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ginger_kitty
This lady I work with was so psyched b/c I gave her an extra orange juice I had, yesterday. She has five kids and told me she never buys juice. She said juice is a luxury she can't afford. I was in shock, my thoughts are juice would be a necessity, but what do I know I don't have kids. (FYI the lady is a chain smoker that downs soda like it's a medicine she needs to live) I love how some parents swear up and down that parenting is the ultimate gift and that you have to give up everything to be a parent, then find some way justify thier crappy parenting.
ratgrl
Gingerkitty, your post reminds me of a coworker I posted about in here some time ago. This girl is a single mom to a 2-year-old and gets minimal, if any, financial help from her baby's daddy. Every single payday, she can be heard whining about how she has "no money left" for food or anything else after her rent and other basic bills are paid. Yet she still somehow manages to buy weed and go drinking at bars on the weekends. I don't get it.
starshine
QUOTE(humanist77 @ Jan 24 2007, 06:26 AM) *

I saw good, if almost strict parenting recently at a restaurant. It was a family with two mommies, who kept both their kids very quiet and well behaved. One of the kids accidentally dropped food on the table, picked it back up and ate it, and one mother scolded her, saying "We don't eat food off the table-I don't appreciate this behavior." The kid didn't get upset or argue. Some might say that was harsh, but she didn't say it angrily, just assertively. I could've imagined what would've happened if they were screaming or running around. The children didn't seem sad or scared of their parents, just calm and polite. My friend with me, who works with little kids and is used to obnoxious, screaming children, was shocked at how the mother reacted-she muttered, "oh my god, the kid didn't even do anything" and I agreed, they hardly did anything wrong, but I still very much appreciated these parents keeping such close watch over their children, especially in a public place.



That's how I was raised, and I turned out more than fine. I wish more parents would be commended by this type of parenting. I bet their kids turn into well-adjusted adults, cause you can always tell the teenages/young adults whose parents let them run wild. I've had a few in my classes (first year university students), and lets just say they respond well to assertiveness. cool.gif
mouse
i hated indian food as a kid--i was a REALLY picky eater, which is funny cos now i'll eat almost anything--but i have a distinct memory of going to an indian restaurant with several adults and just eating a crapload of naan and reading my american girl magazine quietly.
LoveMyPugs
Sometimes I think about not having children. Usually it’s after I’ve had a fight with my parents. I start thinking that I’m probably just like them deep down and if I have children I’m going to treat them the same way my parents treated me. I’m fucked up enough. Maybe if I don’t have children I’ll break the chain of mental abuse running in my blood. God, sometimes I can’t stand my dogs let alone children. What’s a girl to do?
ginger_kitty
LoveMyPugs, my advice just take your time, decide what's right for you. I think most people who were abused fear they will end up repeating the cycle. But I know some awesome parents that came from pretty rough upbringings and managed to overcome the cycle.
LydiaLost
(Ok.. I'm horribly saddened that I've read this entire thread and will now have to wait for new wonderful CBC posts... But I guess I'll survive)

In speaking of restaurants and kids, but not so strict parenting, I was eating out the other night. It was late, after midnight, at this sports bar type place, and what was wandering around? Yup. Some 4-5 year old. Mind you, he wasn't screaming or crying or making a scene. But it was still way later than he needed to be up, in an environment that he didn't need to be in.
I'll save the stories about people bringing their babies to the spa with them for when I know you guys better wink.gif
culturehandy
I work in an office where parents let their children run around all the time. Their children scream loud and run around, we have stairs in that office, and it is not a safe environment for children to be in, particularly where there are some seedy people who hang out in our office, including dangerous offenders. Take care of your children.

Mouse I agree, my parents were not super strict, but they would take me out, and I never made a scene or screamed or anything like that, I also turned out fine.

I hate how there is this neo-parenting shit where people seem to think that children will teach themselves. Where would anyone ever get an idea like this?

When I worked in retail, some parents would let thier children run hog wild in the store. I am not a baby sitter, it is not my responsibility to watch your children.
octobersky
I usually lurk in this thread, but I have to agree with you culturehandy, parents don't parent. I've worked retail and I'm always shocked at how parents just allow their children to run wild in the stores. I've seen kids narrowly miss being hurt and some hurt, when the child is hurt the parents act as if it is the store's fault. Most of my managers would never speak up to the parents, but in a couple cases I have seen the managers ask the parents to control their children or come back another time. That doesn't happen nearly enough IMHO. My mom would never allow my brother and I to behave that way and as a result we learned how to behave properly given the situation.
A few of my friends have children and as one of them stated, she and her husband don't go out to eat unless they have a babysitter. Period. She doesn't think it's fair to put her child in a situation that he's not ready to behave for and it's not fair to the other patrons to have to put up with her child's behavior if he doesn't behave right. I really wish more parents thought like she does - it would make life easier for everyone.

