Aug 1 2006, 07:02 PM
Ok, so I hardly know you, but I know your sister from way back. When you asked me to help plan her stagette with you, I was pretty surprised, as I haven't kept in touch with her for the past couple of years. I agreed, but stressed that I didn't think a splashy affair would be a good idea. The invitees have largely not seen her either! I researched, I kept in touch and I threw out what I thought were clever, creative and low cost ideas. I could not have been more direct about my desires.
You apparantly read nothing, as I just got your official invitation with a HUGE pricetag. I am already having to shell out big cash for the fancy hotel in the other city, plus the dress and the presents and now you add on hundreds of dollars for another hotel, transportation costs, more presents and tickets to a show 4 hours away that does not appeal to me in the least?! Person I hardly know, the bride is the millionaire, not the guests.
If this were a closer friend, it would be another story. I just want to drop out now. Not happy. Feeling guilted and trapped into this decision, as it is such a done deal.
Stupid fancy weddings. Bah.
Aug 1 2006, 09:55 PM
I didn't think it could get any worse.
He really, really has no regard for you at all, does he? You have no idea how much he devalues you, or do you? I can't believe what I heard from him last night.
Please, please stop accepting it. Find your own way. Quit latching onto other people's lives.
Yes, I am talking to you. Yes, you know who I am, though I would never admit it.
Aug 2 2006, 10:01 AM
Dear Ignore Button,
You really work when I use you and I adore you for that.
Hugs Not Drugs,
Ignore the people who want to breed gossip and hate. Trust your instincts and the people
you love. You know what is true.
Hugs Not Drugs,
To the Haters and Gossipers,
I know what you are all about, and it is sad really.
Aug 2 2006, 12:53 PM
Dear Bust Lounge,
I'm not a complete newbie, but I had to reregister and change my handle slightly. I've been lurking around for a few years, and more frequently since the change to the new layout. It's quite nice, the new layout. What is not nice, at all, it the elitist attitude that seems to be overtaking parts of the lounge. While there are many wonderful busties I've never interacted with, but observe their posts and think highly of them, there are some who are not so wonderful. What happened to being allowed to have dissenting opinions? Everyone seems to be so quick to jump down others peoples throats if they do not agree. Attacking every post another bustie makes because you didn't agree with an opinion they voiced is no better than being a playground bully. Really though, what makes it any better than a troll coming here to start fights with real busties? And all this complaining about the "good old days" is just tiring. Yes, I am sure Bust is not what is once was. Nothing is, take a look around at the world. People are always pining for the good old days of something, it's human nature. But really, if you don't like it here, then why are you still posting here? Why hang around if it's just so bad and has gone downhill? Move along. Seems pretty simple to me. I think Bust is a great place for people to voice opinions, debate issues, share tips, ideas, etc., be silly, support one another, and make new friends. I don't think it should be a place for others to try to dominate and make others feel unwelcome because they have a difference of opinion or are "newbies" and weren't around for the "golden era" of Bust. That smacks of high school cliques, in my opnion. Other than all the negeativity that seems to be permeating certain threads, I really love this place!
Edited to say: No, this was not directed at lounge member snafooey.
Aug 2 2006, 12:59 PM
Thank (((you))) for voicing what several BUSTies are thinking but don't want to voice themselves in case they too get attacked.
I hope you post more and lurk less this time - as long as you feel comfortable and BUSTies make you feel welcome (again).
Aug 2 2006, 01:11 PM
Cali, I agree with Bunny, you should stick around and post more often! And I love your user name, btw. A good friend of mine uses that expression often, hehe.
Aug 2 2006, 01:20 PM
Dear Lance Bass,
I am not making fun of the fact that you are gay, I just was not all that surprised when you came out. And since Ellen's coming out, it really just isn't that big of a deal to me, though I know the more homosexual celebrities, the better. I am obnoxious and get off and tasteless humor.
Your were always my fave N-Syncer, you taught Timberlake everything he knows, JC totally bit your style, nobody cares about what his name, and Joey is your best friend, cuz he knows whats up.
Dear New Job,
I like you.... a lot.
Dear Doggies Who Hang Out in The Office at New Job,
I like you gals, too.....A lot
Why can't you organize yourself?
Aug 2 2006, 01:23 PM
(((cunexttuesday, bunnyb,yuefie, GGG)))
Aug 2 2006, 04:54 PM
remember - it's just PMS. the world doesn't suck, nobody hates you, you aren't a horrible person, you have friends who love you, and you will have long forgotten all of these anxieties and negative thoughts by next week. hang in there, only a couple more days to go. remember to be kind to yourself.
Aug 2 2006, 06:30 PM
Edited to say: No, this was not directed at lounge member snafooey.
Thank you, Cunextuesday2 - I appreciate it.
Aug 2 2006, 06:57 PM
I know that I upset you when I had my surgery May 4. Please, it's been three months. Another period is starting very, very soon. Like now. Please don't give me another cycle like you have been ever since the surgery. I can't cope with having to empty the Diva Cup every two hours for three days. I do have to function at work, you know.
