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coela
You're sweet. I'm lengthy. You're also probably right.

Me being rational & positive:

1) So what if Friend tells BWB everything I said. It's not like I said much anyway.
I said I liked him - how can that be bad? It's not bad. It's ok.
2) I'm not crazy in love or anything, so if nothing happens, then nothing happens.
It's no big deal.
3) I'm just going to shove anything mentioned about secshual performance
into the darkest and least visited space in my mind, shudder, click my heels
and resurface to reality. Gnnnnnhhh.

Me being rational & negative:

1) What if Friend totally distorts what I said to him and tells BWB I'm pretty much
ready to marry. And have kids. And two setters and a big old fireplace.
2) What if BWB thinks I'm hideous and has no inclination whatsoever to recall
any physical encounters with me, much less reenact them.
3) Why is BWB's friend talking about this whole makeout session from last year anyway?
It wasn't like I mentioned BWB during the evening, I didn't even imply ANYTHING,
and he still brought it up. Why? Is he just the gossipy kind? Curious? Is he trying to
match make, find out more about me (for BWB? or for himself?), or is he just the kind
who'll say anything to anyone?

And the kiss on the cheek, what was THAT about? Yesterday I thought it was sweet,
today I'm thinking "He thinks I'm a kid! He think's I'm pitiful! That was SO a pity kiss!
I am like the least secshual human being on the planet! It's ok for anyone to kiss me!"

It's only paranoia if they're not after you.

---

Oh, Friend also asked me LOTS of questions about my ex, about us breaking up, who broke up
(I did), how I felt about it, if I'm heartbroken still etc. This was really weird, since I don't know
the guy at all, I've met him maybe twice before, and this was the second time we ever talked.
The first time he just told me EVERYTHING about a socialist bombing in 1908.. for about an hour.
All this relationship talk makes me wonder even more. He even asked me when I had sex last!
And with whom! I told him it was on Midsummer, although I broke up with the boy 2 months later.
- What, you haven't had sex since Midsummer, and you were still going out until August?
- He lives in another town. I didn't get around to break up properly until August.
- Wow..

Ok, can I feel stupid now?

zoya
coela - urgh.

I hate when people ask things that I'm uncomfortable answering. I have learned an answer that comes in handy in situations like that (ie: if it ever comes up again)

if someone like Friend asks that stuff, like when I had sex last, etc.. my answer? "why do you want to know?"

gets em every time.

I hope it all turns out well. I think it will be ok.
coela

Zoya, yeah I know, weird. It's not like I normally would have a problem with saying what's it to you,
I guess I was just in a sharing mode, haha (i.e DRUNK). Did some research on Friend, though,
to see what he's up to. Guess he's just the kind who blabs a lot and likes a bit of drama & gossip.
Whatever. I don't really care anymore what he tells or doesn't tell BWB. If BWB wants to talk to me,
he knows where to find me. If not, WELL OK THEN. :-/

crazyoldcatlady
selfish threadhogging moment:

okay, so i went into a date tonight very very salty. never a good idea, but at least i had my fuckin wits about me to not drink, 'cause that would have been bad.

went to a concert, which was actually decent, but the whole time i kept thinking about how i hate the whole awkward dating culture to begin with, how i'm going to have to play nice, not act salty, and be Perkie McPerkson afterward when all i want to do is put on some fuckin' sweatpants and watch tv and essentially FTW (stolen from another bustie wink.gif ).... but i digress... (taking rant to is it called a crush... thread)

okay, sorry guys. i've been a total cunt all week, and shit just runs downhill, you know? i had to vent.
coela


crazyoldcatlady - You have MY full rant support, in any case.

No dates for me, however I went to a birdwatcher party (yes, a party with only birdwatchers) yesterday,
BWB wasn't there and I knew he wouldn't be, I mainly went for job purposes and to be "decent" to the
guy who invited me, b/c I know it's awkward when you invite people you know only from ze internet, and
then they don't show up, and you have to pretend like you don't feel bad about it when you continue
talking on ze internet. Blah-di-blah.

