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juls
OOhhh I never noticed this thread! We're recently engaged, aiming to get married in Jan 2010 at Maya Riviera Mexico!

Any other "destination weddings" here? I'd love to hear some experiences!
avaadore
Polly, that venue is gorgeous! Who cares if it's a little far out, how could you pass up such a fantastic place?
Congratulations on having a date too!

(I just realized this is the place I was thinking about working at a few weeks ago, very yummy organic vegetable farm, funny coincidence)
crazyoldcatlady
juls, riviera maya is GORGEOUS. it's been about 4 or so years since i've been (just for vacation), but it was great b/c it wasn't all built up yet, the resorts were brand new and top notch, and there was no dealing with the cancun trash. you can see cozumel from the (sandy white) beaches. and the all-inclusive packages are hot deals.
pollystyrene
It is a great venue, isn't it ava? Funny, my aunt lives near it and we'd always pass that community on the way to her house. I loved it because they're modern houses that look like old farmhouses (fairly expensive farmhouses!), and now I'm getting married there! They have a Metra station (actually, two- the Milwaukee District North Line and the North Central Line) right there, so that's another option for you city-folk. We talked about the farm with the wedding coordinator we met- they have a CSA program for the the residents or they can just by from the farmer's market.

I've heard good things about Riviera Maya, juls. That's about all the input I have. Glad I'm not the only bride on here!
bottleblack
Oh my Gah....5 months left til the wedding...July 19th is the big day...
This week we are aiming to decide on invitation designs..
snow white
hey busties, my man and i have been engaged for about 4 months, i thought i'd pop in and take a look around the *wedding thread*

polly, i love the site you linked for the wedding dresses, out of your pics, i like hannah the best (estelle is a close second). i found one for myself too wink.gif bit expensive for me (did i mention we're just livin' on love?), but i'm savin' my pennies. unless i can find a similar pattern and ask my gram if she could help me make it.

virginia

bottleblack, that is a gorgeous dress! absolutly beautiful.
kittenb
(bump)
ofheavenandhell
Hello, need dress style and color help!!

....my bff is getting married in august, she chose a floor-length, ice-light blue satin silk dress for her wedding gown. it's styled like a 40s lounge singer. she's getting married on a boat in the early evening...the love boat hee hee : ) this wedding will be in seattle.

anyway, there are only 2 maids of honor/bridesmaid, myself included. we were told that we can wear whatever we want as long as there is no pattern and we match her and each other as best we can.

i'm happy we don't have to wear bridesmaid dresses but we're having a really hard time deciding on what colors would match her dress. navy, silver, gold, champagne? is black too harsh? if we wear different colors what two colors match her gown?

what styles are suitable too?

any help would be appreciated. links to dresses even better. by the way, i'm 5'3" the other friend is 5'10. and at the very most costs 250

thanks so much!!

p.s. if this helps, my style preferences lean towards certain celebrity styles of lou doillon, olsen twins, kate moss, kirsten dunst, sophia coppola and chloe sevigny.
kittenb
Champagnes would look lovely but it is awfully close to white. I think the general rule is that only bride should wear white at a wedding, even when the bride isn't wearing white. However, a soft gold is different enough from white that I think it would be okay. Silver would also be okay as would darker shades of blue.
roseviolet
The great thing about light blue is that EVERYTHING goes with it! So you have tons of options. What other colors are featured in the wedding? What color are her flowers? Use those as inspiration.

I agree with Kitten that it would probably be best to lean away from champagne. There are times when one can wear white or ivory to a wedding, but it totally depends upon the style. My mother-in-law wore white to our wedding and it didn't bother me one bit. Her suitdress was made of linen, so the fabric and the tailoring definitely kept it from looking at all bridal. Black tends to be better for more formal occasions and considering the '40s lounge singer feel of her dress, it might work. A darker shade of blue might be nice, too.

Don't limit yourself to just that, though. Plenty of other colors will work - lavender, mossy green, pink, a soft orange or yellow. Since your bride sounds pretty laid back, this could be a great opportunity to get something more fun. However, I suggest you stick to the same color value as her dress. A strong, bright color will compete too much with the bride. This may not be a problem when you're walking around, but just think of the group photos. You don't want to be a bright shock of color that steals focus from the happy couple. Stick to softer shades.

