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auralpoison
HAH! True that, Zoya! They almost all had Euro penis turtleneck sweaters! I saw Euro dick up close & personal long before I saw cut, all American cock. I saw my first uncircumsized one when I was about fourteen, I don't think I saw a cut dick (Outside of my dad's extensive porno collection.) until I was sixteen or so. I had grown used to foreskins & then voila! The difference is... interesting.
pepper
hmm, my kid's papa is portuguese and has his whole penis, nothing chopped off. and an old lover who's astonian has all the pieces of his bits too. i'm sure there were others with the whole real deal but i do think all the north american whiteys had the ends of their stuff lopped off, so sad. the one french-from-france dude isn't even worth remembering, he was just so oogy beyond looking at that i've put it out of my mind.
does "foreign" count if they were born in canada or moved here young, are we just talking about vistors from other countries? gotta say then, the french fella was my only so i don't have much to base it on. loved the accent but that's about all i've got!
sybarite
Ah yes, the turtleneck. First time I came across one I was like 'oh, I've heard of these. What do I do with the extra?' Practice makes perfect... hopefully. biggrin.gif

I may be wrong, or looking back through rose-tinted glasses, but it seems to me in my experience US guys were, um, bigger than the euro guys. Honest! I put it down to extra vitamins.
pleiades
i have a serious weakness for rough-around-the-edges scottish men. and their accent! *drool* my current lover is scottish, and looks it, though there's no accent there. but he is uncut *double drool* and mmmmmmmmm...

my recent ex is iranian. i could listen to him speak farsi for HOURS. and he was the most kind, intelligent, funny... it was very very long distance though, which is why it didn't work out.
girltrouble
i can't help but giggle at the 'turtleneck' conversation, but... smelly freddy...? wtf?!?
auralpoison
The French guys all smelled okay until the first break. Then they smelled like foot & ass for the rest of the day. Freddy was gorgeous. He wore cool scarves & loved the Doors & shagged like a demon. Plus, he lived in my neighborhood.
zoya
I'm a fan of the turtleneck. Oh yes I am. I mean, I'm not gonna run away screaming if some guy I like turns out to be cut when I first see it, but am delighted when I see the uncut fellas. it makes handjobs so easy and fun! and it adds an extra little fun thing to giving head.

is this TMI? biggrin.gif


ETA: am i responsible for this thread completely devolving into rhapsodising over foreign men's uncut bits? (not apologising, just sayin'...)
girltrouble
lol... "sporting a turtleneck" is now part of my lexicon. as in:"you're the one who likes 'em sporting a turtleneck. i like the crew neck, so you can have him." thanks a million, busties!!

ap, i think you've spooked me off of ever going to france. the idea of a whole nation of afternoon funk is too much for me.
nickclick
hmmmm i'm mixed about the turtleneck. the turtle's fun when he's outta the shell, but when he goes back home... not so cute.
greenbean
Ha! AP I knew you had my list beat!!
Dude, Germans are weird, but its amusing. They are all stoic and say things like "I find you very engaging" and youre like? "Really? Cuz you look pissed." They certainly dont romance like the French and Italian, but give 'em a chance and they can be real sweet.

Zoya, turtlenecks make for fun handjobs, hee!
mornington
what nickclick said... although zoya is right too.

i think the trimming depends on where they're from. english guys are a mix of both...
sybarite
Just to join in on the sweeping generalisations... smile.gif

I agree with you about the german dudes greenbean. I had a lovely German bf: his actions were very sweet but his face was always solidly stoic. I never had any idea of what he was thinking. Very goodlookin' though.

Mornington, the only brit I ever came across who was trimmed was Jewish...
culturehandy
I agree with nickclick. But my overall preference is for a cut man...

Mind you, cock is cock, really. as long is le boy is clean, and know's what he's doing, then it really doesn't matter.
indiechick
germans aren't all that bad. my boyfriend is a turtle-necked german. i love the turtle-neck - it makes things so much easier. ;-) actually, i've never had a circumsized boyfriend so i can't tell how the cut version works / can be worked.

i am german by the way and will refrain from making comments about the american guys i have encountered. smile.gif
greenbean
Don't get me wrong, I love Germans! The boy I was with was sweet and gorrrrgeous, (dark hair blue eyes, great body)..I was just so shocked when he first kissed me cuz prior, the looks he was giving me, I thought he took me for a moron!

