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ilovecoffee
thanks. i had a counsling meeting today and it was alright. kinda introductory. tomorrow i have an appointment with the health center to maybe talk about medications, and to fill out forms. i'm kinda excited. Thanks for your support starpiste and maddy29, it was greatly needed and accepted. councelling with your mom sounds pretty tough, but healthy.
i was very anti-meds too, but now i realize my way doesn't work, and they are really going to help.
"I totally understand this. It's made me pretty insecure recently despite many strides I've made in the last 6 months." good to hear. glad to meet people that understand it.
I go to Chico state and it has seemed like everyone is a carbon copy of everyone else, and the music scene is next to nothing. Hazards of living in a small conservative town, i guess.
i guess now, i have hope for what is going to happen. feels awsome.
maddy29
Great job ilovecoffee!!! I'm really happy that you went in for treatment. Even if you don't like your therapist,you can get a different one. If you don't like your meds, you can try a different one.

I'm so glad that you are feeling hopeful. Meds made a huge difference for me, although I still struggle with depression a lot. At least now I can get out of bed, have some friends and social interaction, etc. And I have a LOT of good days now, which I really never had before meds.

Keep us updated on how things are going, this is a huge step and even though it's a good thing it can be stressful too.
starpiste
ilovecoffee, how'd it go with the doctor?
I made it really clear to my doctor that I wanted meds to be short term (1 year or so) if I could and she was supportive in that. It made me feel better about starting them all together.
candycane_girl
ilovecoffee, good for you for taking the first step to getting counselling.

I haven't been in this thread for a while, how is everybody? I've been alright but I had a really draining session last week. Like, I still felt tired the next day just because I went through so much talking to my psychologist. But I'm glad because she's so helpful and I know that I'll have to work through the tough things before things get better.

Anyway, I hope you're all doing alright.
light_bright
Im just curious, and I hope this doesnt sound like im trying to be funny or stupid, but what things are you guys "depressed" about, and how do you know if you are depressed? I say this in a way seeking knowledge and understanding...I hope the way I phrased it is not read negativly...
lucizoe
*sort of unlurking - haven't posted in here in forever*

light_bright, my depression is actually just a part of my personality. I've always had it, ever since I was tiny, I'm always going to have it. It manifests itself mostly through my physical body just literally slowing down. Everything is harder, everything is foggy - like my entire body is depressed and it is, at times, a battle just to move.

Mentally and emotionally I tend to have anxiety issues too, and that feeds into it. In my case, there is no one thing I am depressed about. My particularly brain, if I don't work-out regularly and eat certain foods, likes to rebel against me and just make everything harder. It's also like I was born without any self-esteem at all. I never think I'm good enough for anything, which can make fighting this off with diet and exercise extra difficult.

Some people have great success with medication; I never found a satisfactory pharmacological route, for me, so I deal with it this way instead. I do have a small prescription for tranquilizers for my occasional panic attacks and I'm grateful for those. Oh, boy am I.

It's a very difficult thing to explain, but I didn't read your question as negative...
kjhink
lightbright, I'm sort of with lucizoe. I'm not depressed about something; it's not one thing that gets me down. I'm just down all the time about everything or nothing at all.

When I'm really depressed, I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to interact with people. I don't WANT anything, except to be left alone to sleep the time away. Add to that the fact that any minor setbacks just lay me to waste. Friend cancelled our evening plans? Hours on the verge of tears. Brunch with the boyfriend's family? Gotta talk myself through it so that I don't just freak out. Real problem? Forget it.

I've been on meds before, and they worked for me. I got off of them for awhile to see if I could; to see if the positive changes I'd made in my life had altered my situation enough to make me not need them. The answer, it appears, is no. I'm going to the doctor next week to get on meds again.

I'm lucky, as I've found meds that worked for me without any noticeable side effects. I can't handle not being able take life's little challenges any more, and I need more energy than this.

I found, for me at least, that medication just raises the floor. I still have "normal" mood swings, I still get happy and sad and whatnot, but it raises the floor on the sadness. Meds for me bring perspective back into the mix, something I sorely lack when depressed.

