May 14 2006, 11:14 PM
I told my first lie in a long time tonight. When I said I missed you I didn't mean it in the least. I know it was Mother's Day & that yes, technically, you are the she-devil that birthed me. The word "mother", however, is a term of endearment & respect & I feel neither of these things for you. I don't appreciate your attempt at manipulating me with your crocodile tears. It was just one more headgame; you know it, I know it. It's just like the car key you slipped under the door & your stalking me at CB's. You're a fucked up headcase & I have no right to be as normal & not screwed up as I am. My head is screwed on straight & I am successful. Daddy may have been a total bastard in some respects (You shouldn't tell your little girl that she's ugly & that nobody will ever love her everyday, even if she is that ugly. I still don't understand why you let him.), but he was a bastard a lot of the time because he didn't want me to be like you. He knew you were a compulsive liar, but he loved you enough to put up with it. You got me involved in your bullshit at an early age & because you were my protector I blindly followed. Now that I know you as an adult, I loathe you for it. You're dispicable & were a horrible parent. Thank cod for the TV that actually raised me!
I haven't spoken to you since August for a reason. Because I didn't have anything to say. I really don't want to see you, but until you come out here & get your things, I won't be fully rid of you. Not to mention the fact that you owe me something like $15,000. That's my being kind, it's probably closer to twenty. I will call you tomorrow like I said I would, but don't expect me to be anymore friendly than I was tonight. We're not friends. Hell, if I didn't share your DNA I wouldn't talk to you at all. I guess I just want to say, don't get your fucking hopes up. I've taken it up the ass from you one too many times & I don't believe a word out of your mouth. You're a liar & a thief. You want to come out, fine, but don't think I'm going to put out the red carpet. In fact, I'll probably get a hotel room for that week.
May 14 2006, 11:18 PM
oh, whoops. i didn't really mean to send that email to you. blame it on the wine, hormones or whatever. just ignore it if you can.
May 15 2006, 09:41 AM
Look. I don't know what you're problem is, but your attitude is not acceptable. The boy and I tried to sit down and have an ADULT conversation about our living situation. You flip out like a child and start telling me off about finances and putting me on a fucking guilt trip. I was having a panic attack becuase I can't handle you like that and you kept tearing into me. And when I thought it was over and I was able to completely collapse into the boys arms in the car, you have the nerve to come out to the car open the door, stick half of you in and point your fingers in the boy and I's face, telling us not to talk about your son. Do you realize i had to hold the boy back after you went inside? Do you realize how ugly things could have gotten? And you blamed me becuase Moms nerves about the situation made her physically ill. I did nothing. Get over yourself and your son. He is not perfect and everyone knows it, except for you. You were there for all of the shit he put US through. Don't ou realize how you are sacrificing you're "good" daughter for you're patologically lying, drug abusing, lazy, and irresponsible son. I used to think Elizabeth was a horrible daughter from walking away from you and not looking back, but if you talked to her anything like you talked to me, it doesn't seem so unreasonable. Don't ever give me a fake-ass apology again. If you really meant it, you would have listened to me when i was trying to express how you had urt me instead of walking off and telling me if i didn't like it, i could leave. I can't wait to be financially free of you. I can't wait to finish college and get a job.
May 15 2006, 11:35 AM
dear you -
oh yeah, I forgot to add...
.. you are a lying, ungrateful sack of shit.
May 15 2006, 07:09 PM
Dear Popeye Dog,
I miss you so very much. You are the best dog I ever had. Leaving you was the the hardest of all. I remember looking out into the cold white chicago winter, wishing you were with me then . . .
Now it is rainy in Boston, but I still miss you by my side.
You had a personality that can't be matched. I'm glad your with the Mr. and i'm sure your life in the country is much more fun than anything I could give you here. But- I hope you remember the times I hung peanut-butter-birdseed pinecones outside all the windows to attract squirrels for you to watch and most of all I hope you had an okay time while i was in charge of you.
May 15 2006, 07:11 PM
fuck you, you're not getting my money. if you can't be there to bust me, i can't pay your fine. fuck. off.
go solve a murder with my tax money, cheee-rist.
May 15 2006, 07:14 PM
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! Fuck off!
