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themeiu
runningwestward,
I know how you feel about the reluctance/remembering to journal. I have definitely had problems with being to critical of what I write. It's better if I don't try to plan out what I'm going to say, just have a very freeform running dialog. And it helps if I don't reread what I've written, at least for a while. That way I have less opportunity to be self-criticizing. It not about what you're writing/feeling, but just providing an outlet and a way for possibly latent feelings to bring themselves to the surface. Sometimes these things stay inside us, and we don't even know they're there because we haven't given them the space, but they still effect our everyday experience.
candycane_girl
themieu, surprisingly I had never actually heard of doing that before and don't worry, you didn't sound preachy at all. Looking back on it now, it's kind of strange that my psychologist never really addressed what to do when I felt that depressed. Well, she did mention the journal thing and sometimes it helps.

I feel kind of embarrassed that I'm going to have to see my new counselor on Monday and say, "Guess what, after 3 years of not cutting I ended up cutting myself again!"
knorl05
..depressed.. today.
candycane_girl
knorl, I can kind of relate to what you just said. I often feel like men have that same idea of women. I hate that I can be so damn emotional and unstable and that's almost what men expect of me. I feel like life would be easier if I was just a robot.
knorl05
candycane: i think it's a tragedy that we are losing so many people to anxiety, depression, suicide, addiction.. simply because (what i have noticed) people are afraid to express and accept themselves.
candycane_girl
I don't really know what to say Knorl. I mean, what you've said is very interesting but I just don't know how to respond.

sassygrrl
Knorl, interesting thought.

Been having a bad week. I started my job Monday, and it seems every day is getting worse. The most recent incident being that a co-worker stole money. Ugh. Yes, this job is better than my last one (at least as far as the company), but I really don't like my co-workers. I'm just happy that I'm only working the weekends..and I don't have to put up with the bitch that stole the money from me. Not to mention that my boss really seems to loathe me. I honestly think it may be a race issue. Funny, because IKEA is supposed to be so damn diverse.

Then Mcgeek and I are still fighting over his ex wife. I thought we'd be over this by now. Yet, she still has keys to his house, and stuff everywhere. One of the reasons that I'm staying at my apartment.

It's just taken every ounce of strength in me not to cry every day this week. Hell, I cried at work today. That shouldn't be happening on my first week!!

Hopefully, journaling and having a day off will help me.

((everyone))

snarky7
knorl - your thought hit home for me tonight.

i've been more down than up lately and i'm trying to pinpoint why...
MAYBE - work's overly stressful and i'm travelling again tomorrow (3rd out of 4 weeks) and that just makes me get behind in everything else i'm doing...
OR - i'm feeling a little overwhelmed in my relationship - i feel like i haven't had much *me* time lately and it's getting to me...
OR - i need to lose 10 pounds again and feeling fat makes me unhappy about myself...
OR - i compare myself to even my good friends and think how pretty and "cute" they all are and that they have their lives together and my appearance of such life being "together" feels like a big sham...
OR - something else - i'm not sure...

i need to sleep but instead i'm sitting here on the verge of tears not sure what to do. i have to catch a stupid flight tomorrow early for work and i'm dreading that too. i just want to run away and come back later. maybe to a sunny beach somewhere without human contact (bringing my 50 SPF)... that would be nice.

sassy, i hope you feel better soon
how's everyone else doing?
knorl05
snark: yep. i know how you feel....
candycane_girl
(((sassy))) I'm sure your work situation will get better. The first week can be hard, it's kind of like being the new kid.

