Sep 21 2006, 02:53 AM
you know what I meant to say was: "I think you are fantastic too". But I didn't. And now I'm kicking myself and wondering if I can say it now.
Sep 21 2006, 01:53 PM
frecklette's best friend's father:
this is Not Over.
you are NEGLECTING YOUR CHILD RIGHT NOW and I am, in all seriousness, contemplating calling children's services.
what the Fuck do you think is Right about leaving her home alone til 11:00pm and later?
she is 12 years old you stupid fuck and it wouldn't take a genius to watch the house a few days and observe how often she is there alone, as opposed to when she is there With You & your very obvious Red Truck.
tell me you are that stupid rather than so uncaring?
I know I know, you're getting a piece of ass right now, and Her Kids "need you."
well what the fuck do you think your Own kid feels right now?
she has told me no less than let me see now.. I don't know, maybe 6 times in the last week (pretty much every time she's in my car) that she likes Her but doesn't like Them (who out number her 4-1). but I'm sure That doesn't matter to you right now, bc soon enough you'll all be one happy Freakin' family as soon as your most recent divorce is final.
you know I used to think you were a nice guy.
in fact, I don't at all doubt that you love your daughter even, but seriously, dude, let me have her.
just for right now. give you some time to get your shit together without any worries, and by all means you could see her whenever you wanted but let me/us give her some stability.
for all that I've been picking her up from her after school programs and she's been over here and Stayed Over Here the last few weeks, it would be a lot easier on me if she were just here full time rather than this pansy fake tap dance of niceness.
the hostility I get from you, every. time. we. talk. , is making it harder and harder for me to keep my mouth shut. are you acting that way bc you know you are WRONG? that would give me the flicker of hope that you do still have a clue.
I'm not trying to judge you. I've only been a "single parent" in terms of all the days and months and years my mr has been absent due the nature of deployments and what all w/in his army career; I'm sure it really is hard to balance a full time job and social life,, And child.
I'm going to talk to the mr this weekend, and see if he doesn't agree w/ me asking you about us keeping her for awhile. as much as you seem to really resent my help, you also always seem to accept it.
__ needs a safe, stable place to be right now. we can give her that if you'll let us, even if for just a little while. she's your daughter; love her enough to step away from yourself and really remember that please?
fired up but keeping it under wraps still,
your daughter's bff's mom
Sep 21 2006, 02:17 PM
(((((((Freckle))))))) I'm glad that girl has someone like you.
Sep 21 2006, 02:40 PM
((Freckle)) I think you're doing the right thing, and your daughter and her friend are lucky to have you.
Sep 21 2006, 05:01 PM
I ended up picking the girl up from her after school program again this afternoon (3rd day this week) bc she & her dad got their wires crossed & she knew to call me.
her dad now wants to give me money for gas, but that's the least of it.
I fed her dinner and we had a long talk & she said she wishes she could just stay w/ us, bc she feels safe & at home here, but we both agree that her dad probably Wouldn't go for it, bc it turns out he's been upset w/ her for talking to me as much as she has already.
the whole problem w/ That is, he's not accesible to her at All these last months now, for her to talk -to-Him.
they used to be really super close, going a lot of places & just hanging out the 2 of them, which I always thought was so wonderful; but now, when they go, at the least they ususally have 1 if not all of the gf's kids w/ them, which totally ruins it completely. and when they go to the gf's house (which they do 6- 7 days/night a week no kidding) he & the girlfriend lock themselves in her room w/ orders not to be disturbed.
I wonder why that would be?
just bc she is with him there doesn't mean she is o k.
so the bottom line is, for now I'm going to remain out of it and she needs to find a way to get his attention
so they can Talk. she has already told him many of the things she's been feeling ( 1 of the gf's 7 yr old twin boys is acting really sexual to her, and neither her dad nor the kids mom thinks it's a big deal sinse they haven't actually Seen It With Their Own Eyes yet) and he hasn't heard her. I told her that as much as I know he loves her, even grownup's make mistakes sometimes bc there's no manual on how to get it right every time and she needs to keep trying.
this makes me CRAZI.
but, I KNow that if I intervene, at least right at this moment, it would make everything worse, and her ( & our) biggest fear is him not allowing her to come over at all, so I really have no choice but to sit on my hands and keep quiet.
.. I'm a feisty Irish redhead, this is not so easy a thing to do so much for me, but gosh & heck !
thanks for the support & encouragement ~
Sep 21 2006, 08:58 PM
Dear puffy man,
F-you for getting all puffed up at my presentation and telling me that my work is meaningless. It's assholes like you that keep me from doing my PhD. You suck the life out of people.
Why did you leave me? Why did you let me buckle and agree with puffyman? You are so quick to stand up for yourself in other situations? Why do you let people like this get to you? Please come back. I need you.
With tenderness (as suggested by his holiness himself),
Sep 22 2006, 06:21 AM
I know you're thinking about it now, and I know that you witnessing me packing her a breakfast to bring to her in the car for the ride to school registered too.
I won't ask you to give up your office space if it really means that much to you, but yes, we Would have to make some adjustments bc you know how totally antisocial frecklette can be and above all she is our bio daughter first.
not going to bring it up specifically for awhile (which could only mean in the span of you being at work today mind you.. dependent upon if anything else comes up w/ her before you are home) and just let you ruminate on it. if I were to aproach him with this, we need to be fully & totally united.