Sounds like you like clothes that are slightly quirky and less structured. More flowy and relaxed. That sound right? I think you can express some of your quirky side in your accessories, but I'd tone it down for the dress. I think chiffon is going to be your go-to fabric. It'll give you the flow you like & soft colors, too. I checked out the website for David's Bridal and found a dress that could work.
Style FF12284: These colors are now on sale for $80. The same dress in additional colors goes for $135.
This one could be fun, too: Style 83479. It think it's on sale for $100.
Poke about on their website & see if there's anything else you like. Just remember that you shouldn't just walk into a David's Bridal on the spur of the moment. Make an appointment first. If you want anything more unique, you'll have to check out some of the boutiques in your area.

Good luck!

kittenb
Oh that empire waist w/the crinkle chiffon is darling. I actually bought a dress in a very similar style this weekend because it made me feel both taller and thinner. It is a miracle dress.
sassygrrl
Runs into say,

I JUST GOT ENGAGED!!!!

Mcgeek proposed when we got home from a party. I thought my friends were daring him to do it, but he told them that he's wanted to for over a year, and I keep backing down (which is partly true). It was a very sweet proposal, and I'm just so happy!

period_monster
woot, woot!
missladyj
Congrats Sassy!!
sassygrrl
Thanks!

I'm a little worried. We sized the ring back in January, and I think I've gained some weight. It's fitting very snug. Is this normal? Sorry, I just haven't been engaged in a very long time. However, this could be water weight due to PMS right now.

I'm so happy!

Better go work out though....
roseviolet
Sassy, I know I said it elsewhere, but I just have to congratulate you two again!

As for the ring, it depends. There's snug, and then there's snug. Can you still pull the ring off with your fingers? If so, then you're probably okay. However, if you have to pry it off with a lot of help from your fingernails or even your teeth, then it's way too tight. I think it would be a good idea to stop by a jewelry store this week & find out your ring size while you're feeling a little more bloated and PMS-y. Then once the swelling is down, you can go back, get sized again, and try to find a happy medium between the two sizes.

You may have other things to consider, too. My cycle doesn't affect my finger size, but the weather can. I find that my fingers change sizes depending on the time of year. They're thinner in the winter when the air is colder and drier here, but fuller in the summer when it's hot & more humid. Right now, since it's warm, my rings are somewhat snug and I have to twist them a bit to get them off. In the winter they can be removed more easily, but they're not loose enough to slip off on their own.
pollystyrene
Right, the ring shouldn't just fall off, but if you have to get the soap to get it off, it's too tight. I'd imagine your fingers are naturally little more swelled down there in the south. Climate definitely makes a difference.
sassygrrl
Thanks everyone!

The ring is still a little tight. I'm going to try to get to a jewelry store on Friday. I'm really not used to wearing a ring either. I'm more of a watch girl. I hadn't thought of the weather, but that makes sense. It's been like 92 in the shade here.

I'm not wearing it when I sleep, do housework, or shower.

Really a cool mess of emotions right now. Even though we had bought the ring, I never thought he would do actually propose.

Funny wedding story of my aunt: She lost her ring in the Atlantic Ocean while swimming. It didn't dissolve or anything, it just fell off. They looked for it everywhere (the water was fairly clear), but no luck. It was an antique ring too.

I never wore my last engagement ring. My ex thought of it as my shackle. He would get super pissed if I forget to wear it. I finally threw it over the balcony when the relationship ended.



pollystyrene
We're doing an iPod wedding and I'm having a hard time picking out songs. We have the stuff we like, but I know I should include some more popular stuff, too. What I'm mostly having a hard time with is stuff for older people. I think I've decided that if they sang it in The Commitments, it can be in the playlist (maybe even The Commitments version of it). But the old classics, like Sinatra....I have no idea. I want to have some Sarah Vaughn in there because my grandpa and I used to dance to it. Definitely some Billie Holiday.

Any suggestions?
candycane_girl
When it comes to Sinatra the possibilities are endless. Seriously, almost any of his songs will do (however I've heard people say that playing "The Lady is a Tramp" is inappropriate for obvious reasons). Fly Me to the Moon, Strangers in the Night, Beyond the Sea (not sure if that was his song), etc. I'd also suggest Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Tony Bennett and Ella Fitzgerald.
kittenb
I have a weakness for the soundtrack to Return To Me. Check it out. You might find some good stuff.
pollystyrene
Oh yeah, I remember there being some good music on there. Thanks! I think Beyond the Sea was Bobby Darin. I could be wrong.
candycane_girl
I checked and yes, that was Bobby Darin. But for some reason I thought that he just wrote the song and Sinatra sang it.
sassygrrl
I know they're new but Michael Buble and old Harry Connick Jr. are good too. Also, maybe Dean Martin?;

I found a ton of great Father/Daughter dance songs on the OffBeat Bride site.

