I know that this thread hasn't been posted in, in a while but I feel like venting nonetheless and this seems like a relatively safe place to do it.

The other night we ran into one of Mr. Skan's friends in the grocery store. He & his girlfriend had just had a baby boy, which they had with them. Mr. Skan's friend was going on briefly how awesome being a father was, ect. I just aww'd at the baby and quickly moved on.

When we got in the car Mr. Skan made a comment about how it seemed like all his friends were having kids. I simply replied "Yeah, that's sourta what people our age tend to do I guess."

We got to talking about having children and I let a bit of my emotion out about the fact that having children wasn't going to be easy for us due to my stupid body. Oh yeah, not to mention we have been anything but safe these years together..but gee...nothing has happened. If I was one of my rapidly producing friends right now at this rate I would have 4-5 children.

I know it's going to be a struggle to have a child and at times I'm not sure if I'm prepared to deal with it. It's rather scary. I wanted to have at least one child if not 2 by the time I was 30. There's a good chance that won't happen.

There is also a good chance that we won't be able to conceive w/o medical intervention. You know, I am totally grateful for all the advances in technology these days, but still it's not the way I imagine having my children.

Fertility treatments, IVF, adoption, ect ect....I'm sure I'll have children one day. Just not as soon as I hoped...just not as I planned probably.

It's frusturating and really hurts sometimes.

But what can you do?

Last night I had a dream that we had twins. It was like the most awesome dream ever heh..but right now that's all children are...a dream.

I don't know if you still check this thread, but I just want you to know that you're not alone in this feeling. All of my friends are either pregnant with baby number 1 or 2, and I've been struggling this whole time just to have baby #1. I actually got pregnant pretty easily when I started trying over a year ago, but I lost that baby at 20 weeks due to unknown circumstances. I was a nervous wreck, so the doctor performed a D&C instead of encouraging me to deliver, so a bunch of scar tissue was left behind and my hormones have been all screwed up. I kep getting hemmoragic cysts and my doctor thinks my fallopian tubes are blocked with scar tissue, so I'll probably be looking at a long time and a lot of medical intervention before I get pregnant. It's not the way I wanted it either. I also wanted to have children before I turned 30 (which my mother keeps scoffing at, saying 'you'll have children when you have children' - easy for her to say). So I know EXACTLY how you feel and I'm sorry you have to go through it. You know that saying you wouldn't wish something on your worst enemy? I really feel that way about this. I would NEVER want ANYONE have to feel the way I feel. Especially nowadays with the paparazzi acting like women in Hollywood just invented the concept of getting pregnant - I have to look at tabloids of pregnant women at the supermarket, and it seems EVERYWHERE I go lately, there are scores of pregnant women and women with newborn babies (which mine would've been - she would've been 5 weeks old today.)
Keep your hope going. Someday when you're running your children to soccer or karate practices, you'll barely even remember all the suffering you had to go through to conceive them. At least that's what I keep telling myself.