Indiechick, I for one will not be offended by your opinion of American boys, I'll prolly agree with you.

Hmmm, boy from London was cut, boy from Brighton was not. Both were huge (hee hee). Gawd I miss the Brits, grrr! tongue.gif
mornington
i want to know, indie!

so far, it's been a fifty-fifty split on turtlenecks to cut on my english boys. there's a difference, and while the turtleneck is easier to work, i was fine with the trimmed version once i'd gotten used to it. but cock is indeed cock rolleyes.gif

i found the german boys i knew were a lot more reserved when it came to putting on the moves... unfortunately never got further than that. sweet though.
culturehandy
I gave my Portuguese friend a blow job, and he had a wonderful cock. Big, but not overly so, and it, it was just damned wonderful.

The biggest thing that I found I had to adjust to was in giving hand jobs, between the circumsized and uncircumsized men, obviously, but when it came to sex or oral sex, I didn't have to adjust much.
sybarite
Indie, I'll probably agree with you too. Fire away!

BTW, I was nuts about my one German bf... I just never knew what he was thinking! (Which obviously could have been my problem.)
sinfullysmitten
Thanks for responding to my foreign men question, lol smile.gif Never thought about the cock part till now, though! You girls are too funny!

So to give you an update, this guy is very very forward, and it kind of freaks me out!!! If an American guy said things like, "How is my Queen?" etc, we'd be like, WTF, especially if we haven't met them IRL yet!!! So I am having a hard time reading Mohamed [his name - guy from Cairo]. Is this how foriegn guys are - forward? How do I know I'm not being played!
?!
kickitkickitkickit
QUOTE(sinfullysmitten @ Jan 19 2007, 09:55 PM) *

Thanks for responding to my foreign men question, lol smile.gif Never thought about the cock part till now, though! You girls are too funny!

So to give you an update, this guy is very very forward, and it kind of freaks me out!!! If an American guy said things like, "How is my Queen?" etc, we'd be like, WTF, especially if we haven't met them IRL yet!!! So I am having a hard time reading Mohamed [his name - guy from Cairo]. Is this how foriegn guys are - forward? How do I know I'm not being played!
?!



I'd just be careful with meeting people online and people from different countries. So many women (in particular) have gone out looking for love online and have ended up hurt or killed. If this is your real picture in your av, you are an absolutely beautiful woman and you should have no problem finding someone irl. PLEASE be safe. I do not want to hear about something happening to you.
sinfullysmitten
thank you kickit for the compliment. i will heed your advice....my gut has been trying to tell me something, but i just don't know if i am intimidated by the cultural difference or if my gut feeling is valid *sigh* thanks again hun.
tyger
So, I have a question about sticking my nose into business that is maybe not mine.

Before I met my boyfriend (we will have been going out for 5 months in a few weeks) he was engaged to another girl (she lives a full day's drive away, it was long distance, most people we both know don't know her well). They broke up this time-ish last year, I think. I only know about her because it was mentioned by a few people when they found out that me and the boything were dating.

I kind of want to ask him about her/what happened, but I don't even know what I want to know. I don't know if it's my business. I think part of this stems from us being really young (i'm almost 20, he's almost 21), and it confounds me to no end that someone would even get engaged when they were 19, and it kinda freaks me out that I started dating that kind of person without knowing it.

So I guess I'm wondering if this is really my business, and how I should go about trying to talk to him about it if it is.
nickclick
i think it's your beeswax for sure. always good to know the circumstances of our sig other's dating past. maybe there's some pattern you don't want to be a part of? did you share yours?
maimy
Tyger, five months is long enough you should be able to at least open the subject. Most likely, its having been a year since the relationship was over, he might feel able to discuss it - but some people never feel comfortable with conversations about an Ex with a Current, so try not to take it personally if he doesn't pick it up. Unless he displays some sort of response that red-flags his emotions about the situation to you, sleeping dogs may be well enough left alone if he doesn't want to get into it. I'd say bring it up, but only to indicate you're interested and non-judgmental; not in any way that makes him feel defensive.
bustygirl
I don't like turtlenecks on guys, whether literally or figuratively. Most of my boyfriends have been american, though. Of course, they've been korean-american, african-american, west indian-american, franco-american, irish-bohemian-american, and what have you. Now I'm married to my lovely Columbian-Italian-Chibchan-Scotch-Irish-Norwegian-American.
mornington
tyger, i'd bring it up, but in a share-and-share-alike conversation. and don't push it, he may not feel comfortable discussing it - so yes, all non-judgemental and all that good shit. you two have a pretty good relationship, so you should be able to talk about it.

