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sybarite
The mister and I have yet to have the snip conversation as I'm happy enough with the mini-pill for now: it keeps my periods manageable for starters. I like to think he'd be up for it, especially as he has a child already.

Not to derail but: I read Revolutionary Road over the holidays, which serves as a clear depiction over what can result when a couple has children without actively making the choice to do so (and if said couple were masters of self-deception.) In the book, many of the dissatisfactions of the parents emerged from the choice to go ahead with a pregnancy.

As ever, no disrespect to the parents lurking here (whose presence I welcome btw). Just an interesting perspective.
prophecy_grrl
ooo - we could make recipes from this cookbook for the vaso-challenge party. huh.gif

confession: about 2 years ago when I was looking into the IUD and wanting to go off the pill, prophecy_guy offered (without my bringing it up) to have a vasectomy and I told him not to. Yeah. I was just as surprised by my answer as he was. I guess I'm pretty sure I don't want kids but there's this small part of me that can see myself with one - just one (I have this little fantasy about my future daughter who will be cute and sassy and precocious and will be fluent in 3 languages and travel the world with me rolleyes.gif ). Anyway, I guess I just didn't want it off the table completely. I figure the IUD is good for 10 years so I'll have to really want to a kid to get it removed before then. ((sigh)) I sometimes think that my wishy-washiness is just a response to the social pressure to reproduce and then I get annoyed with myself. I truly envy those with enough confidence in there own convictions to "just say no."

turbo - I have not experienced any hair loss with the IUD. My only complaint is the resurgence of hormonal acne that makes me feel like I'm 16 again. Other than that I love it!
stargazer
yes! prophecy is on board for the snip snip party! dude, that shit is hilarious. so funny. i actually told polly that i had a couples costume thought up for prophecy_guy and yourself...a pair of testes. come on! it's a good idea. wink.gif
doodlebug
I knew Soulman was planning to seduce me when he told me he'd had the snip. I slept with him that night. wink.gif
hellotampon
QUOTE(prophecy_grrl @ Dec 30 2008, 05:09 PM) *
ooo - we could make recipes from this cookbook for the vaso-challenge party. huh.gif

eww is that for real?
pollystyrene
No, it's been dispelled. Still gross to think about though. ((shudder))
pollystyrene
LeBoy had his consult today. We went in and there were three other guys there in the waiting room. None with their SO's ( I later found out one was married; one wasn't wearing a ring, so I'm not sure and I didn't get to see the third's hands, so I really don't know about him). The 3 guys were all there before us, just waiting. The front desk lady asked them if they'd mind doing the first part of the consultation together, where the doctor would explain the procedure and show them the instruments used, answer any questions, etc. Then they'd have their private interviews. LeBoy was still filling out paperwork and I jokingly said, "ha, you could have to do that with a bunch of other guys!" A minute later, the front desk lady asked if he was almost done so that he could join the other patients in the consultation... rolleyes.gif

When I called to set up the appointment, I asked if I needed to be there and they said no, but since I was there, they asked me if I wanted to come into the consultation. I said, "uh, ok." At first it was really awkward, like I was the fox in the hen house. But the doctor was nice, made some jokes. He talked about the anatomy, explained how the sperm is made in the testes, goes up the vas deferens to the (?- I can't remember what that part is) where it mixes with the semen and...well, you know the rest. The testes also produce testosterone, but that just goes into the bloodstream directly from the testes, so that's why testosterone production isn't interrupted when you get a vasectomy. Anyway, he explained how they use an anesthetic gun (he showed and demonstrated this- it just shoots anesthetic out in a puff that's strong enough to penetrate the skin. Looks like it's just a blast of pressure more than a sharp poke like a needle would be) and they make a tiny hole, through which they can access both the right and left side. They sever the tubes, remove a small section, cauterize the ends and then fold them back from each other and use surgical thread to permanently suture them back. There will be gauze on the opening for the rest of the day. There shouldn't be any bleeding. They said he probably won't even need to ice himself. He can take the gauze off the next day, shower, etc. and that's it. No need to re-dress. He can't submerge himself in water for a couple of weeks afterwards, so no baths, hot tubs, pools, etc. They do one sperm count test in about 6 weeks and another about 2 months after that. He can, um, "make a deposit" in the comfort of our home and just drop them off at a hospital lab. That was a big relief for him.

