Jan 29 2007, 07:48 PM
Dear manager and other administrative person,
Fuck you. Thanks for giving me a complete bullshit answer to a valid question. I should not have expected anything else from you, since you both play politics with all the staff and have no administrative skills whatsoever. You both know perfectly well that the reason you gave me was a huge load of shit, and I do not appreciate being pacified and babied. I would have preferred that you didn't answer me at all. Fuck you. Thank goodness I only work part time on the weekends now, and I don't have to see your sorry asses anymore. I wish you had some comprehension of why all your staff are quitting and some appreciation for those of us who are sticking it out. Thanks for nothing.
Sincerely, one of your staff who actually gave a shit but who is now jaded and bitter and doesn't feel like trying anymore
Jan 29 2007, 10:18 PM
OOOH , freckle, that's great!!
Do NOT be embarrassed to get a bunch of copies and file them away!!
You can use the clips to get more gigs!
That is great!!
Jan 30 2007, 07:10 AM
I just talked to the paper and think it is going to be in the shitty section after all, so am much deflated once again, but hey, at least it'll be 'out there' ey.
Jan 30 2007, 07:59 AM
You rock! You treat me like gold when I go to the bar and you are the bar tender. You are sweet, highly attractive, and taken, of course. I'll see you next weekend cutie.
Jan 30 2007, 09:17 AM
My experience with it was that I was working at a newspaper on my first graphic arts job -- trial by fiire!! and it was a really friendly, arty, liberal paper, so I went around and talked to the arts editor and the big editor. They agreed to look at my stuff, and decided it was well-written --- BUUUUUT I had to wait until the one sleazy arts editor left, because she was just trying to take my ideas and contacts and give them to her own people.
Then, the friendly film reviewer became the arts editor -- yayy!! He hated her and liked me.
But THEN, I still could only get something published once every other month or so, because that was when a free and open slot came up -- the nature of the business is that they have to come out often, so they want a big pile of stuff just waiting to stick in there. AND they have a certain percentage of editorial compared to advertisements, so sometimes the paper is smaller.
It still was worth it, worth it, worth it!! to see my name in print and know that it was distributed, and I even got paid!!
So, definitely come up with the pic and bio. And, whoever your contact is, just call once a week and ask if there is something they need done. I once was given a big, beautiful full color glossy art book in exchange for writing a review of it -- no-one on the staff wanted to plow through it! It was a cast-off in the nicest way!
Make sure the pic is black and white, square, and high-contrast. The square will fit anywhere in the flow, and the high contrast is necessary to counteract the gray-yellow tinge of the newsprint.
Generate a few extra essays up front!
If they like you at ALL -- and they do! -- let them know you can be a resource for them.
Several people from my old paper went on to be well-known. (stinks that I'm not one of them, but I had to go to college and deal with family 'n' stuff). It will only take a little bit of time and circumstance -- less than a year, less than a half a year -- for them to put you in the contributing writer status if they were considering it now! Just let the timing work in your favor by sticking to it!
jeez, and to think I came in here just to ask you what your essay was about....
Jan 30 2007, 02:11 PM
I returned the call of the woman who first called me, and told her that I was very appreciative of the chance to have anything printed at all, but that I believe I unknowingly sent my piece to the wrong person/section (Op Ed) and that in reality I believe it would be more appropriate in the military section. it's a (<big suprise>) patriotic piece. I also told her I had written a piece this weekend that I really envision fitting in well in the military wive's column (bc both women currently writing it are close to ass and I hope I have not just created bad karma for saying that but I Know
I am better than that and the 3rd.. some woman out in Tx, had a column all about statistics!
so the woman was Really Totally Nice and told me that who I needed to talk to was the Mil Sec Ed and gave me his email and told me that I should send both my pieces in to him w/ my contact information and then also to her,and she'd personally walk a hard copy of them over to him to be sure they get read by him.
this is what I needed to do in the first place but I honestly didn't-know-how.
I thanked her, and told her she had made my day and done a great deal of good, even if they both hate what I've written and think I should not be allowed near a keyboard again.
she was so cool too and told me that even if that- at least I put myself out there and tried.
I have been such a basket case today... am not sure how much more of this my heart and gut can take!
I know I have a voice, and mama help me but I have OPINIONS, I just maybe need the right ear to hear it to help me put it out there.
Thank You for your encouragment wombat, much.
Jan 31 2007, 05:15 AM
Dear zoya -
just remember it's the end of the month and you always feel like this when your period is coming up.
you are a rocking fucking woman, there is so much about you to love. You don't need someone else making you feel good to feel worthy and good about yourself. You know you've felt happier than you ever have in the last 6 months or so and part of that is because you love yourself more than you ever have. It will be alright.
sometimes people are put in your life for a little bit to teach you something. Hopefully they can stay in your life to some extent, at least touching base comfortably sometimes. Somtimes they were just there for a little bit to give you what you needed to learn or experience then they move on. You like to at least keep touch with those important people, but it doesn't come overnight, and sometimes it takes a long time for things to cycle around.
