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neurotic.nelly
erinjane, he's posted in another thread, and from what i've read, he doesn't deserve the label of troll, but he could prove me wrong.
anna k
Back on topic, I have a date tonight with Crazy Blind Date, with the guy who described himself as a thinner Kevin Smith. I'm nervous because I don't know what he looks like, and I don't know if he'll find me attractive. I feel like talking about random shit and enjoying his company for an hour or so.
anna k
My date wasn't there. I got there 20 minutes late because I had just gotten off of work, and waited for the rest of the hour. I don't know if he bailed, or wasn't there in the first place, but I waited and looked around to find guys who matched his description, but didn't see anyone. It was disappointing, but I have another Crazy Blind Date on Saturday night, which happens to be in the same coffeeshop. I hope it goes better than this.

Jezebel has a great post about dumb shit guys say to get laid. I mentioned some of my experiences too with guys who acted like pompous fools or tried to slow dance with me in their apartments and maul me with their tongue.
erinjane
Aw, that sucks anna. Maybe he just figured you weren't coming when you were late. A guy on POF mesaged me and after talking for a few minutes I realized we had a class together 4 years ago and I had a crush on him. It took me a while to recognize him because he had dreads in the past. I'm thinking we might get together and see what happens but I don't know if he's really what I'm looking for anymore.

There is another guy from POF, I'll call him V, who I've seen 3 times. I usually read people very very easily but I can't read him at all. I THINK he just wants a casual sex thing but we haven't actually talked about it. I would be open to dating him but he's fun enough that I'd take a casual thing. Anyway, I emailed him last night and asked him to please let me know what he's looking for with me because I can't quite figure it out. tongue.gif Usually I stress myself out thinking about his reply but I'm feeling very go with the flow about it. I hope he doesn't get freaked out and run away though because he really is fun.
erinjane
What a change 24 hours can make. Yesterday I finally just asked V if we were just in a casual arrangement and he said yes. That made me feel better because I just hate the unknowing and now I can feel comfortable going out with others and not wondering what he's thinking. So the ex-crush from 4 years ago called last night and we talked on the phone for 3.5 hours and then he picked me up and we went to get a drink and stayed there till 1:30 and then drove around until 2:30 still talking. I always get scared that when I initially like someone it'll fizzle out quickly but right now I think I feel smitten. He's a year younger than me and I don't think I've ever been into someone younger than me. I really wanted to kiss him when I got out of the car but I was tired and hesitated but we're seeing each other again tomorrow.
knorl05
just popping in. i do believe this is the best place to put this..

I was talking to a female acquaintance of mine today about meeting people online. I told her how I was recently stood up by a guy I met on myspace. She was saying how she was signed up with match.com but didnt like having to pay for it. I mentioned how I had used the Bust personals in the past and she said something to the effect: what guy would want to date a feminist? Then her (ex) man who was listening to our conversation, joked about getting yelled at for offering to open the door. I retorted with something about there being extremists in every movement.. and how personally, I dont make an issue over who opens the door (etc). It wasnt worth getting any more defensive over it, because they were only making conversation and didnt mean any harm. But it made me realize, this is how some people think... wow. It's unfortunate, feminism really is so misunderstood.

eta: i dont watch the news. well said mouse.

anna k: sorry about the blind date. the dude who stood me up had indirectly done it once already by making up some lame excuse that he had to deal with his friends' drama. then this past time he told me he would meet up with me then at the end of the night asked me to forgive him for not showing. i did not. i called him and told him what was up.. grr. dont have patience for that nonsense. sucks your blind date wasted your time like that and didnt have the decency to communicate with you. yes hopefully the next goes better.. let us know.
anna k
I told a friend how I wanted to find an interesting, sexy, good-looking guy to fuck, and I've been going on dating websites, and she wondered if guys like that are really on dating sites. Probably not (I've met plenty of awkward nerds, as well as a few cute nerdy musicians), but I'm busy with work and running my life, and this seems to be my main option for dating and meeting guys.
i_am_jan
knorl: Wow. yeah. Feminism is absolutely misunderstood. Shouldn't feminism be sexy? After all, it's the reason most men are getting laid these days rather than having to marry a gal first. So why the bad rap?

