Sep 11 2006, 01:55 PM
Sep 11 2006, 02:15 PM
i had a dream about you last night, and it really upset me. it was about your asshole stepdad, and how guilty i feel for not doing anything about it at the time. i'm sorry i didn't tell my parents, and try to help you. i'm sorry that i wasn't more supportive, i just didn't know what to do. i'm sorry i just went home with my parents at the airport and left you with that fuckface, when i would've liked to punch him in the balls until he was dead. i'm so sorry
i wish i would have tried harder and done more.
Sep 11 2006, 02:19 PM
Everyone is entitled to an opinion. No need to put others down in return.
Sep 11 2006, 02:50 PM
I saw your add in the paper yesterday, a job that I really feel I could do and probably be really good at;
I can't apply for you, at least not yet.
I have to go and get 'learned' and get that diploma, but I am cutting you out & holding on to you, and am going to re-read you often, to remind myself of what I'm working towards.
don't worry, I'm coming,
future advocate for women social worker
Sep 11 2006, 04:54 PM
That letter earlier was meant for you but what I really need to say is that I think you are a coward. Your big tough guy act is a facade, and you run from the first sign of real emotional connection and caring. I know you grew up with a harsh mother, in a home where affection was not freely shown. I get that it's scary to you, but disappearing not just from my life, but from all my friends and family who grew to love you is a just a punk ass pussy pants move. And guess what, staying in touch with one of my loved ones is also a chicken shit move. You wanted out and you got what you wanted. That means you do not get to be any part of my life. You get no information. Unless you want to show up here on my doorstep and grovel a bit. I'm open to that. But I think we are way past that now. So do the right thing and just go away.
Not so fondly,
King of all asshats,
You are the one that deserves that kind of anger, so yes, that letter is really for you. GO DIE. That is all, you sociopathic fuckstain.
In pure hatred,
Sep 11 2006, 05:02 PM
I love you and I am grateful for your love, respect, kindness, did I say love, yeah, and your hot cock.
Bless you on your way.
Sep 11 2006, 07:12 PM
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCk! If you don't give me a fucking reprieve, i'm going to lose my cool professional exterior and go straight jerry springer. i am getting closer and closer to "i don't give a FLYING fuck" land everyday.
i need a lotto ticket.
Sep 12 2006, 05:52 AM
dear rolling stones fan club contest drawing:
bc seeing them in Chicago(!!) next month, and taking my wee girl Frecklette, the same girlchild who Turned DOWN the chance to go w/ me to see you last year in Durham, would just be the cooler-coolest- happiest event and way to bond w/ my offspring that I can imagine.
she was Raised on your music.
she knows the lyrics in her sleep. and yes- she does Regret her choice from last year, she did even right away but it was already too late and she lost out.
please please PLEASE.
you all have kids, hell some of you probably even have grandkids- have a heart and understand and PICK MEEEEEEE.
awaiting your notifying phonecall ~
Sep 12 2006, 08:08 AM
You are a stupid bitch-- I can't believe how unbearable you made living for that year that we lived together-- I don't wish anything bad upon you but you really do suck and there are so many times that I wish I had sent you a letter saying something to that effect. Get fucked.
Sep 13 2006, 12:13 AM
Dear people who live in my building,
That was a total waste of 2.5 hours and a total waste of $10,000. I know it is your "right" to sue, but did you honestly believe that you would convince all of us that you are in the right by threatening us with a lawsuit? Nobody likes a bully. It must be nice to have both the time and the money to indulge your victim tendencies. Perhaps you could channel your obviously abundant resources into something more useful, say like lobbying in support of the church around the corner that wants to open a soup kitchen. Or do you have a problem with that too?
PS Neighbour down the hall. Please do not run for council. I will not vote for you.
Sep 13 2006, 03:53 PM
Dear writers of Little Miss Sunshine, thank you for making such a kick ass movie! I really needed a good comedy yesterday.