So, I heard from the jeweler, and she said it would only cost $75, and be back in 2-3 weeks. I just have to get it sized again. It does fit past my knuckle now, so that's better. I may just wear it like that. I don't want to give the ring up for that long right now! It's still so new to me.



sassygrrl
Okay, so we started planning this morning. My parents are giving us some money (my dad said a lump sum, but didn't discuss it), and the rest we'll put towards moving out west I think.

We're maybe going to have it in a state park with a waterfall in North Georgia. Also, considering 50 people or so. Then again, this could all change. Mcgeek wants to combine his gamer element with my pop cultureness/book nerd. I'd love to find a Bionic Woman cake topper b/c that's my first name. He wants Albert Einstein.

pollystyrene
QUOTE(sassygrrl @ Jul 5 2009, 12:16 PM) *
Okay, so we started planning this morning. My parents are giving us some money (my dad said a lump sum, but didn't discuss it), and the rest we'll put towards moving out west I think.

We're maybe going to have it in a state park with a waterfall in North Georgia. Also, considering 50 people or so. Then again, this could all change. Mcgeek wants to combine his gamer element with my pop cultureness/book nerd. I'd love to find a Bionic Woman cake topper b/c that's my first name. He wants Albert Einstein.


Albert Einstein action figure

And there's a bunch of Bionic Woman action figures on eBay.

smile.gif
Persiflager
Geeky wedding cake toppers
sassygrrl
Thanks guys!

There is actually a librarian action figure I found. I'd have to fix her hair b/c it's gray. That or make it Batgirl(whose alter ego was a librarian). I did find an Bionic Woman action figure but it was fugly. I forget Jaime Sommers had blond hair. I guess I could take a brown marker to it.

I'm finding that wedding venues are freaking insane. 3000-4000?? Plus, we'd have to consider a reception site, catering, etc. I'm still not sure if I want to get a wedding planner. Part of me thinks she'd just get in the way. Also, we want some different music in our wedding, and I don't want the DJ to play "Celebration" or some of the other awful wedding songs. I'm still considering an Ipod wedding.

I'm a little worried about Mcgeek's huge family. His father has about 10 brothers. There's also a cousin who has muscular dystrophy (she's wheelchair bound, and only 6), and I think it would be a downer at the wedding. Obviously, she was in Mcgeek's brother's wedding b/c she's his child, but I'm worried it would make people sad just because there's no cure for the disease. I hope that didn't sound heartless.

Also, we already got into a fight. I wanted to honor my parents and grandparents by having their photos somewhere. There's a beautiful picture I have of them both. Well, Mcgeek's family just separated. So, it would cause weird tension. Mcgeek flat out said NO! It really pissed me off.

Sorry for the long vent. Thanks for the ideas.

Polly, did you figure out cool older people songs?

I do plan on getting a cool replacement ring this week.
roseviolet
Sassy, it seems clear that you're going to have to be VERY VERY sensitive about McGeek's family's current situation. I know that doesn't sound fun, but it'll be worth it in the long run. Remember that if you plan ahead for this, then the focus of attention on the wedding day will remain on you and McGeek. However, if you don't plan ahead and take their feelings into account, there will just be additional tension and drama on your wedding day.

I think it could be worth it for you to hire a wedding planner because of the family issues. A real wedding planner will know about more than just flowers and caterers. A good wedding planner will help you maneuver through the complicated world of etiquette. If you're going to interview wedding planners, be sure to just come out and tell them that this is a big concern for you two. Tell them what's happening in McGeek's family. The planner will hopefully be able to tell you how they handled similar situations in the past. They can even provide references who will be able to give you a full report on how well things went.

When Sheff and I got married, it had been 18 years since his parents' divorce. They get along pretty well and still see one another occasionally on holidays (for family get-togethers). However, there was still some tension there. My parents are still together so I really didn't understand how important it was to take that into consideration. I figured that time had healed their wounds & I didn't have to worry about it. Plus my grandmother died and my father was diagnosed with cancer shortly before the wedding, so I guess I was a bit focused on my own family. Sheff's parents were good sports about it, but when I look at the photos I can see that they were forced to be next to one another almost ALL DAY LONG. They sat next to one another during the ceremony and then sat at the same table at the reception dinner. I feel terribly guilty about that. I still feel bad that I didn't fully understand their situation and didn't provide enough space for them. If that tension can still exist after almost 20 years, I can't imagine how difficult it must be when the split is still fresh.