I love you for getting how important this is.
no food in the house, not even milk, for breakfast.
I am starting to wonder if maybe she isn't as thin as she is bc there isn't much food in there ever anymore?
I have your work # on my caller id and am thinking of using it today as you came home, again, too late last night for her to talk to you, but this has Got To Stop.
disgusted bff's mom
I am fighting for you.
you know this yes? yes.
I am also though, afraid to get much closer to you least your dad jerk you away, which I feel may be imminent with the way things are. my mouth is going to get me in trouble but I'm trying to not let that happen. damn being a grownup enough to realise that giving you what you need is more important than protecting my own heart, altho, it might be protecting yours as well.
you have a home here and whatever, whenever way you are able to be with us, you are welcome.
Sep 22 2006, 07:28 AM
Oh, never mind.
Sep 22 2006, 03:19 PM
Dear ultralow freezer,
Please let that leak I fixed today be the only one. Please let the vaccum pump not change tone on Monday when I close the valves. Please let me take you back to Bambi and say I fixed you, all on my own.
You guys are special, not like household freezers. Please go back down to -80 degrees when I fix you. Cause you're the first ultralow freezer I'm fixing all by myself, without a backup.
Dear freezer gods,
What can I sacrifice? Ben and Jerry's??
Sep 23 2006, 08:01 AM
I didn't call and ask for her to stay last night bc I Wanted her -AGAIN-, I called bc again, at almost 9:00PM your sweet little girl was home, and had Been Home, Alone, in an empty house w/ NO FOOD, sinse she got home from school.
maud but you're a stupid Fuck!
and I'm going to say that over & over again here bc it saves both of us from me saying it to your face right now so Fuck Fuck Fuck FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
and as soon as she got here last night (thankyou mr for going to get her so I didn't have to miss the rest of the show I was watching) of course she was Hungry, so fed her good healthy leftovers and the poor kid was starved for adult time.
and for you to act like You Were Doing US a FAVOR?!?!
YOU REALLY ARE A STUPID FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and then this morning, she was all upset bc she called you late, and was scared that when I dropped her off 30 minutes late you'd be so mad at her that your gf woudn't still take her shopping for clothes; while I am coaching her in the car to carefully ask & persuade you to take her grocery shopping for at least nothing else but the stuff for the dinner she wants to make the 2 of you for your anniversary, and to then slip in a few regular grocery items like milk & bread & cereal at the same time too.
- how many things seem off about this to you?
that I would have to feel like I'm walking a tightrope of perfection here, feeling really super bad for getting her home late today (while your fatass truck AND your gf's car both sat in your driveway) ever fearful of getting you mad enough to not let her come back.
so starting to hate your fucking guts you undeserving fuckhead..
woman who wants your kid
Sep 23 2006, 08:12 AM
Roommates, all I wanted to do was one fucking load of laundry! Why did the washer have to break, and you bitch at me for using your detergent. And you wonder why I want to move out??
Boy, please don't break my heart. I can't take it.
Boobs, please look great tonight.
Sep 25 2006, 09:00 AM
Freckle, dayum baby...I admire the hell out of you. You are doing the right thing--thank you for advocating for this little girl. Trust your instincts. (((Freckles)))
WARNING: BIG VENOMOUS RANT APPROACHETH!
Hey! Fuck you!
There's nothing that I like to see more than an ad on a personal's site with you soliciting to get laid.
You know, especially since you haven't had the balls to break up with me.
One year, and this is the respect you give me...after all the bullshit.
You are truly a selfish, completely self-absorbed, crap weasel. Get some fucking help.
Oh, and the shit that you said on DU about wanting a longterm relationship and never being able to find the right one and you being addicted to the "getting to know you stage"...you don't give a SHIT about getting to know anyone. You want someone to pry the lid off your head--the only reason you knew anything about me was because I told you. YOU NEVER ASKED. YOU DON'T CARE. IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU. Fucking kindergartener...even my daughter has the maturity to ask me how my day at school was. You don't give a shit.
And nope. You are never going to be happy, because you are a miserable, personality disordered fuckchop. You RELISH your dysfunction. You want someone else to blame, and nobody will ever get close to you because YOU DON'T LET THEM. So, FUCK YOU.
It makes my heart sick what you do to people...what I allowed you to do. I feel sorry for your next victim. I only hope that she has the foresight and good boundaries to smell that fire burning (the one I did the first time I talked to you and thought to myself, "Dayum, he talks way too fucking much...how annoying") and run away.
No, you don't have an aesthetic, you are an ASSHOLE. There are eccentrics out there, and you are not one of them.
Remember when you told me about how nobody ever responds to your posts on DU? It's because you're an ASSHOLE. And now you're on there posting about RELATIONSHIP ADVICE?!! FUCK YOU! "Buy a new nightie and some perfume"??!! Fucking, excuse me?! Uh, no. That's where you always fuck up, P. It's always someone else's responsibility...that asshole should be getting away from the computer and look at his girlfriend and make love to her. But you would understand that, now wouldn't you? Like when I showed up at your house with a bottle of wine for our anniversary because YOU FORGOT and BLEW ME OFF..and then continued to sit on your fucking couch watching Johnny Dangerously while I sat there waiting for you to talk to me. You don't know how to function in a healthy relationship. Move away from Minnesota. Go to fucking Malaysia...then you can beat your wife...you know, like when you told me several times that you wanted to hit Kate.