I don't think your question was negative, either. I read it as you trying to understand what it was like. That said, I could describe it all day long, and would be happy to do so ;), but I don't know if I could make anyone understand.

That sense of isolation is part of it all, too.
cstars124
I don't think there was one specific event that made me depressed. I really think it's genetic because at least a dozen other people on my mother's side of the family suffer from or have suffered from depression. I kinda remember just being a senior in high school and finding it VERY difficult to go to school in the morning, and hang out with friends at night. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had no energy and I was really weepy. It was awful. It lasted days, and weeks. And nothing would make it better. I lost interest in everything that used to make me happy, I didn't care about anyone/anything. I was horrible to my parents, my family, my friends. Ugh...luckily, medication helps soooo much. I've been taking them for maybe 4/5 years, but without them, i honestly probably would not be here.

So, in essence, it very rarely is just ONE thing that makes someone depressed. It's a combination of everything.
midgemcgrath
can i maybe suggest that when people have "chronic" depression, it is a more general feeling of depression, and not being depressed about one thing... people without chronic depression can get bouts of short term depression, and those are more often about something specific, like a death in the family, illness, job problems, relationship problems, etc. and often once the issue passes, the depression will subside.

since most of the peeps on this thread are on the more chronic side, it is likely that there is a lot of general depression, and probably only a few that can actually pinpoint the source.

does that sit with the rest of you?
p_176
i seem to be in a bit of a funk about having HPV...i feel like i can never date or have sex or get married (i'm engaged, but told my fiance that we should not get married anymore, and that he needs to find someone else who is not sick)...i'm not going to tell my family, but i know that if i have to have a more serious surgery (i've had a few in the past few years) where i'll be off my feet for a month, then i have to tell them - can't make but so many excuses to miss family dinner)....what's weird is the fact that if someone else comes to me for advise or a listening ear re: HPV, or anything else, i give really good advice. I just can't seem to take it for myself....i feel like i am going to be alone forever...help..
starpiste
I agree what everyone's saying about "being drepressed". It's a feeling that just can't be shook or explained. That's what makes it so frustrating sometimes. It feels really irrational to me but I had to learn that it's not.

p_176: have you taked to your doctor about how you're feeling? It might be a reaction that they've seen before and might have some tips or can refer you to someone to talk to.

oh, I have my first councelling session tomorrow that's a joint session with my mom. I'm really nervous about it to the point where I'm avoiding making plans for the weekend in case I'm that thrown off by it.
deirs
ditto on what a lot of other people have said: I'm just depressed, no real reason whatsoever. Well, maybe its genetics or something, you know. I can't pin-point it to any one event or anything, I've actually had a pretty good life, and have no reason to be unhappy. I just am.

I do have a question though, for people on meds. I've found that my meds (Paxil CR, 25mg) really do help with the unhappiness. But, I have no energy. I know that part of it is the meds, they make me tired, but I really feel like I'm going through life in a fog some days (those are usually my bad days though). But I can't be taking a nap everyday and sleeping 9 or more hours a night. It's ok now, as I'm in my last semester of college, but I'm going to start work soon. I know I won't have time for naps. And I need more energy. So, anyways, I'm wondering if I should try new meds, or what. Does anyone have any advice or anything for me? I am goign to see my doctor next week, so I will talk to her about it, but I just wanted to talk to some people who have experience with this stuff.

(((((starpiste))))) big hug for you girl, and good luck with your councilling session. I have a hard enough time at sessions by myself, I don't know if I could handle having my mum there.
kjhink
deirs, I suggest you talk to your doc. A lot of people tolerate different meds differently. Paxil might not be the best fit for you. I was on Lexapro, and intend to return to Celexa (its predecessor) because I'm not doing too well. I didn't experience those types of side-effects.

