Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Bipolar disorder
The BUST Lounge > Forums > Our Bodies, Our Hells
Pages: 1, 2
deschatsrouge
I am bipolar and have been so since the age of eight. My parents are inept and ignorant so instead of getting me treatment they beat me. The disease has wreaked havoc on my academics, has inhibited my ability to have good relationships and has alienated me from my family. I only got better when I decided I wanted to.(you can't decide you are not menatlly ill, but you can decide to seek treatment) I have found that having a good relationship with a clinician is important, a doctor is your link to health and productivity. I have good communication with my doctor, and because of that she has been able to find the right medication for me (seroquel). My advice, no one can get better for you, stay on your meds, keep your doctor appointments and don't give up hope.
knorl05
"My advice, no one can get better for you"... such wise advice for ANYONE. i believe everyone has an area of their life that they want to improve, and it is essential to realize it is our own responsiblity to do so.
deschatsrouge
The hardest thing about being bipolar for me was giving up the dream of "normal" I had to accept taking meds for the rest of my life. (that may not apply to everyone)After I accepted bipolar disorder as a part of myself, I was able to move on, function, hold down a job, and get an education. Understanding the bipolar part of my self gave me one of my missing pieces back.
suffering
Deschatsrouge: I'm glad you found something that has helped you get on with your life. Medications never worked for me so I went the alternative route. What did you study at school?

I am just reading lately about how bipolar disorder can be related to Lyme disease. I am going to get tested for Lyme soon as I have a lot of symptoms that point towards this diagnosis, including bipolar. Who knows! I will be curious to see the results. Has anyone else read about this link between Lyme&bipolar?
deschatsrouge
Hi Suffering,
I'm working towards my degree in sign language interpretation. I have never heard of a corralation between lyme disease and bipolar. I have heard that families with a history of schizophrenia also have a history of bipolar. This might be the case in my family, as I have ancestors who have schizophrenia . I have heard that this is why some of the medicines used to treat schizophrenia also work on bipolar. I am sure there is some kind of info about this corralation some where but I am no expert on the matter. If any one has info about any bipoal/pathic correlations I encourage them to post a link or tell us about it.
suffering
Hi,

Sign language interpretation, that sounds pretty interesting! I was working towards my English literature degree before I got sick (health problems sort of related to bipolar but not totally). I have had fatigue and urinary symptoms for two years now so my degree/life is on hold. I have two credits left to go. How long is the sign language interpretation course? It sounds cool.

I think you are right about the correlation between schizophrenia and bipolar. I have read this a number of times but really don't know much about it. It's weird because there seems to be absolutely no family history of bipolar for me. I always hear about this genetic link but I don't know of anyone in my family with either depression or bipolar. I also never responded really to the psychiatric bipolar meds and I have been wondering if that is because maybe my problems were caused by Lyme? Who knows really. I think I have Lyme disease on the brain these days. I am trying to find a solution to my health problems so am trying to rule out absolutely everything.

I think that was a huge digression...! I have a whole bunch of books about bipolar/psychosis and I read them in small chunks because there is so much info. it takes a while for me to absorb it, especially considering I do not have a science background.
knorl05
here's what i wonder..? perhaps it's just based on my subjective experience.. but i'm a highly sensitive individual. i react more intensely to my surroundings than most people. i wonder if bipolar is just a form of sensitivity? as in, we simply react to our ever-changing environments. especially with so much going on around us "these days".. what with technology increasing the way it is, and the media and entertainment industries being so blatant. i think maybe we have a hard time assessing the information we are being bombarded with because our sensitivity leaves us more exposed..? is that too simplistic? or even feasible? for some reason i just think it's not right to write people off as having "chemical imbalances".. i think that's too easy. each human is made up of their own unique molecular combinations. i think it's impossible to look at this as a them vs. us type of thing. like those with balanced chemicals and those whose chemicals are imbalanced. i just think there's another answer.
suffering
knorl05-

Interesting theory about the sensitivity thing. When you say you react more intensely to your surroundings how do you mean exactly?

I have heard the theory that bipolar disorder is on the rise because of nutritional deficiencies. Our soil today contains way fewer nutrients than it did generations ago and as a result we just aren't getting enough nutrients. It seems plausible to me especially if you look up the the symptoms of many vitamin deficiencies you will see that a lot of them are related to depression/anxiety/mood swings. The only thing I have had success with for my depression/bipolar is a vitamin-mineral supplement so who knows - maybe that was my problem all along?