It's kind of like when you blamed your first ex-wife for your D.W.I. As if she was the one that got you drunk and high and placed you in the car and said drive. SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE.
Or when you blamed your second wife's family for all of your relationship problems.
Or when you said that your two marriages would have worked out if they "just would've done what" you told them to do. I thought that you were fucking joking. Nope. You were dead serious.
Or how you lament that you're not relationship material.
No, you're not. You are an emotionally stunted toddler. You've been trolling for other relationships ever since I met you with rare exception...I bookmarked your profile. I know how often you checked it. After I saw the other ones yesterday, I knew that it was time to run quickly. That you were already done and had obviously dissolved into a sputtering pile of dogshit.
Oh, and one last thing: I'm glad you can't sleep at night. Maybe exhaustion will keep you away from other human beings and spare them from being shat upon by you. You neglect people. You take them for granted. You use them. You are nice to them when it is convenient to you.
BTW, I want my fucking Real Genius video back. And it would be nice if you would actually send Minxlette those old school Disney movies that you bought FOR HER that are sitting on YOUR SHELVES. She's a kid. What the fuck's your excuse?
Seriously. Get some fucking help. It will take years, but you might stop doing this to other people.
And don't even THINK about calling up Kate. She doesn't deserve one more round of your bullshit. She paid dearly already.
All right, I promised myself that I would write this one last letter and be done with it and move on with my life and the lessons I garnered. I wanted to believe that you cared about me, and you didn't. I can manage those feelings. The rejection, the betrayal, all of your fucking lies...but you won't ever do that again where I am concerned. My friends want to beat you with metal poles. I want you excised from my heart because it hurts. No one with a healthy mind does this to people who treat them respectfully. You aren't well, P.R.R.T.
Not by a fucking longshot.
Not yours (like you give a shit),
P.S. I had a really nice organic date on Friday and he talked to me like he wanted to know me, not ball my socks off. I wish you could've pulled it together, P, but I have to salvage my pride and move on.
Love does not conquer all...it just creates a whirling dervish and since the dust has settled, I can see that it wasn't love.
It was just fucking pathetic.
Sep 25 2006, 12:25 PM
(((((((((minx))))))))))))) what a shitter.
I'm so sorry your heart hurts sweetie, you deserve so- much- better.
I did not call you today.
when your girl needed breakfast again ( yes I am keeping track on my calendar) I told the fam that that was it. when I discovered that you hadn't gone grocery shopping again either, I told Her That Was It.
I'm not calling you.
at least not yet/right now.
I'm not sure what words to use that won't betray me into screaming obsceneties at you..
getting some information ( NOT reporting you) from DSS is going to hopefully help me know a better, more effective course of action so that when I do speak to you, I can leave you no room to negotiate.
I don't want custody of your child, I have my own. but, if things don't improve, rather than her at the mercy of foster care, yes, I believe I/We would offer.
why do you have to be such a puddlewhack in the first place?
I feel by not calling today, I am weaseling out.
Sep 25 2006, 02:22 PM
I know you probably get a dozen calls like mine a week, but could you possibly have been a little more empathetic? you really told me a whole lot of nothing, beyond that the police can do a Well-Being Check- and that Is something, something I will most def use, bc it takes the onus off me and onto them if they see something amiss. and really, I know there are other neighbors who know the situation and probably have similar feelings so maybe just maybe he Wouldn't automatically know it was me calling.
I guess I just wanted you to hear the small snippets of the situation I told you, and have you get mad and angry like we are, so you'd then say "you should report that Right Now!" but you didn't, just kept saying " ma'am, you can either make a report or not." yah, I'm sure you're following the law, I get that, but I'm scared of making the wrong decision bc if it all blows up, it's a little girl's life and I'm not sure I can be there (in the social-services/foster care meaning) to pick up the pieces.
tomorrow I will make an appt to see the same social worker at freck's school that was so kind as to advise me when I was helping the neighbor w/ the abusive husband.
thanks for calling me back so quickly.
trying to get it right,
please be ok.
I love you,
Sep 25 2006, 10:23 PM
Freckle, you have ovaries of steel babe. I so admire you! ((freckle))
Crazy bitchy landlady, it was a key. I know I lost key. However, this is my roommate's key, and I probably need a duplicate. And that is my fault. But, Seriously though. WTF?? I'm sorry you hurt her finger, but I loaned you a clean towel. I'm so sick of your crazy lady bullshit. I'm paying your rent this week, and I am SO searching for NEW place. I deal with enough bullshit in my life, to get with your control issues!! And, it was just detergent bitch!!
Boy, I'm tired. And I really miss you. But if you break my heart, not only will my friends and family kick your ass, but you will also be kicked on by my BUSTie friends. Please don't just think of me as a fuck buddy, for that is not what I want right now. But, I can't be your "girlfriend" right now. And the X Factor is NOT COOL. You need to grow a pair of balls, and kick her shit to the curb.