*gaining my composure back and moving to another topic*
May 15 2006, 07:34 PM
why was the front door open when i came home, yet you were no where to be found? if we weren't parting ways in a week i'd be more pissed. but seriously, we LIVE in a very UNSAVORY area. if my laptop were stolen, i just might have to beat you down.
May 15 2006, 09:28 PM
Don't know if we should be walking down this path again. I'm not over J. And I don't want to trample on you again. But I'm broken and if I get involved with anyone I will just end up hurting them. And I care too much about you to hurt you again.
May 15 2006, 11:13 PM
i love you so much. you are the most important thing in my life. i don't know what i would ever do without you. we will figure out all of this other stuff, and i'm sure it will work out fine for both of us too. no matter what you decide you have my full support. as far as my decision, i'll get through either way...i'm just happy to be able to come home to you every night. you are what keeps me sane, and grounded, and happy. i love you.
May 16 2006, 12:23 PM
That was one of the most insulting emails i have ever gotten. I know you weren't aiming at me personally but still. On behalf of all your "cheapskate" friends and family: OUCH! "You can have an appy and be satisfied"??!!!!??? I thought you were broke... oh right it's your birthday so we are all expected to pick up your tab on top of our appetizer... not so affordable now is it Miss I-drink-too-much??? I'm not going. Besides I don't really want to spend an evening with you and your friends anyways. I have better things to do ... like wash my hair.
May 16 2006, 07:18 PM
if the last time was any indication
your fingers didn't know what spiritual
meant to sex
it's as though i shouldn't say anything at all
because there was no silence comparable
to the way i kissed your mouth
in-between your drags on a lit cigarette
that was the day before we parted
you were on the fire escape out your window
and now every road into the city
feels like remembering
i never trusted you, nor did ______
you pushed me away when i wasn't wet enough
for you, the time i was still bleeding
and you kept wondering if i wanted a penis
instead of you
at night, you'd sweat in your sleep
and then hold me
and sometimes we'd sleep back to back
not touching at all
you cried in your crown chair
one night, when you looked at me
and wondered, "what happened?"
when i tried to leave, you said
i was giving up on the relationship.
when i'd stand in the kitchen to think,
to breathe, to cry
in that small space,
you said i was strange for standing alone
in the dark.
it was night.
the moon was out.
when i saw you last, you looked sad
if i looked at you at all.
i realized i wasn't attracted to you.
i remember the sad lust.
your eyes, and your drinking.
how you spoke strangely, how i got quiet.
i didn't know you.
i told you that.
and you said, "you're the person
who knows me best in the world."
and that's not saying a lot.
May 17 2006, 08:24 AM
unfriendly neighbors across and diagonal from me:
shut the fuck up already!
you're loud and obnoxious and you have booming music and more cars coming in & out than a valet service and frankly, at the times when All Those Visiting Cars are making it difficult for us Your Neighbors to get in & out of our own street & people give us Attitude I am sorely & progressively tempted to start calling the cops.
I have tried to be a good neighbor to you, waving when we pass and even went out of my way the time your big rottweiler was loose bc I knew that he'd be hauled to the pound if anyone else saw him;
your thanks is to look the other way when you see us and barely grunt a thankyou for saving your dog.
disturbance is disturbance. if you want to live like that, MOVE!
May 17 2006, 11:59 AM
Dear online seller,
This is why I don't engage in these kind of conversations--or indeed the transactions which lead to them. I removed the feedback because I don't believe in being nasty and leaving it initially left a bad taste in my mouth. However, I do not respond well to being guilted or to veiled reprimands. What you would have 'appreciated' is not the point: you are a vendor and as far as I am aware are not providing a service equal to that I am used to expecting from the same source. Hence the feedback.
Ahh, what's the point. I am writing here to vent but by cod my life is too short and too full to engage in ongoing debates like these.
I trust I won't be hearing from you again.
May 18 2006, 02:31 AM
Dear person I have dated only 5 times,
You are a fuckwit. You use your disorder to excuse this behaviour and I believe I deserve something better. I, as you have so intelligently pointed out, am a fantastic kisser. I am also quite a foxy lady, as well as being intellectually gifted, interesting on many levels, and more cultured that a cup of yoghurt. Much to your chagrin, I will no longer be available to you to confuse in the name of courtship. I actually prefer straight fucking, if you really want to know, not fuckwitting. Sir, you are not a gentleman. A gentleman would never lead a lady on in this outrageous manner. Your excuses that you are a bit sang-froid are understandable to some degree because of your disorder, but again, do not waste my time simply because you're not sure if you want to screw me or not.
