Dear you,

This feeling of combined love for you and absolute fury at your unfairness is so familiar to me. When I think of all the times I caved, calling you back after you hung up on me, feeling like a mug but needing to talk us back to being okay. I can't do that anymore. You have had such power over me, my love for you has meant that I would put up with all your uncivil behaviour--the shouting, the abusive swearing and hanging up the phone. That is never and has never, ever been okay.

This is all alongside the shitty, shitty way you handled this recent situation. I have to wonder if being with you is not perhaps really bad for me, that I am with someone who can only see me in terms of my use value to them instead as a whole person. Typing this, I feel such love for you still, but I don't know how healthy that is.

You have to be better. You have to change.

I am someone I can be proud of, I have worked hard, and everyone but you can see this. All you see is my absence. You accuse me of not caring--where the fuck were you when I was low, was scared? Elsewhere. Now you're needy and feel I am neglectful because I am not there mopping your damn brow when you brought this on yourself. I am not in your life to manage your unhappiness. When we got together you were a dynamic, energetic, smart, lively, warm person--I want that person back...

(interrupted...)