my ex was engaged at twenty, and it ended really messily; i know a lot of the shit in our relationship and how he related to me linked back to her. I tend to be one of those people who's fairly open about my previous relationships, though, and most of the guys I've dated haven't been too uncomfortable discussing thier pasts with me.
tyger
that's sort of what i was thinking, i just feel a bit uncomfortable bringing it up because it will end up being all about his relationship, as i didn't date until him.

i guess i'll just bring it up when it strikes me as a good time. a time when i'm not afflicted with foot in mouth disease
girlygirlgag
I think you should bring it up, and what the other BUSTIES have said.

Turlenecks on guys.....Depends on what kind of turtleneck it is and definately the guy.

If he has a short nceck, no. But, if he is a "stylish, dapper" guy, I have seen it pulled off and done well......But it is not for just every man. He needs that certain "Je ne sais quoi" wink.gif
hellotampon
I'm not sure if this is the right thread, but I was thinking about Valentine's Day, since it's in a few days. What do you guys normally do?

I don't usually make a huge deal about it- I understand why people hate it- For the first 3 years of high school I had no boyfriend and felt like a loser on that day, and I know it's cheesy and stupid- but I still kind of like it anyway, for its non-sappy stuff, at least. I like it the way second-graders like it: eating candy and passing out dumb little cards to everyone in your class and wearing a ridiculous heart-covered outfit. I like all minor holidays.

Last year I made vegan chocolates and painted heart boxes for my friends (I don't remember what i did with my boyfriend! haha), but right now I'm flat broke (and so is he), plus we have classes all day long.

I guess I'm just fishing for straws. I want to do something! I don't want to wait for May Day to get my cute holiday fix.
starpiste
For Valentines, I'm making cards with origami hearts in cute paper on the front for a few friends. It's not something I usually hate, but since I'm usually single, actually caring about it is exciting. The boy is planning something for Valentines, but I have no idea what. I'm being kind of cheesey and have made something, but nothing that big and making stuff is what I do.

Going along with my being new to this whole relationship thing, we're getting more and more serious and I'm getting preoccupied with doing things in a "normal" order and time frame, even though I logically know it doesn't really exist. We've been dating for 3 months or so, but only been exclusive for half of that. This isn't my first relationship, but it's my first in several years.

Currently he's spending about 4 nights a week at my place and has a toothbrush here, and I want to give him a set of keys (we have slightly conflicting schedules and this would be simplify things) and have him keep other things here but I'm worried it's too early. Not because I think it'll freak him out, but because I'm rushing into something.

But this is super long now and I don't know really what I'm needing to hear. hmm. maybe some personal experiences of how you knew it was time to take steps to move things forward?
nickclick
it's hard not to create timelines or think there's rules or compare our relationships to others from our past or other people's, but when you do things when and how you both are ready for, it's so liberating!

if you're ready to give him your key, and he's ready for it, then go for it. maybe don't make it a gift but talk about it with him first. not as exciting, true, but at least you'll know what he's thinking.

when faced with a similar 'milestone' issue, i find myself talking things out with my friends and my mom first before actually talking to my bf. while this is helpful and i'm happy for their support, i usually get many pieces of advice, sometimes conflicting, and when i talk to him it's never as big a deal as i made it.
glassk
i still call someone i was crazy about every few months. I need to know that she's ok, that her life is better for her, that i have nothing with her, but that she still thinks I'm a good person. i think you're ok. it makes me feel better that we're apart, after talking to her, so maybe that's the same. they're not really friends, more acquaintances. maybe he needs validation from her. who knows? i am just saying i think that you probably don't need to worry.
nickclick
i can hardly guess why he still keeps contact if she's not returning the favor, but maybe it's less to do with her and more to do with his past life - being younger, living on the east coast, different job, past friends - that he's trying to get a glimpse of every now and then by talking with her.

whatever it is, you should talk to him and ask him to work it out before your wedding. that's not an insecurity you want to bring with you into marriage. you're not being 'psycho' or jealous, just cautious!
sybarite
Actually rudderless, as someone who recently contacted a long-ago ex, I would agree with nickclick... I got in touch because I wanted to reconnect with where I used to live, in a way. And FWIW I think it backfired for me, as it's just been too long and we've both kind of settled into being quite different people.

