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aquagirl2
My husband and I really, really want to meet cute girls to have a threesome with! I have no idea how to do this. I've been trying to talk to people on Myspace but they always fizzle out. We have been to a swingers club but it is always couples who want to swing and we're not into having another guy there. Lesbian clubs are no good because there's nothing they hate more than couples looking for action, from what I hear. What do we dooooo??? I need advice. I want to start a family in a year and goddammit, I need to get this stuff out of my system NOW because god knows, we're not going to be one of those 45 year old swinger couples at the club with 3 little kids home asleep.
aquagirl2
Oh, I killed the thread.
jezabelle
aquagirl2 there is no getting it out of your system. If it's truly what you're into, then thats a part of you. Having children is not going to change that. I've been in your situation, but it was my husband (at the time) trying to talk me into it. There are lots of sites like plentyoffish, where you can specifically say what you're looking for.
I hope you get out of the experience, exactly what you're looking for.
opheliathemuse
I have a crush on someone with whom I work. She is so delicate and quiet. I like guys more often, but I appreciate female forms like flowers. But she strikes me slightly differently.
cake
try passion.com or alt.com depending what yuo are in to. but be safe they may be girls and there may be two of you but all internet/stranger dating rules still apply.

ps, the sites are a little racy so DO NOT LOOK IF YOU ARE OFFENDED
LoveChild
sometimes i have a crush on girls too...my ex thought i was bi. i took it as a complement.

actually, my ex's room mate had a girlfriend who i used to flirt with. i don't know if anyone noticed, but since i was in a strong sexual relationship w/ my boyfriend at the time, i couldn't ignore it as well as i usually do. she was a really sweet hippy chick. she soon moved back to her home state and i bitched at her boyfriend about it...

i guess i think about girls like that to a degree, but i can't imagine haveing a girl/girl relationship in real life. i'd be too scared.
falljackets
nm
mr_falljackets
Aquagirl, you could just wait until nature, in its own arbitrary time, genuinely and honestly connects you with a qualified and willing third. That is the advice, for whatever it may be worth, I would offer you from our own experiences. It's so much more thrilling and biochemically gooey when you allow it to just happen of its own accord rather than contriving it to be and, bonus, you don't have to wade through a sea of aggravation such as you describe.

And, also... I realize enough time has passed since you made your original statement for you to have reflected upon its validity but I thought I would mention that you egregiously generalized 45-year old parents who enter into consentual extra-marital relations with other consenting adults as somehow being bad parents. By how exactly? By leaving their kids at home asleep? By that rationale parents ought not go to the movies or dinner or otherwise enjoy activities in each other's company if they mean to impose a babysitter upon their children. Your generalization establishes zero causal relationship and comes off as a prejudicial invective against an unflattering stereotype you seem to entertain of "swingers". What's so very wrong with parents enjoying a non-monogamous sexuality anyway?
hopey
mr_falljackets took the words right out of my mouth. on both points.

aquagirl, if I were in your shoes, I would ask myself why I was interested in a threesome.

are you doing this for you? are you bi? would this allow you to explore a side of you've suppressed because you are married to a man (or for moral reasons?)

or are you doing this for your husband? are you two just looking for something hot and crazy to do and open to the idea of including a third party, but not to the idea of being tagged teamed by two guys?

if it is the latter, then yes, I would go the route others have suggested here. it is non-committal, and if you regret it the next morning you never have to see that person again.

but if you are looking to embrace your bi-sexuality, then I would allow things to come about on their own as mr_falljackets suggested. sex and relationships are very different between two women. the bonds are stronger, attraction is different, and you might find yourself dealing with a whole set of emotions you never expected.

good luck in your adventures. ;-)
zawadi
I just read Aquagirl's post and the replies (which give a lot of really good advice).

