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sevenseconds
for those who've read about my stuff, just want to clarify the letter below makes no reference to physical pain. The tsunami in question was an emotional freakout. In case you ladies are worried about him.
girltrouble
universe:

which way you gonna go?

you've already shown me how all this can come crashing down around my ears, any day, any time. but then you make it so lovely-- a staff/co workers, that i like for being who they are, a manager who not only has one of the best reps in town, that wants to train me her way, pretty good pay and the hint at maybe getting to learn how to tattoo, and working with one of my ex girlfriends, who i felt like i did wrong-- and now i get to make amends and make that friendship stronger.... and on the first day, you send r in, one of the most beautiful gifts i never would have seen coming. if i thought for a second she needed a drag mama, i would have been it, but she never needed a thing. she took to her transition like a duck to water, shed any doubts, and did what she had to. she is still as sweet and as ever too. i was grinning from ear to ear just to see her in formal philipina gown, regal as her name and twice as beautiful. i'm not gonna jinx it by building my daydreams, i'm just going to savor the little things that make me happy... so no matter what, u? i've got my reward for this job with all those 10 hour days painting those damn walls. the rest is gravy, so if you want, take it. i won't complain at all. last night was all i needed.

gt
zoya
dear universe:

it's more than obvious that you are only looking out for me... but jesus christ, way to go on the timing. ugh. fuckin just great. bleh.

zoya



dear capital letters:

i don't feel like using you. sorry.

zoya



dear IBT -

where the fuck did you drop off the face of the earth to? can you please show up at some point soon and have a laugh with me? i could use one.

thanks
zoya
crazyoldcatlady
FUCK YOU, UNIVERSE!!!!

i KNEW it. i KNEW i would get dicked over. I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!!! godforbid i actually be HAPPY, or share my HAPPINESS with others, or even INTIMATE that i am HAPPY because it won't last, ever, and probably wasn't real to begin with. you and the gods having a good laugh? glad you love a good tease.

FUCK YOU!!!

-fuck you.

P.S. Fuck you.


dear self-

you are the human incarnate of pavlov's dog. fuck you, you should know better, because you KNEW IT in your gut. your gut, you remember that? it's that pit of your stomach that says, "no, that's not a good idea" or "yes, this seems plausible", the thing that never guides you wrong, but will make you sick when you go against it?

you have two unhealthy options today: getting shitfaced in your place and listening to ani all day, or going out and blowing a shitfuckton of cash. since you've started on the former, i suppose the decision has already been made.

so, at least clean your bathroom, or something equally productive.

-cocl


dear former bff-

GO AWAY. GIVE IT UP. FUCK OFF.

-cocl

stargazer
(((zoya)))

(((gt)))

(((cocl)))
girltrouble
dear friends,

you know it's times like these that i realize how much i can count on you. i mean, i know i can be a flake, what with my sporatic anxiety attacks, my periodic bouts with agoraphobia, my severe depression oh, and being self conscious about being transexual, but thank you for not being there for me, i mean, cos yeah i've flaked, but there are all the times i did come thru, that i did show up for something just cos you asked. so i really want to tell you all, fuck you very much. there have been exactly 2 events that meant a lot to me in the last 5 years, and each time i practically begged for y'all to show up. just show up. and......... you blow me off. i've caught the bus to help y'all move, while thugs talked shit about me, i've busted my ass, and hurt my back to help you rebuild your houses, but you couldn't even hop in your car and grab a drink while i played music for 2 hours. i'm just glad you are all true blue, and i think of all the times you told me you loved me, that i was family, and all the other bullshit, and i just want to kick y'all in the cunt. my feeling about family has been destroyed thanks to my blood relatives, and this year, the idea of love has pretty much been turned to shit thanks to my exes, so i suppose you were next up! congrats. the last thing i had as far as believing or having some faith or hope in people has been totally shit upon.

nice work. thanks for the heads up. now i know i don't have to bother with anything to do with you.

