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sweetn_low
ok...i *lost my virginity* last thursday nite (and by that i mean penetrative sex involving a penis). and it was fun and enjoyable. it did hurt alittle trying to get past the fleshy outter lips, but now i've figured out how to avoid that. other than that...it was fun, like i said. no fireworks though, no orgasims (i didn't expect any). no big deal.

i almost feel cheated that i didn't bleed all over the bed or suffer the pain of the loss, b/c i was so prepared for all that shit to happen. ok...i *almost* feel cheated. lol. i'm glad of course that i find it comfortable and enjoyable. but i don't feel any different about myself or anything else. why is sex built up so much and carry a stigma? it's just natural...not like the end all be all of existance fun but it's just...nice, i guess.

i wasn't really expecting this...
bklynhermit
that's similar to how i felt when i first had penetrative sex with a guy.

i was just like, that's IT?

it wasn't painful, or earth-shattering. just weird and akward.

especially since i'd been 'fooling around' for ages before that. it was just like, meh.
anna_k
I haven't had penetrative sex, but I felt like that when I fooled around with a guy and received oral sex. I was really bored and was surprised that I wasn't turned on or orgasming or having any fun, it all felt very clinical and routine.
maddy29
oh my gosh, anna_k, that's how I felt about oral when I was in college. I don't know if the guys just didn't know what they were doing, or what. But I'd always be laying there like, ok, this is nice and stuff, but I'm kinda bored. Ha! Now I'm like YUUUUMMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!! But before it didn't really do much for me.
sweetn_low
anna_k, that's how i feel about oral sex too. and my bf has a tongue ring and that's supposed to help i guess but, u know, i don't really give a shit. i still don't get the point of a tongue ring. and i'm totally afraid to give a guy head. i don't know why but it does not turn me on. i've never done it, btw.

currently, i just feel kinda like a sex fiend. since it's so new to me i want to explore everything about it but i don't want to cheapen our relationship since it's still very new and growing. i haven't had an orgasim or anything, i'm just courius as hell, you know? and...honestly, i like that my bf totally gets off on it, he said he never had sex w/ anyone like he does w/ me so i must be doing something right. and i like that feeling. it's like...powerful that i can do that. am i just being a totally dink or do other girls feel this way???

((god, should i even post this?...lol))
anna_k
Sweet, sometimes I've been into the idea of giving head, and other times a foreign pulsating thing in my mouth turns me off. I feel embarassed about being a virgin because I don't want to feel like an inexperienced twit who has to have everything taught to her, and to be dumped for giving bad blow jobs.
bklynhermit
if anybody dumps you for giving bad blowjobs, they weren't worth practicing on in the first place.

also, if it helps any to know this, apparently most guys think anything even resembling the attempt to give head is super hawt and amazing. i've never seen a man turn down a blowjob, and i don't think it's because i'm some kind of oral sex genius.

nobody is gonna ridicule you due to your inexperience -- they're just grateful that you're there and that they get to be your guinea pig.
ericamamerica
Giving head is one of my favorite things to do! It's one of my specialties!

Do not be afraid to have a "juicy" mouth with lots of saliva, especially if the guy is circumsized. Kind of cover your teeth with your lips, and make an "O" with your hand starting with your thumb and index finger.

Make an "O" with your mouth and now put the "O" you made with your thumb and index finger up to your mouth. That is how you will give head -- and having your hand there allows for control of how far in you are willing to take his penis.
As you move up and down the shaft,use your tongue and do swirling motions around the penis -- it sounds more difficult than it is. Do not actually SUCK hard, but suction is good and I find it works well if you increase the suction as you move up the shaft as well.

Your tongue swirling around will increase the sensation to the head of the penis which is really good because it is a very sensitive area. Do not be shy about using your hand to provide a firm grip that slides up and down the shaft as you give head -- that pressure feels AMAZING to them -- but be sure that the penis and your hand are lubed up either with saliva or lube (as I said before, especially on an circumsized penis).
Increase the pressure and speed steadily, keep good rhythm. Breathe through your nose. If you need a quick break, grasp the penis firmly with your hand and lick/play with the head of the penis with your tongue.