I wonder what (practicing heterosexual) people mean when they say that they want to get it "out of their system" - especially by way of a threesome with an opposite-sex partner present. Do they feel that they just need the experience, one time, to assuage their curiousity and see if they like it or not? Or is it something that has to be done for the sake of saying that it's been done?

There might be some women out there open to threesomes with a woman-man couple -- Aquagirl, I'd say the best bet would be someone who is in your situation, preferably a friend who also wants this kind of experience/experiment. That way there would be something in it for all of you smile.gif Because if there are any queer women who don't mind being experimented with/made a sexual fetish of by a man and a woman who doesn't have prior experience with women, I haven't met one.
hopey
QUOTE(zawadi @ Aug 10 2006, 11:33 AM) *

I wonder what (practicing heterosexual) people mean when they say that they want to get it "out of their system" - especially by way of a threesome with an opposite-sex partner present. Do they feel that they just need the experience, one time, to assuage their curiousity and see if they like it or not? Or is it something that has to be done for the sake of saying that it's been done?


I think if you're "bi/gay curious", it just means you are a practicing heterosexual struggling with some issue that competes with that realization that you are bi/gay, and at some point you come to terms that you just are. You can't "get that out of your system." If anything, you are accepting it's in your system.

Honestly, I think women who say they want to get it "out of their system" actually want to be able to say they did it. Whether it's to please a partner or to feel sexy crazy like a pornstar or whatever.

QUOTE(zawadi @ Aug 10 2006, 11:33 AM) *

if there are any queer women who don't mind being experimented with/made a sexual fetish of by a man and a woman who doesn't have prior experience with women, I haven't met one.


I agree, unless you're paying her. wink.gif
aquagirl3
QUOTE
Your generalization establishes zero causal relationship and comes off as a prejudicial invective against an unflattering stereotype you seem to entertain of "swingers".


Good lord. Look, I just don't want to do that once I have kids. Okay? I don't like the idea and I get icked out when we meet the couples there that have little kids at home. I don't think there's anything wrong with the fact that I feel that way. Plenty of people might judge what I find acceptable in my marriage, and that's their right. It's not like I lecture the couples that do that, I just silently think to myself that I don't like that idea.

And furthermore, "getting it out of my system" has nothing to do with "saying I've done it." Perhaps I was too flip with that cliche but I enjoy being with women to a certain degree (I do feel I am much more "straight" if there was a continuum like Kinsey suggested), and I would like to do it as much as possible before I have kids--BECAUSE I DON'T THINK SWINGING IS RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR for parents.

I don't know why people would get miffed because of that opinion. Thinking judgmentally is a completely normal part of human existence and I am suspicious of anyone who says they "don't judge others." There is a big difference between what you think about and what you say or do.
mr_falljackets
QUOTE
BECAUSE I DON'T THINK SWINGING IS RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR for parents


Forgive the assumption but you apparently seem to think it's responsible behavior for adults otherwise you and your husband would not be attempting it. So I'm curious about what's inherent about swinging that makes it inappropriate for adults who have birthed children. We don't have any kids so I don't have a stake in this personally. I'm just curious as to how you come to your conclusion.
katiebelle2882
mr FM,


i was reading this yesterday even though it was close to the bottom and thought the same thing you just asked. glad you came in to get a clarification bc i myself and interested in that answer. personally, i dont think you can draw a line like that. you arent hurting the kids or subjecting them to anything different then you would if you werent swinging. i mean by this logic, it seems like you wouldnt think a single mother would be being a responsible parents either bc its raising a child outside the normal societal view of what is ideal for children.
falljackets
i agree! and furthermore, if swinging is such a bad/immoral/wrong thing for parents to do, isn't it JUST as wrong before you become parents? in other words, if you're so horrible that you'd be a swinger before kids come into play, aren't you still a horrible person after they're born, whether you continue swinging or not???*

are all of your ideals just supposed to magically change after you have a child?