Go easy on yourself. You are just learning refrigeration. He just told you to go do it yourself because that's the way young birds fly...by being pushed out of the nest. I know it's scary and, today didn't go well. But maybe tomorrow will go better. Don't stress it and don't worry all night. Being tired from insomnia doesn't help you think during the day. You're doing okay. You're learning just as fast as any guy would be.
Aug 2 2006, 09:23 PM
You know what I think? (And forgive me if this has been entertained before. I wander this place pretty randomly, forgetting where I posted and what conversations were about for long periods of time *bad bustie!*). I was thinking we're all sniping at one another because we're all exhausted as fuck at the current state of the world. What was the latest truly good, miraculous, breakthrough feminist news we had lately? I mean, really? The pre-pregnant guidelines? South Dakota (Napoli-ick!)? The Child Custody Protection Act? Roe v. Wade for Men? Taliban vice squads back roaming Afghanistan?
I mean, we are in such major backlash. It scares me to death, truly.
I feel defeated.
And I hate that I feel defeated. I hate that I feel so scared. I was reading about the Central Park Jogger and I couldn't sleep last night, the rage and the impotence terrified me. It wasn't like I didn't know the story, but rereading the details. I don't like feeling like this, and I think much of it has to do with the last...what? Six years? I have become very sensitive and very suspicious. I've tried really hard to counteract it, but it's hard to keep one's self-esteem when she is constantly being told she is Less Than by the entire society. I don't think it's a huge mystery as to why depression is so damn common in women. I'm working on being more angry than defeatist, I promise.
Unless I'm literally going crazy.
I've noticed the progressive community beginning to lean to misogyny in some issues, as though some people were beginning to pick sides and were deciding to toss the women to the wolves. And isn't that what always happens in fascist theocracies? Polarity? Danger to women increases tenfold (at least). Shit gets bad.
I dunno. I think the lounge could use more healthy debate. I know that people might feel stepped on, sometimes, but that's life, you know? We're all polite and supportive around here (except in the venting threads, like this one and Confessions, where people don't really engage one another all that much, which is as it should be), so if someone is respectfully disagreeing with something you say in a non-venty thread, I don't think the initial reaction should be troll accusations. I think the trolls are pretty obvious.
As much as it has changed, this place is still pretty fabulous and unique for the internets. Everything must evolve.
Aug 2 2006, 09:34 PM
Wow, Luci. Wow. Well put.
Aug 3 2006, 06:07 AM
I agree with lucizoe although I hadn't looked at it that objectively. HOWEVER, I don't think any backlash should resort in lashing out at other BUSTies. To attack another feminist for not being as much of a feminist as you are is counterproductive; some of us are here cos we happened upon the lounge and found something at its core that we believe in but are tyring to figure out how we feel about it, what our own views are and trying to develop as feminists whilst working our own shit out. If we limit our interaction to posting in the "fluff" threads as we do then I don't think that's a bad thing. In the last few days the fun I usually have in the lounge has been tainted; y'know what? Life is sometimes shit, the world is shit and I come here for escape mainly, however I'm also trying to learn as I go.
I have come across some truly beautiful people here and I love the warmth and support we sometimes receive but there's also this air of defensiveness going around. BUSTies see other BUSTies being "attacked" or newbies slapped across the wrist and think, oh I'll post innocuously and be nice as pie so I don't get hurt (cos there's enough of that going around). However, sometimes people do intervene and get their fingers burned anyway. That's why I don't always join the more serious debates around here (although sometimes I try), not just because I dont feel like being serious in all areas of my life, but I don't want to be victim of the backlash. Yes, I admit that's the scaredy cat in me but not all BUSTies are stepped on nicely. To question and criticise a BUSTie's parenting skills is anti-feminist bullshit, I don't want to be attacked like that -noone should be. In the brief discussion about Andrea Yates noone came out and said that she was a bad mother because she turned Medea (and that's not my opinion) because that would have been unacceptable, however it's okay to imply it about a BUSTie? By all means, go into CG and call britney, madonna or courtney love a bad mother and yeah, it's judgemental, but you'll probably have some agreeing with you and others turning it into contentious debate but do not do it to other busties.
Okay, I know that we're opening a huge can of worms in here, but I'm tired of playing nice. The letters thread is used to vent and that's what i'm doing. I'm tired of feeling paranoid in here thinking letters are addressed to me so about time I wrote one of my own.
Aug 3 2006, 08:25 AM
Word, Bunny, especially when you pretty much know they are being directed at you.
If you have issue with a BUSTIE, take it to the PM. If you know eachother in RL, and you hide behind a screen name, you are a pathetic coward, and this place is not for you.
Aug 3 2006, 09:18 AM
Time Warner Cable,
You're driving me insaaaaaaane! Why don't you carry Bravo?!? Whyyyy?! I loooooooong to know what happened on Project Runway last night. But I have to wait! And it's driving me nuts! I can't visit a lot of my favorite blogs because they talk about PR there! I feel that I must either (A) walk around with my fingers in my ears for the next few days or (B ) ruin the suprise & just jump into the PR thread, anyway.
How do I choose?!?! At this rate the final episode is going to be pure torture. And it's all your fault, Time Warner! You inflicted this pain upon me!!!!
Writhing & fretting,
Think I could sue Time Warner for the unnecessary distress they've placed upon me?
