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hummingbird
I live with a recurring saddness...it comes...it goes...it comes...it goes...it's here now...
crazyoldcatlady
(i know exactly what you mean, hummingbird...)
mel
Does anyone else find depression is tripped off by money problems? It seems like when the bank account is sufficiently full, I can deal with the sad things that have happened. When this worry is added to the mix, everything seems worse. I'm on my own with no back-up emergency financial resources and I work for myself. So I guess it is living with the unknown so much that is part of it.
cstars124
I forgot to take my meds the other day and I was sooo mad at myself cause I'm usually really good about things like that. But I was in an excellent mood for the entire day, just kinda out of it, and I thought it had to do with the fact that I had only gotten 3 hours of sleep the night before, so I didn't think anything of it.

Later on in the night, when I'm assuming, the drug was completely out of my system, I became EXTREMELY anxious and I didn't know why. I left my parent's house with barely saying goodbye, and got on the road to bring my friend home and just broke down and started sobbing. It was then that I remembered I didn't take my meds and started crying even more.

Isn't it insane to think that a little pill can have such an effect on our moods?
humanist77
mel, that is very likely! money is such a source of stress.

datagirl-I feel that I'm going through something similar. sometimes it changes daily, or even within the day. There are so many reasons this could be happening that it's hard to explain to anyone exactly why this is happening to me. Most of it is stress, for sure.

This morning at work I felt like I was going to crack and fall apart. There was nothing I wanted to do more than leave-leave work, leave people, leave my life. But I couldn't. So I took some time to stretch my whole body really well and I felt a lot better after that. I never realized how much stretching can affect my mood..I think it's really time for me to start daily yoga. I usually only stretch when I need it physically, but if I tried doing it when I feel mentally shitty it could help.
samiam
Dying here. Trying to get off of meds and I am finally down to about a quarter of what I was taking, but my mood is falling off the charts. I am so negative that my roomate is even annoyed. Argh. I am withdrawing and the psychiatrist won't return my call. Am I that annoying? All I get is his answering service and he calls back and says that I am not his patient. I have been seeing him for 2 years! The counseling center hasn't called back either. Not feeling good about this. Am I crazy because I believe that i am depressed? Or am I depressed because I am crazy? WHat do I do?
starpiste
samiam, I want to give you a big hug!
From talking with my doctor about how to start going off my meds when I'm ready I'd up your meds by a quarter and stick with that for a while, hopefully by the time you know if that helps or not you find a professional to give you some more advice.

Also, my personal "widthrawing tip" because I'm doing it a lot right now, id to go out a lot and do new things with yourself. I'm really not into groups these days and I'm feeling really distant from friends, but I really find going out on my own helps to keep me feeling stimulated without the pressure of other people.
samiam
I don't want to increase the meds again because of the side effects. On the meds I am passing out all the time, and on them I get really sick when I forget to take one on time. Weaning off has been such hard work! I don't want to lose any ground. I thought that the psychiatrist might be able to give me something else to help, even though I am not that excited about taking anything right now.

Today I survived seven hours in a car and a bridal shower in the middle of nowhere. Leaving the house for any reason right now sounds very unappealing. But you're right, Star, doing things alone is a good idea. Sometimes I go to the movies, hike, run, go to the library. Tomorrow...
starpiste
That's awful that the side affects are that bad and I completely understand why you wouldn't waant to go back on them.

I'm currently trying to survive the "12 hour" party my housemate is having for her birthday. It's been four hours so far and not many people have arrived yet which is good for me. I kind of hope not many people show up just so I can sleep peacefully and not feel like I'm being super anti-social wven though that's exactly what I'm doing. blah.
halcyon
I'm currently on day 3 of cold-turkey cymbalta withdrawal. I ran out of the meds and my appointment to switch to another one is this evening, so I thought I could just deal till then. omg I hate this. dizzy, crying, funny headache and itchy legs. has anyone gone through this, maybe have some advice on how to ease it? I don't have high hopes for my psychitarist being very sympathetic today...he's one of *those*. (which is why after this switch I'm looking for a new one)

how ya doing, samiam?
samiam
I don't know about Cymbalta, but I do know side effects. I am so sorry, is it any better now? Today I was so spacy in the grocery store that I forgot how to speak. I kid you not, someone said something to me and I looked at them like I was mute. Getting off of meds sucks. I just hope this creeping suicidality is just the meds, not really me again. Fuck.
halcyon
Samiam, which med are you getting off of? I had that same sort of spaceyness combined with erratic mood, but this week my doc put me on a low Prozac dose to help taper off, and it's nipped a lot of the unpleasant effects. Might something like that work for you? I used it to taper off Zoloft a few years ago, too, and the longer half-life really did ease the discontinuation.

