts and belly or manually stimulate you while nibbling your neck. You can show him exactly how you get yourself off by guiding his hand with yours ‑- a thrilling lesson most men crave.

The Lusty Lotus
# Erotic instructions: Start with your man in a seated position. Face him and climb into his lap so you're straddling him, guiding his penis inside you. Wrap your legs around his waist while he crosses his legs Indian-style, then put your arms around his neck as he holds you under your hips. Rock back and forth for a long, sensual, big O buildup.

# Pleasure payoff for you: The slow rocking motion lets his penis glide over your G-spot ‑- the bliss button inside you that often gets missed when you bump and grind at top speed.

# Pleasure payoff for him: He'll love the feel of your breasts pressed into his chest as you sway your bodies in rhythm. You can also connect at the eyes and lips, taking your bond to a tantric passion plane.

The Racy Recline
# Erotic instructions: Your guy should be sitting up, with his weight on his palms and his legs stretched out and slightly spread. Facing him, sit between his legs and place his penis inside you. Lean back on your hands for balance, then lift your legs and rest your ankles on his shoulders. Putting a small pillow under your hips will help position you at just the right angle.

# Pleasure payoff for you: Unlike most female superior poses, you won't be taking him for a ride: Your guy will do most of the thrusting. Meanwhile, you can concentrate on how amazing his penis feels stroking your G-spot.

# Pleasure payoff for him: As he pumps and enjoys the action shot, he'll be able to see your face and take in all the bliss he's bringing you. And with your legs straddling his upper bod, he'll be completely surrounded by you...and love every minute of it.

The Hot Seat
# Erotic instructions: Get your man to lie on his back, then lower yourself onto his lap with your legs perpendicular to his pelvis and guide his penis inside you. Place your hands behind you for support and move up and down his shaft (carefully, so you don't bend it and possibly hurt him), as he steadies you under your legs.

# Pleasure payoff for you: The pose lets you thrust deep, then pull back so that just the tip of his penis is inside you. It's a great move if your guy's on the small side or if you crave a tighter fit.

# Pleasure payoff for him: Every inch of your V will move up and down along his member ‑- making him feel like he's penetrating you for the first time with each new thrust. And with your legs close together, you'll feel really snug around his penis.

Hip-to-Hip Hula
# Erotic instructions: Have your guy lie flat on his back, his legs extended and spread a bit. Facing him, position your body on top of his, your pelvises aligned and your legs extended outside of his. Once he's inside you, lean forward and put your body weight on your palms. Your guy holds your hips or butt, helping to support you and control your motions.

# Pleasure payoff for you: With the close alignment of your pelvic areas, your clitoris is in perfect position to rub against his pubic bone, producing superhot stimulation. Plus, because your torso presses against his, you won't feel quite so exposed.

# Pleasure payoff for him: By grabbing your hips and butt, he can pull you close to get really deep. And he'll feel every inch of you while getting a primo view of your pair.

Celestial Cowgirl
# Erotic instructions: While your guy lies back, lower yourself facing his feet with your knees on either side of his torso. Then, lean back, forming an arch. Have him hold your hips to both support you and guide the thrusting.

# Pleasure payoff for you: You'll be piloting your pleasure trip by controlling the speed and depth of his thrusts. Another reason this trick rocks? Arching your back will angle his member so it rubs against your ultrasensitive G.

# Pleasure payoff for him: This sexy slant will allow him to take over the thrusting and gives him a chance to drive you wild as he touches your C-spot and nipples while kissing the back of your neck. And if you've got long hair, he'll love the feeling of it grazing his chest.

The Jasmine



Of all the reader-submitted positions Cosmo's ever received, we crowned this move the most creative. We've named it The Jasmine, in honor of the inventive reader who sent it in.

# Erotic instructions: He lies back, his butt on the edge of the bed. Lower yourself onto his penis in reverse, your legs outside his. After you start bouncing, slowly bend toward the floor.

# Pleasure payoff for you: With your body leaning forward, your man's penis has easy access to your G-spot. The bouncing is softer than in-and-out moves.

# Pleasure payoff for him: The view of you and the deep, tight fit will electrify him from head to toe.
hummingbird
These are just yummy. Thanks maddy29. Very creative positions. Mmmmm...some of them I don't quite get...but all the more fun to make it up as we go along...to figure them out...Mmmm.
hummingbird
I feel that mr. Hmmmbird is so impatient sometimes, you know, it's like, wait until I get the groove. It's so much harder to get the groove on top all the way to climax. Is it because we're in love that our favorite position is missionary? Well, it gets the job done, and with a nice lil' vibe, all the better.

