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candycane_girl
ugh, I'm not even going out for New Year's this year. Downtown ends up being such a mess, I end up drinking too much, it's impossible to get a cab and I usually end up doing something highly embarrassing. So this year I'm just getting drunk at home. At least that way I can't end up losing my purse (two years ago) or having an awful drunken hookup with a loser (last year).
snow white
candy, i've put myself on a three drink probation for new years. i'm sick and tired of feeling like a jerk after a night out. sorry to here about your ex, coela. i for one can't wait for a "fresh" start in 2008 (plus it's all even numbers which are all very lucky, anyway, here's to hoping new years doesn't suck!) ~
erinjane
How was everyone's new years? Mine was pretty good, low key, and no guys who caught my eye but I had fun with my friend.

I've been trying to have just casual relationships lately, but the guy from a few weeks ago was getting overly into me and wanting something more, so i had to break things off. Last week I called up a guy I casually slept with over the summer and we hooked up twice last week. I thought it was just some fun, but he's trying to get me to go to his work holiday party in a few weeks, and he sent me an email today that was very sweet but has now got me feeling stressed. He was talking about how he was thinkin about me all new years eve and day. He's not really my type for relationships though, plus, he's 39 and I'm 22 and at totally different life stages. We're supposed to hang out tomorrow and I think I'll have to make it the last time. I guess I should be flattered that all these guys want me for a real relationship.

My brother was laughing about joining plentyoffish.com and so I joined him too and told him I could get more guys after me than he could girls. tongue.gif For the first time ever in all the years i've casually joined those sites, a guy messaged me who totally is my type. After I saw his picture I even realized that i've checked him out at local shows before. Anyways, I'm feeling sort of excited now...this is the first single guy I've met in a looooooooong time (like, a year and a half) that I'm actually excited about.

Fingers crossed!
coela

My new year's eve was ok, although I spent it with two couples. *le sigh*
Not to sound like a desperate single girl, but sometimes couples can be.. well, pretty couply.

No dates on my horizon. I'm going out photographing soon with a guy I met on Flickr (of all places)
but he has a girlfriend, so it's not a romantic thing. But cool to make new friends, too.

Got a nice compliment from a guy I know somewhat, he said I look "incredibly attractive",
which was nice to hear, and he said he'd ask me out, but he just moved 600 miles away, so..

God, can people please not live 600 miles away and not have kids with another woman
and not work 24/7 and not want me only as their MISTRESS (my latest "offer"???), K THNX BYE.




BustiRubi
hung out with M the other night (only friends at this point)
he waited with me at the bus station
there was a couple next us cuddling and making out
UUGGHH

wub.gif
samiam
What do you all think about the theory that when you meet the right person, you will "just know"? Is that true? What if I am totally freaked out by someone who is really great in theory, and offering me the world? What if I "just know" that something is not right, and I can't put my finger in it? Am I doing my typical fight-or-flight or is there some credence to "just knowing"?
erinjane
When I meet someone I like I just know I like them. I can usually tell within the first hour of talking to someone if there's any spark but I know a lot of people don't know that quickly or with as much certainty.
CanCan
QUOTE(erinjane @ Jan 13 2008, 01:47 PM) *
When I meet someone I like I just know I like them. I can usually tell within the first hour of talking to someone if there's any spark but I know a lot of people don't know that quickly or with as much certainty.

Hi, I am on another Bust forum, but I just have to post something here because I was just reading an article I read in a magazine today, and it was so interesting that I just emailed it to my girlfriends, and I was thinking everyone here would find it interesting too. I don't know how much of it is true, but it seems like it certainly could be true, it's an article in Psychology Today magazine. This February issue. There is an article in it about chemistry and phermones- and talked about in a way I've never heard before. Also talks about how the birth control pill effects phermones. I wanted to email it to someone, and was able to find it online which is cool.