Have you mentioned the suicidality to your psych? I noticed that, during the occasional low points, cymbalta made me want to hurt myself more than I normally would have (normally not at all). Take care of yourself!
TONIN
ok bec im new and im trying to get involved... i dont know the whole story of everthing going on here cus there are too many posts to read but yes depression!!! i took welbutrin sr for some time, im not on it anymore and it really opened up my mind and allowed me to look at myself from the outside. i can now call all my actions and i am aware of all my thoughts and am able to try and calculate what is causing them. this also came with ALOT of therapy. reasons for my depression can be not enough exercise, poor diet (omega fats and vit b's are key), also money, but you have to keep in kind with money, we are always going to have issues there so.... try to forget about it. and life is always going to be stressfull you have to think of how to relax and focus on the positive. i know easier said then done but... force yourself sometimes, and sometimes its ok to sit on the couch eat a whole thing of ben and jerrys but NEVER to physically hurt yourself, ive been there too, but its really not worth it. the one thing that really helps me that took me a long time to learn is YOU CANT CHANGE ANYONE ONLY YOURSELF thus do it cus you can. its easy to say this now cus im in a positive mood but.... help is out there and you can come to a medium, also keep track of your mestrul cycles that has ALOT to do with it too... im not on any meds now cus i dont feel i need them but i try to avoid them as much as possible cus, we are just guinepigs in the drug world, they can help though, but long term sideeffects??? who knows??
samiam
I am trying to get off of Effexor XR. A new side effect of this wonder drug is homicidality! Supposedly Andrea Yates (who drowned her five young children in a bathtub for Jesus a few years ago, for those of you outside the states,) was on Effexor when she did it, and it is part of her defense that the drug caused the actions. Yikes! Although, if I kill one of my students, can I claim side effect? I am kidding, don't worry.

The suicidality is not really a plan, it's more like I want the lightning storm to kill me, or I am driving a little more recklessly because I just don't care. There is a fundraising effort going on aroundhere for suicide prevention, and every time I read a new story about a family mourning their loved one, I feel like they are the selfish ones. The dead person was in pain, he or she made a decision when there were no more decisions to be made. I understand that.
bonchicfeministe
Hey everyone.

I used to come on here all the time, but have been MIA for quite some time...love being back though!

Samian, be careful. I take citalipram (a form of Celexia) and tried going off of it about two months ago. I have been on a few different anti-depresseents over the past two years for stress and dysthemia (a low grade depression), but never had any side effects comeing off of Prozac or Zoloft. Wth tIt was hands down the worst, most terrifying experience of my life. I was ok the first few days, but by the third day, I had become this out of control person. I had no idea who this person who had taken over my body was. I scared teh shit out of myself with my feelings, the violence I felt...but let me elaborate.

I felt much like you did--not caring about my driving, wishing a truck would hit me, not actively trying to take my life, but sort of hoping that some accident would happen. I remember I was waiting to get a test back from teh doctor and hoping it would be bad news so that I could just give up. I wanted to drive mycar into a tree so badly, and only sheer willpower could keep me from doing it. Scary, eh?

Though that aspect was terrifying, the worst part was the uncontrollable rage and violence I felt. For over a week I was in a state of RAGE with a capitale R. Never have I ever felt something like that before. I wasn't upset over anything in particular, it was just a stae of mind, a state of being on edge. I had urges to harm others. I didn't try to or anything, but I felt so much violence that I can easily see how something like that might have happened or how I might have done something to myself. My mind would race, I was getting these weird leg pains that felt like someone stuck a knife in me, and my sleep was a complete mess. My mother actually wanted to put me in a 24 hour psychiatric care facility until the side effects wore off.

I scared myself so much that I made an emergency apointment with my doctor--or at least tried to. I told th receptionist I needed to come in right that moment because I was having serious withdrawals from my emdication, but she told me I would have to wait till the next day. I was so distraught, that I coudln't even argue or think to see someone else at the ER or whatever. So i went the next day, told the dr what was going on, and was immediately dismissed by him. He was not concerned, told me it was normal, and said that it was probably just my "normal" emotions coming out since they weren't tamed by the medication anymore. I told him I had not been on medicaiton for 21 years of my life, and that these emotions were not "normal" for me--or anyone else. I am normally a calm, sane person--my depression was always mild,and never have felt volence towards myself or anyone else. It was absolutely withdrawal. His lack of concern shocked me, especially since I told him that I worked in an elementary school and was worried abou going to work in my state of mind. He said it wasn't an issue. I, however, was so concerned and totally unable to function that I missed several days of work.

He encouraged me to wait out the withdrawal, and in a state of dispair and hoplessness I left his office. That night, myfeelings got so bad that I had to take the medication as a wayt o prevent myself from doing someting. Lo and behold, the next day I felt much better. The day after that, I was back to my normal self.