Let it go. it will be fine. Give it a little space. life works out exactly right. just remember you're not remembering that right now and not only does it happen every month, but you're in a place where you're regaining some footing. you got shaken up a little. It's all good. Wouldn't it be nice if everything worked out just fine and you felt great and things were comfortable and fine? it will happen. don't worry.
Jan 31 2007, 07:48 AM
Freckle, don't worry. Pitching an article is a learned skill; I still have to take a breath before cold calling a paper/magazine and I've been doing it off and on for a few years. Identifying the right person to speak to is just part of learning to pitch to media (fwiw, the section editor is usually a good place to start).
Good for you for sticking with it, and good luck in getting your piece into print!
Jan 31 2007, 08:58 AM
(((freckle))) you're amazing. i'm so proud of you.
(((zoya))) i wish i could write a letter like that to myself. i admire your inner strength.
(((rudder))) your letter completely moved me. you should be a writer. and "grace is gone" has intense meaning for me too, along the lost-love lines.
dear little cousin,
please don't be scared. i wish i could be there with you right now. but please know i'm sending you all my love & courage & healthy vibes. when you hold your little one in your arms, it's all going to be so worth it.
and i'm going to do my damndest to get up there to see you both this weekend. but i'm toughing out a few psychological hurdles right now. so if i don't make it, it doesn't mean i don't love you.
all my love,
Jan 31 2007, 09:29 AM
Dear boy from Friday night,
You are a prick. You picked me up, we made out, then you told me we couldn't return to the bar together, and I just knew at that moment you had a girlfriend! I am glad I didn't fuck you! If your girlfriend finds out, I'll be the enemy, I'll be that whore from the bar you cheated with. It was your fucking idea, you were hard for me, and you knew you had a girlfriend. You are a fucking asshat. Then, then I see you on Saturday, you were undressing me with your eyes. You still wanted me after that bullshit stunt from Friday. Here's a hint, go and be with your girlfriend. If you want to live like a bachelor, break up with her!
Stop hurting k, I know the body is telling you to slow down, but remember, if I don't work, I don't get paid.
Feb 1 2007, 06:40 PM
dear m -
thanks for dropping off the face of the earth. staying in touch is not that hard. You're weird, and you are flaky, but there's no danger or harm in just keeping up a correspondence. whatever. J is right. You don't deserve me. You're 39 years old. You don't have to act like you're in Jr. High. You still intrigue me, but your actions certainly leave a lot to be desired.
Dear S -
I really want to talk a little more about the whole situation. I just need to revisit again for a little bit. I just need to know that we're on the same page, and I also just need to know that it's not taboo to talk about. You know, when things are out in the open, they lose some of their power, and that's what I want. I also really really would like it if you'd follow through with showing me that stuff. I know that it will put a face on it. I'm realizing that's really important for me, and think maybe that's important for you as well.
I don't want to veer into dangerous territory.. I feel like both of us are similar in that we know that keeping things in the open between us is not a bad thing - that it helps eliminate any confusion and it diffuses any weirdness or tendency to veer that way.
I hope we get a good moment to chat. Lets make one.
ps - you are really f**ing cool.
dear exboy -
where are you?
dear H -
Feb 1 2007, 11:02 PM
i'm never gonna tell you, but you scare me. sometimes i think about how you treat me and i shake. i've never really had a crush on a boy that had a remote chance of going anywhere, and now there is you. i've had guys who liked trannys pursue me before, their interests so transparent, they never stood a chance. but now here i am, not so sure i stand a chance. not with your flirting, complements, attention, and charm, and you are so charming. the way you touch the small of my back when we cross the street, how you hold me so tight before we say goodbye. you make me feel small, and protected at the same time. i remember all those things from when i was a boy. but now all that seems so hazy, and heaven knows i never knew this side of things felt like this...wow. just want to be friends, that's all. you say it, i say it. you have a girlfriend, and you say that you don't know where things are going with her. but i think it's just that you are afraid of being honest with her about what you like. for all i know i am just a passing fancy. part of me hopes that you come to your senses and tell me you are staying with her. the other part wants to see what happens with us. but i am so afraid of being hurt. look at me, shaking again. i hate being this vulnerable. but i can't wait to see you saturday. i am going to be a wreck till then. but you are pretty amazing. you motivate me, kick me in my ass while making me want to work harder. so why do i want to hide under the blankets? to hyberate till this all blows over. i fucking hate this. i miss feeling like i am the one in control. i miss being articulate, and knowledgeable, and speaking my mind, not caring what you thought, but that is changing. blech. i can't stop talking about you to my girlfriends. sending them links to your site. seeing what they think about you. i think they have been waiting for me to fall for a boy. i also think that they think you are cute. but i hate this. i always talk about how i love crushes, but i forget how much uncertainty is involved. the back and forth motion making me seasick. that feeling that i am in the middle of an ocean, not waving, drowning. fuck i hate this shit. i should be mad at you for doing this to me. infact i am. i'm furious.
can't wait to see you saturday, asshole.
Feb 3 2007, 03:44 PM
dear s -
I know I'm going to miss you. I already do. You have taught me so much in the short time I've known you, just by being you. Thank you. They say that people are put in your life to teach you what you need to know, if you're willing to learn. I'm so thankful you were put in my life. Another time, another place, who knows...but our lives are what they are, and there is a reason we meet now.