To paraphrase crazycatlady FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
I find it petty and stupid that I have to jump over hoops to deal with this bullshit. My supervisor spied on me, and I have 5 people to prove it. Very unprofessional. And they wonder why they can't keep people! I also found it really annoying Mr. Third Boss that you would be so fucking rude this morning to not believe me. And about the lateness, I already told you about this new medication, and that it will take some time. Do you have a heart in that. I'm about to tell everyone to jump off a fucking cliff. To quote Dwayne from Little Miss Sunshine:"You do what you love, and fuck the rest..." Fuck corporate America and all the bullshit that goes along with it.
Dear graduate school, I need to apply to you. I miss academia....
McCrush, damn you kiss well. Please don't turn into an asshole. I couldn't handle that again.
Sboy, fuck off already. We all have issues. Just deal with them for fuck's sake.
Dream job, where are you already?? I need to search for you this weekend.
Sep 14 2006, 04:24 AM
Insomnia, you suck.
Sep 14 2006, 10:41 AM
god, you are such assholes, you know that? I'm sorry that my powers of extrasensory perception aren't operating at full bore this week, otherwise I would know that there was a meeting today. Unfortunately, I am not psychic. I am, however, responsible enough to email several people and call EVERYONE regarding the possibility of having said meeting, of which only ONE responded, and she didn't know either. So, faced with the possibility of three hours commuting just to see if there was a meeting, and calling up the office and asking them to tell me, I went with the latter. Silly me, expecting a college to want to be helpful to their students.
So, here's a hearty big FUCK YOU to your attitudes, and pathetic displays of power, and your insistence on kicking everyone in the face when all they want to do is learn. I am not some eighteen year old who drank too much last night and just couldn't be bothered to roll herself out of bed and schlep a couple of hundred yards over to the design building calling to get a free pass out of laziness. I live an hour away. I tried to find out using the contact sheets and email that y'all crowed about being so helpful. In fact, I was considering the time I would need to spend on school work today and wasting three hours of it would not be wise. Is it my fault that none of my classmates are responsible enough to check their email once a day? Or are just too lazy to type "Yes, we have a call" and click send? Or won't answer their phones?
Seriously. Fuck you. I don't need this. I don't need your condescension and your superiority complexes and your god-knows-what. I've done this; I've been responsible; I've handled entire shows on my own and things got done on time AND looked great. I'm sorry I'm not psychic.
I am so pissed right now. I do NOT like being disrespected and spoken to like a five year old.
Sep 14 2006, 11:41 AM
I want to wrap both arms around you and tell you it's going to be ok.
I want you here with me.
I want to be there with you.
I want to see fireworks.
hurry the fuck up. I'm dying of suspense here and it's not fucking funny any more.
the resit queen
come visit you daft bastard. I'm starting to wonder what's happened to the duo of us
Sep 14 2006, 04:31 PM
Dear Mr Advertiser Man,
Please get in touch to arrange a viewing.
SELL TO ME damn it.
The 'I want it' caller.
Sep 14 2006, 04:44 PM
are you really that determined to make things difficult for me? this is the part of life that's supposed to be relatively easy. cmon, can't you just cut me a freaking break?
Sep 14 2006, 05:06 PM
Quit fucking with me please. I've had enough. Allow me to please enjoy the weekend, and not step in someone's shit at work tomorrow. And allow me to enjoy shopping, hanging out with my gal pals, and kissing new crush boy.
Person who shit at work today, please stop. You damn animal. I had to clean up your mess.
Office, it wasn't me for Christ sake's. I know I'm a bit of an emotional wreck lately, but this job as you know sucks. Supervisor please have a heart (beginning to think you don't have one), and understand about today.
Anne Richards, Rest in Peace sassy one!
Therapist, thank you for being there. I don't pay you enough. You're a gentle soul, and I'm glad that you've come into my life.
Mandy, I love that you're my cool new roommate. And thank you for the ride home. I'm glad I didn't throw up in the car. Will be down later to pet kitty and partake in wine.
Sep 14 2006, 05:16 PM
I would not wish what happened to you on an enemy. Many, many hugs sweetie.
Dear Whoever Shit On The Floor At Sassy's Work,
PUUUUU. You are foul for not cleaning up your own shit. I understand you were sick. I understand accidents happen and that you were probably mortified at the prospect of humiliation but come the fuck on! At least alert the staff that *someone* had an accident, even if you want to deny it was you, so that some poor soul like Sassy doesn't walk in to your turd trap. Hope you sleep well tonight knowing that you left her shouldering the humiliation and blame. And don't shit the bed!