After all was explained, questions were answered, they did the private interviews. LeBoy went in, talked to him for about 10 minutes and came back. Success! He said the doctor asked him about his medical history, asked about his relationship status, whether he/we had any kids. LeBoy just told him we did not and weren't interested in having any. And that's it. No interrogation. No third degree. There was a brief exam.

So, he's set up for the appointment on January 23rd. We just have to check with his insurance company to see how much they'll cover.

Oh, and I know how enthusiastic y'all are about this....if you want to send any "congrats" to LeBoy over Facebook, please send them as private messages. We're not telling his family about it, and so we don't want it getting out there.

I've got a bunch of stuff in a shopping cart over at the Good Vibrations site for a gift basket for him. wink.gif
turbojenn
Polly, I am SO THRILLED for you both!! (And a wee bit jealous). And I love that you have a shopping basket going at GV! I have my initial consult for the IUD on Tuesday - I hope it goes as well as LeBoy's appt, but I'm doubting it, since Dr. Douchebag would not even consider the tubal last year. Let the countdown to 1/23 begin! smile.gif
stargazer
congrats polly and leboy! good idea to start a good vibrations gift basket for him.
pollystyrene
So, it was done yesterday! He got up early to do the required manscaping- he now knows what some of us go through! I offered to assist, but he didn't wake me up. Just minor blood loss. wink.gif

His appointment was at 11:15, so he took his valium at 10:45, as directed. By the time we got to the doctor's office at about 11:05, it had kicked in. He said it was fun, like being drunk but without the unpleasant parts of that. I think he was the first patient of the day because we were the only ones there. We had a quick "no second thoughts, right?" conversation. He didn't have any. Reassured me that he was definitely decided on this. He reiterated that he really, genuinely has no desire to have kids. At all. Ever. And if that ever changed, there's always adoption. They took him back. I stayed out in the waiting area. As the nurse walked back past me, he said that he often comes out to get the guy and he's soundly sleeping in the waiting room chair from the valium. I asked him what determines whether the doctor prescribes one valium or two (LeBoy was prescribed one) and he said that it's basically height and weight, but that anatomy plays into it too. Everything needs to be "loose" so the doctor can easily access and manipulate stuff, and when you go in for the consult, he does a quick exam to see what's going on. The nurse said being physically relaxed makes a huge difference, and I said, "oh yeah, for us too!" (meaning women during pelvic exams.)

In retrospect, LeBoy probably should have been prescribed two valium. He has very sensitive reflexes- he just naturally flinches a bit when anyone touches him. Not sure if it has something to do with the cerebral palsy itself, or if it's as a result of all the intense physical therapy he had as a kid. I'll be standing right next to him and go to put my and on his shoulder, he sees it coming and he just jumps a little. I've just gotten used to it. So the doctor gives him the anesthetic (with the anesthetic gun, which, while not painful, of course made him flinch!) and once it's numb, starts the procedure. Afterwards, LeBoy told me that after about two minutes in the room, the effects of the valium were gone. He was completely relaxed, mentally, but physically, he just couldn't untense his muscles. He assured the doctor that he was relaxed, still wanted to have the procedure done. The doctor proceeded, and LeBoy continued to stay tense and flinched a little. He said there were a few times when he felt a slight pinching feeling for a second or two. The doctor asked if he wanted more anesthetic, but he declined. (He wanted me to tell all of you how brave he was! laugh.gif ) It really wasn't that bad and he could tell that the anesthetic was mostly working, so at least he wasn't completely feeling what was going on. He said he could hear the "snip" of the vas deferens, which was really creepy. Says he didn't smell the cauterization, which is good.