If his actions with you are loving and consistent, as they seem to be, I wouldn't worry.
_octinoxate
Hi ladies. Okay, I usually don't hang out in "the Mating Game" much, but something has been on my mind and I bet y'all could help me understand it better. It's not any huge problem, it's just... the man I'm with is older and much more experienced than I am, sexually and relationship-wise. The (pretty small number of) guys I've been with in the past have generally been older and more experienced as well. In a way, that means I'm used to this and it makes it less of a big deal. But in another way, I feel like... I don't know, like I'm only one more number on one more long list, like I'm not special. I realize, of course, that I don't have to be someone's first (or second, or third, or tenth, or...) to be special to them, and the guy I'm seeing says I mean a lot to him. And I believe it. But somehow, I still feel sort of bad. I made the mistake of asking him a few days ago how many women he's slept with (I know, I know...) and it just compounded what I'd already been feeling about this "experience gap". Moreover, this guy (like the others I've dated) wants to date me exclusively/be committed, so it's not even like I'm "catching up" at all in terms of dating around (or sleeping around)... I'm not having my own free-wheeling casual dating/sex youth. I know it's not a race, or a game, or whatever... but still I feel uncomfortable with the experience gap. And I don't get why. I'm progressive, I'm free-thinking... my self-esteem is fairly good generally... and he cares about me and doesn't talk a lot about past partners (although I've heard a couple stories, seen a couple pictures)... and he got STD tested so that's not really a concern... so what's the big deal? Why do I still feel unsettled? I'm confused. Anybody else been in this situation (in my position, or on the other side of it) and care to share your perspective?
sybarite
I've probably been on the other side of the experience situation when it comes to sex but not relationships so much. I had considerably more sexual experience than most of my boyfriends I think, as I had a (mostly) gratifying slutty phase when I was 20 or so then was serially monogamous: most of my relationships up until the current mister lasted about a year.

For me, the most meaningful and best sex I've ever had has been with my mister, who came along after all of the above. Personally I never really compared people; it seems kind of horrible to do so and in any case finding out about the new person is fun. wink.gif It really is about quality IMO, and by that I don't mean special tricks; I mean the depth of communication and feeling. /soppiness

I lack long-term relationship experience, however, and have had to learn a lot. I have been with men with more experience in longer-term relationships and generally I learned a lot from them: about how to fight and about having faith in the future. I used to feel a little, I dunno, flighty by comparison: like I hadn't really done my time in some mythical relationship trenches.

I'm sorry if you're feeling bad. If you like him and feel he likes you I really would try not to worry. Hopefully articulating your unease has helped, but you know, you feel the way you feel. All you can do is try and make sense of it and go on from there.

Hope the above waffle helped...
maimy
Hi, Octinoxate!

This may well be a way-out theory, but what struck me about your post was that the language seemed to say you had set yourself up to deny yourself.

The first thing I noticed was that you seem to choose partners who make you feel inexperienced - and in very limited terms, inadequate by comparison. I don't mean it seems like you gravitate to men who make you feel bad about yourself wholly, but that in the context of sexual experience (and possibly life experience), you have been casting yourself in the role of either student, or ingenue, or neophyte, or youngster. Doing this, you've prevented yourself feeling as if you could be "special" to those you choose to be with, and maybe you've prevented yourself feeling as if you *are*, intrinsically, special.