Dear Sassy's Boss,
Have some compassion and understanding for her. Think like a human being, not an unfeeling corporate whore. Thanks!
Sep 14 2006, 05:52 PM
I know that it was my grandfather's time, and I accept that, and that I had to cancel my trip and give up my baseball tickets. But did I also need to get sick this week? With a cold? And a yeastie? And get rejected from every freelance gig I applied for last month? That all had to happen this week?
Oh, and the getting sick meant I also missed the Tom Petty concert, for which I had seats in ROW A.
I mean, talk about piling on. Wouldn't just one of those things have been enough?
This next month better kick six kind of ass. Or else.
Sep 14 2006, 08:31 PM
Sidecar, that sucks about missing Tom Petty!
Yuefie, I love you. Seriously. Been watching too much Grey's Anatomy. I've been using the word "seriously" way too much.... But thank you for the kind words.
Jonathan Katz, bless you for making Dr. Katz. I forgot how damn funny this cartoon was.
I'm sad about your MS, but apparantly you have a deal with Cartoon Network now I hear. Which is rad.
McCrush, your lips on my neck would be so nice right now.... Damn.
Sep 15 2006, 03:08 PM
mr green grocer:
I fear you may have misinterpreted my friendliness and excitment over your mickey mouse ties.
you acted really skeevily creepy when you rushed over to bag my groceries for me, and even before you appeared I somehow still Knew you were in the store, watching me?
I do believe I must now find a new food lion to shop at, which pains me grieveously as that is the closest most convienent grocery to my home.
don't stalk me,
Sep 15 2006, 03:16 PM
Dear Mr. Advertiser,
um, yeah, thanks for letting me know it was off the market.
Dear Butterfly's Bateau,
WHERE ARE YOU?
Sep 16 2006, 01:15 AM
Insomia, you suck ass.
P, Okay. So I found out from G that apparantly you got all misty eyed when you saw old high school photo of me. Dude, it was over a decade ago! Although, I admit the thought (and shit I did look better back then but it was over 10 years ago), but wtf? And I saw you 5 years ago (granted this was after your bad divorce). Why haven't you contacted me, and why are you invading my dreams? And just so you know, that girl you dumped for me in high school probably has AIDS by now b/c she was a super whore. Quit invading my dreams, and if you wanna contact me, please do. At least to tell me your real thoughts. Although that meeting we had 5 years ago was weird enough. Dude, I hadn't seen you in over 10 years, and the first thing out of your mouth was : Hello, I'm divorced.
Um... me thinks you were going thru your black book, and happened upon my name. And why of all horrors would you move back to our hometown at 24? It is not a place for someone single. Futhermore, I didn't like defending my city. Atlanta was the city to be in that year. Now, it's just random metropolis. It's like that song from Company: "Another hundred people just got off of the train
And came up through the ground,
While another hundred people just got off of the bus
And are looking around.. a city of strangers....." This is what Atlanta has become.
Yet... And you've gone all Jesus freak on me. No, stratch that, reverse it. Unless you've turned into the cool Mel Brooks Monty Python loving dude (and time was not kind to you baby) that you were once back then, don't contact me. Yet, it makes me sad that you would wept over my picture. And totally boggles my mind that G told me that you still loved me.
McCrush, damn you soulnd almost too good to be true. Playing guitar and also having man crush on Alton Brown? Could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Gotta take things slow, but damn you can kiss....
Looking very forward to Sunday. And we're cooking. Which is rad.
C, I hope your teeth feel better. That blows that they had to pull 4 teeth yesterday. Dentists are evil.
Edward Norton, please marry me. For your movie was amazing. I hope you at least get an Oscar nod.
Steve Carell, you were also great in Little Miss Sunshine. You also deserve one as well.
Scissor Sisters, thank you for putting out a new album and touring. I can not wait to see your show.
Bob Dylan, you rock.