Anyway. It was VILE. I mean, nerds are alright, nerds are FINE, but nerds who also act like frat boys?
Nerds shouting and screaming while watching pictures of birds, non stop mentioning the words "gay", "whore",
"dick", "balls", "fuck" and just generally being annoying, loud and habitually disrespectful & sexist/homophobic.
I had a horrible time. Should have gone home, but the host showed pictures from a bird trip to Peru for about
3000 hours, and then I just felt I had to chit-chat for a while. God knows I tried to make lemonade from the lemons,
but the parting moment included an asshole trying to measure the area between my shoulders and nipple.
Then I felt it was time to go - for good.

Today I'm horribly hung over and woke up to being tagged in the host's facebook album, looking like a fat blob.
I messed him pretty uncharmingly and just said "Please remove me from your album. Thanks."
I don't care. I just want to die now.

coela


That last post should probably be in a "Do you ever feel that everybody else are big, old socially inepts dorks" thread,
or possibly the general "Men suck" thread, but since they arent around, this files under: "frustrated" in the first hand,
and "single" in second. But yeah, most definitely single too. And pissed off.

flanker_ji
(((coela))) Hugs for you. That sounds awful.

That is all.
Muffy
coela, bleh frat boys of any kind. *hugs*

crazyoldcatlady, I don't think it was too selfish of you to complain about dating. I believe this is what the thread is for. thankfully we are not alone in this... though it doesn't make it feel better. I was dating someone, not in a relationship but its over just the same... now its back to not having a date and trying to "put myself out there." I signed up to match.com about 2 weeks ago, it took me a week to get the motivation to actually complete my profile. I still haven't subscribed, not that anyone has done so much as attempt to contact me, so at least I'm not wasting my money.

Sometimes I just wish the perfect person would drop out of the sky. why does it have to be so damn difficult? I've been single for way too long.
erinjane
Ugh. The only time i get frustrated with being single lately, is when I get asked out by guys I'm not attracted to at all. There's one guy in my class that asked me out last week, but I told him I was too busy. Last night I ran into this guy I kind of know and he texted me today and said "The first two times we met by accident...What do you think about arranging the next one?" I'm completely unnattracted to both of them and just get annoyed that someone who's up to my standards never seems to get around to me.
northpole
Wow Busties, many of the stories you've related are common for me as a Buster as well:

- having dates that I thought might be so-so but having them turn out horribly, such as the time this woman felt 'comfortable' enough with me [on a first date, mind you] to start spewing racial slurs over coffee;

- trying to 'put myself out there' when I'd rather be at home wrestling with my cat;

- using online dating services but feeling kind of wonky and icky about the 'shopping' aspect of it ["Here's my checklist; let's see how that compares to what's in stock today."]

- having women that aren't particularly my type be attracted to me and approach me. Of course I'm flattered, but why is this the way it happens?

Some day, North, some day ...
crazyoldcatlady
coela: isn't it funny how this thread and the "socially inept dork" thread coincide? dating is so artificial and so awkward; like, *painfully* awkward. at the end of my date fri, the guy was like, "can i get a hug?" and i'm thinking, "how about you not fucking touch me?" but it came out as "yeah sure."

don't get me wrong; this guy is nice/interesting enough, but there is NO chemistry there. none.
and if that's not there, hugging/touching is about as uncomfortable as embracing your priest.*

*and i'm talking about non-Thorn-Birds priests.

muffy: yeah, i didn't want to just bust in and throw down without respecting what other convos were going on, but i had to throw up some where, and it just happened to be this thread wink.gif

north: what's in stock today? lol...
flanker_ji
I definitely feel most socially inept in the dating world, for the exact reasons you gave, COCL.