I would like to try going off the medication again, but am so terrified that I don't know how I will ever do that. I"m sterrified to switch to a lower dose, or switch brands or types of medication. I think these medications do a wonder of good for people, and I am so glad that something helps me with mood swings and depression. But I think it's really scary that dr's are not warning patients about what would happen, are telling them to quite medicaiton cold turkey, and, most of all, are ignoring when their patients say they are feeling rage and violence. Just a word of caution...we never know how we'll react to going on/getting off meds. Like I said, I was fine going off Zoloft and Prozac. To everyoen else out there, just be sure you are careful going off things, and definately make sure your doctor is not giong to ignore you.





samiam
My doctor was really dismissive to me, as well. He didn't believe me when i told him that I was blacking out from the medication, that it was disturbing my way of life and that I had passed out in class because of it. He said it was probably a virus, but I am notblacking out anymore now that I have reduced the dosage. Like you said, I am so angry all the time! Just really annoyed with people, the government, life. They lock the bathrooms at work (summer school) and I am irate and feel like I am being cheated because I have to hunt down a janitor to get a key! The woman I carpool with is driving me up the fucking wall! We have worked together all year and I was able to let her comments roll of my back, but now I find myself becoming combative and wanting to yell at her the same way I yelled at my parents when I was 13 -- out of control and so, so angry.

Last week Ifinally was able to get in to see a counselor, and I think that she is taking me seriously. There is a psychiatric intern at the counseling center who has agreed to see as well. I hate being on meds, but can I live a life without them? Fuck this is frustrating.
halcyon
I experienced the same sort of rage and feelings of self-harm...it's pretty scary. The way I got through it was staying home most of the day, but that wasn't very good for the depression, of course. le sigh.

Have you or your doctor tried using something with a longer half-life to taper off? Both times I've had to do it, it seems to have minimized the side effects to a tolerable level. That's the only suggestion I've got...
artstar
Hello everybody

I am lurker and I have posted in this thread one or two times a long time ago but it was extremely helpful. I wasn't really sure whether to post this in the anxiety or the depression thread so I just posted this in both. This is going to be a really long post. I really just need to write a post to get this all out.

I was on 150 mg of Effexor XR for about 2 years and it worked wonderful although the last few months my anxiety and depression started coming back. Unfortunately, I had to go off of them about 3 months ago due to insurance issues. I was on my parents plan but since I turned 22 last year I was cut off. I have no job and it's too expensive for my parents to pay for me to stay on their plan. So I decided to try and quit the medicine. Well my psychiatrist really recommended that I find a way to stay on the Effexor, maybe even up my dosage. Actually her main advice was for me to find a job with insurance so I could pay for the meds. It's hard enough to find a good part-time job let alone one that offers decent insurance benefits. So I got a little angry about it all and told her I wanted to go off of them. I figured things were decent enough in my life ( great job, great boyfriend, doing good in school, etc.) that I wouldn't freak out without them. We figured out plan for me to taper down and I did that over a period of 12 weeks. I didn't have any horrible physical symptoms, only a little mild anxiety. Well, shortly after quiting them I lost the job I had. It was only a little part time job but it kept me busy, was fun and now I currently have nothing to do until my classes start August 28th.

So far it's not been pleasant. I'll have a week where I'm fine and then I'll have a week like the one I'm having so far which isn't good. I am on my period which I think makes my anxiety worse but the majority of the time I don't feel good. Today I've been feeling tingling in my arms and having sudden crying spells. This isn't good because crying gives me headaches. I also haven't had much of an appetite today and my stomach is upset. I sleep most of the day and am up all night. Here lately I don't even want to be alone so when my boyfriend has to leave, I usually freak out a couple of hours later and he has to come back over and stay with me most of the day. I'm lucky enough that he is very supportive and has NO problem coming over to be with me (when he's not at work) but I feel really guilty about it. I hate being needy. He spent the day with me today and I know I'm gonna need him tommrow and I fell incredibly guilty. I know I'd hate spend most of the day lying in bed with me. I know I need to change to way I'm living my life right now I am just scared to go about doing it. This is where the Effexor helped I think. Like I said though the last few months I was on it I was acting anxious and depressed again. More factors that could be causing my anxiety right now:

A. I am not getting enough sun.....I rarely ever see the daylight except on weekends. This can cause depression and anxiety right?

B. I'm still iving wiht my parents which is extremely annoying the majority of the time. It sucks because I'm going thorugh school right now and I am depending on them to help me. I love them to death but it just sucks still havnig to live with them even though it the only affordable option.

C. I should get another job but I am terrified and have no motivation to look for one. My classes are starting in the fall and I might be too busy with them anyways.

So it is currently 6:00 in the morning and I have yet to sleep although I am feeling quite exhausted. I thought the arm numbness/fatigue was gone but it's back. Plus, I just tried to eat something and I could barely get it down without feeling naseuous. This scares me because I NEVER lose my appetite. My mouth is also kinda of dry. This had been occcuring since last night (a few hours ago.) Now I have a slight headache from crying earlier and can't relax enough to go to sleep. I'm afraid to take anything for it because it might make my stomach worse. Maybe I'll try to get some sun (if it comes out this morning!). I know when I try to go to sleep in a few hours I won't be able to....looks like I'll be calling the boyfriend yet again....*sigh*


Yeah this is basically my life in a nutshell right now. I honestly have nothing to worry about though. Maybe that's why? I'm not occupied enough so I find the littlest things to worry over. Gahh!!!....I hate being me right now .

Again, sorry for the novel but this is really cathartic...