Dear boss, quit being an evil cunt. I know that your boss is on you about other things. But, some things are out of my control. And someone shitting on the floor was out of my control. I admit to forgetting to make those calls, but I'm only human. And you saw how insanely busy I was. And good grief, why can't you just say, "Um, Sassy here's some reports to pass out?" Why do you have to be all: "Come into my office..." with death tone in voice? It's a fucking tally sheet report woman!! I understand full well that you have stress above you as well,but please do not let it trickle down to us. This is why we got so pissed two weeks ago, and why the people that could this contract are holding you and the others responsible for fucking up this office. This is why corporate big whig was almost crying, because half of the office had questions about their supervisors. I was happy and proud of myself for keeping my mouth shut. Yet, I had to call you on the spying. I know you or boss # 2 did not believe me, but fuck you both. As I had 5 people that can vouch for me. Fuck, not corporate drones here. I'm about to bring in the movie Network or 9 to 5 to illustrate a point, but I fear that that may go over you head. Office Space would be a good choice as well.... Yet, you're a moron and would probably not undertand point. In a weird fucked up way, I feel sorry for you. At least J has a sense of humor about it. Hell, he's been there for 20 years, but he doesn't let the damn job take control of his life. This is evident b/c I saw him shake his groove thing at gay bar one night. This still makes me giggle, because he acts so corporate at work. It was something that we have never talked about , but it was great to see him acting like a real person. J is great, and I'll miss him if you decide to can my ass next week....Fuck government jobs to hell. And cunt, fuck you up the ass with a bad dildo. Although never trusted government (something dad taught me who worked for govt for over 30 years),, and never will.
Stephen Sonheim, thank you for making some awesome awe inspiring music like Sweeney Todd and Gypsy.
Lounge, thank you for all support this week. You have no idea how much I have needed it. ((busty love and nutella for everyone))
Sep 16 2006, 04:20 AM
I know you can't write yourself but PLEASE come together? I've neglected you, I know, but I love you to bits I really do, you interest me greatly and you have the potential to be so good for me and you're fun, kinda, when you're not so stressful.
Calm the fuck down. You're going to rock, you just have to have faith and not allow yourself to be paralysed by The Fear.
Love me as you do for all time and never leave me (heart wise, not distance wise), that is all I ask.
Your future wife x
Dear C's baby,
Try to hold off until during the week, please? I know you're due today but don't be like your mama and always on time, be like your Auntie C instead and fashionably tardy. Can't wait to meet you.
Sep 16 2006, 09:00 AM
Lyle Lovett, thank you for being such a good song writer. Yes, you have wacky hair, and I still think Julia is a beetch for leaving you. Thank you for performing that concert last month. I will always be a true fan. I just got my Live in Texas cd in the mail today, and I needed it after the week I had. Thank you much
Roommate, Could you not muster a hello? I'm sorry you're angry, but don't take it on me. I have thought about it, and living with you would so not be a good idea. Pay your rent damnit. And quit bitching.
Cramps, please stop. Like now. I really want to enjoy my weekend.
Laundry, I wish that you would magically wash yourself. Where's Mary Poppins when I need her?
Kurt Vonnegut, you kick so much ass for writing that article in Rolling Stone. You still remind me of my grandfather, which is a cool thing. I'll never forget seeing you give a reading at UGA. Bless you.
McCrush, please don't turn into an asshole. You seem almost too good to be true. And please get addicted to my kisses and Nutella, and my need to obsess over Eddie Izzard and Johnny Depp.
Sep 16 2006, 02:53 PM
sassy, I heart Kurt Vonnegut!!! He is my all time favorite author. I just finished reading Cat's Cradle for like the fifth time.
Stop growing!!! You're just right! And I don't like running. Don't force me to cut back on all the foods I love so much.
The rest of my body
Sep 17 2006, 01:11 AM
Ginger, I too just finished re-reading Cat's Cradle. And I read Breakfast of Champions every year. I don't think it's still on the newstand but the Rolling Stone article was in the last issue. It had Christia Aquellia on the cover. Also, excellent article with Bill Maher. Maybe it's online somewhere. Highly reccomended. He does excellent Bush rant.