Mind, please shut the fuck off already
Apartment gods, please help me!!
Sep 25 2006, 11:00 PM
Your karma account is on the brink of exploding, and that means you'll probably be reborn as queen of everything.
I wish I had known someone like you, when I was a kid. My teacher once gave me money, because I didn't get anything to eat at home. For some reason, she did not call the authorities.
What you're doing is so awesome and I bow down to your courage.
Sep 26 2006, 10:15 AM
pherber & sassy & letter busties
I think I'm doing this bc when I was a kid, pretty much the around the same age, my brother was beating the snot out of me as his manic depression & mental illness really morphed into being. I remember trying to talk to my parents about him, but them being very dismissive bc it was a long time yet before he turned on Them and they saw what I was talking about, so I remember reaching out to an older teenage girl/young woman at our church ( I was raised really baptisty churchy in the late 70's/80's) & my parents getting really upset bc they thought I was making it up and embarrassing them. they cut me off from her and I had no one.
I don't want her to live like that.
she's talking and I was put here to hear her.
that 1 of the gf/s sons has acted sexually towards her, and that both her dad And the gf would be dismissive of it just freaks me out to my core.
when women and girls tell us this sort of thing, it isn't easy. we need to Hear Them, and let them trust that we will do something. this girl keeps justifying her dad's actions and making excuses, and I just keep telling her " honey, you're a kid; your job is to tell your dad what you need or what your problems are, and His Job is to make it happen and fix it. that's all." kids should never think they "owe" an adult anything in exchange for kindness. people need to feel safe in their environments, esp at home. it doesn't take much money to raise a child, but it does take Love. love will ususally steer you in the right general direction.
I am honestly wishing that the dad will break up w/ the gf bc I think he'd come back to his senses, but til when , he meets the next woman and she looses out again?
it was breakfast brought in the car again this morning, but the gf is supposed to pick her up after school & take her back home w/ her & the kids. I don't like it, but need to work w/in the confines rather than against it, you know?
calling the school social worker after lunch yet,
and thankyou Everyone, for supporting me in this.
we any of us, could so easily be in her shoes.
Sep 26 2006, 10:33 AM
((((((((Freckle)))))))) I'm glad you're working for this girl. I know it must be terribly hard for her because she obviously loves her dad very much. That just makes the story all the more heart-breaking. I hope you don't mind my asking, but where is the girl's mother?
Sep 26 2006, 10:42 AM
Sep 26 2006, 01:59 PM
QUOTE(roseviolet @ Sep 26 2006, 12:50 PM)
((((((((Freckle)))))))) I'm glad you're working for this girl. I know it must be terribly hard for her because she obviously loves her dad very much. That just makes the story all the more heart-breaking. I hope you don't mind my asking, but where is the girl's mother?
I'm not sure I have or understand all the details of her history, but from what she's told me, her bio mom
( was married briefly, like 3 yrs or so to her dad?) was a black out abusive drunk & would lock her out of the house all day when she was 5, and not even allow her to come in to use the bathroom. she's also told me of episodes where her mom would physically sit on her chest to pin her down and hit her.
I know the mom has done jail time fairly recently, and was released some time last year I believe, for drugs or what I'm not sure. she is now allowed visitation, but limited and supervised I think. from when she last saw her mom a few months ago, it had been some time sinse the last visit, based on comments the girl told me she said. she will talk about her sporadically,and is very emotional and fragile when she does, so while I'd like to know more, I don't pry.
.. if I'm piecing it all together right (which I freely admit I might not be).. the bio mom had custody until 2 or 3 years ago, and I'm not sure how much involvement the dad had up to that point, so maybe he's still learning this parenting thing... maybe he jumped into a marriage w/ wife #2 bc he thought she'd be good w/ the daughter but she wasn't and it was a mistake.. maybe he's totally innocently Clueless in all this and I am the irrational one. the more I look and think about it, the less sure I am sometimes.
called the school social worker I know ( who I totally love bc she's so GOOD), and told her the whole kit & kaboodle & she told me to go ahead and call dss. so I did.
I called and made a report, albit anonymous, even though I know he will know it was me that called and is probably going to be very ANGRY ( to which I am not going to answer the door if he shows up here, which I think he probably will..).
I feel kinda sick now.
I mean, there's no point in second guessing myself and no un-doing this now either, but part of me is in utter desolate panic thinking [i]what have I done?
the case worker was less than cool, like I felt like what I was saying so heartfelt, but what she was Hearing was " wa wa-wawawa" you know? like everything I told her was questioned and made less so, and even though when she asked me what was My best case resolution of the situation ( to which I replied ' aside from the dad buying groceries? maybe some Parenting Classes' I don't know, isn't that YOUR job to know what is best? doh!) I still felt like she was kind of blowing it off bc I couldn't give her hard dates or rock solid examples of what I meant by "dirty" as to the known condition of their house.
several times I made it very clear that I was not after getting the girl removed from the house or from him, that there was NO evidence of any sort of abuse or anything, and that before he started dating again, he & she had a *Beautiful* relationship, and all I wanted now was for him to do right by her again; like he needs a good wake up call to remember his responsibilities towards his kid. I still hung up feeling like I was making a mountain out of a molehill & wasting their time.
the school social worker is going to work on things from her end, talking to teachers, seeing if the girl talked to any of them or maybe wrote about her homelife in papers or anything, and said we'd talk again & compare notes in a few days. she also told me not to tell frecklette or her friend that I reported it, so they have no knowledge of it if asked.
probably I did the right thing, or even if not, the dye is still cast.
my heart feels a little sick either way.
going to hug my kid & maybe cry some, this is such heavy shit.