I have the highest regard and respect for you. You are an exceptional man.
..and I already miss you.
Beauty & her Bass
Feb 3 2007, 04:29 PM
Yes, I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved some one. You are my life. However, this whole situation sucks. You don't understand why I'm jealous of her?! You know my fucking track record. The only time I found out I was being cheated on with the last guy I was with was because all he did was talk about her (all of the hers that there were). And what the hell are you doing now? You're talking about HER! Every conversation I have with you, she's brought up...a few times...quite a few times. I'm glad you made a new friend. I just don't like that your world now revolves around her. This is why I HATE this fucking long-distance bull shit. I never get to talk to you anymore. I miss you. But instead of ME getting your attention, you call me drunk at 1am while I'm sleeping because I'm working so that we can get a place soon when you graduate. But now all that time that you used to spend talking to me you spend with her. And I hate her for it. I hope I never meet her. I don't want to. She is breaking my heart. FUCK HER! And FUCK YOU for making me into this. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feb 3 2007, 11:50 PM
dear life -
ok, i'm gonna throw a little pity party for myself here, just for a minute. Consider it venting. That said..
when's it my turn? Why don't I have the great guy? why do I meet the wonderful ones who have it all, including a wife? when do I get the great guy, the kids, the life that I'm ready to move into, and the chance to walk away from this one? Fuck. I get so fucking frustrated. I mean, when do I get it? When? I'm so fucking ready, and so fucking capable of it at this point in my life. Finally I can do it. Finally I'm ready to jump off that deep end, truly. You've shown me that there are fucking amazing men out there - the kind I want to be with. I know now that there are men out there that I can respect, and that will respect me. You've shown me that people like me for just who I am, that they see it without me having to do anything.
I just get so fucking pissed. Will I ever get that person? More now than ever I don't want to - I won't - settle for second best. So when does a great one come along? Why do the other girls seem to get the great ones? Why can't one of these great ones I meet be available just for me?
goddammit, I'm so fucking ready to grab that brass ring and run with it. Please bring it my way.
Feb 4 2007, 04:21 AM
do you know how long i have had a crush on you, lady? how long have i known you? it's been more than 10-12 years. you are easily one of the most brilliant, creative people i've ever met. and funny? fuck you run circles around a's professor friends. how funny, i just think they are pretentious fucks, they don't spook me or anything else, but you, with your barely noticable southern lilt, part time andogenous style, aprons and shark skin suits, your mixed drink alchemy, crazy cookies, and foodie food, your interior design projects... thank god you don't draw and paint otherwise, i'd give up on life. and i love that you are exactly 10 years and one day older than me. really--i think you are supreme in every way. thing is, i am-- ive always been intimidated by you. and i never get intimidated by intellegence. funny thing is you never flaunt how smart you are. never. and i love that.
so now you email me that you've broke up with your boyfriend. i wish i could say i was sorry, but i am not. i've watched you go thru bad relationship after bad. and i think you deserve so much better. i know he wasn't a bad guy. i liked him, but when you told me he had asburger's--- it liked to break my heart. you're as much of a cuddlebug as i am, and i know that was taking a toll on your self esteem. just seeing you in dec was like heaven. the way you'd touch me made me melt. so sweet....i just want to see someone who can appreciate all your stellar facets. heaven knows i'd love to step up to the plate, but i've always been so in awe of you that it takes me forever (or a couple of drinks) to relax enough to be myself around you. god, saying that makes me sad. i remember coming out to you and you didn't bat an eye, you just asked me these deep questions that showed just how intellegent-- and lovely-- you are. i've daydreamed about dating you, what would that be like? would it be as good as i imagine you and i talking about everything in the sun? would you be the love of my life, would you be the girl that could make me forget about my great loves a, or k? or would it be poop, cos i just don't measure up? are we too much alike?
i don't know what to do, but part of me thinks that if i don't give it a shot i may never know, but i don't know if i should.
but, god i've got an awful crush on you....
that shouldn't have happened. yeah i wanted it too, but it reminded me of too many other guys who came catting around looking for a booty call from me. you said the same things, acted the same ways, and when we kissed-- there was no spark. really, it was like licking a stamp. i know all my friends think i am going to fall for a boy in general, you in specific, but i just really don't care for boys all that much. i've built up walls too thick for boys to get thru. i've heard their lies, hell when i was a boy i told those lies, and i've fallen for them too, but now i am so full of mistrust, i don't feel anything. i want to, i just can't. there are the things i am suprized by, those involentary things, but trust is something that i can't give to boys. my ex, t and i were talking and she put her nose a millimeter from me and threatened to spank me and i melted. and this is a woman who i won't play with anymore, because some things she did spooked me. but she still has more pull than you. i'm sorry. you were so sweet and charming, and i loved your complements and flirting, but i don't think there is a there there. i just don't feel comfortable letting you get any further. i know you want to do more than make out, but i can't see it. i don't even know that i want to make out with you. you are a great guy, i just don't know that i know i can trust you. maybe you should stick with your gf, maybe not, but i cant/shouldn't be a factor in the decision. i won't be seeing you.