gt

universe:

wow. you got me didn't you? i thought i'd be happy for a while, but less than 24 hours..... you just keep kicking those legs out from under me, don't you? and it's never the ones i'd expect. i mean, here i am trying my damnedest to be the anti-me, non- flakey, the good dependable friend, but the result is the same. it's always the same. i lose. i thought the job, with the djing would be the obvious target, instead, you went so much deeper. i suppose me hiding in the store room sobbing was just icing on the cake. you've proven your point. you win. i don't even have the heart to tell you fuck you, cos honestly? i'm beaten. i'm a scared dog with it's tail between it's legs. i got no more fight in me. i don't. i've run out of every last ounce of optimism, and the hope i've been going on has been nothing but fumes for years. i've got nothing left to lose. no family, no love, no friends, no one i can feel like i have any attachment to, and just when i feel that my heart couldn't be broken anymore, you do your thing. i will be waiting to lose: my apartment, my job, my health.... i haven't the foggiest on which you'll go after next, but i know it's coming, you've made a point of proving that. get your licks in now, while you still can, k?
gouge away, there's not all that much of me left anyhow.

no, you know what? just fucking put me out of my misery. stop playing these little fucked up games, and just finish the fucking job, k?

gt
futura
(((((((((((((gt)))))))))))))
auralpoison
(((((GT)))))
freckleface7
gt:
don't you DARE quit.

don't you dare goddamnfreakin'socks monkey assin' up N quit on me.
you think you're down?
you think you've had Enough?!

then you're not the woman I thought you were.
I'm sorry last night sucked for you.
I'm more sorry than you can imagine bc in that mama-way, I hurt when you hurt & I can't STAND when someone hurts one of my kids, but you are FAR from un-loved & you know it.

you have a whole community - e- awhole freakin ARMY of women here that love & support & would naw off an arm {credit: night of the living dead} to be there for you if we were closer.
but if you hurt lovie- you need to reach out ma-bell style & call one of us.
we're not telepathic. (or at least some of us aren't- yet)
let us be there for you, I Know you got a scad of our #'s.

now wrap both of your arms around yourself tight & imagine the smell of lavendar & give yourself a big hug from me please,

with more love than you can shake a bushel of sticks at ~
freckami
culturehandy
((((gt))))

Well, Freck, I think you said it all for us.
treehugger
(((((gt))))) I concur.
sybarite
(((((GT))))))) Listen to the freck. We all know how awesome you are and I know your set rocked. Their loss!
culturehandy
You know if every last one of us could have hopped a plane and come and see you, we would have. You ALWAYS have your own bustie cheering section.
sevenseconds
((((((((((((((GT))))))))))))))))
pollystyrene
((((((girltrouble)))))) Yeah, what freck said, that brought tears to my eyes and is 100% true. *sniff*

Lavender-scented hugs, honey.
stargazer
((((GT))))

Freck, your post really made me tear up. Busties are really there for one another.
treehugger
I know how important this was for you, GT, and I'm sure you did a wonderful job! And, I wish I could've hopped on a plane.
sybarite
Dear cheapskate fuckers,

How about you stop the hoop jumping, suck it up and pay for the repair so we can have heating again, seeing it is now November? How about you stop doubting what I say? How about you try and make amends for the fact we've been living without heat by getting this done quickly instead of trying to get the best price? How about you don't subject us to experiments on the boiler while you prove to yourself that, hey, guess what, it really isn't working?

Cunts. If he stays sick or if I get sick I will breathe all over you shitheads. I bet you go home to warm houses at night. Just because we're *only* renting doesn't mean we deserve this.

Grow some cojones and please do a day's work without haggling for once in your miserable cheapskate lives.

Sincerely,
Me


Dear self-

You live in a world full of incompetent, lazy and evasive assholes. Don't be one of them. Get some work done and don't let this stress you out more than it has to.