Yours most sincerely,
May 18 2006, 08:31 AM
Dear You Know Who You Are,
You are a horrible angry person. You disregarded everything for you own glory and hurt people to get your way. How does that make you a friend, or even a human? I hope you wake up before karma wakes you up.
May 18 2006, 03:50 PM
I knew it. I knew we were going to have to see each other again. Because of that brief encounter I couldn't sleep much last night. I resent the fact that I need someone like you. Why did you have to go and kiss me. I thought you let the girl make the first move.
Why did you have to be so good at holding me? Why did I let my guard down? I don't know. I really need to a career not a man. Damn I'm so confused. I'm too confused to write this letter properly. It would be nice to write you a real one. but you never write back. and I just don't have it in me to call you.
May 18 2006, 04:09 PM
I purged you. you were gone. why the message? I thought I was pretty clear that I didn't want any contact with you. Not maliciously, not because you're a bad person, not because we had a horrible relationship, but because I was tired. I can't maintain and I think that's what breaking up is.
why did you respond? now you're talking to him again and you said you wouldn't
May 18 2006, 05:11 PM
Fuck you. When I leave a message that says "I misplaced my phone for a few days", how the FUCK do you find it appropriate to start our next conversation with "I don't really believe that you misplaced your phone".
I'm fucking housesitting, fucktard! It was at one house, I was at the other!
And, you fucking fuckhead, you called me so I could help you find somebody to rent the basement. FUCK YOU! I'm tempted to leave it empty just to fuck you over.
Seriously dude, what the fuck?
-D, your tenant who is now looking for another place
May 18 2006, 06:07 PM
It's never gonna work. We might as well just call it a day.
I can still feel your hand on the back of my neck and I love and hate that with equal measure. You will be the ruin of me.
May 18 2006, 08:32 PM
why am I obsessing over nothing?
shit doesn't matter.
and I am still. missing. something.
May 19 2006, 03:11 AM
could my period please start soon? can't take the mood swings and the breasts hurting for much longer.
dear other L
please be patient with me. i know i'm not always easy to be with, but no one is. i wish you could understaand how it hurts me when you go on about how you want a stable adoult life. it always sounds like you're blaming me for everything that's not rght in your life. yes, i'm younger that you but it's always your own decission to go out or spend your money on stupid thinds. it's not my fault that you don't want an office career but at the same time you on't want to make financial sacrefices to be able to be serious about your writing. i wishyou could stop taking it all out on me. it's really not making feel like stronger person that you would want me to be, what i would wat me to be. stop picking on everything that is wrong with me, i'll never stop mumbling and stuttering if you keep pointing them out all the time. and i really hate it that i can't enjoy having sex with you anymore, because everytime i'm just reminded of all the awfull things you said to me before and i just feel like crying. i wish you could take the time to try to fix this thing with me because i would really want that. if you could just listen to me i wouldn't have to start yelling and crying every time.
May 19 2006, 05:38 AM
neighbor I've written to before here:
I'm not your damn internet provider for your kids homework. you got me cornered when you called bc you'd seen me outside. I am NOT picking up the phone or answering the door again for this. you totally fucked up my family's night which I tried to tell you it wasn't a good time, but you didn't want to hear it and overruled me. so- un-cool.
building a bigger fence,
woman next door who is regretting ever being nice
May 19 2006, 08:36 PM
Hey Mr.Rock Star
I am so happy for you.
If someone likes you they're not necessarily demanding you be or do some particular thing, so don't spit in their eye...
It's okay, really
May 19 2006, 11:05 PM
Dear Mr -
You have proved yourself to be a friend. Shit. Wow.
I mean, we're not bosom buddies or anything, but still. You have been a friend. As much as you are capable of.
that is truly amazing to me.
May 19 2006, 11:14 PM
Dear person who is not my friend,
Why don't I like you? Because you remind me of my sister. My sister from whom I am estranged. The self-absorbed, narcissistic, haughty, arrogant, insecure sister. I know you're not my sister and that we don't have the same relationship but you are just so much like her that being around you makes me feel exactly like I feel when I'm with her. And that is not good. In fact it's really awful. So I'm gonna keep on declining your invitations and maybe you'll get it and maybe you won't but we aren't ever gonna kick back and relax together. It's physically/mentally impossible for me to do that with you.
