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shinyx3
was a blibbering pathetic mess yesterday. husband can't fix it and seems to feel helpless so i kept triing to pull it together but then something overwhelms me and it is just too much. so pretty much yesterday sucked.

today however i woke up feel ing baby move and was actually hungry for the first time in a week. (i have been eating because i know how important it is for baby and not at all because i wanted food.) so i ate with me son and am feeling down right human. i'll go with it!

thanks so much for all the support here. it really seems to help me feel less alone in this.

(((((all depressed busties))))
girltrouble
remember your hubby is there for you, shiny. you've got that. i hope things keep looking up for you.

mandolyn
panic attack driving home on friday. first one in over a month. really nasty blue funk generalized anxiety self-medicating weekend. wish i could blame it on pms, but i'm mid-cycle. maybe it's unconscious shit bubbling to the surface or something. just feeling hopeless ... worthless ... useless. at least i was able to force myself to clean a little and do some laundry and yoga and take a shower today. but yesterday was really really awful. i cried some, but i've still got a huge lump in my throat.

this too shall pass. i've got a hair appt tomorrow. hair therapy always helps. vapid, but true.

(((sighers)))
whitelightning
((hi everyone))

i'm ok...i started to move into my friend's basement today and my internet connection is sporadic. i have my own bedroom and sitting area - and there's a big window with plenty of light! but i'm feeling very depressed, which is the case anytime i move into a new place. i feel so disoriented and weird. but i'm with friends, so that's good. it just feels so lonely...

little idiot, i've been on effexor for a week now. the side effects really packed a punch and i think they subside a little bit each day. it works on two different neurotransmitters, serotonin and norepinepherine - the latter is involved with our sympathetic nervous system. so it's supposed to help people with generalized anxiety and depression.

i felt like a zombie for this entire week and i got a little disoriented and felt like i was floating at work one time, which scared me. but i'm not an emotional wreck this week, considering the fact that i broke up with my boyfriend, took a midterm and moved twice all in a week and a half! i've cried once. it seems to keep me even-keeled. but i'm thinking i may need a lower dosage. as far as sexual side effects are concerned it hasn't affected my libido (which has actually increased, probably due to the breakup in a weird way) as much as my ability to orgasm. but maybe i'm just stressed out... blink.gif

i also have lost a lot of weight within the last two weeks, which could be due to the fact that i was not able to eat at all the first few days of effexor. but my appetite seems to be resurfacing.

maybe a lower dosage is needed?

girltrouble

(((((((((mandy)))))))))), it ain't vapid if it keeps your world brighter.

((((((((lightnin'))))))) remember you have friends that would take you in. that's says a lot. the lonelyness will pass, trust me you're still in recovery from your break up. what you are going thru is normal.

belated congrats, ratgrl. that's terrific. so happy for you.

(((((((sighers)))))

i've been kinda feeling the funk lately. yesterday was my friends birthday party, and if i had a choice i would have stayed home and hid under the covers. sometimes it feels like if there is a tranny god/dess up there, they're really emotionally sadistic. i can handle looking at myself in the mirror, most photos are self-esteem killers for me. someone showed me some truly horrible pix from last year, and i have been trying to dig myself out from that hole every since. that and a few other things earlier in the day were really, really fucking with my head. the depression is here. i am starting, thanks to some comments from friends to realize exactly what i do when i am unemployed. i get minor waves or agoraphobia that only get worse the longer i don't work, i hybernate, not calling or returning calls, i don't think about it, but i end up cutting back to one meal a day, and sleeping. a lot. add to that, that my hormone schedule is disrupted right now, because i need to change doctors because my current endocronolygist, is a transphobic dicklick. i think i need to get job for my mental health more than anything. i have enough to tide me over for a month or two, but after that... it's back to the old line of work, and that is a whole 'nother cause for depression. pfft.
laurenann
QUOTE(little_idiot @ Mar 9 2007, 03:17 PM) *

So here are my questions:


i've posted on here before about taking effexor. i've been on it for about a year and it's been okay. it helps a lot with my wicked social anxiety and my mild depression, though not so much with obsessing over little daily things like schedules, organization, and cleaning. but that's part of my personality and not really harmful to my life, so i'm okay with that stuff.

i am less emotional on the medicine, which makes me less interested in sex. but before the medicine i was too stressed out to have sex, so it's a catch 22. i think sexual side effects are really personal.

my doctor also told me that effexor has not been shown to cause weight gain. from what i understand about how drug studies work, that means people on effexor were not any more likely to gain weight than people who were not on effexor.

and, yeah, the withdrawl is AWFUL - if i forget for one day i am sick, sick, sick.