I think the "shopping" aspect of online dating is what icks me out too... good analogy, north.
snow white
i went on a date w/ a guy from internet land and we had a good time but there wasn't that real spark there, for me anyway. ~

and so i came home from the date thing feeling lonely and a little depressed. one of my girlfriends called me and of course asked 20 questions about my date and she just had an attitude like "oh, god your so picky". jesus... i've been trolling on-line sites and i'm like, omg, i hate everyone! i'm goiong to be single forever but i don't want to date someone i'd rather be friends with...
Muffy
snow white, yeah I have the online profile but there are days when I read the profiles and think hmm cute but I don't have inclination to actually meet this person because they seem utterly uninteresting.

and I do feel a bit like I'm shopping. though all the questions that they make you answer and essays you need to fill out border on insanity. I don't care if they don't answer all the ridiculous questions but if they don't even fill in the 'about me' part they are not getting a response for me. call me picky but you can't write a few sentences about yourself then you are not the person for me.

btw still haven't subscribed to match.com, two people sent me 'winks' but they live 100's of miles away! I feel sometimes like people sign onto these online dating sites just to boost their self-esteem and not actually meet in person for dating. I don't want a long distance relationship, been there done that. I want to be able to have dinner with said person at the drop of hat. there's no fun spontanity with long distance, it gets old really fast.
candycane_girl
I find it funny that most of my really high matches do not interest me at all. One of the guys I've been seeing is only a 58% match (perhaps that's why it's more of a physical thing) but the match percentage doesn't seem to matter cause we get along great and he's a lot more interesting than my other matches.

I also have to agree with Muffy that if you can't even attempt to describe yourself then you are not worth my time.
coela

Went to hear M0mus speak at a friend's gallery, it was intimate & cozy. I met so many people
who were happy to see me, which always makes me smile. It's nice to be missed. It's extra
nice to be missed by guys... when you're frustrated. I tolerated heaps of smalltalk for a couple
of good smiles and warm hugs. Maybe that's what people usually do. Even listened to a rant
about someone's 17 year old cat. Which was good of me, but I got a glass of wine for the effort, so..

I just kept thinking about this guy who always asks me what I'm up to every weekend, in a very
casual, random sort of way, but regardless, he always IM:s me and asks me where I'm going.
We met tonight as well, he's keeping a lot of distance to people when he talks, doesn't hug,
and always seems to be on his way to somewhere. But he asked me where I was going and if we
should meet up later. During the evening this led to some texting and two calls, but no meeting.
This happens every other weekend, actually. I think we've managed to do something together
like 4-5 times, most of which were with other people, and 1 was an afternoon when the two of us
drove around in his car and photographed stuff together, sightseeing locally. It was great - slightly
awkward, but still great. He's a weird mix of calm and on edge - cool temper, but very witty and
mentally somewhat high strung. Although he doesn't seem nervous or bothered at all, he's definitely
not "relaxed", or "natural". Which is weird, because he's so genuine at the same time.

He is very nice to me, but at the same time so, erh.. cool? Like he's always super busy and juggling
offers/ friends. He seems to be a bit of a hipster, although he very much denies it, and claims
he'd like to meet people more one on one, that clubbing is so pointless, and parties at people's houses
are so much better than concerts. He also told me that he's actually on the verge of a breakdown,
and seeing a therapist. His parents died a couple of years ago, and Christmas (among other things)
is very hard on him.

I don't know. I like him, and if he wants to hang out with me, I'd be happy to. It's just that I'd like to know
that he actually wants to see me for ME, and not like I'm one of 25 different offers on the weekend menu.
But I guess it comes with the hipster territory... Sometimes I think he's just insecure, and doesn't want to
sound too keen, sometimes I think he actually IS super busy and has a million places to go.

candycane_girl
coela, it's hard to say with that guy. Like you said, he might just be insecure and not trying to sound too keen or he might actually be busy. I would just try to take it easy and see what happens, don't rush things.

I had a date with the really cute blonde guy last night. We ended up back at my house and we were cuddling when he asked me how many boyfriends I have had. I told him the truth (I've had two) but just saying it out loud made me really depressed.

I sometimes think that I'm just not pretty enough, no one will ask me out, but I know that's not even it because I know way too many pretty girls who don't have much in the line of relationships either.

But just thinking about the fact that I haven't had many relationships, and yet so many sexual ones, really brought me down and I got a bit teary eyed. He comforted me though, which was nice. We cuddled and kissed for the rest of the night.
coela
candycane girl, I'm the epitome of taking it easy. No rush here, for sure. :-P
Unless he himself throws himself at me, which doesn't seem to happen anytime soon.

