I broke up with my bf tonight. I feel like such an ogre. I'm usually the dumper in the relationship, and it never bothered me before, so why do I feel like such a monster now? I didn't even love him... and he didn't seem to care... why should I be all upset?

O.k. straight up I envy all of you that are usually the dumper! I don't get dumped usually, but worse I just settle and let these idiots assume themselves into my life. I am such a strong person in every other situation, but I'm mush when it comes to hurting someone feelings. For example, I've been with a guy for 5 years and have two children with him, but I've never been in love with him. There are things I love about him, but I cannot honestly say that I have ever been in love with him. He can be jealous, sometimes tries to be controlling (I won't allow that though?!)Everytime I try to break up with him, he makes me feel guilty! Obviously guilt is my demon. I get to the point where I'd rather just go along with it, than deal with the drama. I feel like such an idiot, 'cause I know the problem. I just don't know how to change myself to fix it.
How can I release myself from this? What goes on in your head when you're dumping someone?