*so yeah, that was sarcastic but you get the point.
maddy29
i think it's fine though, for her to say that for HER, she doesn't want to be swinging once she has kids. She may feel that is irresponsible for HER, but that's just her opinion.
sybarite
Presumably the child would not be exposed to any of its parents' sexual behaviour... so it shouldn't make any difference anyway.
maddy29
exactly- it's not like the parents are saying "ok kids, go to bed n ow, because mama and dada are going to screw someone else's parents tonight." now THAT would be inappropriate wink.gif

personally, i don't get the whole swinging thing, but hey-whatever floats your boat....
falljackets
sybarite, that's pretty much it in a nutshell. i wouldn't involve my kids in any sort of sexual behavior, so it really makes no difference WHAT i do.

maddy, she is certainly entitled to her opinion, but she's openly saying down there that she judges people who engage in this kind of behavior after having children. i guess that's the reason for the questions. it's pretty obvious from her posts that she is NOT just saying that it's irresponsible for HER...
maddy29
yeah, i know fj- i was just trying to cut her some slack. it seems like she has a really strong reaction and belief about it. i wish she would come back and tell us where she's coming from! is it a thought out opinion, or more of a knee jerk reaction? it is interesting to be ok with swinging, as long as you don't have kids, i don't really get the rationale there...

i have a random swinging question- how do you deal with the risk of std's? do you only swing with people you know and have been tested? how does that work?
katiebelle2882
i would assume you use condoms maddy. unless yes you do know the person well. but i think condoms are a good bet all around.


and i meant mr FJ not mr FM.


and i agree FJ, not only should your morals not suddenly change but also with the idea that she is clearly judging people who do it after you have kids. you dont want to, fine, but dont sound so high and mighty about this great moral line you draw once you have children. smacks of a madonna/whore complex or the idea that a woman should change once she has kids.
mr_falljackets
I don't have a problem with others making value statements about people. Just give me some evidence you've thought about it somewhat. A line of logic. Some causal relationship. Anything other than an abject prejudice.

And yeah, maddy. Condoms. We don't always use them though. Should we? Probably, yeah. I won't try to pose an argument against them or excuse us for irregularly using them. What can I say? I like skin-on-skin intimacy and sometimes I let it go.
aquagirl3
Hi, I'm back. Ok, I understand your questions, but I'm not sure I can answer them. I know this is not really how it happens, but I guess I see myself going through certain "phases" in my life and once I enter the "parent" phase, something like swinging doesn't enter into it. I suppose I feel it has a seedy element that I wouldn't want children to even be tangentially near. And I will admit that since I feel that way about myself, I feel like other people should do that too. I think everyone should be a liberal and hate Bush, too. And like the Simpsons. biggrin.gif

About the STD thing: my husband and I have never had sex with others, just mess around. But I am sure most responsible swingers use condoms same as any other non-monogamists.
katiebelle2882
so would you not want your children to be around gay people since they have "gay sex" and many people would consider that seedy and gross. or how about other people who do kinky things, you dont want them to be around them (not while they are doing them obviously) since thats having them be "tangientially" near it as well? i mean if you think your kids are any closer to it if you are doing as opposed to anyone else they are associated with you are dead wrong.


everyone is entitled to their opinion, but in mine you take it way too far in saying everyone should be like that. whatever though.
sybarite
I'm kind of crashing this thread; I've been curious about having sex with women for years but am in a longterm monogamous relationship with my mister so it's unlikely to happen. But aquagirl, I'm curious: aren't you afraid that any swinging (or other sex with women or men) you have now will whet your appetite for more?