Yours,
Me
futura
Seconding and tenthing what everyone else said, Girltrouble. Listen to Freckleface, she said it so well.(((((hugs)))))

Dear R

I was trying and succeeding in getting out. You kiss me once i'm i get pulled back in like no one's business. My friends already call you my white whale. I'm trying my hardest to stay sane, because, in spite that i know you really meant what you said this weekend, i can totally see you do a 180. And that's because you're scared. And you can't commit. I can, but my biggest fear is that i'll become bored. I know you've done quite the soul searching. But this weekend hit me like a ton of bricks.
I'm stronger now, and able to see things as they are. I will proceed from there. I guess i'll see you around. We'll figure something out.
Cod, i wish you weren't so darned attractive. You really get to my core, and that bothers me.
culturehandy
Dear Boy,

You're pretty hot.

CH

Dear Universe,

Can we make the above happened, I wouldn't mind banging that.

CH

Dear Universe,

Can you please see to the busties letters?

Regards,

CH
freckleface7
universe:
can you please make the mr less crazy again?
things were going along so much better for awhile, but then this morning happened & he threatened me.
it was very clear what he meant too and this is why I will continue to carry the card w/ a # for a domestic abuse hotline hidden in my purse.
why does he seem so threatened by my doing things I enjoy & getting out in the world & making new friends?
is there Ever going to be any making him happy?
I won't stop singing my song to the world though bc I am dedicated to myself {& frecklette} much more than to him. sometimes lonliness is a direct result of one's own stupidity.
appreciaiting your haste & direct attention on this one~
love freckle

busties:
I super <3 all of you.
love freckle
ps ch: thank you for the impish lol. you're so damn ballsy!
culturehandy
Dear Freck,

Your letter concerns me. Deeply.

love you,

CH

And what I say is true about the boy, he highly tattooed, I'd like to bend over for that. He was sweet, too.
rogue
((((Freck))))

I'm with CH. I hope you're okay, even though by the sounds of your letter, you aren't. You know where to find us if ever we are needed.
roseviolet
(((((((Freck)))))))

((((((((((((((((( all the letter writers )))))))))))))))))))

It seems as though a lot of us have unexpectedly been punched in the kidneys lately. I'm sad to see that so many of us are having a hard time, but SO DAMN GRATEFUL that we have each other.
culturehandy
I'm with RV. I am so grateful we have each other.

As time has gone by, I've realized what a wonderful community we have here. Through good times and bad, we're here for each other.
sassygrrl
((Freck))) Please keep posting.

((all busties))

Busties,

I know I've never said it before, but I am extremely grateful to have all of you in my life. I wish I knew all of you in real life. Sometimes I have a hard time making friends with woman, and I feel I can be myself around you gals(and Bily). I even have a hard time sometimes at some meetups I go to. It's weird. Anyways, just so grateful and happy I have everyone.

Dear self,

Yes your self esteem is shot lately but know that people love you and think you are wonderful. I'm not sure why, but they do. Try to ignore the other grass is greener drama. Ignore Nate. Know that you have a great support system both in real life and beyond. The wedding, the ex drama, and all the other shit happens. For some reason, it's happening in shitloads lately. Just keep your head up if you can.


Nate,
So you became a doctor. I feel pretty jealous, but also know that I'm on my own journey. You're with Michele, and I'm glad I'm not with you. I have a feeling you're an academic asshole, and if I knew you again I'd be annoyed. At least I'm not in so much debt. I do miss you, but have to think that was college. Over 10 years ago. Maybe we're changed. I don't understand why you emailed me, but I didn't respond. I went upstairs and kissed my fiancee. He's a million times better than you. He didn't break up with me. I just wish you weren't on fucking Facebook.

C,
You've become such a bitch lately. You have a job. I know it's a new job, and I can understand that's stressful. You live outside the perimeter but if friends from outside of Atlanta/Decatur can come to see me, so can you. I'm sick of the excuses. I'm sick of inviting you places, and you not showing. I consider myself a pretty damn good loyal friend. Why were you only there for me when we were both unemployed? Now you're basically telling me to fuck off? Quit with the poor me shit. This is the reason why you're not being invited to the wedding. A friendship works both ways and I'm tired of being the one who's responsible. It's been over two-three months since I've seen you, and I think I'm sick of the one holding the ball. I'm so glad I didn't make you a bridesmaid.