On a completely unrelated rant: I go to a branch campus university so there is a strange mix of 20-40 year olds in the classes. A fair majority of people have children, but if I have to listen to anymore parents bitch about how their class schedule interrfers with their family I'm going to shoot them. They CHOSE to have children before they went to school and they CHOSE to go to school - didn't they consider that they would have to give up some of their family life while in school? It's not the professors or the university's job to schedule classes to fit best with YOUR family life. Grrrr......
culturehandy
Our managers actually gave us the blessing to tell children not to run in the store as it was not a playground, albeit politely. Children weren't used to getting in shit from employees, and often times the behaviour would stop.

This reminds me of the sex and the city episode (and forgive me if this has been previously brought up, but there is a lot of pages in this thread), when Samantha goes out for lunch and there is bratty child who throws his food at her.

There was also that episode of The Simpsons where the childless go nuts on all the parents of Springfield. I really wish that there were child free places were I can go eat, hang out whatever, without listening to screaming children. If children are quiet and well behaved, GREAT! But when you have a crying, screaming little brat, not the place to be, in public.


One of my close friends is getting married, and on her invitation, is says to not bring children. And I couldn't agree more. This is there day, and a crying child at a wedding takes away from the ceremony, because all people are thinking about is; "can't someone shut that fucking kid up".
octobersky
I agree with the whole "no children" thing at weddings. I was in a wedding several years back and the groom's brother's daughter was there and screamed and cried through the entire ceremony. I could barely hear the priest at times and I was standing behind the bride. The mom never took the child out of the sanctuary, I think she was pissed that her "little darling" wasn't made a flower girl. My friend had told me the kid was a brat and for that reason she didn't want her in the ceremony. After witnessing that behavior, I could see why.

My favorite line out of that SATC episode was when Miranda stated she wouldn't bring Brady to a resturant because "Mommy needs two hands to eat her desert."

sybarite
I thought this article was interesting. It comes down on the side of the childfree but provides balanced and comprehensive arguments (instead of a one-sided rant) IMO.
deschatsrouge
I will be the first to admit that I am selfish. I will also admit that I am a child hater. I also quit the Catholic church because I was tired of feeling guilty about it.

You know what they call parents that let their kids run wild? Permissive parents. Mrs Rouge is an anthropologist and she told me the other day, as we nearly ran over a little girl with the grocery cart who was having a temper tantrum on the grocery store floor, that permissive parenting is on the rise in the U.S. and it's becoming a social/cultural norm. Our generation is only going to propagate it. It's not going to go away, or get better ladies, it's only going to get worse.

*sigh* I remember the good old days when you could beat the foolish out of a kid in public and not get into trouble.
faerietails
deschats, that last part just sent me into a fit of giggles!

one time, back in undergrad, one of my roommates totally got up in my face about me not wanting kids. she called me selfish and mean and was really offended.

she also got in my face about my fierce endorsement of spaying and neutering your pets (it's taking away their "manhood" and their right to be a mother...never mind the fact that san antonio, where she's from, has the highest euthanasia rate in the country. and usually not "good" euthanasia by injection, we're talking gas chambers). but that's another story.
girlygirlgag
QUOTE(faerietails @ Feb 6 2007, 12:03 AM) *



one time, back in undergrad, one of my roommates totally got up in my face about me not wanting kids. she called me selfish and mean and was really offended.

she also got in my face about my fierce endorsement of spaying and neutering your pets (it's taking away their "manhood" and their right to be a mother...never mind the fact that san antonio, where she's from, has the highest euthanasia rate in the country. and usually not "good" euthanasia by injection, we're talking gas chambers). but that's another story.


Sounds like she was a can short of six pack....Yikes!