Aug 3 2006, 09:37 AM
I am sorry for subjecting you to all those toxins. From here on out I will take better care of you, get you more sleep and not go mad with the vino.
Green tea, water and berries all the way, promise!
Aug 3 2006, 04:46 PM
hee! you deliberately & somewhat awkwardly spoke to me when frecklette & I were in line yesterday - you DO like me!!
I hope you are happy.
I hope you have a wonderful loving wife w/ good kids who treat you right and oodles of sweet rosy cheeked grandkids that adore you and call you Grampy.
your kindness is not unoticed friend~
Aug 3 2006, 05:42 PM
that was lovely.
Aug 3 2006, 08:10 PM
dear wisdom teeth,
i know, it's that Q 3-month period where you act up, i chew lots of gum and stab you with sharp objects to stimulate my nociceptors, and talk you back down from inflammation as i bide my time until i get a dental plan that will cover your removal. (can you wait another four years...?)
dear chancre sores,
you, you are not welcome. go. be gone!
dear new jersey-sounding verzion lady,
wow. thank you thank you thank you. i do believe you are the sole home verizon customer service rep with any sort of competence.
i miss you all so much. thank you for putting up with my frantic calls home. there will be more, for a while anyway. i miss you and love you all and will see you soon.
Aug 3 2006, 10:59 PM
Dear BUST Lounge,
I love you and all the BUSTies and BUSTers that make this place special. I think the BUSTies who've been around since the start are the heart and soul of this place, while those of us who came along a bit later have become a special part of it too. And the newbie BUSTies and BUSTers all have something wonderful to add. There really is no reason for any of us to divide in to camps. BUST is a place for us to celebrate our diversity. Honestly, who really wants to be a part of something where everyone is cookie cutter and agrees on everything all the time? That sounds painfully boring to me. I feel that the Lounge is changing and evolving, as I am sure it has many times, and in that there will be some growing pains. I also feel that the people who choose to stick around because they love what it stands for, are really the backbone of it all, regardless of their, shall we say,"tenure". And I think the ones who've seen the many comings and goings since it began and have chosen to stick around or are just returning, can help guide the rest of us who are still learning about this place. I agree with many of the points that have been made in previous letters by my fellow BUSTies who feel as passionately about this place as I do. I agree that nobody should be looked down upon because they are new, and being a long time BUSTie doesn't give any of us the right to be nasty to other members. There is a fine line between disagreeing with someone and attacking what they say because you feel that your view is superior. Are we debating or are we picking on the other persons view simply because we do not care for them? Are we really trying to give another point of view? I think most of us here are genuine and have no ill intentions. I also feel that if we keep that in to perspective, we can avoid the BUSTie on BUSTie crime of late. That being said, there are times when discussions will become heated. And if you can't take the heat, you should probably stay outta the kitchen. It's just a fact of life that we will not always agree, but that is the beauty of the BUST Lounge!
I am thankful I stumbled upon this place, oh I would say it was around the end of 2003. I chose to lurk for a while, like many seem to do, but am so glad that I chose to throw my hat in to the ring. I ♥ this place
Aug 4 2006, 01:25 AM
dear new bosses -
go easy on me, please. I'm so nervous of f**ing up when I start working directly under you next month. It's gonna take me awhile to get you, please remember that. I really want to stay with this job, so I hope you understand.
Dear Mr. HMCHH -
f**ing say hi goddammit!!
I still wanna do your fine ass, and delve into your fine brain, and be friends, so don't you forget it!
Dear you -
you are an idiot. and yes, I am bitter as hell at you for letting me believe that you were the one. You are a chameleon that is only capable of carving your personality out of what whomever you are enamored of at the moment is. So no wonder I thought you and I connected at a deeper level than anyone I'd ever known. Now I see your game. You are a sick, sick man.
and of course, now and then I miss you.
but I fight it.
because in the end, you treated me like shit.
Aug 4 2006, 07:35 AM
[Edited. Sorry. Can't post what I wanted. Damn lack of anonymity.]
Aug 5 2006, 08:46 PM
To My Old Crush,
I was talking to a friend last night about fantasizing about old crushes as a comforting feeling, and she had said something about the ones we want to impress the most end up not being so hot. I would fantasize about being a successful writer or reporter, and meeting you for a story (you were an artsy fellow), and I would be a sophiscated woman instead of the shy nerd I was in freshman year of college. I had been in a couple of classes with you, and the way you would look at me surprised me, like you just locked in on me. I thought you were funny and outspoken and very popular, but whenever I spoke to you, you would get very quiet and meek around me. I didn't get it, thinking something was wrong with me. Despite that some people told me I was pretty, I didn't feel it. I wore black cat-eye glasses, and having become thinner, I didn't know how to handle my new body and being less shy and reclusive. So I admired you from afar, and when you'd say hi to me, smiling wide, I would beam inside. A friend saw me afterwards and laughed, going, "What are you so happy about?" A month later, I asked you out to a movie, but I was so nervous and shy I hardly looked at you. You asked what time, and I said so, and you said he were busy. So I dropped it. I remember talking to you and making jokes and liking to make him smile. Like when you said he wanted to do a monologue for the college's Vagina Monologues show, and I told him that I saw a show where Rosie Perez had done the monologue he had chosen, and you smiled and looked down, all sheepish and cute. At the end of the winter semester, I emailed you, asking if you wanted to hang out with a friend and me, but you said you were really busy. A friend told me that he hadn't been responding to my advances, so I got the hint, feeling like a lovesick puppy, and stopped pursuing you. The day after, we had the same class, and when I glanced at you, you were staring at me. I don't know what you were thinking, I just felt embarassed and foolish.