Talk to your doc. The switch might be a little rocky, but if you can find something with fewer side-effects, it might be worth it in the long run.
candycane_girl
deirs, you should talk to your doctor or a pharmacist about your lack of energy. I've been on Paxil (20mg) for about a month now and the first thing I noticed was that I would have major spikes and then lows of energy. It's gotten a bit more normal but there are definitely some days where I just feel worn out. But the one thing that I appreciate is that at least now when I'm tired it feels like genuine tiredness, not the tired feeling that comes from being depressed. Do you ladies know what I mean?

starpiste, I think it was a smart idea for you not to make any plans for this weekend. Last weekend I had an incredibly tough session with my psychologits. I mean, it was really helpful but I had my session on a Saturday and felt completely drained all the way until Monday.

light_bright, as others said, I don't think there's one concrete cause of my depression. I know that one part of it is the fact that my dad is an alcoholic and that has had a huge effect on me. Also, I've only dealt with depression on and off for the last 9 years. Sometimes I could go a very long time without feeling truly depressed but then it would come back full force. It's hard to say if certain events bring it on or what, because personally I noticed that it seems to come on when I'm in stressful situations or when I'm just feeling like I can't depend on anyone in my life. Anyway, I don't know if that really answers your question but I hope I helped.
deirs
thanks for the advice busties, I definitely need to talk to my doctor about it. Paxil is the only thing I've been on, so maybe it's jjust not the right one for me. It is definitely a different tiredness than the depression tiredness though, like you mentioned candycane_girl.

Also think I should get tested for anemia, that may be part of the problem too. I'll mention both to my doctor, and see what she says.
lucizoe
(((p_176)))

I wish I had something more concrete to offer you...but I read what you wrote in the HPV thread and then I saw you here and your hurt is almost palpable. Unfortunately, I have no advice at all, just hugs...

(((p_176))) I hope you feel better soon
starpiste
I was doing well until yesterday when something tiny and otherwise insignificant brought me down. Now I feel like crap.

How's everyone else doing?
lawyergirl
hey, p176,
sweet girlie,
i cannot even begin to tell you how very many girlfriends i have, that have struggled with the hpv thing, just like you.....hon, do not worry.......get into your gyno, and get treatment. (it is curable!) most girls i know, got treatment 1 time, and were, of course, more careful in the future, and they never had the hpv appear again.
you are not doomed my babydoll.......
much, much love to you, sweetie xoxoxoxoxox
p_176
hey busties
<sigh> where to start? first, the hpv thing seems to be a little better - i don't have to have a cone biopsy (which is nice since that means i don't have precancer, and i don't have to take off a month of work)...i still have to have a minor laser surgery but should only be off my feet for a few days (thanks to wonderful topical anesthetics and percocet)...as for my fiance...i am discovering that i am annoyed with him for many other reasons (and now i am wondering if i stayed with him because i love him or because i don't think i can get anyone else)....i hated dating when i was single - i was good at dating, but it still seemed to be a waste of energy....but anyways my fiance and i are having trouble - lack of communication because each thinks the other person does not think it's importnat, and well, sex has always been a problem...any ideas of how to handle this?
wilhelminawonka
Hi guys.
I have battled with depression pretty much my whole life. For the past year I have been off the meds and have felt wonderful. Well, lately I've started to feel it creeping back. Just the idea of it is making me feel worse.
I want to talk to it about my husband, who can tell, but I don't even know what to say. I don't want to admit that I can feel it happening, because I don't want it to happen. I think, maybe if I don't admit it, I'll be fine. This sucks. I should just talk to the hubby about it, but then, I don't even know what to say.
midgemcgrath
wil-

so sorry to hear that, but it's brave of you to admit it an ask for help... my only suggestion really is that if you can feel it coming back and tackle it head on before things get worse, maybe it will be easier to tackle. rather than waiting to see if things get worse. nip it in the bud, you know?
candycane_girl
wil, I know it's hard to actually come out and say that you're feeling depressed but it's better to just say something so that you can start to get help again. Trust me, I tried to ignore the depressed feeling I was getting but it finally became too much. Please, don't let it go that far before you get help.
onepingonly
I just wanted to ask if anyone here has taken Paxil and NOT had the sexual side effects? And how does it ususally affect you for the first few days? My ship's doc just put me on Paxil (no option to refuse treatment). I just want to know a general idea of what to expect before I start taking them... Thanks...
swedishchick
Just jumping in to say hi to everyone! Haven't been here for a while, which unfortunately doesn't mean everything's fine... Started to take new meds today, Edronax. Anyone have any experience on that?

