Thanks, Rogue, I just wanted to offer some encouragement. Nobody wants to think, "I'm going to die alone & my cats will feast upon my remains", but the dating world can be so discouraging at times.
Honestly, I do not think enough can be said for "alone time". It's a really, really, really good thing. If you're not ready to be out there, then by all means, don't force yourself to. Ya'll know your own hearts & needs, when you're ready to try again, I trust that you will.
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Nov 23 2009, 09:06 PM)
AP, I know that it's okay to date around, what I'm talking about are those women who are so desperate that you can feel it. It oozes out of them and taints what could otherwise be a fun date because you know that they aren't looking at a guy as Mr. Fun Date they are looking at him as Potential Husband. They end up getting so caught up in finding "the one" that they can't just let go and allow themselves to naturally meet someone. I do not want to be that girl.
Ah, now I know what you mean, sorry. I have a friend of a friend that is like that, but she's pushing forty & is feeling that biological clock voodoo (Mine's digital & runs on a potato, so no worries) & it is fucking up her love life. She goes into every date thinking, "Is this the ONE
? He could be the ONE
. GOD, I HOPE he's the ONE
." And the guys run for the fucking hills.
You're young & fresh off a breakup, CC_G, you certainly are not & I doubt that you ever would be "that girl".
I don't really know how to put myself out there because I mean really, where do you meet guys? I'm not meeting anyone at school because I'm at least 5 years older than everyone else. I haven't gone out to shows in a while but I never really met guys there either. I don't know, I've just never been the kind of girl who has met guys in random situations.
This? I cannot answer. As somebody loves to point out to me, not everybody is like me. The second I made my grand entrance into this world I was charming people left & right. I'm gregarious & outgoing & I meet people everywhere. Hell, I met HB on a date with my bf at the time at a picnic.
And again, you rock a LOT of negativity, CC_G. Until you've got a better hold on why you put yourself down so frequently, it's probably better that you're flying solo.
HCBeck? I hope you were having a bad day yesterday or something because if not? You? Are a straight-up hot fucking mess that quite frankly, scares the ever-living shit out of me. That underlying tone of resentment & entitlement? You are putting some seriously bad fuckin' juju into the universe, man & it doesn't surprise me at all that you don't date much.
QUOTE(hcbeck @ Nov 23 2009, 05:44 AM)
I've always preferred the company of women. I'm not sold on many of the aspects of being a 'man.'
Okay. But if you're interested in adult relationships with heterosexual women, you don't have much choice, do you? We're none too keen on boys for the most part.
There is no one definition of being a "man". It's not all chest-thumping, macho, retardo bullshit. What is it that makes being a "man" (by your definition) so unappealing? Were you/are you perhaps bullied/made to feel inferior by so called "men"?
Unfortunately my 'being yourself' means that others think I don't need anyone.
People cannot read minds, HCB. Women? Are not psychic, no matter what anybody says about "feminine intuition". If you aren't putting it out there that you're interested, how is a person supposed to know what it is you want? And putting it out there correctly
, I might add. There are hardwired biological cues as well as more societal ones that can make or break a potential match. I've met many a man that seemed nice enough as an acquaintance, but that made me uncomfortable enough on a gut level that I kept them two arm lengths away from me at all times & that I would NEVER consider dating. It was pure, primal instinct along the lines of, "That boy ain't right."
Dating shouldn't be about making plans for the rest of our lives together, but just working out if I want to see them one more time.
I note you use the word "I" here. Relationships are not about "I", they are about "we". Do you even care if she
wants to see you
again? It's a two way street, dude.
But, no, you shouldn't be picking out china patterns on a first date. First dates are about, "Hi. Let me show you some good things about me & I'll let you show me some good things about you. If enough of those good things work, we can try again & see what happens. Maybe down the road we might move in together, get married, rub fuck parts & have a baby or whatever." There's no hard & fast of course, sometimes it takes less/more time depending upon the connection made. Or NOT made.
A constant excuse I give myself: I want to learn about dating, but I don't want to objectify people by using them for practice.
How can I learn how to hide what I need to hide to play the mating game? All truth all the time doesn't work well.
All I need is to do is work out a way of coming up with a persona that looks like a lover instead of a friend. A specific kind of white lie.
So, you don't want to objectify people by practicing your getting to know you skills, but you want to trick them with a phony "persona", a "specific kind of white lie" that pretty much guarantees that you're a friggin' sociopath? How can you ride both the high horse & the low at the same time(That's gotta be murder on the 'nads!)? With that kind of attitude, you might as well take one of those lame-ass seduction courses or buy one of those "How to Date Hot Chicks" books & see how far they get you.
Seriously, though. You scare me, man. Like, George-Sodini-gonna-shoot-me-up-a-gym-full-of-women scare me.