I gotta be frank with you for a minute.
Are you honestly suggesting that his cousin with MD shouldn't come to the wedding because her presence would be too much of a "downer"? Listen, I'm saying this purely out of love, but that is the most Bridezilla statement I've ever heard in my entire life. It's ridiculously selfish. If you're going to invite McGeek's whole family, you need to invite the whole family. Do not - I repeat DO NOT even suggest to his family that this person should stay home unless you want to alienate them completely.

Granted, this cousin may be younger and may need extra attention. There are some little exceptions that can be made, but it's still tricky territory. You might be able to suggest hiring a babysitter to watch this cousin (and other children) during the ceremony, but that's about as much as you can do. It's still risky, though. For example, we knew that our wedding was going to be quiet and small so we offered to have a babysitter for the kids during the ceremony and then the kids could hang out with us during the reception immediately afterward. We were only expecting 1 or 2 little ones anyway, so it wasn't a big deal. Sounds reasonable, right? Well, you would not believe the stink one of my cousins made about this! She was FURIOUS! And she doesn't even have kids! She was all, "How dare you exclude members of the family from the ceremony?!". But the only ones we wanted to stay with the babysitter were the really young ones - the ones who might cry and who wouldn't remember the ceremony anyway. We didn't want anyone to not be able to hear our vows because a baby was crying. We also didn't want anyone to have to leave during the ceremony and miss part of it because of a crying baby. Hell, it was only going to last 20 minutes anyway. What's so bad about leaving your kid with a babysitter for 20 fucking minutes? But it blew up and became a huge mess. In the end, that cousin (the one without kids, remember) did not come to our wedding. My one-year-old second cousin did attend the ceremony - sitting in my other cousin's lap the whole time - and made a little bit of noise while my dad performed a reading, but luckily that was it. It took years for me to heal that rift with the angry cousin. Luckily, she and I have known one another forever and love each other, so we got over it. If that cousin had been on Sheff's side, I don't know if it would have been so "easy". rolleyes.gif

Anyway, that's my experience. It shows you how extremely sensitive family members can be about weddings. If you want to have a warm relationship with McGeek's family, it's important that you remember this. I imagine that if you exclude McGeek's cousin with MD, it will take you a HELL of a lot longer to heal that rift - if ever. Hopefully you'll be a member of that family for the rest of your life, so you're better off starting on the right foot.
candycane_girl
Sassy, no offense but I think what you said about Mcgeek's cousin was pretty inappropriate. Do you honestly think that at your wedding people will be spending the whole day looking at the girl in the wheelchair? Yes, it's sad that there is no cure for muscular dystrophy but eventually people learn to deal with it.

I'm saying this partially out of experience. My cousin has been in a wheelchair since the age of 6 (although it is due to a car accident, so she still has control of her upper body). It was incredibly sad and it can still be upsetting thinking of all the bull she has to deal with. She will never walk again. But she's now 27 and she has led an incredible life. In 21 years she has never been excluded from family events because someone thought that having her around would be a downer.

Also, family is family. And this kid is only 6 years old. This is far different from not wanting to invite some bitchy aunt to your wedding because you know she'll ruin the whole day. This is just a little girl who will hopefully enjoy the ceremony and have a good time.

Sorry for ranting but please think about what you're saying.
sassygrrl
RV, I know it sounded selfish and Bridezilla as I didn't mean it to. I'm not even sure if Matt will come (the father of the sick girl) to the wedding. It's just the kid will need a lot of extra attention, so Matt may have to fly a nurse down. His family doesn't have much money to begin with. Yet, he told me that he's had trouble with nurses sleeping on the job, etc. I think there may be other kids at the wedding(friends of Mcgeek's) , so it may be a good thing to hire a babysitter. It still upsets me to see this poor girl. It really depends on if Mcgeek has Matt as his best man, or even if he wants to travel down here. His other brother didn't even come to Matt's wedding due to a fight. We found out the day of the wedding.


I'm not trying to cause any rifts, but there are complicated situations all around. I'm still all new to this family, as I've only met them once, and it didn't start out on any good terms. I'm certainly not doing it to piss anyone off, but I know it sounds that way. Sorry. They're just a very closed off family.

I'll try to hire a wedding planner.







Some of these issues are going to have to be worked out in therapy. I'll look into hiring a wedding planner.
sassygrrl
Fine. Sorry, I know I suck.
Bye.