-Erin
dandelion
Het Artstar, I can really relate to a lot of your post. I was on Effexor for a while, I have such a long history with different meds that I can't really remember how long. But at least a couple of years. It was the one drug I've tried that I can clearly say helped, especially in the beginning. I remember waking up one day, feeling just great. But then after a while, it seemed to stop working. I also know what it's like to have money issues and not be able to take the meds. My insurance was really crappy when I was in law school and they would cap my prescription coverage at something ridiculously low, like $500 per year, so I would end up paying out of pocket for effexor, and I was on 300mg - so it was close to $300 a month or something. Thank god now I have a good job with benefits but, I can't seem to find meds that work well without annoying side effects like total death of my sex drive on any sort of SSRI. Of late I tried Wellbutrin but it made me feel way too keyed up, and I feel like my main problem usually is anxiety so I don't need to feel more anxiety from a med. Anyway I can really understand how you feel...I feel like I can have some really good days and then I just get walloped with a bad day where I can't friggen stand anything or anyone and I just want to get into bed and never get out. That is not really conducive to working long hours in a law firm!

Anyway I'm about to start taking Cymbalta today and I am keeping my fingers crossed. I saw the commercial and figured what the hell, maybe it could work and I think it's chemically similar to effexor, which has helped me in the past. I would try effexor again but the last time I was on it it dulled my sex drive. I am expecting cymbalta to do the same. Going through the meds loop is so exhausting but I had a really bad day this weekend where I was around my family and just wanted to kill everyone and wanted to cry for no reason so I immediately went to the psychiatrist afterwards. I just wish I could find one drug that will help without killing my sex drive. I am in therapy but I realize that is not a panacea and I really think there is somethign chemical to my depression. I get frustrated when I try to do research about specific drugs online and find those scary websites about how anti-depressants are satan etc. This is an illness and I don't see why you wouldn't try medicine - and I hate that anti-depressants are still so stigmatized. Anyway, I'm ranting.
samiam
Getting off of meds is one of the hardest things that I have ever done. Learning a new language, traveling, teaching middle school -- all nothing compared to this.

My sex drive is through the roof right now and every guy in my radar is running away. Argh.
artstar
GAH.....my parents just got into a huge fight and of course, I think is all my fault although I know it isn't.....I'm just pissed because why do things have to be so screwy around here? Then I feel selfish because I know the world doesn't revolve around me. Needless to say this didn't help my stomache....I almost puked. I honestly think living at home right now is what's driving me insane. Unfortunately, moving out wouldn't be the best option because it's expensive and I'm tring to get through school (which my Dad is paying for). My boyfriend lives with his parents as well and with his job and if I were to get one, the income combined I still don't think we'd able to afford it. I don't know though...all the luxuries I have here at home just aren't worth it ...I'd rather live on the street sometimes.




Samiam, I noticed that when I quit Effexor I was able to orgasm again(without having to do it on my own!). This was defintely a perk after the initial withdrawl symptoms went away. Another reason why I am reluctant to go back on meds.

Dandelion, that part about it working at first and then waking up one day and it just not working are exactly what happened to me. This just happened to coincide with my insurance running out so I decided well no more medication since it wasn't even working anyways. My psychiatrist did try to convince I could just for the therapy without medication and see if that would help but I never liked the therapy anyways...I always came away feeling worse then I did before. It was cognitive therapy which I did in conjunction with the Effexor but once the Effexor started helping I stopped going.
starpiste
astar, I've always felt more comfortable on meds and therapy at thee same time. It makes me feel like I'm gaining the skills that will help me cope when I am off the meds. Also, I find my doctors as a good second opinion on how I'm doing and progressing. Maybe it's your therapist you don't like rather than the therapy? I might be bias though because I LOVE therapy and am pretty attached to it.

I'm fully off the amitypteline now, and as my doctor suggested, getting off of it helped me feel better about starting to go off the celexa. I'm only gone down in my dose by 10mg (I'm back at 20 where I started) but mostly I feel alright. The dreams are pretty bad still but I'm trying to ignore them.
artstar
Yeah, that might've been the mistake I made....not continuing the therapy while on the medication. They seemed to have no problem with me doing that which now makes me wonder how great they really were. Then again they can't exactly force you to do something you don't want to do. I liked my therapist....I thought she was really nice but once the meds started kicking in I thought I didn't need it anymore. I was obviously wrong. I'm just frustrated because I was fine a few days ago and now I'm a wreck. This happened last month and I was hoping it wouldn't happen again but it's like I can just feel it coming on. I started crying for no reason last Tuesday but then was able to get myself out of a funk somehow and get through last week. I finally broke down Saturday night and since then have felt awful. I would say it's PMS related but I honestly have never had it this bad.

Besides this whole thing where I get really anxious whenever my boyfriend has to leave and I'm stuck alone is scaring me. I basically have an anxiety attack. My arms start to feel weird, my stomache upset and I dread the next hours I'll have to spend alone. I've never had a problem with this. Hell, I use to love my alone time.