May 20 2006, 06:25 PM
Please can we stop? Please? Please? It's cliche, but I don't have any tears left. I love you, you're my best friend, but I needed you and you blew me off, and made ME feel badly about it to boot. I can't. Please.
May 21 2006, 06:49 AM
Dear Bitchy McCunt,
Do not feel sorry for me because I am not as "enlightened" as you are. Do not sigh and tell me it's so sad because I am bitter. Guess what bitch? I like who I am! Oh and the god damn enlightened don't steal or have you transended that little rule? I hope you piss off more people so we can form a club.
May 22 2006, 06:00 AM
pack the kids stuff and get the fuck out of dodge NOW!
he's not going to change. you know this now.
I know the cops upset you by not being able to do more last night, but they are limited by the law as much as they need YOU to work within it and Help Them Help You. O.P's need YOu to file them.
am here and willing to help as far as I can, but understand also, I am not willing to put my own family at risk. your mr is a nutjob.
go far & go fast and please Please God, be safe.
sorry for avoiding you earlier, I didn't realise things were bad again,
next door & stressed out w/ worry
so this is social work?
spendling sleepless nights listening for every sound outside, ready to call 911 if the crazy next door went off again? surely it's more Abstract than that? less in my face than right on my door?
think about this hard chica, I think it's just called LIFE.
stop freaking out & do the right thing.
call her right now.
you offered, be there.
why is our water brown today? Brown? Huh?
May 22 2006, 03:29 PM
dear elementary backstrokers,
if you are slow as shit, at least allow me to pass you when swimming circles. this means that if you see me coming to the wall and you are about to go have some swimming ettiquite and let me pass you first. I realize that well all want to get our workouts in, but get the fuck out of my way! read the signs posted in the pool or learn how to really swim.
do NOT stand in the lane when fasters swimmers are coming in for a flip turn.
May 22 2006, 05:46 PM
Nope, not interested, not at all. Please don't let this be one of those situations where you only want to be friends if there's some pussy in it for you.
I'm scared. It would be so much easier if it ended now. But you're being wonderful, and I'm completely falling for you. This is gonna hurt.
May 22 2006, 08:25 PM
Dear you -
oh yeah -
Dear friends -
you all really rock. Thanks for putting up with me.
Dear Universe, god, whatever -
please send the right project my way soon. I need it.
May 22 2006, 08:32 PM
you are such a shit
you sound awful
you are awful
you should die
you don't know who you are.
you don't know who your friends are
you don't have real friends
you are whiny
you are selfish
you expect too much of people
you are sick of hip music
you liked kathleen hanna before them
you are quite a bitch
die die die
you are not an artist
you hate artists
you lose friends too quickly.
you are sick of people who revel in their artyness
you hate artsy anything
you don't know how to control your anger
please fix this.
it's only been a week.
it's not summer camp.
get out of the house.
make some shit tomorrow.
go to the art store, buy paper, do something with yourself. please.
May 22 2006, 10:22 PM
Dear Mr. -
I sincerely wish we could be closer friends. Could you try? Would you try?
at least right now it's better than before
May 23 2006, 04:11 AM
dear gods of work and employment
please let the interview go well and PLEASE let me get that job. i so need the money and so need to get out of the house once in a while.
always greatfull, even for the crappiest jobs
May 23 2006, 10:47 AM
Dear review committee,
You wouldn't know good research if it came up and smacked you in the groin. What we did was the cutting edge in our field. Three of the biggest researchers in the field agree on this. They are all super impressed that we have done what we have done. One of them went so far to say it has the potential to become the new standard method for testing neck injury. We worked our asses off on that paper for you. We only had a measly 4 pages to cram in all the points we needed too. And you come back saying there wasn't enough information and that the results were too qualitative!???!!! It's biomechanics idiots of course the results are largely qualitative. You can't express hyperextension type injuries or ruptured ligament in numbers and measures! We gave you the important stuff. That was all we had room for. If you had given us one more page we would have given you force plots and pin tracking diagrams (which by the way mean shit in the study) - all that stuff that you nerd ass, boys club, mech-y type, "can't go piss with out a free body diagram showing you how" jackasses get off on. I hope your conference is plagued by angry bees and fire ants.