how is it going so far?


little_idiot
So far it's ok. Today was my first day on the full dose (75mg) and I thought I'd feel it more but oddly I felt pretty depressed today. But it was probably mostly situational. I think it is helping with the anxiety which is the point so I suppose so far so good. The only side effects I've noticed (and they've lessened since I started taking it which was only a week ago) are a dry mouth and sweaty hands and feet. Also I had sex a couple of nights ago and wasn't able to come, which is pretty unusual for me. I hope this doesn't continue... my sex drive is already almost non-existent and if I can't even get off I don't know if I'll ever bother...
I am concerned about when I eventually stop taking it, or if I run out. It sounds pretty terrible. I've read that even if you go off of it gradually you can have pretty bad withdrawls. I guess that's a risk I'm going to have to take--have already taken I guess!
laurenann
i have not been feeling like showering lately. i've forced myself to the last few days, but tonight i came home from work and got right in my pajamas. my hair is kinda gross, too. *sigh* i hate not caring about how i look or smell, but this week i really just do not feel like it.
maddy29
i have greasy hair today at work. heh. thank god for ponytails. last night i was just too tired to shower and of course this morning i overslept and just didnt feel like showering. so yeah, i'm a bit stinky today. sometimes i think it's kinda silly to have to shower EVERY day. lol smile.gif
shinyx3
hi all, just checking looking in to say hey. laurenenn, i am of the thought that there are days when we can only do so much and when that much is one we are done. so you do what you can. i am learning to let go of stuff that really doesn't matter with a shrug. hoping you feel better soon though. sunnydays seem to help me, maybe there is good weather in your future.

i have been feeling better ans ths morning was feeling great but now for some reason i feel like i am verging on tears and so i went to bed. . . didn't really help. hoping this down is short lived and i can just ride it out. maybe i am justnot looking forward to my spring break. too much time on my hands and not enough energy to be very productive when there seems so much to be done.
knorl05
(((depressive busties))) i realized something today that i want to share: if i am feeling depressed or anxious usually all i have to do to get out of it is step outside of myself.. look at things from a new perspective, try something new, break the routine or the pattern of what i'm doing. i have found that these negative feelings are indicative of complacency, that they signify for me that i have an opportunity to shake things up a bit.

i mean think about it, there is so much out there to get excited about. what really moves you? what are you passionate about? what are the things that bring you joy? and then just begin to create more of that in your life.. this is what i have found to help me the most. it's all about our perspective and how we look at ourselves and the world around us. sure it's hard, but it's a better use of our time than giving into the depressive thoughts/feelings.
annelise
depending on circumstances and the configuration of your neurotransmitters, sometimes it's completely possible to look at things from a different perspective and cheer up. and sometimes it's not so possible. the power of the mind can be amazing, but some circumstances can't be influenced so simply as all of that.

i'm having major financial troubles involving the govt and lots of paperwork, and i'll shortly be moving, at a time when i probably won't be able to afford food. i've looked at all of my options and will have to ask my parents for money, and just deal with it. but it's stressful.


the other day, my physical therapist was working with me. she asked how i was doing and i told her very briefly why i was stressed out these days. she suggested i have a more positive attitude and look at it as an adventure. um.

much as i may joke about how i'm becoming a Comparitive Hold Music Expert (the IRS is the best so far, surprisingly--classical rather than muzak)...i do not see this as an adventure in any but the most snarkastic of ways. i've considered the possibilities and realistically, this isn't going to resolve pleasantly--it's going to be a lot of work and stress and uncertainty. i'm trying to have a realistic attitude about it and find ways to get by as well as i can.

so it goes, sometimes.
shinyx3
annelise, i was on hold with the IRS today too. you are right . . . classical. fuzzy over my phone speaker though. i have been there at the can't afford food stage at it fucking sucks. *pause for hug* but women are strong. we survive. good luck to you during this stresser.
tankgirl
hey guys

i usually dont post in this thread, although i really should, i read it enough. i just need somewhere to vent. i've been really depressed lately, and haveing huge arguements with the boy over money. its driving me insane. last night he actually said to me that i need to stop thinking about myself all the time because everyone is depressed, and im not special. i dont even know where to begin to deal with that. i really dont. i just feel like i cant deal with him anymore and he cant deal with me either, and the sad part is that its caused purely by my depression, besides that our relationship is happy and healthy.
acousticgroupie
tank, i'm sorry about you and your boy. isn't very healthy for him to say "get over it" though. maybe he doesn't know how to help.