Hugs to all!
p_176
hello!
i just wanted to say thanks for listening - i reread some of my posts, and i realize i sound really whiny. i realize now that it's not as big a deal as i was making, and that i'm glad this forum is here.
candycane_girl
onepingonly, I'm on paxil and for the first month or so it felt like my sex drive had completely disappeared. However, now that I'm in my second month it feels like my sex drive has come back and everything is normal again. I hope that helps!
crazylady
Can depression also make you irregular with your periods? I'm also bi-polar..have been for 8 years or so *sigh*.
cloverbee
onepingonly, I took paxil for a few months and it was a not a good drug for me. I felt like a freaking zombie (no personality, no feelings whatsoever). I had no sex drive and so I quit it cold turkey which I do NOT recommend. I have noticed that paxil has a LOT of potential side effects as far as AD's go.
BTW, if anyone wants to talk about Effexor some more I'm movin' this party on over from the health food thread!! woo hoo!!!
cstars124
i saw that you moved it over here so i followed ya!

but i have a question for you...do you think you gained any weight from taking effexor? I think i might have cause i know one of the side effects of the medication is feeling less full after eating...have you noticed that?
cloverbee
yes. I gained about 15 pounds. keep in mind that I was 120 lbs. for many many years and now I am 136. it could be that my metabolism has slowed down after a few years but it could also be the Effexor. and I do eat a lot more since I've been on it. I remember before taking it that I would get slightly nauseous when too full but now I hardly ever get that. I haven't heard of that side effect, though.
maddy29
i think i had that with celexa-that full feeling after eating only a bit. That's gone away completely now though. i've had a couple of bad/scary reactions when i took celexa on a mostly empty stomach except for wine. i was seeing stars, flashing lights, weird stuff. i had that again one time when I took them about 4 hours too early. these are powerful drugs!

still, for me the side effects are nothing compared with how much they help me with depression.
awkwardg1rl
man, i'm a wreak- 1 yr anniversary of breaking up/ dumping him (10yrs) & hs band's in all the papers i'm in sob city over a student employee who killed himself a few months ago (my age), plus another just died from cancer

meow
awkwardg1rl
pardon me, "wreck"
awkwardg1rl
oh, yeah, plus pms & depression- well, off to buy some substance to abuse (smokes; *sigh*)
maddy29
hugs to you, awkwardq1rl :-) sometimes it's great to just take some time off to grieve, moan, cry, veg, whatever. That's a lot of stuff all at once to have to deal with.
mel
I was hoping the depression would go away for a little longer than it has...I had some crushes that distracted me, lots of work to get done, and invitations to events that kept me aloft for a while. The minute things calm down a little, which is what I long for when all is hectic, I find it impossible to enjoy because the depression creeps back in.

Tied into all this is a terrible case of insomnia, and gaining 10lbs (not fitting any clothes and was already pushing the edge of height weight proportionate to begin with). I do exercise, though I guess it could be more. I did go to therapy but gave it up when I felt I had reached a long plateau and really couldn't afford it.

Depression runs in my family. I had it for a while in 2000, but shook it until a loved ones death in 04 and a break-up in 05 brought it back. The problem this time around is that I'm older, less hopeful in general, and much more cynical about the world to fight the good fight. Have tried var. anti-depressants and am currently on Prozac, which seems to have lost much of its effectiveness. I think I may be one of the very few women in Bust lounge who is pushing 40. That realization actually added to my depression because I realized that as in so many other areas of life, I am now developmentally delayed. Was a prodigy until about 25, then everyone caught up and passed me. Just venting (and, as someone said, whining) because I feel very alone and constantly on the verge of tears and not sure where to turn now.
gigikinks
Does anyone here have depression that's related to social anxiety. Cause that's FUN in a "too scared to call ur best friend b/c of irrational fear of rejection and instead lie in bed crying" kind of way. i'd love to hear from someone who has gone through that or is going through that.
candycane_girl
Hey, I haven't been in here for a while so I just thought I'd pop in and say hello.