http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20071228-000001.html
opheliathemuse
erin, I am so glad you said that. I can tell almost as soon as I look at them. I know that sounds...superficial? But it's not about looks. It's like CanCan says, it's just the chemistry I have with the other person. What follows is whether or not we get along personally, intellectually, etc. You know? Takes me longer than an hour to figure that one out because some people fake it better than others. I suppose that is why I like looking people in the eye. See what's in there.
moonstar
i know what ya mean coela. not only was my new yrs with nothing but couples, but welcome to evry weekend of my life!!!!!!
*sigh*
i am tired of being the only single, uninvolved one out of every single one of my friends. its sooooo depressing. and to top it off, my friends r not just in semi important relationships. no! theyre all married, engaged, married with kids, moving in together, yah da yah da yah da!!!
coela


QUOTE(moonstar @ Jan 14 2008, 10:35 PM) *
i know what ya mean coela. not only was my new yrs with nothing but couples, but welcome to evry weekend of my life!!!!!!
*sigh*
i am tired of being the only single, uninvolved one out of every single one of my friends. its sooooo depressing. and to top it off, my friends r not just in semi important relationships. no! theyre all married, engaged, married with kids, moving in together, yah da yah da yah da!!!


I hear you, moonstar. Like every weekend of my life as well. :/ I really have no one left to go out with, as in go out to have drinks,
flirt a little perhaps, maybe meet some new people. My friends all want to have cozy dinners and wine at home, which is nice a lot
of the time, but perhaps not every weekend. I feel left out, not because they snuggle all the time, but the whole cocooning thing,
the "early nights", how they fill in each others sentences and laugh at the same jokes they've had together for 8 years.

And perhaps even worse with the semi-new couples - how they always sneak away to kiss every ten minutes, and have this
hazy, absent-minded "we'd rather be home & having sex right now" look on their face whenever they're out together.
It's rather frustrating, yes.


anna k
QUOTE
And perhaps even worse with the semi-new couples - how they always sneak away to kiss every ten minutes, and have this
hazy, absent-minded "we'd rather be home & having sex right now" look on their face whenever they're out together.
It's rather frustrating, yes


I hated that whenever I was around couples who were sitting in each other's laps, half-listening to me with this ridiculous look on their face, being wrapped up in themselves. I may be jealous because I never had that, but it was still annoying to see.

Sometimes I feel like a freak because I am single. I'm 24 and have never had a boyfriend. I get scared of having sex with people who I don't know, even if I feel attracted immediately, because I don't trust having sex with just anyone. This keeps me inhibited. I also don't really get initially attracted to many guys, usually it's either being into some guy who intimidates me or not feeling attracted enough to someone. I've dated and never had a real physical attraction to someone. The last time I dated was in early 2007, and felt too busy with other things to date, then gained some weight and felt unattractive, and have been losing some weight now and feeling better. I always wanted to be like other girls, who felt comfortable making out and having sex with various guys, or having one boyfriend after the other. I just felt like a loser, like I wasn't social enough or comfortable enough. I want to express myself sexually, but want to get over my fears and be more open.
toastybean
QUOTE(anna k @ Jan 14 2008, 07:19 PM) *
I hated that whenever I was around couples who were sitting in each other's laps, half-listening to me with this ridiculous look on their face, being wrapped up in themselves. I may be jealous because I never had that, but it was still annoying to see.


... I also don't really get initially attracted to many guys, usually it's either being into some guy who intimidates me or not feeling attracted enough to someone.



i totally agree with the lap-sitting constant cuddling thing. i think i just hate that they feel this need to constantly be touching. i find it disgusting. i feel like couples who do this are acting like they have something to prove to other people about their relationsihp...it just seems a bit needy to me. oh and another disgusting tidbit...my roomie just started dating some guy who lives on the east coast (we are from WA state) and all she does now is talk to him...regardless of who is there. she will sit in our living room talking to him on the phone, messaging him on aim, as well as watching him on a fucking live webcam ALL AT THE SAME TIME! ugh. i hate being the only single person in my social circle.