And No, the kid won't enjoy the wedding b/c she can't even breathe or talk without oxygen. She can't walk. I know I sound like a horrible bitch, but it's true. It's very depressing. It's called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. I'm learning to deal with it, but I never got a warning of how sick she was when I met the family.





roseviolet
Think about it this way, Sassy. If they can't afford to bring her along - what with nurses and all - then she won't be there. But if you're inviting her parents and they live out of town, you pretty much have to include her in the invitation. This goes triple if Matt is a member of the wedding party. Basically, you have to put the ball in their court. I understand that the girl may not understand or appreciate the ceremony (that's why I suggested the babysitter) but it's about much much more than her potential enjoyment. It's about family. Unfortunately for you, this subject becomes much more touchy when you're dealing with a child who may not have a long life. In that case, some families want to make a point of taking the child to every family function possible so that they will have plenty of happy memories to soothe them after the child has gone. But every family is different. For all you know, Matt and the girl's mother might want an excuse to get away for a weekend & they'll leave their daughter at home with a nurse. Or maybe you can offer to help them find a nursing service that can keep an eye on the girl during the ceremony. Whatever the case, you're going to have to leave the choice up to them.

Sounds like you're finally confronting the ugly reality of wedding planning. As you can tell, it ain't always pretty! Weddings seem all happy and beautiful from the outside, but it's very very different from the inside. I think planning a wedding is like working in a sausage factory. It's messy and stressful - far more so than you could imagine - but if you do a good job, the results will be great.
pollystyrene
((sassy)) The guest list does get stressful, and I think we all know that you're not a bridezilla.

I think in terms of etiquette, the best thing to do is invite the family, but let them know that you know their situation is complicated, and you understand that they need to do what's best for them, and if there's anything you're able to do to accommodate them, you'll do your best to do it, but if that means not being able to attend, you and McGeek won't take it personally. But put the ball in their court and let them make the choice whether or not to come. Look at it this way- sounds like they're in a really hard place right now, but maybe they need a happy occasion to look forward to.

I just watched an episode of a show called "Wedding SOS" on the Fine Living Network; we don't get that channel, but I caught it at LeBoy's parent's house. They take people who are in messy wedding planning situations and the host is a wedding planner, who doesn't take any crap. In the episode I saw, the bride was Filipino (her whole family was back in the Philippines) and her fiance was this mama's boy and his mother was taking over the planning. She was buying them all these wedding chotchkes that the bride had no interest in, and didn't want to incorporate any of the Filipino traditions into the wedding. She also hooked them up with a friend of hers, who claimed to be a wedding planner. They paid her $900 to do flowers and decorations; for weeks, this woman evaded their calls, and when they did get in contact with her, it was clear that she wasn't able to/wouldn't do anything they way they wanted it. So, the show's host took over, mediated a conversation with the bride and groom and the groom's parents about boundaries and expectations, and talked to the "wedding planner" they had already hired. At the wedding itself, the other wedding planner brought the flowers (mostly fake) and cheesy decorations, then spent most of the time at the bar, while the host talked to the vendors, fixed the crappy decorations, made sure everything was running on time and made sure the bride and groom had a good time and got everything they wanted.

So, Rose is right- a good planner will be an advocate for you and McGeek and help you navigate all the crappiness that comes with wedding planning.

ETA: Cross-post with rose- great minds think alike wink.gif

ETA, again: Mmm, sausage. Of course, the other old saying about sausage, "Laws are like sausages: No one should ever see how they're made" could also be applied to weddings.
sassygrrl
I'm sorry I'm blowing up.... It does make me feel bad.

All of this just happened last week, and I'm still absorbing the engagement. Mcgeek's family doesn't even talk to one another. They prefer it that way. They don't even know about our engagement, and he doesn't feel like calling them. I can't force him too. The family is basically living in different towns. Mcgeek hasn't talked to his mom and brothers in months.

As far as the wedding party goes right now, my "man of honor/person" is the only one we've picked. He laughed, and said as long as he doesn't have to wear a gown. Mcgeek hasn't picked a best man. He said he could always pick a best woman, as my maid of honor is a guy.

I just don't want to hurt anyone, but part of me is being to realize that I'll at least piss someone off in the process.
Thank goodness for couples therapy tonight! I did just email a planner who deals with brides on a budget.

Sausage. Yummy. Good analogy.


roseviolet
((((((((Sassy))))))) It's okay. You're going through a hell of a lot right now. I think it's normal to feel overwhelmed. That doesn't make it any easier, of course!

I think it's time for me to confess a secret: I have chosen not to speak ill of my husband, my marriage, or my wedding on Bust. Part of it is a preservation tactic. I figure that if I have a problem with Sheff, I need to talk about it with Sheff. Luckily, we have very few problems and we're pretty good at communicating (which is why we're married in the first place!) so it isn't a big deal. However, I think it may be time for me to tell you all about our wedding & the stress I felt at the time.

