The ads on Feministing are so irritating!

In general, because I walk so fast, people who are walking ahead of me, with no awareness of what's behind them. Specifically, people walking slowly, slowly ahead of me, holding a snow shovel horizontally, when the snow banks are so big that there is only about 2-3 feet of sidewalk left.

The craziness that ensues when the snowbanks reach so far into the street and then cars park further into the street and huge cube trucks end up driving up on the sidewalk. I have shared a sidewalk with a huge truck in motion more than once this week.

Interesting theory, hoosierman. I'd believe it, but I've almost been hit by a city bus because they didn't use their turn signal. Maybe the public transit board decided to spend the money elsewhere...

And watching people drive when it rains or snows gets really fun when they live in a warm, dry climate where it seldom rains and never snows, except in the mountains (The last time I went snowboarding I was almost run off the road by someone who insisted on driving the speed limit during a blizzard.). What's even more infuriating is that most of these people used to live in places where it rained or snow regularly, you think that they'd retain some vague memory of how to drive in those conditions.

People can't remember how to drive in snow from one year to another even in the Great White North, Lilac, its like a huge national amnesia.

I know, Dusty, I've lived through lots of cold, snowy winters that involved stupid drivers, guess my brain blocked that part of winter out.

Sometimes I get a little too optimistic about people, then I'm reminded not to get my hopes up.

if I hear or see the word "Bespoke" one more time, I'm going to gouge someone's eyes out with an icepick.

Cob; People who take up two parking spots.

Similar Cob; people who park super close to me, asshole, why not just in my car the next time?

http://www.youparklikeanasshole.com/

Bwaaaahahahahahaha.

Dusty, that is fantastic!

Hee. Glad I had the opportunity to pass it along...

So. If you really have to drive half on the sidewalk because your fucking SUV is too big to fit in the street now because the street is one-way, there are huge snow banks and parked cars, then at least slow down and get off your fucking phone.

People who smoke right at the entrance to buildings. I don't give a fuck if you smoke, but please smoke elsewhere.

Cigarette butts drive me insane, use the fucking disposal thing-y.

The little authentication boxes on websites where they require you to type in the letters/number you see provided in a box.

And then MAKE THE LETTERS/NUMBERS completely unreadable.

?

You must be talking about Myspace... I hate that crap too! GAAAH!

Oh, and when they use letters that look the same in lower- and upper-case (like "C", "K", "O", "S", "U", etc.) and they expect you to know which it is and then you're wrong and have to start over. I wish they'd just do numbers!

wierd things people do/wear at the gym...for example...
guys who cut the sleeves and sides off their shirts (i dont need to see your sweaty nipples)
people who wear jeans/jean shorts
girls who are bigger than a b cup who think its not necessary to wear a sports bra (ouch!)
girls who i see in the locker room applying makeup before their workout
the girl with her thong hanging out of her spandex
people who have their ipods up so loud that i can hear their music over mine

i second the girls applying make-up before a workout. sheesh, it is so counter-intuitive.

cob: automatic 'latte' machines. i'm sorry, but i've been a barrista for years and there is a huge difference between a latte that you steam by hand and the espresso shot covered in pure foam that you just handed to me. how am i supposed to sip on a drink which is the consistency of my bubble bath.

wow. i am a coffee snob.

thirded on make up before a workout.

Cob: People who ride my ass when I'm in line. You riding my ass isn't going to make the clerk go faster. I did say something to a family of 8 that was doing that one time, and they got all offended.

I hate that too. I hate people standing way too close to me when I'm in line. I want to bark at them to back the fuck up.

thirded on too close in the line. i just got some food from the cafeteria and this lady was so close to me i could feel her breath on my neck. soooo icky.

Ewwww, feeling someone' breath? Blech.

Cob; stray shopping carts in parking lots.

Cob; shopping carts with crappy wheels.

cob: someone starting off a sentence with "no offense, but..."

you could be about to say "no offense but you look like you fell from the ugly tree and hit every fucking branch on the way down!"

how am i not supposed to take offense to that?

if you're going to say something offensive, just fucking SAY IT.