have you tried counseling at all?
knorl05
tankgirl: yeah my ex was the same way. i used to talk to him about my dreams and what i wanted to do with my life, and his only response was 'do it then'. he just didnt understand. my biggest hurdle has always been not knowing how to do it, where to start, considering i'm against all forms of established doctrine. it's like, it doesnt matter if everyone is depressed, because you are talking to him about how you feel and he should be more compassionate and understanding of that. when i'd talk to him about my circumstances, i wanted him to really see where i was coming from.. i wanted him to see that it's not about being depressed or its not about feeling i cant do it, as it is that i am fighting this battle to be my authentic self and i've got a lot to deal with as a result of that.

did i just go off in a different direction than what you were saying? i think my point, is that i wished my dude would be more empathetic and patient with me.. which is what it sounds like you are looking for from yours.
nickclick
i think i'm on the opposite end, where my bf gets bouts of depression, usually not prompted by anything specific, and i feel like i lose patience. i try to reason him out of it, but i know that's not always helpful, especially when he wants to hear 'poor baby', of which i have such a hard time giving, because yes, we all have problems at work, chores to do, etc. he has a psychiatrist that gives him 5 minutes each session, and refill of Zoloft, and he obviously needs more help than those provide, but for whatever reason he never looks for a new dr. help me handle this!
tankgirl
well the way it is, is that neither me or my boy make enough money to get by right now, so... i dont have the money to see a doctor, or therapist to help my depression issues. so while we are both stressed about life, normal everyday things, our specific problems being those that cant reasonably be helped, he just cant handle me. therefore, it makes our problems worse than they have to be. i dont know how to help it, i cant see a therapist, a doctor, i dont have any friends close by i can talk to, and if i did, i feel guilty talking to them, because i've been very antisocial, and talking to them just to use them for advice somehow seems wrong.

i dont know if yor problem relates to mine nickclick, but maybe he isnt confiding in you because he wants your sympathy, maybe he just feels comfortable enough with you to talk to you about it. believe it or not, people who are going through depression, have a hard tim etalkiong to their loved ones about it, thinking that they wouldnt understand, or that it would put them out, to deal with it. maybe he just has enough confidence in your relationship that he thinks he can talk to you about how he feels.
nickclick
thanks tankgirl, that's good to hear, because i do want to help. i just have to learn how, i suppose. and i'm sure he's told me just want he wants in those situations, but i'm probably too stubbon to have heard them. which may also be the case with your bf, tankg. and i'm sure you have friends that won't mind lending an ear when you need 'em. are either of you students? most colleges have counseling centers or whatever they call them.
stargazer
nickclick, sorry to hear you are having a tough time. sometimes people just want to be heard. it sounds like it is frustrating for you because you want to know what you can do to fix it. at least, he is going for medication. but, therapy might help him. but, he has to want it for himself. i 'm glad you came in here to vent. it must be tough. i know my good friend told me how tough it was for her when i was going through my depression. but, it helped me to know she was there for me. the support helps.
erinjane
I've been having a really good few 2-3 months, so I told my doctor I wanted to try and come off the trazadone (200mg) and he told me to start by taking it every second night for a week and see how i feel. Last night was the first night I haven't taken it in 5 months, and today I feel horrible. I was out bike riding and I burst into tears on the ride and now i just feel weepy and depressed, the worst I've felt in 2 months. I was reading some stuff online that says because trazadone has a short half life, and even though it's not a true SSRI, coming off too quickly can cause discontinuation syndrome. Now I'm scared to try and stop taking it. Damn.
annelise
is there a way you can reduce the dose every other night and taper off the dosage that way? i've heard that trazodone is powerful stuff, and it's horrible to get withdrawal symptoms. when i went off of effexor (i've probably told this on the thread), i would open the capsule and pour a tiny bit out every day, and then after a week a tiny bit more. i was drastically more gradual than the doctor suggested, but that was what worked for me--sometimes you have to be very gentle and patient with your body, especially with such powerful drugs. it took me a very long time to get off of effexor, but once i found a way to be gradual enough for my body, i didn't have withdrawal that much.
erinjane
After I posted I went and found some forums where people had the same symptoms. Most said they successfully weened themselves off it by lowering the dose by 25mg a week. I'll give that a try I think. I'm feeling so much better today, but I'm really miffed at my doctor because he made it sound like I could basically stop cold turkey.
mandolyn
erinjane, good luck with the weaning. glad to hear you're feeling well.

i'm doing good, and i have no idea if it's because the zoloft's finally kicking in or because it's spring and everything's in bloom and pretty or because i have a new dog who's lifting my spirits tenfold each and every day ... i haven't a clue, and i'm not questioning.

my therapist and i are on a hiatus, though, and i may need to find someone else. nothing bad, we've just mutually agreed that she might not be able to help me in certain areas. truth be told, i don't really miss the sessions. but i know i need to get back to it at some point. there's still alot of work i need to do.