I completely understand that feeling that you ladies are talking about. I hate using bad metaphors but I kept describing it as a gray cloud that just stays over me. Luckily I haven't been feeling it very much (I think mainly due to medication) but I'm sending happy vibes to everyone who still feels it.
kaylafresh
Hey Ladies!!! Here's a blog on depression that is so hilarious, irreverent and INSPIRING!!! This girl is trying to pick herself up and dust herself off after losing her job, losing her boyfriend and her Mom losing her mind. http://www.100daysinbed.blogspot.com/
lananans
Today has been an awful day. I went to Toronto for the weekend to a) graduate recruitment test for government jobs, and b)visit family. however, I forgot my meds and as a result have been suffering from what I can only describe as quasi-panic attacks all day. As my dad was driving me to the train station I started crying and my chest felt all tight and I felt worse than I have felt in a very very long time (aka pre-meds). And then I started feeling better as I ate some chocolate and listened to Christmas music on my ipod on the train ride home. Now I'm in my room, trying to do a 12 page essay that's due on Wednesday (i have almost 4 pages thus far) and am okay one minute, but not okay the next. I'll be happy and thinking yes i can do this! this essay will be ok! one second, and then another second i feel like i'm going to die, fail the class and end up a failure. I hate feeling this way.
kaylafresh
Lananans,
My heart goes out to you, I've been there. I'm sure it is more your state of stress and worry than a withdrawal from the meds. Everyone's meds should be in there system for days so don't worry that you've done something bad. I'm sure your essay will be great! You sound so much like me where I freak out whenever something is due and imagine it dooming my whole life. It HAS NEVER happened before, it's just my way of sabotaging myself. I try to think positive and think "the only reason I really worry is because I care and I'm a hard worker. I want others to see that." I'm sure you feel that too. I think it's great you are reaching out. Be kind to yourself. Can you take a bubble bath? Go for a walk? Godd luck!
lananans
kayla,
thanks for the advice. Thinking "the only reason i worry is because i care and i'm a hard worker and I want others to see that" makes a lot of sense to me. I do work very hard and i find that I just don't deal with the stress that is associated with that very well. But I'm feeling better this morning, about to go to work. I'm going to try and finish the essay later today and then I'll feel very relieved.
kaylafresh
Lananans,
Good for you! I know you are like "tunnel" vision to get that project done, when I'm like that, eating well, exercising and time for myself go RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW. No wonder we feel stressed!!! Try, if you can, to give yourself 20 minutes - to stretch, to make a gossipy phone call, to read a trashy magazine or just to journal about how stressed you are. When you put it aside, the creativity will come!!!

xo, K
lananans
I'm on page 7 of the essay almost... so that's positive... I'm doing much better today. Mostly just worried about the conversation that I have to have with my housemate about the placement of her bedroom furniture. Her bed is now against a wall that we share, and lets just say that every time she moves my wall makes a noise, and her boyfriends stays over practically every night. Last night I was up at 3am with noise cancelling headphones and the tv on to block it out. My bed used to be against that wall, and I know that she probably heard me and my boyfriend, because it works both ways, but I feel that I have the right to ask her to move her bed, because it was completely within her right to ask me to do so if it bothered her. And it is rreeeeally bothering me. So I will talk to her. But yeah, enough of that ranting, I'm feeling better... going to get through this damned essay today!
sassygrrl
Lana, glad you're feeling better.

Kaylafresh, I took a look at that website earlier today and loved it. smile.gif

Weird Saturday for me. I went to this great conference on epilepsy with my boyfriend. I called my dad to tell him about it, and he completely chewed me out. For no fucking reason. So, I went to LUSH and bought some bath bombs. It mades me seriously consider my holiday plans. Parents can be such asshats. I really think he wants to pawn my medical problems on my boyfriend now. Sort of like "Well, you can take care of her now. We're thru." Sad realization but probably true. He said something similiar to my ex-fiancee.

((everyone)))


loonlake
Hi everyone...I've been a Bustie for awhile but haven't ventured over to this thread...my depression has been very very bad lately, and I have been filled with anxiety and fear and sadness. Last night I had a breakdown in front of my parents and sister (sobbing, etc.) and while they have seen it before, it's been awhile and it freaked them out...at my apartment there was an "intervention" with my family and my boyfriend...they want me in therapy ASAP. I want to go too, but I have been so busy at work I haven't had time to get that together. It's strange...I quit taking Lexapro cold-turkey 2 weeks ago because I figured that it wasn't doing much for me. Um, I think I was wrong...because now, I am so down that I can hardly even concentrate at work. Sigh...I hate being on medication...and Lexapro made me overly hungry (weight gain) as well as a bit drowsy. I had bad bad side effects getting off of it, and now I am thinking about going back on because this pit of despair is so bad, so scary...my mind is trying to kill me...

Has anyone else ever felt a huge difference getting off an antidepressant (whether good or bad)?