The next semester I got into plays and met new guys, including a shy but hilarious short guy who was balding at 20 (he looked like Bob Balaban to me). I released myself from my infautation and wanted to kick myself for acting so immature and ridiculous. During the summer I worked at a movie theater, and was an usher, mostly around guys, and became much more assertive and stronger, of taking their orders and cleaning up garbage and working round the clock, building my body into strength and feeling more alive. When I returned to school, I didn't see you for a month. I hoped never to run into you, but one night I passed you across campus. You stared at me, as I did you, and I said hello, politely. You said hi back, and that was it. I didn't see much of you (I still got involved with plays and my aforementioned male friend), and when I saw you become this big star on campus, I felt stupid for falling for you like a groupie. You had a show on the college TV network, and for kicks, I decided to call in. I called in, and instead of saying anything, I put the phone to my stereo and played White Zombie's cover of "I'm Your Boogie Man." You smiled and went, "Hey, turn that up." I played it for a minute before getting on the phone, saying how I wanted to surprise the hosts and cap off the show. I said my name was Mary, and your co-host talked to me while you looked down, as if you recognized my voice. I only spoke for 30 seconds or so, then said goodnight. You said, "Goodnight, Mary," as if you knew it was me.
Sometimes if I saw you at parties, I would ignore you as usual, but if I had to walk past you, you always looked down, like you wanted to avoid me. I hated that, wanting to say, "I'm not gonna ask you out again or flirt with you. Just talk to me normally."
Well, you did once. At another party, I saw you there, but stayed cool. Then you started talking to me, with simple his and how are yous, and I answered back, feeling shy and nervous again, but smiling to stay cool. It was a really nice moment, and you kept smiling and looking right at me. You were always so talkative with everyone else, but very quiet and sweet with me.
When I transferred to study journalism in NYC, I approached you at another party and asked if I could keep in contact with you (I don't know why I asked, I wanted to say a final goodbye). You looked so boyish and young when I saw you up close. I had thought, "This is who I've been mooning after? He looks so small and shy." You gave me his email, and I wrote to you a few months later, saying hi, but didn't get a response.
When I came to NYC, I wanted to be a sexy, mysterious girl, to have lots of trysts and leave in the night, to leave behind my awkwardness and to forget about my unrequited crush. It didn't work out that way. I had two awkward one-night-stands where I didn't feel sexy or turned-on, just bored and clinical towards sex. I realized that I get more into guys when I've known them emotionally than just making out after a date. I made a couple of male friends through the dates, but we're not close friends.
It's been three years now. I would think about you a lot, and would be happy thinking of some memory of him or the way you looked at me that would make me grin inside.
I've seen your Myspace, and you look like you live a happy, bohemian life. I get a kick out of reading your posts and seeing your videos, like I'm learning new and interesting things about you.
Aug 6 2006, 02:14 AM
every time I saw you, I could never say no. So now I will.
No, I don't know of anything, find your own fun.
No, I'm not available, I have things to do.
No, I don't want another drink, especially not around you.
No, I won't hang out with you.
No, I won't make small talk with you, I have to be somewhere.
No, I won't talk to you online, I am doing something else
No, I won't listen to you about her.
No, I won't flirt with you.
No, I won't act cute around you.
No, I won't be your cute friend.
No, I won't sleep with you.
No, I won't do anything that could lead to sleeping with you.
No, I will not stay over.
No, I will not indulge you.
No, I will not eat your shit.
No, I will not pretend everything's okay, nor will I share things about my life that will make you want me.
No, I will not say no and then say yes at the last minute.
I am sad and tired and very very embarrassed that I had anything to do with you, and still want everything to do with you. It makes me quite a loser to be seen pretending you are my friend. And you shared friend secrets with other people! Oh, did I think we could be like that? Silly and all? I am sorry, a mistake, but apparently one that eventually got you on your toes and back to me.
In a few years, one of us might call the other up for a drink. Maybe. I can see myself laughing this off, "life is strange" and all that, prepared to wow you with my coolness, or just share that I am a better, stronger, more experienced person. Not perpetually fifteen. I don't want to need to do that. To do the sex test (hmmm, so would it happen after all these years? let's see!) No, no nono nononono. Oh, god, I want a good solid, important, stay-up-and-get-trashed-talking about-peanuts/Peaches friendship, where we run around like children and get excited about pad thai. I don't want to touch you, it would be so lovely to not want that. I just fuckin' hope, every time. I think this is the end, you left on the opposite note. Not bye, let's talk online about silly music and have INSIDE JOKES! but bye, I-smell-like-your-shower-gel-now-*giggle*. Now, let's see, which is lamer?!
give me two years, tops.
I'll be done soon.
Just remember, you're a dick. Quite a hip one, but still a dick.