I also think that the introduction of antidepressants plays a big role in the increase in people being diagnosed with bipolar. So many people go to their doctor with unipolar depression and are given antidepressants. Then when they experience an antidepressant induced manic episode they are told they have bipolar. The theory is that the antidepressant revealed ('unmasked'? what is the expression?) the underlying bipolar disorder. I have often heard that bipolar patients only seek help for the depressive episodes and not the hypomanic/manic ones and that is why it gets misdiagnosed and that's why they are initially given antidepressants rather than mood stabilizers. This may be the case for some but I know it was not the case for me as I never experienced anything remotely like mania until the antidepressants. But maybe it is the case for some - who knows?

What would you describe as a highly sensitive individual? I am just trying to figure out how this would play into the media theory that you have. It is totally possible you are right but personally I think the nutritional deficiencies theory makes sense as well (especially for me because the vitamins-minerals are working so well for my mood).

I totally agree with you that it is way too easy to write it off as a chemical imbalance. So far I haven't seen much evidence of this chemical imbalance. All we really have are a bunch of theories. It seems that the chemical imbalance theory is pushed by the media. I can't tell you how many times I have come across this on TV and in magazines. It is especially pushed by drug companies with direct advertising to the patient... the message is: "depression is a chemical imbalance" and our product fixes that imbalance. I get really sick of hearing it stated as fact when I haven't seen any proof yet of the imbalance that causes bipolar disorder.
knorl05
suffering: thank you for your insight and useful information. :-) along the lines of nutrition, i also think all the chemicals and preservatives we're putting into our foods are having a negative effect on us. i believe it's manifesting in tons of personality and emotional "disorders".. that combined with environmental factors, like how society continues to become more harsh and transparent.

the high sensitivity, i've read, is due to an overactive nervous system. our senses are hightened.. to the point of picking up on higher frequencies (sound, light, touch, etc). it's kind of like sensory overload for those who are overly sensitive to their environments. also, you've heard the expression "dont be so sensitive", referring to someone who takes everything personally. we basically internalize everything.

i guess this connection i'm trying to make.. i can see how other disorders, such as AD/HD could contribute to an overactive nervous system. that bipolar could simply be an extreme manifestation of an inability to appropriately respond to one's circumstances.

i know i perhaps seem all over the place with this. i just really feel facing our disorders from a holistic approach is most beneficial.. realizing that each situation is unique and really getting into the individual is important to improve one's quality of life. unique nutritional needs, combined with lifestyle changes, and an awareness of one's self, can really produce great results.

i think we're pretty much on the same page.. what do you think?
deschatsrouge
Because bipolar is not very well understood I tend to take the western medicine approach of treating my illness. Only because I have been extremely lucky. My mental health services are paid for by the state and I have the best doctor available in my area. I also do not have to pay for my very expensive and cutting edge medication. I understand that not every one is that lucky, some don't have the $$ to pay for doctors and medication and some simply do not respond to western medical treatments. I think that if treating your ilness in an unconvetional/nonwestern way is the only way that has thus far worked or the only thing you can afford I am in favor of it. However if you do have access to doctors and have experianced an effective treatment through medications and you can affor it I am staunchly opposed to taking your self off the treatment so you can experement on yourself with unconventional methods. My point is, if you are on meds and they are working, stay on them.
I am aware of the effect that antidepressants have on bipolar people. If a person who has pibolar takes an antidepressant it can cause a severe manic episode. I have gone through such an event. I must say it was very unpleasant. I have also heard those who are bipolar can get a bit or relief from exercise, say a brisk walk. I took up belly dancing which has been a compliment to my treatment, and somthing I can do well into old age. It makes sense that a healthy diet can be beneficial, it seems most medical conditions improve with diet and exercise. The trouble is what if you are in a low, perhapse you just can't make your self eat healthy and get off the couch. I say, do what you can.
deschatsrouge
hello??? did I scare everyone away?
suffering
Deschatsrouge: you didn't scare me away I have just been too tired lately to respond!

I think you are right that if you are on medication that is working why switch? Unfortunately none of the meds worked for me or if they did they only worked for 6 months then stopped working (like lithium, it stopped working for me in under a year). My lithium levels just kept dropping despite the fact that I was taking it as prescribed.