Well, I've planned a day at the park and such for tommorow and I'm gonna go no matter how much my head or stomache hurts in hope that it will make me feel a bit better, just to get out of my house.
samiam
I am so fucking angry! Angry at the incompentence of people. Angry at the stupid childish horny little men who want to grope me and leave me for the wolves. Angry at my friend who always tries to set me up with the ugliest, fattest guys who no one else wants because they're "intelligent" and so am I. Angry at the anti-semite assholes whi think I be a good cook and a good lay because I'm a Jew with the boobs and not the nose. Angry angry angry at "friends" who make plans to go on vacation and when you book the tickets to fly all the way across the fucking country to go and reserve the rooms and lose the fucking deposit and plan to stay somewhere you don't like because their other girlfriend wants to go and then they cancel everything. The second friend is going to Seattle. The old friend buys a car and bails on the trip a week out because she can;t balance her fucking checkbook and she planned wrong. Angry because she did this ten years ago and you swore you wouldn't make plans around her again until she had her shit together and you thought she did and you were wrong. Angry! when you order a fucking sandwich and 45 minutes later they haven't even started it. Angry because when you finally make it to another restaurant they tell you that they close at 9 even though it is the biggest week of the year in this town and there is an even around the block at the museum with 1000 people who are all going to want food. Angry that you have no outlet and when you hit your windshield and scream it cracks into a million spider webs and now you, and only you because no one else gives a mother fucking flying leap what you do with your life are going to have to fix it and pay.

I hate being on medication. I hate coming off of it. I hate me for needing wanting using this shit and not being able to function coherently without it. And I hate the woman I have to carpool with for one more fucking day because she is an absolute imbecil and yet SHE is the one with the live-in boyfriend and therefore gets to lord her superiority over me at every turn. I just want to tell the bitch to come off her ivory fucking tower and join the world the rest of us live in. And not to procreate, because she is an idiot and her genes should stop.
Fuck. I said all of it. God can fucking shoot me down now. I am sick of being good.
cstars124
Quick question for everyone:

I'm on effexor and have been for about 4 years. I recently started going through sporadic bouts of depression. One day I'll be absolutely fine and the next, I'm crying at nothing, feeling somewhat suicidal and screaming at people. Other days, I won't cry or scream, but I'll get very head-achey and just want to curl up in my bed and sleep all day. I'm taking about 75 mg right now, could it be possible that I need a higher dosage?

I'm not coupling the drug with any type of therapy, which I'm sure is part of the problem, as well, but as far as headaches and other physical symptoms, is my body getting used to the dosage after 4 years? I'm afraid to talk to my doctor about it, cause she's somewhat of a douche bag and I'd rather research this myself first before I talk to her.
halcyon
cstars--this never happened for you in the last four years? might be you need a higher dose, might be you need a different med. either way your doctor should know about it...if you don't feel comfortable talking to your doctor, how about a second opinion/new doc? (DTMFA!)

Have you tried other ssri meds and found that the multiple reuptake inhibitors like effexor are best? or is this the only one you've been on? just curious, 'cause after only a few months on cymbalta (also a mri) I started to have similar mood swings. personally I've never had that from ssris, and wondered what was behind it.
cstars124
This type of thing has happened to me in the past four years, but never lasted as long. Effexor is the only med I've ever tried. I was thinking about maybe trying wellbutrin, seeing as it has very low risk of sexual side effects and weight gain, cause I don't need either of the two. Has anyone had success/horror stories with Wellbutrin?

I ran this situation by my mother, who is a nurse and wants to rule out a bunch of other stuff before we switch the meds. Which is fine, but I don't know how long I can go on with these headaches and feeling shitty. bleh.
halcyon
Cstars...
The only other thing I can think of is med compliance. Do you find that you get these down periods after taking Effexor late or missing a day? It's got such a short half-life that I'd imagine that could bring something on...

I was on wellbutrin for about a year, and honestly I loved it (as meds go, at least!). I started out on Zoloft by itself, which made me feel flat, so the doctor added Wellbutrin at the same time. I think it basically mimicked the effect of drugs like effexor that work on a few different reuptakes. I don't know how commonly that's done, but might be worth trying for you?

The only downside I remember about Wellbutrin is that it lowers your seizure threshold, so if you've had an eating disorder or drink a lot of alcohol, you'd need to be careful. I think this is less of an issue with the SR version.
cstars124
Yea..I usually take the effexor at the same time every day...I know that if i take it past 4 o'clock in the afternoon usually, it keeps me up all night, so I tend to take it as soon as I wake up.

I read alot about wellbutrin and it mentioned the seizure thing, which kinda scares me. I've never had an eating disorder and not a heavy drinker, but I'd rather not take my chances, ya know? I also read that you have to take wellbutrin more than once a day?
dandelion
CStar, I was on effexor for a few years, on and off at times, so I know about this pretty well. First of all I definitely think you might benefit from a higher dose. I was on 300mg at one point and that is not even the highest they can go. My mother takes 75mg and swears it helps but i've had at least one dr. tell me that 75mg is not enough to do anything and they were dubious it could have affected my mother. That particular dr. I had was young and knew about all the current research and was very convinced that 75mg does nothing. I thought it was pretty standard to take at least 150mg. If effexor has helped you in the past it might definitely be a good idea to go up and see if that helps what you are going through now. I stopped taking it because it seemed to stop working for me. Also, it definitely lowered my sex drive, although thankfully I still had one and on other SSRI's I cannot even have an orgasm. I'm on cymbalta now and I am just going up to 40mg and I'm praying it doesn't take my sex drive away. I'm starting to feel like I'm running out of options with these meds.