The procedure took a little longer than normal because of his tenseness, but the doctor is confident that everything should still be good to go (er, not go, I guess.) From the time he was taken back to the time he came out, it was about 45 minutes, which is about 15-20 minute more than most people, the doctor said. They gave us two sample cups and directions on what to do with them (well, he knows what to do with them, but instructions on taking them to the lab and all) And that was it. He has to have at least 25 ejaculations before the first sample (I told him he has a month, so he'd better get crackin'! tongue.gif ) and then I'm not sure exactly how long he has to wait until the second one. The doctor said about 4 months after the surgery, but not sure if there's a specific number. Maybe it depends on the results of the first test.

His insurance paid for it 100%- no deductible, no co-pay, nothing. Not sure how that happened since this is his first medical expense of the year, but I'm certainly not complaining. The doctor put gauze on the incision and it had soaked through with blood by the end of the day yesterday, which is normal. It had stopped bleeding at some point yesterday, probably within a few hours of the surgery, but he didn't switch the gauze until this morning. He's wearing the tightie-whities again (they provide more support and were actually a requirement of getting the surgery). I saw the incision- it's tiny, there's no stitches and there's just a little oozing today. He said it was a little sore, but nothing that would stop him from doing whatever he normally does. The only restrictions are that he's not supposed to lift any thing heavy for a few days and no baths/hot tubs/ swimming pools for 2 weeks.

Today he's off playing video games with Mr. Prophecy and some other friends, so it's pretty much business as usual. He said it was really not bad and he'd do it all over again!

It's a big relief for both of us. On one hand, it's very final. We're okay with that, of course, but it's still like "okay, that's it. Never going to happen." His worries about pregnancy were really, really taking their toll on us. We were in couples therapy several years ago, like maybe 3 years into our relationship, and the therapist just refused to believe that his paranoia about pregnancy was the only reason he was basically unable to have intercourse. She thought that there must be some sort of emotional reason that was blocking him, because there's no way anyone could be that worried about having a baby ("It wouldn't be the end of the world, right?" she asked....we weren't quite as articulate/resolute in our CBC-ness back then and we were kinda like, "well, yeah, it would kinda suck, I guess"....now we'd be like, "fuck yeah, it would be the end of *our* world") Anyway, as a result of his paranoia, in a seven year relationship, I can count on one hand how many times we've had intercourse. Seriously. We've found other fun stuff to do, but we've both known that not being able to have intercourse was really becoming an issue for us, a huge elephant in the room.

Yeah, really looking to that second lab test result and the gift basket biggrin.gif

Turbo, did you get the IUD yet? I think you said the doctor gave it the OK, right?
doodlebug
Oh, congrats polly and leboy!!!

I feel so totally blessed that Soulman has had the procedure already. Sex is soooooo awesome without the worry. MY LIFE is so awesome without the worry. The only time I even think about my own fertility cycle is trying to remember to buy more tampons (hint: when a hard, painful pimple appears in a conspicuous facial location). And sex, yeah. I feel such an amazing sense of real intimacy, knowing we can do whatever we want, for as long as we want, because there are NO panicky little distractions (which I always secretly felt with other male partners) from the communication between our bodies. biggrin.gif
stargazer
congrats polly and leboy! it sounds like the decision to have the vasectomy was a joint decision. i think it just proves that no matter what your decision (to have kids or be childfree) that it requires alot of communication between both parties. your decision as a couple has really taught me alot about relationships. it is sad that your couples therapist could not be supportive of leboy's and your decision to be childfree. it sounds like lots of fun is too be had. i can't wait to see you posting in the portions thread soon! smile.gif
missladyj
Congrats to Polly and LeBoy!

I go get my IUD Feb 2nd. I am actually really excited about it. I am a dork.
turbojenn
Congratulations polly & leboy!!! I'm so happy for you guys! Looks like the chitown busties are a hotbed of CBC activity, what with all the snipping and IUDing going on!

