Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Childfree by Choice!
The BUST Lounge > Forums > Friends and Family
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62
faerietails2
UGH! That's so annoying, ginger. He needed to be told. Good for you! I don't know if I could do that (even though I certainly THINK it on a regular basis).
culturehandy

Ginger, good for you!

When I worked in retail, when parents let their children run wild, we would tell the kids that a) this wasn't a playground and cool.gif we would tell the parents that we weren't babysitters, and thier children running around like little maniacs was not only disruptive but also a safety issue.

Parents don't like that, but when it came from the older staff!

Since when is letting your child throw temper tantrums and not saying anything okay? I mean when adults are acting like assholes we say something. Telling a child to smarten up is not going to damage them!

i_am_jan
*wow*. Temper tantrums are not "cute"...(what happens to a kid who gets attention, laughs [i.e., positive reinforcement] from that sort of behavior?)

Okay, check it out:

49. Not having to have had the surgery/wear and tear on my body (I don't have a great body but the thought of giving birth scares the heck out of me as bad as the next guy)

50. Not having to be in a ROUTINE

51. Not having to be the BAD GUY. For reals, if I had a child, in this world, right now, she wouldn't be able to *look* anywhere - TV, movies, video games, magazines, pop music, I'd be constantly saying "DON'T do that", "DON'T wear that", "DON'T hang around this person", to oblivion ~


(Just more stuff I can't believe I forgot the first time around...)
pollystyrene
Gah, ginger, that's awful. Good for you for telling the guy the truth.

Maybe I've told these stories here before, but I heard about a pet store, where parents would regularly drop their kids off and leave to go shopping in nearby stores. They finally put up a sign that said, "All unattended children will be given a free chocolate bar and puppy." laugh.gif Bet that stopped parents from dropping their kids off there.

I heard another story about someone who worked in a dollar store and someone did the same thing, dropped their 7-year-old daughter off and went to the store next-door. The clerk was pissed that the kid was left there, but kept an eye on the kid from afar. She noticed that there was a creepy guy who seemed to always be in the aisle the kid was, so she went over and grabbed the kid and held her behind the counter. When the mother returned, she gave her an earful about protecting her child and not leaving her alone in places where she was vulnerable to predatory adults.
culturehandy
Oh Polly I totally agree. Are parents that naive that they think because there are people aroung that their child will be safe? Please, if a predator wants to get a child enough they will do it. Besides, when I worked in retail, my job was to sell people books and find a yuppies the lastest Oprah pick or Globe and Mail bestseller, not watch some kid who's parent is too lazy to parent. You don't want to look after your kid at the mall, here's an idea, don't bring them!
ginger_kitty
That reminds me when I worked at Borders years ago, a few parents would drop off thier kids in the children's section, then take off some just browsed around but some would leave the store completely as if the kid's section was a daycare. We would always be so angry when we discovered some stray kid wondering around.

I could tell the guy I work with was really mad at me yesterday, but I didn't care. If blunt honesty makes be a bitch, so be it.
tankgirl
when i worked at a pet store, people CONSTANTLY left their kids alone near the hamsters and stuff while they did their shopping. it was horrible, i cant imagine bringing my kid anywhere and leaving him to fend for himself as young as 3. yes, i did find many 3 year olds alone walking around, banging on the glass and scaring the shit out of all the small animals.... the funny thing was is i was more conserned about the animals these brats tortured, parents that let their kids do things like that, do it everywhere they go, not just the rare ocasion where their kid wonders off. the kids are doomed for life.
i_am_jan
We are the ones who slipped through the cracks

Will she be a career woman, or take the baby track?

Hearing the questions, still we shrug

Two little options will not be enough

Wanting, choosing, contemplating, waiting, playing,
never satisfied, creating our own choices

Hearing, listening, to the other voices

Are we the descendants of Dionysus, tasting the
wine, sampling the fruits, the arts, ever curious

Forever young, Amazons -- languishing on Paradise Island

yet, living among the superheros, bachelors of the
world

-- there IS more than one --

her work never done -- forging new paths alone --

ala Wonder Woman!!!!

******

(okay, probably a few too many Wonder Woman comics...but remember how the gals on Paradise Island were always jus' chillin with nary a rugrat to be seen? and yes I realize this sounds a bit self-indulgent but oh well sue me)
doodlebug
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh....Paradise Island! How I have yearned for ye since the tender age of five! I was all about the comic book - we didn't get the TV show where I lived. (We didn't really get TV - we had one channel until I was six, and then we had two channels, so my brother and I could fight over whether to watch Star Trek or Emergency 51.) I used to wear a red t-shirt and blue shorts, and my red gumboots, and I would make my tiara, bracelets, and breastplate out of construction paper, and also we had this big spool of copper wire I'd make my magic lasso from....and I WAS Wonder Woman, running around the basement in a frenzy. Ahhh.