****off to daydream about a throw down between FT's old roommate and Bob Barker, Happy Gilmore style****
mouse
heh--women try to use carpool lanes claiming unborn fetus counts as passenger. that's entitlement bitchiness at it's best--plus it throws a wrench into abortion debates!

but:

QUOTE(deschatsrouge @ Feb 5 2007, 10:21 AM) *

*sigh* I remember the good old days when you could beat the foolish out of a kid in public and not get into trouble.


i sincerely hope you're 100% kidding here.
sybarite
Mouse, that is preposterous. Entitlement gone mad.
deschatsrouge
Oh Mouse, I was kidding about beating the foolish out of kids, my peers on the other hand... whole different story.
faerietails
Have you all seen this? Ballot: Married People Must Have Kids

Okay, that carpool story is seriously screwed up. UGH! The gall some people have!...
nickclick
yah i saw that on feministing too.

good tool for journalists to call the anti-gays and ask for comment.
ginger_kitty
I understand the point being made, but I hate the way they went at it. My(poor) hubby works with a devote Rush Limbaugh listner, and he told me that the uber conservative republicans are eating this up. They think it's a great idea and are taking seriously. I fear the attention being drawn to thier cause may be more negative that postive.

I guess it's too much to ask, that I wish people would just quit being stupid and realize homosexuals are entitled to all the rights everyone else have? Of course that's based on my belief that people are people ragardless of race, sex, creed, or orientation.


the fetus carpooling thing makes me laugh.
greekgirl
He he, fetus carpooling? Lets put all our pets in the car and then we childfrees can use the car pool lane too!
lawnpigeon
QUOTE(faerietails @ Feb 6 2007, 10:03 AM) *

one time, back in undergrad, one of my roommates totally got up in my face about me not wanting kids. she called me selfish and mean and was really offended.


Because not wanting kids and then not having any because of that is so incredibly selfish, as opposed to those people who don't want kids and have them anyway (for whatever reason) and then resent them or don't love them enough or neglect them? Not saying that all people who have kids and don't originally intend to have them are like that (far from it) but come on, not everyone should reproduce or adopt.

...or have pets if they can't afford/want to to have them desexed for that matter.
missladyj
I was talking with some co-workers with children and they were commenting on how I could go home and relax after work because i don't have kids. I said I also could go home and workout. One dude who is cool and was totally joking claimed he was more fulfilled. It's pretty sad when people with kids aren't even serious about be happier with kids. I told him I'm fulfilled too. Plus I get a full night's sleep.
anarch
I found some of the advice in here useful & thought others might too:What should I say/do to be polite about someone's baby?

Particularly since I have a Meet Our Baby get-together coming up in a few weeks. Actually it's not so much Meet Our Baby that bothers me as the vibe of Doesn't Meeting Our Baby Make You Want To Have One Of Your Own Too? -

No. The fact that you lo-o-o-o-ved pregnancy and lo-o-o-ove motherhood does not automatically mean that I have to, too.
hellotampon
I can't wait till I CAN go home and relax after work... I mean, I'm "relaxing after work" right now because I'm flat broke and have to save the gas in my car just to get to class (and then work) on Monday.

I'm glad that when I finish school (whenever that is) and have a job that doesn't suck (whatever that is, since I don't even know what I'm going to school FOR), that I'll be able to squander my newfound time and money any way that I please, rather than rush right into having kids because a biological clock is screaming at me to do so.
ginger_kitty
anarch, I hate tip toeing around co-workers that have kids and trying to being polite. They are rarely ever polite I about my lack of children. I feel like a big phony almost everytime I try to make casual converation with somebody about thier kids when I really don't give a fuck. No way I would ever get roped into to going to a meet our baby get together!

I do enjoy my quiet time after work. It's nice not to have kids running around and being able to focus soley on my needs, my hubby, and my pups. I have seriously stopped caring if I sound selfish for feeling that way. I hate that people with kids assume that if you don't have them you can just do what ever you want without a care in the world, though. The Mr. and I are still responsible people with obligations as shocking as that may seem to parents.
deschatsrouge
I guess I don't feel fake when I ask about people's kids. I'm comfortable about saying "So how are the kids? Are they healthy? blah blah blah" I guess I don't have a lot of acquaintances who like to go on and on about little Timmy. They usually just say "fine, we're blah blah blah this weekend" and thats the end of it. I never make kid conversation with people who can't shut the f%^*& up. Having kids a part of peoples lives, it's what they are giving their attention to. If some one was planning a wedding I'd ask them how it's going. That doesn't mean I want to super involve myself with it.

As for a meet the baby get together, I would make an appearance and leave. I think since the new parents are celebrating a transition in their life I would support them just so long as I didn't have to hold the stinky little bugger.