I can balance that out for you, however, with a little something positive I saw today ... One of my myspace friends is a 23 year old guy in a band. On his page, under the "about me" section, he goes ahead and blurts out the fact that ... HE'S PRO-CHOICE. ?! That was something I haven't seen often, I was sort of in shock.*

*I''m thinking somebody cute needs to get laid soon, too, cuz it ain't like he ain't cute and talented.

I'll be happy to positively reinforce that behavior in a dude tongue.gif
knorl05
i am jan: her man was raised in a muslim home, so that was his reference point.. and the only exposure he has had to feminists was while attending university. he genuinely finds nothing wrong with taking care of women so they dont have to work and can stay at home with the kids. she, on the other hand, is a free spirited bohemian type.. in fact as we were having this conversation she was walking around the house near nude. her exposure to feminists was also while attending a traditional college, so i think hers is more of the academic persuasion. like i said before they meant no harm and were not necessarily attacking feminism, they were more curious than anything. i just think it's unfortunate they seemed to have some pretty naive impressions about the feminist experience.. and considering they're more on the open-minded end of the spectrum, it was slightly discouraging to hear.

anna k: yes i think it would be difficult to find a man online who fits that criteria, unless you are just casually or randomly looking through profiles on online social networks.. like facebook, myspace, friendster.. because once you find an interesting, sexy, good-looking guy, most likely he will be pretty open to the idea of being a fuck friend if that's what you want.
candycane_girl
I'd kind of given up on the whole online dating thing just to check out my dating profile and find that a cute guy had actually "wooed" me. I messaged him and he just messaged me back and mentioned that he loves The Big Lebowski! Okay, that may not seem like a big deal but there's just someothing about me that feels like enjoying the same movies is important. That is all.
erinjane
candycane, I think having the same taste in movies is VERY important. I'm a bit of a movie snob though. If I dated someone who didn't love the big lebowski I might re-think things. tongue.gif As an aside, I've started dating the guy I was talking about in my last post. So far so good. Fingers crossed!
anna k
My date sucked tonight. I liked the Italian cafe we met in, but he was so dull and boring. He told me he was really tired and had little sleep, and had a really "duh" personality. He also received and wrote texts to his friend during the date, which I thought was rude, like I was somebody he was just putting up with. I wrote him an email through Crazy Blind Date saying that his texting was rude, that I was polite about it but others may not be, and if he was so beat and tired he should've cancelled the date instead of treating it like a chore. I hate meeting these duds who I feel too good for.
mouse
you know it's bad when you find out that even the people you were convinced had probably never even had sex are getting regular booty. seriously, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I NEED TO BE FIXED. HELP. you think i'm being funny but i'm serious.
fuego_lento
*delurks*
Mouse, I know that situation very well. One of those people is dating one of my former coworkers, and when I met the guy I couldn't believe someone with such a dead-fish handshake could sustain a relationship with someone as cool as my coworker -- or that he had enough charisma to be getting her naked regularly. And that, meanwhile, I am not getting laid regularly -- because I expect anyone I'm with to have at least a little bit of a personality and to be able to keep up with me. It seems I expect too much of the people I meet.

Anyway, I'm delurking because I'd appreciate some unbiased perspective on my situation. To summarize: I met someone while on a study abroad trip, and we stayed in touch for a couple years and met up another couple times when I visited his city again. There was always this tension between us but he never even tried to kiss me, and I wondered if it was all in my head, that maybe I was sensing tension because I wanted it to be there. He stopped writing more than 10 years ago, no explanation, and I was crushed for a while -- and never forgot him.