Aug 6 2006, 06:50 AM
I never want us to end either. Yesterday really devastated me and I'm still in shock: I never thought you would end it, temper or not. I guess I shouldn't have been so complacent; I won't be anymore. I've been shaken to my senses and I will never take you for granted again; you mean the world to me carebear and I can't bear the thought of losing you. You make me feel so special and the texts you sent last night were so sweet, I know you feel really bad about it and are worried about me. I'm hurt but I'll get over it, as long as we're okay- I know you've reassured me that we are but until you're back and have your arms around me I'm still going to feel uncertain. I need to see your eyes when you say you didn't mean it and you love me.
Ok, I'll wipe my tears away and go do some work.
I love you infinite amounts,
Aug 6 2006, 08:43 AM
*slipping in quickly*
I tell jokes as well as juggle, let me know.
Aug 6 2006, 09:34 AM
Eeek, the joke thread's gone!
(((ggg))) thanks .
Aug 7 2006, 11:53 AM
Can you stop sucking so badly? Seriously, just let one thing go right,!I need this deal done to get that devil off of my back! I have NO MONEY and am cringing of the fact that I may have to ask Dad for a cushion, ugh!
Seriously, let this deal go through on all the of the before agreed upon space, let the antique dealer buy my pieces, and a winning lottery ticket may be a good bonus as well!
Hugs not drugs,
YOU BROKE DOWN ON ME! WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THAT? AND NOW? NOW!?!?!? AT THIS INCREDIBLY INCONVENIENT TIME IN MY LIFE???????
WAY TO BE, CAR!
Dear goddesses of commerce,
please send me more action, it is getting boring and I am too broke for boring.
you's a peach!
Hugs not drugs,
Aug 7 2006, 02:20 PM
Dear puppy I have yet to meet and adopt,
Give me a month. I'm working on the money issue and then I'll come and claim you. I can't wait to meet you!
Aug 7 2006, 02:35 PM
Dear Boy -
I love you to pieces, truly I do. It's just, well, sometimes I think you're functionally developmentally disabled (that would be "retarded" in non-pc-ese). I mean, you can't grasp the concept of thinking things through, the big picture is about as abstract a concept to you as, oh, I don't know, scrubbing the toilet (something I've yet to see you do - by the way, how DO you get shit under the seat?).
You calling me at work telling me that you agreed to work an 8 hour shift the day we move into our dream home was, well, stupid. First of all, a smart cookie would wait until I got home. Yes, I would have gone just as nuclear as I did just now, but it would be in the privacy of my own home as opposed to in front of the people I need to keep a professional facade in front of. Doing that showed that you could give a shit about me sometimes.
Oh, but let's address this issue of working an 8 hour shift the day we move thing. Really? For real? You're not shitting me, are you? Dude, what. the. fuck. That is Olympic Gold winning stupidity there, sir. Let's us review, hmmm? We knew about this impending move for, oh, 4 months now right? You've been at the new job for, what, a week now? So, uh, at which point did you figure it was ok to NOT FUCKING TELL THEM YOU WERE MOVING!? And your plan B, having your parents! do the work for you! You're really going to have your 60 year old mother lug crates of LPs? Oh, or were you expecting me to do it? How 'bout your dad and those 50 (yes 50) boxes of CDs? How about me having to put up with them?
And speaking of this whole moving debacle - were you not the one who didn't check when the current lease expired, and then being so friggin' cheap as to not buy an extra week rent, and leaving us literally 1 day to get everything moved out of apartment 1 into apartment 2? Yup, that was you. And now, NOW, you're going to work that one day. Gee, thanks.
Eat a dick, because right now, that's as close to head as you're getting in a long, long, long time.
Aug 7 2006, 05:03 PM
i am a WHITE HOT MESS right now, i am 900 miles away and it takes all the strength in my body to keep my shit together professionally during the day. i can't sleep through the night. i feel like my body doesn't fit right. i don't care about anything, really, anymore. you are, regrettably, my only support, and i'm sure you're tired of having every call from me resemble a trainwreck.
dad- i know you're trying to be nice, and helpful, and, well, a dad. but i don't need, or even want, the things you bought for me and left at my house when you visited. and for some reason, all of this makes me cry.
i do a lot of that nowadays. in the car to the lake? good thing i had mary kate glasses on, because the 2 hour excursion i was fighting the tears the whole way, didn't want your quasi-weekend vacay to turn into COCL's weekend therapy.
i could go on. but i have to get my shit together for the rest of the evening, as the work is never done.
your newly fucked up daughter,
Aug 7 2006, 05:47 PM
okay, a really AWFUL dick.
get over your cuteness and feel like the misogynist asshole you are once in a while.
hi. look at yourself. okay, you already did. why do you have those scars? That is strange and unhealthy and not sexy. If it's necessary, go for it, but you could be doing other things. You need to stop interacting with the outside world that has no bearing on you. Like, stop sleeping, stop listening to lizzz, start running maybe? That could be a wayto get you far and out of this "ness" Please stop remembering. Learn to "not care" because I think at this point, RIGHT NOW, the kick in the ass is HERE, and will not stop kicking until you shape up before September. There are a LOT of cool people in the world. Most of them that matter are around you. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to wallow. It's okay to cry a lot about nothing. But you've exercised your right to do those things and nothing else. Nobody is stopping you from continuing, except yourself. You do need to get out of this, but it doesn't have to be self-help, oprah-style; it can be doing things like turning off your phone, watching telelvision, playing the Sims, building things, painting even. Do things that are out of character, and continue this until the nagging goes away. Because it CAN go away without therapy, drugs, alcohol, and daniel johnston. Those things have been FANTASTIC this summer, but you can't use them forever. They're not giving you good art, or making you smarter, or even making you a more interesting person. They build comfort, but it is not comfort you need right now. Try it tonight, unpack some more, give away half your stuff, be sleepy and okay with it, watch a top 40 video.