Sep 26 2006, 03:19 PM
I know we've only exchanged sea monkey information, and that it's been more than a little trivial ,but I've been thinking about what you've been posting for a while.
My dad was physically and emotionally abusive to me and my mom. He was also, secretly, sexually abusive to me.
We were absolutely terrified of him. We covered for his behaviour, and, to a certain extent, even though he's been dead for 15years, I still do.
I wish that someone had done for me, what you are doing for your daughter's friend. Not because I think they would have rescued me, or told my mom, or made it better. I'm not sure they could have.
But now, all these years later, I would know that someone thought I was worth trying for, and that they didn't all turn away and pretend that they didn't see what was happening.
My dad would have gone apeshit, and I think that's what you're afraid of. I would be too.
I was going to suggest that you pass it on to the school, or someone more protected and 'faceless', but I see that you have. I think that's the right thing to do.
In case he does stop your contact with her, make sure that she has your telephone number, and that she knows that, no matter what, she can call her teacher, social worker, or you. Tell her that she's beautiful, and special. (I'm sure you have)
And for what it's worth, I'd like you to know that I feel a gratitude to you that I'm not sure I can explain
Sep 26 2006, 03:54 PM
(((freckle))) I soooooooo admire what you're doing. It's unbelievable.
Sep 26 2006, 04:10 PM
My energies are required elsewhere. Stop your shit, I don't deserve it. I shouldn't have ever given you the impression I would put up with it.
(((Freckle))) Being brave is scary. I think you did the right thing.
Sep 26 2006, 04:23 PM
you are doing the right thing.
you're my hero.
i want to be like you when i grow up.
except i know i'd never have the ovaries.
always here for you, darlin.
quit with the irrational fears. they're just band parents. they're not cult members. they are not going to make you do anything you don't want to do. you're just helping for one frigging day, stop pissing and moaning about it. they're not taking over your life. (even tho it sure as hell seems that way.) try to remember, they have to be pushy because 75% of the other parents could give two shits. they're just going to ask for what you can do. saying no doesn't make you evil.
and for goddsakes, wear your damn black & pink converse sneakers to the meeting. let them roll their eyes and snicker. let them know up front who they're dealing with: an oddball misfit who has a good heart and at least cares.
Sep 26 2006, 04:38 PM
((freckle)) You go girl! No matter what happens, you will be this girl's hero; you're already one of mine!!
((mando)) Don't let them push you around! We love your oddball-misfitness!
Sep 26 2006, 04:57 PM
my dearest mandi,
do wear those sneakers, with your head help up high, not giving two shits what they are thinking.
having had an abusive step-father who was only stopped when my caring neighbors finally intervened, I could not agree more with what everyone else is saying. you are a wonderful, sweet soul to care as deeply as you do and to be there for this girl. I know the social system is at times screwed up, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that the school social worker thinks clearly and perhaps checks up on the child as well. I don't know about the laws where you are, but here someone in that position is deemed a mandated reporter and would be required by law to file a report if they suspect or someone else reports to them reasonable cause to suspect there is any sort of abuse of neglect taking place in the home. her situation certainly sounds like it warrants some intervention. and sadly, I am all too aware of how dismissive social workers and dss can be. and the fine line you are treading, not wanting to be cut off from her permanently. my heart goes out to her and to you for being that person who gives a shit enough to go to bat for her. I know it's scary now that you've made the call but you DID the right thing.
much respect and admiration,
Sep 26 2006, 05:01 PM
((((((freckle)))))) I can't put it any better than anyone else has.
((((mando)))) do it do it do it do it do it do it.
Sep 26 2006, 09:14 PM
(((polly))) (((yuefie))) (((mornington)))
i didn't wear the converse, but only because the shoelaces were fucked and i didn't have time to fix them.
but you're gonna love this:
for the big huge home competition?
i get to be an *wait for it* ESCORT!
plus i think the VP has the hots for me. (nevermind that he's my old schoolchum's b-i-l.)
oh, and one of the band moms wears a bunch of earrings in one ear, and she dresses pretty funky.
maybe i'll actually make a *gasp* friend!
Sep 26 2006, 11:05 PM
Stop it, stop it, STOP IT.
Stop making everything a race issue and stop acting like you're so much more enlightened than the rest of the world. Stop acting like you're educating me about the racist things people say or do on tv/movies and in life. Newsflash: I'm brown. I get it. I'm not stupid. But I don't want to dwell on and analyze every goddamned thing I might happen to find racist and/or classist. I don't want to deconstruct the humor in the entertainment industry, okay? I live in the same area that you do. I get the same weird looks in certain parts of the city. I don't live under a freaking rock, but at the same time I don't want to be in fucking victim mode every waking moment.