Beauty & her Bass
Feb 4 2007, 07:30 AM
I hope to god your friends are wrong. I really thought you were it. I was so happy. You have been my everything. Now I don't know what to say. What's sad is you're doing the same damn thing that happened to me before. The same damn thing you promised me you wouldn't. I thought you were different.
Maybe I'm too damaged to hold on to anyone worthwhile.
Thank you for showing me that, because now I will stop looking for someone special.
Feb 4 2007, 06:45 PM
don't ever stop writing. you have a gift, and it warms my heart to experience it.
Feb 4 2007, 10:50 PM
((((((((((beauty)))))))))), seriously. fuck that freak. if he can't see that awesome heart of yours, he doesn't deserve to get one more second of it.
((((((((zoya))))))), don't worry, chica
you'll get yours. i'm sending good vibes your way.
and t'hugger, if you can make your way thru the quicksand of my horrible mixed metaphores, more power to you. and thanks.
if you like my writing check out nicholas christopher. he's a writer/poet that's my main influence-- esp. about women. i have some of his poems memorized. i'll pm you a snippet of one of my fave passages. he's terriffic. i'm still crazy about that pic of yours. everytime you post i find myself waving at your little kitty avatar!
stop it. just when i think i have you pinned down, you do something sweet. goddamnit, just be an asshole i can write off.
ok. help me out. this is what i want, and obviously this is where you want me to be, and what you want me to be doing, and yes, i cursed, ignored, and derided you since highschool, but i was wrong, k? now, stop fucking around and give me materials, shows, and inspiration, so we can spank this m'fucker!
just watch, i will burn this one to the ground, just gimmie the matches.
oh, aren't you sly! you just love the irony of having 'the cult master' offer me more cash. well, if you are going to pull that, go for freaking broke. have him write me into his will, or give me a couple grand just for cause. but don't pittle around. all last year you pushed me to this new job, and now you want to jerk my chain back to the old job? fine. i'll take the money, you know i will, but come on! haven't i been broke long enough? so i'll do both. even though i'd rather leave the life. but i know you, and he can do better. really, can anyone use it more than me? i know i've lived the starving artist lifestyle for a while, but it's boring. kick down with some shit-- i promise it won't go to my head.
hair gods: WTF?!? are you trying to make this hell? i've been playing by your rules for a year now. i know, i thumbed my nose at you with my pink mohawk ponytail, but i needed to get it out of my system. now i promise i will be good, but you have to make it easy for me. i still have my training wheels on, member? look, you keep this up, and i will pack it in and go back to dreads. this is not a threat, it's a GODDAMN PROMISE! i don't need another hair catastrophy. two weeks of bad hairday is not funny. and don't tell me wigs. you know how i feel about wigs. (besides all of mine look like hell.) oh, and thanks for fucking up my hair dresser. that was real cute. you suck! take the stick out of your ass, and quit broadcasting those fucking "get hairapy" ads. gloating makes you look ugly.
Feb 5 2007, 10:46 PM
Feb 6 2007, 12:02 AM
Would you please stop beating yourself up. Please. You reacted normally. Two well meaning but thoroughly dopey comments from people you like. And they both apologized in their own ways. No harm no foul. You have to go for an ultrasound. For something that will turn out to be nothing. You've done it before. You'll get through it. You are having trouble concentrating because those 2 conversations stirred up all of PTSD stuff. Triggers, remember? You had a little cry and then you got your laundry done. You're not depressed. You're just having a bad day. And tomorrow will be different. I promise.
Go read the book and remember that every time you focus on doing stuff like that it is another way of letting go of resentment and obsessing with people you cannot change. You can only change yourself. You can only take care of yourself.
Feb 6 2007, 03:01 PM
Why can’t you ever just stay out of shit? You know you don’t need to say the things that you say. You know you can just go to class and let it leave your head and heart but do you? NO!!! Cause you have to say what you feel. Why? Cause you are an asshole. You have always been an asshole. Just like Dad tells you all the time. This is why you have no friends of your own. This is why you must subject yourself to only having internet friends cause they never truly get to know you and see what a piece of work you are. Why oh why has R. stayed with you for so long? He must be sick. Why does he put up with your shit? What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you loose weight? Why can’t you go to class? Why can’t you be happy and normal like everyone else? Why can’t you just lay there and enjoy sex with your wonderful man and not expect him to do fucked up crazy shit that most people turn their nose up at? Why can’t you just be NORMAL!!!! What is wrong with you? Why can’t you get out of bed in the morning and go to school and come home and clean and get shit done on time and not procrastinate. WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? You are such a waste and don’t deserve all the wonderful things you have in life. No wonder Mom likes M. more. That’s why Dad hates you and is embarrassed by you. That’s why Grandmom hated you. That’s why Aunt. L. hates you. That’s why you can’t get along with your future MIL because you can’t keep your fucking mouth shut to save your life. God, will you ever fucking learn.