Today was definitely a rough day. I went to my old psychiatrist for an assessment to see if Paxil is the right medication for me to be on. I also learned that I might just have an eating disorder (I'm a compulsive overeater) so yeah, that was fun. I keep trying to think of a reason behind my eating but I honestly can't think of why. I know I'll get it all worked out eventually but it's been a tough day, realizing just how much of an effect my eating has had on me. I guess maybe this should be in the eating disorders thread, but it's just that my overeating is linked to my depression, so y'know.

Anyway, I hope you're all doing alright.
cstars124
hey gigi: i think i might have had a little touch of social anxiety. I was ok with maybe just one of my friends at a time, but if we all hung out together, I'd get in a really bad mood, and I wouldn't feel right, and just not talk. And I HATED being in their company. It was very odd and I never really understood what it was.

When i was put on effexor, I started to come out of my shell more, and I got over that. And I always thought that it could have been because I started to be less depressed, thus more outgoing...but I recently found out that effexor is also used to treat social anxiety, and I think it helped ALOT.

Hopefully, that helps somewhat...
yummymum
Alright, I'm posting this here because I dont know where else to post it. But I guess I'm just looking for thoughts and opinions on a friends delima.

A few months ago, a guy friend of mine told me he and his brother had been molested by his cousin as a child. He was 8or9 and the cousin was upper teens. It was basically just swept under the rug at the time by his mom and family. Since then he and his brother have both had drug and alcohol issues. Just basically every problem you could imagine. A few years ago, his brother blew his head off after getting pulled over on what would have been his 3rd DUI. My friend has never dealt with any of these issues - the molestation, the suicide, the drug use. He is not currently using, but is subsituting with alcohol. He just got his 2nd DUI, lost his license, and is going through some serious things in his personal life. He says that he cannot afford a copay that he would need to pay if he went to therapy. Let's face it. The guy needs therapy. He has deep rooted issues from his childhood to deal with. But his hands are tied financially. So he asked his mom for help. She said she would help him with the copays so he can get the help he needs, then she recanted and said that she would only get him an appt with his family dr so that he could be put on lexapro. First of all- why is she diagnosing his need for drugs? I'm not saying he doesnt. But typically antidepressants are for people who have a chemical depression. I understand all of that, and he may need it. But he really does need to talk about some of these past issues, which I believe are responsible for most of his current problems.

He's at a breaking point. I'm basically his only support, as I am the only person he has ever told about the molestation. He wont talk to anyone else about it. What do you do for a person like this? He doesnt have the money to get the help he needs. And I'm worried that he may end up committing suicide like his brother some day. I'm pissed at his family for not addressing things when they should have been addressed. I'm mad at his mom for trying to control his actions now. It's very sad. All of it. What can a friend do to help????

As an afterthought.... I feel the need to say that it infuriates me that his cousin did not have to pay for what he did to those boys. Damn. I see him sometimes and want to rip his head off. Why wouldnt a parent flip their lid and press charges or something? Unbelievable!
midgemcgrath
mel--i see no one replied to you! i don't really have anything helpful to say either, but wanted to send some *big hugs* anyway.

yummymum--i don't really know how stuff like this works, but is there no organization/system that would support a free visit to a psychologist? i would do a little searching on the net to see if there's anything like that in your area.
tatiana
Yummymum, this kind of thing comes up all the time on The Vine at TomatoNation.com. Anyway, a week or so back a reader send in this URL http://211.org (United Way) for someone in the same situation (they desperately needed therapy but could not pay at all). They said that it had worked for them and that they help you find someone.

Maybe this would work for your guy friend?
maddy29
yummymum,

Wow, this is a really stressful thing. First thing, depending on where you live, there may be an assault crisis center or something like that where he could get free treatment. I'd look in the phone book and see.

Does he have insurance, but just can't pay the copay? Most therapists will work out a payment plan. How much is his copay?

