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obelix
Bust Lounge-
On behalf of myself and runningwestward, please give us that software upgrade with the "Ignore" button soon.
-Obelix

CJ-
Please come back feeling exactly the way you did when you left.
-D
rantrave88
dear world,
fuck off already
runningwestward
Dear BR,

Has it really only been two weeks? I am head over heels for you. I haven't ever been this excited. It just feels right. And it's so great that you are on the same page. It doesn't even seem scary. You make me feel centred and calm and stronger. Thank you.

A

Dear Self,

Don't screw this up. I know you here the words in your head and you are used to it by now but lets do our best to not let it go that way.

Now focus on work. Focus! Now!

Me

Obelix - an ignore button for both the lounge and real life would be awesome sometimes - RWW
doodlebug
Dear K,

It’s so hard to believe that it might really be you, listed at that hometown address. If it is really you, I can't believe you stayed. I want to know why you stayed. Or went back, as the case may be. Did you marry and stay because of that? Did you have children? Are you looking after one of your parents? Do you really like it enough to call it home?

Of course, the same thing could be asked of me: why this town, of all places? Well, why not, I suppose. It was only supposed to be temporary. Here I am, anyway.

What would I say to you now, if I could say anything?

I could tell you about my life. I'd like to. Sometimes I think you are the only one who would understand. (Such is the vaseline-smeared lens of time and distance.)

I'd like to know about your life.

I'd like to know if you are happy.

I'd like to know if you are like me. Shifting with the light. Feeling a change coming; simultaneously fearing it and anticipating it. Yearning for something different, for other lives you might yet have. Building dreams so tenuous and vague that you can't quite make out what they are.

Are you like me?

Are you sitting somewhere right now, feeling like the one thing in the world you want more than anything is just to be touched and held?

Did you ever try to find me?

Anyway. This is the letter I won't be sending to that address in our hometown. Just had to get it out of my system.

Love,
D.
stitchnbitch
Dear J,

I wish you wouldn't call me a stupid bitch for being depressed. I wish I had a way to leave you.
janeinane
Dear ___,

Thanks for the snub. It took effort, and who doesn't appreeciate being made an effort for?

I could write more, but I need to go get over this,
JI
janeinane
(((stitchnbitch)))
bunnyb
Dear body,

Yes, you are stressed but PLEASE stop randomly breaking out in Hives! They are itchy, annoying and unattractive and I am tired of being in discomfort. So that means no more upset tummy, either, ok?

Me
whammy_bar
de-flamer: you can change your hairstyle but not your BONE STRUCTURE. People **like** you **!*!**!*!**!*

--that's not so bad, is it? Hugs, puppies, rainbows, hearts, music, toys, sunshines and candies like in the Rose is Rose comic to you.
opheliathemuse
dear self,

stop being so neurotic. please.

doodlebug
Dear Me,

Just mail it, you dumb, cowardly fuck. What is it exactly you think you have to lose?

Sincerely,
Me
raskel
Mr,

I'm sorry for what I said before. I hate myself for it. I just want to tell you how stupid I am and that I love you, but you're already asleep and I don't want to wake you. Just please don't go to work upset....

Love, Me.
lucizoe
dear nice lady on the train,

thank you for the sixty cents. if that dickhead ticket collector had come back, I would have given it to him. as it is, I'll give it to a homeless person.

thank you, very kind,

luci
lilacwine13
Dear work,
Fuck off and bite my ass. You know I want that position, you know that you're making my department hell (and causing some of your best people to jump ship), and yet I have never, in all the shitty jobs I've held previously, been given this much of a runaround. It's a simple typing test, fer chrissakes, and you didn't require it the last time I applied for a position in the same department. As soon as I find something better, I'm out of here.