This brings us to the second thing I noticed: your language. The way you equate your youth with free-wheeling, the way you've created a situation which prevents you from "catching up". It makes you seem to be both envious and judgmental of people you both see as more worldly than you, and perhaps also less worthy. This would be a pretty natural extension of the virgin/whore cultural dichotomy we're indoctrinated with. The way it reads, it's as if you see this time of your life as requiring a certain debauchery, but you have prevented yourself from participating in that. Either you have been taught to believe free-wheeling sex is wrong, or you genuinely do not desire this supposed ideal of sexual experience for yourself. That part is impossible to say from your post. But if you can figure out what lies at the bottom of your feelings about free-wheeling sex, you can figure out which approach is informing your choices - the desire to break free of some mental bondage and get around more than you do, or the desire to stay true to a less-varied course of experience.

Neither of those things is superior to the other, except insofar as one is more truly what you want. To "catch up" sexually with those you perceive as being "ahead" of you would not make you a slut. But to go your own pace, even as you perceive others as going beyond your own comfort zone doesn't make you a prude, either.

Whatever is informing your quandary here, the first judge of your behavior is YOU, and nobody else's experience (or lack of it) should or should not be your example. Only what you desire, can achieve, and are comfortable with should set your goals. Nobody else's yardstick is a reasonable way to gauge "too much" or "not enough" ...
_octinoxate
Sybarite: thanks for sharing your experience. It was helpful for me to remember/realize that he's likely not making any comparisons and rather just appreciating me for me.

Hi, Maimy! Your theory has definitely gotten some more wheels turning in this head of mine. Thank you for that. I'm gonna go ahead and react to some of your observations here in this post and hopefully that will get them straighter in my head:

-Yes. I do end up choosing partners who make me feel inexperienced (and maybe thus inadequate... not sure). I'm trying to figure out if this is just because I have *always* gotten along better with folks who are somewhat older than me, so it's natural that I tend to date them... or if there's something else going on. I'm also trying to figure out why the best relationship I've ever had was the only one with someone my age/experience level, and the only one who made me feel truly special. Also--damn--I keep remembering this bit I read from a psych textbook about how we gravitate toward people who confirm our beliefs about ourselves--NOT necessarily those who have the most favorable beliefs about us. I used to struggle with self-esteem/self-worth issues, and though I've mostly resolved them, I wonder if maybe the men I choose to be with (though they generally treat me nicely) confirm the leftover self-doubts in some ways and that's why I'm drawn to them or stay with them.

-Also, I was thinking about this idea that I'm envious AND judgmental of more sexually experienced people. That was hard for me to hear, but looking at it honestly, I believe there is truth to it. I was indeed brought up to believe that free-wheeling sex is wrong. Several years ago I decided I disagree with that notion, but I still haven't 100% internalized the new (much more liberal) sexual ethics I adopted instead. I still, for instance, am very scared of STDs and I think on some level still equate them with some sort of "punishment" for doing what I "shouldn't" be doing.

-On "which approach is informing [my] choices- the desire to break free of some mental bondage and get around more... or the desire to stay true to a less-varied course of experience": Gosh, I have to conclude that it's both. I want to be virgin and whore, I guess. Too bad those are mutually exclusive wink.gif (Or are they? Oh, of course not. Maybe what this is all about is me needing to find my own way to integrate, synthesize the two... and trust that the partner(s) I'm with can do the same, eg, they aren't just players if they've had many partners.)

-One final thought: it's not that I feel I'm "supposed" to be debaucherous in my twenties, but rather that I likely won't get a chance to do it later when I've committed to the right person... one of those "strike while the iron is hot" things. Maybe that's entirely off-base/irrational, but it's informing my desires nonetheless.

(Sorry for the novel, thanks for giving me this space to sort things out and helping me along with it, y'all.)
nickclick
jet li on a corvette? ooooh that's hot....

this may be fairly OT, but mr.nc keeps having bad dreams that i'm cheating on him. he's not the jealous type, doesn't ask me too much about exes and doesn't get weird when i'm friendly to other guys, my guy friends, etc. (believe me, i've seen that shit with friends' boyfriends and it ain't cool). i think it's more that he thinks he's not good enough for me, something like that. how do i quell his insecurity?
playfaster
This is OT, but it's something I've been thinking about a lot, and I'm looking for some other opinions on this and how you ladies handle similar situations in your relationships (if you have them. similar situations I mean - not relationships.).

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and we've been friends for five. We live together, and on the whole, have an awesome relationship. BUT...