and about the second part...
i do that same thing. Guys that most girls find attractive (the stereotypically hot ones) i just dont like. i tend to fall for guys who are a little different or qwirky and A. will not talk to me in the first place, or B. not talk to me after i hook up with him. And when, on the rare occasion, that there is a guy who is into me, i will always find a plethora of things that i dont like about him. and so is my life.
candycane_girl
toasty, I completely agree about them having to prove something! I mean it's like "Look at us! We're sooooo in love!" It's kind of creepy and pathetic. I'm all for holding hands and the occasional kiss but if I have a boyfriend I'm not going to be groping him on a park bench in front of strangers.
samiam
Thanks for all the replies.

The guy who I was thinking about left Saturday night before making me a "special" birthday dinner, and took the fixings with him. I got a series of obnoxious passive-aggressive text messages from him yesterday, and I slept with the lover who I had been putting off for weeks while trying to decide if I could live with the one-guy relationship dinner-making guy was insisting on. Fuck it.
candycane_girl
I went to a party tonight. I thought it would be really fun and it kind of was but I also ended up feeling really lonely. I didn't know most of the people and I'm not very good at just going up to people and talking to them. There were a bunch of cute guys there but most of them were taken (of course!). I know that's a lame reason to feel down but it just made me feel like all of the decent looking guys are already taken.
Muffy
anna k, I'm 31 and single and have never had a relationship last more than 8 months. I kind of know how you feel. I don't actually find couples in love disgusting or annoying. I kind of wish I had the same thing... I have at various points none of them lasted that long which makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with me.
samiam
I just turned 32 on Monday, and I am in much the same boat. I have been in two long-term relationships; both lasted about a year and a half, although there was a brief reunion with one for a few months, but it was doomed from the start. I have definitely felt that loneliness of being the only one not in a couple. I have longed and pined to be one of the coupled ones, to have someone's name to put on the card. But, the guys who have offered that have scared the shit out of me. And, I really like having sex. I have a great fantasy life that sometimes is realized, and guys around here looking for commitment, etc., don't really want to be with a bisexual, liberal, Jewish girl from New England. And the guys who make me cum are not exactly "husband" material. So here I am, a walking conundrum. I want to be in a relationship, but I want to fuck. Is it possible to have sparks and commitment? To have great sex and not be bored stiff, but still know that the bills will get paid?
Muffy
samiam, good question. every person I've ever slept with was defiantly not the right person to be in a relationship with, but damn if they weren't a good lay. I guess that is why they are ex gf's and bf's and not current ones.
greenbean
Sigh.
I am a very frustrated single again. I'd been seeing someone for the past month that really wanted to know me. I dont usually let people know me because I'm an insecure nutjob. But this guy pushed and sure enough I let him see just how insane I really am and now, he hasnt called in two days. I texted him to apologize (basically I had overreacted to something he said, and lashed out in a very childish way) but he texted back with "I dont know what to say".

Sooo, here I am. Alone again. Probably forever.
opheliathemuse
GB, he might be feeling equally strange and confused about the whole thing--the "I don't know what to say" points to "I'm really wishing I could relate/help but I am so incapable of expressing myself." Maybe write him a short note explaining what went on, apologize for overreacting, and leave it at that?
samiam
Fight or Flight. He is in Fight or Flight. I am a frequent visitor to F or F land, and I don't know how to coach anyone out of it, much less get myself out.

The guy who got too serious, too fast, has continued to send me vaguely harrassing text messages, which have only reinforced my initial Spidey Senses tingling and telling me that something was not right about this. I really don't know how to respond, except Fight or Flight. Right now I am choosing Flight, because he scares me a little and I don't want to give him even an inch that might make him think that he is winning.
stargazer
(((GB))) what happened?? i hope he does contact you. i know how you feel though. i question my ability to have a sane relationship. cause i feel like the insane one. (((gb)))

(((sam))) well, it sounds like your hunch is right. i think if things feel like they are moving too fast for you, then things are moving too fast for you. it is not a reflective about you not doing anything right. i say, go with your gut instinct.

then again, my guts have shit for brains (taken from high fidelity btw)...
puppykitty
Hey - my guts have shit for brains as well.