And when you start giving head, don't just dive into it and start sticking it in and out of your mouth. If you are comfortable enough, lick his balls (this can also be a "quick break" in the act while moving your hand up and down his shaft still to keep the motion going)

Also, in the beginning, place your lips over your teeth and wet your lips well and slide them from the base to the head of the penis a few times on the different side of the penis, and/or lick the underside, swirl your tongue around the head -- all that before you begin will help to use your saliva to lubricate it.

Yes, sometimes it takes awhile but the hard work is worth it!

Good luck and HAVE FUN!
eleanorrigby2008
Okay, so I'm a virgin, but I'm getting very serious with my boyfriend. We've fooled around a bit, but I don't want to orgasm until we do it right. I'm going on birth control soon, we're going to wear a condom, etc., so we're being smart about it. I just wanted to know what to expect. What's going to happen? How long will it take until I enjoy it? Will I be able to orgasm the first time? Thanks for the help smile.gif
Moonpieluv
how old are you if I may ask eleanorrigby2008? Not that it truly matters, but I find that women that have been virgins for a bit discover masturabation..and learn about penetration and orgasm without necessarily having a person involved.
When you say... I DON't want to orgasm...it rings as, i dunno...SPAM. does that mean you do orgasm or you are just SPAM?

as for the others... bj are the bestest. for me to give..and any guy that I've ever encountered. They love it. hold your own and get yours the way you feel comfortable with... all will come as you like it.
pollystyrene
I think moonpielove's advice is good, eleanor- find out what you like and how your body works first. Get some toys (this is a great place to get them- good quality, very informative website) and experiment, whether it's alone or with each other. It will definitely make the experience more positive for everyone.

I don't feel like replying in the other thread you posted in, so I'll just do so here- yeah, sometimes it feels like you have to pee. Could be the g-spot, could just be the "loss of control" feeling that orgasms sometimes have (in a good way!) Either way, it's always a good idea to pee right before and after sex anyway. Besides making sure it won't happen while you're in the moment, it flushes out bacteria and prevents urinary tract infections.

Here's a page that answers that question, and talks about peeing before sex.

Whatever you do, being safe is the most important!!!
roseviolet
Eleanor, there's a great website called Scarlateen that has honest, frank, sexual info for people who are just starting to learn about sex & sexuality. I found an interesting article over there called "Ready or Not? The Scarlateen Sex Readiness Checklist". There are tons of other great articles there, too.
pollystyrene
Wow, that is a good website rose!
eleanorrigby2008
Thanks, ladies! You're all being so helpful. We fooled around a bit more last night, but we didn't have much time. I decided that we should wait until we do it the right way. He says that it's completely up to me.

I've never really been able to masturbate. It's just not satisfying. And I can't get any toys or vibrators because a) I need that money for gas and cool.gif my roommate is super prude and I wouldn't have anywhere to keep them. I'm 18 and live in a dorm.

I really love this guy. I'm ready for this, I just wanted to know what to expect. I'm going to head over to that website, though. Thanks!!
pollystyrene
Is your roommate is a prude and a snoop? tongue.gif Seriously, be creative- they're not that hard to hide. I had one in high school, while still at home with my parents and while at college and it was never found (although, maybe my snoopy sister would tell you otherwise!) Google "vibrator cozy" and you'll find all sorts of cute things you can hide it in. I assume you're either not fooling in your dorm room, or you've got some sort of system set up so your uptight roommate doesn't walk in on you (remember the scrunchie on the doorknob, ladies?) If you've got enough privacy to have sex, you've got enough privacy to hide a vibrator. You can order one off that website, it gets shipped in a totally discreet package- no one would ever know what's in there (could you have it delivered to your dorm? If not, maybe your boyfriend, a trusted friend or sister who lives on their own?)

