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gumby_cc
This is the funniest conversation I've EVER had with third grade girls:

S: What is the name of your mom who coached my brother's baseball team?
M: Her name is Karen. My other mom's name is Linda.
S: You have TWO moms? So how were you born?
Me: She was a miracle baby.
S goes on and on asking how that can happen. Then she says, "Did your mom take a pill?"
M: No, you take a pill to NOT have a baby.
S: Is that true?
Me: Yes (can hardly supress laughter)
D: Then I want to take it.

I was freakin dying I was laughing so hard.
hellotampon
I went to Bonnaroo this weekend and heard some real gems. There were some people that worked there that would ride horses up and down the main stretch of campsites. I'm not sure what they were for, but they were there. One guy came out of his campsite as she was riding by and said:

Guy: "Do you want to jump on our trampoline?"
Horsegirl: "Can my horse jump on it too?"

Guy consults his campmates for a second then turns back to Horsegirl: "Only his 2 front legs!"
mouse
one of l.a.'s weekly alterna-papers has a great article with some overhead gems in it this week here.

“Yeah, right. If you are going to have a threesome with Santa Claus, you’re going to want to do it in Albuquerque.”
txplumwine
This one came out of my own mouth: I was talking to my friend the Faerie King about how overwhelmed I've been feeling...swamped at work, piled at home, tons of issues I'm trying to work through. How it was all layering itself and getting bigger and bigger...but how at least part of it was my childish refusal to cope. So:

TXPW: ...and I finally figured out that I was just snowballing myself! I really didn't...

*long pause*

Um...that didn't really sound right, did it?

Fae K: *laughing* No, honey, I think you have to have a rib removed to do that successfully.
punkerplus
"Oh! Now you've made my minnie all sticky"

In a pub. From my 23 year old friend's mouth.
gumby_cc
A five year old boy said this to me today:


"Pink is the new blue for boys."

He was so serious, too.
battygurl
Vancouver has one too! www.overheardinvancouver.ca
Not as good as this one, obviously.
bunnyb
Heard today, I was in one changing room in a store and a mother and child were in the one adjacent:

child: mummy, why are you not wearing underwear?
mother: sssssh!
cellijenni
Conversation with a 2nd grader upon coming to school late and missing his first class:

Me: We missed you this morning, did you sleep late??

H: No, we're late because my mom is sick and my baby brother wouldn't get dressed this morning. I think I might get sick too.

Me: Well, that happens. Families tend to get sick at the same time.

H (sheepishly): Yeah, well I sleep with my mom sometimes so I think I'll get sick. But my dad will get sick first.

Me: Why's that?
H: He sleeps on top of my mom.

Nothing more to be said, just dropped jaw.
erinjane
Today at Target to a sales lady who was a little larger then I so I kind of felt bad asking her.

me: so do you have a petite section here?
her (confused look): umm...what do you mean?
me:...a section for women who are smaller, tiny...
her:...well...there's the plus size, and then those are for everyone else...
me:...k...thanks...


I'm from Canada and I have noticed there are NO petite stores here. My mom and I are both just under 5' tall and both quite slim, so we both found it odd, as even the wal-marts (shudder) in Canada have petite sections.
greenbean
QUOTE(erinjane @ Jul 22 2006, 02:11 AM) *

Today at Target to a sales lady who was a little larger then I so I kind of felt bad asking her.

me: so do you have a petite section here?
her (confused look): umm...what do you mean?
me:...a section for women who are smaller, tiny...
her:...well...there's the plus size, and then those are for everyone else...
me:...k...thanks...
I'm from Canada and I have noticed there are NO petite stores here. My mom and I are both just under 5' tall and both quite slim, so we both found it odd, as even the wal-marts (shudder) in Canada have petite sections.


(bit of a derail, but there are always petite stores/sections in areas where theres a large asian-american population, ..at least here in california,.. hope that helps! smile.gif)

This story is from my cousin, who works at a day-care.
My cousin had gone out the night before and had a hand stamp from a club.
At work the next day a little girl who talks in a sing song voice points to it and says:
"Is that a tattoo?"
cousin: "No. its a stamp mark"
girl: "Ohhh....my mo-om has a tattoooo"
cousin: "Oh really? What is it of?"
girl: "its a cro-own and says 'princess-ss'"
cousin "where is it?"
girl: "On her buuuns"
My cousin burst out laughing, and says she cant see that mom again without laughing.
bonchicfeministe
I worked at an elementary school during the spring, and got some doozies from the kiddos! Here's one of my favorites from a kindergarten boy, who I"ll call K, while we were talking to the firefighters for fire safety day:

Me: Hello, my friend K here woud like to ask you a question about the firetrucks.
K: Can the firetrucks put out a volcano? I like volcanos.
FireFighter: No, they can't do that. What else do you like besides volcanos, buddy?
K: I like intercourse.
FF and Myself look at each ohter in horror.