Stomach, quit growing. Please. This is why it made (well that and water bloating!) it made finding jeans so hard yesterday.
Dear Old Navy, please quit catering to random little high school crowd girls. I am not 16 anymore. I will not buy ultra low rise thongs or jeans. Enough is enough. Please make regular clothes for regular woman who are size 12 and up, which is like half of this country right now. I know that "size 4 is the new 16" according to Devil Wears Prada, but that was a joke. Serious. Stop.
New jeans, you do make my legs look fab though. Thanks! I'm hoping boy will drool tomorrow.
Dear makers of Illusionist, holy fucking shit. Awesome movie. I'm pissed that not many people are seeing it, but I think many of the movie audiences aren't into period pieces about magic. Which is weird, b/c there was a preview for a similar movie called Prestige. Ed Norton and Giamenti need Oscars like not. Also, movie audience I was with, what the fuck? None of you were nearly as blown away as I was.
Ginger Kitty's butt, quit growing.
Fear, quit bugging Bunnyb.
I so want to quote from Fight Club now at work. That scene when Ed beats himself up to boss. And boss is all: "You're up for review." Narrator: I am Jack's complete lack of suprise. I have an odd feeling that something similar will happen next week (besides me beating myself up). That boss is so MY boss at work. Great movie.
Sep 17 2006, 07:11 AM
Bea Arthur, thank you for staring in Golden Girls. I'm ashamed to say that I'll probably end up with your wit later on in life. And thank you Susan Harris for making such a great show.
Cramps, stop now.
Sep 17 2006, 07:21 AM
QUOTE(sassygrrl @ Sep 17 2006, 01:28 PM)
Cramps, stop now.
period cramps, or the band?
Sep 17 2006, 09:39 AM
Heh. Period cramps. The band kicks ass.
Sep 17 2006, 12:33 PM
dear self: post in the correct thread
Sep 17 2006, 01:40 PM
Thanks for calling when it wasn't my birthday. I needed to choke on my soda when I saw your name on the caller ID. Thanks for ragging on Mom, who, even though she can be a real idiot and wasn't the best mother, at least she was fucking there. Thanks for reminding me why I never bother calling you.
Sep 17 2006, 09:24 PM
I'm sorry that I can't be what you want me to be. I'm sorry that I can't shut off my intelligence, capabilities, experience, and determination. I'm sorry that if I can't shut those things off I can't at least have a penis. I'm sorry I'm upsetting you because I'm not getting your approval before doing things. I'm sorry I'm encouraging my mother to be independent. I'm sorry I'm telling her that it's ok to do what needs to be done without stopping for your ok first. I'm sorry that you feel I don't respect you because I call you on it when you act like an asshole.
Actually, I'm not really sorry for any of that. I'm just sorry that you can't accept what a beautiful, intelligent, capable granddaughter you have and be glad that your daughter is in such capable hands as you enter the final years of your life. I'm sorry you won't be dying tonight, or the day after, or nearly soon enough for my own peace of mind. I'm sorry that your own insecurities and neediness make you have to try to convince my mother that I'm controlling her and ruling her life. And I'm sorry that my utter dislike of you upsets my mother. If she must continue loving you and caring what you think, then God willing, along with the independence I'm teaching her, she'll hopefully pick up a thicker skin as well.
Your oldest granddaughter
P.S. - I won't be bringing my son to see you anymore. I've decided that him getting to know his great-grandfather is not nearly worth the grief of having to see you myself. Piss off, you old fuck.
Sep 18 2006, 01:05 AM
QUOTE(crazyoldcatlady @ Sep 17 2006, 06:50 PM)
dear self: post in the correct thread
Dear Thread Police,
Please take it easy.
Please continue being a kickass band!
thanks for aswering!
Sep 18 2006, 09:20 AM
Dear hotel guy:
Please call me and/or just go ahead and return my money; $300 may not be a lot to you or to your company, but it's a hell of a lot to me.
Dear T & H:
I don't know how the pissiness level is running between you these days, but I would be eternally grateful if you would try to coordinate your respective new bands' first shows on the same weekend. It would be nice to only have to drive to the east coast once, as otherwise I might be forced to choose.