Oh, and I don't like being railroaded into coming in on my day off. If you fuckwads would create a decent schedule, then you wouldn't have to be forcing people to work overtime, which should be saving you idiots some money. The way you run things, I will be surprised you are still in business in five years.
--disgruntled employee
beansalad
Dear fc

I am so so very sorry. I never wanted you to find out. I knew that the only thing that you would feel was hurt by it. It seems that I am becoming further and further away from the person that you thought I was. But the thing is... I am that person. All that has happened lately has been chaos and it's not ME. Yes, I did it. Yes, I'm to blame. But that's not who I am.

I hate that my hand was forced and you found out. I hate that she made me tell you. I hate that she manipulated me into that. I hate so much that I hurt you and that in doing so we lost each other.

I couldn't bear to lose you. I love you more than anyone else in the world. I wrote that without thinking... but I wrote it because it's true. I would do anything for you.

I need your forgiveness so badly. I need you to melt into me like you always did. I need you to love me back. And I know that none of that is going to happen for a long time. I know that you will hate me, then you will ridicule me, then dehumanise me, until my image in your head is as tarnished as can be and you don't love me anymore. And I know that I deserve it all.

You don't like how I'm living my life at the moment. You say that you see it as trashing the memory of our beautiful relationship. And it was beautiful. But that was then. My life now is being led the way that I want to live it - but lies and betrayal are not part of that. I want so badly for you to see that I was trying to protect you. I was trying to keep that information from you, because you didn't need to know it, and in knowing it, all you got was hurt. And hatred. And fear at losing a friend. I know you love and need me as much as I do you.

One day, I hope that we can talk about this. I hope that you will show me your hurt and we can talk about what I did, why I did it, and what that meant. All you see at the moment is blind rage, and all I see is empty sadness.

One day, I hope that you will love me again.

shmp
freckleface2727
spooky neighbor guy that moved out recently-

I'm glad you're gone, bc _ doesn't need or deserve to be treated that way, let alone have the kids in that environment, but you-are-scary.

when I was at your house tonight for small one's party, I got the worst sense of foreboding I've gotten in years.
I saw smoke or fire or much blood, and it's HOrrific Beyond Words to me that even as I snapped photo's of your child with her birthday cake, I imagined how important these pictures might be for the family they were of would be lost.
you make me physically sick in ways that make me think and hope to hell that I am crazy instead of right. I had to concentrate hard just to stay in my seat and not bolt out the door tonight.
the vibes and energy in that house... and _ is trying so very hard to pretend everything is ok and normal and give the kids what they need when everything you do, from my vantage, is skewed and or calculated.

I want to tell _ that this isn't enough.
she needs to take the kids and go into hiding.
that you are much much worse than even she thinks she knows, but on what grounds?
a "feeling?"

go back to the hell you sprang from and leave the innocents alone.

please don't let me be right,

crazy lady next door
misspissed
*warning: snarky post ahead*

dear you,

i hope you get hit by lightening. or better yet, electrocuted. and i hope she steps on a rusty nail.

i know karma is gonna get me for wishing ill on others, but what happens to your karma when they fucked YOU over first?
bilka
Dear God, self, whoever...

I am so confused by this whole religion thing.

I am a feminist because I believe that there is a lot of bad stuff happening to women that is perpetuated by men. Surely wanting women to have equal rights is not a bad thing? Why is it that it is always women who are supposedly in the wrong? Was it wrong to be a feminist and work in the field of domestic violence? Is it wrong to want to work and expect my male partner to do an equal share of housework? Is it wrong to want equal pay? Is it wrong to just want peace and equality in this world? I guess what I mean by wrong is, is it a sin.

I am so tired of reading posts by that troll. It is not helping me and my search for feeling comfortable with religion to be bombarded with messages of how I am a big fat sinner because I am a feminist. There is so much more to feminism than the debate about abortion.

It just seems to me that religion always points the finger at where women are going wrong, without stopping to acknowledge that many men are abusing their power. Surely there would be no need for feminism if men could see women as equals and treat them with respect?

I don't know. This is rambly. I just needed to get some of it out.

C.
whammy_bar
Why does "you made your own bed and now you have to lie in it" come to mind?

Why do people turn on those who help them when they're down?