(((everyone)))
thenewrussia
QUOTE(erinjane @ Apr 22 2007, 04:11 PM) *
I've been having a really good few 2-3 months, so I told my doctor I wanted to try and come off the trazadone (200mg) and he told me to start by taking it every second night for a week and see how i feel. Last night was the first night I haven't taken it in 5 months, and today I feel horrible. I was out bike riding and I burst into tears on the ride and now i just feel weepy and depressed, the worst I've felt in 2 months. I was reading some stuff online that says because trazadone has a short half life, and even though it's not a true SSRI, coming off too quickly can cause discontinuation syndrome. Now I'm scared to try and stop taking it. Damn.


I was on Effexor 175mg for two years. Trying to get off cold turkey was the hardest. I started getting ticks and was so moody. I ended up slowly going down in my dosage and I felt great. I didn't have any side effects. It took me about two months to get off them. That's odd that your doctor would try and get you off like that. It's good that you looked into it though. Good luck.
ilovehim
Good afternoon,

Hi, I just recently found this forum and i find it very helpful and supportive. I have been experiencing "post partum" depression since my son was 3 months old (he is now 9 months). It just keeps getting worse. I went from mild depression to full blown mode in no time. I'm currently seeking help and see a therapist every now and then she wants to put me on meds.

What is the Best med out there with the fewest side effects (weight gain, dependence,insomnia..etc.)

Thanks for your input!
ChingusKhan
To Ilovehim,

Meds are very personal and what works for one may not work for the other. This is a very important fact!! Not sure of the stats but I do know that is very common for people to have to switch meds at the beginning of treatment. What I mean is, a lot people start with one type, it doesn't work so they switch to another. It is very common. What is interesting is that the second med usually takes.

Long and short is get your perscription filled, try the med - whatever it is - and keep your doc / therapist apprised of how you are feeling. You should be seeing your doc / therapist at least once every two weeks at the beginning. If you don't think the meds are working, tell your doc / therapist and try a different drug.

Good luck and remember, depession is not you. It is a disease and it will pass. You are not abnormal, you are not flawed. You are little ill; you're brave enough to recognize that fact and you are smart enough to get help getting better.

Again, good luck and godspeed.


QUOTE(ilovehim @ May 3 2007, 04:34 PM) *
Good afternoon,

Hi, I just recently found this forum and i find it very helpful and supportive. I have been experiencing "post partum" depression since my son was 3 months old (he is now 9 months). It just keeps getting worse. I went from mild depression to full blown mode in no time. I'm currently seeking help and see a therapist every now and then she wants to put me on meds.

What is the Best med out there with the fewest side effects (weight gain, dependence,insomnia..etc.)

Thanks for your input!

swedishchick
Hi all!

I don't know if you remember me. I haven't been here in prolly somewhere between 6 months and a year, maybe longer.

In the past months I've actually started to find a way back to ME again. I've found meds that work (moclobemid) and life feels bearable again. Therapy has a lot to do with it aswell, maybe more than the meds. I've also moved to Japan. Getting away from home has been a good thing for me, not saying that's what everyone should do, but it has its advantages.

I've started working again, only 28 hours a week, but it's enough for me a the moment. For me it's a big accomplishment since I hadn't been working/studying for about a year before I came here in Feb. I also managaed to finally finish my master's thesis in Jan and I'm sooo proud of that... And being in another country can be really stressfull, but there are also considerably fewer "must-do's" here, compared to at home. The hubby being really supportive also helps... I'm still struggliung with some issues though, like over-sleeping and getting up in the morning, and some days are tough as hell, but I'm getting there, slowly...

So I guess I just wanted to say that I know believe it's possible to get rid of depression. It's damn hard, but possible. Ans it takes time. I'm still not fully recovered, but I really believe I will be.

10000000 hugs to all of you! You're sooooo strong, I know it!
DaisyJane
Hey everyone. Seems like depression has reared its ugly head again in my household. My boyfriend (we live together) used to see a therapist and deal with depression without medication, and 'got better'. Now its back for him. Hes so irritable, mean, depressed, etc. I suggested he see a psychiatrist and he lost it. He got so mad at me and went on about how he doesnt want to do that.

Finally after arguing for hours, he agreed to see someone.
I doubt he will ever make the appointment.

Now, his depression has triggered me. I feel like I cant do anything right. I ended up throwing up and crying last night all night.

I havent dealt with depression since i was in my teen years when i would self mutilate and all that. Now I have such an urge to do it again. I feel so shitty.