I was seeing a guy for several months, then he moved in with me and started acting like a jerk. So I broke up with him, but he won't move out. And I feel stuck because I kind of need the money, but it's really cramping my style. I feel a little bit ready to date again, but I know he would get jealous, and no guy would be understanding if I said I live with my ex-boyfriend.

I usually refer to him as my roommate, but I feel like I am lying.

And get this: he keeps pressuring me to marry him for a green card. He's been offering me shitloads of money, saying that I can still date other people, etc, just if I will do him this favor. I am starting to feel tempted because I am in such dire financial straits, but what guy will want to date someone who is married to her roommate/ex-boyfriend???
samiam
Puppy -- MOVE OUT!!!! If you are the only one on the lease, you can probably get out with 30-days notice. Do it. If you really want to be sneaky and you don't want to give up the apartment, move out for a week -- go through the process, put your stuff in storage, move him out, and then, when he is gone, move back in.

Or, you could just find a new roommate and tell this guy that he needs to move. That's it. He needs to move.

Ok, so I am a good "flighter". Maybe you shouldn't listen to my shit-for-brains gut, either.
opheliathemuse
um, no. Marriage is not something you can just untie like a shoelace. Don't do it. And he's being all clingy to say the least. Kick him out.

Good point, samiam. I do a fair bit of F/F land too.
samiam
Ok, so the alst two weeks have been as follows:

The guy who I was seeing off and on for a year and a half plus, and with whom I went through an abortion this spring three days before he left for 6 months to travel South America, finally turned up a month after coming home. We had dinner, watched a movie, hung out, and I haven't heard from him since. He sent an email saying that his phone had died and he needed an update, which I sent, and still - nothing.

A guy who I had been very much in like with, had driven six hours to see last year on spring break after over a year of online flirtation interspersed with occasional meetings and phone calls from around the world (literally, he travelled a lot) sent me some sort of 9th step, making amends for sexual addiction and, apparently cheating on a girlfriend I had never known about. And he has herpes. Not that I had ever counted on him, but it turns out that he is a bigger asshole than I thought.

A guy I dated for less than a month, whom I actually had pretty high hopes for but who sent my spidey senses tingling when the angry, controlling side of him started to show through, showed his true colors again with yet another vaguely harassing text message. My best friend's reaction? "He's mean!" She's right. He's also unemployed, living in a trailer on his parents' property, going through a divorce, and, well, kinda scary. When my dog started inexplicably barking at 3 am last night, I was a little worried, to be honest.

Been out on a couple of dates (?) with another guy who is nice, but cynical as hell and about as likely to get into a relationship as he is to win the Pulitzer this year. He is so non-committal he doesn't even own a bed. Anyone who is willing to sleep on the floor to avoid owning furniture is not looking attractive right now.

And then, the sexy blue-eyed Spaniard with whom I have had more attraction, more fun, more intelligent conversations while nakedly entwined, has finally pulled the plug because, after four months of "not being ready for a relationship," he is apparently ready for a relationship with a woman whom he has known for years. I saw it coming, I know. It still hurts.

Being alone hurts.

coela

puppy, I second samiam & ophelia - kick him out. Dump all his stuff on the street if you have to.


So, I'm in a slightly weird dating situation now. Last week I bumped into PR guy (anyone
remember him? If not, no wonder, since it has been two bloody months since our date)
at a concert, which was weird b/c it really doesn't seem like his "scene". He looked very out
of place too. I said hello, and he asked me or rather TOLD ME to come by his office during
the week to have coffee. I said um, sure, but I have no idea what that means. What the hell
am I supposed to do in his office? Make garlands out of paper clips? Maybe I'm over-reacting
here, but it sounds like a pretty half-assed invitation. Or maybe he's just busy as usual.