And, why do people who take big risks and who get a ton of rewards in life, financially and otherwise, try to garner sympathy and sex by talking about their problems, and then say other people only see them in terms of their problems?

why would someone who had won that much just spin around in his own turds and not do one single bit of the very individuality, creativity and daring that he supposedly fought so hard for?

really, the mind reels, I'm not even writing you off, I'm not even mad, I still enjoy things you say. But it is so ridiculous and transparent to constantly cause your own problems and then flail about saying you really meant this and you only did that because and blah blah blah.

Ten years from now (or so) your looks will truly be gone, and how much patience and credulity do you think you'll get then?

Stop wasting your time before you become a total joke.

WME
greenbean
Dear bitter co-worker,

You really hurt my feelings yesterday. I know its prolly annoying to hear about my recent break-up, but honestly, I haven't brought it up that much. It was really insensitive of you to make fun of me in front of other co-workers just because I'm a little down and lonely due to the fact that I just went thru a FUCKING MAJOR BREAK-UP! I'm not gonna stoop to your level, but if I did I would tell you that you just dont know how hard a break-up is because I dont even think you've ever had a boyfriend. Prolly cuz youre a mean jerk.

f u, greenbean.
greenbean
Dear nice co-worker,

Thank you for taking me out for a drink after bitter co-worker said that mean thing to me. You are a very observant and empathetic person to notice that I was hurt.

luv ya, greenbean
zoya
dear misspissed -

we can share the karma. Because you took the words right outta my mouth.

love
zoya
opheliathemuse
dear rose man,
yay! I called you! I'm not insane! Happy to see you on Sunday, will be fun.
Possibly naughty thoughts,
Ophelia
rantrave88
dear self,
stop being a douche.
and getting all EEEEEE on people
next weekend you should have a big party
and cook and drink and dance and talk to somebody you don't know well.

like that will happen.

me


dear roommates,
can we hav ea big thing next weekend?
like without lameoness? I will make predictable beans.
k.
me
zoya
dear you -

now I am seeing your game. You are seriously one of the most passive agressive people I have met. But I am not going to play into your game. Nope. Toy with me all you want, but fuck you. I am not going to play into it.

and guess what? you messed with the wrong girl when you decided to play the victim on me, because guess what? We know a lot of the same people, and they all know that I am so far from being crazy and freaky girl that it's not even funny. Which means if you ever say anything about me that way, they'll know that you are full of shit.

you have fucking issues. Doesn't mean that I don't miss you or our stuff. But it does mean that IMO, you need to grow the fuck up.

yeah. that's what I said.
zoya
koala
Dearest Sibling,

Every time I think you can't possibly out do yourself....you seem to just go ahead and prove me wrong. We have a fellow sibling who needs our support. She has asked if you will be here when she gets here. You are choosing a card game instead. You selfish fucking bastard. Remember, this dearest sibling, remember... because the next time you fuck up, or life fucks you up, you will have no support from me. I want to scream at you sooooo bad. I want to let you know how truly awful you are. This would be a letter that I would actually send you, but as before, this is what would be what happened..... You would read it and get upset, then you would go to mother/father and ask them why i hated you and tell them how much you loved me..(right uh-huh) and then i would get a lecture from father about how i need to blah blah blah...

Will you please hit rock bottom so you can grow the fuck up
damona
dear self,
chill. you have got a ton of stuff done in the last few days, stop feeling guilty for taking some time for yourself!
love,
me

dear new neighbors,
you guys are too cool! i am ever so glad that y'all moved in. it is such a nice change from the crabasses that lived there before! and oh yeah, k, i am so goddamn jealous of your kitchen... it's crazy.
love,
mrs next door

dear lady-across-the-street,
that was really sweet of you to take lil z out for a birthday lunch and get him a new outfit. and it was over the top nice of you to bake him cookies for school. now i feel guilty for not saying that i was making him some though! but we really appreciate all you do for us, even if some of it is a bit unneccessary.
love,
mrs across the street

dear kittycat,
please get healthy so we can take you out of confinement. it would be nice to have the downstairs bathroom for human use again.
love,
mommy

princesslala
Dear Universe

THANK YOU
a million times
thank you

Love,

Lala
mandolyn
dear universe,

thank you for getting me thru the past two months relatively intact. not that anything horrible happened. but there was just a little more anxiety & agita than i'm used to. i'm scared to think that life is going to get easier. and maybe even better. it's been so long since i've let myself be the least bit optimistic about certain things, it's going to take me a little time to get used to it. but at least i'm open to the possibility.