I dont know what im really looking for. Just talking i guess. Having a hard time not crying at work. The only thing keeping me from it is being able to type it out.

Anyway, thanks for listening.
rositachiquita58
Hi everyone,
I stopped seeing my therapist about two months ago, and I'm super-glad to have found a support group here. I found these music programs online that I'm thinking about trying: one is called Brain Sound Studio, and one is called Neural Noise Synthesizer. Check them out: http://www.hitsquad.com/smm/win95/EXPERIMENTAL/. They are supposed to help alter your mood through music and sound. They are both demos, and they probably have them for other operating systems, too.


I'd really like to tell my whole story, because I think depression is often a mixture of so many things...some people have hard things happen to them and bounce right back, others have no chemical imbalance but have had life experiences that make it harder to be happy. Some people have pretty okay lives but have chemical issues...and then there are people in between, which I think is probably the case with most people with depression--we have problems or issues and just find it harder to cope because we also have chemical issues.

I am graduating from college in less than a week, and it's been a really hard day. I'm trying either get rid of my car or get it fixed, but it is in another state (where it broke down at the end of spring break), and I can't find the title. I know a guy who might be able to help me go get it, but he doesn't have a phone...I am going to email him, but not being able to talk to him directly in real time is another added stressor. I am moving to Venezuela for six months in the fall, which is great, but until then I will be at home, where I have no friends and a slim chance of getting a job....nevertheless I am looking.

I have had a lot of trouble making friends at college---where it is supposed to be easier than anywhere else. Probably because my parents neglected me as a child and a teenager, and my dad is depressed and emotionally abusive. Also, music is my life, but I didn't get accepted to the conservatory here...so I am surrounded by people who are in orchestra and chamber groups together and bonding over juries and grad school auditions. I feel inferior and defensive every time someone asks me what my major is---because I chose to do a BA in music when it turned out I couldn't do a bachelor of music in performance. I had had tendonitis in my left had for three years when I got to college and had to switch to a smaller-sized instrument when I was a sophomore. Otherwise, maybe I would have been able to get into the program. I'm also really self-conscious about my body, and I haven't ever had a real romantic relationship (just things that lasted a few weeks every now and then).

Well, that's enough for now. Thanks for listening, and good luck to all of you who are having mental health issues, relationship issues, and money issues...I hope I will have a chance to be helpful to some of you in the future.

Lunalu
Hi all,

I'm very new to this thread, as far as I read, I found very helpful what everybody said.

I agree with rositachiquita58 that depression may have other components and when they all came together, it makes the lives difficult. and here is my story and some questions:
I had major depression five years ago and it wasn't really treated and it started recurring like a year ago now, and I started seeing a therapist, and I was diagnosed with major depression, general anxiety disorder and post traumatic stress disorder.
I have been seeing her every two weeks for the last 4 months and I got on medication, I started seeing a psychiatrist and started taking Zoloft 25mg for the last 2 motnhs. My psychiatrist suggested that Zoloft should take care off all possible symptomps and this is where I'm having trouble right now.

I'm overly depressed,hopeless, everything is meaningless, no pleasure in anything for a week or so and the next week depression is almost gone, I feel OK but suddenly start having anxiety/panic attacks, confusion. not being able to think straight, a heart pounding and extreme fears... Just when I start thinking everything is getting better my flashbacks kick in.. so every week has been a different story and I'm seeing my psychiatrist in a week and will talk about this soon. I'm just wondering if anybody has any idea on Zoloft, if it really has helped anybody with all these symptoms??
To me it seems it's helping with my depression a little but the other symptoms are either getting worse or the same. Any suggestion is welcome please so I can talk about it with my pysch.

Thanks everybody!!
annelise
antidepressants are very individual. maybe the psych was trying to allay your fears by saying that the drug should take care of everything, but it obviously isn't, and so you should tell him/her what you just told this thread, and see about adding to it/replacing it/changing the dose. it takes some time, sometimes, to find the right drug or combo of drugs, and dosages of those drugs, to help an individual's symptoms optimally. if you've been taking the drug consistently for two months, that should be enough of a trial to know that it isn't helping the way you'd like as it is. good luck.
Lunalu
I had my biggest, scarriest depression/anxiety crisis yesterday and i'm going to see my shrink in 3 days. Do you have any suggestions for any meds to use during crisis? I'll discuss it with my pysch.
sassafrass
I just want to say, in case your doctors decide to switch you to a different antidepressant; try to avoid Paxil. It has worked great for me, for many years, but getting off of it is a HUGE bitch. Really, really hard and painful. Apparently, Paxil is the (or one of the) most difficult drugs to be weaned off of. As for your anxiety attacks, I've been there and I know how horrible they can be, and I know that it can be really, really hard to keep slogging thru life in the midst of a depression. Some of the things that help me are, talking to people (or even just asking them to listen), getting out into nature (even if it's just standing a few feet outside my front door for 5 minutes) and, as corny as it sounds, watching or reading something funny. I know those "solutions" aren't going to cure your dep/anxiety, but they might get you thru the next hour, which is sometimes all we can ask for. This too shall pass, this too shall pass....
sassafrass
Sib, how are you doing?
Lunalu
QUOTE(sassafrass @ Jun 14 2007, 06:16 PM) *
Sib, how are you doing?