If you need anything, I will be right here as usual,
Aug 7 2006, 06:54 PM
Do it. It'll be good for you.
Aug 7 2006, 08:54 PM
dear body -
dear zoya -
stop fuckng around and get some work done already!
it's super important. Don't get behind.
Aug 7 2006, 11:53 PM
dear socially awkward boy,
you are still cute, and yes, i would still ravage you silly if only you would say something or give me a hint that you know i exist and find me attractive. even though you had your moment of dickery and stupid awkwardness.
i hate that i feel like i scare you! i am really and truly not that scary. i promise! i'm actually quite shy. and so are you. therefore, we have a dilemma.
let's resolve this shit.
Aug 8 2006, 02:06 AM
look, i realize that there are only ten microwaves in the break room and about 90 bajillion of you all trying to heat your tortillas and wierd green lentil-based slop in time to eat it before our half-hour lunch is over and we have to get back to the line. but my hot pocket was in this one first, and no amount of dirty looks, impatient shuffling, and/or "accidental" hip-checking is going to move my fat ass before that minute fifty is up. cause i know y'all would yank my shit out and pull the "no speaky english sheepish face" card when i call you on it. cause i've seen you do it. what it does cause me to do is wait until you're trampling each other in the paroxysm of your "look, only ten seconds left!!!11!!1" frenzy, and casually scan the horde for the one guy standing calmly in the very back quietly resigning himself to eating his el monterey beef and red chili burrito cold from the vending machine-again, and say to him "you, sole sane person in this whole melange, hand me your burrito. yes, you." then i will open the door, slip his burrito in and set the timer, before yanking my own food out and slamming the door and hitting start, thus robbing you of your half-second "hey, open microwave door, mine!" window of squee and the only slightly less enjoyable to you annoying to me opportunity to cram your stuff in with it. cause i'm perverse like that. and you all annoy the shit out of me. then i will stroll outside, eat, and laugh my way through the second lunchtime cigarette that i have time for because i know i can pee in the nearly empty bathroom at the end of my lunch, seeing as all you bitches wasted half your lunch rushing there as soon as you came off the floor. giving me time to get my hot pocket in the microwave first. see how very circle of life that all is?
p.s. don't be badmouthing my mad knife- or bird-holding skillz out on the line unless it's causing me to make a fucked up or incorrect cut. which it's not. that may be an ergonomically satisfying grip for you, my stubby friend, but some of us missed our calling as concert pianists. don't make me cut a bitch.
Aug 8 2006, 11:48 AM
Dear "Supportive" Male "Friend" of the Woman Who Didn't Call My Office Today,
Look, I know you want like mad to help her. I know the situation is making you insane with frustration. I know the answer you got from me is probably the same answer you got from four other agencies before you called mine - and I know that's probably the reason you hung up on me.
The thing is, I don't think you quite understand what you're asking, when you phone me up and ask me to intervene into an abusive relationship that I know nothing about. But no, for the record, I won't phone up your friend, I won't send pamphlets in the mail, I won't do anything to make contact with her, until she takes the first step to contact me. Leaving aside the feminist ethics that prevent me from taking a woman's power away, which I'll discuss in a moment, do you not realize the dangerous risk I would be putting your friend in, if an envelope with our return address appeared in her letterbox, or if our number appeared on her call display? I mean, can you just think about that for a minute?
Now, let's talk about those ethics.
There's an important piece of information you are missing here. I was trying to explain it on the phone when you hung up, so let me spell it out here: the woman who is experiencing her own life has to be the one to take the first step to change it. She has to be the one to make the call. She has to be the one to ask for the pamphlets, or set up a meeting, or otherwise express interest in the services I have to offer. It is her life - and while we're on that point, if she does happen to contact me, I'm going to find out what she wants, and help her get that for herself. This isn't about getting her what YOU want for her.
Yes, that's right, Mr. "Supportive" Male "Friend." This is her life. As much as you'd like to throw her over the shoulder and haul her out of there yourself, you know you can't just do that...you are at least smart enough to know that. But you still have a certain thoughtlessness that begs the question: why do you assume you have the right to bring in an unknown third-party to start telling your friend what YOU think is best for her? Because that's basically what you're asking me to do.
And let me continue in that vein, 'cause I think it's the point you're missing: I can't force your friend to "see the light," and neither can you. It's up to her. She is the only one who has the power to change her situation, and you need to start figuring out how to respect that, because if you can't respect her right to self-determination, what kind of guy are you, exactly?
I know which guy you are. You're the guy who thinks she should be with you instead. You're the one who has visions of rescuing the damsel in distress from the terrible dragon, carrying her off to your castle, and spending the rest of your lives together in eternal bliss. I can spot you guys a million miles away. It's the desperation in your voice.