I realize that you are opposed to people taking themselves off medications to try and experiment with alternative methods however a lot of people simply don't have any choice. I personally did not have any other options. I asked my psychiatrist if he would monitor me during the transition phase but he said absolutely not. What choice did I have really? None. I was totally unable to function on meds. Some people can function on meds and some can't and no one knows why it works for some and not for others.

I too had two manic episodes induced by antidepressants and you're right it is horrible. The first one was a hypomanic period (with some ultra rapid cycling for good measure!) as a result of Paxil. That went on for over a year. It also went undiagnosed. The second episode was a nearly full blown manic episode (minus psychosis) as a result of Effexor.

And exercise does help too. I never found it helpful when I was depressed however which is weird since I always have read how helpful it is for depression. I was quite depressed throughout most of my high school years and I was also exercising a lot (on the cross country team, track team, nordic ski team, doing triathlons, etc). I ran at least one hour each day if not more but I was still really depressed. I guess it can only help so much?

Uhhh I hope my message was coherent! I am really tired.
janie90
Deschatsrouge,

Hi, I have had Bi-Polar for the past ten years, now I take Depakote and Zoloft for it. I have more the depressive side of it, so the antidepressent Zoloft really helps me out. I only have to see me Psychiatrist every 3 months for maintenance, I am so glad this thread came out, cause there is so much misinformation out there about BiPolar Disorder. I think that is so cool that you are studying Sign Language. I think the link between Schizoidphrenia/ Bi-Polar comes from the fact that some BiPolars experience extreme mania, and start hallucinating sounds, and/or sights/smells that aren't really there. so sometimes a doc will prescribe a small dose of an anti-psychotic to help them function in a mentally healthy, normal way.
deschatsrouge
Hi, Y'all, sorry you are not feeling well suffering *Hugs suffering* Hang in there, I think you are doing the right thing by trying to find a treatment that works for you. You are not giving up. *Hugs suffering again*

Janie as I understand it Bipolar and Schizoidphrenia are related because they originate in the same part of the brain (the amygdala I think????) and they are also concurrently congenital, meaning families that have one also have the other

I have halucinations when I am not medicated. It's rather disturbing. the last time I had them I was living alone so I had no way of discerning the real from the imagined. I have tactile halucinations and visual halucinations. I see and feel bugs crawling over me and my bed when there are none. I also see bald midgets in hospital scrubs hiding behind my couch. These expereinces alone are enough to make me want to stay medicated. halucinations suck a big one.
deschatsrouge
arrrg, double post!
deschatsrouge
I also feel like crap I ran out of meds this weekend and I have a frickin final today, Godess help me!
knorl05
deschatsrouge: sounds intense. i think it's phenomenal that you are finishing through with school despite your struggles. keep up the good work! how are finals?
deschatsrouge
Finals suck the big one, I had my physics lab final a couple weeks ago and this week I had my political science final. On Thursday I have my geology final and Friday I have my math final. I try to spoil myself when I'm under so much stress.

Question, What meds have worked for folks and what meds haven't? How do people deal with the side effects, what side effects are to severe to deal with?

opheliathemuse
Just a mention for epilepsy...it also is very closely related to bipolar disorder. My twin brother has bipolar and I have epilepsy. Neurology is fascinating.

How were the finals, deschatsrouge?
deschatsrouge
@%#&% Finals!!!! I'm soooo tired and I still have a math final tomorrw!

I love every one thanks for being so supportive.
2loteria
Hi- very interesting post. It is such a support to know there are other gals going through what I have experienced. I have been recently diagnosis with bipolar, which should not be a big surprise for me since my Dad is manic bp, and my mom is realizing she has serve depression. I have been on Welbutrin for 2 years, and then stopped due to the anxiety attacks it caused. I tried alternative methods such as acupuncture, acupressure, and herbal remedies. All mildly worked, but too expensive. Deschatsrouge is right to alternatives; it is good if you can afford it. I am now on a mood stabilizer called Lamitcal for the past 6 months. It has been pretty good. I think it was created for epilepsy. My Doc stated that it is dangerous to be on antidepressants without a stabilizer, and I agree. The Welbutrin threw me in the opposite direction of panic attacks. I am interested to try the vitamins that Suffering has been taking, I will check out the website. Thanks a bunch for starting this link. It has really helped out!
deschatsrouge
I have taken lamictal briefly as an alternative to an antidepressant (antidepressants are a no-no for bipolar folks) And it was good. I am a big fan of seruquel, I have been on it for four years and have remained stable for the duration of that time. It is expensive but for me it has been a miracle drug. (Astra-Zenica should hire me as spokes person) I would recomend it to any one.