sikgrrrrl: I am not sure what you mean, when you say he wants to hold your legs open and he can't because your not flexible? But, my 2 cents: start stretching your legs out everyday.
runnergirl
I wasn't sure if I should post this here or at "the mysterious O" but here it goes anyway. Usually during sex it feels good, I enjoy it, but I don't climax. I have gotten close a few times though. Today the sex with the boy was fabulous, but each time I felt like I was going to come,(it was so intense!) somehow I involuntarily pushed him out of me. This happend three times! It took him a few seconds to get back in, but at that point I had lost my build up and I was back at square one. As I thought about it more, I remembered that this has happened before. Does this happen to anyone else? Do you have any advice on how to stop it from happening? He asked me to just warn him when its going to happen so he could counter my pushing...but I couldn't control/feel it until it was too late. Thanks!
stillveryangry
um...hasn't happened to me, but sounds like the root of the problem could be psychological...you should try to figure out why you do this instead of having him stay the course, it you will just coz it could potentially be damaging...then again, I dont know what the hell I'm talkin about...
venusindisguise
runnergirl- Have you been able to climax with any other partners? In the same line as what stillveryangry has to say, maybe it is a bit psychological? I used to have the most terrible time reaching climax, which was one of the reasons I first came to BUST. I needed HELP. I overcame not coming because I was having "control issues". Ring true?
Or perhaps it is purely biological (both?). I've recently experienced this with my vibe. Since I've been sleeping w/ m'boy when I go at it solo I tend to use my vibe for penetration, and when I'm about to come/coming my pc muscles (kegels?) push so hard my vibe shoots out, against the will of my hand. Weird, hey?
Maybe your lovely inside bits have been pumpin' iron and are strong as all get out!
How has it been going since?
auralpoison
*bump*
mel
I want to proposition a crush of mine who is being way too much of a gentleman. I'm tired of talking on the phone about work and other BS--I want to get straight to the good stuff. We had two brief interludes over a month ago and both times were too intoxicated and tired to get much out of them. I dig this guy's brain and am glad he wants to stay in touch with me, but let's cut to the chase already! I want a several hour sex session where I pull out all the stops and find out what he likes. So far he doesn't appear to have certain "gifts" that previous lovers have had, but he's young yet, and very pleasant to look at. We'll talk tomorrow when he gets back into town and I'm tempted to turn the conversation in a whole new direction. Given his platonic behavior of the last few weeks, would that just shut down communication altogether, or might it light a fire? I want to do yummy things to him. All you delightfully hot talkers out there, how do I word this so as to be titillating yet not overwhelmingly aggressive?
boblink
Mel

I thought about your problem, but time ran out. It’s too late for “tomorrow.” These thoughts may help a bit next time.

Point One: Opposites attract. It’s obvious that his personality is the opposite of yours.

Point Two: If it were a softball game you’d be on the mound throwing a whistling fast pitch. He’d be playing slow pitch.

Point Three: My best guess is that your proposed fast pitch would shock him beyond ability to make a realistic (to you) response. He’d stall out with a lame excuse simply because he couldn‘t process the new idea fast enough .

Point Four: If you haven’t already shocked him, my suggestion would be take it slow and easy. Tell him something like “I went to sleep last night thinking about how good it could be to kiss you next time I see you.”

Let it lie there, driving his thoughts. If you don’t see him tonight, he’ll show up as soon as he can. You bring the condoms, because he won’t believe that it’s possible to move as fast as you visualize.

Good luck and good loving.


mel
Boblink
Thanks for the thoughts. No I haven't shocked him yet. I agree with your softball analogy and will refrain from greeting him at the door naked. Not sure what I'll say, but I'll try subtlety and see how it goes. -Mel
opheliathemuse
I'm having what I think is a lull in my sexdrive. I might be having too much mediocre sex? It's just not doing anything for me any longer. I dunno. I am on Depo Provera, but I was before and I used to be fine. I don't know what the deal is. I feel like turning into myself, and not dealing with these outside sources.
I realize this is not a strictly sex post, but I wasn't sure where to post this.
maimy
I think this is the right place, Ophelia. Unfortunately, I don't have any but the stock "have you had any lifestyle/diet/physical changes?" or "get the to a doctor" advice. It's been so long since I had sex at all, I have nothing useful to offer - sorry.
sybarite
Don't let it worry you overmuch ophelia; mine fluctuates a fair bit and always has. Although I agree that mediocre sex might cause your libido to run and hide for a while--maybe it's your body's way of saying it wants a break.

It'll come back to you. In the meantime, try not to worry and indulge yourself in other ways! I always think being nice to yourself is a good cure for what ails you...
opheliathemuse
Thanks maimy, sybarite. I appreciate your answers.
pepper
i won't say it's the *only* time this happens but Generally, if the sex is mediocre or lame for me it's because my interest has waned. waning interest coupled with medicore sex = waning interest = boring etc etc. if i stop liking it it's because there's something else wrong. that may just be me though.
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