Now I'm going to tell you something for your own good: as long as you are approaching this situation with your own self-interest at heart, you are NOT being a supportive friend at all.
Presuming that she does leave, do you really think a new relationship is going to be something she needs or wants right now? Can you honestly imagine that running headlong from a bad relationship into a new relationship is in the best interests of your "friend?"
Or here's a thought: have you ever thought that your romantic interest in her is one of the things that keeps her from leaving the relationship she's in now, because she doesn't want to be "free" to be "pursued" by you (or anyone else)?
And here's just one more reality check for you: do you really think that, once she leaves, she is going to be the same woman she is now? Is that why you think she's so perfect for you? Do you think that she is naturally sweet and submissive, a fantastic cook, an excellent housekeeper, and always willing to do anything in bed? Or do you think maybe some of that comes from her fear of being abused by the guy she's with now, should she screw something up, because heaven knows what might set him off? Do you think if she just runs away with you, she will still be all those perfect things, and you will be able to have your perfect life together? No really, I'm asking you - what is it you are expecting to happen once she leaves, if she leaves?
Anyway, I'm going to sign this off now, because I do need to get back to the tasks at hand.
This letter isn't really about you, specifically. I get dozens of calls from guys like you all the time. I just wish I knew what to do about it. Maybe if you'd wait a few extra minutes before hanging up on me next time, I could explain it better.
The Woman You Hung Up On Today
Aug 8 2006, 05:00 PM
I have given up on you.
I thought better of you, but you have proven to me that you don't know how to act/behave/be a friend. Do I still want to be with you - in some regards yes. But I know it's not going to happen. Right now, I kinda sorta really hate you. And hate's a strong word. I haven't called you today - the first in many days of my constant calling. I'm tired of the way you act, your moodswings...perhaps it's you who should be on the meds, not me. I went through hell yesterday and you could not even be there for me - wtf is up with that?
Not liking you,
So I've screwed up royally right now. In many aspects of the word. I'm in physical pain. Mental anguish and down-right hardcore depression (guess that one will be a life-long struggle). I could make excuses but they wouldn't be good enough nor would they make up for my wrong-doings. I hope that you can show that humanity is good, because all I see right now is the bad. Oh and please help to make December-January happen...it would probably do me a whole lot of good. So I'm sorry for what I did, I know in the end I only hurt myself, but realize I hurt no one else, perhaps hurting myself is the worst thing to do. I've been crying, don't have enough money to pay for my meds, my mother won't give me money for my meds. I am despondent.
Aug 8 2006, 07:53 PM
Why do you always make me feel like worthless shit? Why? I'm sorry I ever came to you for help. And I'm sorry I asked for so much money. I am, and I truly felt bad doing it, and I felt bad that it was such a short notice. But it's a short term loan, and I'd be able to pay you back by next Friday once I get my apartment deposit back and once I get paid. So now I don't know what to do. I really am fucked now.
Why do you even give me "help"? You act like such a fucking martyr and put on this big fucking act about keeping your marriage together for the sake of the (fully grown) kids, and putting up with bullshit at work so that we can go to school and make something of ourselves. Well fuck you. Fuck you for always finding the most cutting ways to throw it back in my face. You could've just said no. At least dad wasn't a complete ass about it. But you...
I'm so fucking poor right now, so fucking stressed out. But I'm just your spoiled little girl fucking around with mommy and daddy's money in grad school, right? Yeah, thanks for the $25 bucks you sent for spending money me last month. I'm living large now.
I hate you right now. But more than anything I hate myself for believing it would be any different now than it was ten, eleven, twelve years ago. If you were throwing this financial bullshit in my face when I was a geeky 13 year old kid who hardly ever got to go out with her friends, what the fuck made me think you wouldn't raise hell when I moved across the country for school? I hate myself for going to school full time instead of going part time and working full time so that I'd be able to afford my own rent. I really do.
You have no idea how I dream of saving up an ungodly amount of money just so I can throw it all back in your fucking face. No idea. I'm sorry I've ever taken a cent from you. Every cent, going back to the cost of my first goddamn diaper.
Aug 9 2006, 12:17 AM
Dear BUST Lounge,
How I miss you sometimes. <3
dear boy who writes for the right-wing paper about how to change the Cuban regime,
I really want to believe you were joking when I asked why you don't argue for putting a wall around all of South America and you said that that's what we *should* be doing. How do people like you exist? You're a nice guy and all but seriously! A communist "threat"?
No, the ideals I advocate are not post-structuralism on crack. You on the other hand are a policy wonk on crack.
stars & stripes,
Aug 10 2006, 01:05 PM
To she who would be Pamela Digby Churchill Haywood Harriman: You big phony. I see right through you. I don't like you. Hiding to lurk, suddenly disappearing from the 'on' list, always trying to exert control and manipulate, using other names -- You stink!
Faeiretials -- are you ME?!?!?!
Seriously, I didn't go to Law School the way I wanted because my parents were such skinflints. I wasn't a spoiled brat, and I know they had "problems" , but, within reason, you are supposed to want your children to have what they need and make something of themselves.