I always suspected that if I opened the door to threesomes or swinging or sex with women (overlapping I know)I would want to do it again, and again. Which would be cool, except the perameters of my relationship don't allow for it now. But your appetite is your appetite... harder to switch off. At least for me. tongue.gif
katiebelle2882
I agree sybarite, although i am not in a relationship, when i am i have always felt its best to not even get into being intimate with other people as it becomes hard to stop and you only end up wanting more. perhaps however that says something about monogamy in general and how people arent cut out for it over the long term.
mr_falljackets
nm
olhakadirf
*delurks*

I just have to throw in my 2 cents, and that is, as long as you are taking care of your children.......you are NOT bad parents, and who you have sex with does not even cross with taking care of your children, okay if you are in an all day orgy and leave the baby in the crib while it cries for care than yes that is bad parenting, but who I have sex with does not make me a bad parent....again who I have sex with does not make me a bad parent, and saying that it's not good parenting skills for YOU means that you are judging others with that behavior, I can't even successfully put this into words so I should shut up, but I had to say that even though I am not "swinger" I am not necessarilly monogamous either and I am one of the most awesome parents out there, and being morally relaxed as mr. fj would say would NOT change that fact.

and yes mr. fj, you and the mrs. should be using condoms with others, and I will have to come and paddle you both if you don't shape up tongue.gif

*relurks*
aquagirl3
I don't consider being gay seedy. I understand what you guys are saying, that's just how I feel. I don't think I can defend it any better than I have (not saying I've done it well, just saying I can't do it better).
mr_falljackets
QUOTE
and yes mr. fj, you and the mrs. should be using condoms with others, and I will have to come and paddle you both if you don't shape up tongue.gif


"We do. Just not... every time," he replied, his head hung in shame.
minx
I am going to jump into this interesting debate because it's pertinent. That, and I would like the Falljackets to think that I am stalking them. tongue.gif

Okay, lemme get this straight:

A. Adults with no offspring can go through their "phase" of sating differing sexual appetites.
B. Adults with offspring should be over their "phase" of sating differing sexual appetites.

See, now this kind of logic fucks with me. I am a single parent. By this line of logic, I should have no right to date and fuck the people I am dating because...why?

I have had all sorts of nasty little coups, none of which Minxlette was exposed to, even under our own roof. See, the way I figure, if I am a relatively healthy adult I can make my own choices. Sexuality is not nasty, nor is it something you "get out of your system" (I know that you stated this was rather glib, but it bears repeating because I, too, have heard that line over and over again...and mostly by bi-curious females). Being ethically slutty isn't something that you "get over" either...no more than "getting over" being gay.

Case in point, my ex-partner was ready to SHRED me in court over my "unseeming and unmotherly" practices behind closed doors. What that meant in black and white was that he perceived my want for non-monogamy as unsavory practice for mothers. I realize that this is purely anecdotal, but it remains that I have seen this over and over again. I had to go waaaaay underground in the BDSM community, assumed names, the whole nine yards just because I liked a little whip-me-beat-me on a Wednesday evening. I even ended up having to leave the community because of his threats to expose me. This kind of shit is a career-wrecker, and most judges don't look at us too kindly because of misinformed perceptions.

And would you like to know who leaked all of the juicy tidbits of my adventures to the asshat? That would be my at-the-time best friend of ten years. A transgender boi who was into multiples and BDSM, but felt that it was inappropriate for me to be carrying on in my own home (or otherwise) because there is, apparently, a separate set of rules for mothers. That, and he found me on here...sending me under another pseudonym and underground AGAIN.

Nobody on a feminist website, nor anywhere else in the omniverse, can tell me that this isn't the biggest piece of woman-hating bullshit I have heard these last two years. He felt...how to say this...sanitized? by his marriage. He was now a bonafide member of the junior league white male monogamous het-set. To say that it is icky and non-adult just because you squeeze a tamale out of your chooch is utterly rediculous.

Whu? I am now defined and CONfined by what comes out of my vagina? Uhhh...NO. And it is in bad taste for those with children why? Because you (generic "you") have a double standard that says "do what I say, not what I do"? I don't raise my child in that manner. I raise my child honestly--no, I do not tell her the sordid details of my last session with my little bitchboy man-table, but I do tell her that her sexuality is A-O-Kay...that she can love Barbie or Ken, and that I don't want to get married (which makes her burst into laughter). And yep, if she asks me about it when she is older, I will probably tell her that Momma is Non-Monogamous--when I think it is appropriate and when she can developmentally contextualize it.