- mandi, who needs to learn to be more appreciative
sidecar
dear you,

please get a blog. that is all.

-s
whammy_bar
WAXL -- go out there and give them your big lunged big hearted big brained HELL, you wascally wabbit.

I'm cheering for you.
zoya
dear you -

just writing this one more time, it's one of those moments where I step back and almost have to pinch myself because it all seems like a really bad dream that not only do we not talk anymore, but it's gotten extreme, like you blocking me from your IM and that ilk.

it really makes me sad, because you were one of my favorite people. What the hell went wrong? I realize if we had a friendship as strong as I thought, we'd work this out - work it through. I tried to the best of my ability to talk about it. But you just seemed to turn my words on me. And right now I'm too fragile to try.

I'm sad. I do miss our friendship. Well, what I thought was one anyway. Like I've said before, I'm seeing now that perhaps it never truly was a friendship on your side.

Thanks for being just one more in the list of men in my life who have dropped the ball. It sucks, because you of all people I did not think would do it, but hell.. at least you are helping to re-affirm why I am now just out for me.

yep.
zoya

ps - oh and by the way... karma may get me for this, but I hope you both get food poisoning.
rantrave88
dear you,

it's sunday, almost 12:30 am. I am in my room. Dave is next door. We are goofing around. I'm sorta drunk. I miss you. I really would like you to appear at the front door. I really fucking miss you. i'm listening to the Blow. I'm missing you a lot. I don't know why. I don't know you like I know my good friends. You're just sorta...there.
And really awesome and beautiful and handsome and intelligent as fuck, and kind of screwed up as well. So. As I embark on "summer" (It's really cold actually, which is another reason why I wish you would be here!) I think there's a reason why I haven't been interested in anybody else, why I can never just be normal friends with you, why I haven't made a real effort to get together with you. Why all of a sudden I'm making this print, even. And not that scared.

i wanna hang out with you and touch you again.

me
onepingonly
Two Beeps -

This is so much harder than I thought it would be. We've only been out here for a month and a half, we've got three and a half to go. It hurts so much to just walk past you in the main pass or on the messdeck without a word. So absurd - back in San Francisco you live with me, you sleep tangled up with me every night, you take care of me when I'm sick - but out here you are not even allowed to call me by my first name.

I hate the lying, the hiding, the scheming we have to do to squirrel away even a few hours together. I hate getting our friends involved - how well they've looked after us! But it's dangerous for them, as well.

I should be out there exploring all of this WITH you. Okinawa was amazing, I'm still not sure how we pulled that one off. But in Singapore all we've seen together are the hotel rooms in Little India. When Girl and I strolled through the Chinese Gardens in the middle of that thunderstorm, when we fed the army of turtles in the pond - all I could think was how you'd have loved the little stampede they made. When we biked to the Thai temple on Pulau Ubin, I wanted that monk to bless the BOTH of us. And when I looked up to find a giant bat two inches from my nose hanging from the tree above me... damn, you're the only person on earth I can think of who would have been as thrilled and giddy as I was, never afraid, not even when I felt the breeze from its wings against my cheek.

What are we going to do in Thailand? Will I even see you at all? So disappointing, these are the portcalls I've prayed for, dreamed about for ten years. But I'm an amputee without you now. You are my fellow traveller, you are my love.

I will tell you this - I cannot wait till I transfer. Once I am safely ensconced at another unit, I will come to see you off at the pier. And I will bend you back and plant a big wet one on you, right in front of all these douchebags.