Mcgeek,

I needed to hear yesterday that I was strong. Thanks for telling me that. You have no idea what it meant to hear it.
I love you very much. I still can't believe I'm engaged, but you're great.

((everyone)))



freckleface7
busties:
I'm ok. we talked some this afternoon & denies he meant anything bad by saying what he did, bc "I'm not that stupid."
um - o k.
but I told him honestly how scared it made me feel & that I WON'T be afraid of him & he said he never meant for me to feel that way.
(uh huh)
anyway, I Am ok and getting ready to go to planned parenthood tonight to make calls for the VA Gov's race & be around some really wonderful women - yah!

thank you all for your love , concern & support~
oxox,
freckle
sevenseconds
a red yes to all that, all you busties take my breath away.

((((((freckle))))))) - i don't know the whole story but... i want to know you don't live in fear, mama. I've lived in constant threat and it's not good.
((((sassy))))
((((futura))))
((((syb)))) - thank you
CH - I love you, lady.
((((cocl))))
((((zoya))))
crazyoldcatlady
oh, M.

are you for real? seriously? do you know, do you psychically know, when you have slipped from my memory, and decide to dig my number up and text (likely whilst drunk)?

guess what. the sight of your name on my caller ID elicits NO reaction. there's no more stomach dropping, no more breath holding, not even anger, or even pity.

fyi.

-cocl

(((freck, futura, syb, CH, gt, sassy, zoya, 7seconds, rosev, rogue, ap, cc_g, ANY bustie here or otherwise, that has been "punched in the kidneys" as of late.)))
ananke
brother-in-law,

get this straight, right now. You are not smarter than me. You aren't smarter than Mr A. Yes, you're intelligent. You read textbooks for fun. You have a degree. I've read textbooks for fun, I've got my Masters and yet, I don't induce rage in nearly as many people as you. You told me you couldn't see my pregnancy showing - when everyone else around me could. You told me that a chocolate bar would damage my child's DNA - because you read it in the newspaper. You told me I definately endangered her life because I was given sleeping pills during labour - because labour is a great time of clear thinking and the maternity hospital knows nothing about labour or childbirth or pregnancy, not like you with your forensics degree. You told me I gave my daughter the cyst on her ovary because of the anti-depressants - even though I stopped taking them months before I got pregnant, you had no idea what kind of anti-depressants I was on and hadn't even heard of the ones I had been taking.

That was the final straw. That was way too close to crazy-making for my liking. Who tells someone who they KNEW was depressed, is a new mother and possibly depressed again, that taking meds caused harm to her child? Who does that? Even though you were wrong on all counts, it still disturbed me. What if I had been taking them? What if I had PND? What if I believed you?

You are a loser, you are a grand-standing loser. I'm polite to you because I have to be. I'm over it though - I'm not going to play nice anymore.

-a

PS: I don't know how you came to the conclusion I can't drive - what did you think we were doing when Mr A got drunk and we left together in my car?

brother,

pull up your socks bro. I love you but I'm sick of this shit. The lying, the ommissions, the wandering off. The pot smoking, the drinking, the bullshit. The plans. The never-ending fucking PLANS for money and success and they never include hard work do they?

Where are you living now, brother of mine?

- a
girltrouble
freck, & all you other lovely busties,

thank you so much for the support, the kind words and the ((()))s, but when i'm in my funk? i couldn't pick up the phone if i wanted to. perhaps it's having to put on the boy mask for so many years, but it is the hardest thing in the world, to let anybody in. when that dark cloud swallows me. what's more, i think it's obvious, i've got some serious trust issues. i love you all, and even though it might not seem like it, i've let y'all in more than i do most people irl.

i'll try to pick up the phone, but i'm not very good at it, as you probably know. anyways, thanks again,

gt
freckleface7
noelly:
I love you so much more than you know and I should have been more sensative and aware of how I'd feel in that same situation.
as close as you & I have been, I should have known better and I am sorry.
humbly,
freckle
evatuscaloosa
M,