I have been doing this for the last two years (and wanted to for four years prior to it). My child hasn't suffered. Since I am an atheist, no god is going to strike me dead or send me to hell. I would really ask those who do feel that repulsion about us parents with predilictions toward the pervy to ask themselves what it is that is creating those feelings. I'll tell you this much, it sure as hell isn't me. rolleyes.gif
aquagirl3
I'm feeling bad. I don't usually state unpopular opinions on Bust (not because I'm hiding them, but I generally agree with the "mainstream" Bust opinon). And now I feel you are showing me the error of my ways. I don't mean that facetiously. I don't think that single mothers should not date or have sex and I can see how that is similar.

I dunno. I'm going to go hang out in other rooms where everyone isn't mad at me. sad.gif
minx
I don't think anyone's mad at you, Aquagirlie...even if I was I would wonder what about it was making me mad--like me not being able to use my mind-control powers at will. smile.gif

Take what you can from this and chew on it for awhile. I can assure you it won't taste like horse-apples if you give it enough time. This is the only way that change occurs; via rigorous debate and critique. All too often, shit like this can become a catfight--but it doesn't have to. I am awfully grateful to those who checked me when I was wasn't considering the entire scope of an issue.
mr_falljackets
a ) Not mad at you, Aquagirl. Indignant at poor logic that arbitrarily marginalizes very decent people I know to be devoted parents? Maybe.

b ) Looking forward to a sustained stalking campaign, Minx. I wonder if we could persuade a judge to issue an order restraining you TO us.
katiebelle2882
i kinda want to stalk both minx AND mr FJ (also the mrs. cause shes amazing as well) at this moment!:)

minx, you could not have said it more eloquently. i feel that you have said more then anyone possibly can since you speak from (many) experiences and everything makes perfect sense!
hopey
(raises hand)

I would like to join in on the Mr & Mrs FJ stalking please.

you need at least four people to swing, right minx?

wink.gif
mr_falljackets
Fj... party of five?
thereshegoes
hello to all-


i am a female, in a heterosexual relationship with a man. we are monogymous, but it is a given that we look at porn and fanatasize about others. my thing is that ever since i've been having regular sex with a man, i only climax when masterbating to sexualized images of women. i can't tell if this is latent bisexuality (i'm 29, and with the exception of making out with friends when drunk a few times in college, pretty straight laced), or something else.

anyone ever hear of anything like this?


mr_falljackets
Thereshegoes...

wish you would have kept the rest of your post. I thought it was interesting and worth discussing...
mandolyn
i thought that was a pretty fascinating discussion, what is and isn't "appropriate" behavior for parents, and/or people of "a certain age". (and aquagirl3, i don't mean to make you feel any more "on the spot" - you feel what you feel, your opinion is valid.) i may be a suburban, middle-aged, married, monogamous mom (k, way too many m's there), but i often act anything but ... and i know i've made more than a few tongues wag.

but i guess that's off-topic. perhaps a thread idea?

minx, i'm in awe. but you knew that. wink.gif
ferraro
just to add to the discussion -

i can imagine not wanting to take place in risky behaviours once i have children (not that i actually want to) because the stakes are different. i would be upset if my partner would ride on a motorcycle without a helmet once we had children and i would be upset if my partner had unprotected anal sex with some random person who sold them meth. (not suggesting that anyone on here does this.) but i think you have to be more responsible in all your behaviours once you have other people dependent on you.