I finally got out of my crisis, but still mildly depressed sad.gif My therapist wants to see me twice a week now, I used to see her every other week. She's concerned about me, and I don't really like my psych. but I can't do anything about it because I'm making a big move in three weeks, so there is no way to change my psych. in this such a short time. I saw him last week and told him my concerns about Zoloft's not working, and he increased the doze from 25mg to 50mg. I had asked him to give me some other kind of reliever /sedative that I can take only when I feel like I'm in a crisis situation but he didn't agree with me.

Because of my frequent panic attacks, I actually saw a primary care physician and she had me have an EKG and other stuff, and nothing came out wrong and my physician said it's all pyschological and Zoloft 25mg is never enouught to treat depression and anxiety disorders and two months of a trial is too much.

My therapist agree with me too but my shrink is somehow hesitant or cautious about what he prescribes. maybe he's only scared of my earlier, overdose situations...

So I don't know, I'm just running away from my thoughts since I don't want to face a crisis, and that makes me feel so low and empty. I'm going up and down between depression and anxiety (panic attacks) and making a big move and possibly leave my treatment uncompleted.

I'm trying to exercise as much as I can but I can only force myself to swim once a week or twice. Funny movies, or books, I get distracted right away, but it sometimes help. Thanks for sugestions, though.
cinderflower
Because of my frequent panic attacks, I actually saw a primary care physician and she had me have an EKG and other stuff, and nothing came out wrong and my physician said it's all pyschological and Zoloft 25mg is never enouught to treat depression and anxiety disorders and two months of a trial is too much.

I know you can't just switch around your meds, but since I have had the history of depression I do (32 years at least, maybe more) I feel compelled to share at least what this SNRI does for me. I also had PTSD, and a low-grade chronic depression for all those years with four or five major bouts of no-getting-out-of bed-for-a-couple-of-months clinical depression. No mania, I know I'm not bp or schizophrenic, just depressed. No agoraphobia, no panic attacks, just a lot of morosity. I tried about seven different antidepressants over the years and nothing worked. They just didn't do anything. Except for Prozac, and it did nothing for the depression but it gave me a flat affect and a really bad memory. Endep, Sinequan, Desyryl, I can't remember them all. But I've been doing this for years.

The end of last August I started taking Cymbalta, 40 mg. a day. I have also heard the horrible stories about weaning off of it, but why would I want to stop taking it when everything is fine? (ha) For once, I don't have the crushing oppression to deal with every day, the sense of impending doom, and the thought of "more torture". I will probably always have the wry personality that I have because I've grown accustomed, but I feel so much better.

I've had a panic attack twice, I think. And once I'm positive that it was the aggregate effect of smoking weed every day for a week in the evening to fall asleep, so I stopped doing that. I don't drink alcohol at all, or do drugs (OTC or recreational) and I stopped smoking cigarettes in 1989. I hope this isn't too depressing, that you might start thinking, "God, I have to wait until I'm almost 50 to even feel a little bit better? WHY BOTHER?" but I'm telling you--the right antidepressant might not fix everything, but it beats the hell out of having nothing. I am a firm proponent of talk therapy as well, but even that can't take care of everything all by itself.