It makes me angry that some people are profoundly affected my their illness but there is no way for them to get help. Has any one Been to a Natoinal Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) meeting? Sometimes you can get treatment ideas and support there. The fact remains that in most cases you must be your own advocate, that can be so hard especially if you are really sick. Gather strength from supportive realionships and cultivate new ones. I have found that love from those kinds of relationships has lent me some will power when I had none of my own. That is why I like this link, I want to lend some of my will power to those who need it now, and retun the favor given to me.
suffering
Deschatrouge: What a positive post, thank you for sharing.
deschatsrouge
How are you feeling suffering? Hows the treatment search going? Any breakthroughs?
suffering
Hi Deschatsrouge,

I haven't yet made any breakthroughs. You can read about my saga in the "when peeing rules your life: Urinary tract infections" thread. Basically the gist is that my life has been on hold for 2 years because of these urinary symptoms and because of fatigue and serious sleep problems.

I did have 3 infections (three, I can't believe it) in my urethra but it doesn't seem that they are causing my symptoms. I went through very intensive treatment.

In terms of my mood it's alright all things considered which is amazing. My psychiatrist is very impressed that my mood is so stable given all the sleep deprivation (knock on wood!). I saw him yesterday and he gave me a sleep medication to try. The sleep is the worst part.

I hope you are well. I bet you are glad finals are almost over!
deschatsrouge
*Sends sleep vibes to suffering*

Finals are over!!!!! I'm so having a pint of Ben and Jerrys
janie90
Deschatrouge, Congrats on finishing your finals. However I disagree with you that anti-depressents are bad for people with Bi-Polar, I and several of my friends with Bi-Polar all take a moood stabilizer and a anti-depressent becasue we have more of the depressive side of bi-polar. I have been on several different Medications over the years for my condition, currently zoloft & Depakote work fairly well for me, except I still have those sleepless nights every once in a while which really sucks. Is anyone out there unable to work because of their condition? On Social Security? I have been the past year. Went to college for a term last fall, planning on going back in a while.
knorl05
janie90: i tend to work jobs that dont require much responsibility on my part. i worked in an art gallery, as a bartender, now a receptionist. i'm getting tired of it though.. realizing i'm much more than my disorders, and trying to really establish myself as an individual with unique conditions. it's harder for us, but there are so many benefits to being this way that it makes it worth it. down with conformity.
suffering
Hi knorl05: what do you mean benefits to "being this way"? Do you mean benefits to being bipolar? Personally I can't see any at all.

Janie90:I think antidepressants are different for everyone. I personally have had bad experiences with antidepressants every time I've taken them (which is 3 times). I found even with a mood stabilizer they made me feel in a mixed state, very agitated. I am always amazed when people respond well to antidepressants because I had such nightmare experiences with them.
knorl05
suffering: individuals with bipolar are far more creative and interesting than normal people. once you learn to really let your difference work in your favor, you see that you've been blessed with a beautiful, unique, intense mind. these are all very beneficial things. at least in my opinion, because i truly value the soul of an individual.
deschatsrouge
I hated being on antidepressants, they sent me into a manic episode.

It's true about there being hypercreativity. When am in a manic state I'm very prolific. I write a lot. However If I have to chose between the creativity and stability, I choose stability. I feel very unhealthy when I'm manic. I don't sleep, I don't eat, I'm rude and aggresive. I don't find being in a state of madness pleasurable.
suffering
deschatsrouge: I am with you on the antidepressants. I have a horrible manic episode on Effexor (also had a nearly year long hypomanic episode on Paxil).

I just found out I have Lyme disease. It gets misdiagnosed all the time as other things like depression and bipolar. Now I am wondering if this was causing my depression all along. I am wondering if I don't have bipolar at all. I don't quite know what to think.

knorl05: I am one of those people who've never experienced creativity as part of a manic episode. I love to write but I never associated it with the bipolar. I've never done any good writing while depressed or manic just lost a lot of time (and potential writing time). Sorry if my post was a bit of a downer, it's just my experience.
deschatsrouge
Suffering,
I'm so happy that you have been properly diagnosed! That is a huge step in the right direction! I wish you the best of luck in your treatment.