I dropped out and worked and got my own skills and then went back to school and paid for it myself because there was no way in hell I was going to let them treat me like a dumb, weak, needy piece of crap because I liked books better than sports and I wanted to make something of myself instead of being a nice little office slave with a husband and two kids in some tickytacky house in some small town. Seriously, that's all they thought I should require. And they acted like I could never, never, never, do even the tiniest thing right.
I left, went to school, dropped out, worked, went to the gym, did Outward Bound, etc.
but -- maybe you want to stay put because sometimes I think -- why did I let ego, guilt, manipulations etcetera make me lose so much time out of my life? Why did I have to prove something to them? It's not like they liked being contradicted. I climbed sheer rock faces and paid for it myself and I was still a silly little demanding little waste of time to them. Ya know?
But you have my sympathy. I hope you get through what you need to get through. School is a privilege in a way, but you have to be able to have big chunks of time and thought to give to it and it is horribly hard if something goes wrong. I know, because I had to drop out twice. Had to. Recession, no part time job hiring, raising rents, crises not caused by me that I couldnt control -- but hey -- the third time was a charm!!
See if you can find someone in the financial aid office or dean's office to talk to. You don't have to go in there blubbering or scamming, just find someone halfway decent, they can move certain obstacles for you. lIke, deadlines, they can hold things open so you can pay later or get you advance loan money and stuff like that. They did it for me. Good luck.
Aug 11 2006, 05:45 AM
Dear ex bf,
You once asked me to describe what type of fruit I was, pretty random but I played along and said "strawberry" and you promptly summed me up as "sometimes sweet but with bits that can get caught in your teeth". How charming. You? A piece of fruit that appears a little bruised but okay and then you bite in and find you're rotten to the core.
Do not piss me off tonight, I'm warning you.
Aug 12 2006, 11:58 AM
Please stop shooting random people from my past out of your asshole. I really can't fucking take it anymore. NOBODY ELSE NEEDS TO CRAWL OUT OF YOU, okay?
PS: Yes, I know it's my own fault for writing a fucking book. But really, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
Aug 12 2006, 12:27 PM
I'm sorry i forgot that you died 5 years ago yesterday. Sorry that i've moved on. Sorry that I don't think of you as much as i should. It doesn't mean i don't still love you just as much as when your bedroom was just next door to mine. Sorry that I never became the girl you wanted me to be. Sorry that i never ammounted to more than you did. Sorry that you died and I didn't. Sorry that I feel somehow everyone would have been better off that way. Sorry that I don't laugh as much as i used to. I wish i could walk in the sea and be where you are, floating like your ashes on the waves. Mum said you were an angel, to beautiful to live on this earth, came from heaven and returned so quick. That's why i think god hates me. He took my angel away. I don't think i'll ever forgive him for that.
I'll always love you.
Aug 12 2006, 07:51 PM
I want to thank you for putting up with my crap and just kind of understanding. I AM doing a TON of things for you, compromising a bunch for you, giving up a lot. And I need validation for it. So please just keep reminding yourself that I don't mean harm...
I love you to pieces and back again,
Aug 12 2006, 08:22 PM
dear nelly furtado-
why, for fuck's sake? you were kinda folksy, kinda arty, kinda stand-out, and i squeed with delight about the "men in skirts? hawt!" when i first saw the video so long ago. then you disappeared, and showed up again out of nowhere with some super remixed synthpop crappola, and i said, "no. no, that can't be my nelly furtado." and yet there you are, getting down with timbaland and la brillo-head himself, and looking like every other pop hoochie out there right now. the body is slammin', especially post-kid, and such a style-change was a huge risk, and i gotta give you props on both counts, it was brave. but from this end, it just looks like you saw everyone else cashing in on the hot "it" trend of the day, and said "i gotta get me somma that!" and for that, i admire you just a wee bit less. i know people grow and change and move on, but now you've got me spooked. i'm waiting for 50 cent to announce that he's trading in his thug cred and having andrea bocelli produce his first album in his new career as a classical operatic powerhouse. really, the mind, she is boggling.
Aug 12 2006, 09:00 PM
SC Boy, if you're lurking in BUST, have fun on my account. You're an dick for dumping me over sex, and you will never be fucked in your life. You're an self-centered asshole who is still living at home, and will be the real version of the 40 year old virgin. I will not apologize for wanting to get laid. I just want my damn dvds back, so please send them. Why the fuck did you have to write me love letters and lead me on? By the way, your family is totally fucked up. Could your father be more of an asshole?? What a homophobic freak. Did you not tell them that I live in the gayest part of midtown? Not to mention the whole prayer thing before lunch. I don't believe in organized religion, and I thought you knew that. So, I had to sit and bite my tongue about not discussing politics or religion. And not let them see my tattoo.
I know you were just someone to really hang out with, and I'll be over you by Monday. But, for someone who was so hung up on sex, you sure did like your blowjobs.
Dear body, get some sleep.
Grrrlyouwant, so with you on Nelly. WTF?
Aug 13 2006, 12:59 AM
I had one of those. Sorry about that whole thing.
Aug 13 2006, 10:19 AM
Opheliathemuse, Love the name by the way. She was my fav character in Hamlet. Thank you so much. I'm better off without him, but it still hurts a bit.