A couple months ago I got an email from him at my work address, completely out of the blue -- and yes, it was actually him and not a spammer from Nigeria. I was elated and at the same time a little weirded out. He said he'd wanted to kiss me, way back when, but got shy and never tried and had always wondered how I'd react. Hmmm. He said he'd love to see me again, which is easy to say when there's no chance of that happening -- but then I was planning a trip and found that the least expensive option routed me through his city, which I took as a sign that I should go and see him and at least see what happens. I was really nervous, though, because sometimes what seems supercool when we're at one stage in life seems much less so later on and I was worried I'd be disappointed now that we're both adults.

I went out with him the other night, and he's just as I remembered him. The things I thought were so cool about him are still there, but he's grown up. We spent five hours together, with me unusually tongue-tied. I still can't read him, which didn't stop me from trying all night to gauge his interest in me. He walked me back to the door of my hotel. Double kiss on the cheek. WTF?

So I regressed to being 15 again. I was writing him an email asking why no kiss goodnight when he texted yesterday to see how my day had gone, and mentioned that he thought he might be coming down with a fever. "Maybe it's a good thing I didn't kiss you, then," I wrote back. "It depends," he replied. (Yeah, that's a total cop-out answer.)

I have no idea what to make of him, of the situation. Thoughts?
zoya
make another date if you can. get to know him. It sounds like he's interested and testing the waters, but trying to gauge you and be respectful.

that's my take...
auralpoison
Zoya is right. I mean, he looked you up after ten years, he's gotta be at least a little interested. Hook up again
stargazer
Hey fuego! i agree with zoya and AP, he sounds interested. go out again and let us know how things progress.
auralpoison
See, now, if you've got the Zoya & the Stragazer backin' you up, you know it's the right move. Them ladies know their stuff! Good, no, GREAT LUCK TO YOU, FUEGO!
fuego_lento
Hey, Aural and Stargazer! And thanks, Zoya! Unfortunately, there's probably not going to be another meet-up with him. He skipped work today with a fever and now my cell phone battery's dead and I don't have the charger, so unless he tries to email me (less likely) we've got no way to communicate and my flight home is in about 12 hours.

He will be on the same landmass as me again sometime next month, but flights are prohibitively expensive and I no longer have a job (I quit to take a proper vacation, among other reasons) so unless he does the legwork I won't see him then, either.

I will be irritated, to say the least, if I get an email from him later on indicating interest in smooching me once it's too late to do anything about it.
anna k
I had a good date tonight, finally. The guy was skinny and geeky-looking, and we talked about our backgrounds, and found a common ground in being from Long Island, having taken journalism classes, and listening to the same 90's rock radio interview show. He was a little hyper/weird at times, but I enjoyed talking to him and getting to know him. I'd have a second date with him if he accepted my email that I sent through CBD.
knorl05
heyheyhey. good for you anna k! i checked out that website to see what the deal. you've got some balls lady. i dont think i could, i'd be too freaked out that i'd meet some grimy perv or a rapist or something. were you skerd the first time you met up with one of those blind dates? also if it were me hanging with that rude guy who acted like he had someplace else to be, i would have called him out and took off. no use wasting your time, obviously he wasnt worth it. he probably had no other thoughts on life beyond his desire to get laid. you can meet a guy like that anywhere you go. you, on the other hand, are a unique and interesting woman and deserve to be with someone much better. i know you know that, but i think being told it never gets tiresome. wink.gif the latest boy sounds quite promising..
anna k
Not so much. We got along, but he sent me an email saying "I enjoyed hanging out with you last night. Best of luck to you!" So I know he wasn't interested.

I'm not scared, because we meet in a public place, I don't go back with a guy to his place, at least not on the first date.