I'll be right behind you, missladyj, I'm getting my IUD on Feb 12. Woot! And likewise, I am stupidly excited about it, and not having to worry anymore or getting the MRG migraines from the pill.
pollystyrene
Aww thanks, everyone!

It's funny, star, at the time, I don't think we saw it as non-supportive. I don't think we weren't fully conscious of what we wanted or that there was even a "philosophy" behind how we felt about having kids. I had kinda forgotten that the woman even made that statement until LeBoy brought it up in the car yesterday on the way to the doctor.

I can say that we probably would have continued to feel like we were in the wrong, like we were abnormal for not wanting kids if not for this thread and everyone here wub.gif

To reference Patton Oswalt, our imaginary baby who we named "ten hours of sleep a night" thanks all of you. laugh.gif
treehugger
congratulations polly and leboy!!!!! *does snoopy happy dance*
thepointybird
Just wanted to add my congratulations to everyone else's Polly - I'm so chuffed for you guys!
sybarite
Congrats polly and le boy!!! Have fun celebrating... wink.gif
stargazer
I found this great article on nerve I thought I would share. smile.gif
turbojenn
That was a fun article - thanks, Star! I like it "A vasectomy goes great with everything." Mmmm. I'm t-5 days to IUD. Woot!
pollystyrene
Damn, replace the names in that article and you've pretty much got us, except that we don't already have a kid. Also, our doctor makes you wait until you've hit at least 25 ejaculations and then there's a second test run at 4 months after the surgery date, regardless of how many ejaculations you've hit by then. It definitely makes us feel more confident about the whole thing, because like these people, we are also hypochondriacs and pregnancy would be an ailment for us.

My tolerance for people and their annoying kids is getting shorter and shorter. Tonight we went to see Coraline with the prophecy's and some other friends (FABULOUS movie, and I highly recommend people making the effort to see it at a theater that's showing it in 3D because it's really a movie that lends itself to that!) We went to the 10:00 show, when we figured there wouldn't be too many kids at, which proved true- there were some older kids, like 12 or so, but everyone was well-behaved, including the adults, and I think it was probably the best movie theater experience I've had since I saw Calendar Girls with Lady Selena a few years ago and it was us and one other woman in the theater.

Anyway, so when we got there, the theater was mobbed with people, and the last remaining younger kids were leaving with their parents. We were pushing through the crowds just to get to the door to get in and standing right inside the entrance was a kid about 4 or 5, running around bumping into people because he had his coat pulled up over his head. I nearly fell on the little beast and I said, probably too loudly, "Someone needs to wrangle their crotch fruit!" Then I noticed his mom standing there, oblivious to all of it. *Sigh*

Yay for the IUD, turbo!
pollystyrene
Oh, and this was in The Onion last week! laugh.gif
treehugger
Damn, I love the Onion.

Congrats on our newly and soon to be sterile (whether temporary or permanently) Busties!!!!!
mornington
I read this and thought of you lot... wink.gif

And I forgot to say in kvetch - congrats Polly and LeBoy!
sybarite
Morn, I read that over the weekend (as well as the companion piece about Dummy Mummies) and while I agree with both writers in their childfree stance and irritation with the fetishisation of motherhood (and why not fatherhood??), they both sounded unnecessarily angry and defensive, which lessened (unfortunately!) the impact of what they were saying for me.

(Could there be any more parentheses in my reply...?)
thepointybird
QUOTE(sybarite @ Feb 11 2009, 01:37 PM) *
Morn, I read that over the weekend (as well as the companion piece about Dummy Mummies) and while I agree with both writers in their childfree stance and irritation with the fetishisation of motherhood (and why not fatherhood??), they both sounded unnecessarily angry and defensive, which lessened (unfortunately!) the impact of what they were saying for me.