That's when you turn around, hold out your arm and say firmly, "ARM'S LENGTH!" and force some room between you. It might make you look crazy, but it works and who cares? You'll never see them again. It's a fun self-defense move I learned to use in situations that aren't necessarily dangerous, but still uncomfortable.

What the hell are my neighbors running that sounds like a washing machine downstairs?!! Cause there sure as hell isn't a washing machine in MY apartment!!


anti-cob: there's going to be a total lunar eclipse tomorrow!
http://www.astronomy.com/asy/default.aspx?c=a&id=6613

Its probably a washing machine.

Mr. Dusty's neighbours have an illegal washing machine and there's never ANY hot water in his building on weekends now. I swear they're running a laundry.

Cob - people who forward 0h-so-cute emails. It's my landlord! WTF? We're not buddies! Why do I want to watch a PowerPoint presentation about angels?

Cob - ground blizzards. I had no idea what they were until I came out here. I swear they shut the interstate down every other day.

Cob - the munchies. I'm doing so great with this healthy thing. But then I find myself in the kitchen eating handfuls of brown sugar.

Anti-Cob - the middle-aged guy at the gym who has lost what looks like a hundred pounds in the last two years. He walks around the track in dress slacks, a nice brown belt, an ironed shirt, and sneakers. I want to give him a high-five every time he passes.

I have to get in on my hatred of power point presentations that are forwards and that have angels in them. I like the funny ones, but the the chain mail ones threatening the wrath of god on me don't impress me. And they are cheesey. And I hate the music.

cob: POTHOLES!

nuff said

I too hate it when someone practically tries to crawl up inside your ass in line. Especially when they pointedly reach for the divider at the grocery store and pretend to be straining around you to get it and then they slam it on the belt as though you were sooooo rude for not dropping everything and handing it to them. Sorry but squeezing your items on the belt and practically running me over is not going to affect how fast the cashier rings.

I never wear my hair down, otherwise I would flip it in their faces. Maybe next time that happens I'll just start coughing and hacking in their direction. People are so petrified of germs these days that they'll probably just run away.

That's another thing. It seems like every other television commercial is warning you about the dangers of germmmmmmmmmmmms omg! I actually saw a Dixie cups commercial where kids were using a paper cup for something stupid and then throwing it in the trash. The premise was that an actual cup has GERMS on it that could KILL your CHILD. Too bad you were so busy sanitizing everything in sight when he was a baby that he never built up any immunity and probably WOULD get sick from a stupid cup. Oh and disposable toilet brushes- who cares? You brush your toilet with it, not your teeth.

I usually try and stick one foot way back towards them so that at least my leg is putting a little distance between us.

those ads about germs are hysterical. Germs exist for a reason. thankyouverymuch.

Cob; mass amounts of packaging. I shouldn't need a pick axe to open something up.

COB: People who send those annoying azz chain letter emails; then when you tell them you HATE forwards, they laugh, smile, and say "I know me too!" , then send you 5 more forwards instructing you to send it to 5000000 other people or you'll have bad luck for the next 10 yrs.

They just don't get it!

second and third to hellotampon and culture about over-sanitizing. i wonder why we now have anti-biotic resistant strains of tuberculosis, syphyllis, etc. here's a tip. wash your filthy little hands. you can just rinse the bacteria off, you don't have to annihilate it.

cob: me being to busy when i got out of the car to remember my umbrella. now it's pouring rain and i have to walk 10 blocks to an appointment.

cob: new olreans total failure to re-engineer two failing pumping stations, so not only am i soaked from above, i'm wading through a foot of water.

Why not just trot your kid around in a plastic bubble.

Start marketing them, CH. You'll be rich!

Big, huge, prickly cob....self righteous baby fucking boomers.