And you know, it wouldn't be so bad if you weren't such a hypocrite about it. You are not working class. People who live in multi-million dollar homes are not working class, no matter what it took to get there. People whose parents have always given them everything they wanted--including Ivy league educations and expensive cars--are not working class. You may sypathize with the working class, but you are not working class. And you know what? I'm not working class either. But at least I can acknowledge that and not try to use my empathy for the working class as yet another identity that I am oppressed by. Don't go off fucking co-opting another minority group's issues to serve your needs.
AND another newsflash: being a minority does not excuse blatant racism. Cut the we're-victims-of-the-environments-we're-raised-in bullshit. I've never heard a bigger fucking cop-out. You say really racist shit on a daily basis, then you get all offended when the group laughed at K's bad imitation of a Pakistani accent?! Minorities can't be racists...Give me a fucking break.
I know you think I'm a flake because you think I can't come up with good expanations for certain things I say or do, but maybe I don't want to give you any good explanations because I'd rather just drop the subject than all-out argue with you like we have in the past. I just don't want to hear it anymore. I'd rather look like a complete fucking ignorant, racist (in your eyes, anyway) flake than hear you go off again about how you're a victim, okay? Just. shut. up.
Sep 27 2006, 12:05 AM
Godammit. Why didn't you just use a fucking condom? Yes, I'm being a bitch. I'm sorry, I can't help it. I'm freaking you out now? How do you think it's gonna be 8 months from now? It's hard to see your little brother have to grow up the really really hard way. What's more, it just makes me want to cry to see you fighting tooth and nail against having to grow up. What were you thinking? And why the fuck are you being such an ass right now? You can't keep going on making asinine jokes and pretending this isn't happening.
-Your very heartbroken big sis
Sep 27 2006, 06:39 AM
sometimes... if you step outside yourself and just take the chance, the universe will meet you half way.
turns out that the girl was really upset in school yesterday & so left class and went to talk to a councelor bc she just couldn't take it anymore, and everything came pouring out of her about what was going on at home.
and at a point later in the day, her dad Happened to call the school to talk to one of her teachers about a grade from her progress report that just came out.
2 + 2 were put together and the dad is coming in to the school for a meeting on friday, w/ the girl, the councelor, the teachers and (I'd be assuming) the social worker. the dss report, or a record Of the call, is most likely going to be pretty powerful a point to support what the girl has told the teacher & councelor.
frecklette told me some of this, and then this morning (b'fast of course) I casually asked the girl and she told me the rest. I told her how totally Proud of her I was for speaking up for herself and reminded her that she can always still talk to me and is welcome with us anytime.
I'm still alittle afraid that her dad will go alittle crazi if he gets wind of my reporting him (better him mad at me though than at her for talking to someone in the first place) bc I'm afraid he's going to feel somewhat ambushed at the meeting, but hopefully it will just be the right catalyst for change for the better.
I so heart ALL of you here, bc honest to potatoes I don't know if I'd have had the courage to make that big call yesterday, I really was SO Scared, but literally felt all of you behind me supporting me.
love love love & eternal thanks,
Sep 27 2006, 06:49 AM
Freckle, I know that's so heartbreaking, that kids always make excuses for their parents, no matter how bad they are. That's why it's so important, what you're doing.
We always say: "it's a thing only a mother/father can love" when someone has a terrible trait, because parents love you no matter what, so realizing, no, mother or father do *not* love, is one of the worst comedowns in life.
the brackets ((())), do they symbolize hugs? Sorry...
Sep 27 2006, 06:52 AM
ok. tearing up now. (((freckle))) do keep us posted, because i'm totally in love with that little girl now.
Sep 27 2006, 07:48 AM
Truly great, freckle
Sep 27 2006, 08:45 AM
in the end though, ultimately, this girl is her Own Hero, and that makes me enormously Proud of her bc she kept talking til she found someone who listened.
my part at this point, is nearly incidental and she needn't know now.
really and trully inspirational.
I will let everyone know when I learn what happens on friday.
mandi, you & the school & the band/cheer parents.
so Out There in a sea of eddie bauer snooty wooty suv drivers at freck's school.
wear the chuck's when you do the escorting (which is what?) & seek out the multi-earring'd mom.
a million times over, if we lived closer, we could be the outlaw rebel mama's that shake things up.
you rock in a Million ways chica, and don't ever let anyone ever tell you different.
((((faerietails)))) maybe some good will still come of it? I honestly believe that babies come on Their Schedule's for reasons not to be known to us. peace to all of you sweetie.
pherber, yes, ((())) means hugs.
so ((((((pherber)))))) for being so sweet.
((((((((butterfly)))))))) too. I think I did what I did for all of us (meaning in the literal Here sense, but also for all the girls and kids in the world that don't have a voice. I totally get what you meant, and thankyou for that. ( ps: the sea monkey is still alive & preg, but I'm scared is not going to make it much longer as she's swimming slower & slower each day. sigh.)
I know I hurt your feelings yesterday when I called to ask if you & t would be our 2nd for frecklette for our wills. I'm not even sure I really feel sorry for that though.
I know you genuinely love frecklette, but what kind of sister have you been to me over the years lately?
certainly not supportive when her dad was in iraq for a year.