Thank you for the compliment, I don't always feel unique and/or interesting, so it's nice to be reminded.
erinjane
I agree anna, I think internet dating has changed a lot in the last 5 years especially. It seems pretty common place now. I feel like I have a pretty good handle of people from their profiles or chatting online and I rarely agree to meet people. Since January I've met 5 folks; 2 turned into friends with benefits and 1 I'm currently dating. I do the public place meeting as well and let a friend know where I'm going and things like that.
mouse
ok WEIRD--today i got an email out of the blue from a guy i went on one date with in the spring of 2007. he saw my name in an art annual and decided to say hello. we met through a personals, went on one date, and then he told me that he didn't think we had "chemistry". so, i figured i'd never hear from him again. now, a year and a half later, he is emailing me because he saw my name somewhere???? WTF? i mean, really? number one, that's weird. number two, well, if he's not interested, then why the hell is he emailing me? does he possibly think that somehow i developed some chemistry in the past 18 months??? BUH??
zoya
...you never know... I've looked up people after years just out of curiosity, and the dynamic had totally changed when we met up - in a good way. You never know what goes on in people's lives over the course of a year and a half that may change them or make them look at things a different way in life. I know I see a lot of things differently than I did a couple years ago, and am open to - and like - totally different stuff... so I say why not keep an open mind and give it a whirl. cant' hurt anything...
Moonpieluv
Hey all..I've been lurking around a bit...been laying low since I left the gaming troll not even a month ago. I still have a lot of self-healing to do. still harbor frustration, sense of rejection, bamboozlement, anger. But it seems to be dissipating at a healthy rate. I'm still looking for work, living with my sister, trying not to beat myself up for getting myself into this situation, or beat myself up for not being able to score a good job in this shitty economy. yada yada.

SO. I still had a OkCupid account opened since before I met my ex narcissicist...and I decided to browse around a bit..update my account. I mean, why not? I'm really not ready to date again...I mean..I don't think it's advisable to date again yet...I don't feel very attractive in my financial, homeless, jobless state...but..

A really cute guy..I mean. Cute. Totally my style, lots in common, artsy, etc. has communicated with me to the point of asking to meet up.

Honestly, most of the guys on Ok are just....not cute. just so not cute. This guy IS. I feel like even if this date doesn't happen, or doesn't work out...it may help the ego a bit. I've been offered dates, etc from guys who just aren't gettin it. I can get a date, but I want a good one. An affirmation that there are guys out there who at the very least share my kitschy interests. That when I am ready...it's out there.

I dunno if it's healthy necessarily for me to go? I feel my family may poo-poo it cause it's so soon...and I do need to keep focused. I should be focusing on ME. I'm not sure if I'm feeling very trusting of men right now, either.
I question his reasons for having so many pets (4 dogs, 2 cats), why he has moved around a bit (I have, as well), why a guy who lives in such a cool town in 2 bands with 4 art shows a year and a 53 Buick can't seem to get a date? I mean, I love animals. and I prefer my mates to like animals, but my ex treated me as if I were a pet...but without the forgiveness for peeing on his rug (i.e. voicing my concerns or opinions or just being HUMAN). You see? Rejection may ensue. He may not like me at all..or vice versa. Buuuuuuuuuuut?
Thoughts?

Mouse---I'd say you could keep communication open, but be guarded. Maybe the person gained a new perspective..and may be ready now to open up to the chemistry. I dunno. I say go with your gut.

kittenb
QUOTE
why a guy who lives in such a cool town in 2 bands with 4 art shows a year and a 53 Buick can't seem to get a date?


It is up to you what you decide to do. There is nothing wrong with a friendly get-together. However, if you are not ready, you are not ready. Just because you meet him, does not mean that anything else has to happen.