He definitely needs therapy. Sometimes there are also free groups run at centers that he could join. I think it's tough because he's male. I'd check out a couple of books that are specifically written for male survivors of sexual abuse-there are specific issues. I'll try to find one and post it.

Can he go to rehab for 30 days? He wouldn't have copays, and he'd be safe for a month. He'd have support and a therapist.

meds may really help him. i was sexually abused, and meds have helped me feel ok enough to make the changes i need to make in my life. the whole "is depression chemical or not" isn't something anyone really knows, at this point. all we know is that for some people, meds can have a huge impact.

Would he be willing to go in for an intake? Part of me is wondering if he's using the copay thing as an excuse, because he's scared to go talk about it. which, is totally understandable! How much do you know about his finances?

If he can get in to see someone for a few times, possibly he could go back to his mom and see if she'll help out. yeah, i'd like to throw a chair at his family for being so dumb. but, unfortunately, he's the one who will have to make a big stink to wake his family the fuck up.

ok, i'm rambling, but i'll try to find some male survivor resources. Does he have access to a computer? there is a great forum with tooons of message boards for trauma survivors, and it's very well moderated-no trolls.

make sure you take care of yourself. don't take this all on for him. you can't rescue him or save him. you have to keep yourself healthy and strong or you won't be any help. just a reminder-i'm a total caretaker-type, and i just end up getting burnt out and no use to anyone.
thaid
My roommate is considering going off medication. She is diagnosed with bipolar (type II?) and has been suffering with depression since she was 15 or so (she is 20). I believe she is on a lower dose of prozac now, mostly to prevent panic attacks. We had a long talk last night, and she feels that she doesn't want to be medication for life. Because she is really happy now and doing well, she feels this would be a good time to ease off the meds. She is, of course, planning to do it under her doctor and therapists guidance. However, as her friend, I was wondering if you girls have any advice that I can pass on to her during this transition, or in what ways I can be supportive of her decision and what to expect (I know it's different for everyone). I've heard also that there are various other more natural things that can be done instead to regulate this (like vitamins?); does anyone know of anything that could help? Thanks a bunch ladies!
cloverbee
the B vitamins are good for depression. I would suggest that she monitor her own thoughts and behaviors. It's easy to get caught up in a depressed mood if you do not recognize it as a fleeting mood. she may want to begin walking every day to boost her dopamine levels. otherwise, if she has manic episodes I would recommend going back on the meds. hope that helps.
suffering
I have been diagnosed with bipolar type II as well. I take empower+ ( a vitamin mineral supplement) and it works really well for my mood, especially depression (www.truehope.com). Hope this info. helps your friend. I used to take meds too but couldn't stand the side-effects and they never even really helped my mood.
ilovethefword
When we feel good-after the medication takes affect- then is the time to NOT go off your meds!

I have tried it several times now-
I take my Cymbalta, I feel really good about myself and my life and then I have the idea that now is the time to get off the meds- because I feel so good I KNOW I am cured!
But, unfortunatly, after I get off the meds the same horrible vast desert of depression comes back.
So now as I have gotten older I am forced to realize I NEED the meds- and I have to ACCEPT the meds as the thing that keeps me functioning and not sitting at the bottom of a very barren land.
This is a truth for me, may not work for you.
datagirl
They say that one of the symptoms of depression is feeling depressed for 2 weeks or more.For me I get deeply depressed for about 1-2 days at a time.The next day I may feel ok.Then I find that it returns a couple of days later.Today however is very bad. Im entertaining ideas about self harm again.Its scary,but i feel like it's all i've got at the moment.I don't meet all the symptoms,but feelings of having no future and hopelesness are strong.Every morning that I wake up I have feelings of dread in coming to work.Although I only work part-time and it's not a corporate environment.I dont feel like I have a right to be depressed and this thought is the most depressing of all.
samiam
Datagirl -- You could be rapid cycling (bipolar) or have a thyroid disorder.

I am trying to get off of the monster seds that I have been on for a couple of years, and I thibnk that I am gaining weight because of it. Fuck. I have run three times this week, and today I went on a 2 hour mountain bike ride. I eat fairly well, but not always perfect. Arghh.
samiam
seds = meds
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