Sep 18 2006, 07:16 PM
Cramps, keep being a kick ass band!
Period cramps, you suck.... I'm so sick of you already. Where's the blood already?
McCrush, hot damn! Making me dinner and 3 hour makeout session in one night? And your love for Eddie Izzard and Bill Maher. Wow. And the fact that you just seem amazed at me. Please don't turn into asshole.
Supervisor, quit being such an evil cunt.
please just chill the fuck out. You will still be able to keep your job, and continue to look for an apartment and new job. Also, try to take new crush with McCrush slowly if possible.... Also, still keep Portland on horizion.
Libidio, horny much??
Mel, you're my sister. But, I really still don't understand why you still hate me. I didn't do a damn thing to you. You married evil fucktard, and I didn't say a damn thing. It just upsets me that you have become a stepford wive. However, its your life. And if you don't want a sister, that's fine with me. I have my friends, and I consider them siblings.
KelKello's Dad, why are you an ass? So. Not. Cool.
Sep 18 2006, 09:11 PM
I know you wear that stiff suit, because it's supposed to give you an air of authority, but you are still just a fucking shoe shine boy as far as I'm concerned.
Not everybody, who speaks a little awkward, instead of mastering the polished-yuppie-middle-class-pretentious-twat-lingo is an idiot.
Not everybody who has a bit of a disability can be easily spotted by their wheelchair or guide dog.
As long as you don't know a thing about peoples condition, you might wanna refrain from talking down to those who are just a little odd.
Sep 19 2006, 04:49 AM
Dear vanity gods,
Is this your idea? It's a lovely sunny day, I head out in my new skirt and nifty shoes thinking for once I don't look like a scruff, then you punish me by making me literally fall on my face? Fuck you.
Dear bitch who walked on by when I fell,
Hope this happens to you.
Dear people I passed on the street,
No, I wasn't beaten up, although I could see how you'd think that as I was sporting what looked like a purple golf ball on the side of my tear stained face.
Please heal soon, or at least stop swelling so I can go out in public again.
Dear powers that be,
I understand this is nothing in the bigger scheme of things, especially when that bigger scheme seems to currently include people shooting up schools and closer to home, burning children alive, utterly pointless suicide and horrifying types of breast cancer, but you know, what the fuck are you doing? I'm hiding at home, is this what you want from everybody?
What the fuck?
I'm actually glad you can't see me now. You don't need any further upset.
Sep 19 2006, 05:26 AM
thank-you for phoning me after my doctor's visit. you amaze me more and more each day, the effort you're making already touches me and I know we'll survive this and grow stronger in our relationship. I really appreciate it, carebear.
Sep 19 2006, 08:20 AM
oh, god, the same thing happened to me.
I had new shoes on that for some reason went UP at the toe -- they were kind of platform maryjanes -- and I stepped off a larger than usual curb, ended up moving with some momentum towards the middle of the street where it humps up, and kind of rolling onto my toes (I think) and suddenly I see the concrete moving towards my face at a speed too fast to duck or put out an arm.
Luckily, a fireman picked me up before I got run over -- I was stunned and blood was pouring down. I took myself to the emergency room and it turned out I had a broken nose -- first broken bone ever! as an adult! on my face! Isn't that fabulous!
And for weeks afterward, I had to go to cleaners, dentist appointments, etc, with purple bruises under my eyes and watch them calculate whether I was an abused wife and they should call the authorities.
Ha! I wish I'd had sense of humor enough to take pictures.
Heal soon. It will actually disappear in about a week. Still, bummer of a thing to happen.
Sep 19 2006, 08:44 AM
dear dr tough love,
just want you to know that since you refused to give me a prescription for xanax, i've had to deal with:
1. planning and throwing a surprise 70th party for my mom pretty much by myself.
2. trying to cope with my kid's mystery pukey illness, and trying to wade thru a lovely steaming pile of non-caring medical beaucracy in order to finally get him in to see two docs i HOPE will help.
3. going to see one new doctor today.
4. steeling myself for the worst. because that's what i do best.
5. wading thru his new school's beaucracy.
6. suffering thru a horrible family tragedy, trying to keep the brave face on for everyone else.