I wasn't able to orgasm as a teenager either until I got a vibrator. Have hope! It made it so much better when I was eventually with someone.
erinjane
Eleanor, just wanted to give another shout out for Scarleteen. When I was in my mid-teens I visited that site every day and was even a mod for a while. I'm really glad I had access to all that info before I had a sex and I don't feel like I had ANY unreal expectations when I did finally start having sex.

I agree with what others said about getting to know your own body. You don't even need to buy toys. Even if you don't find masturbation enjoyable, just exploring your own body can help you answer a lot of questions and will help you figure out what you might like during sex. (FYI, my favourite 'sex toy' is the bathtub fawcet...I just lay underneath and let it do it's job) tongue.gif.
prophecy_grrl
Just another plug for scarleteen - I have two sisters 14 and 16 years old who often come to me with sex questions (I'm not complaining, but I admit it can be awkward). I ended up getting them Heather Corrina's book, which is awesome.

As for masturbation, don't be discouraged by not enjoying it. I know it took me awhile just to figure out how to do it - our anatomy is complex and the path to orgasm is not as self-evident as it is for guys. Vibrators really do help - you can try out a bullet or egg vibrator, those are discreet and cheap. Of course, you should do whatever feels right to you, but I would caution against waiting for intercourse to try for an orgasm, as it puts added pressure on you and your partner.
erinjane
Eleanor, are you also saying you've never had an orgasm? I wouldn't wait until the first time you actually have intercourse for this either. I seriously doubt I would have been able to have an orgasm at all the first time I had sex and it was months before I relaxed enough for a partner to get me off (I've been masturbating since I was 13). Now it's easy but that has a lot to do with being comfortable in my own body and with my partner. I get the feeling you would benefit from the book "I love female orgasm". I bought it last year out of curiousity and for my partner to read and ended up passing it around to a bunch of female friends. It's a great brush up and a good introduction for anyone new to sex, masturbation, orgasms, or just exploring your own body by yourself or with someone else.
humanist77
I'll definitely jump in with self-exploration..not only to orgasm on your own, but so you'll be comfortable with your own body. This is very important to enjoying partner sex.

And when you do the deed, take things VERY SLOWLY. You must be in control-not him. Eye contact is good, and close communication. It might be beneficial if you are on top, so that you'll definitely have control. Also, lube is your friend. All that said, don't take this toooo seriously or get frustrated-let it be a fun and pleasurable event.
pollystyrene
QUOTE(humanist77 @ Nov 5 2008, 02:39 AM) *
I'll definitely jump in with self-exploration..not only to orgasm on your own, but so you'll be comfortable with your own body. This is very important to enjoying partner sex.

And when you do the deed, take things VERY SLOWLY. You must be in control-not him. Eye contact is good, and close communication. It might be beneficial if you are on top, so that you'll definitely have control. Also, lube is your friend. All that said, don't take this toooo seriously or get frustrated-let it be a fun and pleasurable event.


Agreed, especially on the position and lube. Don't beat yourself up too much (unless you're into that sort of thing! tongue.gif ) if it doesn't go well the first time. If at first you don't succeed....
eleanorrigby2008
I'm not too worried about having an orgasm the first time. We obviously know that he can get me off manually. It's more about the two of us being ready to take the next step, grow closer and become more intimate.

This may be the wrong thread and I may have already asked this somewhere else (it's really early and I was partying for Obama late last night), but can anyone give me tips on how to give a [good] hand job? When we tried it didn't really seem to work and I definintely want it to. Thanks! These boards are great biggrin.gif
tommynomad
Hi eleanorrigby,

I'm a guy, and I can tell you there's no such thing as a formula for a "good" handjob. You have to ask your boy, because everyone likes different things. I know it can be weird talking about sex during sex, so you don't have to talk about it in the moment. But you do need to talk about it. He should tell you what feels good, and you should do the same for him about your pleasure. Consistently great sex is first and foremost about open communication.