Hang in there.
cinderflower
I don't know why this posted twice. I wasn't THAT excited about it.
sassafrass
Sib, I'm glad to get an update on you. I recently switched from Paxil to Zoloft. I had been weaning off the Paxil, AGAIN, and was down to 3 mg a day, thinking I didn't really need an antideppressent after all, and wouldn't it be nice to save that $ every month? But my seratonin-deprived brain made me so depressed, and seeing that both my brother and mother are on zoloft permamently, I reasoned that I am likewise "doomed" to need a pill (on the other hand, at least there's a pill for me, eh?), but decided that returning to Paxil felt like defeat, so I switched to Zoloft. Anyway, the point is, that my doc (just a regular family doc, not a shrink) put me on 50 mg and I did that for a week. On saturday (yesterday), I put myself on 100 mg (I tried to call the doc to ok it w/him but the clinic was already closed: I'll call him monday), b'cuz, altho' the deep deppressed feeling was mostly gone, I still felt like EVERYthing was SO much effort and just sucked, and all I wanted to do was lie in bed all day (but can't). Maybe it's psychosomatic, but after just 1 day I feel SO much better. Maybe today's just a good day.
sassafrass
Sib, another thought: I totally understand about wanting some kind of sedative for the panic-times. Since your shrink isn't willing, have you considered going to a regular doctor, like a family doctor? Somehow, I'm one of those people who NEVER get drugs from doctors---so annoying---yet other people I know (like my mother) practically get pills thrown at them. It must depend on the doctor.
You mention a big move in a few weeks. I know for me, moving is REALLY stressful. Do you have any kind of support system to get you thru this move? Is there any way I can help you?
lunia666
worest part about depression the times when am happy happy happy and then go sad sad sad
Moon
Hi..Im a newbie.
I dont know what is going on with me but I suspect its depression. It could be that im just overly jaded and disgusted with the world but who knows wink.gif
I used to be a somewhat overly social person. Shy child but social adult. The past few months I find myself screening my calls, not wanting to make any new friends or do anything social. I have gotten into this mindset that everyone is judgemental and I cant trust people anymore. I dont find much joy in anything either. The thing is I dont really care if I have friends and I dont leave the house for days sometimes. I have also put on quite a bit of weight this past year. I got so sick of dieting to fit into the societal expectations that I said fuck it. I could probably go on like this for quite awhile but I feel eventually I could affect my relationship. I think my partner must find me negative and I know my weight gain bothers him whichs bothers me because It shouldnt bother him KWIM?
Sometimes I think I would be happier just leaving him. Hes not a bad guy. I just wonder if we are quite suited for eachother.
Thanks for letting me ramble. Nobody knows how I feel. I never talk about it.
sassafrass
Hi Moon, thanx for sharing (ooh, I hope that doesn't sound cheesey--I meant it sincerely). There haven't been many posts lately on this thread. I just wanted you to know someone read your post. I know how you feel. I'm just coming out of a depression (thanx, Zoloft!) and it started w/the same feelings you're having. I've also gained some weight this past year and keep debating whether or not to try to lose it (I mean, it may seem obvious to lose it, but that would mean such effort and deprivation and, unless I maintain that regimen for life, I'll just gain it back...so, maybe just stay the way I am and accept it?). Anyhoo, I'm here each day, checking this thread, so if you (or anyone) want(s) to talk some more---please do! Good luck to you!!!!
annelise
my bf is going through really really bad depression lately, and i just don't know what to do. i just remind him that i love him, and that he's not alone. i'm freaking out about an impending move, and various financial and bureaucratic headaches keep me up at night--we're quite a pair these days.

but yeah, this thread is being read, and people might not be posting much, but they care. and moon, do you have anyone at all to talk to about this? please talk more on this thread--we're here to listen.

i realized very suddenly last week that i'm a much higher weight than i realized--not a big deal, but i certainly don't want to gain any more. i'm just going to try to eat healthier, and switch to skim milk, because i get way too neurotic if i worry about my weight.
Lunalu
QUOTE(lunia666 @ Jun 18 2007, 12:14 PM) *
worest part about depression the times when am happy happy happy and then go sad sad sad


Lunia666,

have you ever looked into Bipoler Disorder thread? My boyfriend has bipolar. that's the main characteristic of BP --being happy associated with mania or hypo mania and then depression.... I'd suggest you to see somebody to get help if you haven't done so.
Of course it may not be BP, but still it is important to talk.
Lunalu
QUOTE(sassafrass @ Jun 17 2007, 05:23 PM) *
Sib, another thought: I totally understand about wanting some kind of sedative for the panic-times. Since your shrink isn't willing, have you considered going to a regular doctor, like a family doctor? Somehow, I'm one of those people who NEVER get drugs from doctors---so annoying---yet other people I know (like my mother) practically get pills thrown at them. It must depend on the doctor.
You mention a big move in a few weeks. I know for me, moving is REALLY stressful. Do you have any kind of support system to get you thru this move? Is there any way I can help you?



Yes, I actually saw a primary physician for my anxiety, but she also didn't want to prescribe anything because i already have a psych. and I'm seeing my psych. on friday one more last time, before I move, and thinking to tell him Zolof didnt do anything good to me, I'm either the same as before I started on Zoloft, or worse. That's what I decided because I'll have been using 50mg. increased dose for 2 weeks on friday and i don't see any positive effect on me.
Yes, moving is so stressful, i don't know where i have what now, and it'll be worse when i move.
Well, i'm moving with my boyfriend, and a cat, and a dog, and 1700miles road to drive, it will be an adventure. i trust my boyfriend for the support but there is nothign he can do about financial or education problems...
is there anyone here from Portland-OR?
Lunalu
ooh by the way, you depressed busties..