I don't really think either of them sounded particularly angry, and if they were defensive it's only because of the obscene amounts of shit we CBCers tend to get thrown at us from all quarters. I have to say, I'm fairly lucky that I don't tend to get much of that from my family, and most of my friends with kids are very much like the friends both women mentioned in the article - they respect my decision, they talk about their children only in passing and they don't ask me to babysit! But it is insane the amount of downright offensive and rude shit that some parents feel they have a right to say to you, and it's also deeply annoying how many parents seem to get massively defensive when you say you're not really interested in kids. I know I get off lucky, but judging from the stories told in this thread, it's difficult for many CBCers not to be defensive!
sybarite
Pointybird, I take your point (ha). I too am very lucky that I am not at the receiving end of the ignorant, self-centred comments that parents can make to those of us who do not choose to have kids of our own, so I probably don't feel defensive because I am not called upon to defend myself. I do think it's important that people who do have to hear that crap from those close to them can read something that chimes with how they're feeling. I will be interested to read the letters section in next weekend's paper and see the responses. It really pissed me off that fathers were nowhere in that article--maybe they feel marginalised by these alpha mummies themselves.

It's also interesting that that paper's (the Observer) sister paper (the Guardian) has noticeably upped the coverage of kids in their weekend supplement, so it's as if the newspaper group wants to have it both ways. Someone wrote in to the Guardian complaining about the child-centric features and I couldn't agree more: why would I want to read about what random kids think?

girlygirlgag
If anyone reads Dooce or Girls Gone Child, or even my blog, Confused Dildo, CFBC vs. Mom has been a hot topic this week from the latest episode of "Momversation".

You're lucky sybarite. I have decided not to have children, but am helping my Fiance raise his. I have had dozens of nasty, rude, and disrespectful comments from parent about my decision, and it is very angering.

girltrouble
QUOTE
childfree stance and irritation with the fetishisation of motherhood (and why not fatherhood??)
do you really see a fetishisation of fatherhood? i think the one for motherhood is everywhere (see the whole nadya thing popping off) but i don't know that there is one, to the contrary i think there is a social revulsion against fatherhood. where motherhood is supposedly the zenith of what it means to be a woman, i think batchelorhood is seen as the apex of masculinity.

or are you saying there ought to be?
sybarite
On the contary GT, I think fatherhood is becoming increasingly invisible. While mothers and motherhood loom ever larger, the role of the dad seems to recede. This incenses me: are we in the 1950s? Are fathers not expected to contribute except by bringing home the bacon anymore? It angers me closer to home because, like GGG, I too am helping my mister raise his child, and have witnessed the struggles he has gone through to even achieve access within an archaic system which universally privileges mothers. I'm not saying that some dads don't walk out on their duties following a separation, but a lot are unfairly prevented from seeing their kids despite paying maintenance. I also see that the onus and pressures of parenting continue to fall primarily on the mother, which is unfair to both parents.

GGG, I'm sorry you have been at the receiving end of such horrible and ignorant comments. As a sort of stepmom there are assumptions that I somehow 'naturally' slide into a maternal role and that does piss me off. I like our family but if anything I am more determined than ever not to have a biological baby.

I identify as childfree although the mister's child will probably be living with us until high school is finished. Long story. I accept it seems like a contradictory stance.
sassy
I'm so excited, ladies! My husband has finally decided that he should get "fixed." I have been having a lot of issues with my birth control lately -- mainly a lowered sex drive and moodiness. And I just don't want my body to be controlled by hormones any longer. I told him I was planning on quitting the pill and so apparently he did research on his own and decided he wants to get snipped. I just turned 24 and he is 26 so I know it could be tricky finding a Dr. since we are young, but I'm optimistic about it. Thanks especially to Polly for sharing her story because I think that may have been a convincing factor to my husband when I shared it with him since he has been nervous about the actual procedure. wink.gif

(And sorry this was off topic!)
pollystyrene
Not off-topic, sassy! See if you can find a doctor in your area that does "no scalpel, no needle" vasectomies. After LeBoy had it done, and even before, when we had the consultation, he said something to the effect of, "with no scalpel and no needle, anyone who's still afraid of the pain is just a wuss!" He never needed any pain meds, no ice packs or anything. He was slightly sore for a couple of days, and completely pain-free within a week or so. He says it was basically comparable to straining a groin muscle- not debilitating or anything, mostly annoying. We also went with a doctor who only does vasectomies, not just a general practitioner or even just a urologist. Not sure if there's one around you, but we wanted a guy where that's all he does- snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, all day long.