Good for you, to cuddle & kiss with a cute guy! Couldn't have been all bad, then?

And don't feel sad because you've had two boyfriends! You're young. And it's not about being pretty
or not - I've known a couple of super beautiful girls who were perpetually single for years and years.
Ok, so that wasn't really a comfort I guess.. But it's so much about what standards you have also, and
what you expect from a relationship.

Holy shmoly, it seems like I've actually been asked out on a date!? By a guy I don't even know, no less.
He's in advertising.. which I generally have a problem with, but their campaigns have only been for leftist
magazines, authors and theatres, so I guess it's ok. He also used to run a very stylish book cafe that had
to close down before I even got around to visit it - I just saw it through the window and thought that
it looked kind of posh (in an area that is somewhat scruffy/bohemian).

Get this - he's been reading my blog for about 6 months, and e-mailed me in May about something I wrote.
We then had some e-mail contact for a little while and it seemed like he wanted to meet, but I chickened out.
Then we lost contact, until I wrote an unusually consumistic entry about my new, beautiful shoes, and he mailed
me again and said my shoes were really pretty - do you want to go out for coffee? Made me LOL really, because
isn't that a Goth pick-up line? "Nice boots, wanna fuck?". He was, of course, totally unaware and I didn't inform him.
After all, it's just coffee, not a drunken eyeliner-&-black-lace fuck fest (oh but I wish it was! ph34r.gif ).

candycane_girl
coela, I guess it's just that when I compare myself to my friends it seems like they've had more experience than me. And I realize that
1. looks aren't everything when it comes to getting a boyfriend and 2. that some guys actually find me attractive. Honestly I hadn't really thought about it much lately but the fact that a certain guy stood me up 3 times this week (I wrote about it in the crush thread) and then blonde guy asking about my relationship experience just really got me down. The thing is that he's in an open marriage so I know that I can only ever get so far with him.
snow white
i've had only 2 boyfriends, i don't really mind. it makes me wonder about ppl when they are *always* in a relationship or they've had a lot of relationships. i think it seems insincere...u know
dani1983
I'm dating this guy right now...but girls I have to be sincere, I prefer 8219939382198 times being single and not having to worry about a guy cheating on me rather than being in a relationship....at least for now. I wish I didn't like him, I really do! I just can't wait until I get bored of him lol
auralpoison
Snow White, I had a friend once that couldn't be alone. Being single wasn't an option for her. She only felt valid if she had a man at her side. So much of her self-esteem was wrapped up in men. She had a few long term 'ships, & lots of short terms where she'd "try" to be some guy's gf. It was weird to me. Eventually I stopped bothering to recall their names. I offended a guy once when I couldn't remember his name & kept calling him "dude". I told him that since I'd never be seeing him again it really didn't matter. 'That doesn't make me feel very special." That's because you're not. You're the flavour of the week.
sassysarahart
I don't know if this is the correct topic for this but here goes. So I was planning to attend a winter formal with a guy that I have been seeing for about a month. We talked about the event several times and made plans for it. So today I get all ready nails done, hair done the whole shee bang. I go there and to pick him up and he's out of town! So I was stood up and I pretty much hate guys right now. It seems like no matter what I do I still get screwed over. Mind you this is the first time I was stood up.


Sorry I just had to vent.


sassysarahart
I don't know if this is the correct topic for this but here goes. So I was planning to attend a winter formal with a guy that I have been seeing for about a month. We talked about the event several times and made plans for it. So today I get all ready nails done, hair done the whole shee bang. I go there and to pick him up and he's out of town! So I was stood up and I pretty much hate guys right now. It seems like no matter what I do I still get screwed over. Mind you this is the first time I was stood up.


Sorry I just had to vent.


sassysarahart
I don't know if this is the correct topic for this but here goes. So I was planning to attend a winter formal with a guy that I have been seeing for about a month. We talked about the event several times and made plans for it. So today I get all ready nails done, hair done the whole shee bang. I go there and to pick him up and he's out of town! So I was stood up and I pretty much hate guys right now. It seems like no matter what I do I still get screwed over. Mind you this is the first time I was stood up.