I know that this is not me! I want to be me again!!!
kaylafresh
Hi, here's the thing, no one should ever go off their anti-depressents cold turkey for exactly the symptoms you described. The good news is, you can know that the mood you're feeling is not your fault - it's just a result of crashing off the meds. The most awesome advice I ever got was "you can just do meds, you have to do meds & therapy." Meds dull the pain/depression but all those problems are still there. I don't blame you for getting upset and crying - I would have too - I would have felt ganged up on and vunerable, That said therapy is such a great tool to take "YOU TIME" and talk about your stresses. I've been going through a two year depression (loss of job, BF and death and the family) and I'm finally turning the corner - but I'm working my butt off to do it... and reaching out really helps. Good luck, girl.
aliboo
Quitting meds cold turkey is definitely not a good thing to do! How long were you on the meds? Just want to know if you gave them a fair chance to work... and if you really feel they aren't working..you should also discuss with your doctor other options as well.
kaylafresh
Loonlake,
Also, remeber of you go back to anti depressants it could be Prozac plus Wellbutrin, it could be a combo of things. My Dad's on Lexapro and he's tired all the time, They don't always get the neds right the first time.

runningwestward
Bad patient comin' through! I have an appointment to chat with my quasi- therapist this afternoon. (Quasi because the GPs here act in that role as well which is kind of neat). I haven't journaled all month like I said I would. I abandoned tracking my day to day mood like I told myself I would. I want to get better (I hope anyways) but I feel like I'm sabatoging myself. I just don't know how to motivate myself to write. It's all in my head. That running commentary in my head that won't translate itself to paper. Or at least there seems to be a disconnect between head and hand and paper. I'm like that for all writing. My thesis took forever, I've been procrastination on publications for work. Its up there but when it comes to putting pen to paper and getting it out it won't flow - the opposite of verbal diarrhea (that I also suffer from), verbal constipation. I can't write to save my life. No wonder I'm an enginerd.

Loonlake - I may be a terrible patient in the non medication front but I can understand medication (it's tangible - what can I say I like science and all that). And I know that not every med works the same for everyoen. So it's important to be honest with your doc and let them know everything. Especially if you aren't happy with a side effect. The goal is to make you hapier and if you suffering constant headaches or exhaustion from the meds well then they aren't the meds for you. I'm on Effexor. It gives me energy but I've noticed things like I'm a little more reckless (but I'm aware of it so I can keep it in check) and once in a while I get little headed or get a terrible headache. But those I can deal with. If I was tired all the time I put my foot down.
loonlake
Thanks for the feedback from everyone...I went back on Lexapro the day after I wrote the post. I think for now I need the stability that it creates...
I started therapy this morning, too. I really hope that I can make it work by doing the work I need to do!

I want to feel joy again.

runningwest-- I totally understand how hard it is to express on paper what is going on in your mind...my mind works at lightning speed (negative thoughts, paranoid feelings, fears, etc.) and my pen can never keep up nor define what is going on in my head.

A ((hug)) for everyone who has to deal with the storm clouds...

kaylafresh
LoonLake,
Good for you! It's so hard when we feel depressed but facing it is the best, most empowering and smart thing you can do. One thing that works for me is writing in a journal, just writing and getting all the ick out. I swear, it really helps to name the fear, etc., and then take it's power away. It's also good to read positive entries on "bad days" so I can remember that there's more to me than being bummed out.
tongue.gif
loonlake
Thanks kaylafresh!

I think keeping a journal is essential too, and I really have to start trying to scribble about positive things going on so I can remind myself about them on especially sad days...
snarky7
(loon)(kayla)(running) - sounds like y'all are having a tough time. Thinking about ya!

I haven't been in here again in awhile - I've been a little teeny bit better since my work trip got done. I spent the week trying to stay focused on all the work stuff I've been putting off, and tried to enjoy my free time vs. stress about work (VERY HARD FOR ME). I still am kind of like a bunch of firecrackers...i'll burn awhile, then explode. I will have times where i'm feeling good, then WHAMMO there I am again - pissy and sad and whatever...

I was under a bit more control awhile ago - still no drugs for me - no change there. i dunno. i guess it is the "randomness" of it all that i just don't understand....
candycane_girl
Hi all. I just came in here to see how everyone is doing. I definitely have to agree on the journaling thing, it always helps me to get out my bad feelings.