Is there anyone who can tell me if it's easy or normal for you guys to talk about your depression with your family or boyfriend/girlfriend? or is it hard?

It's been always hard for me because whenever i try to talk about how i feel, it triggers my emotions and i get another crisis. i'm wondering if everybody is like that, or if you have any suggestions?
Moon
Thanks SassaFrass smile.gif I appreciate it!


QUOTE(sib @ Jun 20 2007, 08:36 PM) *
ooh by the way, you depressed busties..

Is there anyone who can tell me if it's easy or normal for you guys to talk about your depression with your family or boyfriend/girlfriend? or is it hard?


No I cant talk to my partner about it. I feel like when I try to he just brings up all of my imperfections and what I need to change. The way I have been feeling lately that is the last thing I need to hear. Ive been feeling alot more insecure lately so when I hear something negative it absolutely crushes me. I feel like I need to be emotional stroked. Kwim?
Oh and add this to the list of depression. Sleep. I love it and could do it all the time. Today was better however. I made myself clean my house and get out and get alot of stuff done. I tried not to think about stuff when I felt sad. Kind of trying to keep busy and talk myself out of it. We will see how long that lasts wink.gif
Thanks for listening everyone. Im glad I can vent here. I feel like I cant talk to anyone else about this. Actually I dont want to unless it gets worse, then Ill go see a Dr.
runningwestward
Hi. I'm coming out from under my log. I was diagnosed with depression about 2 months ago and have been on Effexor ever since. I suspected I had depression though late grade school and most of high school. My parents never really did much but tell me to get over myself and that they didn't want to see the bad moods and to smile no matter what. Which wasn't much help. My symptoms for this latest round started in the fall and by February I had to fight to get out of bed in the morning and to get through my day. I was crying a lot at home and at work. I had a lot of negative and scary thoughts. Like there was a sound track in my head telling me I sucked and wasn't good enough. I finally did something when the soundtrack got too loud one night at running practice and I was just had to walk away and cry. That was the final straw. I could deal with it during the day at work and at home but not when I was doing something I loved. Things got better when I started the drugs. And I found I'd be good for a few days and then sort of revert. I had a few episodes of not being able to move. I'd get stuck in the shower, cryign on teh floor, or if something silly would happen like the time my mousse cake was too runny I'd just get overwhelmed and become catatonic for the rest of the day. Butt hen my dose would increase and I'd be good for a few more days. To add to all of this I started noticing how anxious I got in certain situations especially in crowds and around food. Combine the two and oh my I was like a deer in the headlights. I can't take the bus anymore. I don't go shopping with out my fiance. Getting to work is a trial as I have to take the bus on rainy days. I panic when men get on the elevator with me or sit beside me or are anywhere near me. But the funny thing is I'm fine at work and at practices and at races. I'm really lucky that the boy has gone through this with his mom before and is so supportive. I can talk to him about everything and never feel like he'll bring up my faults or belittle me. He can just look at me now and know when the soundtrack in my head is getting too loud and all I can hear is the negative things. This is great as my mother is completely the opposite and thinks it's a load of crap and that all I have to do is put on the happy face and not say anything about it. Just repress it all. I'm going to start behavioral coginative therapy soon. I'm really nervous about it. What can I expect from this? Sorry this was so rambly, I got typing and this is what came out. I'm too tired to go back and read it. Yeah that's the other thing... I'm all over the sleep. I could sleep for days!

Moon - I didn't want to go to the doctor either but it was so worth it. It is hard to wrap your head around but this is a health condition. It's not you per say it's a health thing... would you ignore pain in your chest? If there was a medication to treat it and prevent a heartattack wouldn't you take it? That's what I had to hear before I went to the doctor.
sassygrrl
I have a hard time telling my boyfriend about it. Yet, he's becoming more supportive. I don't think he's ever dealt with someone who's had depression. My parents are the worst, b/c they think that I can just "snap out of it. " So I basically hid it from them.. I was on meds for a while, but therapy is helping more.

Yeah, sleep. This week has been really bad. I found out I got denied unemployment, so I'm been in bed the whole week. Bed to futon. I' m tried to get out. But it's basically only been a trip to a store. Or to my boyfriend's house.

I'm dreading going to my parents house next week. 4 days of hell. Right now I don't have a job, and I know they're going to yell at me.

Sometimes keeping myself busy helps. Cleaning the house or going for a run...yoga also helps.

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