Sorry I just had to vent.


sassysarahart
I don't know if this is the correct topic for this but here goes. So I was planning to attend a winter formal with a guy that I have been seeing for about a month. We talked about the event several times and made plans for it. So today I get all ready nails done, hair done the whole shee bang. I go there and to pick him up and he's out of town! So I was stood up and I pretty much hate guys right now. It seems like no matter what I do I still get screwed over. Mind you this is the first time I was stood up.


Sorry I just had to vent.


sassysarahart
.trigger happy...sorry
snow white
omg sassysarahart, that is cold. fvck that guy. but, at least u have hot nails now, right? guys r such idiots.

auralpoison, that's exactly what i'm talking about. but the majority of my girlfriends tho usually latch onto the nearest guy as quickly and for as long as possible. they'll put up w/ any manner of shit just so they're not "alone" and once they reach the breaking point they're back at it in a matter of two weeks like clockwork. what burns my ass tho is that they have the audacity to catagorize me as some kind of spinster freak.

anyway, i vote dani as having the quote of the day (maby even the week) "i just can't wait until i get i bored of him!"
crazyoldcatlady
sassysara, that is straight bullshit. you need to get even; it's a moral imperative. tongue.gif
coela


BWB finally got around to mail me again and "check on me", so to speak.
But I guess it will take him a month until the next time, so whatever.
I wonder what he wanted, though. Maybe he was just being polite. He seems
like the type who is actually "polite" to people. Dying breed. I like it, although
it's slightly confusing. I'm more of a cave woman type. :-P "Oooh, me likey,
let's harass and overwhelm and stir shit up! And obsess! And obsess some more!
And then forget about the whole damn thing! And get annoyed when he doesn't!"

Tomorrow I'm meeting PR guy for coffee. Not a date-date, I think, just coffee.


sassysarahart
QUOTE(crazyoldcatlady @ Nov 25 2007, 07:19 PM) *
sassysara, that is straight bullshit. you need to get even; it's a moral imperative. tongue.gif


I thought about getting even, but I think I will just kill him with kindness, that always seems to make people feel like shit.

Thanks for the support gals!

snow white
sassy, i'd skip both and just don't talk him anymore. seriously, not worth any effort whatsoever after that bullshit manuver.
candycane_girl
I can never attempt the whole killing them with kindness thing. I just get too angry. That guy sounds like such a douche, I would just cut him off.
coela
sassy, I agree with snow white & candycane. Just ignore him. That was incredibly rude.

Coffee with PR guy went so well I can hardly believe it. We just talked and talked, it was so effortless,
he was such a nice, unassuming person, intelligent, confident but low key. And we're from totally different
worlds - he went to law school and runs a successful company, and I'm really quite poor & only know other
starving artist/poet/journalist/phD types. Yet we had so much to talk about, and I didn't feel stressed or
awkward at all, wich is almost unreal, considering I've never met the guy before; I'm not really the chit-chatty kind.
He didn't seem to be either. But I felt like I could say almost anything to him. <-cliche alert, but there ya go

When he drove me home we talked non-stop until he parked the car, and it was a very interesting conversation.
He then stepped out of the car to hug me, and said he had an INCREDIBLY good time (eyes shining), and that we
really have to meet again. And I really want to see him too!

I've been semi-dancing around in the apartment for 3 hours, smiling and singing to myself.

PS: And he was CUTE! I had seen a picture, but he was so much cuter in person.

crazyoldcatlady
i stand by my misanthropic suggestion!

sleep with his best friend!

wink.gif
snow white
congrats coela! it's good to hear there actually are some great guys floating around, hopefully i'll be able to snag one~

((right on, catlady))
sassysarahart
I haven't spoken to him since I told him he was a douche and I wasn't going to put up with his bull shit games. So ignoring him is working and I'll ignore him if and when I see him around the city.

I also have trouble with killing people with kindness, because once I don't like someone they pretty much know I dislike them...I become quite the bitch smile.gif

hahah if I knew his best friend I would get revenge but I don't sad.gif
nickclick
killing with kindness and guilt trips and the like only work when people are smart enough to get it. sassy, your douchey douchebag doesn't seem to fit into that category.
sassysarahart
No he's definitely not smart enough to get it.