I tried wellbutrin briefly but I have a problem with anxiety and I felt really keyed up on it. I would try it again though because the sexual side effects thing is such a positive. Anyone else out there have stories about cymbalta? Or feel keyed up when taking Wellbutrin? I wish I could just find something that works without the sexual side effects problem. It's like, when I'm depressed I don't want sex anyway and then i take meds to not be depressed and then i can't even orgasm. sigh.
artstar
cstars, I just stopped taking 150mg of Effexor about three months ago. It really wasn't working well the last 4 months I was taking it. I have read that your body does get used to these drugs after a certain amount of time. My psych actaully told me that when I first started taking it, I think. When I originally went in to see my psych for the first time we decided that if the Effexor worked I would stay on it for about two years....well three months ago it was 2 1/2 years and I was having fits of anger again and my anxiety/depression was coming back, so I decided to go off of it since I couldn't afford it anymore anyways. I weaned off over a month's time and the physical side effects weren't as bad as I read...I was quite surprised actually but as you can see from my recent posts I think I am having relapses that last about week at a time. They usually happen a few days after my period has ended so I'm wondering if it's hormonal.....did the Effexor help my PMS?

Anyways, my appt. with my psych is for next Wednesday. I am so tempted to cancel it because I am feeling a bit better mood wise. This is what happens though...I look back and think, "Why was I acting so frickin' crazy last week?". I think changing my routine helped but my stomach is still a little weird. I am able to eat again but I am still getting sick sometimes..a little nausea or heartburn afterwards. I do have an appetite again and can get through a meal without wanting to puke which is nice.

I've had a little trouble getting to sleep a couple of nights even though I was exhausted. Then I panic and only make it worse. I get scared I won't be able to get to sleep before the sun comes up.

I'm just terrified my psych's gonna suggest I go back on the meds again when I really really do not want to. I've read there is a chance I could still be withdrawing....apparently you can have symptoms for up to 9 months after stopping the meds. I just hope my psych is educated on this..

lindsaymarie
So, I've been off my medicine (Paxil) for about a month now. I went off cold turkey because I ran out of refills, and I don't have the money to go to the doctor right now. I'm thinking that when I do go to the doctor I'm going to ask to switch to Wellbutrin or something else without sexual side effects. (Are there any other drugs without sexual side effects? Also, is Wellbutrin really expensive, or is there a generic version available?) I'm feeling very crazy right now...mood swings, unexpected crying jags, etc., not to mention the fact that the withdrawals are apparently still with me. But there is one thing I was wondering about. It seems when I'm off my medication, I'm more creative. To explain--I would like to someday be a fashion designer. In the meantime, until I can afford school and such, I make my own clothes. I've noticed that I get more ideas for designs, and more motivation to actually make them when I'm off the medicine. I'm sure this kind of fits in with the wild mood swings, and with the sense of vacant, sort-of-happy complacency I get when I'm on the medication. So...does this mean that Paxil specifically is not the drug for me, or do I have to give up any hopes of designing professionally if I want to be sane?

Also, any advice on soothing the mood swings and irritability until I can go to the doctor?

Sorry for the long post. sad.gif
little_idiot
Have you ever tried St. John's wort? I took it for years to help ease my depression, and I have no doubt that it helped a LOT. I had to go off of it when I started the Pill--St. John's wort makes the pill less effective, so don't take it if you rely on the Pill. Other than that, I would recommend St. John's wort to anyone. There were no side effects and it's a lot cheaper than any prescription.
pepper
holy crap, am i ever depressed. i think.

you tell me...
i had a Horrible experience at work and since then i haven't been able to set foot in the place, i get within a block or two and start to shake and sweat, ditto if i imagine i'll run into anyone from there. *shudder*.
i can't eat or sleep, when i do sleep i can't wake up or i get sssooo tired at weird times and have to lay down even though i don't 'sleep' really it's like i'm comatose. my stomach hurts, my hands shake, i'm nauseaous, cold, hot, weepy, can't focus, etc etc. what the hell is happening to me? i've NEVER experienced anything like this before. i had an appointment with a therapist today but i slept until he phoned me (10:30, i usually get up between 6-7). i'm still at home even though i have to get my kid to daycare, it's almost lunch time and i am having a hard time making myself get ready to go. i don't want to leave the house but he has to have something to do besides watching television all day. gah. i'm freaking out.

sorry, this is such a bunch of crap to dump on you, especially since i don't frequent this thread but geez, this is so awful...
bunnyb
*de-lurks*
pepper, I'm no expert but I think what you're going through IS depression. I have/had a lot of the same symptoms and the doctor diagnosed me as depressed and put me on prozac less than 3 months ago. The stuff with work kas probably triggered the chemical imbalance (and remember, that's what it is), mine was certainly the "reactive" kind, something setting me off after things had built up.