Oh, my beauty. I miss you, I crave you so.

- One Ping
sassygrrl
Landlady, why are you so fucking crazy all the sudden?? I pay my rent on time, and I'm a good tentant. Why are you blowing a gasket over this piece of shit desk that came with the room? Also, drunken roomie quit stealing my beer! FUCK! I can not wait to move out on my own!

J, I miss you. I know that sounds so sudden. We're not even dating yet, but I miss your body. I miss your laugh. I miss you in general. Please move to GA. Shit, I'm falling in love with you way too soon. I keep thinking I will scare you off. You're not even my semi-boyfriend yet. Yes, your boxers are somewhere under my bed.

Universe, thank you for new job. I hope I don't fuck it up. I hate these three month preview periods, but I will try to do my best.

Sister, I miss you. But, your son of a bitch husband has cut you off of reality, and any relationship with me. Please wake up.

Self, chill the fuck out. Breathe.

Dear abusive ex fiancee, QUIT haunting my dreams mother-fucker. Karma is a bitch, and I hope you burn in hell. Thank the gods I am not married to you, because I'd end up marrying into a serious redneck family. Are you doing this b/c you sense that I'm maybe entering into a decent relationship with someone who actually cares about me? I HATE YOU.

Claudette, I love you for being one of my best friends!
katiebelle2882
best guy friend/crush

i have been desperately in love with you for a year. put so much into our friendship even when i didnt think you deserved it. you have made it completely impossible for me to fall for anyone else. all we do is talk talk talk when meanwhile i can barely control myself when i stand next to you.
stop with the mixed signals, i dont care how emotionally fucked up you are, its never gonig to get better if you never let someone you care about TRY. i keep trying to explain to myself how i got so tangled up with you but i simply cannot. i know i should try to break away a bit and try to find someone that wont make things so difficult but it always comes back to the fact that you are everything i want in a guy.

dear self: get OVER this guy, its been a year, what the fuck are you thinking!?
free_spirit
(i knew you were in the military oneping, before i even finished reading your post) oh how i know what you are going through. be very careful. i went through that for over a year and a half...all the ups and downs...i feel so sadness!) take care
lux
dear self

try not to get depressed. it's hard with no friends but don't give up yet. you''re bound to meet someone. try to feel happy about the new job and the summer. people in the park don't think you're a loser just because you're there alone. just go out and enjoy the sunshine.

love
me
sybarite
Dear you,

What you said at the weekend was lovely to hear. I like it when you talk about the future in a way that puts your work into a bigger context and convinces me that you are that guy who looks forward to a fun, interesting and well-travelled future together. I appreciated what you said about my work as well; I felt supported.

Shame then that you had to revert back to your querulous self when we last spoke. Happy to hear from me? Not so much. Once again, you can never remain supportive, or even any fun to talk to, for very long.

I was utterly convinced going away was the right thing to do and now I'm relieved and delighted to be here. I couldn't get this done at home; there's no fucking room for starters. If I can, I'll be doing this again; it works and lets me concentrate. The space allows me to believe in my project; something made harder, somehow, at home with you. I heard your faith in me at the weekend, but again, it seemed to be a one-off rather than something consistent.

I believe our other incompatibilities aren't really a mystery. Since our blow-up I have really changed things around. You, on the other hand, as ever, have done nothing. If I keep pushing my resentment under, guess where it's going to pop up again? Just because I haven't said anything doesn't mean that I think this is remotely okay. It's scary and sad.

The truth is that I've put so much into us, all my energy for years. I went way off track and have only recently gotten to where I should be. Now I have work to do. I can't make the additional effort of working at us. Make one yourself or get out of my way while I get this done.