Me: Ummmm what did you just say K?

K: I like intercourse, it's so cool. You know like, the intercourse of the earth where it's all hot and firy.

Finally, after mentally revisiting 7th grade Earth Science, I realized that he meant the interCORE of the earth...with the molten lava, etc. Whew!
ginger_kitty
At work, a male coworker was talking about cheating on his wife:

"I would do her, but she is the kind of girl that would tell after I hit it. She is crazy anyway, she is always sending me pics of herself and text messages. I invited her to hang out with some friends but she wouldn't come b/c my wife was there....she is f*cking hot...but I don't want her to tell my wife.....

If I knew his wife, I would be very tempted to fill her in!
dusty
Petite is simply 5'2" and under. It has nothing to do with whether you're skinny or not. Except that its harder to find plus-size petites.
erinjane
That's why I was so surprised no one seemed to know what a petite was. It was bizarre...Most stores in Winnipeg at least have a petite section, and nearly every mall has a Laura Petites.
ms.gb
for some reason, i always find my way into the petite section...maybe cuz the clothes are soo cute. I feel really out of place and laugh simply cuz i'm 5'10" (nowhere near petite).

yesterday in class, two of the girls were talking about grooming. here are a few of the comments:

K: i have to have my man groomed
S: does he let you do it?
K: no i make him do it! i put wax all down his chest and did one big rip and he was crying in pain. (laughs)

later...

S: so, does he groom (point to nether regions) down there?
k: he better or there's nothing going on there (makes a face like she's hacking up a hairball) "haaaack!"

ah, the joys of school. laugh.gif
txplumwine
Please forgive my derailment: Hey Erin...don't know where you are at the moment, but yeah, Target does not seem to have a petite section at any location. It's opposite of my end of the scale in a couple of ways, but I have a cousin who is 4'10" and a US size 4, so I'm aware of some of the shopping options. If you're still in Canada, can't help - but if you're Stateside now, I might have some ideas that could be useful. You are welcome to PM me anytime. smile.gif

/off-topic
erinjane
Heh, thanks, but I came back home to Canada on Monday. I was only in the states for a week and managed to find some nice stuff at other stores. I spent waaaay too much at Urban Outfitters...I wish I wish we had one here.
pepper
hey, isn't there an urban outfitters in toronto? i'm pretty sure there was at least one there before i moved. yah, a Big one right on younge street and another one in the dufferin mall.
erinjane
Yeah, there's one in Toronto and Montreal, but a drive to Toronto is muuuuuch farther then a drive to Minneapolis. I live in Winnipeg and Toronto is about 27 hours from me, with very few towns in between...Minneapolis is only 8 hours. That's one of the worst drives across Canada for that reason...nowhere to even stop really once you get past Kenora.
pepper
meh, i took the bus from central bc to toronto with a two year old a couple of years ago. it's long and boring and i wouldn't want to do it again, even in my own car so i hear you. state-side it is then. or can you order online? that would be handy.

geez, we should be in the canadian thread with this. the kanucks are takin' over the lounge!
erinjane
Haha, well, i'm broke now anyways, but in the future I'm sure I'll use their website every so often. I'd never actually been in one before but a lot of their stuff was my style at not-too-staggering prices(although a few of those) with some interesting books and trinkets. Damn trips to the US stealing all my cash. tongue.gif
wombat
Overheard in Boston's North End at an Italian saint festival:

"Can you IMAGINE... eating an appetizer and THEN dinner?!"




My only possible interpretation is (at a place with giant portions).