The porn. I don't have a problem with porn in general. I don't have a problem with sex workers. I even watch porn from time to time. But it seems like he likes it a little TOO much, and it's really starting to bug me. We've talked about it before, and he gets super defensive and says he doesn't feel comfortable with me telling him what to do with his own body. But I'm not telling him he can't jerk off, I'm telling him that getting out of a ten-minute shower and realizing he did it at the desk in the living room in front of the computer while I was out of the room for TEN MINUTES freaks me out. If he gets home from work before me, it's like a race to do it before I get home. He's not sneaky about it, and I don't know if that irritates me more or less.

I guess my point is that I'm having a really hard time articulating why it upsets me so much, and the fact that he gets so defensive about it and we can't have an actual adult conversation about it doesn't help. Thoughts? Advice?
kelkello
Okay, I need help. I have a wonderful boyfriend. He is sweet, kind, faithful, a loving father to his four daughters, and treats me like a princess (albeit the feisty one that I happen to be...) when I see him. What's the problem, you may ask? Well...he is two years out of his marriage with a woman who cheated on him and left him. For the sake of his kids, he is friends with her. Hell, I'm friends with her. The problem is that he is so gun shy after being in such a dysfunctional relationship for so long that he can't imagine ever being married again. I don't know if I even want to get married. I know I don't want my own kids. We live in the same town, but I only really see him on weekends when the ex has the kids. He is not hiding his kids from me or me from them. I am involved in the lives of his kids, but his schedule doesn't really allow for us to "hang out" during the week. So I pretty much have a great guy I only get to see on weekends. He doesn't want to move in together and he admits that it's likely to stay that way for a very long time. He has some independence after having a controlling wife for fifteen years and is not feeling the need to give that up anytime soon. I don't know what I want. Most of the time I'm just thrilled to have this man in my life because he really is a good man. However, some nights, like tonight, I wish I had a real partner, not just a weekend warrior. I don't know if this is enough for me. But I can't imagine my life without him. Do I break up with a really wonderful man I love and start over, or do I hang in there and try to accept the good with the bad? It took me so long to find a man like him. I can't imagine starting over.
mouse
EDIT because of this shouldn't be on the internet!

for those who already read it, i'm not DOING anything, obviously. it was just a surreal poetic "blast from the past" as they say, and i do enjoy being charmed by elfish aliens who clearly see me as their beatrice....
auralpoison
Flurking schnit. That's some krazy with a K!

glassk
mouse i read the whole damn thing......

speechless. that is a poetic heartbreak
. and now what to do? I can't even begin to think of how that must feel.
nickclick
mouse, me too. gotta think of it analytically or mathematically:

times he hurt you before - how many times he's called you since X how many years older he is now + how cute he is = what to do

no really, you can talk to him and hang out with him, feel out your feelings, test the waters, without being his 'girlfriend,' without risking too much and just having fun feeling charmed.
kittenb
kelkello - I wish I had good advice for you, but I don't. It seems that things will work as long as you are happy with what you are getting from him but when that stops being the case,one of you has to either open up more or end things. sad.gif
zoomuzakgirl
It's been an awfully long time since I've been on here (I was gothy a very long while ago, if anyone remembers, but I don't think anyone would.) but I have a problem that I could use some perspective on, and everyone I know is a little too close to the situation.

The boy has a lot of female friends. He has a lot of firneds in general, but most of them tend to be girls. I'm cool with that. Most of them are really sweet and I love hanging out with them. As far as I know, they feel the same about me.

Save for this one girl.

She's in most of his classes at college (they have the same major) and they met around the same time he met me. She has also had a big crush on him since she met him. He knows this (she's written about it in her myspace journal). He knows I know this. She didn't know he had a girlfriend until about 5 or 6 months ago (we've been dating for 15). About 3 months ago, he took me to a classical concert in a serier that they had been attending together. As luck would have it, in this huge concert hall we got seats right next to her. She wouldn't speak a word to me or him all night. She was fuming! It was weird, because not only was she really upset that he had taken me, he was upset too. When she took off at intermission he looked at me and made some catty comment about how now she was upset and I should be happy because I hurt her. For going to a concert. With my boyfriend. Meh.