And you should know that even among women experienced with their bodies, orgasms during sexual intercourse aren't always easy. Shenomad and I don't even try for them: we just enjoy them if they happen. If we're really chasing an orgasm that day, we usually end up getting there manually or orally.
erinjane
Tommy has good advice. Ask what he likes. I've been with a number of different guys and they all liked different stuff. I've been with my current boyfriend for a couple of months and I'm still figuring out what he likes and I always ask him to tell me while we're doing stuff. It's such an individual thing.
crinoline
something I had to learn about handjobs before I got it right - lube is a good idea (spit works too)

that being said, everyone's different. You could ask your boy to demonstrate, so you can see first hand what he really likes.
humanist77
QUOTE(crinoline @ Nov 5 2008, 04:04 PM) *
You could ask your boy to demonstrate, so you can see first hand what he really likes.


pun, or no pun? tongue.gif
auralpoison
HEE!

I gotta say, I do ask a boy to *mutually* demonstrate. I get off on watching & it's educational! It's one of the few times I prefer having the conversation during the act rather than waiting until it's a non-sexual situation. I do it with blowjobs, too. As a former phonesex operator, I can make it sexy & not uncomfortable for either participant with a few choice words. I'd been with HB for a few months before the "exclusivity" talk & when I tried to wank another guy during that short time, I fell far from the pleasure mark because I was so used to what HB liked at that point. HB doesn't like me to touch the head of his dick because it brings him off too fast, so I got used to just working the shaft & the balls. The other guy wanted the frenulum action & I had gotten so used to doing it the one way, that I slacked.

Spit isn't bad . . . but lube is better. Spit doesn't last long & tends to get tacky. But a lot of them do like to watch you lick your palm very sexually in preparation of the act. Men are such visual creatures after all.

Eye contact is good too, as well as enthusiasm. Even a bad handjob is good if you are enthusiastic about it. And the eye contact says that you are plugged into the whole experience.
zoya
I'm the same way - I get off on watching. There's something about watching a guy - erm - manhandling himself - that's hot... and of course, it is educational. I find that most guys, after some of them have the initial bit of shyness, actually really like knowing that you're into watching them. I also find that it brings you closer, to be able to step beyond that whole facade of "I'm so great in bed that I should know EXACTLY what you like right off the bat!" because, really, that only happens in porno movies, not real life. I too, think it's good to talk about this stuff while the action is going on - I'd feel a little too clinical talking about what a guy likes in a hand job while we were sitting at the dinner table, fully clothed or something like that.

I also think that it's an evolving thing. What your guy might be willing to let on that he likes, may change a little as you get to know him better. For example, the first time I had sex with the guy I'm currently hanging out with, I thought he was really vanilla and needed some schooling - when in reality, as he got more comfortable, and I asked about what he liked, etc. I found out he's totally into kink, pretty good at most stuff, and a very willing learner and teacher about himself. So be patient and let stuff unfold - don't worry about being totally perfect the first (or second or third) time you try it. If he knows you're a willing learner and partner in educating each other about yourselves, I'm sure he'll be just fine with all of it.
Lily_Anne
Tips on how to even initiate that? Other than, say, spontaneously pleasuring myself at said dinner table?
bob4both
I'm with zoya on this one. I think most men enjoy stroking/manhandling themselves as long as they know the woman is into it (otherwise it can be very embarassing). I have not had to be coaxed myself, but I have coaxed women into the touching themselves, so I think the process would be similar. Start by running your hands over his body, and fondling his balls, stroking (lightly) the shaft, basically start the hand job. Initiating a teasing blow job (licks, kisses, etc.) would be helpful too as it keeps his mind centered around his cock. Then as your hands are moving across his body, slide one down his arm, take his hand in yours, then go back to stroking his body with your hands intertwined (nipples are hot for many guys, too!). Lead his hand to his cock and continue the mutual stroking. Eventually you should have his hand wrapped around himself and stroking; then simply let go of that hand, but continue with the other hand/mouth so he doesn't feel so self conscious cuz you're still "busy" down there. If you're comfortable with talk, mention how hot it is watching him after he's into it. As long as you keep involved the first few times, I think you'll find him receptive enough to continue. Eventually you can get away with asking him to do it for you so you can watch. At least that's my 2 cents worth!
crazyoldcatlady
as a derail, for being a "virgin's" thread, there's a lot of hot action going on in here.
Lily_Anne
QUOTE(auralpoison @ Nov 6 2008, 12:51 AM) *
Spit isn't bad . . . but lube is better. Spit doesn't last long & tends to get tacky. But a lot of them do like to watch you lick your palm very sexually in preparation of the act. Men are such visual creatures after all.