I do love you. Maybe I've consolidated my perspective over here. I'm glad it's in you to still talk the way you did Friday; I just wish it wasn't such a surprise to me now.

love,
Me

Dear thread,
Thank cod for (relative) anonymity.
Gratefully yours, Me
mandolyn
(((sybarite)))
(((onepingonly)))

dear letter-writers,

there is some amazing writing going on in here. my heart aches for your heartaches. and the funny shit make me laugh out loud & brightens my days. i so heart this thread. even when it makes me want to cry.

love,
mandi xoxo

dear uterus,

please BLEED already. this perimenopause bullshit is unnerving. i need SOMETHING in my life to be regular & dependable dammit!

grrrrrr-ily,
mandi
zoya
dear G -

if you are talking any kind of shit about me, I will be so fucking pissed. It's unwarranted. You turned a bunch of shit around to make me look fucked up in your mind, and it's patently not true. I don't know that you are saying any of it to anyone, but I have reason to wonder...

I could say shit about you but I have not. You know how this business goes. It's tight knit. That is one reason I would never talk shit about anyone, except to vent to very trusted friends. Because even if I have an issue with someone, I am gonna stay ethical.

I wish I could confront you about this, but I just can't prove it, and I am not gonna get drawn into any drama. I hope I am not potentially getting walked on by laying low on this.

zoya


Dear friends (especially kind of new friends) and colleagues -

I really hope that if you are hearing any kind of stuff about me that you trust what you know of me. Because what you know of me is true. We all have our moments, and I certainly have had some of them recently. But those moments do not make me something other than who I am and who you know.

I hope that you all know me better than that. And please don't be afraid to say something or ask me if you wanna know... because I hate games and I hope you all remember that.

Thanks
zoya
msgoofball
dear you,

why do you have to make the mr. unhappy by causing a ruckus? you knew from the beginning that he did not want to go to the concert. You also knew that the concert was on a weekend that the group of us had already reserved to go AS A GROUP to catalina. But no, you had to go and get your way and invite ALL OF US, including the guys who did not want to go to the concert, who only wanted to go boating because thats what guys do. and unlike you, i like my man to be happy. it makes me happy. you don't even do your own dishes or clean your own house..you make your hardworking hubby do that for you cuz you are too lazy to do it yourself. there is so much i could say about you that pisses me off since you picked on my man to blame for your 'event' not happening the way you want. Whatever. really.

mr. wants to write you off and never see you again unless you apologize in full. this makes me in a sticky situation. and you put me there by throwing a fit. now we are all uncomfortable in the silence you have left us. I don't need this added stress--as i already have a job and school and a hubby to fool with...now i may have to write you off for being a stupid idiot. and then there go the other people cuz it would be awkward otherwise...maybe mr. gb was right last nite...maybe we should move out of state and find some new friends. cuz real friends, not aquaintances (as you called us) wouldn't pull this crap on us.

decidely pissed off,
ms. goofball
bush_goddess
dear rl-ers,

i'd really appreciate it if you would mind your own business and stop commenting to me about the way that i look. i don't appreciate you forming opinions about my body, yelling at me on the street about how much weight i've lost, or coming into my place of work and asking me what i've quote-on-quote done. it's none of your fuckin' business, and like i'd fuckin' tell you the truth.

do you people realize that every fuckin' time you open your fuckin' mouth, you trigger me to engage in negative behaviour? that your words drive me to want to skip a meal and lose more weight?

i also don't appreciate you gossiping / talking about me with other people. i don't fuckin' talk about you, so don't fuckin' talk about me.

just leave me the fuck alone and fuck off! do something useful with your time and energy.
paperbag
Dear me,
Why am I so scared of this trip? Is it because I'm going alone and have never been there before? Because, if that's the case, you've done that before. Plus, you have a friend there. Is it because you're intimidated by who's going to be at this conferenc? Probably. But, hey, one day you're going to be one of them so you might as well start getting used to it now!
runningwestward
Dear PB,

You've got a friend who can rescue you if you get lost. Heck if you ask (and the timing works) she might even pick you up at the airport. Then you don't have to take the bus.

RWW

Dear self,

You're committed now. See not so scary. I hope. M was right... just don't think.

me

Dear BR,

OK I said what I've been trying not to say. But part of me wants to take it all back. I don't think I was ready to tell you all of that.