And also, I still want that invisible plane.

Thank you for the beautiful poem, jan, and the beautiful memories it stirred!

*goes off to pull down Wonder Woman retrospective from the bookshelf*
llamas
*delurks*
Someone brought their 1 year old to a sex toy party I attended last night.
blink.gif

i_am_jan
Doodlebug: Ya make me laugh! (*Love the description of your Wonder Woman get-up, [construction-paper breastplate, ya goof]!!!!) I used to love the 70s/80s WW TV show and remember pretending to be her (Diana Prince) and my fave part was taking off my glasses and spinning round and round in circles like Diana would do while "turning into" WW!!

Glad you enjoyed the post...hey! If you have a file-sharing program and can download, search under TV themes and you can find the theme from the Wonder Woman TV show ala Lynda Carter and the song is *excellent* laugh.gif

(What's more, anytime you feel like you're 'flying under the radar' then you DO have an invisibile jet...prepare for takeoff!!)
pollystyrene
Wow, llamas- there's someone who should have stuck with the sex toys and not procreated. I mean, it's not like the kid's going to even remember it, but that's just rude to the other party-goers. I wonder if it made for more sales, though. If I had a living, breathing reminder of why I'm using a battery-operated device RIGHT THERE, I'd be much more likely to spend, spend, spend! tongue.gif
culturehandy
I agree that that could make other guests uncomfortable. What next an 8 year old boy? I could see where that would be headed! Disaster.
llamas
I know it definitely killed my mood! Well, that and the fact that said party was hosted by my SIL and my MIL showed up towards the end... biggrin.gif
I was rather proud of the MIL, though...she got all schmoopy over the baby, but didn't say anything to me about wanting grandkids. Hell might have frozen over just then.
ginger_kitty
That would be very awkward, llamas. (But then I am really not big on babies be around at any kind of get togethers.)
i_am_jan
When will peeps understand that it's not a *party* if there's a baby! ?

(Sheesh it coulda been a real drag if the kid was in a bad mood or something...)

Glad it turned out to be fun though, rock on ohmy.gif
ginger_kitty
Just came across this, thought I'd share:

Salma Hayek says women are unfairly pressed to have children. “I think it’s terrible women are put in that position. Motherhood is not for everyone — it is for me, but there’s no reason women should feel rushed to have a child,” she told the upcoming issue of Marie Claire. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but society thinks if you don’t have children, you’ve failed as a woman, even if you are CEO of a company. You’ve got to be beautiful, smart, skinny, tall, rich, successful at your job, married to the right guy — and have genius children.”
girlygirlgag
QUOTE(ginger_kitty @ Apr 17 2007, 08:12 PM) *
Just came across this, thought I'd share:

Salma Hayek says women are unfairly pressed to have children. “I think it’s terrible women are put in that position. Motherhood is not for everyone — it is for me, but there’s no reason women should feel rushed to have a child,” she told the upcoming issue of Marie Claire. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but society thinks if you don’t have children, you’ve failed as a woman, even if you are CEO of a company. You’ve got to be beautiful, smart, skinny, tall, rich, successful at your job, married to the right guy — and have genius children.”



I love Salma. I can totally hear her saying that, too.
i_am_jan
Salma IS great...a feminist in Hollywoodland who mouths off about the status quo every chance she gets!! Go figure!

Most actresses are sycophants so desperate for work they seem afraid to say anything that could "offend" anyone...blech huh.gif
i_am_jan
Salma IS great...a feminist in Hollywoodland who mouths off about the status quo every chance she gets!! Go figure!

Most actresses are sycophants so desperate for work they seem afraid to say anything that could "offend" anyone...blech huh.gif
culturehandy
I adore Salma.
humanist77
Salma is fabulous-I've had a long standing-crush on her. I didn't even know she is a feminist-I think she should be on the cover of Bust!

hint, hint, Bust! That would be such a great interview.
culturehandy
Humanist that would be a great interview! I second Humanist's idea of a Salma interview!
ginger_kitty
I third that idea! I love Salma.
hellotampon
I was working on a paper at school last week and this lady comes into the computer lab with her toddler grandson. Normally I don't really care when people bring their kids to school- sometimes you have to. But usually when this happens, the kids are sweet and quiet. This kid was making a lot of loud whining noises while the grandmother egged him on as if people weren't trying to work. She asked him 50 times if he wanted to press the button to log off the system for Grandma. Then as they were leaving he ran down the hall, disrupting classes, and instead of reining him in she just stood there in the doorway to the computer room shouting/nagging at him for 10 MINUTES that he forgot his toy truck and needed to come and get it. I didn't get a single sentence written the entire time she was there.