During the same night I was asked out for coffee by a guy I've known superficially for 2-3 years.
I've always felt that he likes me, but we haven't really talked much. But I've been getting vibes,
like he touches my arm or my elbow a lot when he talks, and hugs me close rather than polite
when he's leaving, stuff like that. So I wasn't suprised when he asked me. We met yesterday,
and took a walk and a coffee for a couple of hours, and I got to know quite a lot about him.
He's lovely, very cute and a genuinely nice guy, excellent taste, we share just about every
interest and value I could think of. That is pretty rare in my case.

My only problem with him is that he's so nice I feel like the wicked witch - he's constantly moving
his boundaries and is very accepting towards behaviour I wouldn't put up with for two minutes.
He also talked too much about his crazy ex, how she scarred him or some such. They broke up
very recently, so that's understandable I guess, but it just annoys me when people who clearly
aren't ready for dating go about and do it anyway, and then implicitly tells you to wait for them.
(which is what he did, as I understood it) But what the hell, he texted me today and said he had
a great time, that I'm a good person and that he'd like to see me again soon.

Problem is, for some stupid reason I'm more attracted to PR guy. Don't know why, cause he's
probably not dying to see ME. And he has a kid, which seems like a lot of hassle to me, to date
someone who has a kid with another person I mean. Not that they're together now, but who knows.
The mother to the kid will always be around in any case.

Sststststutter
I'm barging in, throwing the door open so hard that it backlashes off the wall, and shouting, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP THING SUPPOSED TO BE!?" I apologize for the dramatic entrance, but I'm frustrated. I don't understand. I must be naive to the ways of dating and romance. Okay, so you (you being a general term here) don't think you want to be in a relationship right now, maybe you just got out of a serious relationship and want to be single, maybe you want to have nonexclusive sex with lots of people, whatever. But what if, during this time of freedom you MEET someone? Isn't that how it's supposed to work anyway, love finds you aren't looking for it? Can someone explain this to me?

What's driving this frustration right now is this: About a month ago, when I was feeling invincible and blissfully single, I went down to Baltimore with a ton of people for a friend's birthday celebration, and I ended up spending most of the night talking with this incredibly attractive guy who had come down with some mutual friends. I'd never met him before that night, and I wasn't even going to pay him any mind until he drew me in with some good old eye contact. To make a long story short, we've hung out twice since then, both times were very chill affairs including other people, and we've also been in contact through facebook and text messaging. This whole time I've felt pretty secure that he is at least interested in me, especially since he's been both responsive to the times I've made contact with him and likely to initiate contact with me as well. This is a nice change for me because I have a big pining problem, not to mention that I've fairly recently gotten over a 6-month long unrequited love affair. Anyway, I'd been really pleased with the direction things were headed, until last night.

The plan was to go out dancing with my best guy pal. In our search to find people to join us, my friend called another friend, and we ended up meeting up with her. Don't you know it, Mr. Incredibly Attractive is there, because he is also friends with this girl! I had a great night, dancing with my friends, keeping it light with Mr. I-A until the end of the night when we were both too drunk to not dance with each other. I was feeling really good about the whole thing. But then, I was given some information. I shared a cab with another girlfriend and unwisely chose to get out too far away from my apartment, so I called my guy pal to be my "safety" as I walked home. As I was walking, he said to me, "I have some bad news." Basically, he informed me that he took it upon himself to ask one of the Mr. I-A's roommates some questions, and the roommate said that Mr. I-A is playing the field right now. My pal also mentioned the word "player". If that's what the roommate actually said, or how my pal interpreted things, I don't know. Basically, my pal was telling me to not get attached, to take it easy. I know he's looking out for me because he knows how I get... but wow did that ever ruin my night! And so now I'm all confused.

In the interest of not getting hurt, I now feel like I want to give up on this guy if he's only going to play me. But on the other hand, why should I do that just because I heard second hand that he's a player? Should it be against the rules to pursue someone who thinks they are not interested in a relationship right now? UGH I just don't know.
nubian_queen
AAAAAAAARG!!! I am emencely frustrated with dating!!!!