I watched the Momversation thing, ggg. I've been reading dooce for awhile, since shortly after her daughter was born, (and I read the archives from the beginning) and, not to be biased towards her, (and I've never read either of the other women's blogs) but I think she had the best view on it....yeah, there's some vitriolic CBC stuff out there, and I can understand that as a parent, it might be hard to hear that not everyone adores your little snowflake. The other two women seemed to take that more personally than she did and I still resent the statement, "it's the single most satisfying experience you can have as a human" or however one of them put it. To be fair, I don't agree with Dooce's assertion that looking back to her childfree days at all her freedom, she now realizes that she didn't like herself very much back then....well, then that's because you just didn't like yourself, not because you chose to have kids. I don't think that being CBC means you're partying every night and eventually you'll realized how unfulfilled you are....obviously motherhood doesn't equal fulfillment, either. I can, and I think we have in this thread before, named numerous people who led fulfilling lives without children.

I dunno- it's all a re-hash of what we have all discussed in here and it's too bad there's a few CBC'ers making the rest of us look like assholes out there. That said, there are some days where I come in here with a rant about some obnoxious little crotch fruit I had to deal with, but I also realize that it's too bad there's a few breeders making all of them look like assholes, too.
candycane_girl
I glanced through those sites and the thing that bothered me was how on the Girls Gone Child site, the woman seemed offended that people use the phrase Childfree by Choice . But obviously that's done to acknowledge the fact that these days there are a lot of people who are child free and it's not by choice. It seemed kind of stupid that the blogger didn't even get that.
thepointybird
I've also just watched the Momversation video - now there's defensiveness for ya! Why do these women care that some CFCers are venting on the internet with some like-minded people? Isn't that kind of the point of the internet? And I'm sorry, but these women have no idea of the kind of unbelievably rude shit we CBCers have to put up with from others. I don't really understand why when I say "I don't really like being around children that much and I'm not interested in having any of my own", some parents seem to hear it as "I find YOUR child to be an utterly loathsome little toe-rag who should have been drowned at birth"! STOP TAKING IT SO F'ING PERSONALLY! You have kids, I'm happy for you. I don't have kids, and I'm happy for me. I don't care what you do with your womb, and I understand that your child and I have to co-exist in public spaces, but I still can't help but get annoyed when it's acting like a little brat.
thepointybird
QUOTE(thepointybird @ Feb 16 2009, 01:45 PM) *
I've also just watched the Momversation video - now there's defensiveness for ya! Why do these women care that some CFCers are venting on the internet with some like-minded people? Isn't that kind of the point of the internet? And I'm sorry, but these women have no idea of the kind of unbelievably rude shit we CBCers have to put up with from others. I don't really understand why when I say "I don't really like being around children that much and I'm not interested in having any of my own", some parents seem to hear it as "I find YOUR child to be an utterly loathsome little toe-rag who should have been drowned at birth"! STOP TAKING IT SO F'ING PERSONALLY! You have kids, I'm happy for you. I don't have kids, and I'm happy for me. I don't care what you do with your womb, and I understand that your child and I have to co-exist in public spaces, but I still can't help but get annoyed when it's acting like a little brat.

thepointybird
Sorry, dunno what I did there.....! sad.gif
pollystyrene
I can't believe they actually had to do a study for this, and that it took them this long to figure it out!
auralpoison
I can. People are really fucking stupid.

I have two fucked up male cousins that have almost ten children between them with several different equally fucked up women. Somehow whenever things got REALLY bad, points at which they should have all just walked away, they'd wind up pregnant & stay together "for the sake of the baby".