The computer lab kicks you out of your cellphone rings, so you don't disturb people. And then this lady goes and stands in the freaking DOORWAY being disruptive. And of course her constant yelling had no point because he was like 2 years old so he was completely oblivious to her. Uggh.
culturehandy
Hello, I agree, that is so completely uncalled for. Do people have brain's in the fucking heads? Some people need quiet time. There comes a time that when you have a child and they are being a brat that you have to tell the child to be quiet, and be strict. I'm not saying give your kid a wallop, but people have to start being parents again.
sybarite
I have studied at three universities and taught at two more, and I don't believe I've ever seen anyone bring in their kids. Occasionally a lecturer would bring their kid with them for an hour or part of the day, but they would hang out in their office. Never in a library or during a lecture.

I really do believe in access to education so on one hand I sympathise with parents who feel they have no choice but to bring their offspring into class. But disrupting 30+ people who are there to work is wrong. Many universities have childcare facilities, and all of them should, to prevent instances like what you describe.
missladyj
My professor has had her two girls in class twice. Our classroom is a computer lab and her two kids sat at computers for three hours and did not make a peep. For three hours! it was amazing. I couldn't believe it. So well behaved.

It is too bad that this is the exception and not the rule
culturehandy
I've seen some people bring their children into classes, and the children are quiet, I realize that sometimes you have no other option.

3 hours without a sound! That is impressive!
Arcadia
QUOTE(ginger_kitty @ Apr 17 2007, 05:12 PM) *
Just came across this, thought I'd share:

Salma Hayek says women are unfairly pressed to have children. “I think it’s terrible women are put in that position. Motherhood is not for everyone — it is for me, but there’s no reason women should feel rushed to have a child,” she told the upcoming issue of Marie Claire. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but society thinks if you don’t have children, you’ve failed as a woman, even if you are CEO of a company. You’ve got to be beautiful, smart, skinny, tall, rich, successful at your job, married to the right guy — and have genius children.”



I like hearing this from a successful woman who I admire.

Whenever I talk about not wanting to have children with other women most of the time they put me down for my decision. It really makes me angry because I really do feel like they think I won't be successful as a woman if I don't have children, or that I'm being selfish, or that I'm too naive. Most of the time I will be asked, "How old are you?" and when I tell them I'm 22 I get the response "Oh, that will change when you get older, Dear." Since I haven't ever really had a strong desire to be a mother my whole life, I would be surprised if I ever changed my mind. I don't put other women down for having/wanting children so I don't know why they have to make me feel bad for not having/wanting any.

I might adopt but ideally, not until I'm happily married and 35. I know right now I am quite selfish and not mature enough to have a child. I was watching a trailer for a movie the other day (John Cusack; called "Martian Child") and in the trailer he said, "I don't want to bring another kid into this world, but how do you argue against loving one that's already here?" I'm really big on adoption.

I think being a mother is one of the most difficult jobs on Earth and without a doubt one of the most rewarding, but I don't want to make that kind of commitment as of right now. Not yet, anyway.

Anyway. That's my 2+ cents. I just think this is a really important issue in society today.

(And as a side note: This site is really making me want to go back to school and do a Women's/Gender Studies degree.)
culturehandy
People treat you as if there is something wrong with you if you don't want children. It's my choice, and whether or not I want to breed is none of your concern.

Why do people feel that it is acceptable to question have no children? If I went up to the parents of, say, 5, and said "what the fuck were you thinking having so many kids, have you heard for birth control?" I'd get a smack!
deschatsrouge
As they say Ch, true that.
mornington
*delurk* I heart this thread.

Walking in the park with my hound, and we met up with a lurcher and his walker, and got chatting. Kids came up - talking about dogs and kids, and she said something like "i had three - they're all grown up now, thank god, but my dog was like my child. do you have any?"

When I said no, she grinned at me and said "sensible girl. you're far too young, and you really don't have to if you don't want to - it's different for people your age." I could have hugged her.