Naive question, but: Eww, isn't spit gross? Does the ick factor get distracting?
erinjane
Well, I don't find spit gross. I'll put his tongue, cock, and cum inside my mouth, so a little spit when you have nothing else is no big deal. I know a lot of guys who like it when girls drool or spit while they're getting blowjobs. Sex is dirty, sweaty, and full of various bodily fluids. It's all part of the fun. smile.gif
zoya
agreed with erinjane. When you get really into it, the ick factor just goes out the window. If you're comfortable with something, chances are so will he, and vice versa. So just go with it, remember, nothing is weird when it comes to sex. Everyone just has their own threshold. (ok, well maybe gerbiling is weird, but that's for another thread...)

..just wait until you get comfortable enough with one another to fart out loud in hilarious ways. Puts a little spit to shame... smile.gif
Lily_Anne
Thank you. Alas, my perception is colored by seeing too many mommies clean their kids' faces with spit. Not sexy. And I admit kissing is pleasant, even though it involves another person's spit.
culturehandy
There is no ick factor when it comes to oral sex and you enjoy it.

Lily, think of it this way, spit isn't gross just like your vaginal fluid on his face isn't gross! Like EJ said, it's all part of the fun.
dayglowpink
We use spit for lube all the time, but I have to say I was slightly taken aback the other day when my guy mentioned that sometimes he hocks up a loogie and rubs that on my vagina, since it's slipperier and lasts longer than regular spit. Thankfully he's not doing it in a loud obvious way! Whatever works! smile.gif
pollystyrene
QUOTE(dayglowpink @ Dec 8 2008, 11:59 AM) *
We use spit for lube all the time, but I have to say I was slightly taken aback the other day when my guy mentioned that sometimes he hocks up a loogie and rubs that on my vagina, since it's slipperier and lasts longer than regular spit. Thankfully he's not doing it in a loud obvious way! Whatever works! smile.gif


Sorry, that's gross. Of course, I make LeBoy use Listerine before going down on me. That's what happens when you work in a dentist's office- you find out how much crap is in people's mouths.
zoya
I don't think I would like to know about a loogie being used down south on me as lube.... something about shit being hocked up out of the lungs makes me kinda icked out. I'd not go as far as Listerine - seems a bit over-sterile to me... (granted i don't work in a dentist's office, so...) although Listerine could be kinda nice and cooling, like a peppermint candy.... is it? smile.gif
konphusion26
QUOTE(dayglowpink @ Dec 8 2008, 12:59 PM) *
We use spit for lube all the time, but I have to say I was slightly taken aback the other day when my guy mentioned that sometimes he hocks up a loogie and rubs that on my vagina, since it's slipperier and lasts longer than regular spit. Thankfully he's not doing it in a loud obvious way! Whatever works! smile.gif


OMG! And you didn't smack him for it? That's a bit extreme for my taste. But if you're okay with it so be it. Hock away dayglowman!!