I was at a party today, I only knew the guest of honor...she said to me in front of her other friends, "happy birthday"...I said, yeah, it was the big 4-0....and the baby boomer women (all over fifty) started mocking me like, rubbing their eyes, crying, like "oh, cry me a river"...and I was thinking to myself, "I wasn't complaining, I was just stating a milestone for me."
They totally were condescending toward me and I felt awful.

Bitches.

I'm sorry, is your father dead? Is your mother in a nursing home with alzheimers disease and calling you "mommy"??? Until that time you have no fucking right to denigrate me.

I just hate that. It seems like that particular generation has been spoonfed this whole "I am special" garbage and they believe it and now if anybody is younger they aren't worthy.

This is why I get bitter.

*no offense to any non self-righteous baby boomers here....

Ugh how obnoxious. I hate that condescending attitude.

Along a similar line, I have a woman at work who constantly refers to me as "sweetheart" and "honey" and repeats exactly what I just said and acts like she was the one who came up with the idea and that she's "learning me a thing or two." Plus she's a fake bitch who has that fake laugh and smile and totally patronizes me, as if I'm too stupid and poor to know that she's even doing it.

I haven't figured out a way to safely get her back at this yet, besides avoiding her every chance I get.

Cob: Ralph Nader

I actually like Ralph Nader, but I really hate the fact that he's decided to run for president. He's NOT going to win, and all it's going to do is split off people who would probably vote Democratic (I was going to say "for Obama" but that's jumping the gun a little..) and it could, once more, tip the balance. THAT makes me nuts.

Cob: People who listen to their iPod's too loud. I hate fity cent. I wouldn't listen to him, so why would I want to listen to you listening to him?

Cob: People who chew on their finger nails then spit them out. Gross.

Cob: People who chew on toothpicks when they are done with them. Actually, people who pick at their teeth in public kinda creep me out. I don't want to know what is stuck in your back molar.

cob: look honey, we all know your paranoid germaphobe ass is far to precious to actually sit down on the toilet seat even with the dubious protection of the tissue-paper liner, but for fuck's sake, if the seat looks like it was just visited by an epileptic old man with palsy when you're through, squat closer to the target, and give it a courtesy wipe when you're done. or did you really think the next person to go in would mistake big yellow blobs of your germ-filled pee for backwash from the high-power flush? uh, here's a clue: no.

i second the ralph nader cob. what a megalomaniac.

Cob; People who leave 20 messages a day. You know what's it's called when you call me and call me and call me? It's fucking telemarketing. it's month here, it's busy!

the IRS


need i say more?

major pet peeve: people who tailgate me while talking on their cell phone

major pet peeve: when I'm looking at something in a store and it could be the most useless, ugly piece of garbage but someone else just HAS to come over and invade my personal space to also look at it, as if they're afraid they're going to miss out on something.

major pet peeve: when someone stands over my shoulder when I'm at my desk

Right, kinkaju. I hate it if someone is standing too close to me in a store. I move an inch, they move an inch. I just hate people in my personal space, period.

Cob: People who block their phone numbers. I'm not going to fucking answer if I don't know who it is.

Anticob: People who block their numbers. Then I don't have to answer.

People who call and ring the phone a million times and I don't answer, and then they immediately call again two seconds later! As if they think they're going to trick me into answering.
God I have become so anti-phone lol

i hear you about the dixie cups and other totally pointless disposable stuff, why not get your kids a new tooth brush every time they brush their teeth if you insist they need a new cup! for petes sake! the cup has the exact same germs as the toothbrush!

i am going to add swiffers to that list. they are alright for cleaning small messes like the bathroom floor every once and a while, but my roomie uses them in the kitchen (which just ends up smearing the grease and spilled shit thats dried on the floor) i think swiffers are worthless...whats wrong with a good old fashioned mop?

and while im on this wastefullness kick...

when i see perfectly good recyclable items (especially when theyre not dirty-like juice bottles) in the trash! i just want to lock wasteful people up in their own filth so i wont have to deal with it in the future.