A
bush_goddess
dear OSAP,

please come through for me ....
pixiedust
Dear Mr. Pixie,
I'm proud of you for doing the right thing even though I can tell you are still not happy about it. You didn't sell out, you are not rolling over, turning the other cheek and being the bigger person is about personal growth. I know you try to say you don't care and and you are done ect...but you get so worked up; I can see how much pain this is causing you.
It's not fair, life rarely is. But you did the right thing...for you! And I would be very surpirsed if I am the only one who respects you more for it.
(((((all my love)))))

Pixiedust
treehugger
Dear posters at the board I used to frequent: I thought it was really, really rude of you, in the childfree thread, when I posted the update of my tubal ligation, to start immediately gushing about, "oh, I always didn't want kids but until little timmy was born, I didn't know what I was talking about and I didn't know what real love was until I birthed dan's child"....

Fuck Off. Start your own damn thread. You and 98% of other american women can start your glowing motherhood thread...god knows you get enough support. You can't even spit out a half-assed congratulations? IN THE CHILDFREE BY CHOICE THREAD???

(just to clarify, this is in no way aimed at the Bust Lounge.)
freckleface2727
treehugger-
I'm a mom, and yes, I do love my daughter fiercly, but also look forward, already, to the time I get my full self/life back. I never wanted kids. I knew young I was too selfish and honestly, having a child hasn't changed that bc I am sometimes, resentful of the sacrifices, both financial & emotional. I'm not as good a mother as she deserves due to that, and no, I'm not being modest. I've never admitted that to Anyone before.
so I'm sorry if those people at that other board gave you a hard time. my guess is they honestly don't have a clue what they are talking about.
good for you for having a tubal ligation. if I'd been more together it might have occured to me to do the same and things might be different.
hindsight.
Congrats on being so proactive for what- is- best- for- *you.*
hugs,
freckle

hometown/state/city of chicago:
I am missing you lately w/ something akin to desperation.
why I requested all those tourist broucheres in the mail I think to soothe or pacify myself, not realising they'd make me more miserable.
I know I will never live in you again. it's just not feasible on Any stratsophere I can conjure, real or even imagined, but logic doesn't mean diddly to my heart.
I guess I also thought that the mr, upon seeing all your wonderful virtues, layed out in such an inviting and creatively artistic manner, would then be inspired to say " Hey! I think that looks like SO much Fun that we should go there on a trip. Now. let's leave this weekend even" but such has not been the case as he's very pointedly not even looked at them whatsoever.
it makes me so damn resentful that every fucking trip we make is back to where the family is.
yes my parents are there too now, but it's Not HOOOOOME. not where my roots spring from and run so deep I will never be free.
so many things the mr just doesn't get and doesn't even try. hurts me.
I know that if chicago had not been my playground, the museums and galleries and crowded spaces on trains and sidewalks and shops, I would not have the loves I have today. they shaped me and nurtured me, even tho some things took years to grow before exploding in my mind.
that is the place I need to call home again.
even if just for a little while.

longingly desolate for you,
the little girl who grew from there
lucizoe
dear mr.luci's mom,

please don't be a craz-ay bitch this weekend, mmkay? I know you disapprove of your son moving to the big scary city and I'm the evil woman who encouraged and supported the move and yes, we live in a teeny tiny apartment and no we don't have a tv and yes we like to eat sushi and indian food and thai and pretty much anything except macaroni and cheese and mcdonald's and no we don't plan on having the babies and yes we do walk everywhere instead of driving and no there's no wal-mart.

but please please please lay off the damn guilt. your son is doing just fine, thanks so much, and we happen to love it here. you know what? his grandfather would have died regardless of whether or not mr.luci was visiting every weekend or not. he's already made himself feel like crap, the last thing he needs are your batshit crazy diatribes about family being important. it may be important to YOU, but that doesn't mean it has to be to him

please don't be nuts this weekend. I'm tired. I walk around all freaking day and my feet hurt. My weekends are my chill time and if you ruin this one I'll be really pissed.

worried,
luci
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