I gotta be honest here. I may have been The Bride at my wedding - right at the center of attention - but I think a number of people there had a much better time than I did. I still had a fairly decent time, but I know my parents, my best friend, and my SIL and BIL had much more fun. I was just so stressed out! I was so worried about every little detail - worried about it being perfect - but even with all of that planning, there were problems that could not be avoided. I was stressed out because the flowers were not what I'd asked for. I was stressed because we didn't finalize our vows until the night before & I couldn't memorize them for some unknown reason. I was stressed because I didn't have any bridesmaids, so I was left alone a lot in the hours before the ceremony. I was stressed because we spent money on a string quartet that played inside, but all of our guests insisted on hanging out in the garden & missed most of the live music. I was stressed because no one took the initiative to do ANYTHING. If I didn't tell everybody exactly what they needed to do, it didn't get done. I was stressed because my cousin wasn't there & she is my only female cousin & I always imagined she'd attend my wedding - even be a bridesmaid. I was stressed because we didn't have time to make up a personalized CD of music to play in the background during dinner, so the people at the B&B put in a CD they had sitting around not knowing, of course, that some of the songs on that CD were very meaningful to me and my Ex-boyfriend! And I didn't know how to fix that, so I sat there during my wedding dinner, thinking about my goddamn ex-boyfriend because of the music (I never told Sheff about this)! Then we had to run out and take a few more pictures, but by the time we got back, the cake had been served and people were ready to go. Four short hours after it all began and people were ready to leave! I couldn't believe it! Why were they leaving already?! All of that time and energy and money planning all of this and they were just going to leave?!? I wasn't ready for it to end, but we made our exit and ran to the car anyway. Such is the reality of the situation when you have a small wedding with less than 20 guests.

Granted, there were lots of great things about the day, too. The weather was perfect. My make-up and hair were exactly what I'd wanted, even if my dress wasn't. The B&B was beautiful & even my very picky SIL was impressed. People cried when they heard our vows. My best friend still talks about our amazingly delicious wedding cake (because most wedding cakes taste pretty crappy). I have a big smile on my face in the vast majority of photos from our big day. And never for a moment did I regret marrying Sheff (even while listening to that damn music during dinner!). But I must admit that I was stressed out for many days before and after the wedding. I was still a bit shook up during the honeymoon & had some trouble relaxing & enjoying it (Note that it was NOT a grand, sexual romp because I was so damn tense). It took weeks for me to digest that, yes, I was married and I couldn't go back to my parents house. It took months to come to grips with the idea that, yes, my Big Day was gone and over and there was nothing more I could add ... nothing else I could do to make it more special. It was over. Past tense. I was married. Time to mail out Thank You notes and move on with life. How fucking depressing.

My wedding day was nice, but it did not feel like the happiest day of my life. Not by a long shot. My mom has never been able to understand why I have mixed feelings about the wedding. She thinks that everything was as close to perfect as possible. Then again, she has always said that her wedding day was an absolute disaster. I won't even start on the list, but basically the only thing that went right is that she and Dad ended up married ... and even that almost didn't happen. Since Sheff and I had fewer mix-ups at our ceremony, she feels like everything was perfect. But then again, it wasn't Her Day. She didn't have to deal with the pressure that this was supposed to be the best day of her life. But I did. I knew all along that I was expecting too much by hoping for that. I tried to be casual about it. I tried to tell myself that it was okay if this was not the most perfect day I would ever experience , but let's be honest. I was hoping for that feeling. I wanted it to be magical and unbearably romantic. But it wasn't. It was stressful.

In time I've gotten better about it. I've made peace with it. I realized that there are maybe 3 different versions of My Perfect Wedding and there was no possible way on earth that I could have had everything I wanted, so I'm trying to appreciate the things that did happen. Let's face it: as much as I regret that I didn't get to have everything I wanted on my wedding day, the truth is that I would HATE to go through the stress of planning another wedding. I learned that weddings - much like marriage - require some compromise and sacrifice. And that's really really shitty when you're deep in the mire of it all. But now I feel like it's okay. I try to remember our focus of the day: that it wasn't just about the two of us, but about the joining of two families. We accomplished that. So it was a success. As time has gone by, I eventually put far less emphasis on our wedding and I focused just on our marriage. I find that I'm happier to be married to Sheff than ever before. That's what really matters, right?