Why did you make me the way you did? Why am I fat, have bad skin, a bad attitude and why oh why did you have to make me stutter? Talk about ruining a person’s life. Not only is it completely incapacitating but no one recognizes it as a handicap. Everyone just thinks you’re high-strung, which you are because your entire life you have to think about and shuffle all of your words just to say what you want to say. I hope you are having a good time up there in heaven watching me try to force my words out and all the neck jerks and other embarrassing shit stutters have to put up with. It hasn’t made me stronger God. It’s made me weak and scared all the time. The biggest fucking tease Lord is that you make it go away for months and then something stressful makes me relapse. Here, here is a cookie and then I’ll take it away. Fuck you God. You suck. I’ve loved you all of my life. No mater what I’m going through I have always had you in my thoughts. I pray and pray and ask for forgiveness and still you shit on me. I get fired two weeks before Christmas which you and I both know is bogus. You make is so I don’t want to have sex unless it’s something demeaning which is frowned upon or misunderstood by practically all women. I quit! I’m done being the “good catholic girl”. What have you done for me? Nothing but make my life harder. Then you do all this fucked up shit on earth so that I feel guilty for hating my life. FUCK!! I can’t win so I’m done.
Baby, if you knew what was good for you, you’d cut and run. You are engaged to a sick person who is going to need therapy for the rest of her life, will never be happy with herself and will probably drive you insane. I love you more then life itself and without you I’d be nothing. I owe everything I have to your wonderful heart. When we are together I feel that no one else can harm us. It’s just you and me baby. I promise I will never hurt you intentionally. I’m just an asshole and there is nothing I can do about it. I wish you could beat it out of me but just like I slip when you are around I slip even more when you aren’t and the worst is that I don’ t have you here to correct me. I hate the person I am and I want to be more like you. You are such a good person. I’ve just had such a shitty life before I found you so many years ago and it’s just structured every facet of my thinking. Please don’t ever leave me. I’d be so lost in this world without you. I’m sorry but we can’t have children. I’d ruin their innocent lives. You’ve seen what my grandparents have done to my parents and then what they’ve done to me. How can I bring a baby into this world and not fuck it up in some way. I don’t have what it takes to be a good mother. Leave me darling and find someone kind and calm like yourself. Someone more beautiful who can love you the way you deserve. Just get it over with. I’ll be OK without you. I’d be better off alone anyway.
Dear M & D,
FUCK YOU BOTH!
Feb 6 2007, 03:15 PM
QUOTE(Wonderboy @ Feb 6 2007, 08:34 PM)
If you are anything like they portray in Charlton Heston movies, please put a plague on all the people who invented spambots. It is only fair.
You're a peach,
G to da 3, yo!
Feb 6 2007, 03:25 PM
I luuuuuuuurrrrrrrve you. LURVE!
heh. it's cold, you're huddled about the radiator, and you're all puffy. so squishable and squeezable.
fuck you hard. god, do I hate winter.
get up. go to grocery store. cat food, coconut milk, soy sauce, veggies. do dishes. slice veggies. not that hard, right? you can do this!
Feb 6 2007, 03:27 PM
DEAR WEATHER! FUCK YOU HARD UP THE ASS WITH NO LUBE!! FUCK IT'S COLD IN DELAWARE!!
Feb 6 2007, 08:50 PM
stop being such a fucking dickweed.
you are going to be the death of your wife, by refusing to move into to the old lady's house.
I know you don't like her- neither do I ! but you don't like her bc she controls your wife (her mother) the same way YOU DO and it's a power struggle between the 2 of you. - who are you kidding that the old lady feels any differently about you in return? damn I mean- would the 2 of you just look face to face and see the mirror already?
anyway, bc you are, as always, such a fucking priggish small minded insecure..... (can't find the right level of appropriate insult and it's vexing me right now...) BASTARD.
you would rather completely overwhelm your wife by refusing to move in w/ her there, making it 1000x's easier on her, and instead, essentially making her Choose.
(how in karma did you EVER score a woman like her in the first place? oh wait! you are her burden to carry in this life!)
guess what buttfuck?
mother's almost Always win over spouses. the high point is I am also hopeful she won't last long.
she's been a pain in the ass for too many yeas now as it is.
the saddest thing though, is by the time she goes, your wife will be 1/2 dead from exhaustion and then what good to you will she be? she can't cater and coddle you if she ends up sick as well.
and when she goes and you are left All Alone?
it'll be a cold day in hell before you live with me.
rot in the hell you came from fucker, (fuck fuck fuck you make me MAD)
daughter in law
I love you. I really really do even though you frustrate me to the point of wanting to do you bodily harm. it breaks my heart and makes me ANGRY to hear you so utterly conflicted and defeated by him.
please, for the love of mercy, grow some breasts here and do what YOU need to do. do what is best not just for her, but For YOURSELF too. jerkhead isn't going anywhere. I don't think your mother is any prize either, but I know you love her and will mourn her heavily when she does, someday (at the rate she's going)go so do whatever your heart whispers to be the best truth for you and then follow it.
if I seem *angry* with you it's only bc it's an easier emotion to deal with.
I can't Make You help yourself. I can't Make You do anything and have such a hard time understanding the choices you so often make. you are a much better, much Kinder and compassionate person than I could ever dream to be, but I feel it is always at the sake of yourself. for once, be a little selfish, please.