Five and a half years ago, it took us exactly two weeks to get ourselves into one big huge mess. I put it all on the line, my job, my best friend and my self respect. My mistake was thinking we were in it together. You are the reason I don't trust anyone. You are the reason my heart went black for years. You are the reason I stood on that corner night after night, watching the cars go by and waiting for the sun to come up over that disgusting river because I didn't know what else to do. I don't think about you anymore, for the most part, I don't even remember any of it happened. I sincerely hope that you have grown into a better man. The only thing I did right over the course of knowing you was not faking it. At the time, I didn't fake it because I thought I was falling in love with you and I didn't want to mislead you. I might not have walked away from the wreckage with much, but at least I walked away knowing you knew that you never pleased me.

M,

You are not smarter than me and I can assure that, even if you didn't want me, I'm the best you'll ever have. Also, your tattoo is lame.

M,

The first night I was with you, I caught a glimpse of my self in the mirror and my eyes were so dead it scared me. I said to myself, "I should be getting paid for this".

N,

The first night I was with you, I thought to myself, "Holy shit, maybe all heterosexual sex is rape". You will never finish school, but you sir, should have an honorary doctoral degree in screwing with other people's lives. I hope you figure it all out but I'm still not sure if I want you to tell the truth about any of it.

To the aforementioned men and all the rest,

I don't hate any of you, I wish I had never known many of you but there isn't too much I can do about any of it now except try to do better for myself from here on out.

All of my love,

Eva
girltrouble
oh, mama freck, you don't owe me anything like an apology. you were supporting me. and you have my thanks, adoration, and love, as always. you, and the rest of the busties always have my back, something i'm terribly thankful for. wub.gif if i could pick up my phone in my funk, y'all'd be the people i'd call, no question. but by the time i post here, i'm almost at the tail end of things and purging what i can of it in the lounge confessional.
treehugger
G,

You're such a macho guy-you huff and puff and are such a tough guy-you told me that as a teenager you'd rather fight than fuck.

And today you confided in me-you were raped when you were twelve.

I understand so much more, now.

And I won't tell anybody.

I feel so honored that you felt you could tell me.

I won't violate that trust.
girltrouble

i am writing this letter, M, not because i couldn't or wouldn't say them to your face or on the phone, but rather, because i have tried talking to you, and found that you over talk me. you are not hearing what i am trying to tell you. i do this out of duress. because, quite frankly, i know no other way of talking to you were you can hear my point of view without interruption. i am not mad, if anything i am really saddened by what happened yesterday. the way i view our friendship now, is not the way i viewed it yesterday morning. i told you my faith in friendship is low, and today, it is even lower.

first i need to make one thing clear: you talk about me being 'properly compensated.' you seem to think that giving me money is the issue. i don't care about that, never did. i'm on unemployment. i can pay my bills, no problem. if money was the issue, wouldn't i have asked how much i was getting paid an hour? i never bothered to ask, because it wasn't important to me. helping you was. i don't really need to dj, it's just something that would be fun. i don't need to be a bartender, i just thought i'd try it. do you think those are the reasons why i've been busting my ass to help with the bar? they aren't. i wanted to help because you were a friend in need of help, and i could help. why do you think i worked for hours painting the place? it was friendship. those years when i first knew you, you were always asking 'where is the support?!" i thought, perhaps naively, that if i worked hard, you-- as a friend would appreciate it. that if i helped, you would understand, i wanted to support you. but it's quite clear, after thursday, that is not the case. in one day i realized your gratitude your thanks-- and your friendship-- were paper thin. i don't say this-- any of this-- out of anger. but more out of sadness and bewilderment. my trying to get the dj booth up and running, to get that system working-- a labor of love. an effort at support. an attempt to lighten your load, to make things easier, and for that, i got chided, lectured and told i was causing drama. my efforts to help, to support you were instantly taken for granted. tell me, M, how many hours did your other friends put in? how many people showed for your painting party? how many people helped more than one day?