suffering
Thank you so much.
deschatsrouge
hello? is any one alive?
suffering
just barely. what's up?
deschatsrouge
I have the worst panic attacks when I go to work, it's all I can do not to throw up. does this happen to anyone else?
suffering
I had really horrible panic attacks when I came off benzodiazepines. I'd never had them before and haven't had them since. They are extremely unpleasant. I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble with panic attacks.
Lucy
QUOTE(suffering @ Apr 27 2006, 04:16 PM) *

Hi, <BR> <BR>Sign language interpretation, that sounds pretty interesting! I was working towards my English literature degree before I got sick (health problems sort of related to bipolar but not totally). I have had fatigue and urinary symptoms for two years now so my degree/life is on hold. I have two credits left to go. How long is the sign language interpretation course? It sounds cool. <BR> <BR>I think you are right about the correlation between schizophrenia and bipolar. I have read this a number of times but really don't know much about it. It's weird because there seems to be absolutely no family history of bipolar for me. I always hear about this genetic link but I don't know of anyone in my family with either depression or bipolar. I also never responded really to the psychiatric bipolar meds and I have been wondering if that is because maybe my problems were caused by Lyme? Who knows really. I think I have Lyme disease on the brain these days. I am trying to find a solution to my health problems so am trying to rule out absolutely everything. <BR> <BR>I think that was a huge digression...! I have a whole bunch of books about bipolar/psychosis and I read them in small chunks because there is so much info. it takes a while for me to absorb it, especially considering I do not have a science background.


Suffering,
I'm new to this forum (and forums in general) so I hope you get this post since I am replying to a post from 2006. My husband has Lyme disease, and I have Bipolar II. He has mood swings just like mine. He never had problems with his mood before he got Lyme. He is on Tetracycline (500mg 3 times a day). It's only been about 6 weeks, and he is still having a herx reaction with only a couple of days scattered through the 6 weeks of relief. He has terrible muscle spasms and other physical symptoms, and he has a lot of the neurological symptoms of Lyme (memory loss, mood swings, inability to think of words, etc.). If you haven't checked into Lyme yet, try Lymenet. There is a lot of info. and a forum.
I'm on Lamictal, and it has been a miracle cure (almost). I have not had the major depressions I had before, and no side effects. If I had not gotten help when I did (about the time my husband's Lyme got so bad he couldn't do anything), we never would have made it through this.
My best wishes to you smile.gif . I hope to learn more about bipolar and share info. and support with the members here. Hang in there!
oceangirl
Hi Lucy. Thanks for answering my post. I am the old member named suffering. I lost my password when the forum changed over.

I'm sorry to hear about your health problems and your husband's health problems. How long did it take both of you to get diagnoses? I just started treatment for babesia in November. So far I've noticed improvement in one symptom but no change in my major symptoms. The speclalist also diagnosed me with bartonella 'cause I have a classic bartonella rash that emerged less than a year ago and it's still there.

I haven't been reading too much about bipolar these days. I feel strongly that my bipolar episodes were caused by Lyme disease. The Lyme disease doctor I started seeing is a psychiatrist.

Those herx reactions are brutal....hope he feels better soon.

~ocean

QUOTE(Lucy @ Mar 5 2007, 12:15 PM) *

Suffering,
I'm new to this forum (and forums in general) so I hope you get this post since I am replying to a post from 2006. My husband has Lyme disease, and I have Bipolar II. He has mood swings just like mine. He never had problems with his mood before he got Lyme. He is on Tetracycline (500mg 3 times a day). It's only been about 6 weeks, and he is still having a herx reaction with only a couple of days scattered through the 6 weeks of relief. He has terrible muscle spasms and other physical symptoms, and he has a lot of the neurological symptoms of Lyme (memory loss, mood swings, inability to think of words, etc.). If you haven't checked into Lyme yet, try Lymenet. There is a lot of info. and a forum.
I'm on Lamictal, and it has been a miracle cure (almost). I have not had the major depressions I had before, and no side effects. If I had not gotten help when I did (about the time my husband's Lyme got so bad he couldn't do anything), we never would have made it through this.
My best wishes to you smile.gif . I hope to learn more about bipolar and share info. and support with the members here. Hang in there!

puppykitty
Hi there. Is anyone still using this thread?