Otherwise -- don't people always have an appetizer and then dinner?
erinjane
Haha, that's funny. Maybe they were thinking of appetizers as like a finger food at a party where no meal is served? That's all I could come up with.
gumby_cc
I jokingly told my class on friday that I had an evil twin. Then I said,
"Maybe I AM the evil twin!"
They kind of looked at me funny, but one of the five year old students said, "But you don't have an evil laugh, so you can't be the evil twin."
I love kids.
gumby_cc
Boyfriend: Baby you are my buried treasure.

Me: How am I buried?

Boyfriend: Under the psychological sand. I have to dig you out with my shovel of love.
pepper
ooh gumby, nice. post that one in here too http://www.bust.com/lounge/index.php?showtopic=39462.
txplumwine
Upon seeing a promo for Alton Brown's Feasting on Asphalt, wherein Alton described a hot dog split down the middle and stuffed with jalapeños and pastrami, GameBoy declared:

"More proof that Jesus loves me and wants me to eat pork."
kittenb
This was actually something that I said, but I said it loud before I realized what it sounded like: "Yes, you can buy my womb for the price of my student loans."
heylady
a human resources guy was talking to a group of other h.r. people at work on a cigarette break the other day...

"it seems like the 'in thing' now is to be androgynous. these teenagers walk around, and you can't tell the boys from the girls. my niece has been wearing these baggy pants...she's got short hair...all of her friends look like boys. when i was in school, the big thing was to look like a rocker chick. like pat benetar!"

later in the conversation...

"yeah, i'm not too into these performers coming to [local music festival] this year. my niece is going to see melissa ethridge on saturday, but i don't know anyone who bought tickets for the other shows."

um, dude...you work in human resources. how, exactly, did you get this job? aparently, it had nothing to do with your ability to weigh things out on a social scale.
treehugger
(bump)

Please don't let this thread die!! Even though I don't have a great one right now I want to read others! smile.gif
hellotampon
My boss' second-grade son just got a detention for saying, "Black people are stupid" and when the principal asked him why he said that he said, "Because I'm racist... just like my Dad!"

My boss was mortified when she heard about it. NE CT is very, very white, but there is one black kid who lives down the street. A few months ago my boss was checking her 14-yr-old daughter's cell phone messages and there was one from that kid threatening to "slit her throat." Her dad was pretty pissed about it and wouldn't stop talking about calling the police and stuff and the daughter was like, "Oh Dad you're just being racist!" Even though they had nothing against the kid until he left that horrid message.

It's disturbing, but also funny in the way that little kids take things out of context and how my boss is completely mortified that the school thinks she is raising her kids to be like that.
runningwestward
OMG blanche that is the funniest thing I've heard in a while.

Me: "poop is a good word too" (referring to the double p sound)
Triboy: "yeah... it's just upside down boob"

flanker_ji
My 19 year-old brother, on the phone with his best friend:

"Dude, can you tell me about the Norovirus after I finish breakfast?"


laugh.gif
mouse
when i went home for christmas, i found a whole bunch of sketchbook/journals i'd kept all through college, with a bunch of overheard gems in them. here are a few:

at a diner:
"are you serious....lambskin babies!?"

man in grocery store:
"maybe i'll buy a jar of molasses and put it in the freezer."

teacher to student:
"you can't be reincarnated--we're both still alive!"

little boy eating dim sum with father in chinese restaurant:
boy, holding up piece of mystery meat: "daddy what's this?"
dad: "oh, it's just a different kind of hot dog"
boy, holding up different piece of meat: "what's this one?"
dad: "another different kind of hot dog"

at boston university:
"i don't consort with any birkenstock-wearers!"

in the bathroom at a club during a red sox game:
"i just heard someone say somebody got a home run and it's sooo funny because they could be talking about either BASEBALL or SEX because both of those things are going on right now!"

gallery in chelsea:
"fuck art, let's raise puppies!"
flanker_ji
A table of young Christian guys (just out of high school, I think) behind me at a coffee shop:

Christian 1: Some people like, go on honeymoons as a group. Like, they want to go with a bunch of people...

Christian 2: Christians??

Christian 1: No, just people.
gumby_cc
A second grader (who just moved to China last week) was talking to his friend's mother, who is an astronomer and college prof...

Boy: So, are you sure that the sun will explode?
Mom: Yes, it's a star and that's what happens to stars after a long time....
Boy: Are you sure?
Mom: Yes, we're sure, but don't get sad because it's not going to happen for a long, long time.
(turns to me) children just don't get the concept of billions and billions of years....
Boy: Will America die out?
Mom: Oh yes, it will.
Boy: Will China?
Mom: Yes, but China will die out way before then because of famine and wars and disease.
Boy (thinking): I don't like you.
exit.

raisingirl
Walking past a new employee's office:

"The feng shui in this room is all wrong."