Beauty & her Bass
Feb 7 2007, 07:03 AM
self; next time you feel like flying off the handle bars and blaming D for things like cheating...maybe you should look at who is giving you your facts first...and maybe growing some ovaries and actually talking to the other people involved, face-to-face would help also. If you tell a drunk who had/has a crush on you that you're having suspicions...of course they are going to add fuel to that fire!
Guard your heart but try to trust at least a little in the meantime. You really love this one and he has given you no reason to think he doesn't love you in return. In fact, you watched him cry in front of you when you told him that you were unsure what you wanted to do as far as the relationship stands and that you were unsure if you could trust him. Still, guard your heart and take this one a day at a time.
mom; Get out of my business. Quit poking around. You are really upsetting me and causing me to lie to you to avoid argument, which I can't stand doing. Yes, I live in your house right now. I do follow your 'rules'. However, placing rigid rules on me as if I were 16 again is not going to work. I am not that person. I have lived on my own and done quite fine, thank you. So don't yell at me for who I spend my time with, don't get mad when I say I'll be home late and quit trying to dictate when i will move out. I am not living here forever, so give it up!
clients; Please, just one day without bugging me. Please!
Feb 7 2007, 08:47 AM
dear zoya -
dear m -
you are such a fucking wuss. god. you could be such a fucking cool guy - actually you are (were?) on the cusp of being such a fucking cool guy with me, but noooo.... you had to call me up - and of course I came over, because we have a rapport, but you have marginally followed through up to date. how fucking hard is it? jesus. I don't fucking care WHAT you do, WHO you are, I just think you are an interestting person, and I would like to get to know you better. Oh yeah, and you are a good kisser. Stop being a wuss. Step up to the plate. Be a man. Because I won't be around for long. I do have a soft spot in my guarded heart for you already. and I would be willing to let it grow. But i won't do all the work, and it's gotten to the point where it's your move. If you are even interested in me in the littlest bit, enough to pursue further, then now's your time. Come on, go for it. I'm rooting for you.
Feb 7 2007, 02:32 PM
I swear, I will one day hang up on you or curse you out if you continue saying derogatory things about Jews, blacks, gays, or Asians.
Feb 7 2007, 02:47 PM
Sorry I got harsh with you on the phone earlier today. I know that you tend to call me when you want to hear a soft, reasuring voice. But I saw you falling into that same self-destructive pattern that you've repeated over and over again and I just HAD to stop it. Sometimes the famous "Mary Voice" just isn't enough to get through to you. Luckily, I think you understand that.
I know that relationships are scary. There is always the chance that you're going to get hurt. But the only other option is to have no relationships whatsoever - to block out every human being on the planet. It will prevent people from hurting you, but it sounds like a pretty lonely, miserable existence.
Yes, men have hurt you in the past. But that is not a good reason to break up with a man who has done NOTHING wrong. T has been very sweet to you. He has respected you and taken things slow and has been wonderful in lots of ways. It is E who is the asshole here, so don't you dare make T pay for E's mistakes. It'll just make you miserable and the next thing I know, you'll be calling me and G at all hours, looking for a shoulder to cry on because you threw away the "only good man I've ever met". Do you want to do that? Of course not. So focus your anger and frustrations on the right man.
Chin up, hon. You've got a lot of good things going for you ... including a good man and some great friends!
Much love from your momma bear,
Feb 7 2007, 04:07 PM
Wonderful, beautiful, sensual, sensitive, loving, erotic self! Why are you so mean to yourself? You know you are the way you are because of others, because of things you have survived in your life. You have fought through more shit then most people and you have come through shinning. You are 25 years old and have finally made a decision on what you want to do with your life and are striving to succeed and see it through to the end. You have a wonderful, beautiful, sensual, sensitive, sexy, loving and very erotic man who worships the ground you walk on. Who would do anything just to make you smile. You have a beautiful house and two great puppy dogs who live their lives just to jump on you and lick your face when you get home. You have a sister who admires you and wants nothing more then to just sit across from you sharing tea and playing rummy. You have a mother and father who give you anything you want not matter the monetary value even if all you want is their love. It’s not their fault that they had terrible upbringings too and just don’t know how to be good loving parents. Your friends are crazy about you. They think you are hysterical and always come to you for advice because they hold your opinion very highly. You have great friends here on bust who love read your posts. Why are you so hard on yourself? Just be yourself baby and don’t let anyone make you feel about it.
I love me,
Feb 7 2007, 05:03 PM
(((((((((((pugsy)))))))))))))) just cos i wanna hug ya!
i really need to write you, muh'fuckers more often, don't i? you came thru, and best belive i am gonna get that fire started. just know, your faith isn't wasted on me. what did bob marley say? legalize it and i will advertize it? you just keep those kick ass opportunities coming and i will never squander a single one of them. keep talking to my muse too. those off the wall things have me laughing and loving life. good looking out. thanks for letting me know who to pray to. i'm all yours!
whatever. you see the post that the art gods got, and you get whatever. stop the teasing and kickdown in a serious way, k?
relationship goddesses: e was cool to let me know what i don't need. he's a swell guy, but i think friends is best. if you can do something about w, that would be fantastic-- she's supreme! but for that, you need to team up with the money and art gods, k? dunno if it will work or not, but i can think of nothing better than to spend a couple years with her figuring that out. don't know if it's her or someone else you got lined up, but you've never let me down...well, there was that first time...lol... still, whatever comes-- even if its a few years of nada so i can concentrate on painting and writing, thanks!
oh, you are cruel! get with the program, k?