Sleeping late and/or insomnia, not wanting to leave house/converse with people, restless but don't want to do anything (watching a film as opposed to tv is too much effort), overwhelming emotion ... all are signs.
maddy29
hey pepper, i think your reaction is really normal, even if it feels like total shit. i read in the work thread about what happened to you at work, and honestly i don't think i could return to work either, if that happened to me!

it sounds kinda like a trauma reaction- wanting to avoid the place where it happened, and you sound shocky and anxious and depressed.

try not to worry too much about letting him watch too much tv now, cause right now you are going through a big thing, and it's not going to ruin him to watch a lot of tv while you take care of yourself.

I wish I had some advice to give you, I mean other than trying to get some sort of food down... Have you been talking to friends/support people about what happened at work? Have you talked to anyone at work about what happened? Man, I really don't know how I'd deal with that. sucks ass.

to lindsaymarie- check out the alternative health thread, there are a lot of teas and herbs and stuff that people have suggested for mood and anxiety and stuff-maybe you could try something like that until your doctor's appointment.
datagirl
Hi Guys,

I was wondering whatever happen to the self harm thread.
I need to post somewhere about how I am feeling today.


humanist77
I haven't seen it in a long time, datagirl-I'm sure you can start another one without asking first. I don't think anyone would mind ((datagirl))

Okay. I've figured it out. I get incredibly depressed for about the two weeks surrounding my period (before, during, and after) For the rest of the month I am relatively okay, but unfortunately, it is half the month I feel like hell. But for those two weeks, it gets so bad that each time, I make some drastic decision about my life, whether it is good or bad. Sometimes being depressed can really bring out some hard truths in my life and it forces me to change it, but I don't feel comfortable with this. I feel like I'm not in the right state of mind to be making big decisions.

I don't want to play the medication game for many reasons (not to judge anyone else, just not for me). But I want to find something that I can take maybe during that part of my cycle that will keep me a little more stable-something natural, like St John's Wart? I know there are reasons to be cautious about St John's Wart, but there's other stuff out there that could help, I just don't know what. Should I go see an herbalist? Any suggestions? Thanks!
pepper
thanks girls. i'm dealing.

datagirl (and others) no need to start a new thread, old ones that have dropped off the board can be resurrected with some sort of search. sorry, the technophobe in me has no idea how but i think it's easy. ask in community forum, someone bumped one back onto the board for me a couple of weeks ago.

humanist, it sounds like you could benefit from some essential fatty acids. they are a major mood stabilizer and can make a huge difference throughout a woman's cycle. would you consider trying it for a couple of months and seeing if it makes a difference? chachaheels has written quite a bit on the subject in a few threads in oboh but i bet she'd recap for you if you asked in the alternative health thread. good luck.

i ate a bit today, cried a bit, talked to a couple of friends. it's a drag that this is all i can think about and therefore talk about. i'm afraid i'm going to burn my friends right out. blah. i feel like a wet rag, wrung out.
going to see that counsellor tomorrow, hope he can help me. i don't need suggestions about what to do though, really, i know i have to make time for myself yadda yadda, it's just getting over this emotional catastrophe and back to my regularly scheduled self that's the tough one. i know you know. i Do Not want to take any drugs, that's for sure. scary.
bunnyb
humanist, ask in the natural remedies thread. I think there's something called Agnes Castor oil (or something kinda like it) that's good around moontime. I may have to try it myself cos the emotion and depression and anger seems worse now before I'm due -on the drugs- than it ever was before.
maddy29
blah. i'm feeling out of it today. a young man was murdered about 2 blocks from my house this week. we found some evidence in our yard, and the police were over yesterday asking us questions. it's so tragic and sad. it was over a gold necklace, and the guy who died had just gotten engaged. his fiancee was there to see him be murdered right in front of her, hours after they had gotten engaged.

it all felt surreal yesterday, but now i'm just sooo spacey and out of it and sad. i know i'm pms and i didn't work out this week so i'm sure that's part of it, but i just cannot focus! i guess it just pushes all those old ptsd buttons and stuff.

just feeling sad, what people do to each other...


Pepper-this is so situational, that drugs really aren't necessary. i mean, if you can't get to work for a week or more, than you might need something just to keep you from losing your job (although.....). but really, this is a specific reaction to a specific event, and it makes sense that you're having a hard time. It doesnt' mean you will get sicker like your family.