*goes back to lurking*
missladyj
Last night was our last class and my Prof had her two girls there and once again not a peep. I complimented my professor on how well behaved her kids were. I think it is important for good parents to get props when they have children with manners.


I think it is bullshit for people with kids to tell those of us who don't that we are selfish. How many disposable diapers did your kid soil that are now going to sit in a landfill for years and years and I'm selfish. Fuck you!
sybarite
If someone's the kind of person who seen the world as divided into parents/non-parents, then I won't want much to do with them anyway.

Missladyj, I do totally agree that good parents should be recognised. Years ago I waited on a French family with three little girls. They ordered politely and then the whole family talked happily throughout dinner, with the parents clearly paying a lot of attention to what the girls were saying. They were clearly relaxed in a restaurant setting but not intimidated by it, just having a nice time. It was actually heartwarming; I told them they had a beautiful family.
ginger_kitty
I agree, I always try to let parents know if they have really well behaved or well mannered kids.

*runs off to enjoy, a beautiful childfree weekend* cool.gif
thepointybird
Ugh! I spent my Saturday evening with 2 midwives who I happened to meet socially. They seemed to be of the opinion that the reason I don't want children is because I am "naive" and "ill-educated" about the process of giving birth. I admit I am more afraid of childbirth than pretty much anything else I could ever experience, but I have various reasons for not wanting children, of which that is only one. They seemed to be treating it as some kind of personal attack on their chosen profession! WTF? Why is it NOT OK for a grown woman to have no desire to reproduce? I'd be interested to see if CBC men get this kind of reaction too!
culturehandy
Pointybird, I cannot believe that they said that to you! While having not having children may be influenced by the fact that child birth is scary, there are other things too.

A little while ago The Globe and Mail had a feature about saving the planet and not having children, of course I don't remember what article said, but that what the article was about. I'll try and hunt it down.
pollystyrene
See, I'm the opposite- pregnancy and birth is facinating to me, and that's the only part of having kids I think I'll really miss (I know, just about any mom lurking in here is laughing at me!) It's those 18 years after that I want nothing to do with.
treehugger
Heee...I had to share this video clip of a condom ad...I'm not sure if I'd call it safe for work or not...no nudity, but some screaming involved....
missladyj
that was fuckin GENIUS!
thepointybird
Hahahhaaaaaaa! Amazing, thanks Treehugger! laugh.gif
culturehandy
I remember the first time I saw that. Brilliant. Sad thing is, I've seen children do that on more than a number of occassions. *shudders at the thought*
sybarite
That ad is just joyous. I love it.

Pointy, I have a CBC aquaintance who I think gets some pressure from his dude friends who now have small kids of their own. Aquaintance is adamant about not wanting kids (he's late 30s) but I think his married friends are all' but they're so great' etc etc. I'm pretty sure it pisses him off.
hazystargazer
Oh yeah...I've seen that commercial before. I love it...I think it should be required viewing for all people who want kids. Then we might not have so many brats running around... tongue.gif laugh.gif
moxiegirl
Non-surgical sterilization

FYI...just saw this on the WP website. Sounds cool, ya? At least there's another option out there. I intend to procreate once or twice more, sure...but when I'm done, I want to be DONE.

Ok, back to the regularly scheduled programming.
MaybeSparrow
While riding the bus to work today, I realized how hurtful children can be. This women always has her two children with her on her morning commute, and she is always frazzled and getting herself ready (hair, makeup, etc), while her children yell and scream the whole way. Well, today it was the usual scene, and the little girl was arguing with her mom over brushing her hair. The little girl turns to her mom and says "MOM, when are you going to be SKINNY again?!". The mother is very overweight, and even though the girl was probably 7 years old, she said it with malicious intent, or at least seemed to. The girl repeated this over and over in front of everyone, and it was so uncomfortable.
I know the kids were little, but I couldn't get over the sheer cruelness of her words. Here was the mom, trying her damndest to get these kids off to daycare so she can bust her ass to support them, and she said one of the meanest things she could think of so she wouldn't brush her hair. The whole situation left a bad taste in my mouth.
culturehandy
Ouch. Children can be extraordinarily cruel.
hazystargazer
Man, there are some mean little bastards out there. Seriously.
hellotampon
QUOTE(pollystyrene @ May 2 2007, 08:53 PM) *
See, I'm the opposite- pregnancy and birth is facinating to me, and that's the only part of having kids I think I'll really miss (I know, just about any mom lurking in here is laughing at me!) It's those 18 years after that I want nothing to do with.


same here!
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2014 Invision Power Services, Inc.