So I'm not used to having girls not like me because they have a crush on my boyfriend. It's weird and I'm not sure how to handle it. So I try to make the best of the situation and try to send her a friend request on myspace that she never responds to (I know how silly that is, but I really was at a loss for how to handle the situation). I talked to him about how I was really kind of uncomfortable with him being close to someone that was hostile to me simply for being his girlfriend, and he told me that who he was friends with was none of my business (and he was kinda right) and that I shouldn't think about his friendship with her at all. I kinda let it go, still being kinda upset that he was so quick to defend her feelings and to tell me how wrong I was. He also likes to make a big deal about how he's "Not allowed" to take her to these concerts anymore, even though he would like to.

Flash forward to this weekend. Like I said, they are in mostly the same classes at school so they see eachother a lot. SBecause of this, he asked her to play a solo piece in his senior recital. So they are hanging out several times a week for the last month or so leading up to the recital, which kinda grumps me out if only because at this point we're seeing each other once a week because he's so busy with recitally stuff. Night of the recital, not only is that piece dedicated to her, there is a big huge thing in the program where he thanks her for all the work she did and what a wonderful friend she is and how glad he is to have her around.

and now I'm upset. and I know I shouldn't be, and I feel like I'm being a controlling snit, but being ignored for a month because he's spending time with a girl that's been openly mean to me because I dare to exist and having his appreciation for her printed up in the program for all to see is making me feel really unimportant and unloved.

It's seriously bothering me that it matters to me as much as it does and I don't think I'm handling it very well.

Ok. Thanks!
glassk
You know what, zoomuzakgirl? I read your whole story, and now I'm hurt and upset for you. I can't possibly see how you could expect to feel any differently.

I've been the girl who had a crush on the boy she was friends with, the boyfriend of someone else, and you know what, I'm on your side for this. So hang in there, although I'm tempted to say DTMFA. She's not right in her behaviour, but he's also wrong for not understanding your feelings. She's probably interpreting his gestures as romantic interest, even if he doesn't mean it that way. Good luck!

nickclick
hi zoom, i don't think you're asking him NOT to be friends with whomever he chooses, i just think you're asking him to be sympathetic that she's treating you like shit for no other reason than because you're dating who she wants. that's not fair and he should recognize it.

i'm sure he sees that their relationhip ends with school/music/whatev, and she prolly doesn't, as glassk says. see how all goes after school's out, and take it from there.
dj-bizmonkey
just jumping in here, but i'm really hoping you wise wenchs can assist me in navigating a super awk-to-the-ward situation.

i met this guy about a year ago, we had a 5 day tryst and i never expected to see or hear from him again. lo and behold, 2 weeks after our last encounter he's written me this long, beautiful letter (we met on vacation and don't live anywhere near eachother), with a self-addressed, stamped envelope in it. i was floored. this letter writing campaign ensued and we've been going back and forth now since september, talking on the phone periodically as well.

then i got the opportunity to go to costa rica and do field work for 7 months. then he suddenly got a bunch of student loan overages and decided he wanted to come visit.

here comes the awk, the visit is in about a week and i'm going to have to bring him into a very overwhelming living situation right off the bat. when you're a monkey researcher, you don't exactly get to stay at the ritz. picture outdoor dormitory with tiny closet rooms, creaky bunk beds with cardboard mattresses. there are 12 of us here now, plus my phd advisor will be here with here 1 year old daughter. i know it's going to be overwhelming, here's my question. do y'all have any tips about how to ease back into knowing eachother? how can i make this any less awkward than it undoubtedly will be? is there any way to prepare him, or my roomies (who are all, for the most part, understanding individuals, including my advisor) for what's about to occur. any advice, whether wise or silly would be greatly appreciated.

oh, and zoom, i think you are 100% entitled to the way that you are feeling, unfortunately, since he already overreacted (in my humble opinion) the first time you brought it up, your hands may be tied when it comes to talking to him. (i cannot BELIEVE that he blamed you for the way that she acted at the concert) you've obviously tried really hard to be kind and civil to this girl and i think that's what you should continue to do. it's best to bitch to your girlfriends, or in here, get it out of your system and then kill her with kindness. that way, in the end, even if you're fuming inside, you still look calm, cool, collected and she still looks jealous, crazy and petty.
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