Over the past 2 or so years I was in two different relationships with two very differnt men. On was a total foxy, educated,intelligent prince, and the other was a sweet sinsitive teddy bear. The educated prince and I broke up because he was in Georgia and I was in California and we didn't want to maintain a long distance relationship. I broje up with the teddy bear because the realationship was going nowhere and I was getting bored with him. To add a point, after the both of these relationships, i was happy to be single and move on with my life. It's very easy for me to have a boyfriend, but dating is soooooooooo hard.

Back in October I went to a gallery show and met a funny, artistic, very handsome guy. We hit it off, exchanged information, and had our first date the following week. I was estatic because i don't meet interesting guys that often and I was looking forward to going out with this guy. A month into going out he tells me that his ex had called and wanted to get back together with him and of course he caved in. After all that time we spent together and great chemistry happening between the two of us, the "former" had to come back into the picture. I was pissed but luckily a co-worker who had been crushing on me for months finally asked me out. It was fun, the sex was great, but there wasn't a lot we could talk about or do together because of conflicting schedules. But he turned out to be a fantastic fuck buddy.

Just when I was completely over the guy i met at the gallery, he calls me out of nowhere sometime after the new year saying that he realised things between him and the girlfriend didn't work out and he wanted to see me again. I was very hesitant and really didn't want to see him, but eventually I caved and we started hanging out again. It was fun, we'd hang out at his apt and make art and talk.

But once again the indecisive girlfriend came back into the picture and again, the cycle of stupidity continued. This time I wasn't sad like before, but i was more furious than anything. He kept going on about how much he liked me and thought i was attractive, but was still in love with his ex.

So one night he just looked me in the eyes and told me i should seduce him, he couldn't stand the thought of not having me so we did the deed and he's just going crazy right now because now he's paranoid that the woman he loves, but is not in a relationship with, is going to find out that he had sex with the woman he was dating after so many times while they were broke up.

Ugh! It's fuggin' re-donk-ulous! I find it even more funny that after sex, she called him right after she got off of work to tell him that she misses him and they should work things out. I have a feeling this is going to happen every couple of months so I don't really expect him to want to get in a relationship with me...but gawd this is some bull-crap! Has anyone ever had this problem? Why are guys so hung up on their ex's? When I;'m reasy to move on....I'm ready to move on! mad.gif
Muffy
nubian_queen, I can't say I've ever had that happen to me but that guy needs to take a hike. Unless your just in it for sex and fun, though you sound a bit annoyed by the whole thing. I don't if sounds worth it, there are plenty of people out there that are probably more worthy of your attention.

Sststststutter, been there with people who suddenly decide that they don't wish to have a relationship. I dated someone for approximately 5 months, it wasn't exclusive but she pursued me and then up and decided, yeah I don't really want a relationship right now?! Just feel blessed that it wasn't 5 months into what you hoped would blossom into a relationship, at least it was just a one night thing.

I throw my hands up in the air and almost give up on dating! I joined an online personals site thinking ok here goes nothing. and nothing has happened! I emailed a few attractive, interesting singles. Not a one has contacted me. Not even people I haven't contacted. I feel like the 'ugly duckling' on this site. what the f?! Honestly at this point a fun night out with someone interesting would be fabulous and I can't seem to even get that!
candycane_girl
Muffy, I had a similar experience on a dating site. The few guys listed as my "matches" that I actually found attractive didn't message me back. And then I would get random guys from halfway across the world messaging me which I just felt was pointless.

Right now I don't even care that I'm single. I've been in kind of a partying mood lately so all that matters is that I can make plans with friends on the weekend and go out and have some fun.
Muffy
candycane_girl, yeah I've been going out, partying and having fun, trying not to let being single or the stupid dating site get me down... I have a lot going on in my life that I should be happy about, but its there in the back of my mind when I see a happy cute couple and wonder 'why the hell can't I find that???!!'
Sststststutter
nubian queen... wow, that guy does NOT know what he wants. best to not get mixed up in it any more than you already are. just because you have chemistry doesn't mean that you should be available to him every time is fickle ex decides she doesn't want to be with him. don't be the second best, but realize that at this point, he doesn't deserve for you to be the first either.