The REALLY crazy thing, is that the one guy is still on/off with the woman that not only attempted to KILL them both (I mean it. She slammed her car into an underpass at a high speed on PURPOSE. She had to be medavac'd & should be dead, he sustained some pretty serious injuries.), but also surprised him by their second baby not being his. I actually cancelled my subscription to the local paper so that I wouldn't have to see either of their names in the paper anymore.

And with their HIGH parenting skills, they're just continuing the cycle of dysfunction. Douchenozzles, the whole lot of them. I keep them at arms length because I don't loan/throw away money.
girlygirlgag
One of the things I discussed with Girls Gone Child is her location. She is really young (just turned 27), married with two kids and lives in LA. everywhere she goes, people assume she is her children's nanny and cannot wrap their heads around how someone so "young" has so many children.

I think this is why she was so surprised by the CFBC movement. I am 33, live on the Ohio/Kentucky border and people consider me a dried up, old hag, for not having children. And they let me know it, which is happening more and more these days.

This floored her.

I explained that this where the "anger" comes from. I don't care that people have kids. I only ask that they teach their kids to respect the Earth and other people, i.e., I don't love your kid and when it is acting like an asshole in public, I don't think it is cute and I think you should do something about it. BUT, I RESPECT your decision to have a family.

I have CHOSEN (not meaning I just have not gotten knocked up yet) to not have children for a myriad of reasons, all which are none of anyone's business, except for mine and my husband's, and my decisions should be RESPECTED as well.

It also annoys the crap out of me when people down the environmental reasons to not have children, by stating there is "no proof"... Um, I understand that math is hard, but it is all a numbers and common sense game... Just because you don't want to believe it, doesn't make it untrue.
stargazer
ggg, well, it sounds like Girl Gone Child has lived a very sheltered life. oh dude, my heart goes out to you where you are at. my bff is from ohio and went to school at UK. yeah, i've learned the traditional way is the only way valued down there. i think my bff feels the heat sometimes to not be like her friends from college. good thing she has me in her life. wink.gif

i think the shock that comes with a woman's choice to not have kids is still reflective of society's sexist view that ALL women want to get married and have kids. to choose to be single and/or childfree is against nature (BS). we just haven't met the right guy. pfft. they can suck it.

you know, wanting to have kids being disciplined is not just a desire of CBCers. mama will often make rude comments, sometimes so she can be heard, about a rowdy child and she loves kids.
sassy
QUOTE(girlygirlgag @ Feb 17 2009, 03:26 PM) *
One of the things I discussed with Girls Gone Child is her location. She is really young (just turned 27), married with two kids and lives in LA. everywhere she goes, people assume she is her children's nanny and cannot wrap their heads around how someone so "young" has so many children.

I think this is why she was so surprised by the CFBC movement. I am 33, live on the Ohio/Kentucky border and people consider me a dried up, old hag, for not having children. And they let me know it, which is happening more and more these days.

This floored her.

I explained that this where the "anger" comes from. I don't care that people have kids. I only ask that they teach their kids to respect the Earth and other people, i.e., I don't love your kid and when it is acting like an asshole in public, I don't think it is cute and I think you should do something about it. BUT, I RESPECT your decision to have a family.

I have CHOSEN (not meaning I just have not gotten knocked up yet) to not have children for a myriad of reasons, all which are none of anyone's business, except for mine and my husband's, and my decisions should be RESPECTED as well.

It also annoys the crap out of me when people down the environmental reasons to not have children, by stating there is "no proof"... Um, I understand that math is hard, but it is all a numbers and common sense game... Just because you don't want to believe it, doesn't make it untrue.