And as for your question about, I am a really great person and I couldn't find a date in the 3rd largest city in this country with both hands, a flashlight, a map, and a grappling hook. There is nothing wrong with those of us who try the on-line dating scene. Some of just are not good at meeting people. wink.gif
erinjane
Moonie, I would go for it. I would be honest that it's soon after a previous relationship though just so he knows where you're coming from. When people msg me on POF they always ask why I'm on a dating site...my reason that I was always just wanting to keep my options open. I don't go out to the bar too often, I'm not in University anymore, and I work almost exclusively with women - where the hell am I supposed to meet people?
Moonpieluv
Thanks for the input ladies...by NO means am I doggin online dating. Heck, I've been dabblin for a year or so. I think it's a great way to connect. I've never had luck with on-the-job dates..and as for getting out to the bars? I don't have the cash flow right now. What better way to meet people than going on-line like so many others? Especially in a bigger city. We have a great tendency to keep to ourselves, have engrossing work schedules, etc....and then, sometimes it's just damn hard to meet people.

I was just giving an example of silly questions that have come up in my head. If I were doggin online dating, I wouldn't be doing it myself. Heck, my ex and I reconnected on myspace.

I apologize for that line coming across as a negative. I totally agree with keeping my options open..having some fun with it, etc. My comment about the dudes not being that cute..is cumulative with personality. I've another friend who lives in my area who concurs. She's on Match and OK. Guess when I came across him..I was all. Yay!

As for not being ready, I'm probably not essentially, but I said to myself...keep it casual and have some fun. You're right...Kittenb...nothing else has to happen. But I feel like going... Because I can, damnit. If it seems to be going well, forwarding into a second date, I think it would be good to mention I'm freshly single. He can determine where he wants to go with it from there.
candycane_girl
I was always a bit weary of the online dating thing (even though I'm on a site or two) but last week my friend got engaged to a guy that she met online! They've been together for two years though, so it wasn't spur of the moment but hey, maybe it really can work out.
mouse
okay i do not understand what this guy wants AT ALL. i wrote him back, said i was surprised to hear from him. he wrote back reiterating that he'd seen my name in the book, and figured he'd say hi. told me a little about what he was up to and asked some questions about my life, remembered the jobs i'd been working on when we had met, asked if i'd done anything else like the art mag in question, and was generally inquisitive and pleasant. i write back, answering his questions, commenting on his work, and then gently say that i don't quite buy the "just saying hey" line. he writes back "you're too funny" and then declares, for the third time, that he "just thought he'd say hey". he does clarify that it wasn't the first time he'd thought about saying hello but that before he felt stupid, and he does now too, but at least he has an excuse. this followed with some blah blah about work and life, and then a "take care and talk to you soon".

i still don't get it. if he wants in the pants, if he wants to see me again, why won't he say so? and if he doesn't, why the hell is he talking to me?

i don't want to have to be all "so getting to the point, do you want to bone me this time around or what?" but i think i may have to. help, ladies?
zoya
mouse - I say fuck it. Sounds like you've opened the door, and he's not walking through - so I say don't waste your time. Why should you have to work to figure out what this guy wants when it sounds like he's being too much of a pussy to be straight forward about his motives. Maybe he really did just want to say hello and see what you're up to, out of curiosity. Maybe he was testing the waters in some way, but he's kinda got a half assed way of doing it, if so, and do you really want to deal with that shit? I say why do the work of even trying to figure out what he's up to - I say just don't even write back, and move along.

Men mystify me. Seriously.


anna k
I got stood up again on my date. It felt so dull and a waste of time, and I gave up my kickboxing class for it, which would've have been more exciting and interesting. Why do I even bother with these dates? I give guys a chance, and keep meeting these socially awkward dull nerdy types who just bore me and make me feel "eh" about them. It may sound rude of me to say that, but I've had plenty of experience encountering those kinds of guys through online dating. Yet my life now is all about work, with my PT job and my new internship, so not much time to hang around looking for guys to date unless I happen to meet someone interesting without trying. That would be great if that happened.
candycane_girl
Okay, so I was talking to this guy online back and forth for a few weeks through OK cupid. Usually I take a day or two to respond but he responds right away. Now it's been like 4 days and absolutely nothing in response to my last email. WTF?
crazyoldcatlady
[edit]
datagirl
Crazyoldcatlady I Hear YOU!!
Oh my god I do. The same thing is happening to me and I'm 31 in 2 days so yeah....