I don't quite know what I'm trying to say. I don't think I'm trying to say, "Prepare to be disappointed," but maybe I am! Now that I look back on it, I really really wish we'd hired a full-fledged wedding planner - not just a person who helps out at the venue on the day-of, but someone who helps plan things from the beginning. I think it would have made a HUGE difference. I thought my mom's help would be enough, but she wasn't nearly as serious or diligent as I had expected. Frankly, she was a bit flaky and it annoyed the shit out of me. If I'd had a good, steady, organized, professional planner, I think I would have known that there was someone there to handle all of the little details and to make sure that the proper tasks were delegated out appropriately. I would still be stressed, of course, but probably not as stressed. And maybe there could have even been the occasional little romantic surprise, too. Now that would have been nice!
pollystyrene
Maybe this should go in the confessions thread, but every time I hear about all the troubles someone went through planning their wedding, or just how awful their in-laws are, I am reminded of how grateful I am for how smoothly things are going so far and how decent my in-laws are. Of course, I have 327 days for something to go wrong. rolleyes.gif While I sometimes gripe about how LeMom is controlling and pushy, at least I'm sure that when the day comes, she's gonna have that shit covered.

Well, if it helps, rose, I've seen your wedding pics and you look happy to me. Sorry about all the misery you went through.

I think it's all about mindset. I let go of the "fairy tale, cue the singing bluebirds and harp-playing cherubs" fantasy a long time ago and have come to view this as "a party for us"....I think I've maybe done that a little too well, as people often don't seem to believe me when I tell them I'm excited about it. I have a positive attitude (I think) but I think people expect me to just be cheerleader-perky about the whole thing or something.

Maybe this site would be of help to you, sassy. I know I recommended you over to the Weddingbook message board on Facebook, and I saw you joined. There are a lot of people on there going through similar familial crap with nasty divorces and stuff. Maybe they'd have some suggestions for your situation.
roseviolet
Polly, don't get me wrong. I don't think "misery" is the right word to describe my feelings. I was happy, but I was tense! The family was great and everyone got along splendidly. The venue was gorgeous. The food was amazing. Practically everything was perfect. The problem was all within me. It wasn't blissful or magical or romantic for me. My mind was too preoccupied.

So many people say their wedding day is the happiest day of their lives - whether they planned an extravagant ceremony or whether they just eloped to Vegas - and I hoped to feel that, too. Maybe I unconsciously put too much pressure on myself & jinxed it. Who knows. I told myself it didn't matter, but deep down it really did. I had heard my mother talk so much about how her own wedding day was absolutely miserable. And inside I thought, "Well, that certainly won't happen to me!" And because I planned things so well, it didn't. Not technically. Things went really well! But there was a lot of pressure to make it go that well. And the tension from that pressure did a number on my head.

You'd never know that's how I felt by looking at the photos. I'm pretty good at playing the swan - gliding along smoothly & serenely while I paddle madly underneath the surface. So I looked like the perfect little bride, but I didn't quite feel like it. I was certainly happy! I was perfectly calm about marrying Sheff, so I wasn't nervous. I was just super tense. I bet that's a pretty common feeling among brides. Oh, if only we could really know what the people in all those wedding photos in the bridal magazines are really thinking and feeling!

In many ways, I'm glad we didn't have a longer engagement. Our wedding day was about 3 months after we started planning. To be honest, things really could not have gone any smoother than they did. It was beautiful. I think if I'd spent a year or longer planning our wedding, I would have had an even bigger meltdown afterwords. That's a hell of a lot of build-up and anticipation for a one day event! I'm sure other people can deal with it better than I would have, but I would have lost my mind! blink.gif

Can you tell that was an EXTREMELY stressful year for me?! laugh.gif What with the wedding and Sheff selling his house and moving overseas and my grandmother dying and my fater getting cancer and the two weird medical issues that popped up (including that arachnoid cyst in my brain) it was a really really fucked up time for me. When it rains it pours, right?
candycane_girl
sassy, I'm sorry if I came off harsh in my response. For one thing, I definitely wasn't aware of how severe her condition is although I still don't think that she would be a "downer" for the other guests. I think the only thing you can do is extend the invitation to those members of the family but if it's possible, try to let them know that they're not obligated to attend if it's going to be too much for them (what with getting a nurse and everything).

As for the rest of the wedding, you already know that you'll have a lot to deal with in regards to mcgeek and his family so I wish you the best of luck.