My sister in law who is a second grade teacher was visiting this weekend said that very thing about going home to relax. She has decided to not have kids so she can send the kids home and not have to come home to more at the end of the day. Instead she can stare at the boob tube. It makes perfect sense to me.
anarch
They are rarely ever polite I about my lack of children.

that's the problem, exactly. The ones who are polite, I don't mind cooing about their babies (all the while thinking "Pretend it's a cat!"). This one that's upcoming, well, she's not a co-worker but a friend of Mr. Anarch, which means genuine friendliness plus some "So when are YOU guys going to have kids? Then our kids could play together!" Technically polite, but with an insistence I find icky. Particularly considering that we've been very, very clear that kids are unlikely, for x, y and z reasons. It's like fending off an evangelical Christian.
bustygirl
I have never, ever understood the idea that not wanting kids = selfishness. To me, having kids without really sitting down and thinking about whether or not you would be a good parent is the ultimate act of selfishness. Let's face it, kids are tough. They aren't pets, they aren't toys, they aren't fads.

Can they be very fulfilling? Sure they can. If you want them and are ready for them, and are not having them because everyone else is/to keep a sagging relationship together/to see what it's like. Because never until you have one will you know exactly what having to live your life to fulfill another person's needs is really like. And it's frustrating, enfuriating, and tiring at times for the best parents. For good parents, it's also a neverending process.

If someone has a valid reason for not having a kid, they should absolutely follow that inclination, because they know their life best, and there's often nothing worse for a kid than a parent who wound up that way against their better judgement. The papers and daily news are filled with the heartbreaking consequences of bad parenting, so why on earth do people still think it's everybody's duty to procreate?

If anything, 6 billion and counting, we could use a little less multiplying. And I'm a mom saying that.
lucizoe
Tastes like chicken!
faerietails
Mmmm...
IPB Image
girltrouble
i haven't a clue what you guys are talking about, cos i have euphy on ignore. but i am hungry. anyways

for those not in the know/ you ignore like so:
kindly posted by roseviolet

QUOTE
Hey there, newbies! Just so you know, it's super easy to add someone to your Ignore list! When you put a person on "Ignore" status, you won't see their posts! It's a glorious thing. This is just one way to do it. We'll use Euphrates' post below as an easy example.
1. See on the left there were it says the name "Euphrates"? Click on that!
2. The screen will then display the profile for Euphrates. Just to the right of Euphrates name on the profile, you'll see the words "Profile Options". Click on that.
3. A little drop-down menu will appear. In that menu, click on "Ignore User".
4. The screen you see next will display everyone you have placed on your Ignore list. Euphrates should now be listed under "Add new members to your ignore list". Towards the botom of the page, you'll see a lovely button that says "Update Ignored Users". Click on that.
And that's it! The pesky poster is ignored! Hooray!

bustygirl
MAN, I love the new lounge! The ignore function is fab-u-lous!
girltrouble
euphrates is back for another boring encore.

he's a basic run-of-the-mill, generic anti-choice xtian who likes to post graphic fake photos.

rose violet was kind enough to post a little how-to on changing your ignore settings it goes something like this:

QUOTE
The Ignore Feature is a lovely little tool. When you put a member on ignore, you never ever have to look at another one of their posts. No words, no pictures, no nothing. It's a beautiful thing! There are two ways to impliment the Ignore feature. You'll have to be logged in to use either method

Method #1: This will allow you to put a person on Ignore without ever having to find one of the person's posts! Yay!
1. Click on My Controls (it's up there on the right).
2. On the new screen, scroll down until you see the "Options" section on the left side of the screen. Find the link that says Manage Ignored Users. Click on that.
3. On the new screen, scroll down until you see the section called "Add new users to your list". In one of the boxes, type in the name of the member you would like to ignore (example: Euphrates).
4. Click on the Update Ignored Users button.
That's it! You never need be bothered by that individual again.


Method #2: In order to use this method, you have to find a post made by the offending member. However, there's no typing involved, so some people find it easier.
We'll use Euphrates' post below as an easy example.
1. See on the left there were it says the name "Euphrates"? Click on that.
2. The screen will then display the profile for Euphrates. Just to the right of Euphrates' name on the profile, you'll see the words "Profile Options". Click on that.
3. A little drop-down menu will appear. In that menu, click on "Ignore User".
4. The screen you see next will display everyone you have placed on your Ignore list. Euphrates should now be listed under "Add new members to your ignore list". Towards the botom of the page, you'll see a lovely button that says "Update Ignored Users". Click on that.
And that's it! The pesky poster is ignored! Hooray!



























mornington
yaaaawn. knobhead's still being a knob, is he?

