Luckily I've been doing better lately but I've missed a lot of classes lately and I was unprepared for a test on Friday. Eep! I know it sounds weird cause obviously this behaviour doesn't match how I feel but I'm getting better, honestly.
Muffy
I was feeling pretty good for the past few days despite the fact that the girl I liked decided she doesn't wish to see me anymore, I have a dead end job with what seems to be no hope of ever bettering myself... but I started a yoga class.Which I guess is a start. I was keeping 'busy' all week, I guess to keep my mind off things... then last night I came home from work realized I had the weekend off, no plans and no girl! My best friends were home last night so they invited me over to their place and we hung out. I'm so glad I didn't have to sit home last night. but I feel like a pest calling them every single day because I start to feel badly about myself and there's no one to talk to. I'm fine when I'm with my friends, its when I have time to think and write that it all goes badly, I don't have any new books to read right now either.
kaylafresh
Hey Muffy (and fellow Rhody Girl!),
I think it's awesome that you are reaching out to friends. It's really hard for me to do too, but I think it helps so much. Don't just think of it as you leaning on them and being a burden - friendship is a 2 way street and sometimes I think when we are suffering, we see who our real friends are. I'm sorry it didn't work out with you and your girl. I would say, take this time to do what feels good for you, even if it means distracting yourself but soon, the only way you can really move on is face the sad feeelings you feel that the relationship is over. (I know that sucks, cuz that is where the hurt is!!) Keep coming back, I know for me, it's nice to know I'm not alone!)
Muffy
kaylafresh, oh I've had the sad feelings before we even ended it I knew it was most likely over, but I tried to work things out with her and spent last weekend completely miserable... Last Sunday night I decided I wasn't going to let her get me down, then she broke it off and I was still resolved that I wasn't going to cry anymore... I think I tried so hard to just feel good that I ended up wearing myself out by friday! I went to bed at like 11pm on a Saturday night because I couldn't even keep my eyes open and slept till 9am.

yes you do find out who your real friends are, they are the people that are right there when your down.
candycane_girl
Muffy, I'm glad you were able to hang out with your friends! Sometimes I've felt my worse when I feel like even my friends don't have time for me. Of course, there is more to it than just that (we all have our own responsibilities and not everyone can just drop everything for a friend who is down) but it used to hurt. However, I've had a lot of talks and know that my true friends are there for me.

I think it's good that you aren't thinking about that girl anymore. I saw you mention her over in the crush thread and like we all said, you deserve much, much better!
Muffy
candycane_girl, I know what you mean when your down and your friends aren't around to cheer you up. I think its happened to everyone at some point. Its not fun. The girl told me she didn't think it was going to work out, after much emails back and forth, she ended up getting rid of me. I haven't had the 'joy' of someone openly rejecting me, in awhile, it kind of sucks.

hope everyone had a good weekend, of course now its back to work and stuff... boo.
opheliathemuse
hello..
I'm thinking possibly (and two of my docs have suggested it) that I am depressed. I am a quiet, reserved person by nature and don't really require much social time to make me completely content. However, every month just preceding and around the onset of my menses I want to commit suicide. I don't mean this metaphorically or that I am in pain. I simply have such mental stress and pain that I consider ending my life several times for several days each month. It's becoming very onerous and it ended my relationship with someone I still love. I have gone to a few therapy sessions but I am very talented at keeping it together, even when deliberately telling about my various faults and problems. The doctor, who has seen my entire family seems to think I am undergoing a normal amount of strain for what I have gone through in life and am perfectly sane. Sane sure, but it's not normal to want to die every month with such predictability. I mean, at least I can rationalize my way out of it for that reason alone. I guess why I am here is because I've tried going everywhere I am supposed to. My primary suggested Lexapro immediately before even asking what was the matter, and I thought perhaps I had something else wrong with me, and it turns out that my immune system is now pretty much dead, so I am right. But also it seems that my neurochemical levels are not normal. I take two anti-convulsants, Depakote and Zonegran, both of which are psychotropics, affecting the mood. We're a little uh...what the hell now. I feel trapped.
Muffy
opheliathemuse, I too feel depressed around my menstral cycle I don't know about you but mine doesn't subside when the cycle is through.

