edie, your friend is my new hero

"Wow, you guys sure are clean. I just turn my shirt inside out when its dirty."
Said by my best friend's uncle to my best friend and his boyfriend who were doing laundry.

preteen in Borders' cd section "ugh, nobody listens to a cd player anymore".

OMG. I love being a dinosaur and never owning an iPod / MP3 playing device even though I am in the target market age range. hehe.

k, as much as i am diametrically opposed to the idea, there isn't a thread for it so i am going to jump in on the "overheard by which i mean funny conversations i took part in" trend.

today at work i accidentally hit a key command that turned on the voiceover option on my computer (you know, where you click on a folder and your computer yells the file name in a creepy robotic voice, etc) and was having a hard time figuring out how to turn it off and my coworkers started talking about it.

coworker #1: "who even uses that anyway? what is it for?"
coworker #2: "it's for deaf people!"


(pause. everyone starts CRACKING UP.)

coworker #2, trying to save face: "you know! because they wouldn't be bothered by it!"

there's a difference between programmers and eunuchs....?


SORRY I'M SORRY I REALLY AM it just had to be done. i'm not even the right person to do it because i've hooked up with some verrrry un-eunuch programmers in my day but man, it was just such a good set up.

and it made me LOL

OMG! I'm so glad I found this thread - cheered me right up!

personally, I like it when the hourly employees at work say things like "Hey Mark? Can you punch Jim out for me?"(...you know...the punch clock?).

My boy and I heard this at our cafeteria today :
Two young black men having a conversation..."Yeah, that dude may be all black panther on the outside, but he's black panda on the inside."
...black panda? we lol'ed

Woman in the dollar store with her son who wanted a Beethoven CD:

"You don't want that CD, it's not even real music, it's just this guy and his symphony and stuff. There's NO WORDS!"

this one was by Dr. Oz on Oprah this morning. the question was to douche or not to douche.

"the vagina is a self-cleaning oven."

Goodness. I missed that line.

I was at a diner this morning and this little girl was talking reaaaaally loudly:

"Mexican women have longlonglonglonglonglonglonglonglonglonglonglonglonglonglonglonglong hair in their armpits!"

The dad: "...well, not that long..."

I almost choked and burst out laughing. (And coincidentally, I'm pretty close to being that stereotype! hee! )

Ooops! Double post!

star that is high larious!

I'm going back to school to become a vet tech and I just started a medical math class yesterday. A girl walks in late and my very foreign professor asks, "Do you know how to use a calculator?" She answered, "Of course. It's just like riding a bicycle."

overheard at the dr's office down the hall == crying baby, twangy hick voices speaking over it==
' she don't like me very much Bread-Crumb.'
'well she don't like me very much right now either.'

bread-crumb is officially my new favorite pet name.

smartie!
Bread

Crumb !

A girl walking down the street holding hands with a guy - "Yes I slept with him but it didn't mean anything because I love YOU"

this one is thanks to my mum...

"That man had no neck! That one in the car! With no neck! Did you see him?! He looked like one of those things from star wars!!"

ok, so this was said too me, but i found it amusing...

my 7 yo son just came in and said to me "mom, your pot's not dry."

he was apparently going to put away the dishes and the big pot was still wet, but still... my mind went off in a totally different direction.

That is too funny! Were you afraid that he found a stash? haha,
They were just giving an interview here at work and John (leading the interview) was explaining vitaminwater to the interviewee (a young woman) "it's not all the same different ones hold different vitamins... some make you go up, some make you go down.... uh emotionally speaking of course"
it was awkward everyone laughed...

Overheard at a wedding reception last night where a group of late 20s-early 30s women were conversing beside me:

#1 Well, sometimes life just doesn't turn out the way you think it will.
#2 Hey, I know! I was going to be a nun and I came back from East Timor pregnant!!

I couldn't wait to post it! Tee hee!

Overheard later at the same wedding between two older women at the dessert table:
#1 They're like... what are those things with the holes called?
#2 Donuts?
#1 Yes.

I forgot about this thread. Damn, I was at a Folk Festival all weekend and I heard so many ridiculous drugged out conversations. I'll have to think of some and bring them back here.

I forgot to post these after we got back from our vacation.

In line to buy fries at Stanley Park. A woman was talking to her son and another little boy, probably about 7. She said she was pregnant and going to have a baby in December and then showed them a picture of the sonogram.

7 year old friend: Where is the baby? Who has it?
Mom: It's in my tummy right now.
7 year old: Sometimes babies die in their moms tummies. Would you be sad if your baby died?
She actually took it in stride and just laughed it off and continued to explain.
(a few minutes later)
7 year old: Y'know, y'know when they cut the...ability cord?


In the changeroom at Radium Hot Springs. A 2.5 year old girl was obviously very tired and trying to put on her bathing suit by herself. Her mom kept trying to help her.

little girl: NO MOMMY! I don't love you mommy!
(here mom was laughing really hard)
mom: That makes me sad when you say that, wouldn't you feel bad if I started bawling right here?
girl: No mommy! I don't love you! I don't need help!
mom: But your bathing suit top is on backwards, your boobies are sticking out.
Then the little girl looked down and just started laughing really hard. Too cute.

Random bits overheard at a festival over New Years:

"just keep walking around. You'll find it." (what a helpful friend!)

"how cool is my lump?"

Oh, I was in my Year 10 class discussing ethics and we were talking about Robin Hood 'stealing from the rich to give to the poor' and trying to apply Utilitiarianism as a way of evaluating this action. I stupidly derailed the whole discussion by raising the fact that Robin Hood was one of my favourite Disney movies.

Girl #1 - Oh yeah, I remember that. Robin Hood was a fox.
Me - Yeah that's right.
Girl #2 - Hang on a second. Was Robin Hood a FOX?
Girl #1 - Yeah, and Maid Marion...
Girl #2 - ... a FOX stole all that money?

I laughed for about 10 minutes.

"If you get married, I'll probably come to your wedding if I'm not dead by then." Ladies & Gentelmen, I present to you, my father! Who is, I should add, not dying of anything that I know of. God love the holidays.

My friend to her 4 year old son: "Guess what? Ellen has got a new baby cat!"
Son: "And did it come out of Ellen's tummy?"

When I told my 7 year old niece that my coat was called a "sleeping bag coat" she told me that that's a good thing because when I get old I might lose my job and have to become a "lazy hobo" . . .. er, okaaaaaay.

Another chestnut: She said that the movie Coraline was so scary it was like she was "crying inside her stomach" which led a friend to say that she should narrate her own 7-year-old version of My So-Called Life.

I was walking past some freshman on campus and this was the only part of the conversation I heard

"...it's like musical chairs, but with penises!"

so c-monkey and i are sitting at the dinner table last week, and she's playing with this reindeer hair scrunchy with googly eyes, and out of nowhere she says, in the high-pitched squealy voice little girls usually reserve for kittens and ponies, "his little eyes are so cute, i just want to dig them out and eat them!". then she holds it at arm's length to one side of her face and then the other, and mutters all scowly-like "but they follow you everywhere."