I left a wedding of an old friend early yesterday without saying goodbye because the muck was just too in my face.I know it was selfish but she wouldn't have noticed anyway.When I say 'old' friend I mean we knew each other a long time ago and haven't stayed in contact.But I know it was a shitty to do but I was just so depressed.The couple told me afew months ago that they were only getting married for their six year old daughter anyway so all the speeches about love and forever just broke my heart and reinforced my cynicism.
I know said friend is going to hate me for doing that or maybe not.I just don't give a shit right now.

I'm actually missing a guy I broke up with on Wednesday.He'd only communicate through sms and msn.Hmmm there must be a 'type' that I can name maybe 'profoundly inadequate net boyfriends' they never call or see you in person and treat the relationship like it's overseas.So why am I 'missing' him.
Probably because at this very moment an sms or an email is better than nothing at all.
candycane_girl
I really wasn't sure where to post this. I have my first date next week in like, a year! The thing is, we only have the actual date set, we haven't decided what we want to do. This guy is super cute and we already have some interesting things in common so I was just wondering if anyone has ideas for a good first date. I just want to do something fun with him that will allow us to talk a lot.
geekchickknits
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Nov 14 2008, 08:18 PM) *
I really wasn't sure where to post this. I have my first date next week in like, a year! The thing is, we only have the actual date set, we haven't decided what we want to do. This guy is super cute and we already have some interesting things in common so I was just wondering if anyone has ideas for a good first date. I just want to do something fun with him that will allow us to talk a lot.


You're in Toronto, right? Go check out the new AGO! I also have been enjoying lately strolling through at least one bookstore.

candycane_girl
That sounds cool but we're meeting on a Friday night and the AGO closes at 8:30. sad.gif Coffee would give us a chance to chat but I want to d something that will kind of...give us something to talk about. At least if we could go to the AGO we could discuss the art.
sniggles
I swear, there is something about me that attracts guys on the rebound.

Dude I've been dating for a few weeks had started avoiding me, so i just texted him last night asking what was up... turns out he's not over his ex. the really fucked up thing about this is we had this discussion before we even went on our first date. He was pretty adamant about me assuring him I had no feelings for any of my ex bf's. when i asked him the same thing he said no, and I could tell he was lying. I really should have known something was up with that. I really liked him too.... I feel like such a fool. sad.gif
geekchickknits
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Nov 15 2008, 05:39 PM) *
That sounds cool but we're meeting on a Friday night and the AGO closes at 8:30. sad.gif Coffee would give us a chance to chat but I want to d something that will kind of...give us something to talk about. At least if we could go to the AGO we could discuss the art.


Taste Wine Bar out on Queen West is a nice little place, and the Bishop and the Belcher pub has board games on site - operation, scrabble, sorry, mastermind, uno
mouse
so resurfacing guy wants to hang out. eh. if it turns out he still doesn't think there's "chemistry" and he's just built me up in his head because it's been a year and now he cant' get a date, ima punch him in the face. but if not, i'm totally into having some stupid nsa bullshit with some passably cute asshole who lives very far away from me and doesn't know any of my friends. i'm serious.
thirtiesgirl
Go for it, mouse. Casual sex definitely has it's purposes, and it's especially good (emotionally speaking) if the person is not someone you see on a regular basis.

I can't believe I'm just catching up on some of the posts in this thread. Good gracious, funk's a nutter. And thanks for the advice, ladies, about my sex question...four months back. Ach. I'm really slow on the uptake. I liked your comment, Jan, about feeling the same excitement I felt back in high school when I first started dating. ...If only that had been true. I wasn't allowed to date in high school, so I didn't. The closest I got was one boyfriend who I saw only at school, which I wouldn't exactly qualify as 'dating.' We'd just hang out in the hallway, holding hands, and once he tried to kiss me. We were both very socially inept teenagers, so we had no idea how to go about even being with each other. It lasted 3 weeks.