i pushed the audio work back a day to make it more convenient for you, i knew because you had a lot on your plate. i was trying to help you. you later threw that back in my face, saying we should have done it on wednesday. i know you have a lot on your plate, in trying to support you, it is something i am very mindful of. in the last few days you've told me several times what both you and C are having to deal with. so i am well aware of all you had to do, which is why i was so quick to offer my help and my time, but i do have a life. while the circumstances may not be as severe as yours, i do have things i need to attend to. but never mind that, i tried to shift things around so i could be helpful, and when there was a missunderstanding, i tried to explain that i needed to do things, i was informed that i really had no idea what YOU had to deal with, and that if i didn't want to be supportive then that was fine. that sentence burned in my ear as soon as i hear it. not be supportive? seriously wtf? to support you? that had been my motive. that had been my goal, just to support you. yet, all the things i had done had in your mind, evaporated. if i didn't want to be supportive, you said, something you denied later, as if to call me a liar. why would i make something like that up? why? perhaps you were just talking, perhaps you didn't mean it, but those words changed EVERYTHING. i wanted to bring it up, several times, i was pissed when i let you in my apartment building. i wanted to discuss it right then, but i thought, she's stressed. let's get the job done. i gave you the benefit of the doubt. i wanted to discuss it when we were in the car, that's why i was talking about my faith in friendship being extremely low. but i didn't get to the heart of the matter, that that one little comment you made while over talking me stung. that all the work i had done had evaporated, that my help meant NOTHING TO YOU. what mattered was doing it your way, right then. all my actions, all my trying to help, support and make things easier for you in the past were subject to revision, subject to erasure the second i couldn't help you right then in the way you wanted. later, you asked, almost sarcastically if you had slighted me, the truth is, it's not so much that you slighted me, so much as you hurt me. it hurt that you could not see that all i wanted to do, all i was trying to do was support and help you, nothing more.

the thing you miss, the thing i was trying to tell you while you were overtalking me, was that i was trying to help you, i came in early to help and support you. for which you felt the need to complain that i should have done this favor a day sooner. i asked someone to come in and play for you and wasted her time, for which you felt nothing. i put myself out there, and instead of understanding i was trying to help, instead of even bothering to listening to me, you threw things up in my face and called my trying to explain my point of view, drama. i honestly do not know where we go from here. as i said, my feelings, my perspective on our friendship has changed. it seems clear to me, you do not want my support, or help. again, i say this not out of anger, but out of my hurt and bewilderment and my new view of things today, but i do not know if you even want me as an employee or a friend, and honestly i do not know if i want to be your employee or your friend. but i do know, that i won't offer to help you, and it pains me to write all of these things. you have held a very important, special place in my life. it absolutely destroys me that all of my good intentions, my efforts to give back some of the support you offered me have resulted in this. but as they say, no good deed goes unpunished.

gt
zoya
dear you -

I don't think I can spend time alone with you anymore. You may be trying to fix a flawed relationship, but the point is, you're in the middle of trying to fix it, which means you're still in it. Goddammit, I'm falling for you, and I know you know it. Because I am quite certain you're falling for me. In fact, I'm quite certain it's the pink elephant that's been in the middle of the room for some time now that neither one of us is addressing. I'm going to have to address it - and that means not spending time alone with you anymore. I know we are great friends, and we enjoy sitting and chatting with one another - but I can't do that right now. I just can't. I'm not willing to put myself in what is a dangerous situation for my heart and my self-worth. I'm sorry.

I want to explore my feelings more than you know, and that is exactly why I'm going to have to tell you just what I wrote above.

x
zoya

ETA: ps - working with you is torturous.
futura
R,

You really did it last night, did you? Do you really think i'm some floozy you can fool around with? I have feelings for you, i was honest, and then you treat me like this? You are insecure, immature, foolish. You know i am a great woman, and you should be thankful i even want to spend time with you, even after everything that happened last year. So you think i'm sexy, intelligent, humorous, everything a man could wish for and the next weekend you retract everything? I even gave you a chance to get things straight, to get out of this. In a way i'm glad you're showing your true colors now, so i can move on and meet a guy who will be with me point blank and treat me like i deserve to be treated.