Datagirl- safe hugs if it's ok. I'm just really, really feeling for you lately. I remember the chaos of disclosure and confrontation and it is CRAZY making. and just horrible. it's like the whole world has just turned upside down, or shattered into pieces, or something. Write if you can-even if the words don't make sense-just try to get some of it out of you. We are all here for you, and want to support you.
pepper
blech maddy, that's awful. geez.

there is no way i will ever go back to that job. i sweat and shake when i get within a block of that place. the idea of seeing those people ever again is totally nauseating. forget it.

i keep thinking i'm ok and then i find myself crying on the sidewalk. what the hell? gah, this sucks. i just want it to be over and feel like myself again.

i guess things could be worse. now why doesn't that make me feel any better?
kelkello
I can't believe I haven't been to this thread before. I'm suffering from major anxiety and panic on a daily basis. It's brought on by depression, but I can't take seratonin drugs anymore because they make me suicidal. I'm in therapy and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Dragging this shit out of my closet every week is necessary but so damned difficult. I take an anti-anxiety drug daily, but I have nothing to control the depression that is driving the anxiety. I feel a little bit like I'm at the end of a rope here. Last week I had a whole plan to off myself. I'm not there this week, but I don't know what to do. I put on the happy face daily to protect my loved ones because they don't know how to deal with me when I'm sad.
dandelion
I can relate to what all of you are saying. I am pretty badly depressed right now. I guess I have been for a long time. I'm taking cymbalta, 40mg but I'm not sure it's enough, and I have to find a new Dr. because I missed too many appointments with the other one and can't call him. It's really hard to find a dr too on my insurance so i end up having to make 50 calls to get maybe one response. I'm lucky to be insured though. My husband left for the third time last week - he is from another country and is supposed to come back in a month. And in the interim I'm supposed to be doing things to help myself etc., but when you are depressed it's just impossible. I can barely get out of bed let alone do yoga, exercise, meditate, some of the things I promised him and myself I would do. He doesn't seem to understand and I kinda feel like I shouldn't even be with him but, he's all I have. I just feel like crap. I keep thinking, I need to try things to occupy my time but even reading takes too much effort.
maddy29
hey everyone-just checking. i'm feeling crappy today-not sure why, i worked out before work this morning, did some good chores and stuff i ineeded to do yesterday. just feel poopy sad.gif don't want to eat AT ALL. i have this stupid salad sitting in front of me and i just do'nt want it. blah. i know i'm depressed when i lose my appetite cause i love to eat. i think partly it's that i am trying to cut WAY back on my weed smoking. blech. this week i smoked a very tiny amount each night, which is a great start. i'm just feeling htat weird fuzzy brain feeling and like punching myself or something. I can't concentrate at all and i just feel kinda crazy. gak.

kelkello-i know what you m ean about putting on that happy face. i bet everyone in this thread can relate too. it take so much energy to pretend to be ok all the time. is there anyone in your life that can just be with you when you're sad? i know that i drove my friends away too-cause i never wanted to do anything, go anywhere, and i was always in a bad mood. it sucks. did you tell your therapist about your plan for suicide? i hope you can trust her with that.

dandelion-don't you hate that? everyone's always like oh you're depressed? well-you have to "take care of yourself" go for a walk in the sun, la la la. i'm like fuck you, i don't want to get out of bed. i hate the world, i hate myself. going for a walk isn't going to fucking help! i mean, it does help, but it's SOOO Hard to do when you just feel like you are dying.

pepper-how are you? are your symptoms going away at all or are they still being hellish? have you quit your job?

hugs to everyone else out there struggling.
pepper
quit, in therapy, 'scrip for a sedative (which i am NOT taking. duh, hello, the single mom can't be unconcious), and i still feel crappy. a bit worse as i process it all actually. and totaly unmotivated to get up, get dressed, eat, clean the house, do anything at all 'cept surf the net. it's cack.

hope you're all doing ok.
crazyoldcatlady
QUOTE
dandelion-don't you hate that? everyone's always like oh you're depressed? well-you have to "take care of yourself" go for a walk in the sun, la la la. i'm like fuck you, i don't want to get out of bed. i hate the world, i hate myself. going for a walk isn't going to fucking help! i mean, it does help, but it's SOOO Hard to do when you just feel like you are dying.


i know, maddy. it's like, you're lucky i can get my ass out of bed to be a somewhat functional member of the working community.

the highlight of my day has become bedtime.

i'm seriously contemplating, for the first time in my life, getting on something. i don't know how much longer i can schlub around like this. but i'm VERY hesitant for a variety of reasons, one including stigma (esp. for me), two including side effects...

i know i'm down for multifactorial reasons, but i can't even begin to tackle those until i can get the most basic of my shit together. i'm hoping there's something that can tithe me over until i can... i wish i could speak more openly, but alas...

anyhoo,
here's a link to an article i found the other day, i'm not sure what to think of it...
the art of avoiding depression
sassygrrl
I know what you gals mean. I've just been in the shittiest mood as of lately. I hate my job, hate my life, and I have wanted to tell the world to fuck off this week.

I was bitching about this at work, and one of my fake ass co-workers was all "go talk a walk..." I told her to fuck me under my breath.

All I ever want to do is sleep.

The only thing that brightened my day was the fact that my favorite beer was on sale.

I'm wondering if this anger and depression is related to this new seizure med I'm on? I plan to talk to my neurologist next week.

Oh, and going home did so not help matters. My mother has this logic that if I just lose weight or buy red lipstick that the world's problems will dissolve.


crazyoldcatlady
(shit, i was hoping weight loss and red 'stick were a cure smile.gif )
sassygrrl
smile.gif
Ha!
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