Feb 7 2007, 05:20 PM
Is that all you want to do to me is hug me? Bitch I'm disappointed in you!
Dear Hair Gods,
I don't do shit with my hair so I know I have some good hair day vouchers that you owe me. Are they transferable? Cause if they are, sign them over to GT! I think she needs and deserves them (although I’ve never seen her hair only her complaints here in this thread). Shit, I’m content to do the ponytail thing for the rest of my life. Give GT a break already.
whatever X 2 + FU = -Kickdown
Feb 7 2007, 05:37 PM
Feb 8 2007, 03:00 PM
To the God of Men -
Please tell Mr. Pug that it's ok to confide in me. He can tell me whatever is bothering him even if it's me doing something. I just hate being told, "I'm fine." when that is obviously not the case. If it's male PMS then please send me a sign so I'm not worried constantly about him.
I'd appreciate this courtesy,
GT-When am I not thinking about a spanking? Tell me that? I saw a tongue ring today at the mall that said SPANK ME real small. If I had the money I would have bought it. Then I could stick my tongue out at Mr. Pug and he’d know what I was asking for.
Feb 8 2007, 07:56 PM
why can't you write yourself?
girl, you kick some serious ass. i'm proud of you for yesterday. you actually went through the whole interview without getting panicky "hot flashes," and your answers were badass. but that doesn't mean you have rollover badassness that will allow you to procrastinate on this excerpt.
dear Madsterina the Incorrigible:
i wish i could adopt you! if you're still there come the end of may, your ass is mine! and you very well might still be there in may, considering the fact that you're quite the picasso with your poo. but i know it's just because you need exercise and more opportunities to poo. i've got it covered, babe. Madsterina the Incorrigible would be your new name if you lived with me, because "Maddie" relays a sense of calm and collected not-youness, whereas Madsterina the Incorrigible is soooo you.
Feb 8 2007, 11:42 PM
are you trying to tell me i'm not suitable for regular employment? wtf?! why, after the best interviews ive ever had, does it all fall apart? are you trying to push me to the art gods? fine but can i have a few years of stability first? please? i've been thru so much the last 7 years, and i am soooo weary. so tired. this was-- is supposed to be MY year. you used to deliver dream jobs to me. back when i was a boy, you'd serve 'em up on a silver platter. wild things i never thought i'd do, but since then you treat me like chopped liver. yes, i pissed away all those opportunities, squandered every chance because i was too busy burning bridges running from myself. now that i've stopped running, can you take it easy, huh? and can i have another chance or two? purty please?
remember before i even transitioned you sent me that blessed, sacred telegram named Ramona Quimby, age 8, who whispered things in my ear? little secrets that would hold me together? the forbidden fruit that hung from her celing? or her egg? the one that when cracked open contained a fortune that said "you are NOT your body?" she was my Susanne: 'feeding me tea and oranges that come all the way from china' she ferried me over me back from the river styx, for little vacations from androgeny, she saw me for who i was. delivering me into the arms of kitty, the love of my life. and thank you so much for her. i wouldn't be here if she didn't know how to read my mind in ways ramona never could, guiding me thru my second childhood, suffering thru my insufferable teen years. crying with me when we didn't know what tomorrow would bring. kitty: the one who knows me better than anyone, who, looking in my palm plotted my path. she told me: every seven years you're a whole new person, since all of the cells in your body are regenerated, isn't that cool?" then pushed me gently from the nest. here i am at the end of 'My 7th Dawn.' lost. on my altar, above my bed, my offerings are rejected. again. just this once, just this once, can i not have some fortune, some prophesy, some cryptic poem, but a path? straight forward, clear, smooth, well lit and paved? just this once can i just make it to me?
Feb 9 2007, 12:52 AM
Thank you for loving me despite my insane moments and crying and confessions of self-hatred and guilt and thoughts of self-inflicted harm. Thnak you for hugging me one hundred times more in the year that we've been together than my parents have in my entire life. Thank you for thinking that I won't pull through this (or any) bout of difficulties by myself and helping, helping, helping and especially thank you for allowing me to feel that I can show you my weak spots without actually being made to feel weak, or pathetic, or that they are something that I can snap out of or break away from easily.
Thank you for being the first boy to tell me I was beautiful, and only the second person in my entire life to use the adjective to describe me, the first being the only nurse's aide in the mental health ward that was nice to me all those years ago. I'm sorry I never believe you when you say it though. I'm trying really hard though to change that, however.
Thank you for spontaneously asking me to marry you on Wednesday, and then apologising because it was "a crappy proposal," and that you wanted to re-ask me. It wasn't crappy at all though. It really wasn't. Thank you for then taking me out to the city and buying a "temporary" little silver ring at the Oxfam shop, because you don't have enough money for a "proper" ring just yet. It's okay though, I like my thirteen dollar sterling silver one.