I slept in your bed last weekend. That really meant something, to me, at least. But it was just another girl for you, right? I hate how you are dealing with sensitive issues. I hate how you treat me. I hate how i still care.

I hope you see now that you destroyed all there was? That there's nothing left now? That we can't be friends anymore?

I want to call you. I want to know how you feel. But i know it's useless. So i won't. I deleted your phone number. I'll think about deleting you from my fb account and other networking sites. For now, it's best to get you out of my system. Pronto.

You really fucked it up this time.

Farewell,

Y

eta: ((((((Zoya)))))
rogue
((((futura & zoya))))

Dear Tall Boy,

Why do you have to be so cute and so tall and yet so young and dating a trampy girl? I assure you I am much cuter than she is and seriously awesome. Too bad you'll never get a chance to find out now.

Desperately intrigued,
Rogue.
missladyj
Dear _____,
I realize that the class is only for an hour credit but you are supposed to do 24hrs of work. You are not paying for this class. It is FREE. It requires WORK. Trust me I understand that you are working full time and taking a class. I get it.

I guess I have a different work ethic than most. I will take your complaint to heart and think about making the class take more time and spread the work out. BUT IT IS STILL WORK !

Cheers.
j
culturehandy
Dear Universe,

Le Sigh.

CH

Dear Zoya,

I know precisely what you are going through in so many ways.

(((((zoya))))

your partner in falling for friends, making boys as best friends (and all the buts and crap that goes along there),

CH


((((((futura)))))) ((((((zoya)))))) ((((((gt))))))
sassygrrl
((everyone)))

Dear Dad,

I used my cell phone minutes b/c it's the only connection I have besides email. Also, I'm planning a wedding. Quit telling me that I don't have a job. I'm already in a shitty mood. What the hell about asking about a thank you card? I sent it 3 weeks ago. It's not my fault that your friends didn't tell you. I barely know them, and honestly am not going to use their gift. It's just not us. I understand that it's the thought that counts, but we're not fruit bowl type of people. Bailey and Zoe may break it anyways.

Universe,

Bleh.




rogue
((((sassy))))
rogue
Dear Vinnie,

Thank you so much for calling me tonight! I didn't realize until now how much I missed the sound of your voice. I can't wait to see you in your city next week and I know this is going to sound crazy but if you decided to be in love with me again (or realize that you've never stopped loving me and be okay with it once and for all) that would be awesome. I'd give up this town for you, easy. I'm no fool - I have never and will never stop loving you. You're gorgeous and amazing and the absolute best.

With oodles of love,
-Rogue.
sassygrrl
Nate,

Why did you email me back? I basically did the techno version of breaking up with you! I don't want to hear about your doctorate. I don't want to hear about your now engagement. I have enough crap going on in my life (lack of job, etc) to hear about you apparently doing great. In fact, I just asked about you and Michelle getting engaged b/c I didn't think you were. I wanted to one up you, because you're acting like you rule the fucking world. Maybe this is all a scam.

I know I fell for Sam. At the time, he was the better of you two. I also know that this was over 10 years ago. Fuck. I'm planning my wedding. These feelings shouldn't be happening. You once told my mother I was one of the smartest people you ever met. I wonder if you still think about that. Michelle was always jealous of me. Is she my replacement?

I just remember that Hollywood kiss on the stairs that day. I gotta think that's why you're still responding. Robert keeps telling me to just tell you I'm happy, and just forget it. He remembers the crush you had I gotta wonder why you're emailing me now. I didn't meet Mcgeek until 3 years ago. I know this is all in the past. Yet you emailing me just brings all this shit back up. I'm trying so hard not to respond. I want to tell you to fuck off, but part of me keeps thinking of our history. Fucking men.

J

My kick ass support team,

Please call. I know this is boy stuff, but email me or something.