Honestly I've never seen anyone about it because my health insurance doesn't cover much and part of the reason I'm so depressed is the amount of bills I have from two life-saving surgeries... so I'm alive but now I have a stack of medical bills that I can only make payments on with my retail paycheck and I can't afford to move out of my parents' house and subsequently away from my controlling manipulative mother. I'm pretty sure I have depression as I have a tendency to just not be able to snap out of my bad moods like people think I should be able to. There are times when I'm just not happy, I don't want to get out of bed, leave the house, ect. I too have been pretty good at covering up how I'm feeling. I have always felt like I need to be the strong person for my friends and family so I don't always tell them when I'm feeling really down. I have found keeping a journal very helpful. I believe some people on this thread have mentioned keeping a journal. I'm also an artist which I think has been one of the only things keeping me semi-sane all these years.

knorl05
muffy: sounds like your depression is more circumstantial than chemical in origin. i mean who wouldnt be depressed with such serious issues that leave you feeling not in control of your life? your health, your finances, your living situation, your over bearing mother.. sorry to hear things are so hard. just remember it's all temporary and just keep chipping away at all that negativity to find yourself in a better frame of mind.
candycane_girl
Muffy, is there any kind of community health centre that you can go to? I don't know how it works in the States but when I first saw someone it was for free because it was a community mental health centre. It did take a few months after my first evaluation as they had a waiting list but it helped just to talk to someone.
Muffy
candycane_girl, I don't know, I never really thought to look... it would probably be something I should look into thanks smile.gif
opheliathemuse
Sounding very familiar Muffy. Hope things are better for you right now...
In my characteristic way, I have become my version of normal the day my period began. Sheesh.
knorl05
de·pres·sion
–noun
Psychiatry. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

"any objective reason".. how many of us feel valid reason for our depression? here's a little philosophical inquiry: how do we know that, How we are, isnt simply Who we are?
opheliathemuse
a fascinating proposal, knorl!
runningwestward
I can't pin point a particular thing that started my depression last year. In the past I can contribute it to the way I was treated in school and a few things that happened along the way. But this time none of the previous things were there. I had just finished my Masters, had a great job, got engaged, had a good social circle. The only thing that really stands out is the previous New Years (2005/6) (bad bad bad) and my reaction to it was to essentially stop giving a shit. I partied more then before and did some things that I'm not too proud of but I didn't feel the way I did the following January (2007). I pulled my life together after 5 months and all of a sudden walked into the life I described above. Along the way I left behind a lot of the friends I was partying with since I was no longer interested in that lifestyle and did a 180. I love my life now and wouldn't go back to the way I was 2 years ago for all the money in the world. So with everything coming up roses (or Milhouse) I had to wonder why I wasn't happy. Or rather I was happy with my life in theory (I love my partner, and I was on track with my career) but I couldn't deal with a lot of things and that overwhelmed me. I stopped eating, I hated how I looked, I hated who I was. None of that was an issue when I was wild and crazy. But now it was an issue. I wasn't good enough. Was that just me? Was that who I really was when I actually start caring again? I wanted to believe I was not a person who couldn't get out of the shower, who thought of suicide, who hated themselves.

I only started feeling comfortable when the effexor kicked in. There are little things that tell me that this me is more me. I'm playing my violin again. I'm cooking and baking, I am interested in learning, I feel like I have the energy to care about stuff. I don't think the depressed me is the real me. I think about it as an illness and I don't want to be defined by an illness. So I have to take a chemical to balance it all out. Like diabetes. This is me. I like this me.
psychicfemme
Right on runningw, you go girl! smile.gif
opheliathemuse
I am very glad you're doing well rw. =)
I agree with you, and I believe that is the essential puzzle that many depressed people face daily: why do they feel unlike themselves in situations that are not always horrendous or extraordinary? I believe many depressed people descend into depression from a point from which they feel balanced and familiar with themselves to the scary, low point that most of them recognize as not themselves. The dichotomy to me is very interesting, and I am glad you and knorl brought it up.
candycane_girl
I've often felt that my depression is more situational. The first time I experienced it I was 12 and it had a lot to do with school and my home life. Since then it seems always like I experience depression when I'm in bad situations. Right now the situation I'm in isn't bad (I'm in the city I've always wanted to live in and at the uni I've always wanted to go to) but it was really difficult to just come to this city and not know anyone.