May 23 2006, 11:58 AM
dear doctor's office,
i pay my premiums and your copays and do everything i'm supposed to do. it shouldn't take two weeks for your office manager to tell your stupid medical network to waive my husband and i onto the eligibility list, something that YOU should have done FIVE MONTHS AGO without me having to call and tell you. If it's not fixed next week, I will call every fucking day until it's settled.
You are worth all the headache.
May 23 2006, 04:56 PM
Dear(Which I don't mean b/c I don't like you)BLAH,
Don't you understand that sometimes when people seem cold and aloof, they are irritated by your presence. You have nothing to offer to anyone. I doubt you ever will. You would have to get over yourself and open your eyes to the fact that thier are other people in the world. And that said people might have feelings. And if said people don't like the same things as you or agree with you mindlessly that, that is alright. Thier are tons of people in the world, not everyone is going to hero worship or even like you. GET OVER IT!!!!!
May 23 2006, 05:19 PM
Shirley Temple foo-foo:
So, once again, you show up in a place where I have known the people for YEARS, and we can all talk and laugh and have fun, and you have to get in a big snit and start making catty remarks and feeling all posessive and competitive and disrespected. You had to lie about your age just to make Val -- Val of all people! -- and me and others feel bad. You are only six years younger than us and once you are out of, oh, say, high school, that is not a long time.
And no-one can say they've had the same experience as you -- they're not bonding and having a conversation and sharing NO!! They're trying to take over! your life!
Yeah, I get the idea -- you don't want to be *friends* -- but the few times I see you, because you show up where I already AM and HAVE BEEN, why do you try to be so exclusive? Why be so petty in such a wimpy wispy little passive-aggressive way? You're like Tweety Bird dumping the cat off the cliff and acting all innocent.
Guess what, your stupid husband is the only one you managed to turn against me. Everybody else said they missed having me around and want to see me and we had a lot of FUN which is what it is all about. Don't flatter yourself -- i wasn't trying to "steal" him. I was a FRIEND -- I used to call him up every week and see him *with my boyfriend* and *with other people* And I respected your relationship. I didn't call him any more and I went from seeing him every week to seeing the two of you a lot less. And when the other women were catty to you, I welcomed you.
Trying to be nice to you is a crime? having things in common with you is "taking over"? You really think you're the only person who writes or performs or reads. My effin' god. It's NOT just me. It's NOT an issue from your childhood, as if that would excuse anything anyway. You tried to make him get rid of everybody he knew, and he almost broke up with you because of it. Think I didn't hear about that? I did. It got around.
And your friend from college, you turned against her and badmouthed her to all of us. That's your way -- badmouthing and backstabbing and being posessive and catty. Interesting you call other people arrogant, I think you're head is so far up your ass I'm surprised you have any friends at all. Do you? Or did you just blow them all away?
Yecch. Don't call ME narcisstic, the shoe is on the other foot. Stop scapegoating me for things that are wrong with you. It's so weirdly backwards that I get this surreal, crazy feeling when I'm with you.
You're not the only one who is "uncomfortable" believe you me. I think you made everyone uncomfortable on that sweet weekend, full of the nicest people ever. You didn't come for years, why start now? I mean, you're too precious to pee in a portapotty, why go camping?
And to have the nerve to say I was trying to be your friend again and why don't I get it -- I was practicing what is called common courtesy and kindness and social graces -- ever heard of those things?
Get over yourself already. Yeah, yeah, everybody's picking on you and everybody's *jealous* because your guy and your life and your body and your job and your - whatever is just so much "better" ----.... ugh.
I seriously poked myself in the eye after that weekend, thinking about it -- I was actually thinking I'd like to wipe the mud out of your eye when you look at people and I got an infection -- your "spirituality" is the most negative, pseudo self righteous shit ever. Try liking people and just relaxing -- okay? really -- give it a try, it might work.
May 24 2006, 02:37 PM
Dear cell phone provider,
I am sorry for our recent misunderstanding, but please lets just admit that we were both a little wrong. We can salvage this relationship until my contract ends, if you would just cooperate a bit more. Please....