Having multiple partners increases the risk factors for contracting some diseases. I think parents who are non-monogamous or sky dive or ride a motorcycle without a helmet or engage in any other risky behaviour without careful consideration are not being responsible.

that being said, i think you can do all these things responsibly, they just have to be thought through.

also, to ad to the previous discussion - as a lesbian, straight couples hitting on me is creepy. i dont get that thought process at all. like there being a vagina there distracts me from the fact there's also a penis??
mr_falljackets
QUOTE
i would be upset if my partner had unprotected anal sex with some random person who sold them meth.


You could nuke any medium-sized American town and not kill anyone who disagrees with this.
ferraro
that was kinda my point.

i was just trying to think of some outrageous example of extra-relationship sex that i could object to that i felt no one on this board had done, so i wouldn't offend anyone.

that being said - i totally know people who have done that.
minx
Everybody takes calculated risks everyday. Yes, any sentient parent is going to try to be a little bit more careful with risky endeavours. I, for instance, don't ride rollercoasters anymore, and have pretty much kissed off the idea of skydiving until I'm in my 50's.

Everyone has their own comfort level as to what a calculated risk would be pertaining to their lives. Show me an unprotected, assfucking methhead, and I will show you a dozen parents who love their children and have MAD crazy (safer) sex lives. Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt wrote the book that changed my life--and scared Minxlette's father half to death. tongue.gif I really do suggest folks to read The Ethical Slut. It's a little peace and lovey, but it makes a good argument for those who choose to be non-monogamous.

And yeah, couples that troll for dykes. I think that is naiivete, ignorance, and arrogance all wrapped up in a nice little "I wanna party in your panties". Thank something that I always go commando. laugh.gif It takes on such an objectifying lens. The lesbian-that-wants-to-fuck-the-het-set-on-a-whim-porn fantasy is annoying. It's not like it doesn't occassionally happen, but the dykes of the world aren't all sitting there waiting at the local bar pining away for some chick to hit on them so they can get an HBI.

But fucking hell, if I have to deal with one more bi-curious chick who wants to "experiement" I am gonna barf. I don't mean to sound uber-offensive to the bi-curious in this crowd, but my luck has run more towards these girls that will stick their tongue down your throat when trashed and when it comes to going downtown, they wouldn't know the geography of a clit from that of a small town in Idaho.
thereshegoes
ok mr falljackets---
i took down the second half because i didn't want to offend, but here it is (paraphrased)

basically, my mom and her bf were swinger types when i was a kid. even though she never told me about it directly, i knew, as did much of my community (small town). i was realy embarressed. as an adult, i feel she had the right to do what she pleases, but i was angry about it as a kid, and definately had some uncomfortablity with sex as a teenager. so i would say if you're going to be swinger mom (or dad), try and be a little DL.

the reason why i took it down was because i really don't feel my experience shoud hold other people back from their own choices, but maybe it is something to consider. i'm not a parent, but i work with a lot of kids, and they are definately affected by these kinds of choices.
maddy29
hey fj's, i didn't ask that to judge (about the safe sex) i was just honestly curious. it seems to me that it would be tricky at times to be super safe. i think that there is risk whenever you have sex with someone, and different people are wiilling to tolerate different kinds of risk.

i love this discussion. super interesting about thereshegoes's experience with parents that were swingers. Great to see it from that side. i'm reading a book right now about these parents in the 70's who wrote this sex book, and then how it effected the children, it's pretty interesting.
sybarite
Thereshegoes, that sounds tough. To me, what you wrote is an example of how swinging *could* hurt your kids, as in this case their sexual behaviour transcended the activity itself and entered the domain of public knowledge. Which IMO wasn't fair to you.
minx
QUOTE(thereshegoes @ Aug 25 2006, 08:18 AM) *

i took down the second half because i didn't want to offend, but here it is (paraphrased)

basically, my mom and her bf were swinger types when i was a kid. even though she never told me about it directly, i knew, as did much of my community (small town). i was realy embarressed. as an adult, i feel she had the right to do what she pleases, but i was angry about it as a kid, and definately had some uncomfortablity with sex as a teenager. so i would say if you're going to be swinger mom (or dad), try and be a little DL.

the reason why i took it down was because i really don't feel my experience shoud hold other people back from their own choices, but maybe it is something to consider. i'm not a parent, but i work with a lot of kids, and they are definately affected by these kinds of choices.