Anyway I'm done with this!
Thanks for the support!
coela

Spent last night making out like crazy with an old friend/flame. Now I feel sick of myself.
Good thing we didn't have sex though, but I'm still sad. I've done this like a million times,
and it's just so pointless. Why do I keep doing it? I may need to vomit. He's lovely, and one
of my very best friends, but our relationship is so incredibly fucked up it's not even funny.

I mailed PR guy the day after the date (or not-date, I don't know) to tell him I had a really good time.
He mailed me back within an hour and said he had a really good time too. But I haven't heard from him since.
I'm not updated with the rules of how to make new friends/lovers, so I don't know how often you're supposed
to get in touch. Once a week? Once every fortnight? It's not that I'm expecting him to jump all over me,
but I had a great feeling about the whole thing at first, and now I'm having second thoughts like I always do.
Like - he didn't really like me all that much, he was just using his PR social skills. He thought I was fun, but
not pretty enough. He thought blah blah blah.

Oh God, I'm so sick of being single and obsessing over shit like this... :-C
I'm at home alone on a Friday night, feeling awful.

erinjane
I'm very casually seeing this guy, we just started seeing each other on Monday but last night he got drunk and sent me a text message that said "I miss you" and I started freaking out. He must have realized that was the wrong thing to write because this morning he sent a message that said sorry for the previous message. I don't want to be in a situation where he ends up being more into me but I think that's where it's headed.

While this guy is nice and funny, I don't see it going anywhere. It's fun for now, and to see him every 3-4 days, but I'm still wishing I could meet someone and feel that spark. It's been years since I felt that spark and got really excited about it.
stargazer
(((coela))) gurl. relax. breathe. seriously. you are being WAY too hard on yourself. we've all been there at different times.
coela


God, I spent the entire night with couples or half of couples
talking about their other half and I'd like to die now. This is
so fucking depressing I don't even know where to start.

And if I EVER said anything about a date, I wholeheartedly take it back.
I clearly wasn't on a "date" or at least not a "date" recognized by the other
part as a "date". We'll call it a suicide mission and leave it at that. I'm going
to sleep for like 7450 hours now. I hope "dating" as we know it is extinct
when I wake up. K THNX BYE.

opheliathemuse
oh wow. (((coela)))



...I need to stop whining all over the boards. My cod. /resigns self to spinsterhood, no sex, and frames whip. le sigh.
candycane_girl
(((coela)))
coela


Sorry for being so bloody pathetic, but I REALLY REALLY want this guy to get in touch with me again,
and I REALLY REALLY regret making out with my friend, and I really didn't have a very good time
last night. And yes, I do need to breathe and chill, thank you stargazer. And thanks for the hugs.

Blah. I'm going out to dinner with a couple of friends now. I hope it will be alright.

coela


Thread killing frenzy.
Anyway, I mailed him. Screw waiting by the inbox, I might as well ask him straight away,
and if he's not interested then he's not interested, and I can go cry and get over it.

This probably means I'm going to hit the reload button of my inbox a million times today,
but it beats walking around worrying about correct dating procedure.

Must have lost 7 lbs this week just from freaking out...

candycane_girl
coela, you're not being pathetic. I think we all know what it's like to really like someone and sit there wondering if they feel the same way.

Try to stay away from your inbox! Just go about your day as usual and don't hit refresh a million times.
opheliathemuse
sweet pea, it'll be fine. As CCG points out, I think the whole world obsesses. I mean, why would there be such a brisk cellphone/iphone/etc etc business otherwise?
Try to remember the positive things about yourself--seriously. Worrying about someone else's opinion is too onerous a task.
Go exercise a bit, or cook, something active. That always helps distract me...
glassk
yo coela, can i sit beside you and we can refresh browsers together?

it sucks that your night didn't go as well; and maybe you can get your makeout friend thing straightened out. don't be too hard on yourself-- i spend half my time wishing i had made out with people i don't want to just because i'm so damn horny... worry with one thing at a time, if you must. and ophelia has it all right. i'm gonna take that advice for myself
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