OutSpoken to an Obscene amount numerous times over your Opinion of the Wrongness of what he does.
don't you see that that pretty much makes the case right there?
we LOVE the life we have. shittiness and all. it's not just something He does, it's ALL of us, and frecklette is incomprehensibly Proud of what her dad does. it's a large part of her identity sinse we've moved so often and lived where we were clearly Not Locals. when you talk trash about what he does, it hurts her.
when you talk trash about our country & everything else she's been raised to respect and honor- how do you think that makes her feel?
I am tired of being the one to reach out to you & call and email and understand.
politically & morally, if you'd ever get off your damn high horse, you'd get it that we're really not so far apart as you like to insist & believe. it's a war I'm not interested in fighting anymore bc the reality is, I don't really think I much like the person you are in relation to me, though I do still admire the person you are to others (if that makes sense.)
j & m are much more aligned to our beliefes. j totally adores & idolizes frecklette & m is a wonderfully good mother. for your arguments of we'd be cutting her off from blood family that loves her, blood doesn't always guantee rightness and I willnot risk you turning her against, or attempting to, everything our family has ever embraced and stood for.
peace out ~
saddened but resolute
Sep 27 2006, 09:53 AM
aww.. thanks freckleface! *blushes*
Sep 27 2006, 09:54 AM
Dear Elliptical Trainer #4:
Sorry about the bump off the machine this morning. It was early and I hadn't consumed enough coffee pre-workout. I, was, in fact, scheduled to use machine #5. Sorry about screwing up your rhythm.
Elliptical Trainer #5
Sep 27 2006, 12:20 PM
I'm confused. Really! Is this your way of extending an olive branch? And for what? You have to admit I have every right to be cautious here. Twice burned, twice shy! Are you changing your former position or is this just an outward show of civility. I really don't know how to respond to you. I'm sorry, but I just don't want to get hurt by you again. I need more than an interest in my life to make this decision.
Confused and still hurt,
I'm sorry about your dad! I want to call you and offer to help your family in some way. you did so much for me during the divorce. Unfortunatly, I am pretty sure that i do not have a current number for you. And that would require calling...HIM! I'll think about it. Looking for another way to get back in touch with you.
Sep 27 2006, 02:51 PM
Freckle, thank you. She does sound like a great little girl, and I'm real glad that she has you on her team.
I think the seamonkey realises that just swimmin' round like that ain't gonna get him nowhere (I'm totally guessing that they're like seahorses preggo wise). I think it must be when they get to seamonkey heaven that they get the crown and the cape and the torches.
Sep 28 2006, 07:03 AM
everything hit the fan this morning.
seems the girl stayed over last night w/ the neighbor (for whom she sometimes babysits & I believe has similar concerns but have been afraid of talking to least she be good friends w/ the dad) and then frecklette called the girl ( as ususal) to see if she needed breakfast (ever hopeful that the dad might have shopped the night before) but got her dad on the phone, and next thing I knew she was thrusting the phone in my face telling me to talk to him, and so I got on there and he wanted to know why I was asking if she needed it (sounding angry of course) and so I sort of stammered and muttered something like "well um it's just that, uh, I guess you have't bought cereal for a while and _ knows I always have poptarts in the house bc I'm such a poptart fantantic and it's really no big thing."
meantime, the girl apparently was supposed to come home from the neighbors at 6:30 Am and didn't come home til around 7:00 bc she stayed to help clean up the hideabed and eat breakfast w/ Them, and the dad went Nuts. has made all sorts of threats to the girls now and told her she needed to "keep her big fat mouth SHUT" and from now on wasn't allowed to ride to school w/ us anymore, and when he got home they were going to have a LONG TALK.
so the girl calls once he is gone, almost hysterical, and so I tell her that's it.
we're going to the school Together and we're going to get this sorted out.
and so we meet w/ a councelor (bc the social worker isn't in yet) and she tells him everything and then when the SW does arrive, he leaves to fill her in on things and she says she's going to call DSS ( & check the status of my report) and in the process of her telling all this stuff to me this morning on the phone and in the meeting, her dad was already reported I guess Last Year for a big bruise on her arm from when he spanked her w/ a belt and she defended herself, so he gets really crazi when this stuff is brought up.
she's afraid she's going to get taken away from him ( I spoke to the councelor seperately & told him we'd be more than willing to take her, even if it's just for a little while) and she was sooooooo Upset bc she's scared of how Angry he's going to be at her now, and yes, it's a given that she won't be allowed to be friends w/ frecklette from this point on.
but, when the councelor left the room, I hugged the girl really Super hard and told her that while I didn't want her to go against her dad, she can still ALWAYS call or come to me. that if I had my way, she'd already be staying w/ us bc we love her so much & just want her to be ok and no matter What- We Weren't Going Anywhere. she said we were the only real stability she's ever known before.
we did several group hugs, frecklette, the girl & myself and both girls cried and my heart just broke. she's even afraid he may pull her out of school so no one will ask anymore questions.
and I told the councelor that if there is even the tiny fear that she thinks he may physically hurt her, I was going to take her in and just Let Him come and try to step through the door in MY House. law or no.
he may be bigger than me but lordy don't you mess w/ MAMA. I got frying pans and umbrellas w/ pointy ends and all sorts of other things I'd gladly swing his way. m'f'er.