J

Mcgeek,

I love you. I have to keep repeating it like a zen mantra. You don't think this is a big deal with Nate, but it would be like your ex wife popping back up. Who knows? She may.
epinephrine
Dear You:

What the fuck? You made the effort to track me down through a mutual friend, initiating contact after years out of touch, sent me messages and chatted with me a bunch, giving the impression you were actually interested in hanging out and reconnecting, and then you suddenly decide to drop me? Forget about our plans to hang out last week? Stop returning my phone calls and messages, stop responding in FB chat? Both times I've called you your girlfriend answered, and I got a weird feeling about it. If this is because of her, there are more mature ways to deal with it than just cutting me off. But the ball's in your court now. I'm not going to chase you.

C
rogue
Dear Girl-Who-Now-Dates-My-Ex,

I don't want to be with J. It's over. He's a nice guy and all, but we were shit together. Seriously. He was a horrible, horrible boyfriend. Whatever. It's four years worth of water under the bridge. But seriously - I kind of hate you. Okay, hate is a strong word. I really dislike you. That's better. J is in the military. He's going to have to go away. You knew this when you got involved with him. And next year he's going to Afghanistan. He will be shot at, almost blown up, and scared for his life daily (he and I dated for five-ish years so I know this - I know him well). And you? You picked this year to be away from him? You picked this year to go to school five hours away, to live on your own again, to party it up all while still maintaining a relationship with him and now you complain about how much you miss him on Facebook? Fuck off. Seriously, fuck right off. I know you can't put your life on hold for him but this will be his first tour over there and you should be home with him instead of sowing your wild twenty-two-year-old oats. He and I aren't even together now - never will be again - but if it were me there is no way in Hades that I would be away from him this year, because you never, ever know - this could be the last year of his life. I hate to say it, but it's a distinct possibility. Honestly, if he dies over there I don't think I will ever forgive you for having the opportunity to spend as much time with him as you could and yet throwing it away for parties and booze and other boys (because I know you, too, and I know what you're doing here in my city). Every day you prove to me how much more of a chickenheaded, selfish bitch you are. You don't deserve him.

Angstily,
Rogue.

Dear Stepsister,

I've been asked to "work my magic" on you and reconcile this fight we've been having for the past month. I've been asked (by your mother) to say, "Hey Sis! I know we got in a fight over a month ago but I love you and want this to be over". Uhm, fuck that. I pride myself on being constantly and consistenly honest, and that would be a Big Fat Lie. This is what I'm going to say to you instead: This is your brother's Big Day. He has been a classic underachiever for his whole twenty-nine years of life. I love him (even though he doesn't love me back/think I care about him) and so I'm not going to let your petty bullshit ruin his Big Day. So seriously - get over yourself. The world doesn't revolve around you. I wasn't even thinking about the shit that went down between us for weeks until your mother mentioned this to me. Grow up, S. There won't be a problem between us unless you make one and I swear on everything that is holy that if you start shit I'll be smacking it down so fast it won't know what hit it. You will not ruin this day for him, not over my dead body.

Again: GROW UP.
-Rogue.

(I might send that one.)

Dear Friend-With-Benefits,

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck? Why do you always disappear after we have an amazing makeout/demi-fuck fest? Seriously?! I need some insight that only you can give so get your head of your ass and make a reappearance soon or the next time you want me I won't be around. I don't take to being used lightly and I am not the kind of woman to be clingy and desperate so there is no reason for you to be pulling these disappearing acts. I would just appreciate a little respect, even though I want anything but in the bedroom.

Confused as always,
Rogue.

Also: ((((epi & sassy))))
girltrouble
(((epi))) (((rogue)))
sassygrrl
((epi))) ((rogue)))

Body,

Stop with the frigging headaches/migraines. We've had enough. Try to control the seizures too.

Jobs,

Please happen. Even a part time one would be fine. It would get you out of the house.

Self,

Please get some motivation. Your self esteem needs a big kick in the ass. Just b/c people have different lives doesn't mean that you aren't great. I know you've had some rough years, but look at what's happened to you. You have a house, Mcgeek, and a great support system that loves you. You need to start loving yourself.

Busties,

I know that last letter was lame, but I needed to write it.
coffeebean
(((sassy)))

(((epi)))

(((rogue))) - p.s. GREAT letter to the stepsis! smile.gif
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