Muffy... it's hard to get that out of your mind, I know! and it's okay to not like being single because, hell, if you don't, you don't. I think the difference between being contently single and being frustrated, is when you see that cute couple, thinking "why the hell can't i find that?" and thinking "man, I can't wait to find that." the first thought sort of is undershadowed by the idea that "i'll never find it" while the second is sort of confident that one day you will. i feel like the days that feel like i'll never find it outnumber the days i feel like i will, but usually when i feel like i will, that's when things happen.

as for me, I've processed things a lot more. most of all, i can't take what other people say as gospel! i totally disregarded the fact that my guy pal had/has no idea of the attention that Mr. I-A has been showing me, so he probably assumed that I'm pining away, which isn't exactly the case. And I'm not being taken advantage of; I haven't even hooked up with Mr. I-A, and he really hasn't made me feel played at all, actually. In fact, he sent me a text on Sunday morning telling me that it was nice running into me on Friday. I think that's a good sign. So I have decided to remain cautiously optomistic, to take my time with this, and maybe just let him do most of the pursuing. After all, all guys are players that are playing the field until they find a girl they like, right?
Muffy
Sststststutter, nothing wrong with you playing the field a little bit yourself.
Sststststutter
Muffy, you are absolutely right...I sometimes have trouble with that whole playing the field thing though...

The good(ish) news is that I hung out with the boy on Saturday night. After plenty of drinks, I decided to be mischievous and bring up the whole player thing. When I said, "So, I heard you were a player," he was incredulous, telling me that's the opposite of the truth; how could he be a player if he's been in two back-to-back 3-year relationships? So he's not a player. But...yikes.

He basically told me that he's been single for two months, and is trying to find his own identity, especially since in his last relationship he and the girl were considered a package-deal. I can appreciate that. I don't want to rush into any serious relationship myself. The confusing thing is, he kissed me. And we ended up staying up all night together, kissing and talking. So what will come of this, I don't know, because I don't feel 100% good about dealing with a guy possibly on the rebound. And I don't know if this whole "finding himself" thing is going to involve him getting with a ton of girls or not... it's possible that he has become such a relationship guy that he won't, but nothing is certain. oy.

candycane_girl
Well, I did something crazy the other day. I posted an ad on craigslist! So far I've gotten a lot of great responses (and been kind of overwhelmed by the number of responses). Maybe something will come of it!
Sststststutter
Wooo Candy that's awesome! I know someone who found a really good match on craigslist, so even though some people think its just the bootycall version of match.com et al, I think it's also true that people turn to craigslist for a less song-and-dance kind of let me see what's out there sort of thing.

I'm still seeing the boy, and continuing to be very confused. He's been laying on the signals thick, yet still managing to throw me through loops. We went on a date Tuesday, which he initiated, but he didn't kiss me good night. Then when I tried to feel him out for his plans this weekend, he was incredibly vague and we ended up not seeing each other. He talks to me all the time, and treats me like I'm something special, and clearly likes me, but all I can think about half the time is how he said he wants to find his identity and be single. Well, he can't have his cake and eat it too! Looks like I am going to have to call him out next time he says or does something confusing, because I keep liking him more and more and I really don't want to end up getting hurt because he can't figure out what he wants.
sexysandee
I know that a week out of a relationship is really too soon to be dating again, but I decided what the hell.
What do I have to lose right? If I like the guy cool, if not I move on.

Well, the forces of nature are not cool with that.
He called on Friday and my phone was being a little bitch.
Then he called and texted on Saturday... as I was going to answer the phone I spilled coke on it.
Now, I am waiting for my new phone to get here in the mail.