Wow, hey TSG, I am glad that you had the clit to post that for it is RARE and wicked cool that a (former) child of parents would be writing about it. This is the one thing that I ensure will not happen to my girlchild. I do think that it is easier to hide my anonymity in a big city. Paths can cross at times, but I have been rather painstakingly "DL" about it. Especially as she gets older and more coherent. Kids don't need to know that much about their parents, and it makes them an easy subject of ridicule for their peers. Hell, I remember just being mortally embarrassed by my folks getting drunk a couple of times and having my friends see it (I, too, lived in a VERY small town).

You don't make anyone do anything, what other posters chose to write or not write is their own responsibility. Anyway, your experience is very relevant to these conversations and I am glad that you spoke up honestly.

Kudos!
thereshegoes
thanks, all.

btw---i never wanted to imply that bisexuality (which i assume is the topic of this thread) = bad parenting.

i really just came in to discuss my own rising sexual curiosity towards women. i've been admiring women's bodies a lot lately---not just "is she prettier than me that bitch" but noticing how rounded breasts and asses are really sexy.

i'm definately closer to women in general---most of my close friends are women, i generally prefer hen parties, i tend to like more stereotypically female activities like talking about feelings and reading BUST and Bitch and getting pedicures and watching 80s movies. i know that's not what sex with women is actually about. but i have a close friend who does all that stuff with her girlfriend and sometimes i get really jealous that they have such a total bond. it's like they're lovers AND sorority sisters all in one, minus the puff-paint.
go_kayte
I'm bumping this thread!!

In the immortal words of Peaches, "I like girls and I like boys, I don't have to make a choice."

So here's some background on my bi-junk: When I was 14 I realized I was gay and started coming out to a few people. I told my parents and some friends and joined my high school's brand new GSA.

Then I met Mr.Kayte. His long eyelashes, androgyny-punk thing, and ability to really listen to me gave me tinglies. We became good friends in a older brother/younger sister kinda way. He introduced me to this girl that became my BFF, then the object of my affections. Her thing was that she claimed to be straight, unless there were no guys around, in which case she would fool around with me. It was kinda messed up. She denied that we were having queer relations. I got tired of it after a while, and in venting my frustrations to Mr.Kayte we ended up "going out" and getting it on.

It was bliss for a while, until BFF came back into my life with a vengeance, and demanded my undivided attention. I broke it off with Mr.Kayte and we had a brief thing but I again realized she's actually a horrible person. I went back to Mr.Kayte. This time we really needed each other. I thought I was done with queer stuff: My hetero experience had been a good one and my les experience had been a bad one. For some reason I was still thinking in the binary of "gay or straight" and didn't let "bi" come into my brain as an option.

For the next few years I shoved all my queer feelings down inside and that resulted in a lot of emotional outbursts and feelings of insecurity and fear of not being straight enough. It sounds stupid, but that's what happens when you do that to yourself.

About a year or two ago Mr.Kayte started encouraging me to talk about all this. I reconnected with some lesbian friends from high school and they were like "Yay! Welcome back! We knew you weren't really straight."

So that's about it. Now I'm re-coming out, and finding out how to acknowledge and assert my queerness while in a relationship with a man. Some of my friends have been amazing, some have been confused and frustrated. Some even think it's disrespectful to Mr.Kayte to come out. They think I should keep hiding it inside like I was before. But that will not ever work. Mr.Kayte has been amazing and says he would be fine with me having a girlfriend on the side. I'm not actively pursuing that but I'm letting nature take its course and if someone comes along, well, who knows? I'm just happy to be out and finally becoming comfortable with myself after all these years.

LGBT busties, where are you? Share your stories please. smile.gif
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