With regard to internet dating... in my experience (and I've had about 8 years of it), it can really suck. I've been so disheartened so many times, I've given up hope and given up the search more times than I care to count. But, after nearly 8 years of looking, I've finally found a guy who, I believe, embodies what I'm looking for in a long-term partner. It remains to be seen if our current online dating situation will work into a long-term relationship, but this experience has shown me that if you look long enough and know what you want, you *can* find him (or her, in my effort to be inclusive of all genders and sexual preferences). I know 3 other women who have met long term partners online, two of whom married their online finds. In my history of online dating, I've met two other guys who I felt were really worth my time. Unfortunately, they weren't that into me, so the relationships didn't take off. But this tells me that there *are* worthwhile guys and girls out there, if you just don't give up the search.
mumblestutter
FRUSTRATION is the word! ugh. i LIKE being part of a couple. not in a weird-clingy "lets buy matching outfits" way but in i LIKE having some one who LIKES doing things with me, has similar interests & is all about the mutual support. it's so weird to read over this thread & the crushes thread. it sounds like a "relationship" is something a woman does to a man... like it's something he must be tricked or brow-beaten into.

i need a totally awesome feminist dude who loves music... and i'm not sure where to find him.

and i'm feeling all angstie. i've recently gotten into touch with a bunch of OLD friends... somehow, they're all celebrating one year wedding aniverseries... and well... the word is so far removed from my live, i can't even spell it. not that i want to rush into something... as there are waves of marriages, there will be waves of divorces (i hope not... but generally inevetiable...)

but it makes me think... makes me wonder about numbers... about age & relationships. should I have someone by now? should i be in something? where is this person i've been looking for? why haven't we connected? am i being too picky?

AND... making matters more complicated. most of the guys in my life are younger than me by about 5 years. it confuses me b/c when i was their age, i didn't WANT anything serious so i'm hesitant to get involved. but on the other hand, somehow all the guys i encounter who are my age are seriously taken.
twelve_percent
I just turned 18 and my only relationship has been with a gay guy. I am very frustrated. Everyone tells me waiting is better. No heartbreak, no tears, no sleep deprivation. But isn't that why people have relationships? Life's not beautiful without the pain right?
Persiflager
*posting like a mad thing because the ofice is empty and she plans to avoid work all day*

Hey twelve_percent, welcome! I think 'everyone' is talking at least half nonsense. Singledom definitely beats being stuck in a rubbish or mediocre relationship, or going through a painful break-up, but isn't generally as fun as a smashing lovely to play with. That said, I wish I hadn't been so frustrated when I was 18 that I flew to Helsinki to sleep with my holiday fling (who really did have a girlfriend as all my friends said he did), spent 6 months rhapsodizing about the beauty and tragedy of our doomed 'romance', then eventually realised how much fun I'd been missing out on while mooning over someone who'd forgotten about me the moment I got back on the plane.

Ooh, sorry, that sounds quite patronising! I think I just meant to say that you're right to be frustrated, but I don't recommend sleeping with a Finnish git to relieve the frustration. Which you probably wouldn't have done anyway. Um, I'm going to be quiet now...

Also hey to mumblestutter! I don't think it's worth getting too worried about numbers - quite a few of my friends are married now as well (I'm 27) but one's already divorced, and when my mum was my age she had already married, had one kid, divorced and re-married (much more happily). She remains firm in her maternal pressure to not rush into anything.

*wanders off to bother the canteen staff for a cup of tea*
twelve_percent
Yeah, numbers mean nothing. I understand that. But not having an actual loving romantic relationship finds me feeling lonely.