Wow blink.gif
samiam
Why am I single? Why? I have run out of answers.
sassysarahart
I wonder the same thing sometimes Samiam. But right now I'm kind of to the point where I just don't care anymore. Eventually a gem will come along!

sassysarahart
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Mar 1 2008, 01:39 PM) *
Well, I did something crazy the other day. I posted an ad on craigslist! So far I've gotten a lot of great responses (and been kind of overwhelmed by the number of responses). Maybe something will come of it!



What the heck is craiglist? Good to hear you're getting some great responses!!!
samiam
Thanks, Sassy. I am just so underwhelmed with the possibilities right now. I feel like I am meeting nothing but skanks and babies, and all the good men are complaining that there aren't enough women who are just like me (single, never married, no kids, great job, own house, no debt, etc.). I try not to care, but I do. I want a partner. I want babies. I want someone with an IQ over 100 who understands not every woman is a useless sperm receptacle or someone who will do whatever he wants to make him feel like a man. <<sigh>>

I am going to gym to sublimate my frustration.
Muffy
sassysarahart, craigslist.org is this website where basically anyone can post a bulletin for just about anything. You can find dates, hook-ups, used cars, apartments, jobs, you name it... I've met a few people and actually got a job I replied to on craigslist.

samiam, well the average IQ is between 75 and 100 so I presume your looking for someone above average?

I've stopped worrying about if said person is a genius or not. I've dated way too many overly ambitious intelligent people who are married to their jobs and I'm just an after-thought when nothing better is going on. If they can hold a conversation, have a sense of humor and a zest for life (outside their career), I might have found the right one! One would think being bisexual would have so many options, yet I haven't been on a date in about a month! I don't seem to have any interested parties either sad.gif
samiam
I am definitely looking for "above average" in the intelligence dept. The average range on a bell curve is between 85 and 115 -- I will take anything over 105 with a job and some reasonable amount of ambition. More importantly, I want someone with a work ethic. Perhaps I am recoiling from my lazy-ass students and their useless families, but I really want someone who is willing to work for what he or she has, and who is truly grateful for the things that we are given. I am picky. I also expect the same in athleticism; I want a partner who is not obese, who cares about his or her body, and who wants to stay active throughout our lives.

Lately it has been under performing, overweight, self-absorbed narcissists and bucket heads. Ugh.
deepthinker
Anyone here ever feel like the people you really want, you never can truly have? Seems like the girls I've actually cared about very much, I never have any chance at dating. Like you start to talking about their life and things, and you really feel for them and what they've gone though. You start to kind of connect with them on some level, and then they're gone before you know it. This happened with one person I knew for a short time, as she died after giving her dad one of her kidneys if I recall right. Never did meet her in person, but cared deeply deeply for her. Now it's happening with someone else I know (could even argue 2 people), who I also care a lot about. It's a frustrating feeling you know?
sniggles
double post...
sniggles
I have felt that way before, deepthinker. It is very frustrating. You really just have to try not to let these experiences bring you down, or they have the potential of becoming a self-fufilling prophecy. I wish I had something better to tell you, I know it's easier said than done.... but you really just have to try.
deepthinker
I think I need to take a step back a little bit. Seems like lately, I've been looking for something that isn't really there, with various people. It's kind of like that proverbial square peg in a round hole sort of thing. I need to relax, I'm thinking about things too much, to where I take just about anything as a sign that perhaps there is something more to be had there. What I really need to do is just let things be, instead of analyzing and reanalyzing situations ad nauseum you know? It's just driving me mad more then anything. If anything is going to happen with anybody, it's gonna happen on it's own, irregardless of anything that I may have to say about it. I just need to let nature take it's course so to speak.
datagirl
I fall in love with people that don't want me all the time.
My pickyness is becoming a problem.
I'm 30 and I'm starting to think that I should really just take the next guy who comes along.
All my friends with kids love their kids more than their partner.
I'm thinking of getting in touch with an ex from about 10 years ago..
Now that I think about it maybe not....
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