I find that a lot of my mood depends on my interactions with other people. When I have plans and I go out then I'm fine. But when I feel lonely or ignored by friends I feel incredibly depressed. However, ever since I started my meds again I have found that these things don't affect me as hugely as they used to. Before I would cut or just want to sleep all the time but now I can deal much better.
kaylafresh
Just checking in. hi everybody. It's weird because I come here because sometimes it's hard to go to my friends when I feel depressed - they love the upbeat me. But reading over your comments, I thought about what my therapist once said, "Your brain is an organ, just like any other organ. If you had liver failure, would you feel ashamed? Would you not treat it agressively?" That was really freeing for me to hear. I think my depression is situational too. But the power of the mind is so scary - how it can overtake you and pull all your desire away. But I'm journaling a lot and that's helping. (Wink, wink, Muffy - I'm going to bring one to you when I come to RI for x-mas LOL). Good luck with your Mom, too, it can be so hard to be in a living situation that you hate. But keep reaching out and try to surround yourself with some supportive friends.
Muffy
Thanks everyone, I was feeling a bit anxious and stressed yesterday, I had a lot of running around to do and lots of traffic to contend with, but am feeling better today.

kaylafresh, I find that sometimes just calling a friend (even if you don't hang out) and just talking makes me feel a bit better when I'm down. I don't like to feel like some sort of downer to my friends when I'm down either. You could just call to say 'hello' or ask how they're doing. I find that at least one of my friends end up telling me something that cheers me up, even when they don't know that I was down when I called. Its good to hear the journaling is helping. I will probably need a new journal by then smile.gif I try to write everyday and have been for years so can just imagine how many journals I have. I started going to yoga class which is also helpful because I find I feel really good and actually sleep that evening. The problem being some weeks I just don't have the money to go, though at least I can pay by the class which is awesome. I've been trying to cut down on trips to coffee shops just so I have money for yoga class. with the holiday season upon us and my retail job giving me more hours I know yoga class is going to be the one thing I look forward to. While my job is certainly not what I hope to do for the rest of my days I'm kind of glad they have been scheduling me for morning/afternoon shifts so I can at least have time to see my friends. Unfortunately next week I only have one day off sad.gif

I know exactly when was the first time I felt what I guess would be deemed depressed. It was like the joy of life was sucked out of me. I was in 10th grade had just come back from summer vacation and I liked school (just not everyone that went there) by 10th grade I was twice the size of the people that used to pick on me and they no longer picked on me. I got good grades, had good friends, dated quite frequently. There was really no reason why a 15 year old girl should be so unhappy, but I just was I couldn't explain it. It comes and goes. I've noticed as I've gotten older that it comes on somewhere after Halloween and lasts until sometime after the new year. Its not that it just goes away until the next year however, through out the year there will just be weeks that are better than others.
runningwestward
Muffy - have you looked into using a sun lamp type thing? Those are the high Lux output lamps that simulate sunlight you can get at medical device shops (it's not a tanning lamp). You sound like you suffer a little from SAD and this might help you. I have been using one for years. Just 30 minutes in the morning and it's great. My SAD takes the form of narcolepsy which while entertaining to friends it's not so helpful at work. But other symptoms for SAD are depression, lack of energy, disrupted sleep that appear as day light hours decrease. It's a problem here in the great white north. Today for example sunrise was at 7:30 and will go down by 4:30 and with the rain and mountains there seems to be even less sunlight.
kaylafresh
Good for you, Muffy. The Yoga thing is so smart. You know, a lot of yoga places will let you do the first class free. Can you switch it up and try a new place sometimes (to get the free class)? Also, Rodney Yee has awesome DVDs if you have a player in your room - sometimes you can get them at the library. You're inspiring.

snarky7
i relate to rw and kayla and candy... I've gone from bad to worse to fab to bad again all within days or within a day. i can relate to the situational part that you mention... i hang out with 3 girls from work pretty regularly - we call ourselves the "Fab 4" - we are all different in our own way, but we have a great time usually when we get together... my problem is, i look at them and look at me and think i'm the lowest of all when i rate us in looks, size, hair, etc. they are my friends? they include me? it's not like highschool and always being the one on the "outside"... but yet, i always leave our group feeling low and down and depressed and hating how my life is. I even do this with other friends that i've had for a much longer length of time. why is it that i put myself down? why am i not worth what they are? they don't make me feel this way...i feel this way.... sigh.

((((((BUSTIES))))))
Muffy
snarky7, sometimes you just have to accept that your must like you for you. They still hang out with you right? I sometimes worry if they don't like me as much as I think. then I hang out with them and realize I worry a little too much about what others think. though, I always think my friends are better, more interesting, more attractive, ect. I sometimes wonder if everyone doesn't feel this way and this is why some friendships are about being competitive while others are more nurturing. I try to stay far away from competitive people.

kaylafresh, I asked for yoga gift certificates for my birthday and x-mas so I'm hoping someone gets me one. the place I take yoga has that plan of course they implemented it after I started. I'll have to look around that is a good idea.


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