May 24 2006, 08:28 PM
Dear Jacques Lacan,
someone should have cut your tongue out at birth because when you grew up, you abused the privilege of having one. Would it really have killed you to say what you meant for once? And would it really have been that hard to refrain from making bitchy little off topic comments about everyone for 60 minutes at a stretch? Huh? You had some amazing ideas, but fame clearly went to your head, and I don't appreciate your tone. Oh - and one more thing - if you really wanted to know what women experience you would have asked one in good faith. Your comments on "Woman" analysts just make you sound like a loser.
unkind regards, Venetia
May 24 2006, 10:28 PM
Dear new job,
Thank you for hiring me. The interview process was hell. I'm glad I got through it. Yay! I hope that I impress you in training.
Know that you will not fuck this up. Go get a beer this weekend, and go the cool Jazz festival. Meditate more. Lose some weight.
Just because I bought a purse that I needed for work doesn't mean that I'm an idiot and I'm going to lose my job. I used my refund check from my taxes which you told me to use for this new job. How dare you tell me that I'm going to lose the job before I even start it. Quit being so goddamn drunk. Sometimes I really hate you. Mom would have understood.
Mel, I really miss you. As I'm getting older, I understand why you broke away from this fucked up family. I hope you're happy.
Dear hot boy, I think I love you.
To the online dating services, why the fuck do I always end up with the rednecks and the freaky 50 year old men? Where are the cute geeky boys with glasses?
May 25 2006, 05:50 AM
Please stop making me throw up. I promise I won't eat another turkey sub again. Even thinking about it now gives me the willies.
May 25 2006, 02:47 PM
you hae been vegitating at home for long enough. Ignoring your problems will not make them go away. You and the computor seem to be attached at the hip. It's time to break the cycle.
May 25 2006, 11:18 PM
You came out of no where. I wasn't expecting you. And I'm scared. I know you're excited about it and so am I but I am still scared. I'm scared of hurting you. I'm scared that I am making a mistake. I'm scared of doing something stupid to wreck this. I'm scared that I might run. Baby steps ok? Let's take baby steps... that's about all I trust myself with right now.
I'm nervous about seeing you on Saturday. I don't know what my reaction will be. Just don't be ironic and ask me to come back. Even with BR in the picture I'm not sure if I have the will power. You are my bad habit.
Sorry about tonight. I do want to be friends but if you want even in the smallest way to go back down that path I can't be friends.
May 26 2006, 10:49 AM
If one more person tries to sing me a song about how they "are just like me," when they probably don't even know me all that well, well... I think I may scream. On the street. Loudly. Carrying a yellow purse.
May 26 2006, 10:55 AM
P.S. I still hate you, you-know-who.
P.P.S. You know who.
P.P.P.S Really, I think you know.
P.P.P.P.S. Your name does not start with a 'd.'
May 26 2006, 12:19 PM
I am sorry I didn't step up and say something to you. You were special and deserved to live a much longer life then you got. I wan't you to know that I won't forget you. I am not sure what this weekend will bring, and I can't promise that the rest of the family will behave. I know you wouldn't want them to be so greedy and painfully mean to one another. But who are we kidding they have always been like that.
P.s. miss you.
May 26 2006, 02:35 PM
Those about to Rock:
Whoah! A new girlfriend!
--Irish . check
--Dark hair . check
--Big boobs . check
--Some vague connection to creativity . check
--Connections and claim to semi-fame . check
--Butt sex . check
--Role messin' . check
--Drama spilling over to public . check
but no "First and last name starting with the same letter"??!
Dude, you're slipping.
And if you cobain yourself, I am just going to think you're stupid. Truly.
May 26 2006, 03:12 PM
Le sigh... you're doing it again. It was nice when you weren't. But now you're back and at it again. So on behalf of everyone else - stop it. I feel uncomfortable being there now knowing that you could waltz in with your I know everything attitude and not so gentle feedback and off topic stories whose only purpose as far as I can tell is to show us all how important and smart you are but really just make you send out as someone who really doesn't have a clue. The absences of the regulars have started to increase and become noticable since you started showing up again. So go back to where ever it was you went to in the first place and leave us in our peace again. This isn't the first time you and your attitude have ruined things. It's starting to become annoying. The funny thing is I think you know it but if I did say something to you about it then you'd lose it on me and make yourself the victim. I'd disinvite you to these things if I had the power but I don't. Thanks for ruining a great thing.