Anyway, several years ago, I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder. I was put on anti-psychotic and anti-depressant medications, and they worked very well for me. For the past several months, however, I have been experiencing some manic episodes. I have never in my life experienced a manic episode, and now I'm either fine or very very high and it changes frequently and rapidly. To tell you the truth, I like being manic, it feels good to me, but in reality, I am acting like a lunatic. It's not healthy at all. I act very impulsively and talk a lot and am a complete scatterbrain.

I'm wondering if I have been misdiagnosed, and if my antidepressants are pushing me over the edge into mania. With Schizoaffective Disorder, one experiences either depression or mania, along with psychosis, but to my knowledge, it's not both mania and depression. It's one or the other. Maybe I'm wrong though. Anyone know anything about this?

BTW, I take Abilify and Celexa. I took Lamictal once, but I got a rash and had to stop taking it. I guess it is not that unusual for that drug to cause an allergic reaction.

I talked to my case worker about my suspicions, and I have an appointment coming up in a couple weeks to see my doc. I hope to get this cleared up soon. I hate being unstable. It's just weird because I used to be perfectly stable on meds. It wasn't until about three months ago that I started rapidly cycling between mania and middle ground, with depression here and there.

I need to read more about bipolar, I guess, and see if my symptoms match up. It's just so confusing because all the mental illnesses start to seem the same after reading about a lot of them.

I had a particularly rough day today. I posted all about it in the OK thread. I ran out of my antidepressant and drank a lot a lot a really lot of caffeine to try to alleviate the withdrawal symptoms, only making the situation worse. It was pretty bad.

So anyway, just thought I would share. And see if anyone had any input.
oceangirl
Puppykitty,

Ultra rapid-cycling is HORRIBLE. I've had it and I can relate - it's just horrible. You feel like you are losing your mind. It's hard to describe. You are manic one hour and severly depressed the next.

Could you be also experiencing mixed states? You can have depression and mania at the same time. Most people don't realize this but it's possible. Some doctors refer to it as "agitated depression". I have also had this. You feel depressed but revved up and have racing throughts. Your mood is low but you are energized. It is really bad situation to be in because it can lead to impulsive behaviour and suicide.

I have no experience with Schizoaffective disorder. I was at one point labeled "bipolar" and "bipolar 2". I now believe that my symptoms were caused by Lyme disease not a genuine bipolar condition...but I digress. I've been on numerous antidepressants. Definitely antidepressants can push you over into mania. I've had that happen twice. The first time it was hypomania and the second time it was almost full-blown mania (I've never had psychosis though that's why I don't call it full-blown mania).

It is also totally possible you were misdiagnosed. It happens all the time. I was only diagnosed with bipolar AFTER the antidepressants pushed me into mania. Before that I had never experienced anything remotely like a manic episode. Before antidepressants I was quite depressed/anxious but not manic. If you suddenly ran out of antidepressants that can make you feel really sick. You need to taper off them slowly if you are going to do that.

I can see the appeal of hypomania however I would never want to be hypomanic again. It only leads to destruction. If you start feeling worse is there any way you can get in to see the doctor sooner? Mania is not something you want to play with, especially not a mixed state.

Hope you're doing better today.
puppykitty
I got my medication refilled the other day, and I feel better now.

I think you might be right about the mixed state. That is kind of how I feel. I have to call my doctor and see when I can see her again. She has been on vacation the past couple weeks.

I thought maybe I was wrong about the mania because of all the sleep I was getting. When I could actually fall asleep, I would sleep for 10-12 hours at a time, sometimes more. But while I was awake, I was feeling very high.

Before I started my medications, I wasn't able to work at all. I have been working full-time and doing very well for about 2 1/2 years. I just don't want the symptoms of whatever mental illness I may have to ruin this for me. I have a job right now that will look impressive on my resume if I can stick it out for a while and do well. It's just that the job is a bit stressful, and I am itching to move back to Chicago. That's where some of my family and friends live. I might have trouble finding a job unless I prove myself at the one I have now. Being sick is a challenge on top of the challenging work that I am doing. It adds to the stress level, and I'm afraid that people won't think I am any good at my job if I keep losing my focus because of mental illness.

I have shared with a couple of people at work about my illness, and they seemed to not think it was a big deal (as in, they don't think I am going to go on an axe-murdering rampage), so that's cool. But I don't want this to affect my job performance any more than it already has. I missed a few days of work, and I had that horrible night on Easter Sunday after running out of medication.