Man, I know I'm absolutely nowhere near being engaged but I often fantasize about what I would want for my wedding. And in a way I dread the day I get engaged because I know that my dad would want to turn it into a standard massive Indian wedding. Seriously, we were talking one time and he was like "Well, if you get married I'm sure we would only have about 300 or 400 people." Only 400!! Lord help me if I ever get engaged.
sassygrrl
CCG, that's okay. I didn't realize how stressful it was meeting the whole family in full out crazy "wedding mode" last year. Not to mention that I wasn't used to being up North. It felt like another country as far as attitudes. In person, I'm a very happy person. His family is very cold, and don't speak. I remember giving his mom a silly touristy spoon from Georgia (she collects them), and she threw it at me. Also that I met this cousin about 5 minutes after meeting his parents. Mcgeek had kindly not told me the severity of her disease. I could barely keep it together. She was in the wedding, but had to be carried around in people's arms b/c she couldn't walk. The first thing I saw when we got to the country club was an ambulance. Scary site to see.

He told me yesterday due to all the medical supplies that she can't travel. His family is so different than mine being that no one talks to one another. Oil and water. I'm staying out of it. I will invite everyone, but with what just happened months ago I'm wondering if anyone will show.

It's funny. I never dreamed of a "perfect fairy tale" wedding. My sister was that girl. I just wanted someone in my life that loved me. I have no idea how my in-laws are going to be, but it makes it easier on all of us that there is distance on both my end and his geographically. Although, my in-laws during my last engagement were horrible. I am keeping in mind that it's a party for "us" which is a good way to look at it.

My parents strangely enough are being cool. Yet, this is only day 3. I did hear from a wedding planner who charged anywhere from $400-1800. I thought that was pretty high. The kicker is she was supposed to deal with low budget weddings! I may just do a consultation.

I think we're waiting a little bit due to all the rest of the things our plate: grad school and selling the house. There's also a sick dog (what is up with me and sick pets this year?). I'm trying not to get overwhelmed. Therapy will help a great deal. We went to couples therapy last night, and I'm seeing my therapist tonight.


RV, my mother was saying that too as recently as last week. She had to plan the whole thing due to a tiff with my grandmother. I don't think they ever forgave each other. My dad also now regrets one of his friends as his best man.











sassygrrl
Ugh. Every venue I see wants at least 75-100 guests. We only have 30-40.
roseviolet
Sassy, what kind of venues are you interested in? All of my friends who've had smaller weddings (40 people or fewer) have done them at inns or bed-&-breakfasts. I've heard of people renting out art galleries, but I don't know anyone who has done that.
sassygrrl
Mcgeek thought a state park would be cool. I'm considering a inn/b&b, park, maybe a art gallery(more my thing than Mcgeek's) or brewery/winery. We may make into a mock-destination wedding b/c most of the guests are going to be from out of town. Too bad my favorite bakery from Portland doesn't deliver. They do weddings in their shop.

I'm still wanting to keep it small, and a little DIY.



pollystyrene
Voodoo donuts, sassy?
sassygrrl
Hell yeah. They rock. I know being in the south I'm supposed to love Krispy Kreme or Dunkin Donuts, but they're too sweet. Voodoo's are at least with a sense of humor. They have a wedding package where they fly you out to Portland.
It's just a silly thought. I think Mcgeek wants a silly science grooms bake, and I'm thinking really good donuts or a stack of books.

pollystyrene
QUOTE(sassygrrl @ Jul 10 2009, 09:16 AM) *
Hell yeah. They rock. I know being in the south I'm supposed to love Krispy Kreme or Dunkin Donuts, but they're too sweet. Voodoo's are at least with a sense of humor. They have a wedding package where they fly you out to Portland.
It's just a silly thought. I think Mcgeek wants a silly science grooms bake, and I'm thinking really good donuts or a stack of books.


Yeah, I haven't been there, but I've heard they're amazing. Prophecygrrl got to go there on a business trip a couple years ago and raves about them. That maple-bacon donut....

We're doing cupcakes instead of regular cake.
sassygrrl
Oh yeah, the maple-bacon one is great. I've thought about cupcakes. There's a great bakery in town, but I need to get some quotes.

My dad send me a bunch of articles on tight budgets for a wedding. We saw one that cost only 7K. I have no idea if we could pull that off. I'm still thinking of a park, but need to get a price.



sassygrrl
Well, screw the park. They actually offered it for free, but only 15 people and no music, chairs, etc. There's also the problem with tourists coming up. We couldn't reserve it.

There's an awesome history museum here but it's about 5K, and you have to use their caterer. I wanted to do an organic caterer/restaurant.

My friend offered her house though. We'll see. I'm still thinking of just taking about 6 people, and eloping somewhere.
Then come back and having a party.

I still don't have a budget, b/c I'm afraid to ask my dad.
pollystyrene
I think I found The Dress. I'll post more tomorrow. Gotta go to bed.
kittenb
Yay!
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