I'm sorry but I'm so nervous about anything other than lube in my vag area- she's so sensitive and prone to infections!! I'm trembling with fright at the thought of it LOL
crinoline
QUOTE(konphusion26 @ Dec 8 2008, 06:18 PM) *
I'm sorry but I'm so nervous about anything other than lube in my vag area- she's so sensitive and prone to infections!! I'm trembling with fright at the thought of it LOL


That's funny, that's exactly the reason why I don't use lube!
I'm a little ew on the loogie -(not judging!) I guess it makes sense though -in consistency...
pollystyrene
QUOTE(zoya @ Dec 8 2008, 03:40 PM) *
I don't think I would like to know about a loogie being used down south on me as lube.... something about shit being hocked up out of the lungs makes me kinda icked out. I'd not go as far as Listerine - seems a bit over-sterile to me... (granted i don't work in a dentist's office, so...) although Listerine could be kinda nice and cooling, like a peppermint candy.... is it? smile.gif


Well, LeBoy is only so-so with his oral hygiene, hence the Listerine (ironic, given my job, but you know the "you can lead a horse to water..." saying.)

I don't so much notice any mintiness down there, but I do get hot & bothered whenever I smell Listerine wink.gif
konphusion26
QUOTE(pollystyrene @ Dec 9 2008, 10:09 AM) *
Well, LeBoy is only so-so with his oral hygiene, hence the Listerine (ironic, given my job, but you know the "you can lead a horse to water..." saying.)


I feel you Polly!! You know I do. LOL I'm not gonna go there and derail the thread though! hahah

But just know we're on the same page here! tongue.gif
dayglowpink
Ha ha! I thought that might be a little extreme for you guys. I don't think he's literally coughing and hacking up a lung. He probably meant more like the back of the throat kinda spit that's slipperier. I get that kind in my mouth when I take his dick way back into my throat. It makes a much better lube than regular spit.
hejizzd
Amen to that. What the hell? I feel like a little girl compared to all these virgins!my only question is whether any of you think there are any bad ways to lose your virginity. Does it feel awful to do it with somone you don't love or is my idealism just due to my naivete and young age?
deschatsrouge
HJ, don't lose it in a car. Lose it in a very large bed, preferably a king sized. Don't lose it with out lube and a LOT of forplay. When I say a lot, I mean he should be bordering on blue balls. Don't lose it because he wants to, lose it because you want to, I mean really want to. If this applies, you need not lose it with a guy. If you want to, you can lose it with a girl. It feels better and safer with some one you know and trust.
ketto
hejizzd, you can't really say if there's a bad way to lose your virginity unless you're talking about yourself. If you feel that it's important to you to wait until you're in a loving and committed relationship, than you should. For some of us that wasn't an important factor. Basically, do what feels right for yourself - not what feels right for your friends, family, or partner.
neurotic.nelly
deschat, i think that's really good advice. I second it!
tommynomad
deschat is 100% correct. the only thing I'd add is to drop the mentality that you're "losing" anything. You're gaining.
LilPinkElectricChair
QUOTE(hejizzd @ Jan 2 2009, 10:29 PM) *
Amen to that. What the hell? I feel like a little girl compared to all these virgins!my only question is whether any of you think there are any bad ways to lose your virginity. Does it feel awful to do it with somone you don't love or is my idealism just due to my naivete and young age?


The only way it could be bad is if you don't feel comfortable and totally ready. I'm 18 and only slept with a guy for the first time a few months ago. We don't love each other, but it was good for me because I wanted to have sex. I guess that's the key, to have sex when YOU are ready and want to not because of what your partner or others may think.
candycane_girl
I think it can only be bad to lose it if you don't truly feel ready and just feel pressured. Also I've heard some bad stories about people losing it on the beach. I was 15 when I lost my virginity and even though that may sound young I felt completely ready when it happened. I'm glad that I can look back on that night with absolutely no regrets.
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