So, I hope my doc can balance out my medication so I will feel more stable and be able to focus more on my job.
knorl05
hello my lovely lovelies. here is a documentary some of you may be interested to see... check it
Lesbajew
The disorder pretty much took over my life from the age 12 to just a few months ago. It was worst when I thirteen. I was the hospital twice, was in a RTC program, and attempted suicide three times. I was "self schooled"(a.k.a dropped out) for most of the second semester in eighth grade. Things got better when I entered high school. I was put into a special program, which I hated but did keep me from failing. I'm going to leave it at the end of this year.

I really thought meds couldn't help, but it turned out to be my savor. It's amazing how much better I am doing!
knorl05
so i'm not bipolar, but i do have a diagnosis as well. i hate labels so i dont feel the need to clarify. however.. know what my biggest pet peeve is? when 'non-complex/crazy' people PITY us. when they're like oh, too bad or some other contrived statement that lifts them to a plane of idealized normalcy. being this way isnt so bad.. sure it may suck some days but everyone has bad days. i'd rather be complex than simple.
deschatsrouge
I get the whole pity thing. I also hate it when those same folks look at you like a rare bird because you are high functioning. I go to the doctor to pick up my meds and the nurses treat me as though I'm retarded and I'm going to attack them.

One time I was sitting on the bench out side the doctor waiting for my ride and the nurse shouted at me for all the world to hear that they had my meds.
Lesbajew
I hate it when people look at me like I'm about to attack them . This is often combined with a "you seem perfectly fine". I'm not crazy!

As said before, I've been to the hospital a couple of times, and people have the wrong idea when I tell them. For the last time, I was there for my safety, not because I tried to kill someone.

I get quite a bit of shit from other people with bi-polar when I try and talk with them because I happen to be highly functioning. "You don't understand." I've been through quite a bit of shit because of this disorder, yet because I have been fine for the past few months, they don't seem to believe me. I can see a lot of myself and what I used to be like in them. Rejecting therapists, loved ones, and meds. I've been thinking of going into therapy simply because I'm surprised how much I do understand.

I think that having this disorder has made me who I am today. The roller coaster of emotions, trips to the hospital, and trips to the therapist served to make me a better person, and I'm grateful for it. I would still be a sheltered and spoiled high schooler if I hadn't gone through that.

So, I have a question: Would you give up the time you spent wrestling with bi-polar disorder? Despite all the pain it cause me, I don't think I would. I learned a lot about life from having it.
knorl05
des & les: totally. people are so ignorant when it comes to mental health. actually any difference really. i was watching a program on a&e about some super tall woman (i think she was like record tall) and she said that people would talk about her right next to her "can you believe how tall she is? oh i think she just heard us talking about her" ..... she'd want to turn around and say 'i'm tall, not deaf'

i've always gotten the various prejudiced reactions, which caused me more frustration than the disorder itself. it's like i can be all cool and happy and at peace with myself and then someone comes along and has such a stupid reaction to me that it throws me off kilter. i want to get to a point where no matter what people's reactions to me are it will not phase me because i am that secure in myself. and i will let it all go because i realize it is simply the result of their ignorance, their uneducated, uncultured exposure to the world. and so then i feel sorry for them ;-P

i agree with your last statement les... i would not change any of it. i would actually omit some of it, but overall i am pleased with the intensity of my life and this disorder allows me so much more potential than 'normal' people, which enables me to live a more enriching existence. it's definitely made me a deep, empathetic, thoughtful person and these are great qualities to have IMO.
deschatsrouge
QUOTE(Lesbajew @ Jun 7 2007, 07:27 PM) *
I hate it when people look at me like I'm about to attack them . This is often combined with a "you seem perfectly fine". I'm not crazy!

I think that having this disorder has made me who I am today. The roller coaster of emotions, trips to the hospital, and trips to the therapist served to make me a better person, and I'm grateful for it. I would still be a sheltered and spoiled high schooler if I hadn't gone through that.

So, I have a question: Would you give up the time you spent wrestling with bi-polar disorder? Despite all the pain it cause me, I don't think I would. I learned a lot about life from having it.


Amen sister! I too think about how wrestiling with bipolar has shaped who I am. I can't tell you how much of what you said rang true. I too had to grow up because of how the disease affected me. I had to learn how to get my own help, get myself to the doctor, be my own advocate, and take my pills regularly because my parents couldn't help me. Dealing with bipolar forced me to grow up and get a grip. I too wouldn't change a thing.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2014 Invision Power Services, Inc.