I have a great family but I suppose I will always want more in the area of love.
mumblestutter
i do think that 12% has a point... there is some kind of exciting agony that comes with falling in love... hope that it will be something... fear that it won't. yea! - nervous energy. BUT i definalty agree w/ persi - rushing in to a relationship with someone who's a warm body is a waste of energy. i had a pretty meh relationship that lasted a couple of years. we never really liked eachother that much... but didn't really piss eachother off either so things just sort of went on... boringly for far longer than nesecary now that i look back on things.

i'm also 27 & have a couple of friends already divorcing. i'm not desperate to get married. i just really want a connection. i really *like* to share and create and explore with someone who... understands. i theory, i agree with the school of "age is just a number". But i cant help but feel skeezy/akward even thinking about guys who are still in college. from a young age, i'd been required to be responsible for alot. i don't act like an old lady at all & i've always had friends ranging in ages... but i guess it just feels like at a certain age difference i should be a friend or a mentor. not a romantic interest...
zoya
ok, I'm gonna have a pity party for a second.... I have a great life. I support myself 100% and I take good care of myself. I have great friends who are there for me. I live in a place I really love. Most everything in my world is fine and I'm happy with it.

Nearly everyone I know around me, and I truly do mean nearly EVERYONE I know, is in a good relationship. There are a couple of my friends who are struggling a bit with their relationships, but their partners are at into and willing to work on it. I don't understand why I don't seem to find any of that. I know it might sound like I'm saying "oh everyone is in a relationship and I should be too," but that's not what I mean - it just drives the point home that I can't even get anything off the ground. And it's been nearly 5 years since I broke up with my ex. It's not like I've only been single for a year or two.

I'm not looking for someone to complete me, I'm looking for someone to compliment me. I just want someone who can be my best friend, who reciprocates my feelings for them, someone who its really just comfortable to be with (and we have great sex.) I'm an easy girl to be with. I have done so much work on myself in every kind of way to get to that place and I just fail to see why every fucking thing I get into doesn't work out. I'm even meeting truly nice guys nowadays, and it STILL doesn't work out.

I'm not out actively looking for it - I think it should happen organically, and I don't really have a problem meeting guys that way, so it's not in the actual meeting of the guys... I don't feel like a victim, like something is against me, it's not that - I just don't understand. I just want to beat my head against the wall. I'm know this will pass, it always passes. (which in itself kinda sucks that I'm getting used to that) it's just that yet another fucking thing hasn't worked out, and I feel fucking awful right now.

anna k
zoya, it's totally cool for you to vent. You're an incredible and wonderful woman, I get that vibe from your posts.

I feel bad because I've never had a boyfriend. Two years ago I dated two guys several times each before turning them down because I ended up liking them platonically. It took me a few years to get physically/sexually comfortable with guys, and I'm so used to being on my own that I can't imagine being in a real relationship with anybody. Or I feel bad because I haven't had luck recently with dating or sex, or was too shy/intimidated by men who I was attracted to because I felt like I was too inexperienced for them.

I'm not out there looking for it either. I've done online dating/blind dates at various times, and don't like it. I prefer getting to know men better in my natural environments, from when I was in college to working at a PR agency to meeting people in my gym class. There's no pressure or pre-made thing about dating, just getting to know someone casually and slowly developing an interest in them. That's the best for me.

QUOTE
I'm not looking for someone to complete me, I'm looking for someone to compliment me. I just want someone who can be my best friend, who reciprocates my feelings for them, someone who its really just comfortable to be with (and we have great sex.) I'm an easy girl to be with. I have done so much work on myself in every kind of way to get to that place and I just fail to see why every fucking thing I get into doesn't work out. I'm even meeting truly nice guys nowadays, and it STILL doesn't work out.


I want that too. I've worked hard for years to get past my natural shyness, have had minor success in writing, have had a lot of varied experiences by myself or with others, and have slowly learned about my sexuality during the last few years (I was a late bloomer when it came to dating/sex). Although even though I've been called pretty/beautiful a lot in the last several years by both men and women, I still get self-conscious and think of myself as an average-looking nerd, and feel like I'm not sexy/cute enough for a guy to want me around for the long run.
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