7. having to get thru a beyond-sad wake and funeral this week, and getting my 14 yr old thru as well.
8. trying to second-guess my latest peri-menopause symptoms.
9. feeling very much alone in all of this.
all i wanted was a prescription for .5 mg of xanax. i didn't need a lecture on how scary addictive they are. i've been taking them for two+ years. i have an addictive personality. alcoholism runs in my family. if i was going to become addicted, i'd already BE addicted, believe me. i don't want to take anti-depressants. i'm not depressed. i get anxious once in a while. i don't even take them during the day. i sometimes need one or even just a half a pill to get me to sleep.
you told me i had to find healthier ways to cope. and then you refused to refer me to a psychiatrist or a therapist, based on some lame insurance excuse. all you did was yell at me for putting off my colonscopy and mammogram. and for social smoking and drinking. all the while typing into your computer, barely even looking at me. when you did look at me, you looked at my like i had two heads.
the one time i come clean with a doctor, the one time i ask for help, the one time i tell at least 75% of the truth .... and you basically tell me to go for "long walks". i guess you don't read all those medication ads, where they say "first, talk to your doctor". what a fucking cruel joke.
i can't send this letter to you. i have to wait until i can make sure my insurance will pay for another annual check-up, and then i'll have to take my chances with yet another internist. in the meantime, i'm going to try to discuss at least some of this with my warm and fuzzy gyno in two weeks. maybe she'll holler at me too. but at least i know she'll take 10 minutes to listen. or, i dunno. maybe not. maybe the insurance companies have turned her into a non-caring robot by now too.
i've taken at least half a little blue pill every day since i saw you. because if there was ever a need, it's been this week. thinking of YOU each time. thanks for contributing to my anxiety. you fucking condescending superior callous heartless prick you.
fuck you very much,
Sep 19 2006, 08:49 AM
(((mando))) hunny , I feel for you, I really do, and can understand where you're coming from -on the doctor front.
Sep 19 2006, 10:19 AM
Thanks bunny and wombat. I'm just feeling a little flayed, hence the vitirol below I suppose.
It is really disturbing how people look at you when you're a woman with a bruised face. On one hand, concern is reassuring if misguided in my case... at least people are aware. But it's odd; I walk with my head down because I'm embarrassed, and then people look at you with curiosity as well as concern. It makes me feel (even more)for women who are abused... it must all tie in, the fear of being in public in addition to everything else.
/derailment. I truly don't mean to offend; I just feel I got a glimpse of something and it's horrifying.
(((mando))) I PM'd you.
Sep 19 2006, 11:17 AM
i am not sure i want to continue. feeling sad feels redundant, it's just tiring at this point. you gotta be careful of turning into what you hate--the L.A. croissant, rich and flaky. i don't wanna be your emotional standby the way i was your sexual standby...at least with the sex, i was getting something out of it too. it's really not that pleasurable to "be there" for you when it means listening to you complain for half an hour about a job where you make twice as much money as i do. please pull yourself together and show that you actually wanna be my friend, not just that you'd feel guilty if you weren't my friend.
Sep 19 2006, 02:29 PM
I hate feeling rejected, and I can tell you don't like me anymore. Whenever I see you on my IM list, you make an excuse not to talk to me, saying how busy you are. But I'm starting to suspect you don't like me. You already told me not to tell you all my problems and whine, so I've stopped doing that. I keep busy in my life and have achieved a lot so far (work and travel and becoming more of a grown woman), but I can tell you don't want me to talk to you anymore. I told you something personal and sexual about myself that I wanted to share with you and you didn't want to hear it. I can understand, but I still felt lonely since you're the only female friend I can trust. I guess our friendship is over, and you're phasing me out. It really sucks, but I get the hint.
Now I have to find a new friend who I can meet but not complain with. It sucks when I can't have a trustworthy friend who is around when I'm feeling depressed and sad, but only for the happy fun times.
Guy on the Street,
Why did you whistle at me leeringly? I'm not that hot, I'm pretty ordinary-looking.