Method #1:
This will allow you to put a person on Ignore without ever having to find one of the person's posts! Yay!
1. Click on My Controls (it's up there on the right).
2. On the new screen, scroll down until you see the "Options" section on the left side of the screen. Find the link that says "Manage Ignored Users". Click on that.
3. On the new screen, scroll down until you see the section called "Add new users to your list". In one of the boxes, type in the name of the member you would like to ignore (example: Euphrates).
4. Click on the "Update Ignored Users" button.
That's it! You never need be bothered by that individual again.
lucizoe
Good. And now back to our regularly-scheduled childfree thread...

Babies! Ick!
faerietails
$$$ Ca-ching! $$$ That's three more donations to NARAL! Woot!
ginger_kitty
A co-worker should me a pic of her baby.....not very cute. All I could manage was 'wow she is getting so big'.....I was really surprised b/c my coworker is a really pretty girl. Everyone is always telling my hubby and I that we are cute couple so we would definately have cute babies. The pics of that baby were proof that is not necessarily true....
faerietails
LOL! I know this is a horrible thing to say (and probably belongs in celeb whores), but that's what I thought when I first saw a picture of Jennifer whatsherface's and Ben Affleck's kid. And let's not forget Suri from Xenu.

I've definitely been in that position, too (namely with a couple of my cousins). blink.gif dry.gif
turbojenn
Faerie, I *heart* you!! LOVE the new sig!!! Very effective - well done!!

*trots off to make a donation to planned parenthood*

faerietails
No prob, turbo! Looks like I should start updating now, huh? smile.gif
culturehandy
Yawn. Looks like something I shat out.

Faerie I love the sig too!























































































































































































































































































































anarch
man. I'm soooo sorry, everybody.

Thanks for the instructions, mornington!
ratgrl
QUOTE(lucizoe @ Feb 17 2007, 07:56 PM) *

Good. And now back to our regularly-scheduled childfree thread...

Babies! Ick!


The thing about babies is that to me, at least, most of them look very much alike, at least up to a point. And yes, I've seen some that I've thought were downright ugly, but that's not necessarily a predictor of how they'll look as they get older.

Baby-related semi-rant ahead:

My stepbrother and his fiancee have a one-year-old daughter whom my mom and stepfather see a lot (free babysitters, ya know?). They're into it, so good for them, I say. My mom has always LOVED babies, and I think that spending time with this kid helps fill the void that was created as a result of her own grandchildren living overseas right now. So, before Christmas, I'd only seen this baby a few times. My mother and stepfather had Ratboy, me, my stepbrother and his fiancee and the baby over for Christmas dinner; at that time, the baby had recently turned a year old. My mother kept saying things like, "Isn't she cute? Isn't she beautiful? Don't you think she looks like Shiloh, Brangelina's baby?" I was like, "Yeah, I guess she's cute...as babies go." Truthfully, I was completely indifferent to the whole thing, and had to really make an effort to even act halfway interested in the baby, just for the sake of being polite.

Since then, there've been a couple of times when I've talked to my mother on the phone while she happened to be babysitting L****(the baby). Each time, my mother said, "Ratgrl, I'm going to give L**** the phone now. She wants to talk to you!" I said, "Mother, no she doesn't! She doesn't know me, and she doesn't know how to talk yet anyway. At most, she would just say 'Goo Goo Ga Ga' into the phone."

It's crazy how otherwise intelligent, rational adults can be turned into irrational, blithering idiots by a baby. Sheesh!
doodlebug
Ha ha, ratgrl...sometimes I make my mom talk to the CATS on the phone!

HA HA! I'm a dork.
faerietails
lol, doodle, me too! sometimes my sister will bring the phone to my dog to make me talk to him, and poor Ran always gets scared and squirms away.
culturehandy
I also talk to dogs on the phone. my dog is my child. She consumes all of my attention. Just like a baby. You know the difference between dogs and children? Dogs don't talk back.
bustygirl
Oh honey, a dog is much, much easier than a baby.

Unless your dog can set the couch on fire, tear half the pages out of the books on the shelves, flush legos down the toilet, throw yogurt up on the bedspread, and call tokyo in the same day, your dog is a vacation compared to a child. wink.gif
lucizoe
...and that's why dogs are better than kids biggrin.gif

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