She WILL be SAFE in our home. I am a far bit past mad and it feels good to be able to tell that to someone besides the mr or the social worker. the man doesn't deserve that sweet child if he's going to be this way. bring on your anger and rage, bc I'll see ya and match ya 10.
she's just a little girl. he even threatened to get rid of her 2 dogs, 1 (tiny) of which was loose and he said " maybe she'll get eaten today, and then we'll get rid of Z too." Prick!
so the girls got passes to go to class,and I hugged them both really tight again and told _ that she can call me during the day today if she needed to, and the councelor told her she could come and see him at any time today too, and then he told me that the social worker will call and let me know what has happened/going on but if I don't hear from her by say, noon, I'm calling her back.
= end of rant=
all this before 8:30, on a day I was planning on staying home in bed bc I think I may have strep throat.
are y'all Sure it's ok for me to keep posting this now? I feel like a thread hog.
peace & hugs & thanks for letting me vent,
Sep 28 2006, 07:37 AM
you know you're my new hero, don't you?
Sep 28 2006, 08:27 AM
Thank god for you, freckle, seriously.
Sep 28 2006, 11:47 AM
you're headed for a fall.
she's not your kid, and no matter what you Feel now, you can't just take her, even if she wants to go.
try to keep a little perspective, if only for her sake please?
thankyou for letting things be.
I know you hate when I get into things like this, but it does seem you understand that again, I really felt I had no choice.
doing the best I can according to my heart & conscious,
school social worker:
Call Me Back!
I waited as long as I could before I called you just now, but it's been 5.5 hours!
my worry is what will happen when she & her dad get home, bc none of you will be around then to call, and that leaves what- the police? I'm out of my league and taking on water ~
anxious freck's mom
Sep 28 2006, 12:37 PM
he may be bigger than me but lordy don't you mess w/ MAMA. I got frying pans and umbrellas w/ pointy ends and all sorts of other things I'd gladly swing his way. m'f'er.
Think that's where you get Queen of the World award Freckle!
But seriously, you make sure you take care of you too.
Sep 28 2006, 02:00 PM
props to you freckle...you are wonderful.
Sep 28 2006, 02:09 PM
Please, please, please let the other baby pull through.
Sep 28 2006, 05:14 PM
Freckle, you know you rock don't you?? Holy shit.
Please stop seizing at work. Seriously. I'm just trying to do my job well, and why the fuck did I have to wake up in a hospital??
Work, please be okay with this. Thank you for being understanding about seizures. Also, thank you for my raise.
Parents, please be cool about meeting McGeek.
Mcgeek, I seriously luff you.
Sep 29 2006, 06:08 AM
the dad called me this morning.
he & the girl had a long talk last night & she cried in his arms for 45 minutes he said.
he wasn't mad.
but, um, I sorta, uh, lied to him, indirectly, about what I knew and what will probably happen at the school meeting today.
he said multiple times that she was WRONG to talk to the school (tho suprizingly he said he didn't mind her talking to Me) and that she has been making more out of this than there really is.
"there is food in the house, she is just "too lazy to make it." and yah, I did say ' but kids, uh, still need milk and stuff every day too, and I realise that w/ all the time you've been spending over at _'s house, you probly just didn't realise you were out. honestly I Have been concerned about the food situation in your house, which is why taking her b'fast was no big thing.' I also told him that I'd told his girl that if you ever needed a break, or time to work through some stuff, she was more than welcome to come stay w/ us awhile bc we love her so much. but he said it wasn't that bad and no thankyou.
I will say though, that I had more things wrong, that he & the futurely ex -wife were married much longer than what I thought, like 6 or 7 years, and that the last 2 of those, he had been fighting to get custody of the girl from her bio abusive mom. that's great, and makes me feel a Little differently, but still doesn't change the situation NOW, you know?
and then he said that he never abused or neglected her and if he was walking into a situation w/ dss he was "going to blow up."
um, yikes? so yes,I took notes the whole time and am going to call the school in a little while and give them the heads up, bc odds are, a dss worker will probably be there, and he is going to go off.
my poor sweet girl.
Sep 29 2006, 07:04 AM
call to school social worker:
the status of the dss invest is still unknown, and they haven't been to the school or their home to check things out, so they probably Won't be at the meeting today.
don't know what's going to happen now.. maybe not as bad as I first thought?
sea monkey update: seems my Squiggle girl isn't pregnant anymore, but I don't as yet see any little baby sea monkey's swimming around right now either. ?
Sep 29 2006, 10:10 AM
I guess maybe after all the fight to get custody of her it's hard for him to admit he can't cope? I don't know- just trying to see how he might be feeling, what the key to unlocking the problem might be.
And I wouldn't say that's a lie, it's just with-holding a piece of information that isn't in anyone's best interest for him to know. Or atleast that's how I'm seeing it!
A friend of mine went to social services about the neglect of his daughter by the girl's bio mom. They basically were under-resourced, and prioritized cases on a scale of 'imminent danger'. Sucks for the kid.
So is Squiggle looking brighter eyed? Maybe she wasn't pregnant- just a little gassy indigestion
And what about you? Is your throat any better Freckle?