I live in Kentucky and I totally understand where you're coming from. Though I got married young (22), I do not plan on having kids. Most of my friends are my age (24 now) and already have two kids! When people find out I'm married, I constantly get the "When are you guys going to get started on family?" When I tell them I don't plan on having one, they just cannot wrap their head around it. I've been called selfish, been told 102103459703 million times that I will change my mind, been told that I cannot be a woman without having babies, and been told that I must have kids or my life will be pointless and wasted. It's frustrating. In this area (and I don't even live in a rural area of Kentucky), people still assume women are nothing but baby machines. I'm sorry if I want to travel, possibly someday get a doctorate, sleep in, drink, etc. Kids would greatly interfere with my life plans. tongue.gif
missladyj
People freak out when you are married and have no kids. I get that all the time. I love my life and don't want a kid to change it. PLus I am getting ready to apply to graduate school for my EDd. working full time and working on a doctorate is plenty to do without a rug rat gettin in the way.

My sister is older than me and has an 18month old and she was telling me how intense and hard it is. Well you choose to have a kid and now you have to deal with the reality of it.


I got invited to an Oscar party from a friend who just had a kid and she invited all her other friends with kids. I am totally passing on the party BECAUSE IT WON'T BE ANY FUN.


thepointybird
QUOTE(missladyj @ Feb 18 2009, 11:20 AM) *
My sister is older than me and has an 18month old and she was telling me how intense and hard it is. Well you choose to have a kid and now you have to deal with the reality of it.


THIS really bugs me. People who say this "OMG, I had a baby and I'm so exhausted!" WTF did you think was going to happen? They're babies! They're pretty much world renowned for waking up several times in the night, crying for hours on end for no good reason and generally demanding 100% of their parents time & attention. Nothing like stating the obvious, eh? Oh, I went outside and stood in the rain for 30 minutes and now I'm wet!
hellotampon
My favorite coworker is pregnant, and I'm so disappointed! Everyone at work has babies or toddlers and that's all they talk about. Now she's going to be one of them. They all bond with each other over their babies. It's sooooo boring. My mother thinks I should pretend to be interested. Well, I'm not, and I'm no good at faking stuff.

It made me realize that for the rest of my life, esp the next 15 years, that's all I'm going to hear about from everyone around me... kids, kids, kids. My baby eats solid food now, my kid said something funny today, I have to go pump breast milk, I'm giving so-and-so my old bassinet after she gives birth, listen to me describe my baby's sleep schedule, blah blah blah blah blah.
p_176
yea my sister i think gets bitter with me sometimes because i dont' have a kid, and i'm not married. she knows better than to really say anything because all i have to say is, it was your choice. when i first had the PCOS symptoms (like bloating, mood swings) she asked snidely if i'm pregnant - so i got to say, no i have a hormonal disorder! my coworkers ask when am i going to get married and have kids - since i've been with my guy for 3 years. i'm like, that's your priority, not mine - that shuts them up quickly ;-)
sassy
Well, my husband and I are going to a consultation for the vasectomy in three weeks. He plans on getting it done at the end of April because he has been running with a group at his gym and wants to wait until they are done training. They took his birthday and everything when they scheduled his appointment and they didn't say anything about him only being 26 so I hope there won't be any hassle about it. We'll see. (Also, I have been off birth control now for 2 weeks and it's great! Can't wait until we can get rid of condoms too.)
pollystyrene
I'm not sure where LeBoy is in the journey of hitting the magical 25th...um, load. He stayed home sick today, I should call him and see if he can get any closer today tongue.gif
thepointybird
Sigh - another of my close friends gave birth yesterday. I'm happy for her and all, but she's the second one this year, and now only one of my close girlfriends is without children. Luckily, I don't imagine she'll be breeding anytime soon, thank god!
designermedusa
I feel lucky to work with a lot of women that don't have any children. I find that mostly older people question why I don't have any children after being married for over four years. Most of the people I hang out with don't have kids and never want them, but one friend is now in a relationship with a man that has a child. All she talks about is the child, and how she is now a mommy. The thing is before meeting this guy she never mentioned children, so it is strange.

We went out to dinner on Friday, and as I was trying to step away from the hostess stand I turned around to see a kid sprawled out on the floor. So I stood there for what seemed like an eternity until the parents decided to pick their kid up.
sybarite
DM, I stare parents out all the time when their kid is acting up--it's particularly effective on airplanes.
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