It was said in a serious tone of voice, too. blink.gif
mouse
bahahah. raisin, i'm derailing the thread here but i've got a related anecdote---and i'm betting they WERE serious.

the owner of my company, and many of the employees, are chinese. we just moved into a new office building. the owner paid some crapload of money to get the whole place all "feng shui" before we could move in. this includes:
--entirely new carpet because the old carpet was not the right color.
--we can only face certain directions in our cubicles, therefore space is used very inefficiently
--we can only walk certain directions, so although my coworker is in the cubicle next to me, it is impossible for me to walk over to her without going around the entire set of cubicles.
--we can only open doors facing south or east, therefore all the other doors are either taken entirely off the hinges so they are just a doorway and not a door, locked, or have signs that say "do not open--bad luck" on them. i'm not kidding, they really say that. this also means that to get next door you have to walk all the way around the building.

and the best part:
--in the owner's office, he HAD BUILT a glass-walled fishbowl/room about four feet smaller than the original room with a door opposite the actual room's door, in order for him to be able to enter his office from the correct direction.
raisingirl
OH MY GOSH, MOUSE! Do not open, bad luck. Wow, that's pretty hardcore. I'm laughing so much here. I know some people take this stuff seriously, but I had no idea. I mean, I used to have a Chinese boss who didn't do anything FS-esque in the least. You mean to tell me you have this kind of setup at your office and you're not posting more overheard words in this thread?! Or maybe everyone's used to it by now. I'm blown away. Are there rules for how and where you have lunch? What about the bathrooms?!
mouse
QUOTE(raisingirl @ Jan 29 2007, 02:48 PM) *

You mean to tell me you have this kind of setup at your office and you're not posting more overheard words in this thread?!


heh.....i would, but most of what i overhear is in chinese tongue.gif

we don't have any rules as to behavior, it's more just very inconvenient furniture and entrances.
bunnyb
you can only walk in certain directions? whoa.

friend: "don't do what I did (on my driving test), I gave way to a duck."
mouse
QUOTE(bunnyb @ Jan 29 2007, 03:36 PM) *

you can only walk in certain directions?



only because there's furniture in the way--we aren't explicitly prohibited to do anything (except open certain doors).

does your friend think she should have run the duck over then?
mornington
ok, my mind just exploded. but i do want a sign saying "do not open, bad luck" on my front door now.

Girly 1: "Come into college, I want to feel you up and so does Girly 2." cue several confused stares and the next rumour about our sexuality...

Me: Girly 1, darling, will you be my ass inspector for the day?


bunny... pfft.


bunnyb
no, she was quite shocked by examiner's reaction "so, miss ... next time you won't give way to a duck"; I think he expected her to drive around, I hope so anyway. the comment was funny as it was so out of left field; maybe it's just my humour.
dusty
or have signs that say "do not open--bad luck" on them.

I want a sign like that on *my* office door.
mouse
i think its funny, too, bunny smile.gif
tyger
nerdy guys on bus

guy 1: So you pick a movie like "Wrath of Khan"...
guys 2&3: That's an awesome movie!
guy 1: That's what you think, because it is. But you're watching it with a girl, right? And the girl will get bored...

i can only guess they were plotting to get some action

me and my friends in the cafeteria: reading out lists of names to call our vaginas (ducky doolittle's list of 264, actually). Loudly. While discussing how gross some are/what makes some of them icky. And then (still loudly) declaring we're 'bringing panty hamster and bunny hutch back into usage, bitch!'
gumby_cc
Well, I said this, didn't overhear it, but whatever. My boyfriend asked me yesterday if I thought he was not romantic, so I reminded him of the conversation we had at the beginning of the week

Boyfriend: Lets go engagement ring shopping together!
Me: (looking at him incredously)
Boyfriend: I'm fucking serious!
Me: Uh, if you really want to.
Boyfriend: Ok. (silent for a minute) How long do you think it will take?

kittenb
tyger - I just have to say that I have seen Wrath of Khan many times and I never get bored about how hott Khan looks. But then, I am an enormous geek.
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