I'm scared that you're gonna die out because of our pollution. No matter what I do to recycle or reduce energy, it isn't going to save the world. I can only imagine what the apocalyptic ice age or heat wave will be like, and when I'll want to kill myself but fear going to hell for it.
Sep 19 2006, 03:37 PM
((((((((((mando sweetie)))))))) you know I'm always here.
((((syb)))))) ditto to wombat on the 'been there/done that.'
slow-mo fall out of the grocery store, in my brand-spankin'-new candies.- feeling my right foot loose traction w/ earth, trying desperately & in vain to use the cart handle to steady myself ( in which case the wheels are a real hinderance) and instead went d o w n first on my offending right knee, then on my drug behind left.
shoe went flying, knee cap torn & bloodied, dignity damaged almost beyond salvage;
while probably 15 different people stopped and gawked but didn't offer assistance.
swift healing sweetie.
check in please?
I am feeling much guilt now over my rageful thoughts of sending you a scathing email response to your newsletter where you talk so sacarinely Righteously of the One True Path to God bc I just felt it was all sooooo bogus, and now here you are in a country w/ a scary Coup going on.
I might not agree w/ the politics of your religion, but I still want you to be ok.
email me asap.
please call me.
I feel like maybe it was overkill when I called to let the young woman know I had mailed the application out on friday, but I wanted her to know I was sincere and not just farting around.
this really means a Lot to me.
more maybe than I should even let myself think about and I will probably take it sooo personally if you Don't call.
take a chance on me,
I know I was a bitch last night, and I was starting to feel sorta bad about it, til I discovered you ate all my car tictacs.
I was in such a bad mood bc this is how the damn iud makes me feel w/ my .'s now.
it makes EVERYTHING about it worse.
does it feel good to be so sure of your refusal to get snipped NOW?
just sign me,
Sep 20 2006, 12:41 AM
(((((((((those who, like me, use this as their safe, venting space late at night - or whenever))))))))
you seem pretty fucking cool. all the little jokes and glances and make-me-blush comments. i'm going to be straightforward with you, and i hope that doesn't freak you out. but i like you and games are for kids, so i won't ever wait 3 days to reply to your mails or pretend to be busy or wait to sleep with you because that's what i'm supposed to do. i hope you'll afford me the same.
ok, try to be a little cool. yep, you were hurt and you need some positivity and some alpha-ness, but you know what could be lurking. so don't put all your eggs anywhere near his basket. but it's still ok to be excited and a little giddy. allow yourself that.
dear Oscar Wilde,
you are super cool. that is all
Sep 20 2006, 07:49 AM
I can't even find words to tell you how sorry I am. Life is so unbearably cruel sometimes. I wish I could help you; I know how sensitive you are and how much this must be hurting you. I know that your parents are probably completely unable to help and everything is falling on you. I'm sorry that you had to decide whether to bury or cremate your little brother, and where to bury him, and who should carry the coffin...
I'm sorry that every time his girlfriend wakes up, she has to be told again and again that her boyfriend is dead, and not to try to move, because her back is broken.
It's just so utterly awful.
don't you think people should have to retake a driving test as their years start to decline? maybe 80 year old eyesight isn't as good as 20 year old eyesight? Maybe? It's not discrimination; it's making damn sure that everyone who is allowed to drive a huge fucking car is capable of handling that car and doesn't turn it into a fucking steel death trap.
Sep 20 2006, 11:27 AM
Sep 21 2006, 02:41 AM
I am so worried about you. Why do you act as if you don't need anyone, and don't want to make any new friends yet you are feeling the need to invent new personnas for those other so-called friends of yours? Pretending to be someone or something you aren't is not the markings of healthy friendships. They should love you for the wonderful person you are. I am so deeply saddened that your self esteem is so low. I wish could do something to help that. I know that these are the growing pains of life, but I really thought we had all instilled much better in you. Honey, please remember that if you are lying to people, you are not being a very good friend to anyone. Least of all yourself. I know you are hurt by all the loss you've experienced and don't want to be disappointed by someone else leaving, but if you do not open yourself up you will never have real friendships. You are much too young to be so shut down and closed off to love. I just want to hug and kiss you and make it all better like I used to. I love you more than the moon and stars baby.