Thank you for giving me a reason to get better, and for being someone I can trust and love and for saying that you'll be with me always.
You have faith in me, and you tell me so, all the time. You'd better be careful there, or I might actually get a bit of an ego.
They say you can choose your friends but not your family, but fuck, I chose you to be my best friend and now we've chosen together to spend the rest of our lives with each other. You are my family.
I love you, in ever-increasingly cheesy ways. Also, you have a really cute bottom. Also, sorry about naming your genitals and rear end and giving them voices when I am bored in the mornings and you're still half-asleep. You could probably do without me voicing your penis and making it (him!) do stupid dances and sing songs whilst you're semi-unconscious. Still, Mr. Nibbles is less of a dick (and sings far fewer middle of the road love ballads) than many of the people on, say, American or Australian Idol, yet ironically is actually 100% dick. The mind boggles at how this is actually possible, but, hey, it's the way it is.
The fact that you find my silliness cute ("seriously, you're the cutest girl ever") and endearing is another plus. Don't ever lose that quality otherwise you're just going to end up finding me incredibly annoying.
Love, your partner in crime, life and other things,
Feb 9 2007, 08:20 AM
Please bless all the busties here on Bust.com. They are all strong women who deserve everything you have to give them. Women are so shat on in this world and they deserve some hope that things will get better as time goes by. We all work hard and don't get the recognition, support and encouragement we so desperately need. Bless the family; friends and lovers that do recognize our struggles, support us in our decisions and provide the encouragement that helps us keep pushing on. I truly believe that everyone believes in a higher power so therefore no matter what religion or path anyone follows here they do love you or whoever they believe in. Please bless the women of the world.
Feb 9 2007, 09:51 AM
Keep pushin sweetie! Just a little more, and it will be there, running around in the world with you.
Feb 9 2007, 10:37 AM
I need a break. There is too much shit sliding down from the News Mountain. There is too much misogyny, too many hate crimes, too much neocon obfuscation and too much death. Too many people who think that color and nationality mean there is a hierarchy after death. Too many frat boys who think rape is a joke, and too many "men" who enable that fucked-upedness. Too many women eager to identify with their oppression and shit on those of us who don't toe the line.
So, ciao for now, internet-land. I'm joining the ranks of the uninformed, as best I can. Maybe I'll move to a trailer in the woods. With dogs.
Feb 9 2007, 10:45 AM
Got it out, time to go back in.
Feb 9 2007, 11:35 AM
Give yourself a break, ok? The weight of the world does not rest on your shoulders.
Your better self
Dear Mr Green Eyes,
I like you. Like me back, ok? And then please tell me what your status is. We can have fun together!
Feb 9 2007, 07:53 PM
If I had known that this morning would be the last time that I got the chance to speak to you, I would have thought of something better to say than to advise you to "Go buy a sweater". You've supported me all my life and strived to make me the best I could be. No matter what I did, you always accepted me for me and never judged me because of it. I only wished that we had more than 22 years together and that maybe I could have been a better child growing up. I am in so much pain and shock right now and I'm trying to cope with this. I keep trying to be strong for our family and my friends here but I can't keep holding everything inside. I will always miss you and love you.
Feb 9 2007, 08:17 PM
dear zoya -
get your shit together and stop partying. ok, well you don't have to stop partying, but stop drinking. stop. now.
dear you -
i'm so fucking sick of your condescending tone and sarcastic remarks. we work together, not against each other. stop treating me like im an idiot. part of me thinks you have a problem with women in positions of power, part of me just thinks you're a dick.
come on, we're in this together. you're not god, and you're probably a decent person if you would just stop being an ass.
Feb 9 2007, 08:39 PM
Feb 9 2007, 09:52 PM
luckystars/money goddesses/(self-employment)job goddesses/art goddesses/tranny god/desses:
thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou. it's so great to know i'm on the right track. keep those breadcrumbs commin' and throw some slices of bread, a sandwich and a loaf or two too. and if you want to leave a couple of grocerybags, shopping carts or semis full of provisions, i'll be even more greatful. can i make a wish/say a prayer that i will be self-employed (and making more money than i ever did working) selling paintings by the end of the year? i know it's a lot to ask, and i don't want to be presumptuous, but i can't see as i'm good for much other than artistic endevours. and i'd be ever so greatful. thanks again to all the involved parties. keep up the good work. lets make all those dreams/goals a reality, k? i'm ready to work!!!!
ps. why didn't you tell me all i had to do was post on this thread? i would have done it sooner.
oh, and a lit candle goes on the altar tonite. i haven't forgotten how to say thanks. oh. and a glass/bottle of wine goes there too. tytytytytytytytytytytyty!!!!!
Feb 9 2007, 11:58 PM
Feb 10 2007, 12:32 AM
Feb 10 2007, 12:28 PM
Dear A -
I really liked talking to you tonight. I know everyone ended up leaving and of course thinks we hooked up, but whatever. I'd really like to hang out some more and it would be awesome if you called me tomorrow. That's why I told you if you were around to call. My day is free.. it would be awesome if you called and we did something.
so do it.